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Forgive Those Who Trespass	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 20650 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter
Twenty-Nine�The Meaning of Therapy

�� Harry.�

�� The voice
was so soft and so thick with relief that it took Harry, swimming up from
sleep, long moments to identify it. When he finally did, he stretched out a
hand instinctively, groping for the one he knew would be waiting to clasp his.

�� Firm, warm
fingers caught his, catching on new-grown nails, which Harry didn�t remember
from the last time he�d been awake. He blinked slowly, and then turned his head
and met Hermione�s gaze.

�� Thank
God,� she whispered again, and suddenly stooped over him and hugged him as much
as she could whilst sitting in a chair next to a hospital bed.

�� Harry
closed his eyes, because he was about to cry and that was just stupid. He
patted clumsily at her back with his wounded hands and winced a little as her
elbow dug into a rib that felt new and tender.

�� She was here, instead of dangling by her hair
from a branch of Richard�s tree. There was no way to convey how he felt about
that. He turned his head to the side and kissed her hair, hearing someone
awkwardly clear his throat behind Hermione.

�� Looking up,
he met Ron�s eyes.

�� Ron blinked
himself, and then began to smile helplessly a moment later. �Hey, mate,� he
whispered. He walked around the bed to grip Harry�s other hand. �I couldn�t
believe it when I heard he�d got you out,� he said. �To owe�we can�t�I didn�t
know�� And then he fell silent, and just beamed at Harry like a fool.

�� Harry
closed his eyes, and let himself bask in the warmth and comfort of his best
friends, something he had been sure he�d never have again. They could have been
chopped into building material the way Richard had promised in that maze; they
could have been scarred as badly as he and Draco had been. Richard hadn�t had
as much time to torture them, of course, but he had been clever and inventive
enough to find ways of doing so. Harry hoped he had spared Ron and Hermione
from anything more than a few weeks of fear and bad dreams.

�� How long
was it?� he muttered, when he could feel Hermione pulling back and wiping at
her face, and Ron had coughed and turned away, embarrassed at his own show of
emotion. �Draco mentioned something about three months I was part of the maze,
but��

�� He fell
silent, because Ron�s eyes were huge, and Harry thought he had bad news to tell
him. But instead, Ron said wonderingly, �It�s true. You really do call him
Draco. I thought he�d altered the Pensieve memories he showed us somehow.� He
stared at Harry for a few more moments, then shook his head. �Bloody hell.�

�� Harry
smiled through the tears slipping silently down his cheeks, because Ron said it
just the way Harry had heard it in his head whilst traversing the maze. �Yes, I
do,� he said. �We saved each other�s lives down there�we became so important to
each other�I can�t even tell you��

�� I know a
little about it,� Hermione said gently, and smiled at him, so brilliantly that
Harry felt compelled to grab her hands with both of his. If Ron was going to be
a wanker and not hold his hand anymore, Harry would just have to make up for it
with his other best friend. �Malfoy did tell us the true story of what happened
to you. He had his voice back immediately after you sacrificed yourself.� She
paused, and her face darkened, and Harry knew he was about to get a mouthful.
�Harry James Potter, what a bloody stupid
thing that was to do��

�� I couldn�t
see any other way at the time,� Harry interrupted. He didn�t want to talk about
the mistake that Draco was never going to let him forget, especially when he
still didn�t really believe that it had been a mistake. �What about you? Were
you hurt down there?� He realized he was shaking, he was so afraid of the
answer. Richard was dead, but there were still other Unspeakables, and if Harry
had to go after them to take revenge for his friends, it would only be after
some time spent lying in bed, which would give them days to scatter.

�� No,�
Hermione said quietly. �They gathered all of the recruits together in a large
room in the center of the Department of Mysteries, and told us that we were
about to see history made. Then Richard cast a spell.� She paused. �And after
that, I don�t remember anything until we woke up in front of the tree, and
Malfoy was torturing Richard. It�s a good thing Ron didn�t have a wand at that
point, or Malfoy would have died.�

�� Some of
the things he showed us suggest he should have,� Ron muttered.

�� Harry
couldn�t help it; he snarled at Ron, his hands closing down on Hermione�s until
he let out a little squeak. Ron turned so pale that his freckles really did
look like spattergroit, and fell back with an uplifted hand.

�� Whoa,
mate! I know he did suffer, and I
wasn�t really suggesting he deserved to go back there. Just that I don�t think
he�s a perfect little angel of sweetness and light, either, though he�s been
trying to convince the Mind-Healers he is��

�� Ron Bilius
Weasley,� Hermione said, sitting up and preparing to launch into lecture mode,
�we owe him a debt we can never repay because he brought Harry back, and you
know they�re so entwined in each other�s lives that we�ll have to get used to
him. Besides, he did help me with that research��

�� I know,�
Ron muttered sulkily. �Doesn�t mean I have to like the git, all right?�

�� Actually,�
Harry said, thinking it would be good to explain before Ron and especially
Hermione got the wrong idea, �we aren�t part of each other�s lives permanently.
That was always just a temporary bond. We got close down there, but there�s no
reason it should continue up here, where we both have other people.�

�� Ron and
Hermione turned to stare at him. Ron�s expression was wary, tinged with just a
hint of hope. Hermione was looking at him with pity.

�� Harry,�
Hermione whispered. �I saw the look on Malfoy�s face when he realized that he�d
lost you to the maze, and especially when I tried to tell him that I thought it
was hopeless and you weren�t coming back. He never gave up. He isn�t capable of
giving up anymore, not when it comes to you. If you tried to give him space,
you�d just be doing him a cruelty. If you tried to date someone else, I�d
honestly be afraid for their lives. You have to go through therapy together��

�� I know
that,� Harry said impatiently. Why could none of them see? He had thought his best friends would support him, if only
because both of them disliked Draco so much. �I always planned to support Draco
during therapy. But that isn�t the kind of deep and healthy relationship that
Draco needs.�

�� Hermione
opened her mouth, but someone else coughed from the door. Harry turned around
to stare. A tall, slender, dark-skinned woman stood, her thick black hair wound
on top of her head. She reminded Harry instantly of the Patil twins.

�� Excuse
me,� she said. �I couldn�t help overhearing you. My name is Sita Agarwal, and
I�m a Mind-Healer here at St. Mungo�s. You�re going to be one of my patients,
Mr. Potter. I had wondered why Mr. Malfoy was having so much difficulty in our
sessions.� She raised her eyebrows in a gesture that made Harry instantly wary
of her. McGonagall had raised her eyebrows like that sometimes. �I think I
understand now. Mr. Potter, could I ask you to come into our first session with
an open mind? Your preconceptions of what Mr. Malfoy wants could easily get in
the way of his healing.�

�� Harry
flinched and lowered his eyes. �I never wanted to do that,� he muttered,
feeling guilt travel through him like a snake�s bite. �I just want to make sure
he has the very best of everything he needs.�

�� Agarwal
nodded briskly. �I understand, Mr. Potter��

�� Please
call me Harry,� Harry interrupted. She was also reminding him of his Auror
training instructors, and he didn�t really need that right now.

�� Thank
you.� Agarwal inclined her head, but didn�t return the favor. �That will make
things easier. And I understand your desires, Harry. I think most of them are
even commendable. But your employment of them is not. Please, will you come
into our session prepared to listen to Draco as well as yourself?�

�� Baffled,
Harry nodded. What in the world has Draco
been telling her? She can�t really believe all that nonsense about his needing
me as a permanent partner, can she?

�� Agarwal
smiled at him, a smile that was cold and assessing, and then turned and walked
away up the corridor. Harry blinked, shook his head, and turned back to Ron and
Hermione, determined to talk about the Weasley family and other normal things for a while.

�� The
normality resulted in Mrs. Weasley bustling in a few minutes later with an
enormous platter of food that Harry suspected was contraband in hospital,
followed by her husband, and then George, and then Bill and Fleur and little
Victoire, and even Percy. Ginny peeked in shyly, then joined the rest of the
family and started talking to him as if he had just returned from another
daring escapade in Hogwarts, which was what Harry preferred, really.

�� As she
left, she held out her hand for him to shake, hesitated, then leaned in and
gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

�� It felt
like nothing more than Mrs. Weasley�s kisses to Harry. He gave her a weak smile
and thought of pretending to feel something, but Ginny had already seen. She
was perceptive like that; she had already noticed there was a problem with
their dating before he would acknowledge it. She squeezed his hand, whispered,
�I hope you�ll be happy with him,� and then followed her family out of the
room.

�� Harry was
left to stare at the ceiling in silence, since it was near ten-o�clock at night
and the St. Mungo�s attendants were chasing all visitors out.

�� He really
did wish that everyone would treat him normally, he realized. He hoped the
Ministry wouldn�t insist on honoring him with a medal or something. He hoped
Ron and Hermione wouldn�t feel obliged to walk on eggshells around him just in
case they accidentally mentioned something that triggered memories from the
maze. He wanted everyone to think, or at least pretend, that being part of the
maze, and traveling through it, hadn�t changed him.

�� Why? Hermione�s voice, back in his head
after a too-long exile, chirped. Why are
you so anxious to deny that this ever happened?

�� Harry
pictured the consequences to Draco if he wasn�t able to adopt Harry�s
point-of-view, and shivered. He would just have to hope that Agarwal�s stern
commitment to reality�at least, Harry thought she had that�meant Draco could
join reality again, soon.

*

�� Harry.�
Agarwal�s voice wasn�t a whit more welcoming in her own domain, which seemed to
consist entirely of white walls and flooring and couches to Harry. There were
cushions on the floor, too, no doubt for the comfort of patients too disabled
or skittish to sit on the couches. �So good of you to come. You can take
whatever seat you like.�

�� Harry
looked around hesitantly. The only other person in the wide office was Draco,
who started up from his couch with such a desperate expression that Harry
really had no choice. He walked over to him at once and embraced the other man,
feeling Draco grab for him with trembling arms.

�� Harry was
aware of a bone-deep�no, a soul-deep relaxation
that touched him the moment he was in Draco�s embrace. It must be because
they�d spent so much time like this in the maze, he thought. They�d grown
accustomed to the position, and of course Draco would still remember even
despite the three months Harry had spent as the maze, because he�d been unable
to move on, obsessed with bringing Harry out of it again.

�� But they
had an audience in the room, one who would be watching their movements
calculatingly and trying to work out as much information as she could, and
Harry was aware of that even if Draco wasn�t. He coughed gently, trying to
bring the other man back to reality.

�� Missed you
so much,� Draco whispered, and his
voice was thick with longing. �Even being without you for a few hours hurts.�
He lifted his head and stared at Harry with gray eyes in which regret and yearning
and devastation sparkled together like pieces of shattered glass. �You won�t
leave me again?�

�� Harry
opened his mouth to give a reassuring reply, but the look in Draco�s eyes
demanded the truth. He said, �I�ll stay as long as you need me to stay.�

�� And if
that�s forever?� Draco�s hands moved from his sides to his shoulders, rubbing
along Harry�s shoulder blades as if he had to make sure they were bone and not
wood.

�� I�you
don�t need me to stay forever,� Harry said, and produced a bright smile from
somewhere. �Once we get through some of the therapy, which I don�t doubt will
take a long time, then��

�� Draco
stepped back from him with a snarl that transformed his face. Harry hid a
shudder. He was suddenly sure that Draco had looked like this in the moments
right after Ron and Hermione�s waking, when he�d been torturing Richard. He
looked warily at Draco�s hand, but there was no sign of a wand.

�� You don�t understand,� Draco said, low-voiced.
�You�ve never made any effort to
understand. Even that promise you made to me in the maze was just humoring me,
wasn�t it? You never intended to stay, and if we had got out of there without
your transformation, you wouldn�t have done it, either. You�re so eager to run
off to some little witch, to some version of a normal life, that you want to
leave me behind like baggage��

�� I don�t,� Harry snapped, angry that Draco
could have so misunderstood him. �How clear do I have to make it? You�ll need
someone to help you through the healing. I can fulfill that role. But you�ll
need someone else to help you through the rest of your life, and I�m not the
best person��

�� Draco
seized him and shook him hard enough to make the teeth rattle in his head.
Harry gasped and tried to pull away, but Draco had abruptly released him and
was staring at him from across the room, hands clenched. His thumbs were
rubbing compulsively over his other fingers, Harry noticed in a daze, as if he
weren�t quite used to having them back yet.

�� You don�t listen to me,� Draco said. �Why do you
never listen? You�ll sacrifice your
life for me, but you won�t live for
me.� He was shaking again, and there were tears standing in his eyes.
Horrified, Harry took a step forwards to reassure him, but Draco shrank away.
That hurt more than anything Harry had been through in the maze. �I need you, I
love you, and yet there are times I hate you!�
Draco�s voice soared suddenly into a shriek, and he flung a hand out in a
gesture that made Harry doubly glad he didn�t have a wand. �You think you know
best all the time, and you just ignore what I want to say. You�re treating me
like Richard did when he took away my voice. He thought if he ignored my
objections, it meant I didn�t have
any. How dare you��

�� It�s
because I love you so much that I want the best for you!� Harry bellowed, the
restraints on his temper breaking at last. �God, how many times and ways do I
have to state this? You just need�maybe I could be the best for you, but you
don�t know that! What if you�re
missing out on someone even better because you haven�t looked? I�m so far from perfect, Draco, and you deserve perfect. You deserve someone who
can listen to you without getting angry, who doesn�t remind you of the maze
every time you�re near him, who won�t wake up screaming from nightmares of his
own��

�� For the
last year of my life, I�ve been denied the ability to want.� Draco spoke
quietly, and yet Harry went still to listen. �Everything I tried to protect in
the maze has been destroyed. Every good memory I had was raped, and replaced with screaming horror. I�ve done things that
make it impossible for me to live with myself. I�ll be the rest of my life recovering
from this. And in the middle of that I found a person who makes life more than
tolerable for me, and you want me to abandon you, because maybe someone better is out there? Fuck no. You�re not leaving me.�
His eyes took on that broken-glass glitter again.

�� Harry
clenched his hands. �But what if��Draco,
I�ve been good at so few things in my life. I suffered to keep you safe because
I�m good at that. What if I mess up?
What if I hurt you again?�

�� Draco
laughed shakily. �We�ll hurt each other, of course,� he said. �I won�t settle
for some bastard imitation of perfect, some relationship where I�m the child
and my lover is my parent. You�re not my Mind-Healer. You�re just Harry, and
you�re mine, and you�re more than enough for what I need you to do.�

�� Harry
shivered. He felt as if the most fragile and the most honorable responsibility
in the world had been placed on his shoulders.

�� It would
hurt me so badly to hurt you,� he whispered.

�� Draco took
a long step towards him. �You already did, when you lied to me and became the
maze,� he said. �Help me to recover, damn
it. Stay here, and face your
mistakes, and let me heal you, too.� His voice cracked, and he shook his head.
�God damn you, Harry Potter, you�re the only person I know who would choose to
have his ribs and his fingers and his memories torn from his body rather than
just admit that he loves another man.�

�� Well,� said
Agarwal, �this has been more interesting and instructive than I could have
reckoned.�

�� Harry
leaped. He had honestly forgotten she was there. He turned to face her,
cautiously, and only belatedly realized that he�d moved to put his body between
her and Draco, as if she were a threat. He flushed and cleared his throat, but
Agarwal was speaking on, her faint, cold smile lingering on her lips.

�� Harry, you
seem to have the impression that you�re wrong for Mr. Malfoy, that he could
find someone better. Is that because you don�t love him?�

�� No,� Harry
said hotly. �Draco�s explained a little to you about our situation in the maze,
hasn�t he?�

�� Yes,� said
Agarwal, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. �But I am not his only
Mind-Healer. Mostly, he has spoken to me concerning his relationship with you.
But I was able to hear only his side of the story, and even what he implied
about yours does not prepare me for the reality.� Thoughtfully, she tilted her
head at Harry. �You are stubborn and do refuse
to listen to him. Perhaps you are getting the idea at last.

�� Did you
even know that you will have to have therapy, Harry?�

�� What do you
mean?� Harry would have stepped away from her, but Draco was leaning against
his back, his breath sighing from his lungs as if Harry�s skin were oxygen to
him. �I�ll support Draco as much as he needs, but I�m��

�� Agarwal
sighed, and spoke as if to a young child. �You spent three months as a strongly
non-human entity, Harry. You also shared Mr. Malfoy�s memories, and some of his
experiences. You also, might I add,
thought it a good course of action to suffer endlessly in order to spare
Draco�s life, instead of trying to find another way.�

�� I was
saving my friends, too!� Harry insisted, folding his arms. �And there was no other
plan that would have worked.�

�� What about
detailing Richard as the sacrifice?� Agarwal lifted her eyebrows. �From what
Mr. Malfoy has told me about him, he seems to have been fanatical enough to
agree to it.�

�� Harry
flushed, because he hadn�t even thought about
that. �We couldn�t have known he was telling the truth about the incantation.�

�� Mr. Malfoy
also told me about the Gryffindor�s Potion.� Agarwal folded her hands on her
knees and regarded him severely. �To me, it does sound as if you would rather
run away from the difficulties of loving Mr. Malfoy than remain in the same
world with him�no matter what the price of running away might be.�

�� Harry
hissed. He had only had fifteen minutes of therapy, and it was already a
blistering experience. �I need less therapy than Draco does!�

�� I do agree
with that,� said Agarwal. �And I will be talking with him alone, as well as
with both of you, about his possessiveness and his general absorption in his
relationship with you. It has mounted to an obsession, which is not healthy.

�� But you
will also need to realize that your love involves the need to love, as well as make sacrifices.�

�� Harry shook
his head, closing his eyes. His tongue felt so heavy. �I�m not good at that,�
he said at last.

�� Draco
hugged him. Agarwal�s face softened for the first time. �You have enormous
problems with your self-image, Harry,� she said. �It seems that you believe,
because the most significant event in your life was defeating Voldemort�� Harry
looked up in surprise, but she didn�t seem to realize she had done an unusual
thing in speaking the name ��that that is the only skill you have. It is not
so. You can stand on your own. You had enough strength to enable both you and
Draco to survive the maze.

�� But you
were changed by that. You did not emerge unscarred, because no one could have.�
Her tone hardened again. �I need you to admit
that, and accept the healing I can give you, along with therapy at the
hands of other Mind-Healers. One of my colleagues works with wizards and
witches who spent too long stuck in their Animagus forms; he will be handling
your attempts at becoming fully human again, since he has the closest analogue
of a true expertise. But all of this will be useless, and you will be a poorer
partner to Draco indeed, if you do not admit that you have a problem.�

�� Harry
turned away from her. Ultimately, she wasn�t the one who had to make the
decision. That belonged to him, and to Draco.

�� He took
Draco�s head gently between his hands, one on his chin, one on the back of his
neck, and tilted his face up. �Is this what you want?� he whispered.

�� Draco
stared into his eyes, apparently disbelieving that Harry had asked the question
with the intent of listening. Then a watery smile lit his face, and he nodded.

�� Harry
swallowed. He was still unsure�still thinking that someone who really loved
Draco would search out someone different for him, someone who didn�t have as
many faults�but Draco wanted this.

�� And he
wanted to be with Draco, selfish as it seemed to admit that.

�� He turned
around, and said, �All right.�

�� Agarwal
sighed and flexed her hands.

�� You�re not
really that hard a woman, are you?� Harry asked, stroking Draco�s hair.

�� Agarwal
smiled at him again, this time with amusement. �I�m as hard as I must be to get
the results needed,� she said. �You will find that out in detail in the next
few months, Harry.�

�� Harry did
his best to smile back.

�� It was
easier than it might have been to do that, with Draco snuggled against his side
and under his arm.

�� Where he belongs, Harry thought, before
he could stop himself, and then he couldn�t be horrified at the thought no
matter how he tried.

*

�� Lilith: I
think that�s a really good description. They�ll never recover fully.

�� Off_the_deep_end:
No, no one drank the sap. The maze was closed off most of the time that Harry
was a part of it, so no one became immortal.

�� And thanks!
I do hope to be a writer someday.

�� Dezra: Oh,
yes. But he might be starting to get the idea now!

�� Mangacat:
Yep, the consequences of the horror they suffered are still reverberating.

�� Hi-chan:
Harry is slowly moving towards acceptance.

�� SoftObsidian74:
I think it will go till Chapter 34, which means five more chapters. And thanks
very much for the praise; I�ve had an awesome time writing this story.

�� Mystiedaze:
Draco hit him with a big 2x4 in this chapter. Agarwal will hit him with others.

�� LarienMiriel:
Thanks for reviewing!

�� GreenEyedCat:
Oh, yes. But to be fair, he wouldn�t have struggled as hard for many other
things as he struggled for Harry.

�� WeasleyWench:
It will be a volatile relationship. Anger
and tears and arguments along with healing. I can�t just ignore the scarring,
and neither can they.

�� Graballz:
Yes, the willingness was the big issue. People who became sacrifices to the
maze would not normally come back again because no one would ask them to. But
when Harry stopped being willing to support the maze, he came out.

�� Draco is,
um, very insistent about the �Harry not leaving� thing.

�� Well, I don�t
write BDSM (I�ve tried in the past. The results were not pretty). Mostly, there
will be screaming and fighting, though not physical.

�� Thrnbrooke:
Thanks for reviewing!

�� Kayo: A few
more chapters.
- 28
- 29
- 30
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Forgive Those Who Trespass