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Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

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Chapter Twenty-Nine: Good Night

Sirius Apparated straight into the Ministry Atrium, when he arrived he broke into a sprint, his robes flying behind him. He was filled with reckless energy as he skidded to a halt before the lifts, jabbing the button. Kingsley stood at his side with Tonks and Mad-Eye. Remus caught up with them, his eyes narrowed slightly. All of them held their wands at the ready.

When the lift opened on the Department of Mysteries they broke into a run again, flying down the corridor and pushing the door open. It slammed shut behind them and all they could hear were their ragged breaths in the odd bluish light. Sirius swallowed, wiping his arm across his forehead, he realised he was shaking...but not with fear. He recognised that bubbling sensation, he had known it once, long ago as James faced Voldemort...he knew he was excited. He licked his lips as Kingsley went for a door, he opened it and shook his head, closing it again.

They tried several doors until Tonks cried out. "Found them!"

They flew into an odd room that looked more like an amphitheatre. Sirius saw Harry, cornered on the odd dais with the archway and he watched as Harry stretched out his arm...

They all fired curses at the same moment. Red light streaked from their wands as the gathered Death Eaters looked up as one. Sirius was first to jump down each bench-like step, he leapt easily from one to another, raining curses down on his opponents. He was wearing a smile that stretched his face and he couldn't help but feel a buzz of adrenaline shoot through him as he struck a masked Death Eater right in the face.

Remus ran down the steps, dodging curses and firing his own as he raced the jets of light. He caught glimpses of Sirius dodging, weaving and grinning like a madman. He almost smiled himself, it had been so long since he had last seen Sirius looking so alive.

They duelled violently, Sirius acting on instinct as he countered spells, jets of light shattered stone, the odd scream lost in amongst the furious sounds of battle. Each person focussed entirely on their respective opponents, they couldn't afford to look away. The Death Eater he was duelling was good, he was slowly being driven backwards but before he reached the stone steps he waved his wand, his hand little more than a blur as light hit the man in the chest and he was thrown backwards with a scream. He turned and saw Harry tripping over a plump boys legs, which were dancing. He saw Dolohov lifting his wand but before he could complete his spell Sirius shoulder barged him sideways, he went flying but regained his balance and became locked in combat. Sirius' breath came in sharp gasps as he felt heat streak past him, barely missing his face. Sparks danced, light shattered into fireworks in the air around them and Sirius gritted his teeth, the only thing in his mind was Harry. He had to protect him. He had to protect James' Legacy...he had to find some way to ease the burden of his sins.

Remus was forced backwards, his back hitting the wall, he ducked as green light shattered the stone above his head. He gasped as he rose, making a short slashing movement with his wand. An explosion knocked the Death Eater off his feet, he crashed into another and they collapsed. He paused, catching his breath for a second before vaulting the Dais in the centre of the room and battling another.

**Dolohov raised his wand, his face contorting and suddenly red light shot from somewhere to the side, he went rigid and keeled over. Sirius blinked and turned to see Harry lowering his wand. He grinned. "Nice One!" He called. He moved closer to Harry, forcing his head down as spells shot over them, he leaned close, shouting over the noise. "Now, I want you to get out of..." They ducked again, more light shooting over their heads, tugging at Sirius' hair. Sirius' eyes were drawn to the steps, he saw Tonks fall, and...he felt his heart stutter in his chest. Time seemed to slow down as he watched Bellatrix laughing as she ran. "Harry, take the Prophecy, grab Neville and RUN!" He shouted, springing up and running as fast as he could to engage his cousin...if only he could kill her...if only he could exact revenge for all the awful things she put him through! He swept his wand around and fired a curse at her back, she spun around, robes flaring around her feet as she deflected his spell with a flick of her wand, when she saw him her eyes brightened and she smiled. Sirius returned that smile, shaking hair from his eyes, eyes which glittered in imitation of hers. He felt excitement rush through him as he fired a curse at her, she dodged. They broke into a fast, heavy duel. Stone broke beneath their feet, shattering with the sheer force of magic used, Sirius was driven slowly but inexorably towards the Dais which he hopped up on. Bella followed him. Their eyes were locked, blind to everything else, their smiles twisted as they fought.

Remus saw Malfoy hit the dais on which Sirius was duelling Bella furiously, he had no time to watch however as the blond man raised his wand and aimed it at Harry. Remus growled slightly, firing a vicious curse at his Death Eater before running, full pelt towards Harry, he dived between them, blocking Malfoy's spell. "Harry, round up the others and GO!" He shouted. He engaged Malfoy in a duel, dodging hex's and curses. He fired his own but Malfoy was equal to it, he gritted his teeth...he could at least provide a distraction while Harry got out of there. Light hit him in the chest, his shield charm deflecting most of the curse but he stumbled backwards, hitting the floor, he raised his wand, panting and flicked it causing Malfoy to stumble as he was forced backwards. He jumped up the steps, drawing Malfoy away from Harry and Neville, his mind half on Malfoy half on the two boys.**

"Filthy half-breed!" Malfoy hissed, firing another Killing curse at him, it shattered the stone by his feet, he slipped but steadied himself...and then it happened.

The doors above them slammed open, eyes were drawn upwards. Remus turned and felt an odd sense of heady excitement flare within him, searing his chest as he saw Dumbledore standing there, gazing down at the fighters. He couldn't help feeling the electrical charge of victory, even though they had yet to get the prophecy out of the Death Eaters hands, Dumbledore was there and they had won.

With an almost terrifying ease Dumbledore rounded up the Death Eaters, dragging them back from escaping. Remus gazed in awe as he watched the Death Eaters try to flee and fail, they knew when they were outmatched...then his eyes landed on the only pair still duelling...and his heart stopped in his chest.

**Sirius threw his head back after dodging Bella's jet of red light, he laughed derisively, loving the pure, unadulterated joy that came from a good duel. He was exhilarated, feeling younger than he had done in years, he felt as if he couldn't lose! His blood roared in his veins, like hot lava and he shouted at his cousin, taunting her; "Come on, you can do better than that!" When the light hit him in the chest he didn't immediately register it, all he could feel was an awful pulling sensation as he slowly fell backwards...his eyes alighted on Remus.**

I'm sorry...I couldn't keep our promise...

And he fell...

Somehow Remus knew what was going to happen, even before it did. He felt emptiness fill him as he moved towards Harry. He watched in absolute horror as light hit Sirius squarely in the chest, his face had time enough to register shock and fear as he fell backwards...Remus gazed, seemingly frozen to the spot, until a piercing scream echoed through the room, following Bella's laughter...

**"SIRIUS!" Remus turned, as if in a dream, he felt numb...he could hardly even process what had happened as he saw Harry charging down the steps. "SIRIUS!" Harry screamed again as he ran for the Dais, Remus grabbed him around the waist before he could follow him.

"There's nothing you can do Harry..." He gasped.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!" Harry shouted desperately, struggling against Remus' hold. The only sounds were Bella's laughter and Harry's grief stricken screams.

"It's too late Harry..." He said, swallowing hard, hiding his own pain. He pushed it all down as far as it would go, he couldn't examine it yet...not until he was alone. "There's nothing you can do Harry, nothing...he's gone." It was hard to keep his voice steady as emptiness swamped him. Harry struggled desperately in his arms and it was getting harder and harder to hold him, he swallowed again, unable to tear his eyes from that arch way.

"He hasn't gone!" Harry yelled. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" He screamed, his voice cracking slightly.

Remus held on, he could not let go. "He can't come back, Harry," he said, his voice breaking as he struggled to contain Harry. "He can't come back, because he's d-..."

"HE - IS - NOT - DEAD!" roared Harry. "SIRIUS!"

Remus began forcing Harry backwards as spells shattered stone once again, he dragged him forcefully out of the way. He had to protect Harry...he had to protect Harry...He had to...he nearly lost it, but managed to regain his senses as his vision wavered. He continued pulling the struggling boy away from the fight, repeating the litany over and over in an attempt to distract himself from the gaping chasm where his soul had been. Finally Harry stopped struggling as they reached the stone benches, Remus watched, feeling nothing as Kingsley fought Bellatrix in Sirius' place...he didn't like that awful, ringing silence in his head...he didn't like it...he hated looking at that dais that kept yanking his gaze roughly, tugging at his mind as he fought desperately with himself not to follow...

He heard Neville speaking to Harry and he turned, seeing Neville's legs still dancing. "Here..." he muttered roughly, pointing a shaking wand at him. "Finite..." Neville's legs stopped. "Let's - let's find the others. Where are they all, Neville?" He turned his back on the arch, unable to look at it, every word cost him massive amounts of pain as he fought desperately with his emotions, he had to stay strong, he had to stay strong for Harry...

"Dey're all back dere," said Neville through his broken nose. "A brain addacked Ron bud I dink he's all righd - and Herbione's unconscious, bud we could feel a bulse."

There was a loud bang and a yell from behind the dais. Remus spun around and saw Kingsley hit the ground yelling in pain. Bellatrix Lestrange turned tail and ran as Dumbledore whipped around. He aimed a spell at her but she deflected it; she was halfway up the steps now. "Harry - no!" cried Remus desperately making to grab him again, but Harry had already ripped his arm from Lupin's slackened grip.

"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!" bellowed Harry. "SHE KILLED HIM I'LL KILL HER!" And he was off, scrambling up the stone benches.**

He made to follow but was stopped by a firm hand on his arm, he looked up into piercing blue eyes. "Stay." Dumbledore said firmly, he released Remus who watched him run up the stairs after Harry. He felt himself begin to shake, he swallowed hard, unwilling to turn back to the arch, but it pulled him...he turned slowly and gazed at it. He could still see Sirius' face, as clear as day in his mind. He stumbled forward, tripping on his feet but moving towards the arch with its black curtain as it swayed innocently.

"Remus..."

He ignored the voice and the arm that grabbed him, he yanked himself free and gazed up at the arch feeling his breathing hitching in his throat.

"Remus, come on...we need to make sure the others are..."

"No." Remus said, his voice cracking. "Leave...me..." he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, it squeezed him once before releasing him. He heard the distinctive sounds of a wooden leg and knew it was Moody who had tried to comfort him. He climbed up onto it, ignoring the whispers, the hissing insults and every other noise as he walked towards the curtain, arm outstretched. He could hear whispering, gentle whispers, whispers of promises broken...whispers of love lost...whispers of terrible pain and heart rending grief. He swallowed again, ignoring the tears that began to slip free from his eyes. Then his legs gave way and he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands. "Sirius...Sirius..." He gasped. "Why? Why did you...how could you...? YOU BASTARD!" he screamed slamming his fists onto the stone beneath him. He bowed his head, trying to stem the flow of his grief...but it was useless as it overwhelmed him. He covered his face, sobbing desperately into his hands, his shoulders shaking. Someone put a hand on his shoulder, he didn't know who it was. He couldn't feel anything except the gaping chasm where Sirius had been, he was shocked to find his heart still beating in his chest, he was shocked to find that he was still breathing...why was he still breathing when the whole world had ended?

"Come on...up you get."

Remus let himself be lifted off the cold stone floor and helped down from the dais. He took one last look at it through tear filled eyes before turning away. He gently detached himself from Moody's helping arm. "I-I...I'm fine...I'll..." he bit down on his lip and shook his head, gazing at Moody who simply looked back at him, his magical eye pinned to the group of Death Eaters who had been captured by Dumbledore. "I have to continue...don't I?" He croaked finally.

Moody shrugged. "He knew what he was doing."

Remus swallowed and nodded. "Y-yes..." he said.

"Reckon he would've liked to go out like that, if he had a choice. He was smiling till the end."

Remus turned away, wiping his face on his sleeve and taking a shaky breath. He could grieve later, what mattered now was Harry. As he took a step away from the arch he could have sworn he heard sharp, bark-like laughter. He spun around gazing with wide eyes at the arch way...

Remus...

His name. A single word, uttered with such emotion he thought it would break him...and it nearly did. He felt something deep within him shatter as he realised he would never again feel those lips on his, he would never again know those rough, calloused hands as they ran up his body, he would never again hear that voice speak his name...

Grimmauld place was silent as he stumbled inside, he couldn't see straight as he walked, weaving slightly as if the house was trying to tip him off his feet. He reached the stairs, grabbing the banister and he stumbled up them, falling into the wall as grief and anger overrode him. He was crying, he knew he was, his vision was blurred but he couldn't feel the hot tears falling onto the green carpet. He reached Sirius' room and slammed the door open, panting slightly as he fought the urge to scream. He saw everything was exactly as it had been. The bed unmade, the desk filled with paper, an ink pot standing open and ready for use, a black quill lying across parchment...he frowned and moved over to it. He looked down and saw, with a sickening jolt, Sirius' neat handwriting.

I love you more than you will ever know.

He took a sharp breath, and then it escaped him in a sob. He fell to his knees and cried desperately into his hands, letting the tears come as he choked on the upsurge of powerful emotions.

Dumbledore didn't immediately alert Remus to his presence, he watched the man, usually so calm and collected, lose himself. He watched with sadness in his blue eyes as Remus cried without restraint, he was bent over on the floor, his hands over his face as tears fell onto the worn old carpet, creating stains. "He was a good man, Remus."

Remus didn't look up, he knew he would be followed. No one had ever seen him lose it, except for Dumbledore. "H-he was..." he couldn't finish.

"Sirius knew the risks...he knew what could happen..."

"He knew he was going to die!" Remus screamed suddenly, the sound tearing through the dusty old house like a knife. "He knew it! I-I could s-see it..." He took a sharp breath. "And I couldn't save him." he ended in a hoarse whisper.

"No one could have saved him, Remus...he was a brave, intelligent and energetic man, It is partly my fault."

"No...No...The blame lies with me." Remus wiped his eyes on his sleeve and climbed shakily to his feet. His eyes lingered on the parchment, he picked it up and put it in his pocket. "It's my fault. I should have been here for him, I could have..." He shook his head slowly. "How is Harry?" He said hoarsely, turning to face the headmaster.

"He is as well as can be expected under the circumstances."

"Good..." Remus gazed at the bed, remembering holding Sirius, remembering his soft whispers in the darkness... "He's strong...he'll be alright."

"Remus, no matter how strong Harry is, he needs you."

Remus closed his eyes, tipping his head back. "When James died I had thought that nothing would be able to ease my grief...but then I discovered that Sirius was innocent and that knowledge, simply knowing he was not guilty eased the pain...but now...now there is only darkness. Albus...I can't live without him."

"You must, Harry needs you."

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat again, opening his eyes as he gazed at Dumbledore with expressionless eyes. "I don't know if I can do it..."

Later he sat in his empty house, gazing into the fire. The bottle of whiskey sat on the table and every now and again he would pick it up and sip some, he wanted to drown...he wanted oblivion. When the first knock came he ignored it. The outside world no longer mattered, because living was pointless...everything was pointless now that Sirius had been stolen from him. The knock came again, several sharp raps upon the wood and he stood, swaying drunkenly as he stumbled to the door he opened it, his eyes taking a moment to focus on his visitor. She stood in the doorway looking nervous, her large dark eyes glancing at his unshaven face, his crumpled robes and his messy hair.

"Remus...?" She whispered softly.

"Tonksss?" He muttered, swaying and moving back to let her in.

She entered, gazing around at the mess. He hadn't bothered cleaning in a while, his mind dwelling continuously upon Sirius. She followed him into the living room and watched him take a deep swig of whiskey before falling into a seat and return to gazing at the crackling flames. "Um..."

"Take a seat..." Remus said, not looking at her. "I am in no mood for talk..."

She sat down nervously, her fingers twisting into an old t-shirt as she shot him wary glances. He had dark circles beneath his eyes, which were bloodshot and red from tears. She felt pity well up within her until she felt tears of her own in her eyes, she couldn't sit in silence. "I wanted to tell you...that...that I'm here...i-if you need someone to..." She fell silent as he lifted his eyes to hers, they were so dark they could have been black.

"Offering me comfort?" he whispered hoarsely. His gaze swept her, she had dark hair today and her jeans slightly torn at the knee. She looked scared. He tipped his head to the side, with the fire light flickering across her face and if Remus let his eyes slip out of focus she would look like him...it didn't take much stretch of the imagination to see him in her. He stood unsteadily, moving towards her and leaning over her, he planted his hands on the arms of her chair and she gazed up at him with slightly startled eyes. "I was wrong..." He muttered to himself, his fingers reaching up to brush hair from her eyes gently. "I thought it was him...but no...it was me all along wasn't it?" His voice was low, husky, almost a growl.

"What-What do you mean?" She whispered, unable to look away from his eyes. She wasn't afraid, exactly, but she could feel her pulse racing, heat flooded her cheeks and she swallowed nervously.

"You like me, don't you?" He asked bluntly, fingers tracing her jaw gently.

"I-I..." She glanced away but her eyes returned to his.

Remus smiled wonkily. "It's true...he always was better at reading people than me..." He leaned closer, his breath smelling strongly of whiskey.

Tonks felt his stubble scratch her cheek but as his lips met hers she could do nothing but let her eyes fall closed. She felt all her long hidden fantasy's coming true and she never wanted it to end, she felt his tongue asking for entrance and parted her lips. His kiss was sloppy, filled with a desperate need that his voice had hidden. She leaned forward, feeling desire clench her in his heated fist. His roughened fingers pushed into her hair and slowly It began changing colour, he pulled away, glancing at it, running the long strands through his fingers. She gazed back at him questioningly.

"Can...can you make it stay black?" He asked softly, his words coming out in a whisper.

She felt pain in her chest, like a dagger through her heart and tears sprung to her eyes. Yet, when she looked into those beautiful brown depths she found herself unwilling to deny him, she had wanted this for too long. Slowly her hair darkened again, going as black as the night and lengthening to fall onto her shoulders. She swallowed her pain, and slowly her eyes changed colour as well, going a dark, steely grey, Remus' smile was all at once heartbreakingly sad and beautiful. "I-Is this...what you want?" She asked softly, ignoring her conscience as it berated her for becoming something else for this man...this man she had loved almost as soon as she had seen him smile at her.

"Yes..." Remus whispered and kissed her, there was suddenly much more passion behind it as he pushed his tongue past her lips and pushed her back into the sofa, his warm hand glided across her arm, sliding beneath her t-shirt. She pulled away with a gasp.

"W-Wait..." She muttered, feeling afraid. "I..."

Remus saw the pain in those eyes, eyes that she had changed just for him. His hand slid into her hair and he slipped his arm around her waist, he could no longer contain it. His mind was filled with Sirius, his laughter, his smile, the feel of his hair beneath his fingers...every tiny memory crashing into his head obliterating all other thoughts as he pulled Tonks out of the sofa and onto the warm rug before the fire.

The candles flickered as they burned low in their holders, dripping wax onto the floor. Tonks let Remus touch her, she wanted him, and part of her knew she was going to end up getting hurt, but she wanted it. She wanted it too badly to stop him from pulling down her jeans, from kissing her exposed stomach. She gazed into his eyes as he held himself above her, they were out of focus, his pupils dilated by desire as he slid into her. She sighed, letting her eyes close until she felt him kiss them, he whispered to her; "Keep them open..." and she did as he asked, unable to deny him.

Their ragged breathing filled the quiet room, their skin glistened in the fire light as they made love. Remus was gentle, his hands exploring her body, his muttered words soft and filled with a love intended for another. Tonks was unable to stop the tears from sliding down her face as she gazed up at him, he did not see her, his tender words were meant for someone else...his heated kisses filled with a passion he did not feel for her, the desire in his eyes as he swept gazed at her proved that he was only thinking of him.

She was unlike anything Remus had experienced before, she was wet and tight and hot, her breasts soft against his hands, her body gentle and plaint as they moved against the scratchy rug. But his mind didn't dwell on it, he thought only of Sirius, when he dragged his fingers through her hair, when he kissed her deeply, when he gazed into silver eyes...it was Sirius he saw. When she moaned his name, it was Sirius' voice he heard. When he came, with a violent shudder, it was Sirius' name that left his lips.

Afterwards they lay still, panting slightly. Remus slowly came to his senses and he lifted himself up so he was sat on his knees, he looked down to see Tonks. Her eyes had turned dark brown, almost black and her hair, which was splayed across the carpet was brown and dull looking and the tears that fell silently down her cheeks made his heart break all over again. He bit down on his bottom lip, he reached for her before drawing back. "I-I'm sorry..." he whispered softly. "Tonks...I am so...so sorry!"

Tonks sat up slowly, unable to look at him. She reached for her clothes, putting them on as she stood shakily and walked away. Remus sat still, the fire dying in the hearth as he gazed into nothing, tears slid down his face, unchecked. His body didn't feel cold or hot...he simply felt numb and, as the door slammed shut he fell forward, shoving fingers into his hair and gripping it tightly as his grief overwhelmed him. "Sirius..."

**Speech taken from JK Rowlings Order of the Phoenix
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