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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity and other issues.

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 29:

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pissed Off Mother

Sirius prided himself on many things in this world.
One was that he was adaptable. That was self proving when it came to him because he had not only survived his parents, but Azkaban as well.
The second was he was able to roll with the punches and think on his feet. Again, that was self proving with what he went through in his life and went hand in hand with the first item on the list.
Third on the list was he was able to defend himself damned well. In school, as an Auror, in Azkaban, it didn't matter, he was good at it. Always had been and always would be.
Fourth was that he was fairly unshockable by now. He might end up slightly blindsided, but he then reverted back to the first one on the list and went with it. Once more, that was self proving with this whole bonding nightmare. It was blindsiding, strange, bizarre and all other manner of adjectives, but he had rolled with those punches and was dealing with them.
Finally, that he was up to the task of protecting Harry. Most wouldn't tangle with him when it came to his godson. They knew better. He could be vicious, that he knew, and when it came to protecting Harry, someone that, somehow, kept getting drawn into nightmares, he had to employ it, as several had found out.
That was until today. Because what was going on tested all those on the list in a way that he hadn't thought anything could. And it added to that list the fact that he was getting older. That wasn't a realization he liked or wanted to admit, but it was there.
Honestly? He really wasn't sure what happened to bring on the latest nightmare. It seemed that one minute he was getting ready to leave the house with Harry to escape what was going on and, hopefully, give everyone a chance to keep the nightmare under control, then the next the insanity that had gone on until that point paled in comparison to what came next.
All he knew was that he was confronted in the entryway by an irate Cissy, who was brandishing her wand, eyes alight with not only fire, but insanity, her normally carefully coiffured hair disheveled and standing up all over like the Muggle parody of witches around Halloween. In fact, all she needed was the traditional pointed hat and she could pass as one. The minute she saw him, she started shrieking something about Draco needing a permanent babysitter and Lucius learning how many curses she knew. How she got in was beyond Sirius' comprehension, but she was there. Then a fun run the likes of which they hadn't seen to this point took place. Not just one fun run either, two of them.
The first one came about because Lucius heard her then took off out of the house towards the backyard faster than Sirius thought the great pervert could move. Though Cissy headed that way, the threats leveled at Snape started. As expected of anyone with even an ounce of sanity, Snape headed out too. Because Snape was involved, Remus was as well.
From what he could see, they were running all over the backyard, having done several laps around the Quidditch pitch by this point. Snape and Lucius were fleeing for their lives and Remus—well, it appeared that his trying to reason with Cissy didn't work because he was moving faster than Sirius had ever seen him run. Cissy was trailing all of them, shrieking at the top of her lungs about not watching Draco while firing off spells. He wasn't exactly sure what spells she was using, just that he didn't want to end up on the receiving end of any of them. Add into the mix the fact that the psycho-ferrets were out there, actually seeming like they were trying to help Lucius by attempting to distract Cissy in their normal ways and you had chaos.
He and Harry were about to go out and help when the next part of the disaster happened; Draco managed to get out of his room. That started the fun run in the house because the minute he saw Harry and started in again, his godson freaked out then began to run. Draco then began the pursuit. Of course, to help the poor panicked Harry, Sirius trailed along, trying to stop Draco. As expected. Draco couldn't get within five feet of Harry because of the spell on him, something he was sure Harry had forgotten in his blind panic. Either that or his godson was worried that the Malfoy brat had negated the spell somehow, probably something justified. It was then he learned that the age factor came into play.
Quickly he caught on to the fact that there was no fucking chance in hell he could keep up with two very in-shape, agile teenagers. Factoring in Harry's completely panicked state and Draco's obsession made it even worse. A couple of laps around the downstairs then up and down every stair in the fucking house and he was winded. Kreacher was trying to help, but even the elf was panting heavily after the high speed chase. As the two teens didn't look like they were slowing down anytime soon, Sirius knew he had to do something. The only thing that came to mind was Padfoot. So, he shifted. Then he learned that even Padfoot wasn't able to keep up with the teens. A couple more laps and trips up and down the stairs were enough for even the dog to end up panting heavily, feeling like he was going to drop. This wasn't good.
At this juncture of the 'fun', Sirius wasn't sure what to do. Kreacher was trying, really he was, but the old elf couldn't keep up either and looked like he was about to expire. Though he was doing better as Padfoot, the speed the two teens were going had him trailing further and further behind with each lap. Yeah, not good. Which meant he had to do something to help. The only thing that came to mind was setting a trap.
Stopping as the two headed up the stairs again, Harry not saying much, just focusing on keeping out of Draco's clutches and Draco doing that whole whinging thing, Sirius panted heavily, trying to catch his breath after he shifted back. Hand on the wall, sucking in much needed air as he tried to get his breathing back to normal, he was thinking what to do. The only thing that came to mind was what he would go with; something to net Draco.
Summoning some elves, he had them set it up on the now 'assigned' route the two were taking and waited, hoping like hell it would work. If it didn't, he wasn't sure what to do.
Yeah, well, he should have known better. The insanity that had gone on since the bonding should have been enough to realize that nothing he planned for would go the way it should. This was the same way. Instead of taking the route they had been following, Harry turned and headed out the door to the backyard. Of course, once Harry did that, Draco followed him. He could understand why his godson did that, as it appeared Draco was closing in on him, so he wasn't going to snarl, too much anyway. Taking off after the two, knowing what was going on out there and how dangerous it was, he began to beat himself over the head for not doing something to give poor Harry a heads up as to what he was planning. That didn't last long, though, as the three of them were quickly drawn into the insanity happening in the backyard.
Within seconds of stepping outside, Sirius didn't have much time to think about how they all managed to end up in a writhing heap on the ground that surrounded the swimming pool or how Cissy had managed to end up in said pool, but he thought he might understand some of it. With Cissy not letting up and in full on insane evil mode, one, if not all the participants in the backyard fun run, must have decided they needed a new strategy then were heading into the house. He didn't ponder anything beyond that, of course, but it sounded about right. After that, though, he didn't get much of a chance to ponder anything else as a shriek and a kinda' stammery sound from Harry had him untangling himself from the pile then standing, wand out.
Quickly, he managed to extricate his godson, who slipped under the back of his robe, climbed his back and clung to him, digging in with his knees to cling to him, arms wrapped around his neck. Now, Sirius loved his godson, he really, truly did, with all his heart, and would do anything for him. That was self proving over the years. He needed to breathe, though! Harry was squeezing so tightly in his panicked state that he wouldn't do that well. Keeping his wand leveled on the pile, as he heard the whining from Draco growing louder, he managed to get Harry to loosen his hold just a tad. That was all that was needed for him to suck in some much needed oxygen. After several bracing breaths, he asked, not sure if he really wanted to know, but knew he had to, “What happened.”
“He groped me,” Harry moaned, shuddering.
Though he was certain of the answer, Sirius asked, “Are you sure it was him and not Lucius?” Hearing a disgruntled huff from Lucius, he couldn't help but grin just a little.
“It wasn't Lucius as he has his hands up my robes,” Severus snarled, trying to extricate himself from the bottom of the pile. “Something he needs to remove before I curse them off!” At this juncture of the 'fun' he wasn't sure where Narcissa was, but the lack of shrieking and threats by her had him heavily on edge, which boded nothing good. Which meant they all needed to stand and stay on their toes, as she wasn't apt to calm down anytime soon.
“I was wondering who that was,” Lucius muttered as he untangled himself. Standing, he brushed off his finely tailored robes then huffed as he tried to get his hair in place. “You need to gain weight, Severus. You're far too thin.”
“The state of my 'thinness' is none of your business, Lucius,” Severus snapped, glaring at him after Lupin helped him to his feet. “And giving my arse a grope went well beyond what was happening.” However, he was stopped from going any further by what he saw behind Black. All color draining out of his face, he slid behind Lupin in an act of self-preservation. He had never in his life seen a look like that on Narcissa's face and was sure it meant nothing good. With that, the small thought of there wasn't enough booze, drugs or cuddling that would manage to get him to his happy place anytime soon came. At this juncture, all he was really worried about was keeping his body parts right where they belonged and that whatever she did was reversible.
Eyes going wide as he glanced at his soon to be ex-wife, Lucius, too, slid behind Lupin and crouched down, trying to hide. As he did, he was trying to figure out a way to give himself a much needed running start so that he might manage to keep the precious gender defining bits unharmed. If it meant throwing Severus and Lupin at her, he would do it. After all, they didn't know just how bad she was and the kind of danger he was in.
Stammering and stuttering, eyes wide, at what he saw of the advancing Narcissa, Remus wasn't sure what to do to calm the situation. In a voice that was decidedly squeaky, he said, “Now, just calm down, Narcissa. No need to do anything rash. The more spells that are thrown, the less likely we are to resolve the situation going on.”
Leveling his wand at Draco, who was starting to whine louder and inch towards them, Sirius cast a stunner on the teen, who dropped immediately. Good! Once he did that, he spun around to face Cissy after hearing Remus. Wand leveled at her, he couldn't help but grin. She looked like a wet cat. A very pissed off one. And never in his life had he seen her this unkempt. Her perfectly styled hair was hanging about her face in wet tangles, makeup was running down her face, and her clothes were soaked, looked like rags instead of custom made robes that were expensive. It was amusing and he would probably find it more so when she was done being completely batshite insane. Trying to keep the chuckle out of his voice and after whispering to Harry to stay where he was, he said, “Look, Cissy! Calm down and we'll try to figure out a solution to the problem. You chasing all of us around and trying to hex off body parts is getting us nowhere.”
“Lucius knows he has to keep an eye on our son,” Narcissa hissed, raising her wand and leveling it in the direction her soon to be ex was cowering. Wand then leveling at Severus, relishing in how pale he went, she added, “As does Severus.”
“And your son is old enough to know right from wrong. He has been for a long time,” Sirius told her baldly, reaching out and grabbing her wrist, forcing it away from the ones behind him. “He made choices, Cissy. Knowing full well what could come if he mucked up what he was doing. He ignored it. Blame him. As old as he is, we shouldn't have to attach to him like a shadow. Harry is the same age and we don't have to do it to him!”
Eyes narrowing, Narcissa turned her gaze to Sirius then hissed, “He's still a boy!”
“He is not,” Sirius snarled back. “He's a teenager that knows just what he's doing and the consequences for some of what he pulls. That's the reason he's sneaky and conniving, making sure not to get caught! And this time the consequences of a prank he was trying to pull backfired on him in a way we're desperately trying to counter. So, if you don't want the actual real authorities or Albus involved, knock it off! We need help, Cissy, not you doing a damned good imitation of Bella! The only thing that will help is not only not having Albus involved, but the authorities and the staff of St. Mungos looking into your sanity! It's your choice.” That's where he stopped and waited, hoping like hell it worked. Narcissa could be reasoned with if you went about it the right way. If not, he had a few other tricks he could pull out that would get her going in the right direction. He just hoped it worked.
Looking over Sirius' shoulder at the three all but cowering behind him to her Stunned son, Narcissa lowered her wand then sighed, “What did he do this time?” With Draco, as he had about as much common sense as Lucius on so many matters, one never knew!
“Let's go inside, have a drink of something calming and we'll discuss it,” Sirius told her, hoping like hell Snape got the hint and produced the most powerful calming draught he had so they could dump it into the beverage of her choice.
Nodding, Narcissa rose to her full height, dried off her clothes, ran her hands over her hair then said, “I'm finding the facilities to freshen up.” Then, head held high, she stomped off into the house, still vowing revenge, though admitting to herself that she needed to know not only the situation, but a solution to it before she could exact that.

Slumping slightly, wand lowering, Sirius looked up at the sky and shook his head. Finally, for once, something actually worked. Oh, he doubted she would remain calm for long, especially once she heard what the real problem was, but it didn't look like hexes and curses were about to fly. For that he was thankful. Patting the still trembling Harry's hands, he turned around to see stunned faces staring at him. In the case of Lucius, a slight look of awe was there as well. Grinning, he said, “You just have to know how to handle Cissy. Invoking Bella's behavior helps as well.”
“That was most masterful, Sirius,” Remus said, straightening his robes, relieved that he wasn't in danger of getting hit by a spell gone awry.
“I do concur,” Severus groused, loath to admit that, though.
Not sure what to say, Lucius just looked at his bondmate in awe. No one, anywhere, would cross Narcissa or attempt to get her to calm down. Even the Dark Lord himself tended to vacate the premises when Narcissa was showing the first signs of temper. This was—oh, it was good! It meant that his poor gender defining bits, things that had crawled back up inside his body and were cowering somewhere behind his kidneys, weren't in danger at the moment. This pleased him! Oh yes, Black was more dominant than he could have dreamed. Which meant he had to make this work correctly so they could get moving in the right direction. Of course, that meant keeping himself on some sort of leash to accomplish it, but he was now certain that he had the proper motivation for doing that.
“Alright, Lucius? Go lock Draco back in his room. Remus? Go gather everything you have so far on this nightmare. Snape? Two words; Calming Draught. And the most powerful one you can find. I don't care if it knocks her senseless. I'm not doing any more fun runs!” Sirius said. Seeing nods then the three going to tend to whatever, he chuckled and said, “Harry, you're safe. I think you can come out of my robes now.”
“I'm good right where I am,” Harry said, not letting loose of his godfather. In fact, he scooted further up and clung to Sirius, wrapping his legs around him. “I think it's best I stay right here. People aren't likely to try anything if I'm doing this.”
“There is that,” Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “We'll go with that. You and I are going in to wait for Cissy in the kitchen. Our job is to keep her calm until the Calming Draught works. I should be able to manage that.” Putting his hands under Harry's legs to keep him in place, he headed for the kitchen.
“You know, that was pretty impressive,” Harry said, resting his chin on Sirius' shoulder. “You did great! Everyone else was cringing.”
“Yeah, I did, didn't I?” Sirius said, grinning at the compliment. “You just have to know how to handle Cissy is all. I spent years doing it, not to mention poking to set her off. You learn plenty doing that.”
Giving Sirius a squeeze, Harry laughed, “I guess I didn't think about it that way. It was great, either way. I thought she was going to end up hexing all of us.”
“And if I hadn't done anything, she would have! Though I won't say it to her face, as it would set her off, she's as bad as Bella in many ways. It's even worse because she keeps her head while she's doing it. That makes her more creative. You don't want to end up on the wrong end of Cissy's wand, trust me there. Another upside was some of the pranks we learned in school, I got the idea from something Cissy pulled. That made them bad.”
Laughing at that, Harry shook his head. Stopping, he thought it over then gave Sirius a kiss on the side of the head. “That's for the rescue. I rather lost my head there with Draco.”
“Understandable that you did,” Sirius admitted, grinning once more at the kiss. “I have no idea still how he managed to take that spell off. With all you're dealing with when it comes to him, running away is a very viable option.” Snorting, grinning bigger, he admitted, “We just have to put something else in place because I learned the hard way that there is no shot I can keep up running with you two, even as Padfoot. I think we about did poor Kreacher in as well. So, we need something else in mind for a plan if that ever happens again.”
“True. I didn't think of that!” Harry snickered. Shaking his head, he added, “I think we're all getting plenty of exercise with the fun runs and panic. Keeps the heart rate up quite nicely.”
“It does,” Sirius admitted with a nod, letting them into the house then heading for the kitchen. “Just not the way I want to do that. Whatever good it might do is negated by the panic, emotional whatever from it and other bits that aren't needed. Yeah, I think we can all do without those.”
“Very true,” Harry conceded with a firm nod. “Yeah, some of those bits I could easily do without. In fact, I just want one insanity-free day where we don't have to worry about something setting off chaos.”
“That's a goal we need to work towards,” Sirius told his godson, a determined bent to his voice. “Which means, maybe, once we get Draco out of here and things drop to their normal level of insanity, we might have a chance at one calm night a week. We'll see what we can manage. Even if it's just getting out of the house to do something, it'll do all of us a world of good.”
“We need to do something. If we don't, I'm sure that one, if not more, of us are going to end up going off the deep end ourselves.” Mumbling, he added, “And I'll probably end up being the first. Blimey—I need therapy, lots of it, and can't take much more!”
Snickering again at Harry's seeming need for therapy, Sirius told him, “We'll come up with something. I'm sure it's just more than you at the breaking point with this nightmare. Getting pushed there myself. Though, with me, it's probably more of a show of temper. I've already got a running list of people I plan to get even with at some point. A certain Potions Master and the great pervert are tied for the top spot with that. It's best I don't as it might set off a chain of events to make the insanity worse.”
“We don't need that,” Harry breathed, shuddering at the mere thought.
“Which means we need to start doing something,” Sirius told him, walking into the kitchen. Before taking a seat at the table, he was slightly disappointed that Harry slid off his back and out from under his robes to sit down. Taking a seat himself, he slipped an arm around his godson and held him close. “We'll find a way. It'll just take time. We need this mess sorted first. Then we can press on.” Grinning, he said, “And we'll find a way to get revenge that won't get us in worse of a nightmare. It'll just take time. Between the two of us, we'll come up with something.”
Liking that idea, Harry nodded, chuckling. Leaning against Sirius, he felt better. Oh, he was sure the rest of the day wouldn't be fun, but as long as he was with Sirius, he would be fine. That was good.
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"Why Me?"