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All\'s Fair In Love And War	By : jameschick Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 21683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Bitter Reality

Gods I miss him. He's been gone for three days and I am miserable. I knew it would happen eventually, I'm Harry Potter after all, I'm not allowed to be happy. At least not for long anyway. He broke up with me.
I don't know why, I mean, it was like he was making excuses, you know? Telling me it was for the best, that it had to happen sooner or later and besides, he was a pureblood, and the only boy and he would have to marry eventually to keep the bloodline going.
I guess I knew all of these things on some level, but I ignored them. I wanted to believe him when he told me he loved me. I was a fool. A complete and utter fool. I should have known when he wanted us to remain a secret that it was never going to be more to him, that it would end sooner than later, and that I would be the one left picking up the pieces of my shattered heart.
And it is shattered.
He took the Mark.
I got to see the whole thing in shining Technicolor through my link to Voldemort. I had to watch, unable to turn away as my lover kneeled before that bastard, as he proudly displayed his arm. I saw the pride on the face of the elder Zabini, smelled the stink of his flesh as the Dark Mark burned into his very soul, heard his teeth grinding together to keep from making a single sound in his agony.
Once again, Voldemort claims the life of a person I love.
Thank Merlin Ron and Hermione went to the Burrow for the Holidays. I mean, I love them and all, but since they never knew about me and Blaise, or the fact that I fancy boys at all, it would be difficult to have them around. It's difficult to have anyone around. I guess it's a good thing that there aren't too many people here over the break. Unfortunately, one of the few students who did stay was none other than Draco Malfoy.
Ever since Lucius was sent to Azkaban, Draco has stayed at Hogwarts for all the Holidays. I guess maybe he doesn't get on with his mum too well or something. I don't know. I really don't care either so long as he leaves me alone. He's been acting weird.
Last week in Potions class, I bumped his elbow accidentally as I was heading back from the supply closet and caused him to dump almost half a beaker of mermaid tears into his cauldron. His potion was ruined and I fully expected him to lash out at me - verbally if not physically. I apologized and waited for the insults to come and all he did was shrug his shoulders and say "Accidents happen, Potter. Don't worry about it." Needless to say, after class I went to my room and got the Marauder's Map to make sure Malfoy was actually in the castle and it wasn't a Death Eater on Polyjuice. I'm not sure which would have been more disturbing. Especially since it turned out that Malfoy was indeed Malfoy.
But it gets worse.
The night before break, the night Blaise told me we were through, the night I spent down here by the lake under the Willow tree crying my heart out and wanting nothing more than to curl up and die, Malfoy came up to me. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me. Then he handed me a handkerchief, settled his own cloak around my shoulders, and walked away. I'd almost think he knew what had happened, that he actually felt badly for me.
Then this morning, Dumbledore told me that Malfoy had asked for sanctuary after Graduation. That Draco didn't want to become a Death Eater, that he was afraid if he went home he would have no choice but to join Voldemort or die for refusing.
I don't know what to think about this.
On one hand, Draco Malfoy has been the bane of my entire Hogwarts career. Every nasty prank, every painful hex, every cruel word spoken from his lips has been directed at me or my friends - until recently. But on the other hand, he doesn't want to join Voldemort and I can only be relieved about that.
I just wish Blaise had made the same choice.
My chest hurts just thinking about it. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to but I can't seem to stop. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I remember how he would look at me as I slowly slid inside him. I remember how his breath would tickle my ear as he whispered that he loved me. I remember the way he would smile when we were alone and he could let the Slytherin mask fall from his face. I remember long nights of passion and sweat, of holding him in my arms, of taking his body into my own and the overwhelming ecstasy of feeling his mouth on my cock, his fingers in my arse followed by the painful pleasure of his prick stretching me wide as he impaled me again and again.
But then, I remember how he bowed to Voldemort, how he crawled to him and kissed the hem of his robes, how he held his wand in a sure, steady grip and tortured that helpless muggle man for no reason other than Voldemort had told him to. I remember these things and the tears come again.
There's no stopping them.
Now, I wish I had Ron and Hermione, that I had told them what happened. I wish I had someone who understood; someone to hold me and tell me things would be okay, that the pain would go away eventually, that it would get better, but I don't. And just as that realization strikes me, as my breath hitches and my chest tightens, I feel warm arms wrap around me, a gentle hand petting my hair. I hear a low soothing voice whispering to me, telling me things will get better, that he knows, that he cares, and that I'm not alone.
The relief I feel is so huge that I don't even care that this is Malfoy who is offering me comfort. That these are Draco Malfoy's arms wrapped around me, that his fingers are gently carding through my hair, that his lips are pressed so close to my ear as he whispers all the things I long to hear.
I don't care that it's Draco because he has chosen me over Voldemort. Something my lover wouldn't do.
And as I give into my emotions, as my tears continue to fall and harsh sobs break from my chest, he holds me tighter and begins to rock me back and forth and I wonder, not for the first time, how things might have been if I had taken his hand back in first year.
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All\'s Fair In Love And War