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The Evil and Nefarious MST's of Lord Alexander	By : Sal Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1557 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
A/N — again, all warnings apply. NC17 slash, you know what I like by now, so run, run away if they are too spicy for your tastes.

Disclaimer — everything belongs to JK, nothing to us. We bow at the altar of her perfection, worship her magnificence, marvel at how much her husband looks like an older Harry etc. etc.

This is dedicated to Auror Borealis, the writer of the fic. Again, kidnapped and run away with — no permission. You may not kill me.

Chapter III - Whichever Ship You Sail

The oh so familiar dungeon basks in the afternoon sun. Well, it doesn't so much as bask as sit there and get warmed up a bit, but this provides a nice fluffy plot bunny which encourages all of our heroes to remove their robes. Which they do. Under pain of death by Alexander's minions.

>>JAMES the situation is this. We are sitting here, half naked, in a dungeon owned by an extremely sexually dodgy Welshman, shackled to these chairs
>>REMUS but they are nice chairs, Prongs
>>JAMES that may be the case, but we are still incarcerated in a castle in the middle of nowhere with a strange creature that keeps giving Snape lustful looks
>>SIRIUS sounds like a normal day back when we were in school, huh Moony?
&nb Sud Suddenly, in an almost scripted way that is starting to get a little suspicious, Alexander strides (actually, more minces) into the room, dressed as a pirate with a twist. He looks more like the principle ‘boy' at a pantomime, for he has on thigh length suede boots, tights, a black lacing-fastened shirt and a rather rakish eyepatch. Behind him a minion carries a tray with assorted eyepatches and a variety of comedy buccaneering hats.

>>BRECON — hello, hello, how are we? Enjoying the fic? Nice nipple ring by the way, Severus.

*everyone stares at the Potion Master's chest*

>>SIRIUS — um—there's nothing there
>>BRECON — silly me. I'd forget my own head if it didn't regenerate every time I got staked through the heart—did I say that! I meant if it wasn't stapled on, obviously. I did

*he flickers his hand into another complicated pattern in the air, and the next second Severus has a shiny silver hoop through his left nipple*

>>BRECON — there, much better. Anyway, back to the business in hand — are you sure you don't want a soothing balm rubbed on your chest to halt the stinging, oh liquid-opal voiced creature of darkness? I can do that for you if you like
>>SEVERUS — I'd rather be buggered by Voldemort than have your hands on my body, Brecon!
>>BRECON — oh, really? That's rather — how shall I put it — interesting
>>SEVERUS — what the hell do you mean, you red-haired loony?
>>BRECON — oh—never mind me, my creamy skinned love nymph, everything will eventually make sense. Right—where was I—oh yes — Ahoy there! I bring you the props for the next fic.
>>SIRIUS — props? Why on earth do we need props?
>>BRECON — oh obsidian eyed demon of perfection—I will stop doing this, I promise—this next fic has a theme
>>JAMES — could it be—pirates?
>>ALEX — actually, no. It's more Hornblower than anything else, but I couldn't get my hands on Ioan Gruffudd's things, so it has to be pirates
>>REMUS — I wouldn't mind getting my hands on his—
>>SIRIUS — that was so PREDICTABLE, Moony
>>REMUS — sorry

And once again they settle down to be mentally tortured by the evil young Lord's satanic devices. But now in amusing costumes.

This is SLASH. AU, out-of-character, non-socially-redeeming smut featuring two men having sex. NC-17

>>SIRIUS — well, at least we've been warned. More slash
>>JAMES — doesn't Brecon read anything else? What about two girls getting it on, or some straight sex for once?
>>SIRIUS — considering these fics are about Hogwarts, which particularly young and attractive females could be shagging? McGonagall? Sprout?
>>EVERYONE ELSE — AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
>>REMUS — it's much better if the slash is adhered to
>>SEVERUS — get any more turned on and you will be sticking to it, Lupin
>>JAMES — I never knew how utterly disgusting you were before, Snape
>>SEVERUS — that's because you've been dead. You have missed lots of interesting occurrences that have changed me from the sweet innocent Severus I was into the twisted and tangled mess you see before you
>>REMUS — there's not much you can say to that
>>SIRIUS — apart from—
>>SEVERUS — *interrupting* I know what you are going to say
>>SIRIUS — and I am going to say it
>>SEVERUS — no, you are n—
>>SIRIUS — INNOCENT? *snicker*

Summary: AU. Snape is a nineteenth-century ship's captain.

>>REMUS — I could see you in those breeches. You've got the legs for them
>>JAMES — apart from ‘avast behind!' *giggles like a maniac. Unfortunately, everyone knows this is the start of the really bad pirate jokes*
>>SEVERUS — at least I'd be distinguished, unlike some *glares at Sirius*
>>SIRIUS — wonder what your ship would be called?
>>REMUS — depends on who he's shagging

Harry Is his cabin boy.

>>JAMES — nooooooooooo! Get away from my son, you great big Slytherin fairy! Leave him alone!
>>REMUS — it's okay, James, it's AU Harry
>>JAMES — if he so much touches my Harry or AU Harry
>>SEVERUS — what you going to do, deadman? Disintegrate on me?
>>SIRIUS — as his godfather
>>JAMES — yes, Padfoot, you protect him!
>>SIRIUS — I think should be allowed to experience life in all of its forms
>>JAMES - *screaming* GET ME AWAY FROM THESE RAMPANT HOMOSEXUALS!
>>SEVERUS — Valium for table three

This is for Monique.

>>JAMES — who is one sick and twisted bitch!
>>REMUS — the age difference, for one thing
>>SIRIUS — and the fact that Harry is so obviously a virgin
>>JAMES — what does that mean, Sirius? What are you implying?
>>SEVERUS — that your wonderful son has not had sex
>>JAMES — are you saying my son is a loser because he has not shagged some large breasted tart with the IQ of a baked bean and most probably with cellulite?! Are you saying that, Sirius!?
>>REMUS — moving quickly on

The Cabin Boy Who Lived
by Auror Borealis

>>JAME— *who has calmed down a bit now* oh look, a pun
>>SIRIUS — Puntastic!
>>SEVERUS — what are you whittering on about man?
>>SIRIUS — a pun of high quality is awarded the title of ‘puntastic'

"Potter!" roared Captain Snape as he stalked across the deck.

>>REMUS — why do you always stalk or stride in these fics?
>>SIRIUS — yeah, I've seen you swagger, wander, skip
>>SEVERUS — when have you ever seen me skip?
>>REMUS — when we were role playing and you were Heidi and I was William Tell
>>SEVERUS — oh yes. I can remember your leiderhosen
>>REMUS — or lack of
>>SIRIUS — pity you were playing in the stables. It puts a whole new meaning to the song ‘The Lonely Goatherd'

His cabin boy, Harry Potter, shivered at the sound of his rage. Harry had no idea what he'd done now, but there always seemed to be something.

>>SEVERUS — straight away this fic is absurd. Potter JR. does not shiver when I raise my voice, he just looks mulish and does not listen
>>JAMES — you shut up about my son, or else?
>>REMUS — *almost cheerfully* I've read a fanfic where Harry actually copulates with your dead body. Very dead body
>>JAMES — I think I've gone off AU Harry now
>>SIRIUS — remember. Harry — real. AU Harry — not real
>>SEVERUS — therefore can I get on with screwing the fictional version of your precious son?
>>JAMES — by all means old man *cue strange look from the others*

Yesterday he'd dropped a full bottle of the captain's finest French brandy while waiting on the officers at dinner.

>>SEVERUS — that's it. He will have to walk the plank
>>REMUS — after you've reamed him first, obviously
>>SEVERUS — obviously. Payback for the brandy
>>SIRIUS — but Snape, you are allergic to brandy
>>SEVERUS — I'm not allergic to anything if they give me a way to punish Potter
>>JAMES — I'm a little worried about you teaching my son, Snape
>>SIRIUS — I'd be more worried about Remus ‘The Leech' Lupin

That had nearly gotten him thrown overboard; he'd scurried to the hold to hide among the cargo until Snape stopped shouting death threats. He was cuffed soundly upon returning to his master's cabin, but nothing further was said about keel-hauling or the plank.

>>SIRIUS — see Jamie, it can't really be Snape. If it was, Harry would have been strung up by now
>>JAMES — I'm trying not to confuse stuff, but it's difficult!
>>SEVERUS — serves you right for being thick, really, doesn't it

The day before, he'd forgotten himself and talked back to the chief navigator's apprentice, Draco Malfoy, and earned himself a thrashing from Snape. He winced in memory of the leather strap across his bare buttocks.

>>REMUS — you kinky bitch!
>>SEVERUS — you love it, don't you wolfboy
>>SIRIUS — seems like Harry will be liking it soon
>>REMUS — well, it's nice for boys to have a hobby

He watched apprehensively as the captain bore down upon him, wishing for the hundredth time that he had some means of making himself invisible.

>>JAMES — ah, this is a cunning reference to the invisibility cloak, isn't it?
>>SEVERUS — your quick mind astonishes me, Potter. I bow before your superior knowledge

Snape grabbed him painfully by one ear and pulled him across the deck, then shoved him roughly down the ladder into the hold. The floor was sticky, and the scent of rum filled the air.

>>SIRIUS — *snigger* sticky floor.
>>JAMES — ‘in the Navy, we shall sail the seven seas!'
>>SIRIUS — ‘in the Navy, we will catch a new VD!'
>>REMUS — ‘in the Navy, we are lonely men at sea!'
>>THE THREE — ‘in the Navy!'
>>SEVERUS - *dryly* gives a whole new turn to the phrase ‘active seamen,' doesn't it

"I understand you were skulking about down here last night, Potter." Snape's voice was silky and threatening. Harry shivered again.

>>JAMES — shiver me timbers! *muffled giggle*
>>REMUS — again, another reference that slips its cunning little way into fanfic — Snape's silky voice
>>SIRIUS — I think it's more like Nylon, myself
>>SEVERUS — go and fuck yourself in chocolate, murderer
>>REMUS — oooh, that's a brilliant idea!
>>JAMES — how can you fuck yourself in chocolate
>>SIRIUS — I think he is referring to my extremely long dick

"Yes, sir."
"Hiding among the casks, were we?"
The cabin boy hung his head,

>>SEVERUS — I hope he used proper rope and not piano wire
>>JAMES — you really are a Nazi, aren't you?
>>REMUS — I think he joined the Death Eaters for the uniform and the nice, well brought up men
>>JAMES — so proves my point

knowing what he must have done. What would happen to him this time?
"Somehow, the corks were dislodged from the bungholes of not one, but several casks of Jamaican rum.

>>SIRIUS — I have a dreadful feeling that ‘bunghole' is going to haunt us
>>SEVERUS — how do you know that
>>JAMES — woman's intuition

A good two weeks' supply is even now dripping from between the boards, intoxicating the fishes rather than the men.

>>JAMES — drunk fish! How rather splendid
>>SIRIUS — wonder if they are the sort of fish that are happy drunks and sing, or violent drunks and try and beat each other up?

What am I to do with you, Harry?" Snape stood behind Harry and pulled on the long, messy black hair, making the younger man stagger backwards with a yelp of pain.
"B-beat me, sir?" Harry gulped.

>>REMUS - *as Snape* no, dear boy! At the next island we are stopping at, Cuba, I am going to go and buy you rum, cigars and as many whores as your penis can cope with
>>SIRIUS — that'll be half a whore then
>>JAMES — what?
>>SIRIUS — the kid is probably sixteen. When you were sixteen, how long did it take you to come? About eleven seconds, and that includes the unbuttoning of the trousers

"An enticing prospect. But you don't learn from it, do you? I've taken the strap to you dozens of times, and my only reward for it is the sight of your sweet arse.

>>REMUS — I think we are starting
>>SIRIUS — blimey, how often did you see poor Harry's arse, Snape?
>>SEVERUS — whenever it was required for him to be punished
>>SIRIUS — and you needed wank material
>>SEVERUS — my dear Black, if I need wank material, you are sitting right here beside me
>>SIRIU—
>>SEVERUS — gotcha!

It's not as though you remember it, and keep out of trouble."

>>JAMES — how can he not remember his own arse?
>>SEVERUS — because he hasn't got one, that's why
>>REMUS — but Harry has got such a cute little bum. It's like two ripe peaches
>>JAMES — I am going to have serious words with you when we get out of here, Moony
>>SEVERUS — as arses go, it's mediocre
>>SIRIUS — who has got the best one then?
>>SEVERUS — easy. Muggle actor called Alan Rickman. Perfect
>>REMUS — and doesn't he look suspiciously like you, Snape *cure cute ear blushing again from the Sexiest Slytherin ™*

Still holding Harry by the hair, he propelled him forward to one of the huge barrels, now half full of rum. "Drop your breeches and bend over."

>>REMUS — aha! I sense buggery
>>SEVERUS — that's because you have been finely tuned over the years

Slightly bewildered, Harry did as he was told. Hadn't Snape just said he didn't learn from his beatings? Then he felt Snape pressing against him from behind, the man's thick erection pulsing unmistakably under layers of fabric against Harry's cleft. Harry gasped at the unexpected contact.

>>SIRIUS — contact? Contact is flesh against flesh, skin pressed against your lover, THAT's contact
>>REMUS — maybe it's First Contact
>>SEVERUS — Are you comparing me to Jean-Luc Picard? Who's Harry then? Wesley?
>>REMUS — can it be true? Are you a closet Star Trek fan?
>>SEVERUS - *defiantly* what if I am?
>>SIRIUS — best series and most shaggable character?
>>SEVERUS — ‘The Next Generation' and Data
>>REMUS — isn't he programmed in over 240 different sexual techniques?
>>SEVERUS - *smirk* exactly
>>SIRIUS — and you say you are straight

"No, my boy, I'm not going to thrash you. I'm going to teach you a different sort of lesson," he said hoarsely, his breath hot against Harry's neck.

>>REMUS — ‘do you feel my breath on the back of your neck, boy?!'
>>SIRIUS — please don't remind me of that advert.
>>JAMES — what advert?
>>SIRIUS — for rugby. Old man, young boy of about ten. What Remus said is the first thing said by this old man to this tasty bit of jailbait
>>SEVERUS — tasty bit of jailbait? And you warned James to be wary of Lupin as Harry's teacher?

Harry felt his own cock rise.

>>SEVERUS — and it crowed
>>JAMES — never attempt humour, Snape. It doesn't suit you

During long, sleepless nights on a pallet in Snape's cabin, he'd longed for the captain to touch him just as he was doing now.

>>REMUS — that's because he's a sixteen year old, full of hormones
>>SEVERUS — and who could in their right mind could resist me?
>>SIRIUS — everyone!
>>REMUS — apart from me. Snape knows how to wield his wand
>>SEVERUS — and I'm quite handy with my penis too

He heard Snape fumble with the fastenings of his trousers, and then a strong, callused hand gripped his hip.

>>SEVERUS — if this was me, my hand would be in a far more exciting place than his hip
>>JAMES — *to himself* I wonder if Durmstrang has this problem with paedophilic teachers

Snape shoved a finger roughly into Harry's mouth, and the younger man sucked at it, growing harder when Snape moaned.

>>SEVERUS — in his MOUTH! For goodness sake. If that really was me—
>>JAMES — yes, we know. You would have had him fucked and would have been out of there by now
>>SIRIUS — no stamina
>>REMUS — oh, you'd be surprised
>>JAMES — what does it mean he grew harder? His muscles contracted? Was he soft and squishy before and then got solid?
>>SIRIUS — James, you do have a way with words that makes things sound so bad you know
>>SEVERUS — it's quite an impressive oral talent
>>REMUS — not as impressive as me
>>SIRIUS — shame on you, Moony. That was just too easy

"That's it, Harry. Take another." A second finger was popped into his mouth, then a third, and Harry took them eagerly. Then the fingers were removed, and one of the moistened digits probed at his own bunghole. Harry clenched around it, his fingers painfully gripping the top of the barrel he was bent over.

>>SIRIUS — I KNEW we would be tormented by that bloody word!
>>JAMES — what's wrong with arsehole?
>>SIRIUS — Americans, James, Americans
>>JAMES — are Americans like haemorrhoids then?

"Bugger," Harry moaned when a second finger shoved inside.

>>REMUS — can I interject and scream something out very loudly here—PLOT DEVICE ARRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! Thank you. Just needed to get that out

"Precisely, Harry. I'm going to bugger you, right here.

>>REMUS — see, I was right after all
>>SEVERUS — even though we are in mourning for our eardrums
>>JAMES — just buy some more off the Cubans—hehehe!
*everyone looks at James, wondering exactly where he has escaped from*

I'm going to do what I've wanted to do for so long, and shove my cock into that lovely arse of yours. If I can't beat any sense into that thick skull of yours, maybe I can fuck some into you. Would you like that, Harry?"

>>SIRIUS - *as Harry* no sir, you see that would be statutory rape, and we could be arrested by Her Majesty's Government and keelhauled for that
>>SEVERUS — do you know nothing, Black? In those days, a lot of children were sexually active before they were fourteen, especially if they were guttersnipe like Potter JR there
>>JAMES — don't you call my son a guttersnipe
>>SEVERUS — in the story he is—stop confusing realities Potter. It just shows your lack of intelligence

The voice behind him trem wit with lust, making Harry do the same. A third finger penetrated his opening, and he cried out.

>>REMUS — I must admit that your saliva is incredible lubricant, Snape
>>SEVERUS — well, I can but try
>>REMUS — do you still do that thing with your tongue where you bend them over and probe their ar—
>>JAMES - *jumping in quick* stop it, Remus
>>REMUS — I haven't even started it yet!

"That's it, Harry. I want to hear you. So sweet," Snape said, brushing his lips over the exposed skin above Harry's collar. The fingers fucked him hard, brushing over and over again against a spot inside him that caused jolts of pleasure to race through him with every touch.

>>JAMES — you never explained what a prostate was
>>SEVERUS — well I'm not telling him!
>>SIRIUS — Remus, do the honours will you?
>>REMU— *sigh* the prostate; a gland situated in the male rectum that acts as the male g-spot. That's why so many men like to be fingered during oral sex, hey Snape?
>>JAMES — now I have a horrible image in my head
>>SEVERUS — good. You deserve it for not knowing what a prostate is

His prick was now impossibly hard, and he was sure he would explode at any moment.

>>SIRIUS — this Potter will self-destruct in five seconds
>>JAMES — can I be Farrah Fawcett Majors?
>>SEVERUS — only if I can be Drew Barrymore
>>REMUS — and I want to be Cameron Diaz
>>JAMES — but with better tits, obviously

He willed himself not to come; surely Snape would be displeased if he spent himself too soon. The battle for control made sweat drip from his forehead.

>>JAMES — what is Harry trying to spend himself on?
>>SEVERUS — a Firebolt?
>>SIRIUS — oh the sexual connotations of the Firebolt
>>SEVERUS — *tartly* just because you have a Cleansweep 7 between your legs doesn't mean we all have, Black

"Please, sir" he groaned, unable to stand it any more. The fingers withdrew, and he cried out in frustration.

>>REMUS — where did the fingers withdraw to?
>>SEVERUS — they tactically retreated back to Australasia
>>SIRIUS — were they trying to wage a land war in Russia?

"You want it, don't you, Potter?"

>>JAMES - *as Harry* - no sir, I don't sir. I was just going along with you to get to the ultimate point where saying no would piss you off, so now I'm going to jump ship and swim to Tahiti
>>SEVERUS — Tahiti is in the Pacific. We have them established in the Caribbean
>>JAMES — he could use the Panama Canal
>>SEVERUS - *strikes his forehead in apoplexy with James' stupidity over Geography*

Snape's voice was a rough whisper. Harry nodded helplessly. He could feel the blunt, hot head of the man's cock nudging at him, and he pushed backwards. The captain laughed.

>>SEVERUS — I'm quite the little sadist in this story, aren't I
>>REMUS — just like normal. Remember the time you chained me to the bed with silver handcuffs and dripped aconite on me?
>>SIRIUS - *appalled* you never? That—that—evil!
>>SEVERUS — and you say that like it's an insult, Black

"If I'd known what an eager slut you were, I'd have fucked you months ago," he said. "You're such a wanton little bitch, Harry."

>>SIRIUS — reminds me of someone not a million miles from here *everyone turns and stares at Remus*
>>REMUS — he could have meant someone else! He could have! Leaping to conclusions like that
>>JAMES — leaping to conclusions, but the correct ones at that

He pressed with teasing slowness into Harry's passage,

>>SEVERUS — ‘Passage to India?'
>>REMUS — The North Western Passage?
>>SIRIUS — that sounds vile, Moony

gasping as the muscles tightened around him. Snape gripped the boy's hips hard, holding him so that he couldn't move to impale himself before Snape was ready. "Tell me what you want, lad."

>>JAMES — three naked whores with huge breasts, a shotgun, ten years supply of Polo's and a subscription to ‘What Broomstick' monthly magazine
>>SIRIUS — Remus, lube, and a waterbed full of goldfish
>>REMUS - *deep breath* Lucius Malfoy, James Potter —
>>JAMES - *shriek!*
>>REMUS — Bill Weasley, Gilderoy Lockhart, Oliver Wood, Professor Quirrell — hang on, didn't you have him, Snape?
>>SEVERUS — I most certainly did not! Does anyone else have a strange sense of déjà vu?

"I want you," Harry moaned, his face pressed into the rough wood of the cask. "I want your cock buried in me, sir." Snape eased in further, inch by agonizingly slow inch. He stopped when he was halfway in and held still.
"Please, sir!" Harry begged. "I need all of it, now. I want to be fucked hard."

>>SIRIUS — god, you are such a tease
>>SEVERUS — Slytherin tendencies, isn't it Lupin?
>>REMUS — along with cunning, Machiavellian planning, and a certain obsessive detail, yes
>>JAMES — what kind of obsessive detail?
>>REMUS — well, lets say they have a very Germanic attitude to sex, and we shall leave it at that

Harry's words broke Snape's control, and he plunged fully into his cabin boy's hot, tight body.

>>SIRIUS — what, all of him?
>>JAMES — it must have been a swallow dive or something

Harry screamed as he was filled, his yells echoing throughout the hold as Snape gave him the thorough buggering he'd promised. He thrust brutally, over and over, and his hand moved forward to wrap itself around the younger man's throbbing member.

>>SEVERUS - *fondly* ah, it's never a proper slash fanfic without a throbbing member. How I like to see those
>>SIRIUS — out of the closet and into the frying pan

He ran his thumb through the fluid collected at the tip, and smeared it over the silken head. Harry shuddered violently. The captain stroked him roughly, pulling at the rigid shaft in time with the urgent tempo of his hips as they slammed against the boy's arse.
Harry's shoulders were knotted

>>REMUS — he must have crossed them too far up and got tangled

with his efforts to keep his grip on the cask, and sharp, soft cries were pulled from his throat as Snape worked him with his cock and his hand. The cries grew in volume, drowning out the captain's low moans, as his body tensed. His balls jerked up suddenly between his legs, emptying themselves of his seed as he exploded onto the wood of the barrel. Snape kept his hand sliding up and down Harry's cock until the spurts finally ceased. Harry crossed his arms and collapsed limply onto them,

>>REMUS — ah, all sorted now

and Snape moved his hand back to Harry's hip. Holding him steady, he pounded into the boy with bruising force until, shouting wordlessly,

>>JAMES — how's that then?
>>SIRIUS — more like an AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
>>SEVERUS — but ARGH! is a word. It's sung at the end of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer'
>>SIRIUS — so, a closet Trekkie and a ‘Buffy fan too.' Favourite character and series/episode?
>>SEVERUS - *promptly* Spike or Sweet from my favourite episode ‘Once More With Feeling,' and series four
>>REMUS — he knows his stuff

he threw his head back and pushed as deeply as he could, climaxing hard inside him.
Both men shook with the aftereffects of their passion, and to Harry's surprise, Snape turned his face for a gentle kiss before draping himself, sweaty and spent, across Harry's back.

>>SIRIUS — ew! I wouldn't want you all sweaty and stuck to my back
>>SEVERUS — have you actually slept with anyone, anyone at all? The cuddling at the end is the best bit
>>SIRIUS — bet you say that to all the boys, Snape

Harry couldn't help a soft cry when Snape finally pulled out of him.
Harry felt a rush of cold air against his backside when Snape moved away, and he turned to see his master tucking himself back into his trousers and straightening his clothing. He began to do the same, wondering if Snape still meant to punish him for the spilled rum.

>>JAMES — strapping him now? Wouldn't that be a bit sore?
>>THE OTHERS — ‘fuck yes,' ‘don't want to think about it, Potter,' ‘been there, done that — quite fun actually'

"If you can manage to make it through the rest of the day with no further disasters, Potter, there might be room for you in my bed tonight."

>>SIRIUS — so his bed expands if Harry has been good?
>>SEVERUS — wish my bed did that
>>JAMES — that's it. Harry is doing to Durmstrang!
>>REMUS — you want to protect Harry from sodomy by sending him to Durmstrang?
*huge peals of laughter from all apart from a rather confused James*

He kissed Harry lightly on the lips and climbed the ladder, disappearing out of sight.
Harry found himself whistling as he went in search of a mop to clean up the mess in the hold "the new one as well as the old.
The End

>>SEVERUS — I can't believe the author made me shag Potter. Of all the things
>>JAMES — I think we are all a little freaked out by that one, Snape
>>REMUS - *dreamily* I have an image of Snape as Captain Wentworth out of ‘Persuasion' now
>>SIRIUS — come on, Remus. Not likely he needs persuading
>>SEVERUS — for the final time, I am not gay! I am straight!
>>REMUS — even though 90% of the fics on fanfiction.net including you are of a slashy nature?
>>SEVERUS — they don't know me!
>>SIRIUS — you don't know you either
>>REMUS — join the dark side, Snape, come over to the deviants
>>SEVERUS — that would mean sharing a sexual preference with Alexander, and I'm not willing to do that
>>REMUS — he's quite cute. And he gave you a nipple ring
>>SEVERUS - *in his head* I'm too old for this
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The Evil and Nefarious MST's of Lord Alexander