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Marvin the Mad Muggle	By : AuctorRubra Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 1883 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: It�s not mine! *sob* Harry, all of his
friends, and the entirety of Potterverse all belong to J.K. Rowling and I swear
that I�m not making any money off of it. BUT�Marvin is mine, mine, mine and if
you touch him I will hex you into oblivion!

A/N: Thank you to everyone who�s reading! Kirkdawg,
thanks for the review. I�m glad you think its funny, because this is really my
first attempt at a humorous story and I�m trying really hard not to slip into
my old dramatic mode. Please keep reviewing everyone and let me know what you
think!

Chapter 3: Mugglesitter

Harry smiled at the man sitting
next to him as he continued to expound upon his love of the J.K. Rowling
books. Marvin seemed like a really nice guy and Harry knew that he probably
owed him his life. If he had fallen into any other backyard that he probably
would have been captured before regaining consciousness. Albus had agreed to
let Marvin stay at Hogwarts for a while and see the sites. Hopefully they
would be able to keep the Ministry of Magic from finding out about the muggle,
but Harry had contingency plans just in case.

�So, Marvin, do you have any
questions?� Harry could tell that his new friend was just dying to find out
the little details behind the stories. Everyone in the wizarding world always
did.

To Harry�s surprise, Marvin looked
uncertain for a moment. �Well, you know it�s very tempting to ask you to fill
me in on everything that happened your last two years at Hogwarts�but I�d also
like to wait for the books. How about if you just tell me how accurate she�s
been so far?�

Harry chuckled. �Well, that�s a
first. Hmmm�okay, I�ll try not to tell you anything that might ruin the last
two books for you. Besides, we�ll be able to discuss the next book in a couple
weeks.�

Marvin sighed and Harry had to
stop himself from laughing at the dreamy expression that crossed his friend�s
face. �I just can�t wait! It feels like its taking for ever for the 16^th
to come.�

�Yeah, I suppose it does when
you�re a big fan. I�m eager to see what she came up with this time. Sometimes
the stuff she writes gives me a pretty good laugh. Do you have anything
specific you want to know?�

�Was all that stuff about the
sorting hat wanting to put you in Slytherin true?�

�Nah. It actually thought about
putting me in Hufflepuff.� Harry couldn�t suppress his giggles this time when
he saw the look of confusion on Marvin�s face.

Marvin smirked. �Okay, you�re
just pulling my leg.�

�I�m serious! It went on and on
and on about how it could see my capacity for loyalty. I was mortified after
the things Ron and Malfoy had told me about that house. I thought for certain
it was a sign that I was destined to be a failure.� Harry sighed. Slytherin,
as if.

�Whatever happened to the amazing
bouncing ferret? Locked in Azkaban for life,� Marvin asked with an eager grin.

Harry thought hard for a second
trying to decide how much he should tell Marvin right off the bat. The poor
fellow was going to have a rough time of it if he judged everyone he met
according to the way they were portrayed in the books. �Er�not exactly. Maybe
we should discuss him later.�

Marvin looked a bit disappointed,
but he nodded. �One of those things that might ruin it for me. I understand.
So where are��

�POTTER!!!� The loud bellow of
Hogwarts� resident Potions Master cut Marvin off and Harry cringed. This could
not end well.

�Marvin�you might want to hide,�
Harry said pushing urgently at his friend�s shoulder.

The man quirked a brow at him.
�Why? I thought you said no one would obliviate, transfigure, or dissect me as
long as I stayed out of trouble.�

�I know, but this particular
wizard might not care that Dumbledore said you could stay,� Harry hissed and
motioned for Marvin to duck under the bed.

A light of understanding appeared
in Marvin�s eyes and Harry released a sigh of relief. �Professor Snape? Oh
wow! I can�t wait to meet him.�

Apparently, he had sighed too
soon. �No, please tell me you are not one of those people!�

�What do you mean?�

�One of those readers who think
Snape is actually a great big cuddly bear and was just faking it for the war.�
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. Snape was going to tear Marvin apart if
he didn�t think fast.

�Oh, come on, Harry. Everyone
knows that he�s really a warm, fuzzy bunny on the inside.� Marvin smiled and
stood to wait for the professor to arrive.

He didn�t have to wait long.

�POTTER, just what in the name of
Merlin do you think you are doing?!� Professor Snape burst through the doors
of the infirmary, hollering as he went. He arrived at Harry�s bedside and
poked at finger towards Marvin. �Just what is that doing in here?�

�THAT, is my friend Marvin
who just happened to save my life last night,� Harry snapped. He glanced at
Marvin and was relieved to see that the man had an amused expression on his
face.

Snape snorted at this point and
Harry rolled his eyes. Of course, Snape wasn�t going to believe it. �I know
you�re incompetent, Potter, but even you can get by with out the assistance of
muggles.�

�I�ll take that as a compliment,�
Harry said in a dry tone. �Marvin, meet Professor Snape. Professor Snape,
meet Marvin Vindeau.�

Harry watched with apprehension as
Marvin held his hand out to Snape with a silly grin on his face. �It�s a
pleasure to meet you, Professor Snape. I�m glad to see you made it.�

There was a tense moment and Harry
was able to breathe again once Snape shook Marvin�s hand. The git was still
eyeing Marvin suspiciously. �What do you mean?�

�Er�the war�I�m glad you
survived,� Marvin said with a small frown. Harry almost burst out laughing
again. Marvin�s tone suggested that he thought his statement was obvious.

Snape didn�t see particularly
pleased that anyone thought he was incompetent enough to have actually died
while spying. �I see. Had your doubts did you?�

Mavin coughed. �Not personally,
no. I thought you would make it no matter what, but one can never know for
certain what those crazy authors will do. Look what she did to Sirius! I was
pissed for days after I read that.�

Harry might have been offended if
he hadn�t known a small detail that Marvin had yet to uncover. Marvin must
have realized his slip up right away because Harry saw him wince and then turn
to face him. �I�m so sorry, Harry. That was really insensitive of me.�

�No harm done, Marvin,� Harry said
with a small smile. He would correct his friend latter. Boy is he going to
be surprised!

Marvin returned the smile and
turned back to Snape. �I wanted you to survive, but the word on the grapevine
on the fan fiction sites is that people think Rowling�s going to kill you off.
Some people think you won�t even make it through this next book, but I guess
they were wrong.�

Snape looked positively livid.
�She wouldn�t dare,� he hissed.

Harry couldn�t help, but laugh.
�It wouldn�t be the first time she pulled that trick, Severus.�

I really hope he didn�t catch
Marvin�s comment about the fan fiction. That�s one BIG secret that we�ve been
able to keep from him. Poor guy would keel over if he read some of that stuff.

�Don�t feel bad, sir,� Marvin said
with a laugh. �No one really wants to see you go. Most fan fictions I�ve read
are very�kind to you.�

Harry cringed and looked at Marvin
who had an amused twinkle in his eye.

No wonder Albus likes him.

Snape looked even more suspicious
at this point. His eyes were narrowed and glaring at Marvin. �What is this
fan fiction you speak of?�

�You don�t know?� Marvin looked
genuinely surprised.

�It�s nothing, Severus. Just some
weird muggle thing that you would have absolutely no interest in,� Harry said
hurriedly.

�Really,� Snape drawled. �Why do
I doubt that?�

�Harry, I think you�re
underestimating what a big thing fan fiction is!� Marvin laughed. �You should
read some of the stuff that people come up with. It�s crazy!�

�Marvin, I have read it and
I really don�t think Professor Snape would be interested.� Harry gave his
friend a look that he hoped conveyed how dire the situation was. There would
probably be mass muggle murder if Snape ever laid eyes on some of those
stories.

Gods!! He would have an
apoplectic fit just after seeing that there is a specific category for stories
about romances between he and I. Or what about those BDSM tales? I don�t
think the man has been laid missionary style in the last twenty years let alone
tied anyone up!

�Potter, I know you�re hiding
something from me and I will figure it out.� Snape turned his attention back
to Marvin then. �You, muggle��

�Marvin.�

�What ever. The Headmaster has
asked me to keep an eye on you for the next few days while Harry finishes his
recovery.� Snape looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth.

�Be nice to him, Severus,� Harry
said warningly.

Snape�s only reply was muttered
but Harry was pretty sure it was something about obliviating Marvin and leaving
him to the Death Eaters.

�This is great,� Marvin
exclaimed. �I can�t believe I�m going to get all this time with you. It�s
going to be so much fun.�

Harry choked on his laughter when
he saw the look on Snape�s face. Marvin might not live through the week if he
kept this up. �Marvin, Professor Snape is a busy guy, so he won�t have time
for questions.�

�That�s okay. We�ll have lots to
talk about.�

Snape rolled his eyes and headed
for the door. �Come along, muggle.�

�Marvin.�

�Whatever.�

Harry watched as the pair headed
for the door and wondered if it was Marvin who he should actually be worried
about. Then he caught something that his muggle friend was saying.

��all about potions and I can tell
you about fan fiction since you�re interested.�

Harry groaned. This was bad. Very,
very bad.
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Marvin the Mad Muggle