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Burdens of the Heart	By : innocentimp Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 4562 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author: InnocentImp

Title: Burdens of
the Heart

Chapter: 3/?

Pairing: HP/SS (eventually)

Rating: NC-17
(eventually)

Warnings: Oh dear, for now none. But we�ll get there.

Summary: This is the
story of how far two people will fall to finally find each other.

Disclaimer: I don�t
own anything or anyone that you recognize.
If you see something you want to borrow, just ask.

Beta: The
ever-fabulous Sereneseer. I couldn�t
do this without her.

A Month Or Two Later�

Severus paced his study back and
forth, impatiently waiting for his window of opportunity to arrive. He stopped mid-pivot, threw a glance over
his shoulder at the grandfather clock at the far wall, and sighed. Five more minutes.

Really, one would think that
upon leaving the education field my schedule would become less
structured. Rather, I find myself
pacing in front of my own fire awaiting a narrow floo window for an audience I
would rather not have.

Frustrated with his own flustered
state, Severus took one final pivot and pace before finally settling into an
armchair to await the automated floo connection. The truth of the matter was, as much as Severus had generally
disliked teaching, the structured and predictable school schedule was
far preferable to his schedule as of late.
Severus was exhausted. Between
trying to reaffirm his allegiance to the Order, and being at the Dark Lord�s constant
beck and call, he was tired. It was
hard not to miss teaching at Hogwarts once he had realized the protection that
Hogwarts had afforded him. It was twice
as difficult now to meet with the Order, or anyone else for that matter, when
the Dark Lord knew he no longer had any outside commitments that required his
seemingly undivided attention. And damn
it if he didn�t miss Albus.

Still, the information he had been
receiving as of late had been better than he could have hoped for. The Dark Lord grew more confident by the
day. Confident and boastful. He seemed to be of the impression that since
Dumbledore had passed, his ruling of the Wizarding World was merely a matter of
time. Most of his thoughts centered on
how to draw Potter out into the open for an easy kill, a line of thought
Severus didn�t really understand, given the fact that Potter had bested him
more times than Albus. But then again,
megalomaniacs weren�t known for their sound reasoning skills. In any case, it was just as well. For as long as the Dark Lord was focused on
his certain and imminent victory, Severus could help to pull the rug out from
under his feet. Which is how he found
himself sitting impatiently for his floo to flare, signaling safe passage to
Order headquarters.

Just as Severus was ready to resume
his pacing, the grate flared to life and he strode to the mantel to speak the
password that would allow Minerva to establish a secure route to Grimmauld
Place.

�Tuna breath.� Severus couldn�t help the internal
snicker. The flames burned green,
indicating Minerva had heard the password and opened her end of the grate to
travel. Severus took a deep breath to
avoid inhaling soot and stepped into the flames, spinning away to the Order
meeting that awaited him.

�Really Severus, tuna breath? You don�t have enough to do without finding
inventive ways to insult me?� Minerva
had the look of a strict disciplinarian, though it was slightly belied by the
quirk of her lips.

His best sneer in place, Severus
replied, �Oh yes, because I have nothing better to do in what little spare time
I have.�

The truth was, they both enjoyed
the little bit of normalcy that hadn�t been present in their relationship since
Severus had left Hogwarts. It was a
small step towards mending the breach in their relationship. Both recognized it
for what it was.

The moment gone, Minerva bristled,
�You�ve missed the general meeting.
Only a few have remained behind for your update. The fewer who know of your allegiances, the
fewer potential liabilities we need worry about.�

�And Potter?� Severus always asked about him, though
didn�t really know why. Perhaps it had
been learning they had shared Albus� death with him, or perhaps it was just the
fact that everything ultimately hinged on him.

Definitely the latter.

�You know Albus left him a pensieve
explaining things. He won�t be present
for these meetings until he has mastered his Occlumency.�

�Yes Minerva, I know.� The impatience in Severus� voice was further
complimented by his sneering tone.
�What I meant was, where is he?
I would prefer to avoid any unnecessary confrontations this evening.�

�He is upstairs catching up with
Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley. They
stopped by for the weekend. We felt he
could use the break. Now, if you are
quite finished, I am sure the remaining members would like to conclude their
evening.�

�Very well.�

***

Hermione
and Ron looked good, and in some ways young, Harry reflected. Maybe that was because he spent all of his
time these days with seasoned aurors, the youngest person he saw on a
semi-regular basis was Tonks. Both
seemed to be handling the school year just fine without him. Better than fine really, judging by how
close to the other two were sitting on the opposite bed. Harry was happy for them, really. But it was time for a change of topic.

�How�s the DA?� Harry reached for another pumpkin pasty on
the tray between them. Dobby had
somehow found out he missed Hogwarts meals and had sent a package with Hermione
for him.

Ron, following his lead, stuffed a
pasty in his mouth, leaving a slightly green Hermione to comment.

�It could be better. There were a lot of people that didn�t
return, though most of the DA did. It�s
been tough trying to recruit new members; most people seem to just want to keep
their heads down.�

Ron was sitting next to her, his
head bobbing up and down in agreement, crumbs spilling out the corners of his
mouth.

�Truth is Harry, it�s been very
quiet. Houses are keeping to
themselves; it�s an air of seclusion rather than
rivalry, especially with you and Malfoy gone.�

�Yeah mate, Quidditch isn�t the
same without you. Or Malfoy for that
matter. Teams just aren�t as interested
in bludgeoning each other in the name of the founders. It�s lost its fun, really.�

Great, I am being lumped into a
category with that bastard.

�Really, Ron.� There was a healthy amount of derision in
Hermione�s tone, though Harry noted the fingers she laced through Ron�s hand
softened it.

�The remaining members of the DA
are doing well enough, and we have managed to set up tutoring sessions so the
younger years pick up the information as quickly as possible. Still though Harry, you�re missing a lot of
new information. I don�t know how
you�ll ever catch up.�

�I�m sure the Auror Corp. is
managing to convey the most important stuff to him, aren�t they, Harry?�

�Yes. I have been learning a lot.�

�Learning from some of the top
Aurors like Moody must be fascinating, Harry.
Are you picking up where you left off in school, or are working on
completely new material?� Hermione
looked truly interested, though Harry didn�t want to talk too much about
it.

�I�ve done some of both,
actually. I�ve made a lot of progress
with casting spells silently.� Truth
was, he�d had to.
Moody had insisted he master that before they moved on to any new
topics. Unfortunately, Harry hadn�t
been any more successful under Moody�s, Shacklebolt�s, or Tonks� tutelage than he had been under
Snape�s. And Moody had been even less
patient.

Finally fed up with Harry�s
inability, Moody had decided that perhaps necessity would spur proficiency
where all else had failed. He had given
strict orders that for all lessons Harry was to duel, and do so under a spell
that effectively rendered him mute.
When Tonks and Shacklebolt had expressed their concerns, Moody had taken
over his training entirely. It had been
one of the worst months of Harry�s life, and one of the most painful. He had
been constantly exhausted and frustrated.
He grew to dread his lessons with Moody. And when he finally found success he was only pushed harder, more
relentlessly. Madame Pomfrey had been
called from Hogwarts more than once.
But Moody had been right. When
faced with the pain of not being able to defend himself in a proper duel, he
eventually found success, and could now silently cast and counter nearly
everything he came up against.

�It sounds like you are learning a
lot, Harry. You must be so pleased.�

�Yeah Harry, at least you get
Mad-Eye as your private instructor. The
Dark Arts professor is worthless, and has a temper worse than Snape�s. He doesn�t really explain things, and if
people screw up too badly, he assigns loads of homework to be completed in
detention. It�s awful.� Ron screwed up his face, clearly remembering
a few detentions of his own.

Harry wanted to scoff; Ron didn�t
know how good he had it with his detentions.
Detentions didn�t require a dose of Skele-Grow or a post-Cruciatus
muscle relaxant afterwards. It was
conversations like this that made Harry uncomfortable around his best friends,
and being uncomfortable around them made him feel guilty, which in turn brought
back that horrible burning plummeting feeling to his stomach he was getting so
used to. These were his best friends and,
after less than six months apart he felt--well he just felt lost. It was extremely unsettling.

He didn�t really recognize or
relate to these people, not in the ways that mattered. Oh, Ron was still taller than Harry could
ever hope to be, and Hermione--well Hermione was still the whirlwind of bushy
brown hair that Harry remembered. No, the differences went far deeper than that, so deep in
fact, that Harry wasn�t sure they didn�t root inside of himself.

Still, it was good to see them, to
enjoy their easy going friendship, even if he found himself completely
pre-occupied while in their company.
Though really, he was constantly pre-occupied these days.

Reaching for another pumpkin pasty,
he decided to just enjoy having them around for the evening. There would be enough time to worry again
tomorrow. He pushed that uncomfortable
feeling in his stomach away with a smile.

***

The meeting
was excruciatingly long and monumentally repetitive.

Something must be done about
Voldemort� the new minister isn�t responding properly�Potter�s progress isn�t
coming fast enough�oh and my personal favorite, �Should that man really
be here, should we trust him?� Honestly
if Moody asked me just once more�

Snape sighed, removing his teacup
to the sink. It wasn�t as if the Order
had much choice in trusting him. Spies
weren�t easy to procure within the Dark Lord�s inner circle; perhaps it was the
mortality rate of those that were even suspected as disloyal. He deserved hazard pay, or any pay at all
for that matter.

Potter was another topic all
together. The Order seemed hell-bent on
destroying the one person who could actually win the war. They were so caught up in determining the
best course of action in killing Voldemort; they were forgetting that their weapon
was an impetuous teenage boy.

I did NOT spend the last few
decades of my life ensuring that brat would get his chance, only to have those
idiots kill him before he finishes what he started seventeen years ago.

�Severus, you�re still here?� Remus seemed surprised that he hadn�t taken
the floo out directly after the meeting.

�So it would seem.� Severus cringed; the equal parts exhaustion
and sneer in his voice would probably do little to dissuade Lupin from
conversing.

�You were rather quiet at the
meeting this evening, in fact you seemed a little upset. Any particular reason why?� Lupin sat down at the table, conjuring a
teapot and two cups, his invitation clear.
Severus sighed, one more cup of tea couldn�t hurt, and maybe Lupin would
listen to some of his concerns.

�I would like to actually live to
see the end of this war, Lupin.�

�If you have concerns about the
Order, you should bring them up during the meeting, or at least address them to
Minerva.�

So Moody can call it
sabotage? No, thank you.

�All of the Order�s extravagant
planning and plotting will be moot if you lot persist in destroying the only
one capable of destroying the Dark Lord.�

Remus glanced up over his tea in
question, �You mean Harry?�

�Of course I mean Potter!� Do you know of another prophesized to
destroy the Dark Lord?� Thankfully,
Severus could clearly hear the sneer that time.

�Harry seems fine. His training is progressing steadily, and he
isn�t taking on the search for the remaining artifacts solely on his shoulders
anymore.�

�Trading one heavy burden for
another isn�t any better, Lupin. He
needs to have enough energy to finish what he starts.�

�Honestly Severus, it was your idea
that he join the Auror Corps in the first place. What would you have him do
instead?� Remus was exasperated. Harry was in a no win situation. One way or another, he had to be prepared to
end this war. There was no easy way to
ensure his success.

�Confining him to this manor does
little to remind him what he is fighting for.
This is the first time he has seen his friends in months, is it not?�

�That isn�t something easily
remedied, Severus. What would you have us do?
It is too dangerous for him to leave here too often.�

�I know that. I am only pointing out that trading one
burden for another serves no purpose but to wear him
down. I had thought that auror training
would provide him with peers and a structured environment in which to learn
what he needs. A structured and supportive
environment, Lupin. I don�t think that
Moody�s methods of training are the best for Potter.�

�That�s rich coming from you! Didn�t you employ a similar technique in
teaching him Occlumency?�

Severus bristled at the
accusation. �You can hardly compare the
two. Potter would not apply himself to
learning the art.� Severus was
splitting hairs and he knew it.

�Be that as it may, clearly that is
not the case here. Whatever you may
think of them, Moody�s methods worked.
Harry can now cast most spells wordlessly without having to think about
it. He is progressing nicely
Severus. I fail to see where these concerns
are coming from; unless of course they are just the manifestation of long
standing animosity towards Moody.�
Remus balked at the nerve of the man.
Severus wouldn�t even discuss Potter at Order meetings, and had no more
desire to interact with him then Harry wished to see Severus. Yet Severus kept making all of these
ridiculous comments in private and he was the one who had advocated the Auror
Corp in the first place. What did he
expect Remus to do? As far as he could
tell, Severus wasn�t being very forthcoming in
solutions.

�Fine, Lupin. Stick your head in the sand, as usual. But I am telling you now, you had better
watch Potter closely for signs of stress.
If he cracks under the pressure, this war is lost.� Severus left the table then, and stalked
through to the living room. He should
have left directly after the meeting.
This was an incident he would take care not to repeat in the future.
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Burdens of the Heart

A Month Or Two Later�