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Porcelain Doll	By : emymsm Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 13205 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author's Note: I thank you, as my reader, for having infinite patience with me. I am a very undisciplined updater. But in my defence, I can only bring forward that the excuse for my tardiness lies in the unfortunate event that made me lose my finished chapter three. I had it written already in my hard drive, waiting to be proof-read. And then suddenly, Disaster strikes and my computer crashes, leaving me in absolute horrified shock. I�ve since crawled out from under my comfort blanket and gotten over the trauma.
I guess some black clouds have silver linings because I took some time to rethink the storyline for Porcelain Doll and have decided to steer it onto a slightly newer path. A path that is hopefully less trodden by the other talented fanfiction authors out there.
Disclaimer: I do not assume any legal liability of the characters or settings here. All creative property belongs to JKR, excluding the plot to this fic. I seek no monetary gains and all recognisable claim of JKR is intended for entertainment use only and will be returned safe and sound.

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Porcelain Doll

I. Deceptum

(To Deceive)

�It was my fault, Harry. I have killed them. I am the cause of their deaths.�
Silence descended like a heavy cloak, swathing and stifling all sound. Severus could not hold the steady emerald gaze of the younger man and he dropped his head almost shamefully, the strands of dark hair falling forward to hide his face.
His chest collapsed onto itself and he withdrew into his seat, dragging his heavy arms to lie limply in his lap. He took a shaky breath, which he let out shakily.
�Release me, Harry,� he whispered softly. So softly that Harry had to strain to hear him. Severus�s tone had no longer the seductive silkiness. It was coarse, and dry; the tone desperate.
�Release me from my hell. Release me from this burden, from this guilt. My hands are stained with the blood of the innocent and the pure, and no amount of washing can cleanse them. I can feel the dried blood, like caked copper, like red rust, clinging to the underside of my nails. I can feel their eyes; they condemn me for my foolish actions.
�Open the door to my cell. Let me out of this place of torment. Forgive me, please.� The last few words came out in an anguished plea and Severus forced himself to look up, to meet Harry eye to eye.
�I cannot do that, sir,� Harry whispered softly, almost gently. Severus stiffened, but Harry continued quickly. �I cannot remove your guilt. I cannot forgive you, because there isn�t anything for me to forgive in the first place.�
The quietly spoken statement startled the other wizard. �What do you mean? Have you not heard a word of my confessions? I am to blame! I gave the Dark Lord information that lead to the cold-blooded murder of your parents and I-�
�-And you have paid for it,� interrupted Harry impatiently. �You regret your actions; you dug your grave and buried yourself in guilt. And you have stubbornly remained in this crypt of culpability, even though others have extended their understanding and forgiveness!�
�Stop giving me excuses for myself!� Severus snarled. To his shame, Severus felt the sting of frustrated tears prickling his eyelids. He jumped from his seat and turned away from Harry.
A tense moment passed and the Potions Master heard a tired sigh.
�Your role as messenger was not the only factor that made things as they are. I admit that you were the catalyst, but things could have turned out very differently, even with you delivering the prophecy.�
Severus turned on his heel to stare at the young man seated in the large wingchair. He hesitated for a moment when Harry gestured for him to retake his seat, but then sank slowly into the seat. He watched Harry warily.
�Things could have turned out very differently,� Harry repeated. He allowed a ghost of a smile to flitter across his pale face. �For example, Neville Longbottom could be here right now in my stead, having a heart to heart with you.�
�Merlin forbid!� Severus said aloud, before he could help himself.
Harry chuckled lowly before all mirth fell away and his expression became serious once more. �It�s true, you know. The prophecy � as are all prophecies, I suspect � is annoyingly cryptic and can be interpreted in more than one way.
�The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ...
�The two of us � Neville and me, I mean � we were both born at the end of July. We both fit the bill. But then the prophecy continues with;
�And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal.
�Do you see? Voldemort could have chosen Neville over me. It was his choice. He chose me, he marked me as his equal. You may claim to be the one to cause the death of my parents, sir. You may insist on carrying that burden, but the truth remains is that that title of murderer is reserved only for the one who raised his wand against my parents. I blame the wizard who used the Unforgivable. I blame him, and only him. I blame Voldemort. I blame him for every death, for all the pain every single witch or wizard suffered in his hands.�
Severus studied the young man sitting opposite him intently with his inky black eyes. There was such determination in the very posture of the wizard, of the grim line of his lips, of the square shoulders, and the hard light in his eyes that cried for some form of vengeance and justice.
In was at that moment that Severus looked past all previous prejudice and discovered the attributes that placed Harry Potter into Gryffindor. Harry was the very epitome of courage and bravery. Boldness wrapped in a fair sense of justice and fairness. A golden lion that stood for all that was good, pure, and right.
Godric Gryffindor reincarnated, almost.
Did Harry realise just how impossible the task in front of him seemed? How can he, with a handful of wizards and witches who are entirely willing to sacrifice everything, who truly seem to understand the full implications that will befall the world should Fortune decide to turn the other way; bring the magical world firmly back into the Light? How can he stand against the vast and intricate network of spies and the countless supporters of the Dark Lord who sleep with their eyes open, who truly believe that purebloods are superior?
It is so hard to believe, so hard to put pure faith into such a charge. Severus could scarcely dare to put all his trust into this one belief that Harry would end it all.
When he compared himself to the younger wizard, when he compared and weighed his years of experiences against the other man, a part of Severus � the part that so adamantly called itself the logical part � declared that such a task was doomed to failure; that when the Final Battle did come about, the only outcome of such a thing was that the world would be imminent defeat of the Light and then the subsequent systematic collapse of order.
And yet the Prophecy proclaimed otherwise. Was it really Harry�s destiny? Is it his fate?
So many wizards and witches placed great weight and faith in the young man.
But that was it, wasn�t it?
Faith.
He looked and Harry and for the first time, really saw. And it was at that moment that Severus Snape felt all his doubts washed away when he saw the steely glint of determination in the sparkling emerald eyes.
�I�� Severus faltered, unsure as to how to voice his thoughts. �I�I must thank you.�
Harry looked surprised. �For what?�
�For telling me this. For opening my eyes and forcing me to reconsider my opinion of you� And also for helping me see the chains of the manacles that were of my own forging� and also� and also for hope.�
The young wizard shook his head but he was grinning. �No, sir; do not thank me. I merely showed you your own restraints. You were the one who set yourself free.�
Severus bowed his head, not in shame at the gentle rebuke, but in humble acknowledgement.
A thought - a memory - rose from the back of the Potion Master�s mind. It must have translated to his body language because Harry lifted a brow in silent query.
�Harry�� he said quietly, suddenly very aware of how his weariness showed in the hoarseness of his voice. �Harry, do you really mean it when you said that you only blame Vold-� he stopped himself, still unable to bring himself to speak the dreaded name aloud, �the Dark Lord?�
The hesitancy of the query made Harry suspicious and he narrowed his eyes, studying him shrewdly. �Why do you ask me again?�
�I ask because I must know.�
�Sir, please-�
�-It�s Draco.� Severus said, cutting in. He registered the dark expression on Harry�s face and hastened to finish. �He has recently discovered where his true loyalties lie-�
�-with Voldemort, yes, that is apparent enough.� Harry spat angrily.
Severus�s heart sank at the cold finality of the younger man�s tone.
�He has changed, Harry.�
�He is a Malfoy and a Slytherin. Ill faith�d snakes do not change the color of their skin.�
�Harry, please. I am aware of the animosity between the two of you, but I ask that you forget the past-�
�I can�t just pretend that all those years didn�t happen, Snape!� Harry shouted, springing from his seat. His fists were clenched into tight balls and his whole frame shook with anger. �I can�t do it,� he hissed through his teeth, his tone laced with hatred. �I can�t just �forget the past��and I don�t think I can ever forgive Malfoy for what he did.�
There was a very tense pause. Severus held the blazing gaze and stood carefully. He closed the small distance between the two of them and placed his hands in a placating manner on Harry�s shoulders.
�You forgave me my wrongs. Can you not find it within you to forgive the young Malfoy?�
The muscles in Harry�s shoulders slumped and tensed and then relaxed again, and he dropped his head. He took a few gulping breaths and Severus felt the young man tremble, overwrought with an overflow of emotions.
�I� I don�t know, Severus. I really don�t,� Harry murmured softly, not looking up. �What he did is close to unforgiveable, if not unforgiveable itself. He made his choice; he made his choice to be the slave, only to find too late that he cannot obey the master. He did things that in itself is a crime against the very foundations of humanity, and he has rendered to pieces the thin thread of trust I had for him.
And now after all the damage has been done, after the ashes and dust have just begin to settle, after the aftermath, he wants to step over to this side again?
Will he, at the first sign of trouble on this field, scramble back over the fence?
Can you tell me, sir? Can you tell me if he would betray us again? Can you tell me that I should trust him?�
Harry lifted his eyes, gazing with eyes that were filled with hurt, anger and confusion. Severus gripped the thin shoulders tightly before letting go.
�I cannot tell you anything. I am no oracle or prophet, Harry, that I should be able to tell that the future will unfold in such ways. Neither am I in any position to tell you that you must or should forgive anyone.
�But I will ask you to consider pardoning the man, as he seems sincere in the want to return to the Light.�
Severus paused, before shaking his head, a thoughtful look crossing his expression. �I don�t know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but you act as a foil to Draco, and he to you. You are each other�s mirror; so alike in some ways, yet completely different. You can consider him your dark mirror, if you like; your dark reflection.
�You may very well lament the fact that the fulfillment Prophecy and the whole business of the Dark Lord is your destiny; that your path has already been carved out for you. And all you need to do is walk it�of course, with the weight of High Expectations on your shoulders, no doubt.
�Draco�s situation is similar; from the moment he drew in his first breath, his whole life was planned for him. His whole life and beyond. He was a clean slate which Lucius took a chalk to, to write the equations of the future. The Draco you knew was shaped and styled by his father. The Draco you have yet to meet is a young man who has just broken free of his mold�
�I will not force your clemency, Harry.�
�No,� Harry agreed, �but you have laid out in the light for me certain things that I would not have seen before. I� Merlin, there is so many things to consider now.� Harry shook his head slowly, as if in a daze. �Should he be blamed for his breeding and his father�s teachings? Or should he be forgiven his vice and his wrongdoings because he is not entirely to blame?�
Harry paused to look up at the older wizard. �I am not sure if I have the capacity in me to forgive Malfoy, if only for the unselfish reason that what he did was monstrous and affected a great many of my friends personally.
�So forgive me if I find that I cannot grant him forgiveness.�
Severus�s face was an expressionless mask, but there was a tinge of sadness lingering about his dark eyes. He nodded once - a quick jerk of the head � to acknowledge Harry�s words. He looked away awkwardly, turning his head in the pretence of having just remembered a detail. Severus motioned to the line of bottled potions on the table.
�Those potions on the table are for Miss Granger. I�ve printed labels for each potion. I have also left a scroll of parchment detailed with the proper dosages of which potion for her. Be sure to give them to her accordingly, at the proper times.�
�Why can�t you administer them to her yourself?� asked a suddenly nervous Harry as he took in the array of potions. �I don�t want to accidentally give her the wrong thing!�
Severus arched an eyebrow and he drew on his classroom persona, straightening has back and folding his arms tightly across his chest. �At last, you acknowledge that you posses less intelligence than a scrambled Grindylow.� He smirked and there was an amused glint in his eyes.
The heavy mood from the previous topic of discussion has been lifted.
He let his arms drop to his sides and he cocked his head. �Come, Harry, surely you can follow a set of simple instructions? It is not sufficient proof that I trust that you are competent enough to do this task?�
�Thank you, I think,� muttered Harry dryly. �Why must you Slytherins wrap your compliments in almost-insults?�
�To throw Gryffindors off balance.�
�I perceive another Slytherin tactic; distraction. I refuse to be derailed, so I ask again, why can�t you administer them to her yourself?�
Severus smiled genuinely. �You are observant enough � I�ll make a Slytherin out of you yet!�
Harry titled his head and said rather nonchalantly, �Well, considering that the Sorting Hat had seriously considered putting me in your house, sir, I think I have enough Slytherin qualities.� He smirked devilishly at the look of utter disbelief in the Slytherin�s Head of House�s face. �I kid you not,� Harry assured, not unkindly.
The ability to speak fled the Potions Master and all he could do was to gape at the younger wizard.
�But let us return to the matter at hand, sir. Please answer the question,� Harry said quickly, when it was apparent that the shock was wearing off.
Severus narrowed his eyes intently at his ex-student, studying him. His close scrutiny traveled to the scar on his forehead and lingered there for a moment. �I suppose, bearing in mind the role you played in defeating the Dark Lord when you were but a child, that you being in the house infamous for producing dark witches and wizards was not for the best� I feel like I should laugh at the irony� But if you were fit for Salazar�s house, may I ask; why then were you sorted to the lion�s house?�
�Choice. While the Sorting Hat examines our strengths and our weaknesses, and decides which house we should belong to, the final decision actually lies with us. We can accept its guidance, or we choose our own paths'
He cleared his throat. �Sir? The potions?� Harry prompted again.
�Ahhh, you are not to be sidetracked, I see. Very well. I cannot give Granger the potions myself but for the simple reason is that I will not be here to do it. As soon as the light of sun touches the fringe of night, I must return to the side of the Dark Lord. Come morn, I will don my Death Eater�s mask and cloak and draw on my role of the loyal servant.� Severus laced his last sentence with bitterness.
�You cannot be serious!� Harry exclaimed. �Surely he�d know that you were the one who betrayed him? That you returned Hermione to us!�
�He does not know, nor will know for another forty-eight hours yet, that Granger is no longer in her holding room,� Severus said slowly.
�What do you mean he won�t know? He will hear that she is missing.�
Severus shook his head. �He will not, because Miss Granger is still in her cell.�
�What are you saying? What the hell do you mean by that? She�s here! You don�t mean that you�re going to bring her back to him? I won�t allow it! I�ll-�
�Calm yourself, boy.� Severus held of a hand to placate the irate Harry. �You mistake my meaning. He won�t know because the fools he has set to guard the room will not sense anything amiss, since they can see Granger � no, who they perceive to be Granger - moving about inside.� Seeing that Harry�s face twisted with confusion, Severus continued to clarify the situation, �It�s Draco. I have prepared for him a vial containing Polyjuice potion and a strand of Granger�s hair� he has agreed to temporarily take the form of Miss Granger.�

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To be continued�
Note: This is a pretty short chapter, compared to the previous ones. But I thought I�d end here because it seemed like a good place to stop.
Feedback much appreciated!
Response to Reviewers:

Anon: Thank you! As for the dream sequence, it may or may not be a dream. Severus has been through a lot, and the poor man is a bit on the edge and exhausted. I'm just a humble author who transcribes what is happening. :)
cat: I hope I don't get distracted too! So far, I've been keeping away from starting another fic pretty well. Haha... Severus is my favourite character because he seems to complex and has so many layers on... (and I'm not just talking about his billion buttons and his robes!)
paganpegasus: Aww! Thanks to the review and the congratulations! AFF.net (as its tagline go) is AdultFanfiction Haven... so I guess this is where all the smutty people go. I'm not really bothered by the reputation this place has. All that matters is that people who love writing get to express themselves and let people who enjoy reading smut...well, enjoy it too! LOL.
Ertia: Thank you for the lovely review! Well, Severus says that he could come up with a potion to cure your addiction, but he says that this particular addiction might be healthy... and who are we to argue with the grand Potions Master? ;)
amanda: Hehe... you know, a lot of people have been asking about if Hermione is going to be blind... should I answer that? :) And yes, the dream bits did happen. But you know... they are dreams, and dreams can be pretty hard to explicate, as they often are. Some parts happened, and some parts didn't... or maybe it really did happen... I'm confusing myself! (The truth is, I'm not really sure if those bits actually happened myself!)
sneaky princess: Thank you for the kind review! I hope you like this chapter
!
Satia: You review made my day! Thank you so much! Don't worry about your English; it's fine. I mean, I think everyone searches for words too! Like me, my mind can go blank and I'd be stammering, trying to find the rght word.. hehe...
Rae: Thank you for the review!
Kiwi: Haha... thanks for the kind words. *blushes* I'm not really that talented; it's just that I spend hours agonising and how to phrase my sentences! :P
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Porcelain Doll