Finding My Own Music

Chapter Three

Ever since that strange day, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of him. I don’t know why, but whenever he walks into the room, I just have to stare at him—have to watch what he’s doing—have to smile when he smiles at his friends… it’s maddening, I tell you! Why can’t I just go back to scowling at him whenever I see him? Why won’t this fluttery-fuzzy feeling get out of my chest? Why do I want to do something that will draw his attention to me—only me? Why?! I want him to smile at me like he does to his friends—to those slutty girls that hand all over him. I just want him to look at me, and no one else. That will never happen, however. But… at least he does look at me sometimes. Occasionally, as I stare at him in the common room or the Great Hall or something, he’ll look over at me for a few seconds. I’d then feel myself blush and he would laugh and smirk. I would look away after that, and smile slightly to myself. Attention… I was craving attention from him. Or maybe… I was craving attention from anyone.

Well, one day I got what I wanted… but it was the wrong kind of attention. It was the attention that I was always trying to get away from… the attention from those demon boys who made me want to go off somewhere and kill myself. One day, after all the classes were done for the day, I started to walk to the Slytherin common room, seeing that I didn’t want to go eat anything. As I was walking down to the dungeons, I heard a bunch of footsteps behind me—as if they were being made by a group of people, I tried to ignore them. Maybe it was just a group of girls going to put some make-up on or something. But I didn’t hear any talking or giggling, and usually, girls talked a lot when they were in groups. So this made me just a little bit worried. I began to walk faster and so did the footsteps behind me. ‘Oh no, not again’, I thought, and I sighed as I finally stopped walking. After a few moments, I turned around and they were there. Them. The objects of my hatred. All glaring at… me. Oh gods—what had I done this time?

“What?” I asked coolly, trying to look bored, but I was beginning to sweat like mad. One of the boys snorted and he was quickly silenced when the leader elbowed him in the stomach. Besides the one boy’s groaning, they didn’t say or so anything.

“…what is it? What do you want?” I asked again, this time in a more feverish tone. I was really beginning to freak out, and I didn’t know what I was going to do if they were just going to continue to stand there and stare at me with those glaring eyes. Actually, I didn’t know what I was going to do, period.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU-” The leader held up a hand (like he was trying to silence me) and began to walk towards me. The others stayed behind. Even though I was telling myself to back away, my body was too in shock to do anything. So I just stayed there as the older boy came within a foot of me and stopped. Because of his height, he seemed more menacing than anyone I had ever seen before. Even Cameron (back when I hated him) wasn’t as mean-looking as this boy.

“Stay away from Davis.”

I blinked. “What-wha-”

“You heard me!” The older boy moved closer and grabbed my robes, easily lifting me up off of the ground so that we were face to face. I tried to struggle against him, but he held my clothes tightly and it didn’t look like he was going to drop me any time soon. “I see how you look at him… you faggot. We ALL see it! Even he sees it! ‘Oh look, Bolden’s staring at me again… how cute,’ he says. He doesn’t kick your ass only because he pities you, you know that? You’re so desperate for someone to like you that the first person who shows you even a tiny bit of kindness—you develop a little faggot crush on them!”

“N-no,” I stuttered, shaking my head, “n-no… I don’t-“

“Shut the fuck up when your elders are speaking, brat!” he yelled at me, and since I was so close to him, it really made my ears ring. I was quiet, though. “That’s better. Now, like I said earlier… stay the fuck away from Davis. You have no chance, little man, none at all! Who would want to ever be with a little freak like you? A gender-confused freak! Are you really even a guy? I mean, fuck! You’re as light as a girl, you look like one, and you even sound like one!”

“…n-not a girl…”

The older boy laughed softly under his breath, but it didn’t sound like a happy one. “What… did you say?”

I swallowed nervously and looked off to the side. I felt my body begin to shake, but I couldn’t keep in what I was about to say… I couldn’t. “I’M NOT A GIRL YOU BAST-” that was all I got out, because the next moment, I had been punched in the gut, and I was too busy dropping to the floor and choking and coughing for air to speak. As I was trying to get the air back into my lungs, I felt two pairs of hand come and grab me, holding my arms to my sides tightly. If I hadn’t been coughing so violently, I would have tried to fight against them, but both of the boys were bigger than I was by a lot, so I knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to escape from them.

“That wasn’t wise, little boy…” I looked up with teary eyes to see the leader kneeling in front of me. It was then that I tried to pull my arms out of the boys’ grasp. Of course, nothing happened, and I whimpered loudly. How was I ever going to get out of this? The boys were surely going to kill me this time… wait, was that even that bad of an idea? Not really… but at the moment, I wanted to live. I really, really wanted to—

“You say you’re not a girl… well… let’s see if that’s true…” I gasped as I saw him smirk and heard the other boys snicker. The leader moved closer to where I was and pulled out his wand. I couldn’t hear what he said, but in a second, I was not longer wearing my robes, my shirt, or my pants. All I had on were my boxers. I shivered and continued my whimpering as the cold air moved over my nearly naked body. This… wasn’t good… not at all.

“Don’t…” I muttered quietly, tears leaking out of my eyes and down my cheeks. But the older boy just ignored me and reached out towards my chest with one of his hands.

“Hmm…” he said softly, and I gasped as his index finger brushed over one of my nipples and I also tried to jerk away, but with both of the boys holding me there… there wasn’t much I could do. “Just by looking at your chest, I can’t really tell if you’re a boy or not… I mean… you could just be an underdeveloped, little girl, you know…” His hand moved downwards from my chest to my boxers and he pressed harshly on my crotch, causing me to cry out loudly. “And I don’t really feel anything down there… you could just be acting.” I glared at the older boy with watery eyes, wishing that I could hurt him and humiliate him like he was doing to me… those damn boys laughing in the background… it made me want to bawl my eyes out. I stayed quiet though… speaking up only made everything worse… I had learned that, at least.

He pulled at my boxers lightly before he actually tugged them down, and I closed my eyes tightly, whimpering out of embarrassment. I just wanted to disappear… I could practically feel everyone’s eyes on me… well; at least they would know I’m a guy now.

The leader, without even saying anything, grabbed my dick tightly and yanked on it. Of course, like what was natural, I screamed out loudly and began to sob. “Wha-wha-what the he-hell was that f-f-for?” I asked as I continued to cry, even as his thumb began to move up and down the shaft in an almost ‘soothing’ manner.

“I wanted to see if it was real,” he said simply, shrugging his shoulders, and I wished that I could punch him… the jerk. “Meh… I still don’t believe you’re a boy.”

“What?! H-How can y-you n-not believe-” the older boy roughly backhanded me and I yelped loudly before I bit my tongue… I should have known not to talk… and now I was going to have a mark on my face, if not a black eye.

“I said ‘I still don’t believe you’re a guy’! And that’s just how I’m gonna keep thinking. Got a problem with that, freak?” I shook my head… defeated… there was nothing else I could do.

I closed my eyes after a moment, waiting for the older Slytherin to do more things to my body, but in a second, I found myself sitting on the floor, staring up at all of the boys. “Remember what I said, Bolden,” the leader said in a menacing whisper, “or I’ll rip that tiny thing you call a dick off, got it?” I didn’t say or do anything. He sneered, spit at me (which landed gracefully on my cheek), signaled to his group, and then started to walk away. The other boys snickered at me as they passed by, but I was too busy holding my poor member and also trying to look for my clothes, which were no where to be seen. At least I still had my boxers, which I pulled up after I was sure my dick wasn’t going to fall off or anything.

Even though it was a risk to just continue to sit there, I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to lean up against the wall and just cry… which was what I did. What had I done to deserve all of this? I never did anything mean to those boys before, but they still made my life miserable! I just didn’t get it! What did they have against me? What had I done that was so horrible that made almost everyone have some kind of grudge against me? Why did everyone hate me? Why, why, why, why-

“…Bolden?”

No… gods, please no. I glanced up at the person who had addressed me and paled instantly.

Cameron.