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Beautiful Hurts	By : Morosemordant Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 16264 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Beautiful Hurts

It hurts to be thin, it hurts to pretend, and it hurts to smile with loose teeth. Triggering. Eventually HP/SS

Harry sat slumped against the entrance to the stall for several minutes; sweat poured down his face as he struggled to slow his breathing. Heaves shook his body as he tried to sit still. There wasn’t anything left in his stomach to dispose of but his body was trying it’s best to purge. Harry struggled to his knees and flushed the muck down the drain.
He finally made his way to his feet and turned around; trying not to wonder what had gotten all over his slacks from the bathroom floor. Harry flicked the lock open and staggered to the sink. Cold water sloshed from hands to face to sink basin. He scrubbed at his eyes and after smelling his breath decided a good rinse was in order. His teethe screamed in outrage at the icy water and Harry quickly spit it out.
The gums were red and swollen and his teeth felt gritty against his tongue. Harry heaved again, foam fell down the drain and he rinsed his mouth with slightly warmer water this time. He pulled his wand and cast a general cleansing charm on his trousers and straightened his shirt and robes. Harry pulled a piece of gum from his pocket and chewed it thoughtfully. He looked like hell, he was aware of this. HE wasn’t blind. At this point the thought of eating anything turned his stomach.
He ran a wet hand through his dark hair and then cleaned off his glasses. A thought suddenly occurred to him after he pocketed his wand. He could do magic. There was in fact a library, no a world, full of books and spells he could learn to help.
Harry checked his clothing in the mirror again and left the restroom at a brisk pace, keeping his eyes trained in front of himself, he didn’t want to run into anyone. He made a left at the end of the corridor and a quick right into the stair well. He strode over to the stair case he needed and walked down quickly before the castle could move them. His heels clicked on the landing and he headed down several more corridors to the library. Large oak doors stood open to the quit warmly lit room and Harry entered before walking up to Madam Pince.
“Good afternoon,” He said quietly between the stacks of books on her desk “I was wondering where I might find your collection of cosmetic spells?” She looked at him hard and pointed to her right and crooked her finger to indicate that it was in the back of that section.

“Thank you.” She nodded and pointed to the sign on the desk which asked for silence. Harry nodded meekly.

Harry left the library with a small worried frown on his lips. The only glamours he had found were superficial, easily removed. He did however find a spell to lengthen his hair, and a foundation spell to cover up the bags under his eyes and some of the bruising. He might as well change his hair while he was at it; maybe it would halt some of the comparison to his father.
Apparently witches never wanted to plump their frame; they merely want it to appear smaller. Harry sighed, it was going to be hard to hide some things from Hermione, but he would give it a shot.
Harry walked slowly up to the dormitory; his notebook was full of things he was dying to try out. Maybe it would help his self image, or at the very least provide a little distraction from the rest of his appearance.
Harry stopped in his dorm room and moved to the bathroom with his book and wand and a little bit of hope blooming in his chest. He locked the door behind him, thankful for the free periods after lunch on Fridays. He pulled the wand up to his face and reread the instructions carefully, practicing the movements a couple of times before grimacing and casting the spell. His skin looked porcelain smooth and white. No scrapes or bruising nor any blemishes showed through. He inspected his face from every angle before being satisfied with the results.
The second spell on his list was for his hair, it was unruly and curled at the edges and he just wanted it long enough where he could make it work for him. The book had said it would grow you hair up to a meter and that you could use the simple barber charms to get the desired length. So Harry again practiced the movements and incantations and held his breath as he cast the strange charm on his hair.
It tingled, it burned, and it tugged at his scalp and grew very heavy. It was long and wavy, down to his buttocks, Harry quickly performed a few of the barber charms and had it layered. He kept it long, but the striking thing about the length is how it changed in color, it was no longer purely black, it had a reddish sheen and highlights along the front.
He took a brush through it and pulled it back into a messy braid to keep it out of his way while he looked into the rest of the charms. There was one that looked hopeful. It would make his clothes sit better on his frame, now all he needed were better clothes. Hogsmead was a possibility, he could go that Saturday.
Harry cast one more spell, this one he took the longest on learning, especially because the book had said it took time and the results were not immediate. He opened his eyes wide and felt the burn of magic run first through his lens and cornea, then deeper and deeper until he was forced to close his eyes. The burn remained when he opened them and he could see the subtle sparks of magic as it continued to run through his eyes.
When he was finished, Harry had expected to feel better about his looks and perhaps feel less inclined to starve, but he simply felt hollow. He could appreciate the improvements but he was still ugly in his own eyes. He still felt like a hippo, even though he could see the bones underneath his clothing. The hair was nice, the face was no longer purpled and his body looked less like an oil spill, but he grabbed at his stomach as he bent over the sink to empty the bile from his stomach.
He could feel hands on him; he could feel hot breath on his neck. He couldn’t get it out of his head.

Casting a cleansing charm on his mouth and rinsing the sink Harry sighed and grabbed his books and wand before exiting the bathroom. It had helped, and it hadn’t helped. He liked the hair, it was manageable now, but it made him more feminine and all he could think of was how Lockhart would have reacted to it. He was disappointed he hadn’t killed the bastard when he had the chance.

The boy walked to his bed tiredly, he seemed to be constantly tired anymore, and laid down atop the coverlets. He pulled the curtains closed and fell asleep. It was only three in the afternoon, but maybe if he slept he wouldn’t have to deal with anymore bullshit that day. He didn’t wake until four o’clock the next morning.
The room was eerily silent save the occasional grunt from Seamus or snore from Neville as Harry snuck out of the room. He sat for a long time in the common room before making his way out of the portrait and down to the prefect’s bath room. He just needed a good soak and the showers in his dorm were just not what he wanted. It was late enough that he wasn’t breaking a curfew but early enough that no one else should have been out on a Saturday morning.
Harry spoke the password and was happy to see the mermaid was absent from her painting and the room was still dark. He cast about the spells for the torches lining the wall and walked to the faucets turning on steaming hot water and black ooze which would make the water smell like earth and leather. One of the few manly soaps the bathroom possessed, he didn’t feel like smelling like a pine forest and the myriad of flowery scents merely turned his stomach.
He didn’t need that, his throat was sore and his sinuses were stinging already. The headaches he had been getting were more frequent as well; he would simply have to drink more water.
The pool was filled faster than expected and he discarded his stinking clothes from the day before and called a house elf to bring a fresh change from his dorm. He sank deep into the water sitting on one of the benches at the edge. He unbraided his hair and placed the tie on the edge to his right. He inhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair before wetting it and applying his shampoo.
He rinsed and applied conditioner before he set about scrubbing the rest of his body. He noticed more hair on his legs, in fact was startled by the hair all over his body, like long peach fuzz. He grabbed his wand off of the edge of the pool and cast a shaving charm at various parts of his body sickened by the hair. He never could stand body hair.
Harry scrubbed himself until he was tired again and leaned back against the rim, his long hair floating around him in the water. He sagged with exhaustion and inhaled again, deep and slow, enjoying the steam in his lungs and the uncomfortable heat. He pulled his arm up and realized it was red from the water. He smiled grimly and settled in to enjoy the warmth for a few minutes before he had to get out and start his day.
Drifting in and out of consciousness he smelled the leather and his mind wandered. A silken voice echoed through his mind. He felt himself harden at the thoughts; he was both repulsed and enthralled by the experience. He had never before gotten hard without some effort on his part. The thought of calloused ink stained fingers stirred him, the voice wrapped around his mind no one word was understood but the voice caressed him like velvet. He shivered as he fantasized. Harry held himself loosely at first then the voice beckoned
‘Harder.’
‘You can do better than that.’ It chastised as he pumped his cock brutally now. He wanted to vomit, he wanted to come, and he was more confused than he had ever been in his life. A whisper floated through his mind and he gave up all repulsion and followed.
‘Now.’ It commanded and he came, hard, his entire body bent in two as he moaned out his finish. He didn’t realize whose voice he had fantasized about until the final sentence flitted through his subconscious.
‘Mr. Potter, I suggest you straighten up...’ Harry groaned as he finished, of course his subconscious would be against him as well. He couldn’t bring himself to be upset or sickened by it as he had through all of his other experiences. He merely sighed and drained the bath before walking into the showers to clean up again.
Of course he would have a crush on someone unattainable, he reasoned. He was protecting himself from any actual sexual experiences. At least he could explain this crush away. Snape was always protecting him, saving him. He even stood up against Lockhart, and had hated the man as much as Harry himself hated Gilderoy. It only made sense, didn’t it?
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Beautiful Hurts