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Take It All or Nothing at All	By : selfproclaimedbeauty05 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/Lucius Views: 7225 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own the characters of Harry Potter.

Chapter List
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Hey guys! I am back with another chapter. Now for those of you who are wondering what is going to happen with The Potters, Lupin, and others. They will still be in the story and play a major part. This story is AU/Mpreg. So of course everything will not fall under the same plot line. So people please be patient cause all your questions will be answered. Sorry about errors. So Here it goes and please review.

Chapter Three: Save Me, Please.
*Flashback*

I was completely numb. Not only two nights ago did I find out I was getting married. But I was getting married to the dark lord. My parents were marrying me off to a man that has been known to be very cruel and murderous. I haven�t even left my room since I came home that night. I have been lying in my bed for two whole days. I refuse to eat or drink. My mom and dad have been staying with the Malfoy�s, so they don�t even know that I am on a hunger strike. I rather die.

I hate my situation. I hate my family. But most of all I hate my life. Maybe I should just slit my wrist and end it all. I am pretty sure my family wouldn�t care. Hell, they probably wouldn�t even notice I was gone. That�s it I will just end it. I rather go with my pride and dignity intact, before I let them strip it away. Especially the Dark Lord. He had informed me that he wasn�t going to take me, just yet. He was going to at least wait until I was 17. But I was required to spend every weekend with him, starting next week.

I haven�t talked to or see anyone. The only people I wanted to see was my friends. If James and Remus knew my situation. I couldn�t even bear to tell them the truth. They probably would never talk to me again. They would completely flip. I was going to lose everything. My life, my friends, and most of all my dignity. I felt literally abandon. How was I going to go back to my life at Hogwarts? Knowing that I was soon going to be come�.Voldemort�s whore. The title of spouse was just away to make it sound more pleasing.

I look around my dark room. I haven�t even bother to open the curtains. I am in complete darkness. I got up just to light a candle on my table next to my bed. I decided that if I was going to do this, I would at least use a razor. It took all my energy just to get out of bed. I went to the dresser that was across my room in front of my bed. I opened the drawer and pulled out the box that held the razor. It was a simple old fashion razor. It was pure gold all over. Even the blade was gold. My name was engraved on the handle. It was a Christmas gift from my father. I always thought it was weird he gave me a razor. But I guess now I know why he gave it to me. He knew I would always be a failure. The thought of it just made me even angrier.

I walked back to my bed and lay across it on my back. I was now looking up at the ceiling. I slit my left wrist first. Surprisingly it doesn�t hurt at all. I went to cut my other wrist when someone came into my room. I dropped the blade and it lands on the floor.

"Why can't you just leave me alone and let me be?" I asked the blonde in a whisper.

"Because, I can't leave people as pathetic as you suffer to yourself. " I felt him come towards me. He was now standing at the foot of the bed. The look he gave me was something I was use to seeing. It was a look of pure disappointment. Even when he was disappointed his still looked beautiful. He removed his robes. He was only wearing a gray button up and black dress pants. I observed him. What was he planning to do? I wondered if he was going to let me die or get help? The only thing that I felt for Lucius was hate. I knew the feeling was mutual.

�Do you think this is the answer to your problems, Sirius? Do you honestly think this will solve anything?� He eyes started to shift from disappointment to something else. �I will not let you do this. You will face your problems like a man. Only cowards take the easy way out. Do you understand me?�

I just glared at him. �Why the fuck do you care? You never acknowledge me before, so don�t pretend to care now, Lucius!� I yell at him even though I was starting to feel lightheaded. Especially when, I felt his hands rest on my knees. My heart began to beat fast. I started to sit up but my body was losing energy. I just flopped by down.

"Lucius, what are you doing?" I said to him. But all he did was smile and open my legs. My body went completely still. I would have fought him off, but tonight I couldn't. I know he pitied me. He didn't care for me. All he did was feel sorry for me. But tonight I wanted his pitied for some reason. I was the black sheep of the family that nobody loved. I didn't even existed in their eyes. Would it hurt to let someone have some type of compassionate for me, even if it was just pity and hate.

He was now climbing on top of me. I just inhaled deeply. I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen. We were now chest to chest but still clothed. I felt his cool breathe near my ear. I held my breathe when he spoke.

"Siruis, if only you knew how beautiful you really are. You could be so much more then what you are now. It is a shame that someone as young as you has so much hate and anger. You should learn to accept your faith. Realize that you do have something worth living for.�

�What exactly do I have to live for, Lucius?� I felt my eyelids getting heavier from more blood lost. It was getting harder to breathe.

�Only you can answer that, my Sirius.� In that instant, I felt his lips on mines. It wasn�t a passionate kiss but it wasn�t completely innocent either. I didn�t even kiss him back, all I did was faded into darkness.

When I awoke it was late in the afternoon. Not only was I still alive but I was healed. Also someone was in my bed, but who. I turned over to look at the person who fucked up my attempt to end my life.

�Lucius?� As soon as his name left my lips everything that happen last night came back to me. Lucius on top of me and the kiss he planted on my lips. I lay back on my back. I reached up and touched my lips. I was once again out of breathe. I couldn�t believe that he had kiss me. What did this mean? I thought he had hated me. We never saw eye to eye. It was nothing but hatred between us. I hated everything about him . His attitude, the way he dressed, the way he talked, and the way his piercing eyes seem to read every emotions I felt.

�Lucius what do you want from me?� I asked softly, unaware that he had awoken.

�Do you really need me to tell you, Sirius?� Once again he was reading me like a book, trying to unveil the truth with his eyes. His hands caress my face gently. He is once again on top of me. Our lips only a few inches apart.

I sigh heavily. �I truly hate you , Lucius.� Once again his lips are on mines, excepted this time I kiss him back.

*End of Flashback*

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�Fuck!� I yell as I run to the bathroom. I can feel the breakfast from this morning raise. I am leaning over the toilet and emptying the contents of my stomach. This is the second time this morning that I have thrown up. Once I am done, I flush the toilet. I rinse my mouth out. I look into the mirror. I look like death warmed over. My hair was a mess, since it had vomit in it. It was hard to hold your own hair when it came down past your shoulders and not get vomit in it. My eyes were red and irritated. My lips looked swollen. Luckily, I didn�t have any facial hair. But then again, I did just turn 22. But besides me looking like shit, the only I could think of is my the sudden memories. I don�t know why I thought of that particular memory, especially now.

�Are you okay, Love?� I was instantly pulled for my thoughts.

�I honestly don�t know, Tom.� I look at him through the mirror. I gave him a weak smile. The nausea started to come back full force. I ran back towards the toilet. I felt Tom pull back my hair. I began to dry heave. My stomach no longer had anything left to throw up. Tom caressed my back soothingly until I was done. Once I was done, he helped my get back to bed.

�I am going to have someone come and examine you.� He said while pulling the covers over me.

�You don�t have to do that. I am fine. I will be okay. It is probably just an upset stomach.�

�It is more than that. I can tell. I will have Snape come and check on you. You know he could run some test on you, to make sure you are okay.� He starts rubbing my stomach. It felt really good. I moan at the gestured. But I then realized he said he wanted Severus Snape to take a look at me.

�NO!! I will not let Severus Snape examine me.� I sit up and remove Tom�s hand from my stomach. He then frowns at me.

�It was not an option. I was telling you, that he was going to be examining you.� He gets up from the bed.

�But�� I didn�t even get to finish my statement when he left the room. I fall back down on the bed. Great this day is beginning to go bad for me already. Not only was I having inappropriate memories of Lucius, I was also sick. Which met that Snape was going to come over and Tom had given him permission to touch my body. And that thought alone made me run to the bathroom once again.
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Well guys, I know it is a little slow. It will take off in the next chapter. So, plz review and I am also looking for a beta. So if you guys could refer me to someone that would be awesome. LIES, LOVE, and OBESSIONS will be updated tomorrow night. XOXO
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Take It All or Nothing at All