Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Sirius Dreams	By : HalfUnderwater Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 5376 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
That moon�s transformation was particularly lonely and agonizing for Remus. For the first time in the better part of two years, he was painfully alone during the tormenting change. He had firmly barricaded the door to the shack, leaving the rest of the Marauders helpless in the tunnel connecting the old house to the castle.

It was the most terrifying night in Shrieking Shack history�one the Hogsmeade children would have nightmares about well into their teens. Remus let the animalistic rage carry him, let it flow through his veins freely until he was truly a beast, his flesh burning hot, his thick brown fur matted with sweat, his saliva flowing freely from between his deadly jaws. He was no longer Remus Lupin, that was undeniable. And beyond all else, this lethal wolf that he had turned into was angry.

His sharp, thick anger was first directed at the house. Had it not been reinforced by Dumbledore himself with many strengthening charms, it would not have held him for long. Luckily for the inhabitants of Hogsmeade, the indestructible walls of the aging manor stood firm long after the infuriated werewolf had pounded himself bloody against them.

Not a piece of furniture had stood a chance. The beast�s hulking muscles snapped and smashed everything in sight. And then, when there was nothing left but shattered furniture and hole-filled interior walls, the monster�s rage turned inward. His vicious claws left deep wounds in his chest, exposing and scratching his ribs. Not an inch of him was unmarred by the time he staggered into the corner, among the splinters and cobwebs, and passed out.

Remus didn�t recall changing back. He couldn�t remember the agonized howls of the big black dog that finally dug its way into the house to rescue him. Sirius and James had kept level heads, sending Peter running to Madame Pomfrey as they diligently worked on closing the wounds the best they could. Though they were not as skilled as the nurse or Dumbledore, their knowledge of medical magic far exceeded anyone else in their year and they managed to keep Remus alive long enough for both of the adults to arrive.

It was only when Remus was safely bandaged in the infirmary, in the small private room at the very back of the wing, and Madame Pomfrey assured everyone that Remus would make a full recovery, that Sirius and James allowed themselves to rest and to cry. Peter, nauseous around blood and a coward around death, had scurried off long ago.

Perhaps Sirius had forgotten what Remus had been like until fifth year, or perhaps it was worse because he knew it was all his fault, but he knew at that moment he would never forgive himself. And worse, he realized now how deeply Remus had been hurt by what he had seen. He only half-registered the hushed, fervent talk between Madame Pomfrey and the headmaster. Instead, he slumped in the chair beside Remus� bed and watched the slow rise and fall of his bandaged chest.

He had never meant for Remus to see his last-minute experimentation with Mary. After all this time feeling no emotional attachment to any of his partners, he had needed to prove something to himself. He desperately needed to come to one of two firm conclusions: either that he enjoyed shagging with no strings attached just as much as before and nothing was wrong with him or�and this was the much scarier alternative�that Remus had eclipsed everything he had ever known, and his days as Hogwarts� most eligible bachelor were over. It was bitterly ironic then that just as he had come to the conclusion that the latter was true, Remus had walked in and seen the whole god damn thing.

Yes, he should have had that epiphany sooner�that Remus was his new everything. He was guilty in that respect for sure. Finding Remus unconscious and more badly clawed than ever before had made him want to tear himself apart too, for not only was it the boy he loved that he had found crumpled in the corner of the shack; it was also his best friend. It was the boy that had seen him through all the awkward phases of adolescence, that had befriended him through even the darkest and hardest times of his life. They had smiled together, shared jokes and chocolate, leaned on each other, played pranks together. Every second he spent thinking about the tawny-haired boy, the more he realized how empty his life would be without him.

It was a while before he realized those tired-looking golden eyes had fluttered open. Remus lay staring straight up, unmoving except for his breathing, his eyes cold and glazed over. This was common when he came back from a change and as agonizing as it was, Sirius knew he had nothing to do but wait. His best friend wasn�t back yet.

Helpless, he kneeled at the bedside, resting his elbows on the mattress and rubbing his thumb over a new, thick scar on Remus� upper arm. He leaned down, resting his head on Remus� pillow, his breath tickling the creamy, exposed skin of the werewolf�s shoulder.

He didn�t realize he had fallen asleep until he was jolted awake by the violent trembling of the shoulder his cheek was now pressed against. Remus� heart was racing in his chest, his eyelids fluttering in rapid blinks. He seemed to be choking on his breaths, the bandages holding him too firmly for him to breathe deeply. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes and through all the blinking, he managed to glance over at Sirius.

Remus was coming out of his stupor.

Sirius didn�t know whether to be thankful or terrified. His stomach gave a sharp twist as he thought of what Remus would say to him. Perhaps the werewolf never say anything to him again.

The fear was sharp in the golden eyes, and Sirius tenderly placed his hand on the wet cheek, stroking Remus� skin with his thumb. He was sure the werewolf would pull away, would shove him back, would be beyond angry. After all, he had every right to be. But slowly, almost as if unsure, Remus� hands came to his arm and clung to him. Sirius� heart skipped a beat. This was the complete opposite of what he had expected. But no, he couldn�t allow himself to hope, yet. Remus wasn�t himself. He was still badly dazed and confused. Through the aching in his chest, Sirius leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to the sweat-drenched forehead. He would take advantage of this closeness as long as he possibly could.

Consciousness slammed down on Remus in a whirlwind of pain and pressure. Every muscle in his body shook as sharp jolts ran up his spine, his eyes fighting simultaneously to stay open and to fall shut. He struggled for breath, scared of the unnatural tightness of his chest.

And then, through the storm of all his fear and pain, a hand fell on his cheek. It was cool and soft, tethering him to the world his body was fighting so desperately to return to. His eyes focused on the face in front of him, meeting those soft gray eyes that were so concerned, but so calm and reassuring. His hands were on Sirius� arm and the memories flashed through his mind�the impossible pain of Sirius pressing inside his body, the feel of Sirius� gasps against his mouth as they kissed, the adoration he had been hiding from everyone, including himself, for months.

But then another memory intruded. What was it? It was awfully fuzzy. He shut his eyes to try to see the picture there in his mind, but Sirius shook him gently, trying to keep his eyes open.

�Stay with me, Moony. You�re okay. You�ll be good as new soon.�

The voice drifted to Remus and he looked up into the eyes again. They looked defeated this time, absolutely broken and haunted by something painful. And then he remembered the Hogwarts cum disposal bouncing on Sirius� dick. It was an agonizingly detailed memory once it came back to him.

Part of him wanted to lurch back and claw the face off Sirius, but there was something so tender in the way he kissed Remus� forehead. He had never been so gentle after a transformation. And they had never been alone quite like this. Dare he hope that Sirius wanted him? And dare he give himself to the biggest slag in the school?

�I�m afraid,� came a whimper he barely recognized as his own. But he recognized the piercing truth of his own words as he realized what had happened to him. Because of his best friend, he had almost killed himself. He felt very weak and small, suddenly. Unconsciousness nearly claimed him again. Had it not been for the soft touch of the hand on his cheek, he would have fallen back into his dead but restless sleep.

�There�s nothing to be afraid of,� Sirius reassured him, though his tone seemed slightly unsure.

�You have sex with everyone,� Remus mumbled. Had he been able to raise his arms to that level, he would have pressed his hands to his face in embarrassment. What was he doing? Where were his inhibitions that would have normally kept him silently fuming?

Glancing over at Sirius, he could see the pain of deep regret burning in the gray eyes.

�I�m not going to do that anymore. I�ve�changed.�

�Prove it.�

Remus was intensely surprised by his blunt tone, and he settled back and closed his eyes. His mind was still too fluid and emotional. His reasoning faculties hadn�t come back to him yet.

�Give me a chance,� Sirius whispered, resting his head back on Remus� shoulder as if to test his reaction.

Sirius felt like his heart would explode in his chest. Remus lay there unmoving. Sure, he wasn�t pulling back, but he wasn�t leaning in either. And he wasn�t responding. Seconds ticked by. Sixty of them. Then one hundred twenty. Two minutes. Three minutes.

Remus parted his lips and licked them, then opened his eyes and gazed at the ceiling.

�I��

But the second he opened his mouth, Madame Pomfrey stepped through the door and he fell silent once more. Maybe it was the anguished looks on both of their faces that caused the nurse to ask Sirius to take a bed to himself and rest. Whatever it was, Sirius was all but kicked out of the room. The black-haired boy could hear Madame Pomfrey tending to Remus� wounds as he kicked at the floor and lingered just outside the door. They were talking slowly and softly and he held for a moment the delusion that they were talking about him.

When trying to make out muffled words became too much for him, Sirius sighed and trudged back to Gryffindor Tower in despair.

A week passed with no deep conversation between Sirius and the tawny-haired werewolf. Sirius was edgy and cruel to nearly everyone, especially when James asked if he was alright. It would have been easy, he mused, to take a thousand girls and pound them into a screaming, writhing oblivion to make himself feel better, but he had something to prove now. He left his curtains slightly open as he slept, allowing Remus, who slept in the bed just a few feet away, to see that he was always there early and always stayed the night.

Not at all in the mood for revelry and sweets, Sirius stayed at Hogwarts during the next Hogsmeade weekend. His mood was surlier than normal and he was sure he knew why. When the dormitory had emptied out, he stretched out in bed and tried to read through his potions notes for the upcoming exam. But of course, thoughts of studying led to thoughts of Remus. He tossed the notes aside, listening to his parchment rustle in the air and fall to the floor outside his curtains.

Fuck it, he decided solemnly, an ache in his chest as he lay back again, his hand absentmindedly coming to the firm bulge in his pants that he�d been ignoring for days. He realized that all his plans to save his next orgasm for Moony were completely idiotic. It was certain now, from the way he was acting, that he wanted to be nothing more than friends. His bandages had come off the morning after, revealing the bright pink lines of new scars that marred his chest horrifically. And since that moment, he had said nothing of the incident or about what had happened between them. He was acting so damn reserved. It was more frustrating than anything to Sirius, now tugging on his firm erection. Instead of fantasizing about the boy that would never have him, Sirius concentrated on the perfect feel of his hand applying pressure to his shaft, the way his fingers gave a little squeeze at the tip, constricting his head, twisting around his throbbing length before firmly sliding back down. He tipped his head back, his body becoming aroused now. He could feel the steady beat of his heart, pounding harder and faster now as he took in fast, shallow breaths, sweat beading on his pale skin. This was going to be good. He could feel it.

It didn�t take long. His toes curled in warning and he let out a low groan as he came, white drops cascading from his swollen tip before he realized what was happening.

Lying there, trying to catch his breath, was when he heard the rustling.

�Who in the hell is out there?� he demanded, his mind still fogged over with the immense release of orgasm. There is a certain danger when one assumes he is alone, living in a dormitory. Sirius cursed under his breath as he realized he had left his curtains open and everything. Whoever was rustling, they had most likely seen everything.

�I�m sorry,� came the soft reply, which sounded shy and more than a little embarrassed. �I�I forgot my jumper.�

As if his luck could get any worse, Sirius recognized the voice instantly.

�Fuck,� he mumbled once more under his breath. Then, louder, �Moony, I�m sorry. I thought I was alone. I didn�t mean for you to have to witness that.�

There was a soft chuckle. Remus stepped forward, toward the bedcurtains swaying gently in the breeze, and looked down at Sirius, who had yet to cover himself in any manner. Remus� gaze made him instantly flush red and pull a small pillow over his lap. It barely did the job.

�Er�You thought wrong.�

�Listen, Moony. About what happened��

�Don�t, Sirius. Don�t try to get me to repeat what happened that night, in the common room. That�s over.�

Remus did indeed look very severe, with his arms crossed and that familiar worried frown on his face, the one that tugged one corner of his mouth down and made his eyebrows nearly touch in the middle.

�I just want to tell you, I�� Sirius paused, chewing on his lip and his words. �I wanted to tell you that I owed you better than that. I owed you more respect than that. You�re Remus Lupin. And you may be buried in old, strange-smelling books and have ink stains on your nose from time to time, but�well, maybe I like that in a boy. Maybe�Maybe I like you.�

�Let me know when you figure it out. But, just for reference, when people like each other, they don�t keep shagging everything that moves. Now, I�ll leave you to your wanking.�

Remus snatched his jumper off his bed and was out the door faster than lightning, his biting tone still reverberating in the still, quiet air and in Sirius� mind. This was new. When had Remus ever stood up for himself like that? Sirius was willing to venture that he had never possessed a scathing tone like that in his entire life. He wished in vain that he had had a chance to explain himself. But then, Remus probably would have countered it with something clever, like their normal fights, and they would have retracted into a dull silence with Remus in the rhetorical lead. That was how it always went. To Sirius, Remus stood higher than anyone. It was too bad he was not one to use his intelligence or his bookish charm or his smooth and calculating rhetoric more often, really. Sirius wanted everyone to see just how stunning he was.

Sirius spent the evening replaying the conversation in his head. One line stuck out to him in particular and left a little ember of hope burning in his chest. He scarcely allowed himself to hope, but there it was�

��when people like each other��

Surely, Sirius mused to himself, he could have just made it singular, saying something like �when one likes someone.� But instead, it had been plural; ��when people like each other�� Remus, with his slick rhetoric, would not have made an error that grave.

So perhaps, Sirius thought, I stand a chance after all�
- 2
- 3
- 4
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Sirius Dreams