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January	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3745 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
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�Russian roulette is not the same
without a gun,

And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun��

It had been
extremely hard for Remus to get up and face Sirius that morning. He wasn�t
quite sure why he was so worked up by his dream. He�d spent plenty of nights
dreaming about Sirius. Yeah,
but never about me going down on him. He knew his dream self had
evidently been egotistical and always wanted to take.

And now
he�d dreamt about giving and it was all he could think about doing. Even sat at
breakfast, pushing his cornflakes around his bowl, he was wondering if crawling
under the table and re-enacting his dream would be plausible.

�You�re
quiet this morning,� Sirius nudged him, sending an electrified jolt up his arm.

�Am I?�
Remus yawned, giving the soggy cereal another stir.

�And you�re
not eating either,� Sirius rolled his eyes. �Not that you�d want to now,� he
looked doubtfully into the mush.

�Not
hungry,� Remus pushed his bowl away, giving up the pretence.

�Are you
feeling alright?� Sirius� frown was instant.

Oh, yeah. Super. I can�t keep my
mind out of the gutter for more than three seconds. �I�m fine.�

�I�ve
finally finished that fucking essay,� Peter fell into the seat opposite them
and started inhaling toast at an indecent speed. �It�s all bollocks though and
Prongs wrote the conclusion for me so Merlin knows what he�s put.�

�I thought
you weren�t going to get other people to do your work for you anymore?� Remus
frowned at him.

�I was
desperate,� he looked up, embarrassed. �And you weren�t around to ask.�

�Still,
finding him would have been preferable to asking Prongs,� Sirius sniggered.
�Did you see the marks he got on his last Herbology
essay, Peter?�

Peter
stopped chewing his toast and made questioning eyes.

�A D,�
Sirius shrugged, helping himself to a croissant.

�Fuck!� Peter threw himself off the bench and ran out of the hall to save his
essay.

Sirius
laughed and watched him go.

�That was
out of order,� Remus couldn�t help a smile.

�Well it�ll
teach him to stop getting other people to do his work for him, won�t it?�

�Oh,
really, when has it ever stopped you from doing the same?�

�I only
copy from you, �cos you�re the smartest.�

Remus
rolled his eyes. �And more fool me for letting you, I suppose.�

�Exactly,�
Sirius threw him a smug grin and ate his croissant.

They sat in
silence a while and Remus watched the rest of the school eating. In the moments
of quiet he still couldn�t quite believe he was allowed to be there, amongst
the rest of them. A wolf in sheep�s clothing. A laugh roused out of the Hufflepuff table and he smiled.

�Where�s
Potter then?� a voice jerked him out of his thoughts, he looked up and saw Lily
glaring at Sirius.

�What�s it
to you?� Sirius winked at her and she groaned.

Remus had
always had a soft spot for Lily. She was beautiful and feisty, funny too.
Before his torch for Sirius had really started burning, he had thought himself
in love with her. But of course, living with James, he�d never dared to open
his mouth about it.

�Because I
know what he did to those second year Slytherins and
I�m reporting him,� Lily said. �Remus, do you know? You�re a prefect. You
should if you don�t.�

Thankful
that he actually had no idea, Remus shook his head. �I�m sorry, Lily, I have no
idea what he�s done now or where he is.�

Sirius was
laughing beside him. �Moony, I think you�re the most docile prefect Hogwarts
has ever had.�

�Only where
his friends are concerned,� Lily rolled her eyes and turned her glare properly
to Remus.

�I honestly
don�t know, Lily. But if you like I�ll come with you to report it?�

He was sick
of everyone assuming his friends walked all over him. They might do, but there
was no need for everyone to rub salt in the wound every five minutes. Lily was
taken aback by it, he could see, and Sirius had fallen quiet next to him.

�No, its
fine,� she answered with a smile, as if his willingness to contribute were
enough. �I�ll go by myself. Don�t expect to see him tonight. Bat Bogey Hexes
will earn him a lovely evening cleaning something disgusting.�

She marched
off and Sirius turned to Remus instantly. �Way to go on the solidarity, Moony.�

�What?�
Remus muttered. �I am a prefect. I
let you get away with far too much.�

Sirius
didn�t reply -he didn�t have to. Remus knew what he was thinking anyway. Nobody
had ever been callous enough to say it, but Remus assumed that his roommates
felt that they did enough for Remus concealing his lycanthropy and by having
mastered incredibly advanced spells to help him, and that he should repay them
with his leniency. Remus knew they were right, but at the same time he�d been
given a responsibility �one he�d been thrilled to receive.

The bell
rang and he sighed. �Transfiguration time,� he hauled himself off the bench
with his body aching.

�Highlight
of my day,� Sirius replied sarcastically, and got up.

***

Somewhere
between lunch and starting afternoon lessons, Remus noted Sirius� mood had
soured. He was grumpy and answering everything with short, non-committal
answers. Remus had given up trying to make conversation with him and was
instead talking to James and Peter as they sat, potting bulbs in the Herbology lab. It was absolutely freezing and he had to
work hard to keep his teeth from chattering.

�This is
boring,� James announced to nobody in particular. �This and a detention tonight. Happy days.�

�Ah so Lily
caught up with you then,� Remus smirked, brushing the spongy earth off his
fingers and pushing his fully planted pot away.

�Yeah,�
James muttered. �She wouldn�t even listen to me.�

�You were trying to worm your way out of it?� Peter asked.

�No, I was trying to get her to come to Hogsmeade
with me next visit,� James� face cracked into a grin.

�And you
wonder why she calls you dense,� Remus laughed. �You�re the only boy in school
who can turn receiving a detention into asking for a date.�

�I�m not,�
James rolled his eyes. �Sirius does it all the time.�

�Oh, so
that�s what he was doing with Tomkinson the other
day,� Peter teased. �Have to say, Sirius, I didn�t think he was your type. You
know, not having breasts and all.�

�Shut up,�
Sirius said disdainfully, and continued over packing his flowerpot with soil.

�Ooo-ooooh,� all three of them chorused together and began
laughing.

Remus leant
over and tugged the pot out of Sirius� hands. �You�re going to suffocate them.�

Sirius sat
back and let his work be dragged out of his fingers, which were now filthy. �I
wish I�d never taken this subject.�

�We told
you to drop it,� Remus said, tongue sticking out of his lips as he concentrated
on removing the soil. �But you didn�t want to drop it because we were doing
it.�

�I can�t be
shitted taking it for another year� I don�t need the NEWT.�

�You can�t
drop it now,� James shrugged. �Too late in the year for you to switch into
anything else and then you�ll be a subject down.�

�Anyway,
how hard is it to just turn up and be brilliant?� Peter breathed. �You�re good
at everything. It�s not as if you have to pay attention anyway.�

Sirius
didn�t reply but occupied himself with staring over at the Slytherins
grouped at another table. It was impossible to pull anything on them in Herbology because the desks were so open and it rarely
included wand work.

�Don�t even
think about it,� Remus nudged him, and slid his pot back in front of him,
correctly filled and the wiggling head of the bulb peeking out over the surface
of the soil.

God he�s moody today. Wonder why? Remus was about to open his mouth
and ask when they were called to attention. He didn�t get another chance for
the rest of the lesson as he hastily took notes, dirty hands turning his
parchment messy.

Sirius was
still quiet as they trudged through the snow back to the castle for dinner, via
their dormitory first to clean up after the messy lesson.

�Nearly the
weekend,� James hummed as he washed his hands in the sink in the small bathroom
off the dorm. �Ah fuck, the hot water�s running out already.�

�It�s probably frozen in the pipes again,� Remus tutted,
splashing some cold water up over his face. �I don�t get why they don�t just
keep an anti-freeze charm on all the pipes.�

�They�re
obviously not as smart as you, Moony,� James laughed, drying his hands. �Do you
have any idea what�s up with Pads today? He�s strung tighter than normal.�

�No, I was
going to ask you,� Remus leant towards him.

�Maybe it�s
something to do with his brother,� James frowned. �He�s been acting up again.�

Remus
shrugged. �I�ll try and find out tonight whilst you�re inhaling silver polish,
shall I?�

�Don�t
remind me. I swear, when I finish school I�ll be able to sue for brain damage.�

�Well the
answer to that is to stop getting detentions,� Remus rolled his eyes. �And they
call you gifted.�

James
whipped him with the towel he was still holding. �I�m gifted,� he hit him again
with a grin. �I just sometimes have spectacular lapses in judgement.�

Dinner was
a quiet affair. Sirius was still inexplicably sulky, James was lamenting the
loss of his evening to polishing, Peter was buried in another essay he was
behind on and it didn�t leave Remus with many opportunities for conversation.
He ate in silence. It�s so disconcerting
when he�s quiet� like the life goes out of the group. Unable to take it any
longer, Remus swallowed his mouthful and nudged Sirius with his shoulder.

�What�s
up?� he asked quietly.

�Nothing,�
Sirius replied irritably, eyes still on the dinner he wasn�t really eating.

�Could have fooled me,� Remus raised his eyebrows and shrugged, half-smiling.

Sirius
seemed to warm a little at the show of affection and sighed. �Just Regulus
being a twat again��

�What now?�
James looked up from his food. �Want me to go and wreak some havoc?�

�I got a
letter at lunch from my mother. Apparently he told her about my little escapade
behind greenhouse four with Ophelia Jones.�

In unison
Remus, James and Peter snorted into their plates. The space behind greenhouse
four was notoriously known as Sirius� patch, where he seemed to end up on all
of his dates. But two weeks before, with Ophelia Jones, he�d finally been
caught by the caretaker with his trousers round his ankles and his hand in her
knickers. What I wouldn�t give to be
lying behind that greenhouse� Remus shook his head slightly and took
another mouthful of food.

�An� she doesn� approve?� He mumbled round the hot food.

�Of course
she bloody didn�t, pureblood maniac that she is� You know, I was kind of hoping
the bitchy letters would stop when I ran away but I guess it was too much to
ask when she can still find me here for a daily verbal earbashing.�

�Ignore
her,� James shrugged.

�I hate
that I can�t do anything without him,�
he chucked a glare at Regulus� back, sitting at the Slytherin table, �Writing
home and reporting it to her. I mean, for god�s sake. I�m seventeen, I�m an
adult now.�

�So why did
you open the letter, then?� Peter raised his eyebrows.

Sirius
didn�t reply and Remus knew his answer anyway. He gently knocked Sirius� knee
under the table in a show of sympathy.

�So is this
why you�ve been a grump then?� James asked, �Nothing else?�

�Who else
but my mother can rile me so successfully?� Sirius rolled his eyes, but his
mouth curved up into a grin suggesting that sharing his problem had made him
feel better.

James
laughed. �Well, Pads, I�d love to stay and give the group therapy another go
but I have a date with a polishing cloth.�

�Merlin,
that�d sting,� Sirius smirked and James walked away laughing.

�I�m going
to go to the library,� Peter announced, slamming shut the book he was having no
luck reading. �See you later.�

Finding
themselves alone, Remus and Sirius looked at each other.

�Was it something we said?� Remus asked, amused, looking at the suddenly empty
opposite side of the table.

Sirius
laughed and finally ate some of his food, now cold.

�What are
your plans for the evening?� Remus asked with a yawn.

�Tired?� Sirius frowned. �You shouldn�t be. What�s wrong?�

�Nothing,
I�m just� tired.�

�Shame,�
Sirius speared a potato. �I was actually hoping you might sneak out with me
tonight.�

What? You never ask me to sneak out
with you. Even when James is busy. �Why?�

�I need to
get out of here,� Sirius shrugged. �Need a bit of excitement.�

�Where?�

�I dunno, thought we could go to London or something, go drinking.�

Alarm bells
were ringing in Remus� head. Nothing had ever gone successfully with Sirius
where the words �go drinking� were involved. There had been the famous Night of
the Projectile Vomit in their fifth year which had not yet been topped.

�Well can�t
we drink here?� Remus whispered.

�Please,
Moony, I really need to get out. We can take the passage to Hogsmeade
and Floo from there, seeing as you can�t apparate yet.�

�Curse my
March birthday,� Remus sighed dramatically.

�So will
you come with me?� Sirius pleaded with him.

You know I can�t refuse you. �I�m sure I�ll regret this in the
morning, but fine.�

***

Two hours
later, standing next to Sirius feeling grossly inferior, Remus knew he would regret it in the morning.
They were in one of Sirius� favourite haunts, a club in the backstreets off Diagon Alley, where the alcohol was cheap and the girls
were loose. Remus had never been there before; Sirius had only ever gone with
James. He felt both young and ugly, standing next to Sirius who was looking adult
and attractive. They�d nearly not gotten in �despite Sirius� best efforts on
aging up Remus� appearance with some stubble, he�d still had to slip the guard
on the door some money to get Remus in.

�C�mon,
this way,� Sirius brushed past him and Remus felt his body tingle as they
connected slightly. �Get us a quiet corner somewhere.�

Why?!

Remus
followed him past the queue for the bar and then around the edge of the dance
floor, already packed. Interestedly he was looking at the sound system, and the
magical disco ball sending flecks of colour everywhere as it spun. He had to
keep moving, though, or he�d be in danger of losing Sirius.

�Here we
go,� Sirius turned to him and waved at a small table and two chairs in a poky little
alcove. �Where Prongs and I always sit.� He took his jacket off and threw it on
the back of the chair before sitting down.

Remus sat
down carefully, knowing he had never felt more out of place than he did there.
He wasn�t really fond of high concentrations of people,
the different scents accosted his nose and took away his feelings of safety.

�I know
it�s a bit of a dive,� Sirius must have seen the look on his face. �But it�s
noisy and the music�s good and everything�s really cheap.�

Remus
managed to force a smile and drank some of the alcohol Sirius had pressed on
him by the bar.

�Feels good
just to be out of the school, doesn�t it? I hate being all cooped up like
that.�

�We�ve only
been back from Christmas for a few days!� Remus rolled his eyes. �How can you
feel cooped up already?�

�Doesn�t take much,� Sirius shrugged, knocking his drink back. �Oh brilliant,
here she is, Soph!�

A waitress
sauntered up to their table with a massive grin on her face. Instantly, Remus
knew why he was so pleased to see her. Blonde hair, big chest, short skirt� She
ticked every point on the Sirius Black checklist for dating. Bitch.

�Where�s
James tonight? Who�s this?� She grinned, looking at Remus. �He�s cute.�

�Ain�t he just?� Sirius winked. �This is Remus.�

�Oh! I�ve heard
a lot about you,� she grinned. �None of it good!�

Remus
blushed and kicked Sirius under the table.

�So what do you want, then?� She turned to Sirius and asked.

�The usual, please.�

�You sure, he doesn�t look like he can take it?� she looked back at Remus,
thin, young-faced, nervous.

�He can put
it away as well as I can,� Sirius shrugged. �Appearances are deceiving.�

The
waitress laughed and walked away into the crowd.

�What�s the
usual, then?�

�Wait and
see,� Sirius grinned, face finally relaxing and becoming his usual self.

Remus shook
his head and looked around again. There were a lot more men in the club than
there were women. He frowned and realised that in all, the only women he could
see were very clearly with other women. It was only when he saw two men engaged
in a kiss up against the bar that he turned to Sirius.

�Pads,
there�s an awful lot of blokes in here kissing other blokes.�

�Wondered
how long it�d be before you noticed,� Sirius snorted. �Does it bother you?�

Is the Dumbledore gay? Christ, what
a stupid question. �No.
I just didn�t think you�d be hanging
out here.�

�It�s just
every Thursday night that it�s specifically gay patrons,� Sirius explained. �If
it bothers you, we can leave.�

�It doesn�t
bother me,� Remus shook his head. In fact, watching the two men again, it
wasn�t bothering him at all in a negative
sense, only a positive one.

�Don�t
stare,� Sirius slapped his hand across the table. �And if anyone approaches you
just make your orientation known quickly.�

Remus
laughed and set his glass down. �You sound like you speak from experience.�

�With a face and arse like mine? Of course it�s the voice of bloody
experience.�

�So
modest,� Remus rolled his eyes. And I
know just how tempting both your face and arse are, you bastard.

�Anyway
just tell them you�re straight and they�ll back off� unless they really fancy
you.�

�Well let�s
face it, there�s not much chance of that, is there?� Remus despondently picked
up a beer mat and twiddled it in his fingers.

�The
waitress thought you were attractive,� Sirius reminded him pointedly. �You�re
not going to get all depressed on me, are you? I hate it when you get like
that.�

�Well what
do you expect when you drag me out looking like this,� he motioned to his plain
clothes, �With you prancing around looking like that?�

�Like what,
exactly?� Sirius frowned, but they were interrupted by the waitress bringing
their drinks.

With a
barely concealed scowl Remus watched as her hand sat on Sirius� shoulder as she
chatted to him, laughing loudly and whispering something in his ear. She turned
and walked back off into the crowd, and Remus was sure she was moving her
backside much more than she should have been.

�She�s
pretty, huh?� Sirius caught him watching.

�Yeah, I guess. Much more your type than mine,� Remus smiled. Not really a lie, is it?

Sirius
poured him a glass of a clear liquid. �What is your type?�

Tall, muscular, dark haired, a bit
hairy in the body, grey eyes. �Don�t really have one. What is this?� He picked the glass
up.

�Muggle vodka,�
Sirius grinned. �This is one of the only places that holds
a stock of Muggle alcohol as well. Most of its rubbish but this stuff packs a
decent punch if you keep up at it enough.�

Remus
sipped and almost spat it back out. It tasted very much like what he�d imagine paint
stripper to taste like. �Oh it�s disgusting!�

Sirius
pointed his wand at it and a stream of fizzy liquid mixed in the glass with the
vodka. �Try it now, it shouldn�t be so strong.�

�That�s
better,� Remus conceded after another mouthful. �You and Prongs drink this all
the time then?�

�Sometimes
we go for rum instead,� Sirius shrugged. �Anyway, how can you not have a type?
Everyone has a type.�

�It�s not
something I think about,� Remus chose his words carefully. �I mean� it�s not
like I�m ever going to have a functional relationship anyway, is it? What�s the
point of tormenting myself?�

�There�s no
reason you couldn�t have a girlfriend,� Sirius frowned. �Someone you trust��

Remus shook
his head. He was still speaking the truth. His feelings for Sirius didn�t mean
he expected anything to come of them, for Sirius to love him and build a life
with him. He was still waiting for the phase to burn out. He�d been waiting two
years already. �I know it won�t happen,� he shrugged.

Sirius
frowned. �Don�t make me set you up with someone.�

�Please, like I�d want your rejects,� Remus tried to be flippant but Sirius
knew him far too well.

�Is that
why you get so upset about how many people I go out with? It hurts you to see
me go through so many people when you don�t think you�ll have anyone?� Sirius
asked. No, I get upset because I think
you should be going out with me.

�Excuse me,� came a voice, and Remus jumped slightly,
glad of the reprieve. A man was looking between them. �Before I make a prat out of myself, are you two together?�

�No,�
Sirius grinned.

�Oh, well,
then� would you like to dance?�

Remus
waited for Sirius to reply, he was watching the ice in his drink slowly melt.
Sirius wasn�t saying anything, which was rude, so he looked up, only to find
that the person was actually asking him.

�Uh, what?�
was all he could manage.

�Would you
like to dance?� the man repeated �he could only have been a few years older
than them.

�Um, no.
But thank you for the offer,� Remus replied shyly, and slid his eyes back into
his drink.

�Worth a
shot,� the man laughed to Sirius, and Remus expected him to try it on Sirius
next, but he just walked away.

�See,� Sirius laughed. �Who�s been asked to dance within ten minutes of being
here?�

Remus shook
his head with a grin.

�I should bring you back on a straight night,� Sirius mused. �Get you out into
the wider dating pool than the school has to offer.�

�Its fine,�
Remus insisted. �I�m fine.�

�No, you�re
not. You were embarrassed by that man asking you to dance, like you thought he
was mad. That and he was a man, of course, and you�re straight.�

Maybe it
was the vodka, Remus would never know. He�d only had two mouthfuls. But he
couldn�t help replying, �Why are you so sure about that?�

�Because
you enjoy the view when Rosmerta bends over in her
low cut robe as much as the rest of us�� Sirius leant forward.

�Do I? How do you know I�m not just playing along so as not to draw suspicion
to myself?�

�You�re not
that good an actor, I�ve seen you lie.�

Remus
laughed. And there I was thinking you
were so intelligent, Sirius.

�And
anyway, if you were gay, surely you�d have accepted that man�s offer and be gyrating against his hips on the dance floor
right now?�

�Maybe I�d
be embarrassed about telling you,� Remus teased.

�Like hell,
you know you can tell me anything.�

Can I? Can I really?

Sirius
reached the end of his drink and it instantly re-filled. �Cool, huh?�

Six glasses
later, cool was certainly the word Remus would have used. He was incredibly
drunk, and so was Sirius for all his boasting about being able to hold the
alcohol. Conversation was flowing freely between them and Remus was enjoying
having Sirius all to himself. He�d been asked to dance three more times through
the night, which Sirius found hilarious.

�You�re
going to beat Prongs� record if you�re not careful. And he got up and danced
with one of them one night.�

�Really?�
Remus laughed.

�Oh yeah,
was proper going for it. I think the guy was devastated when James whispered
that he couldn�t go home with him because he had to go back to school!�

They both
roared with laughter and Remus hiccupped. �Ow,� he
rubbed his chest.

�You should
make your admirers jealous,� Sirius grinned.

�What?�
Remus frowned.

�You should make them all jealous and dance.�

�With who idiot? I turned them all down.�

�Me,�
Sirius was on his feet and pulling at his hand.

�But we
told them we weren�t a� whoops,� Remus stumbled over his own feet as Sirius
pulled him.

�Like it
matters,� Sirius grinned, and pulled Remus into the thick of the moving bodies.

And nothing
really could have prepared Remus for what happened next. Sirius grabbed him by
the hips, placed them crotch to crotch, like everyone else on the dance floor,
and started to move against him. Oh my
God. Remus was drunk but he wasn�t stupid. He knew that Sirius gyrating
against him was likely to cause quick bodily reactions whilst made loose by
alcohol. But caught up in the heat against his body, and the ear-shattering
sexy music all around him, Remus couldn�t think of how to escape. And nor do I want to.

�I can
already see one of your guys looking really bitter,� Sirius leaned forward and
laughed in his ear, putting his arms around his torso to hold him closer.

Remus
managed to laugh. �So tell me, do you do this with James? Get up and rub
yourself on him?�

Sirius
threw his head back and laughed. �No. But then James isn�t as much fun as you
are.�

Pitifully,
Remus felt his heart soar. Apparently, he was more fun than Sirius� best
friend. Sirius danced to the music with easy grace and rhythm, but yet again Remus
felt out of place.

�You�re not
moving your hips right,� Sirius frowned, and put his hands on the offenders.
�Like this.�

Remus moved
without much coercion beneath his strong grip. It was the first time he�d ever
danced with anybody in his life. He was pretty sure he was never going to
forget it for the rest of it, either.

�That�s it,
you�re getting it now,� Sirius took his hands off and placed them on his back.
�All of the guys that asked you are totally watching you, does it feel good?�

�Why would
it?� Remus mumbled breathily, feeling tired.

�Making
them all want you more?� Sirius said it like it should have been common
knowledge. �Don�t you like being a pricktease, Moony?�

Remus
laughed and found himself falling a little into Sirius� neck; it was closer
than he had ever managed to be before, facing him. It felt like everything he
had hoped it would.

�I�m rather
pleased, I�ve got someone they all want in my arms, and when we go home tonight
I�ll have him in my bedroom.� Remus� heart stopped. �Of course, they don�t know
that I�ve had you for five years and that there are two other boys there as
well, but hey, who needs to give details!�

Should have seen that coming. Idiot.

He danced
against Sirius for a while longer, trying to keep his rampaging hormones under
control. But it was hard when Sirius was seemingly getting �so� into it,
running his hands up and down his back, moving closer, leaving absolutely no
gap between their chests. There was some kind of wail building up inside Remus
and he wasn�t sure he could keep it in for much longer.

And then
something happened which further knocked him for six. Sirius pushed into him
again and Remus felt was undeniably an arousal against his hip. Shocked, he
almost dropped his grip on Sirius� arms, as it pressed in again, his own groin
reacted.

�Well,�
Sirius whispered into his ear. �Is that a wand in your pocket or are you
pleased to see me?�

Remus
immediately pulled out of his embrace, and fled from the crowded floor back to
their table, where he threw his jacket on with trembling hands, fumbling with
the zipper.

�Moony, what�s the matter?� He felt Sirius� hand on his shoulder. �I�m only
messing with you, I�m sorry. That�s the cheesiest line in history, I was
joking!�

And that�s the whole fucking
problem, really, isn�t it? You�re only messing with me. And I don�t want you to
mess with me, I want you to do it and mean it.

�Talk to
me, I�m sorry, did I scare you or something?�

Remus
turned round and was every bit as close to Sirius as he had been on the dance
floor, almost nose to nose. �No, you didn�t scare me.�

�Then what?� Sirius frowned at him, concern in his eyes, despite how drunk he was.

Now or never. He�s drunk. He might not even remember and then you can just forget
this whole stupid thing and move on with your life. Your very
lonely life.
�I didn�t run away because I was scared,� Remus whispered miserably. �I ran
away because I enjoyed it.�

Sirius
looked at him for a moment before grinning slightly. �You enjoyed dancing with
me?�

�Dancing
with you, feeling you, generally being near you,� Remus muttered.

Silence
fell between them as the music beats continued to shatter around their ears.
Remus� heart was trying to rival them on his ribcage; a hectic thump which he
was sure would be audible to even human ears.

Sirius was
still staring at him, grin frozen on his face and his eyes looking into Remus�.
�Do you always enjoy touching me?� Sirius blinked.

Why hold back now? Damage is already
done. Remus nodded.
�I�ve enjoyed a bit more than is considered innocent for around two years now,
if I�m honest.�

�Two
years?� Sirius versed back at him shock.

Remus
nodded again. �I can tell from the look on your face I�m not as bad an actor as
you said I was. You had no idea, did you?�

Sirius
shook his head gently, silky hair shaking with him. Remus put a false smile on
his face and shrugged. �It�s nothing. It�ll pass.�

�If it�s
already been going on for two years it should have passed by now,� Sirius said
in a stronger voice, and Remus thought he might have passed out and been
delirious as Sirius framed his face in his hands and kissed him.

Oh fuck.

And what a
kiss it was. Remus had obviously heard the rumours about the school, that his
best friend was amazing in the oral region� everyone had heard those rumours.
And that was why Sirius always had a girl hanging off his arm �because they all
wanted to know if they were just
rumours. And of course, Remus had thought about it too. So as Sirius stroked
his face gently, kissing him softly at first, then rougher as he swiped his
tongue against Remus� lips; Remus felt his knees start to shake. You�re pathetic� oh shut up and enjoy it.

He realised
he was hanging limp, but soon corrected his posture by putting his hands
lightly on Sirius� shoulders and parted his lips to admit his best friend into
his mouth. Sirius took the inch he gave him and surpassed it, wrapping his arms
around Remus and making the kiss deeper, wetter and sexier. Remus couldn�t help
the groan that came out of his mouth and he felt Sirius laugh a little against
his face. He pulled back ever so slightly so they were nose to nose.

�And before you ask, no. I don�t do this with Prongs,� Sirius winked at him. �And I
wouldn�t dream of, either.�

�So why are
you doing it with me?� Remus muttered throatily.

�I�m not sure,�
Sirius shook his head. �But I know I like it.�

They kissed
again and Remus felt himself be pressed into the table behind them and Sirius�
hands sliding down his waist. He pushed up against him and tentatively put a
hand in the silky hair he�d been longing to touch for two years. It felt just
as he�d supposed it would.

�I know why
I�m kissing you,� Sirius tilted his head back into Remus� hand.

�Why?�

�Because
you�re not afraid of me and you�re not some limp doll in my arms, you�re
reacting like a person should to a kiss� nobody ever does that with me.�

�That�s
probably because they�re so awestruck by you��

�You�re not
awestruck?�

�I�ve spent
two years dreaming about this, you think I�d waste it being unresponsive?�
Remus murmured.

�No, I
wouldn�t either,� Sirius smiled softly.

�What does
this mean?� Remus asked quietly, as Sirius undid the zipper on his jacket and
slid it off his shoulders, throwing it back on the chair he�d taken it off.

�I�m not� I
don�t know,� Sirius frowned. �I�m a bit too drunk to know.�

�Then
you�re too drunk to be doing it,� Remus smiled sadly, and pushed Sirius back a
little.

But he was
grabbed around the waist and held against Sirius tightly. �Since when has being
drunk ever stopped me from doing something I�ve enjoyed?�

�I�d hope �since�
it was my heart you were playing with�� Remus replied honestly, the vodka in
his veins allowing him to speak freely.

�Oh��
Sirius swallowed, Remus watched his throat bob with a whimper in the back of
his own.

�I think we
should go home,� Remus smiled, and twisted to reach for his jacket again,
feeling the disappointment course through him as Sirius let him go.

Remus
waited by the table as Sirius turned to go and pay for their drinks, feeling
sick and stupid. Everything you�ve wanted
for two years was in your hands and you threw it away. What the fuck?

Sirius was
back, and with a lurch Remus saw he was holding out his hand for him to take.
He did with tentative fingers and let himself be guided out of the club, filled
with bodies moving to the music. He realised he was hot, a problem solved by
stepping out into the cold January air, fingers still tightly laced with
Sirius� as they started down the alleyway to get back to The Leaky Cauldron to
Floo to Hogsmeade.

�Thanks for
coming out with me,� Sirius turned to him. �It was good to get out with you.�

Remus
shrugged, very aware of the fact they would soon be on the main wizarding high street in the country, holding hands. If
anything, though, Sirius just held his hand tighter. They entered the pub and
headed straight for the Floo, faces down and inconspicuous as ever, lest any of
their teachers actually be in London
for whatever reason. The most risky part of any sneaking out adventure was
coming up �getting back in.

Sirius let
go of Remus to use the Floo first, purely because he was the better liar and
could make up something decent to anyone that might be waiting at the other end.
Remus followed him through the flames and was almost afraid to look around. But
the Three Broomsticks was almost deserted.

�Been out
again, have you?� Rosmerta called,
a mocking tone in her voice. �I should really report you.�

�You won�t
report me,� Sirius slapped on the charm. �You make most of your money off me��

Rosmerta
laughed. �Get out of here.�

Sirius barged
through the door and they stepped out into the wind.

�Fuck, it�s
freezing,� Sirius automatically hugged himself.
�Quick. Let�s get in the bloody tunnel.�

They walked
quietly round the back of Honeydukes, and Sirius silently slid the bolt out of
the hatch which led down to the cellar. Remus went first, using his special
nasal qualities to sniff for company. But they were alone, as always. He crept
to the hatch and heaved it up, then slid down the hole and waited for Sirius,
who would be obliterating their footprints in the snow and placing the hatch
back together.

All too
soon, they were creeping back along the tunnel, Sirius� wand lighting the way.
The tunnel broadened so they could stand properly and they slowed their pace.
Remus wondered if it was because Sirius realised, as he did, that soon their
strange little night would soon be over, and their private time together lost
until they could find it again.

Sirius
suddenly stopped and Remus found himself pressed into the wall of the tunnel.
There was no other sound than their breathing.

�I really
enjoyed tonight,� Sirius told him, and kissed near his mouth. �Did you?�

�You�re
stupid if you have to ask that question.�

�I thought
as much.�

And Sirius
had grabbed him again, his wand falling to the floor taking the light with it,
the tunnel eerily lit. Remus felt a bit drunker than the last time he�d managed
to push Sirius away, and he couldn�t do it. Sirius had put his hands into his
thin hair and it felt divine. Remus reciprocated and felt his stomach swoop as
Sirius groaned. The erection that had given Sirius away in the club was back.

�Sorry,� he
muttered, and Remus was shocked to see a slight pink tinge on his cheeks. �Hard to control.�

�Why on
earth are you apologising?� Remus laughed, and the sound bounced down the
tunnel.

�I don�t
quite know,� Sirius raised his eyebrows, and in a fluid motion wrestled Remus
to the floor, covering his body with his own.

�Sirius, what-�

�Love�s not
fun if it isn�t rough,� Sirius muttered, and kissed him again.

Well. Now I know he�s drunk. He just
implied he loves me. I should stop this. And Remus tried to push Sirius off him, but he was too
heavy, Remus too slight and too inclined to let it continue. His hands were everywhere.

�Christ,
Sirius, maybe we should s-slow down�� Remus managed to get out.

�But I
thought this was what you wanted?�

�I do� but�
you�re drunk.�

�I still
know my own mind.�

�Still�
let�s just�� he gasped as one of Sirius� wandering hands brushed over his
crotch. �Let�s just talk about this when we�re not drunk, okay?�

�Buggering
prefects,� Sirius staggered to his feet, pulling Remus up with him. �All too
fucking rational, if you ask me.�
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January