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Gone to Madness	By : everwild34 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 14548 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The characters used in this story and any recognizable places or situations belong to JK Rowling. I do not own anything from the Harry Potter universe and am making no profit from this story.

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A/N: I remember I wasn't particularly happy with this chapter, but I have yet to find a way to really fix it the way I want to. Yeah, this chapter pretty much kicked my ass.
I DO hope you enjoy it though. Essentially, it does what it needs to do and it's not terrible, I just... yeah.
I would like to thank all of my reviewers for their kind words and encouragement. Shivawn, I went back to check and I believe that the disclaimer is automatic, just above the chapter's content. Thanks for keeping an eye on that for me though.
And without further ado, Everwild presents:
Lying Through Your Teeth

Harry rushed from the dungeons, feeling an irrational panic overtake him as he pounded up the stone steps. Snape couldn�t hurt him now, not with so many people around, not in broad daylight. All Harry had to do was avoid getting detentions with the man and speak to Dumbledore about putting a stop to the Occlumency lessons. That was all he had to do.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out into the Entrance Hall, the light and cleaner air helping to clear his head. Ron and Hermione had not managed to catch up with him yet, still somewhere down in the dungeons. He supposed that he was being unfair to them by shutting them out and snapping at Hermione�s attempts to help him, but at the moment he was just glad to be alone, away from Snape, away from his friends who would question and pity him. He knew that they meant well, but it was annoying and pointless all the same. There was nothing they could do to erase what had happened or make it better. There was nothing anyone could do.

His stomach lurched sickeningly and he clapped a hand to his mouth to suppress the sudden urge to be sick. Another wave of nausea washed over him, signaling the imminent and unpleasant coming sensation and he quickened his pace in search of the nearest bathroom. He skidded around the corner and wrenched the door open, stumbling through the nearest stall door and falling to his knees. He heaved violently into the toilet and slumped forward, resting his forehead against the cool porcelain.

This wasn�t going to go away. Why wasn�t it going away? It was over. Snape, for one, was acting as if nothing had even happened between them, nothing besides the usual verbal battles they waged daily of course. It was all so confusing and unreal.

Shaking slightly, Harry stood, bracing himself against the stall wall as his aching back protested, and splashed his face with a bit of cold water at the sink. If he was to face Dumbledore, he�d damn well better be pretty convincing. This wasn�t the time to wallow in self-pity, what he needed now was action; if he just did nothing and continued on with this horrid pretense of normalcy while he was forced to be in Snape�s vicinity almost every single day� he�d go insane.

And so, with a fresh resolve, Harry glared at his pale reflection in the spotted and cracked mirror before turning on his heel and marching through the bathroom door and down the corridor, towards the headmaster�s office. But when he reached the aged stone gargoyle, he froze.

�Er� acid pops?� he tried with little hope. �No? Alright then, cockroach cluster, fizzing whizzbee, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans? Blood pops? Lemon Drop?� Professor Dumbledore was becoming far too predictable, Harry thought as the gargoyle leapt to the side to reveal the hidden spiral staircase. Not that he was complaining, but just about anyone could get in if they only guessed the right flavor candy.

Harry lingered for a moment at the door with his fist clenched around the heavy, brass knocker, trying to gather his scattered thoughts. But a moment before he could make the decision, the door burst open and his stomach dropped.

�Shut up! Getting what you deserve, boy... Look at me!�

Harry was frantic now, eyes clamped shut and his face turned away as he scrabbled against the wall, trying hard not to think about the thing that was jutting uncomfortably into his side or the fact that he was practically naked, bearing all for his least favorite teacher to see.

�You will look at me!�

Snape held him there, staring straight into his green eyes, and Harry saw madness, darkness, hatred beneath the black orbs that were piercing him like knives.

�Please! Please stop! No!�

Severus Snape narrowed his eyes as he glared down his hooked nose at the boy, lip curling in a horrible sneer, and made a derisive noise in the back of his throat before stalking down the stone steps and out of sight, black robes billowing behind him. Harry stared after him as he recollected himself, heart suddenly pounding his chest. The minimal sense of calm that he�d managed only moments ago was gone, out the window, and replaced by the same combination of rage, fear, and helplessness that he had felt in the dungeons during Potions.

�Harry?� called Professor Dumbledore from within the large office, �Are you alright, my boy?� Harry groaned inwardly at the predictable and now standard question and hesitantly stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind him.

�I�m fine, sir. I just wanted to, er, talk to you� about something.� he mumbled, color rising in his cheeks at the rather pathetic opening statement.

Dumbledore gestured for him to continue, watching with concerned eyes. Harry licked his chapped lips. �I -- Snape�s�� He paused, completely thrown off by the short encounter with his attacker. �I think that, maybe, I should stop going to-to Occlumency lessons. For a while, at least.�

�And what exactly, my boy, has brought this on?� Dumbledore asked. Harry looked into those sparkling blue eyes and saw amusement and patronization; a knife twisted in his gut.

�He -- Well, you know what he�s like, what he�s been like every time we�re in the same room together! He�s just using these lessons to hurt me and -- and invade my privacy. I haven�t learned anything from him at all! In fact, I think it�s actually gotten worse since I�ve --�

�That is quite enough.� The words were spoken calmly enough but with a new ringing authority, and Harry promptly fell silent. �Harry, I know that these lessons must be difficult for you, what with your and Professor Snape�s long-standing animosity towards one another, but I assure you that he is trying to help you here and that he is the best teacher you could find in such an obscure branch of magic. Your mastery of Occlumency is absolutely essential in this war, Harry, and I had hoped that you would be able to be more mature about this and overcome any negative feelings.� Harry�s heart sank as the realization crashed over him. Dumbledore wasn�t going to help him. �Now, it is my wish that you continue your lessons with Professor Snape, every Wednesday at the usual time, like it has been for the past year. I trust Severus with my life, and though the two of you will likely never be the best of chums, I wish for you to attempt the same.�

�But, Professor, please�� Harry said desperately.

�I am sorry, Harry, but my decision is final.� Dumbledore moved around his desk and sat in the winged, plush chair contentedly.

�But I thought that, if I had some time to try and practice on my own, it might --�

�No, Harry.� said Dumbledore, showing the first sign of impatience or irritation that Harry had ever seen in him.

�But Professor, I�ve hardly gotten any better and it�s almost been a year since I started with him! Don�t you think that maybe, with a different teacher -- one who doesn�t hate me -- it might be easier and go more quickly?�

�Professor Snape is an excellent Occlumens, the best there is. I implore you to trust my judgment on this matter, Harry. I will hear no more of this.� Silence swelled in the room, suffocating. Harry took two steps back, away from his trusted Headmaster and mentor. He couldn�t go back to those lessons. He felt as if he has just been condemned to death row.

�Now, was there anything else you needed, my boy?� The words sounded distant, as if they were reaching his ears through a long tunnel. Harry shook his head, no, and backed further away, face completely blank, disguising the toil going on behind it. There was no way in hell he was going to go back there, back to Snape. �Well, if that is all, then I suggest you hurry along to the Great Hall for dinner. I don�t doubt your friends have missed you.�

�Yes, sir.� said Harry, and without another word, he turned and left the comforting, ornate office to descend the stairs and, when he was out of earshot, broke into a run.

******

The Great Hall was the same as it had ever been, students chatting noisily at their tables without a care in the world, the usual covert glances sent his way as he walked steadily towards Gryffindor�s table halfway through dinner. Ron and Hermione welcomed him easily, scooting to the side to allow him room between them.

�What the bloody hell was that about in Snape�s class? Where�ve you been?� Ron demanded the moment he sat down.

Ignoring the first question, Harry attempted to casually say, �I had to talk to Dumbledore, I�ve been up in his office since Potions.�

�Are you okay? Was it your scar?� asked Hermione anxiously. He supposed it was a logical conclusion to make.

�No, nothing like that.� Harry made a split second decision to stick as closely to the truth as possible. �I just wanted to see if I could quit �remedial potions� with Snape, just for a bit to see if I�d do any better on my own or with someone else.� he added at Hermione�s disapproving look.

�Well, what�d he say?�

�He said -- yes!� Oh shite!

�Really?� Hermione�s eyebrows flew up skeptically and Ron let out a whoop of joy. �That�s great, mate!�

�But how are you going to practice on your own?� What the hell was he doing?�

�Er� There�ve got to be some books on it in the library somewhere, and I could practice the techniques before going to bed and stuff.� said Harry carefully.

�I suppose��

�Ah, leave him alone, Hermione. He�ll do fine!� Ron interrupted, reaching across Harry for a spoonful of mashed potatoes. ��Sides, how�s he �spose tah be all �motionless an� stuff wiff Shnape in da room?�

�Oh, I don�t know. If this is what you really think is best, Harry�� Hermione was watching him carefully so Harry quickly took a bite of pork roast before responding, as nonchalantly as he could, �It is.�

Unable to stop himself, he cast a quick glance towards the staff table before swiftly turning away, back towards his meal. Snape was watching him. He suddenly didn�t feel nearly as hungry as he had walking in, and took a sip of his water in an effort to calm his rebelling stomach. He did not want to be sick again.

�Harry? Harry, you alright, mate?�

�What?� Harry looked up from his plate, startled, to see both Ron and Hermione staring at him nervously. �What?� he asked again, though much more defensively than before.

�You�ve just been acting a little strange lately. It�s like you weren�t there for a minute.� said Ron cautiously.

�I told you guys, I�m just tired. Everything�s fine.� Harry sighed, running a his fingers through his wild, dark hair, causing it to stand on end.

�If you�re sure.� Ron and Hermione�s eyes met briefly, and Harry could tell that they didn�t believe him.

�Yeah, �course I am.� Harry muttered.

For the rest of the meal, he kept his eyes firmly on his plate or the faces of his friends and classmates, determined not to look or even think about Snape as he finished his meager dinner and left the hall for the comfort of the Gryffindor common room and his warm, soft four-poster bed. However, if he had, he might have noticed the fact that the Professor�s eyes never left him, not once, and flashed occasionally with a horribly familiar hungry gleam or rare glint of red. If he had, he might have learned that his continued lack of safety was never a question, and just maybe, ended the whole damned charade before it could really begin.
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Gone to Madness