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Unrequited Love	By : Kitkatislovely95 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Sirius Views: 18406 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books/movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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He was in shock. That was really all he could call it. He couldn't think straight, couldn't answer someone when they asked him something. He had gotten the news, and he had gone practically comatose. He could kind of hear voices, but he couldn't make out what they were saying, but he did think he was transported to the hospital wing.

They had told him what they thought was good news. They were only trying to help, he told himself. Oh, but they weren't helping. He hadn't told them what happened, they didn't know.

He had been back at school for almost 2 months now. Ron and Hermione had noticed he was still upset about something, but when they asked him, he would just smile and say that he was fine, but there was an underlying sadness there, one they couldn’t explain. He would sneak off occasionally without so much of a goodbye. He had been going to see Blaise and Draco of course, but he couldn't tell them that. They were worried about him, figuring that maybe he missed Sirius.

Oh, how wrong they were.

Of course he missed Sirius, but he didn't want to see him, not when he couldn't have him the way he wanted. It would just hurt him in the end. Blaise and Draco had helped a lot, showing him the affection he desperately craved, and afterwards, they would hold him, and tell him that everything would work out in the end. He told them one day that they deserved time alone, and he felt like he was intruding. They had promptly held him down and taken turns fucking him senseless, then told him they had enough time alone. That they loved their time with him and wouldn't change it for the world.

But that wasn't the issue. Harry's issue now was that Ron and Hermione had just told him that they had asked Dumbledore, and with his permission, they had asked Sirius to come for a visit, and he had, for some ungodly reason, agreed to come. Hogsmeade weekend was coming up after all. The perfect time for some alone time for the two. Harry hadn't heard much else after that, and when his friends saw the look on his face, they had called for the headmaster, and had him rushed to the infirmary.

Harry didn't know how long he had been this way, minutes, hours, days, he wasn't sure. All he was sure of was that the only thought going through his head was that Sirius was coming here, and he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to handle it.

When Draco heard about Harry being in the hospital wing, he had immediately thought the worst. He had rushed to find Blaise, told him what he heard, and they had gone to visit him. They found his friends there with him, but they knew that they would have to leave tonight, and vowed to come back later that night, when Poppy was asleep.

At around 10, they snuck back in, finding the bed Harry was in, and saw what had happened. He had a blank look on his face, lying on his back staring at the ceiling without actually seeing it. They got onto the bed quickly, one on either side of him, and started to stroke his arms, chest, face, and any other part they could reach. They whispered softly that he would be okay, that they were there, and wouldn't leave him.

Not too long after they started, Harry blinked his eyes, and they focused on the two bodies next to him. It was strange how his friends couldn't wake him, but his lovers could. Hmmm...

"Hey," he whispered softly.

They both let out sighs of relief and wrapped themselves around his body. He put his arms around his lovers, his best friends, and held them close.

"Ron and Hermione invited Sirius to come here this weekend." His voice was a choked whisper as finally he started to cry. Harsh sobs tore from his throat, and his chest ached with the prospect of seeing him again after everything that had happened. He supposed it could be worse, but this still hurt like hell.

Draco and Blaise gaped in shock for a minute, before gathering themselves and holding Harry as he cried out his frustration, fear and pain. Draco could empathize with him, he had gone through almost the exact same thing with Blaise, so he held Harry's head to his chest, murmuring words of encouragement, support, and dare he say love, in his ear. It was a good thing they had thought to put silencing charms on the curtains around the bed.

Soon the sobs died down into sniffles, and the tears stopped. He looked up into Draco's eyes, seeing understanding there, and smile sadly at him.

"Thank you," he looked over at Blaise, who had steadily rubbed his back as the tears had fallen. "Both of you. For being there for me. No one else could be there the way you are."

"We're your friends, your lovers, Harry. We care about you. We will always be here." Blaise whispered to him.

Harry nodded slightly, "What am I going to do? I don't know if I am strong enough to handle this."

Draco grabbed his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes, "Don't you ever say that. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have dealt with so much, and none of it has broken you. Don't let this be the thing to do it."

"So what do I do when he gets here?"

Draco smirked at him, "Why you bring out your inner snake, love."

They had stayed late into the night, telling Harry just how to bring out his 'inner snake' as they called it. The next morning, Poppy came in, saw Harry awake and alright. She did a few tests on him, checking his vitals and the like, before telling him he could go, but not without making him promise that at any signs of another episode like the last one, to come straight to the hospital. She really did love that boy like he was her own son.

Harry made his way to Gryffindor common room, passing a couple of first year Hufflepuffs who waved at him and said they were glad he was okay. People were already up and about when he got into the common room, but everyone stopped when they saw him. It got so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Harry!" Twin cries were heard as he was bombarded by the arms of his two longest friends.

"We were so worried about you. We were just telling you about Sirius and then you froze. Your eyes glossed over and we couldn't get a response out of you. It was horrible. Don't you ever do that again." Hermione, still wrapped around his neck, had to stop for a breath.

"I'm fine guys. I'm sorry for scaring you; I don't know what happened really. But I'm fine now." He put his hands on Hermione's waist and pulled her away from him.

"You sure, mate? ‘Cause I don't want another episode later on today. You right bloody freaked me out the first time." Ron wasn't much of a hugging person, but he must have been pretty badly shaken, because he pulled Harry into a hug that lasted longer than 3 seconds and didn't involve claps on the back.

Harry squeezed his friend tightly for a moment, "Yeah Ron, I'm fine. I guess I just didn't expect to be able to see him so soon, is all."

"Well, believe it mate. He will be here Friday after classes end. Then you can spend the next two days with each other."

Harry wasn't going to let that happen. He was going to spend as much time away from Sirius as he could without it being to noticeable. But he didn't tell them that.

He put on his best smile, "Can we go eat? I'm starved."

Ron looked at him again, scrutinizing him, "Yeah man, let's go eat."

He had Potions first thing that morning, so he had to hurry through breakfast, so he wouldn't be late. He got to class right as the bell rang. Unfortunately, Snape was in a bad mood this morning.

"How kind of you to join us, Mr. Potter. Did you feel gracious enough to grace with your presence?" Snape really didn't look very good with a sneer on his face.

Well, he figured he might as well get some practice in on letting out that snake...wherever it was, "Yes, I just couldn't wait to see you again." he said, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

"10 points from Gryffindor for disrespect. Take your seat."

He walked to his desk, passing Draco and Blaise, who gave him small smiles, eyes shining with mirth. He sat and began the potion they were working on, which just so happened to be the pepper-up potion. Lovely.

The rest of class went by quickly, and though Harry actually understood what he was doing, it was still confusing at times.

By the time it was over, Snape had still found a way to ridicule him at every turn, but now Harry said a few things back. Fuck being respectful to the git. Not even Snape could find anything to wrong with his potion, however. Take that, arsehole.

The rest of the day flew by, nothing to interesting happening. Harry was wishing it could go by slower though. There was only another day until Sirius would be here. He was scared to death, but also fighting the knowledge that seeing him again would bring back that pain he didn't want to remember.

All too soon, the end of Friday classes was over, and he was called into the headmaster's office.

The gargoyle moved at the word 'chocolate frogs' a tad original but whatever. He walked up the stairs, and entered the office. He saw Dumbledore sitting behind his desk; Fawkes perched on his stand, and, who else, Sirius waiting for him.

They both looked up at his entrance, Dumbledore smiling at him joyously, and Sirius hopefully. Harry smiled at them both, pulling out the big guns early. But on the inside he felt like his heart was being shredded into little bits. Sirius was even more beautiful than his memory led him to believe. His hair had grown about an inch and a half longer, his eyes seemed to shine brighter, and his smile seemed happier. He didn't know if it was because he was here, or because he had someone else, but either way, he knew it wasn't good. He didn't want him happier to see him because it would still be as godfather/godson relationship. And he sure as hell didn't want him to be with someone else.

"Hi Sirius." He said it the best he could, and he still didn't think it was good enough. He walked slower than normal to him, and hugged him when he stood up. Fuck, he had missed these arms around him. All too quickly, he let go, and Harry took a step back. He looked over at Dumbledore, and saw the old man had a peculiar look in his eye, almost knowing, like he knew what was happening, but didn't say anything.

"Harry, Sirius will be staying in a room right outside the 6th year dorm in the Gryffindor tower, so you two aren't too far from each other."

Harry nodded and smiled, not trusting himself enough to speak. He mumbled goodnight to Dumbledore, and walked out of the office, Sirius behind him.

They didn't speak as they made their way to the Great Hall. It was about time for dinner, and even though Harry had lost his appetite, Sirius was hungry he knew. And Ron and Hermione would probably want to say hi.

They walked in just as his friends were sitting down. He looked over at the Slytherin table, immediately locking eyes with Draco, then Blaise, nodding at them. They could see what Harry was really going through, and wished they could help. They wanted to help, but they couldn't. Not until later.

Harry sat with Sirius, in between Ron and Hermione. He tuned out their conversation and ate a few bites of his food. He mostly just pushed it around his plate.

After dinner, he went up to Gryffindor tower, his friends and Sirius following. He didn't talk, just said goodnight, and walked into the dorm. He hoped they would leave him alone tonight. He was tired and he felt drained. He lie down on his bed, and fell into a fitful sleep quickly.

Like Sirius, Harry had dreams too. Only most of his were nightmares. Nightmares of Sirius telling him he would never love him, that nobody ever would. Draco and Blaise leaving him, because they realized he wasn't good enough. He would wake up in a cold sweat crying after those. But there were some that he wished were reality. He didn't know if these ones hurt worse than the nightmares. He and Sirius would be snuggled in bed together, and Sirius would tell him he loved him and then make love to him, like he did their first time. Or it would be their wedding day, he would be crying and Sirius smiling that smile, that one that was only his. Sadly, tonight it was a good one. Something he wasn't sure he would ever have.

The next day, Harry made sure to stay in bed well past lunch, claiming he was really tired when Ron asked him if he wanted to come and eat. By the time he got out of bed, most of the people had already gone to Hogsmeade. He dressed in simple jeans and a t-shirt, and made his way down to the common room.

Sirius was there, reading a book. When he heard Harry come down, he looked up and smiled at him. He received a small one back, but Harry stayed where he was. They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, before Sirius broke the silence.

"What would you like to do kiddo?"

Harry didn't answer right away, because he couldn't believe that Sirius was really going to act as if nothing happened. That hurt. Really bad.

"I am going to go to the kitchen and see if I can get something to eat."

Sirius put down his book and stood up, "I'll come with you."

Harry wanted to tell him not to bother, but he couldn't bring himself to be a dick to the man he loved. No matter how much pain it caused him.

They walked in silence to the kitchen, neither one knowing what to say to the other. Harry met Dobby in the kitchen, and he happily got Harry a chicken sandwich with his favorite, treacle tart. Sirius wasn't hungry, so he just watched Harry closely, and it was incredibly unnerving.

Harry told Sirius he wanted to be alone, and left to find the Astronomy tower. He spent a lot of time here, reading, doing homework, with Draco and Blaise, or just there thinking. He wasn't all that surprised to find his lovers there, wrapped around each other, snogging.

Harry chuckled once, before walking over, stroking his hands around Draco's sides, his arms wrapping around his waist. It startled him, but when Harry whispered in his ear to relax, he turned around in his lovers' arms, and wrapped his around Harry's neck.

"How are you?" He whispered.

"Horrible. I'm going to try and spend as little time with him as possible, but it’s hard when I can't seem to be mean to the man."

"I know what you mean. But everything will be okay soon. He will leave tomorrow, and everything will be alright."

Draco started to run his fingers through Harry's hair. He pulled out of Blaise's arms and motioned for him to sit down. He sat down next to him, and pulled Harry down between them. They stayed there until dinner that night, not talking, just cuddling and sharing kisses.

Harry walked into the Great hall, spotting Sirius between Ron and Hermione, a chair next to him open, obviously meant for him. He sighed, sitting down in the seat, and again tuned out everything around him. All he could think about was how Sirius was sitting right next to him, and he couldn't touch him, hold his hand, and tell him he loved him. It fucking hurt, but he couldn't do much about it. He knew he had done all he could. The ball was in Sirius' court now, it was his decision. He didn't know what would hurt more though, watching Sirius walk away forever, or having to see him with other people while he kept him in his life. Harry sighed again. His head hurt, his chest ached, and he felt exhausted emotionally. He had told Draco he didn't think he was strong enough to deal with this. This might just be the thing that broke him.

The next day, after spending all day hiding from everyone, namely Sirius, he found himself in the Astronomy tower, alone this time. It was just after lunch, and he wanted to be by himself.

Unfortunately, he had never had very good luck.

"I haven't seen much of you this weekend."

Harry didn't turn around, couldn't look at Sirius and lie to his face. "I was really tired, and I did have homework."

They were silent for a few minutes.

"Don't lie to me, please."

Harry sighed quietly, "What do you want me to say, Sirius?"

"I want you to tell me the truth."

Harry whirled around to face him, "Fine. You want the truth? The truth is that this is killing me. The truth is that I hate that I can't have you all to myself. The truth is that I didn't want you here; though having you completely out of my life might just hurt even more. I love you, Sirius. Is that what you wanted to hear?" When he was finished, he was close to tears, blinking hard, trying to keep them back.

"I just want my godson back, Harry." Sirius whispered.

"You can't expect me to just go back to being your family again, Sirius. I can't be your godson anymore, not after that night. I know you think that I will fall out of love with you, but you're wrong. I know how I feel, you are the one that doesn't."

"I know how I feel. I love you, Harry, just not as any more than family. You will realize soon that you were wrong about how you love me."

Harry chuckled bitterly, "You will never see the truth when you hide behind that excuse, Sirius. But just know this. You can hide all you want, but you know as well as I do, that eventually it will catch up to you. You'll realize that your excuses weren't as good as you thought them to be, that the truth is a better outcome than the lie. And I'll wait until that day, Sirius. When it comes, I'll still love you with everything in me. More than anyone else ever could."

With that, Harry left the tower, leaving a shocked Sirius behind. Later, he would cry over what had been said. Later, he would yearn for the strong, warm arms of his two lovers, the only arms he could have wrapped around him. They would come to him, and he would let them comfort him in the best way they could.

But right now, he kept himself in check. It seemed that everything always had to wait until later.

A few hours later, Sirius had yet to leave the Astronomy tower. After Harry had left, he sat on the window ledge, thinking about what he had said. What Harry had told him, didn't really make any sense. He knew that he loved Harry like his own son, nothing more, and nothing less. How would he see past excuses that were the truth?

Though, something in the back of his mind told him Harry was right. On what part, he didn't know, but he could admit he was scared to figure it out.

He had finally given in to the temptation to go into Harry's room at Grimmauld Place. He had lain down on the bed, and wrapped himself around one of Harry's pillows, falling asleep with his nose burrowed in the soft cotton. When he woke up, he was disgusted with himself, a feeling he now knew quite well, and had left the room. He hadn't returned since.

But, why had the sleep he had gotten in that room, wrapped up in the smell of pure Harry, been the best sleep he had gotten... ever?

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Unrequited Love