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The Rules of Hogwarts	By : MistressAshley Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3608 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Rule 1
- 2-Rule 2
- 3-Rule 3
- 4-Rule 4
- 5-Rule 5
- 6-Rule 6
- 7-Rule 7
- 8-Rule 8
- 9-Rule 9
- 10-Rule 10
- 11-Rule 11
- 12-Rule 12
- 2
- 3
- 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit from writing this.

AN: These will have no beta. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, but they are written for fun and if I get them all prettied up, they'll become work. If writing stops being fun, I'm likely to just stop. Forgive my errors and I'll keep writing. Deal? XD

I've had to screw with the timeline a bit to make everything work for this one. Cedric tells Harry how to understand the egg before the Yule Ball … instead of almost a month later.

This is utter crack and I apologize for how long it got.

Rule #3: The Giant Squid is NOT an appropriate date to The Yule Ball.

Inter-School, I Mean, -Species Relations

Harry's mind blanked, and he stared dumbfounded at Professor McGonagall. He had to go to this stupid Ball thing? But not only that, he needed a date? He thought of asking Hermione to go as a friend but was sure that broke some kind of guy friend code with Ron. He could ask Ginny … but did he really want to open that can of worms? Harry shook that thought from his head as he wandered vaguely from McGonagall's office.

His eyes scanned the halls as he walked back to Gryffindor but found no one he really wanted to ask. There was Cho; she was pretty and she enjoyed Quidditch likely as much as he did but, last he heard, she was still dating Cedric. Better to not embarrass himself beyond the telling.

Harry went to bed that night, and for the first time in his life his thoughts were filled with woman. No of them held his attention however.

-Line Break-

It was a week before the Ball and Harry still hadn't asked anyone. He and Ron seemed to be the last men without a date. His eyes scanned the Common Room. Hermione had a date; he had heard talk from the Durmstrang students though he wasn't sure which one Hermione was going with. Neville was taking Ginny–just friends, he said as Ginny eyed Harry with big, come hither eyes. Lavender was going with some seventh year who she kept throwing promising looks toward. The only Gryffindor girl that didn't seem to have a date was Parvati and Harry was staying as far away from that as possible. Parvati was a social climber and was likely to think an invitation to the Ball was a proposal of marriage.

Harry left the castle in disgust, leaving Ron behind to eye Hermione with betrayed and angry eyes. He settled himself in the deep snow around the lake, tugging his cloak closer around him. Why did there have to be a Ball? It was such a stupid thing. Champions shouldn't have to be worrying about getting dates on to of worrying about how to get that egg to make sense. And yet, he seemed to be the only one worrying about both. Krum had date, Cedric was taking Cho–just as Harry thought, and Fleur had managed to enthrall one of the Hogwarts students into asking her. He also didn't see them worrying about their eggs. Krum spent every morning just as he was now–swimming in the Lake, while Cedric didn't seem to be worrying about anything, just enjoying hanging out with his friends, and Fleur showed absolutely nothing; there was no fear or satisfaction coming from her at all.

Harry jumped as a something brushed his ankle. A glance down showed a long tentacle sliding along his ankle. He jerked his foot away at the feel of that slimy appendage rubbing along his bare skin. The tentacle withdrew only slightly, bending in what Harry could imagine was hurt. He sighed sadly; the poor thing was only trying to make him feel better. He reached out his hand, patting the tentacle in apology. The change was immediate. The tentacle wrapped around his wrist, pulling gently but insistently at him getting him moving closer to the lake. There was a small outcropping of large rocks that looked to be floating lightly on the water that Harry soon found himself sitting on, huge tentacle wrapped around his waist to steady him.

It was comfortable here on this rock, a bit cold but so much more quiet than the chaos of Hogwarts. Still, he sighed, this didn't solve the problem of who to ask to the Yule Ball. Frustration welled up inside him. Why was it always him? Why did all these bad things have to happen to him?

His pity party was interrupted by a splash of water to the face. "Hey," he yelled, wiping water from his eyes. Once his eyes weren't stinging anymore, he opened them to find a large, bloody huge was what it was, eye staring unblinking at him. The eye was stern, telling him to stop pitying himself and to think of the problem rationally. Harry shook his head in disbelief. That was silly, the giant squid was an animal, it couldn't possibly have stern thoughts like he was imagining. The most anyone had ever seen the squid do was wave its tentacles through the air … except, hadn't the squid been rumored to have rescued Dennis Creevey after he fell into the water his first year? Hadn't the squid just comforted him?

Harry narrowed his eyes, staring deeply into that bulbous eye. "You're smarter than we all think, aren't you?"

The eye stared placidly back as him but the tentacle around his waist tightened briefly. Was that an admission or just a reaction to someone speaking to it? Harry wasn't sure but all the same he found himself pouring out the whole story, from being forcibly entered into the Triwizard Tournament to the Yule Ball. "And McGonagall said the Champions all have to have dates because they start the Ball or something. I don't even know how to dance," he confided sadly.

He was stunned to suddenly find himself in a hidden corner of the lake's edge. His stomach was twinging slightly and let him know that the tentacle still wrapped around his waist had picked him up and set him down a long way from where he had just been. "What was that for," Harry demanded as he rubbed around the tentacle's grip.

The tentacle shoved him lightly at his question before another popped out of the water. When the tentacle wrapped around him this time, it lay lightly around his neck, the other grasped his hand. There was a sense of urging but Harry wasn't sure what the creature wanted. The tentacles slumped before two more rose from the water. One wrapped around his other wrist, pulling him forward and the other wrapped Harry's arm around the backs of the first two tentacles–much like you would wrap an arm around a girl's waist when you danced.

Oh bloody buggering fuck, the giant squid knew how to dance? Didn't that just make it all the more pathetic that he had no clue? A blush stained his cheeks and he dropped his head. One of the free tentacles clipped him under the chin, pushing his head back up and stroking his cheek once before it pulled back. They wrapped around his ankles and began urging his feet to move in certain ways. It was awkward and embarrassing but finally Harry could get his feet moving in the correct directions himself.

Before long, the young boy and the giant squid were 'dancing' like pros. Harry found himself laughing as the tentacles twirl and dipped him. Someone had to be dipped and the squid was just too large for Harry to manage that, so he made no comment about playing the girl.

The sun sank behind the trees, darkening the small clearing to almost pitch-black and let Harry know just how late it was getting. He pulled back from the grasping tentacles, suckers bared in an attempt to pull him back, with a sigh. "I've got to get back inside. I had fun though. It's just too bad I couldn't take you as my date; we'd have a grand time, I'm sure," Harry said wistfully before he started the trek back to the brightly lit castle.

He never saw the tentacles hitting the surface angrily, sending large waves of icy water spraying in all directions.

Poor Viktor Krum almost drowned that day.

)()(

Harry gave up on finding a date. Sure, McGonagall would be pissed but what could she possibly do to him if he didn't show up with a date? There wouldn't be time to send him to find one, Harry thought with satisfaction.

He spent all his time after that decision in the library looking for clues on the egg. Harry was just thankful that he had helped Cedric with the dragon task … and it was probably best that he hadn't asked Cho to the Ball. That probably would have made Cedric wait until the last minute to explain the egg to him–jealousy was a horrible thing.

Now, all he needed to do was find a way to breath under water. He wasn't sure what he would sorely miss, but it wouldn't really matter if he drowned before he could reach it–hence his reason for spending so much time in the library. He poured over books that had anything, however vague, about water. He really didn't want to know that water nymphs were little nymphomaniacs or that sirens lured sailors to them only to have sex with them, helping the human breath under water … until climax when they let them breath in water. Harry shuddered in disgust. Neither of those helped him breath under water though.

One book though caught his attention. An odd, little wizard had created a 'water bubble' spell. He wizard had become obsessed with a mermaid that lived in a local watering hole and had created the spell to hold her captive. It let her live in the water and yet float around behind the wizard. The things it said the wizard could do to her through the bubble were appropriately horrible but it did give Harry an idea. He just hoped it wasn't too late-the Ball was tomorrow night.

)()(

That night, Harry threw on his Invisibility Cloak and made his way back to the hidden clearing. He leaned over the water's edge. "Hey," Harry whispered, splashing at the surface. It took a minute but a tentacle rose from the water, the eye following close after. Harry smiled at the sight-the eye looked sleepy. A tentacle rose to wipe at the eye making the creature look much like a child fisting their eyes after being woken.

"I'm sorry to wake you," Harry said.

A tentacle waved through the air dismissively.

Harry took a deep breath. Could he really do this? It wasn't as hard as working up the courage to ask one of the Hogwarts girls-or Merlin forbid, one of the Beauxbatons' girls. But could he really walk in there tomorrow … tonight with a giant squid on his arm? "How would you like to go to the Ball with me?" Well, guess that answered that question.

Bubbles rose from the water, a burbling sound rising with them. Was that a girlish squeal? Harry pushed that thought away, unwilling to think of the creature as anything but an 'it'. It made this whole situation easier somehow.

"I just hope the spell I found works; it was made to contain a mermaid, not something as large as you. The water level is certainly going to drop tomorrow," Harry mused before shrugging, oh well. "I better get back in there before a patrol comes around, but I'll pick you here tomorrow, just before 8pm."

The burbling sound came again and, once again, Harry ignored it as he crept back into Hogwarts.

)()(

That night, Harry walked over the grounds of Hogwarts in the dress robes Mrs. Weasley had bought for him. They brought out the brightness of his green eyes, the paleness of his skin, and the dark contrast of his messy hair. He had gotten more than one sigh from the Gryffindor girls on his way out.

He had ten, maybe fifteen, minutes to get the giant squid encased in the water bubble and floated to the Great Hall before Professor McGonagall blew her top. Right, no pressure. Why hadn't he gotten dressed earlier? Why hadn't he been quicker in getting to the lake?

Tentacles waved lazily through the air above the water when Harry made it to the lake's edge. "All right, I'm going to need you to come out as far as you can," Harry stated, rolling his wand between his fingers nervously. The giant, pointed head … or body, Harry wasn't quite sure on that, rose out of the water. The squid floated on its back atop the water, waiting trustingly for Harry to perform his spell. With a deep breath, Harry began. His wand made a large circle around the squid before he jabbed forward. "Aguabolha," he stated clearly. It wasn't a very original spell, loosely translating to water bubble. The water bubble's incantation was the same as its name–only in another language.

Water gathered around the squid and Harry's brow furrowed in concentration. The spell was harder than he had expected. The power slipped through his fingers and water washed in waves over the lake's bank. "Damn it."

The squid gave a low murmur urging him to try again.

Harry gathered his concentration, pushing thoughts of everything except this spell from his mind. He focused solely on creating a ball of water around the giant squid. Holding this picture at the forefront of his mind, he cast the spell once again. With his eyes closed and his focus on the spell, Harry didn't see the bubble form around the squid, didn't notice the bubble float above the surface of the lake, or see it bob to his side. He gave a start as a tentacle tapped his shoulder.

"It worked," Harry breathed. His breath came in light pants. This spell had been made for something human sized so had taken a bit more power to get it to work. Still, what mattered was that it was working. "We should get in there before anyone starts looking."

Bubbles formed in the water around the tentacles as a low murmur rose from the water. That was just weird. The squid was upside down to Harry's thinking, standing on its head all the time.

The trek back over the grounds was made quickly with Harry pushing himself to walk at a fast clip. The bubble bobbed lightly along behind him, just as it was supposed to do. They made their way unseen through the Entrance Hall. Harry took this to mean that everyone but the champions were inside the Great Hall. This likely meant that Professor McGonagall was silently steaming over his lack of presence.

Turning a corner proved his thought correct. McGonagall was looking quiet fearsome in her tartan dress robes with her lips pursed to thin lines and her nostrils flaring angrily. She stormed across the stone floor on a cloud of her own fury with her sensible heels click, clacking as if in emphasis.

"Where have you been, Mr. Potter?" Her voice was low and controlled, letting him know that she was beyond angry–heading straight into burning fury.

Even in the face of her fury, Harry couldn't help himself. "I was picking up my date, Professor."

McGonagall raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Oh, and where is she?"

Harry stepped further around the corner, the watery bubble floating along behind him. The giant squid really was giant. The ceilings of Hogwarts were amazingly high and yet the room they stood in looked smaller suddenly.

The muscles in the Professor's jaw and left eye twitched furiously. "This is not a joke, Potter. Champions are required to start the Ball with a dance."

A tentacle slipped around Harry's shoulders and pulled him gently backwards. It was a protective gesture and Harry appreciated the effort even though his back was starting to freeze from the water's temperature. Thankfully, the protective bubble kept him from getting wet on top of cold. "We can dance, Professor, just … trust me."

"If there was more time I would beg you to reconsider but they are waiting for us already. Merlin forbid, but this will make us the laughing stock of the entire Tournament." The last was mumbled but Harry heard it all the same and by the tightening of the tentacle around him the squid heard it too. McGonagall turned away with a huff and a roll of her eyes and began demanding that the champions, plus dates, line up.

There was a silent agreement between Harry and the creature behind him. They would give those within the Hall the best possible dance. They would be too stunned to laugh.

They were the last to walk in, or rather Harry walked and the squid floated behind him, and they stunned the Hall. Silence met their entry and Harry saw the Headmaster's eyes widen before he managed to smooth his face. It was Snape that made this whole thing worth it; the man gave up dignity and dropped his face onto the table with a loud thud.

The Ball turned out to be more fun than Harry thought it would be, dancing and laughing with his friends and the squid, but it was the giant red mark on Snape's forehead that made it all worth while.

The End

After writing this, I can't believe I just wrote over 2k words about Harry and the giant squid … and actually made it kind of sweet. What the heck is wrong with me?
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The Rules of Hogwarts