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The Redemption	By : Tarpeia8 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Lily Views: 24368 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Note: Many many thanks to Blue Artemis for the beta, and to Ardnaxela for the scientific consultation! :)

AlyssaImagine, TheFreakyWolfie, I’m so glad you liked it! Thank you for your lovely reviews!

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At first sight, it appeared as though nothing had changed at Hogwarts since their graduation. The illusion was lost, however, as soon as the visitor receded from the majestic walls of the castle, which made him inevitably run into the Dementors, who now patrolled the halls. Lily had dreaded to return to the place which reminded her of the most happy and sacred moments of her life, but now, she understood she would never see it the same way again. The younger part of herself was irremediably gone, buried with her memories in the depths of her mind. The sight of those dear, familiar places did not hurt. It was as though she were a distant observer, or as if Hogwarts were a place she had never seen before.

Dumbledore’s office seemed unaltered as well, except for the absence of the magnificent phoenix, who had mysteriously disappeared after his master’s death, and for the portraits of the former Headmasters of Hogwarts – all removed with the exception of Phineas Nigellus’. An immense portrait of Salazar Slytherin had been added instead. Both pure-blood supremacists spent their time sleeping in their frames or watching Snape work at Dumbledore’s desk admiringly. The Headmaster’s private library proved to be another exception. When Lily had tried to open one of the volumes, it had growled and tried to bite her hands. All Severus’ books were dedicated to the Dark Arts. Pleased to see that she was finally regaining her will to take part in daily occupations, he had offered to bring her any books she liked. But her feeble desire to distract herself had waned once more.

The silky surface of the lake was undulating in the breeze, reflecting the pale forms of the clouds. For a second, Lily believed she had seen a massive tentacle of the Giant Squid slide out of the water, but from the high window of the Headmaster’s Tower, she could not tell for sure. It was so strange to have no emotion while contemplating this beautiful landscape.

She put a hand on her swollen abdomen as she felt insistent kicking in her womb. She glanced at Severus. His quill was swiftly dancing on the parchment, leaving in its passage tiny curled trails of black ink. His left hand was gliding over the flat surface, smoothing it. Lily stared unconsciously at his long pale fingers, recalling the way they would prepare ingredients when he was brewing. He had worked on one particular potion for an entire month. Since then, she had had to drink it several times a week, but he had never told her what effects it was supposed to have.

“What is it, love?”

She started. He was watching her with an amused sparkle in his eyes. She turned to the window again and looked down at the small crowds of students lounging on the meadows.

She was missing the fresh air so cruelly. Although allowed to walk in the castle, she could not cross the doorstep of the Entrance Hall. Sometimes, Severus took her for a walk by the lake. It was always in the evening, once the students had retired, and after putting a number of spells on her necklace. The rest of the time, she sat in his office, gazing in front of her. Now that the birth of their child was close, he always kept her within view.

In truth, the atmosphere was almost better in the tower than in the other parts of the castle. Every student or professor whose path she crossed avoided her, not even daring to look up. Snape seemed to inspire a fearful respect even to the ghosts. There were several other red-dressed slaves at school – mainly the properties of the Carrows and the Notts – but they hardly ever exited their rooms, and when they did so, they were too frightened to give her a single glance.

One event had particularly shaken Lily’s apathetic composure. On one of the first school days, she had glimpsed Slughorn’s unmistakable maroon velvet jacket in the second floor corridor. The old professor was strolling unhurriedly, a slice of crystallized pineapple in his hand. When he had seen her, he had nearly dropped his piece of sweet on the floor, and after an astounded look at her crimson robe, he had hurried away as quickly as his large stomach would allow. Lily could hardly believe her eyes. Although she knew he had refused to join the Order in the past, she would have never thought him capable of making a pact with Voldemort. Deeply shocked, she had stood motionlessly in the middle of the corridor until a distracted student ran into her. Snape had instantly emerged from nowhere.

“Off you go, Lily. Twenty points from Slytherin, Mr. Johnson, and a detention with Mr. Filch. That might teach you to behave in a civilized manner.”

He then led her to the office of Amycus Carrow, the Dark Arts Professor and Deputy Headmaster, which was located on the other side of the corridor.

“We’ll use his fireplace to go to our office. You are not going to take the stairs.”

“Is Slughorn a Death Eater?” she had asked faintly.

“Oh, no,” he had replied with a frank laughter. “Just an opportunist. But he remains the best Potions master we have, so no one minds.”

Carrow had granted her the most unpleasant smirk she had ever seen while handing his sack of Floo powder to Severus. They had reappeared directly at the Headmaster’s Tower. It had not been the end of surprises, though. Snape had noticed a small bag in one of the corners of his office and had opened it suspiciously. To Lily’s horror, he had taken out James’ Cloak of Invisibility. She had completely forgotten that Dumbledore had borrowed it from them a few days before they had been attacked. She had not seen such a dark smile on Severus’ face since the Marauders Games. He had examined it in all its details, then had put it inside a chest he locked with numerous spells, not without uttering…

Lily closed her eyes, trying to chase the memories away. They would bring her nothing but pain. And she was tired of it.

There were moments when she felt nothing at all. They frightened her a little, but they did offer some degree of comfort. And yet, no matter how lifeless and worn out she was, a strange anxiety had been growing inside her as her pregnancy had been progressing. A feeling she had not yet been able to identify. What she did realize, however, was the fact that she was completely alone in the world. Severus was the only person who took interest in her, but it was he who had reduced her to this miserable state. It was he who had – slowly and methodically – showed her how much a person could suffer.

“You can’t be entirely dark, Severus. There must be more.”

The words had fled from her lips without her intention. She turned her head and saw that he was looking at her earnestly.

“And who am I according to you?”

Who had been the boy she had once known – she had once believed she knew?

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone can tell. And you the least of all.”

He smiled, but his smile did not lack wickedness. “You are such a fascinating person, Lily. After all you have seen, all you have come through, you are still determined to see the best in people.”

She had to do so. She needed it.

“Don’t fool yourself,” he said coolly. “It’s because of this Gryffindorish mania the Order lost. You know who I am. You saw me once. And you can’t change my nature, as I can’t change yours.”

“Then why do you keep me here?”

His voice and expression softened a little. “You are the innocence and the grace, Lily. You are my antipode. Isn’t it obvious we’ve been made for each other?”

No.

“But it is possible to overcome our misunderstanding,” he continued. “By love.“

“I’ll never love the darkness.”

“Love is your essence. You can’t live without it. That’s why you will have to find something about me you can love. My fingers, perhaps.”

He was smiling again. Lily sighed imperceptibly, her hands lightly stroking her stomach. She looked through the window once more. The children were retreating back to the castle to hide from the burning sun of the noon.

***

“I fully understand your reluctance to believe your luck, Headmaster. Gilderoy Lockhart in person in your school! And what’s more, he is willing to devote his talent to the glory of Hogwarts and to transmit his knowledge to all those innocent young students, who have no idea what dangers they may come across if, like him, they choose the path of fame!”

The foolish young man was gesticulating dramatically, displaying his unnaturally white teeth in affected smiles after every sentence. Too absorbed in his florid monologue, he ignored the grimace of disgust on Snape’s face. Lily found him comical above all else.

“Lockhart,” Severus repeated drily. “It is interesting that I’ve never heard of you.”

The blond man came closer, spreading his arms wide open and nearly knocking a bottle of ink off Snape’s desk with his heavy lilac sleeve.

“With all respect, Headmaster, if you have never heard of me, it is probably because you don’t read the most recent English publications! I’ve written The Travel Trilogy, which has incidentally been the most successful bestseller of the last year! Besides, I won the Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award.”

This elicited the first genuine smile from Lily in long months. She felt a mixture of amusement and pity for the narcissistic visitor. Lockhart seemed to misinterpret her reaction, as he turned to her and allowed himself another shiny grin.

“That’s right, Madam, the Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award! I’d never guess the ladies would choose me! But since they gave me their trust, I do my best not to deceive them, that’s understood! If you give me a second, I’ll leave you my autograph.”

Snape’s eyes flashed with such fire that a reasonable man would have apologized and backed out of the office immediately. But Lockhart was manifestly not a reasonable man. He began to search his pocket for a quill.

“You may have noticed that the school year started more than two weeks ago,” Snape said in his most quiet and dangerous tone.

“Oh,” the visitor laughed, releasing his robe to slap himself on the forehead, “I haven’t told you yet that I have been offered the position of Seeker in the National Squad! But I made a profound reflection on my future, and I decided I would help the young hopes of the wizarding world develop their talents and their personality rather than spend my time pleasing the mobs of fans, despite the spiritual satisfaction their appreciation can undoubtedly—”

“And what position do you seek exactly?”

Lockhart stuck out his chest. “I have a particular fondness and predisposition for the Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“The Defense Against the Dark Arts.” Severus’ eyes were like two pieces of charcoal. “That’s exactly what we are looking for.”

“But I can teach other subjects as well!” shouted Lockhart, insensitive to Snape’s irony. He pulled a cream-colored velvet glove on his right hand and took his wand out. “My old schoolmates are still used to consulting me whenever they have difficulties with any kind of magic. I suppose you would like to test my skills…“

“Indeed I would. Expelliarmus!”

The ornate wand flew from Lockhart’s gloved hand before he could react to Snape’s wandless spell. He looked at the Headmaster with surprise and incomprehension. Suddenly, the light of the fireplace and the candles faded, leaving a semi-darkness penetrated with cold and dread.

Whatever Lockhart had studied, he was clearly not familiar with the charm the Death Eaters had invented to induce the sensation caused by the Dementors. He looked around him frantically, searching for his wand.

“Since you are an expert in the Defense Against the Dark Arts, Gilderoy, I presume you have all the necessary experience with the Unforgivable Curses?” Snape asked silkily.

The blond man’s voice got stuck in his throat. “I… I… I…“

“This is what we teach our students. This is what we expect of our students. One day, these young wizards will be the Dark Lord’s elite and his most important supporters. Accordingly, my colleagues and I have strong principles concerning the school program. If you really wish to become part of our staff, I will take the liberty to send you to our Dark Arts Professor, Amycus Carrow, who will test your abilities to counter the major curses including – beside the three Unforgivables – the Conjunctivitus Curse, the Jelly-Legs Curse, Sectumsempra, the Blasting Curse, the Entrail-Expelling Curse, the Flagrante Curse and Fiendfyre, and provide you additional training. Nothing but the current school topics. If not, you will have five minutes to leave this place.”

This time, Lockhart understood. He spotted his wand on the carpet and grabbed it, crawling on his knees. Then he threw himself to the door, not bothering with courtesies.

Severus stretched luxuriously, and the light went on again.

“I’ve made up my mind. If the Dark Lord allows me to create the post of school clown, I’ll be glad to hire him.”

Lily thought Lockhart was rather fortunate to have got out unhurt, even though Snape would probably have taken no pleasure in harming such a weakling. With a quiver of apprehension, she saw his hand slip to his crotch. He was always excited when he had humiliated someone. Dark magic and intimidation had the effect of drugs on the Death Eaters. She remained still, hoping he would not transfer his attention to her.

“Lily.”

She closed her eyes. Too late.

“I want you. I want your lips on my cock. Now.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

“Do you want a potion?”

“No.”

“Then?”

Resigned, she knelt in front of him. Maybe he would leave her alone at night.

“I’ll never leave you alone, Lily. You know this.”

She did.

***

Empty. Indifferent. Emotionless. Unconcerned. Sluggish. Listless. Lackadaisical. Oblivious. Apathetic. Lethargic. Dispirited. Meaningless. Numb. Paralyzed.

“I need to speak with Nott, my love. I’ll be back in twenty minutes. Stay here.”

Paralyzed. Paralyzed. Paralyzed. Paralyzed.

Chiming of the clock.

Stuck. Silenced. Silent.

Silence. The clock had obeyed.

Empty. Indifferent. Emotionless. Eternal.

Was this the death? What did it matter? A star shining in the night sky had no feelings. It just existed. Silent, inert, eternal.

And if the legends were right? If people became stars after their death?

If only she could get rid of that violently red robe and put on something white…

She was rising to the stars. The heavenly constellations were whispering around her. There were various vibrations and steady, unceasing strokes. They were getting louder and louder…

The door shook under a strong blow. Lily stared at it for a few seconds, trying to orient herself. She felt sick. The imperious knocking continued, and she could almost feel it drumming in her head. She rose to open the door. Immediately, a long walking stick shot at her.

“Out of my way, Mudblood.”

Malfoy and Rookwood entered, walking majestically to the Headmaster’s desk, where they stopped and glanced around them. The latter looked at her severely.

“Where is Severus?”

She shrugged and went back to her seat. Her head was still dazed as if she had been brusquely woken up.

“I asked you a question, Mudblood.”

“Oh, don’t waste your time,” Malfoy advised, sitting down and conjuring a bottle of mead and three glasses on the desk. “She’s been playing the Inferius for months.”

Visibly disgusted, Rookwood averted his face and helped his friend pour the drink.

“Do all the pregnant women act like this?”

“No, only the Mudbloods.”

For a short period following the elections, where his father had been defeated by Umbridge, Malfoy had behaved a little less haughtily. Unfortunately, the change had not lasted.

“Oh, hello, Severus! Take a break!”

Snape had just entered the office, a pile of parchments in his hand. He seemed pleased to receive his fellows. Lily kept on looking from the window, but her trance had dissipated. Unable to find refuge in her thoughts again, she resigned herself to listening to the perverted conversation of the Death Eaters. She looked up in surprise when Severus put a cup of hot chocolate into her hand. His gaze was piercing and possessive.

“There is something I wanted to ask you,” Rookwood said, his eyes narrowed over his glass. “Do you have any seventh years who need a detention? I wouldn’t mind taking care of them.”

Snape rolled his eyes. “What for?”

“Severus, really! I’d take them to Hogsmeade and buy them some lollipops! What else would I want them for?”

“Some suckers, you mean,” Malfoy threw in, taking a sip to cover his chuckle.

“You forget one thing, Augustus. We no longer have Gryffindors here. All our students are pure-bloods and half-bloods of loyal families. We aren’t supposed to fuck them. Besides, you have McKinnon.”

Rookwood let out an exasperated sigh. “She’s useless now. I lent her to Macnair, and he cut her hand with Sectumsempra.”

“Macnair!” Malfoy chuckled again. “I wouldn’t lend him a ribbon.”

“Too bad,” Snape stated, unimpressed. “And have you tried Azkaban?”

His colleagues nearly spat their mead out.

“What an idea!” Malfoy shuddered. “Imagine what their hygiene is like, Severus. They might have contagious diseases!”

“Yeah!” Rookwood shouted with revulsion. “Would you fuck them yourself?”

“No. But nor would I lend my property to Macnair.”

“Oh, come on! It’s not because you go crazy whenever someone even looks at your Mudblood that I should be mean with my friends.”

Lily clenched her hand on her cup, looking resolutely at the residue of chocolate on its bottom.

“Then suffer the consequences. Or ask Macnair for a compensation.”

“His own slave is mutilated too.”

At that moment, someone knocked at the door. Slughorn’s bald head appeared in the aperture. His eyes widened when he saw the three young Death Eaters drinking in Dumbledore’s office, their feet on the desk. Snape looked at him strictly.

“Yes?”

The old professor cleared his throat. “Severus—“

“Headmaster.”

“Headmaster… I presume you have been informed that Amycus punished Miss Stump for ‘not doing her homework and talking back.’”

“Yes.”

“I was there, and I can witness there was no insolence in Miss Stump’s excuse; she explained she had been ill for three days, and he took no notice. I’m sure you will agree that public chaining is an inappropriate punishment in this case.”

“Ten points from Slytherin will do. Good night.”

Slughorn left after a short hesitation.

“Why do you keep taking points from Slytherin?” asked Malfoy. “Have the other houses not been abolished?”

Severus leaned relaxedly against the back of his chair. “They have, but the system is different now. Slytherins win various rewards depending on the amount of points they have received. This year, if they collect more than five hundred points, each class will be awarded a lesson of Dark Arts with the Dark Lord. If they earn between four hundred and five hundred points, they will be given a trip to Albania to learn more about the Dark Lord’s journey. But if they receive less than four hundred points, they will lose their right to make experiments on Muggles. The student who wins the most points for Slytherin will be honored with an interview with the Dark Lord, while the loser will be given the Drink of Despair for the whole next year.”

“That’s a real reform!” Malfoy exclaimed excitedly. “And do you still take in account the points received during the Quidditch games?”

A spasm contorted Severus’ features at the word Quidditch. “No. Otherwise, the Seekers would always be the winners.”

“True! It’s so good to know that our children will grow up in a better world than we have!” Malfoy’s face was radiant.

“That’s all fascinating,” grumbled Rookwood, “but would you mind getting back to our topic?”

Snape poured himself another glass. “The only creature at Hogwarts I will allow you to fuck is Peeves.”

“Well, that’s generous! I can’t believe you care for these brats!”

“I don’t care for the brats, I care about the rules. The Dark Lord charged me to keep order here, and I WILL keep order here. No orgies at school.”

“But it doesn’t have to affect the order, Severus,” Malfoy objected. “We can always Obliviate them. Or we can pick up volunteers. There must be a lot of seventh years who would be happy to f… please a Death Eater.”

“‘Fuck,’ Lucius. Just say it,” laughed Rookwood.

Lily could not stand it anymore.

“May I go out?” she asked, surprised by how sharp her voice sounded.

The three men looked at her.

“Of course, love,” Severus said softly. “But I expect you to be in your rooms in an hour.”

Once out, she sighed in contentment. The air in the castle seemed so fresh, compared to the one she breathed in the tower.

***

Lily knew where she would have liked to go. The Room of Requirement still existed, and it had lost nothing of its amazing magical properties. But even if she could ascend to the seventh floor, she would encounter the Dementor patrolling its entry. And then she would live the memory again. James and Sirius…

She stepped out into the deserted corridor. Moonlight was penetrating through the tinted glass of the large windows, drawing dancing shadows on the stone floor. She passed by a locked bathroom and took the small staircase leading to the fourth floor balcony. The night air was still warm, and she stood there for a long moment, drinking it with gratitude. Not too close to the edge, though, not to set the magic of her necklace off. After a fleeting glance at the mountains, she raised her eyes to the stars. She wondered mildly if they could see her. So many eyes.

As she was wending her way back to the Headmaster’s quarters, she noticed a heavy half-closed door on her right. She believed she had already seen it. More on impulse than curiosity, she opened it completely. It was a simple storage room containing broken chairs and desks. But there was something else. A plain surface gleaming in the darkness indicated the presence of a mirror. Lily’s attention sharpened, and she felt her heart jump slightly. The Mirror of Erised. She was sure it was it. Why had it been placed there, in the middle of this old, discarded furniture?

She unhooked a little lamp from the corridor wall and slowly approached the magical object. Its form, its inscription, everything was as she remembered it. The last time she had looked in this mirror – shortly before graduation – it had showed her James holding her smiling reflection. In the background, she had seen Petunia with her husband, their parents, all reconciled. Would she see them now as well, happy and alive? Should she look at all?

She sighed bitterly. The sight of her family could not bring her more pain that she had already suffered. After all, it would probably be the last time she would ever see them again. She took a step forward.

Her reflection was growing fluidly. A pale figure with loose auburn hair and sad green eyes. And a very swollen abdomen. Lily contemplated herself coldly, waiting for the image to change. But as the seconds passed, it remained the same. She examined it attentively. This was nonsense. Only the happiest person in the world would see her real reflection in the mirror. And it was hardly possible to feel more wretched than she did.

She lifted her lamp to scrutinize the inscription. I show not your face but your heart’s desire, said the reversed text. Could the mirror have been damaged, or its magic undone? In that case, it would not be surprising it had been moved to a storage room.

And if… if it meant she had no desires any more? This would be true. No wishes. No hope.

She lowered her eyes and flinched. The image was changing. It was deforming, and she nearly asked herself whether this were a dream. The face was turning grey, dreadfully emaciated. The eyes were coming out of their sockets, huge, faded, dead. And the hair was growing white and thin; then it vanished, as did the blackened skin, leaving on its place a bare skull with empty orbits, which were turned to her. Its row of teeth seemed to form a grin: a deadly, ironic grin.

Lily recoiled in horror. Without looking back, she strode away as quickly as she could, her hands instinctively protecting her womb. She could feel the skeleton’s sinister grimace set between her shoulder blades. Back in the Headmaster’s quarters, she went directly to her bedroom, where she finally sat down in front of the fireplace, panting fearfully.

Had this been the reflection of her most desperate desire? Had it been her imagination, a vision due to her sorrow and her frequent reveries? She could not tell. The obsession with death, she had been living with it, seeking it, concentrating on it. It had become a part of her being.

For once, Lily felt relieved when Severus entered. He glanced at her while taking his cloak off to put it over a chair. His penetrating eyes instantly noticed her distress, and he sat at her side and raised her face up by her chin to read her mind. He had been doing it every evening, almost nonchalantly, but this was different. After a half of a minute, his fingers released her jaw and moved upwards to stroke her face. His look was thoughtful. He bent down to kiss her on the cheek, on the neck.

At that instant, something broke inside Lily. Her eyes were suddenly filled with tears. She gripped Severus’ shoulders as a shipwrecked sailor clings to a piece of wood in the storming sea. What had she become? Was she now one of these repulsive creatures without soul, responding to nothing but unhappy memories and emotions? An Inferius, Malfoy had said. A marionette, dead, and yet existing. Without a positive thought whatsoever, without future, without hope.

Anything but the living death. Severus had been right, she could not surmount her grief alone, she could not bear mental torture any longer, without receiving a single kind look or gesture. And now, she could not even trust her own mind. She was going mad.

“Severus, I… need you,” she breathed, and with the declaration, her throat shook with choked back sobs.

“I’m here, Lily. I’m yours. I’m all yours.”

She knew this comforting tone, this false gentleness. But it was all she would ever get. And she desperately needed a little affection, even if it were not sincere.

“I’m so scared.”

“Don’t be. You are safe with me.”

He was caressing her hair, her back, her pregnant abdomen, kissing her face, which was wet with tears.

“My sweet, my beautiful, my beloved Lily, I spent ten years waiting for you. Do you think I would abandon you?”

It was all she was asking for; his real intentions mattered nothing tonight. She pressed her face against his neck, inhaling the warmth and the pulsation she could feel there. He held her tightly until her body stopped shaking and relaxed in his arms like a rag doll. Then he led her to the bed and Transfigured her robe into a nightgown. He stroked her tenderly, soothing her with words of love until strain and weariness overcame her. Strangely, she had no nightmares that night.

***

She spent the whole of the following day in a state of shame and embarrassment. Her fit of weakness seemed remote to her now, and she was analyzing her feelings intensely, reassured that her desolation and her distaste towards Snape remained undiminished. Last night, she had asked him for protection. Him, the very man who had been torturing her for ten months. She had the unpleasant impression that she had fallen into one of his clever emotional traps. The uncharacteristic solicitude he had been showering her with since the morning had only strengthened this sensation. When she had woken up, he had escorted her to the bathroom, and they took a shower together. He had kissed and fondled her, pretending not to notice her unease. After the breakfast – he always took his meals with her, leaving the surveillance of the students in the Great Hall to the Carrows – they passed to his office, where she had watched him work until the lunch. He had been witty and full of attention… in his most disconcerting way.

But she could not deny she felt a little better now. Maybe because she had formally given him her trust. If he hurt her now, it would be entirely his fault. She smiled at how poor this consolation was.

She heard him crumple a piece of parchment and looked up.

“Damn Nott, he is becoming senile. I’ll fix it up once and for all. Just a half an hour, my love.”

When he exited, Lily wrapped herself in a woolen cloak and sank anxiously into her armchair. The same situation had occurred the day before: he had left to lecture Nott, and she had waited alone until the two visitors came. And then she had had the sinister vision. She hoped it would not happen again.

At this very moment, she heard knocking on the door.

***

Pettigrew jerked when Lily opened. He looked twenty years older than he had done the last time she had seen him, at Malfoy Manor. His curly brown hair had thinned and had even turned grey at the temples. Dark circles were visible under his roving eyes, which flitted at her nervously and stopped on her stomach.

“Lily… where is Snape?” he asked, trying to look over her shoulder.

“He just left.”

She stepped aside to let him in. He entered, giving a distrustful glimpse to the portraits of Nigellus and Slytherin, who were peacefully snoring in their frames. As soon as she closed the door, he turned to her with a feverish determination and took her hands into his.

“Lily, listen to me. I’m so sorry, I’m so very sorry. I’d have never revealed your hiding place to the Death Eaters, I swear! I thought I could protect you. They tried to submit me to Veritaserum…”

“Why have you joined them, Peter?”

She freed her hands and sat down. He bowed his head, his face tense and desperate.

“It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. If I had known they were planning such things, if I had known they would go after Harry…”

He had to calm his breathing before he could continue. He dropped on his knees in front of her seat.

“Please, forgive me, Lily. You have no idea what I have suffered. I would never, never—“

“But I have an idea of what James and Sirius suffered. Why didn’t you try to help them? At least, you could have given them a painless death.”

“They were watching me!” he cried out. “I couldn’t, Lily, I swear. I saw them die like you did, and it nearly killed me. Believe me, I would never tell them your secret. He tortured me for hours.”

She remained quiet. He sighed and puckered his eyebrows in concentration.

“I’m not good in Legilimency, but I’ll try to show you. Please, forgive me if you can.”

He whispered the incantation, looking in her eyes, and she entered his memories.

The floating candles were arranged in such a way that all the light was concentrated on the figure chained in the middle of the room, while the wobbly furnishings remained in the shadows. Malfoy was lying on the sofa, his dark robe spread around him to avoid creasing. His silvery-blond hair seemed to shine in the dim light, and he was looking at the prisoner with a cold, detached interest. Snape was standing aside, almost blending with the dark background. His eyes were glowing, and a small, barely visible smile was playing on his lips.

Peter was trying to rise on his knees despite the magical ropes binding his hands and feet. He ignored the two captors until Snape spoke.

“I’m pleased to receive you as my guest tonight, Pettigrew. There is a question I would like to ask you. In fact, I won’t hold you for long if you are a little cooperative. All I want to know is where the Potters are hiding.”

Peter stopped struggling and turned his face to them. His expression was neutral.

“Only the Secret-Keeper can reveal the place, Severus, you know it as well as I do. And Sirius is their Secret-Keeper. I don’t understand why you keep on—”

“Crucio.”

The two Death Eaters watched him writhe and shriek without any emotion. When the curse was lifted, he collapsed on the floor, panting and shaking.

“The address.”

There was no reply.

“Crucio.”

This time, he let out a long, wild scream.

“Speak.”

“I can’t say it!” Peter moaned. “I’m not—”

“You should have learned Occlumency before trying to lie to me. Crucio.”

The scene repeated itself over and over again. When Peter started to cough in suffocation, Malfoy spoke for the first time.

“Don’t think I’m trying to correct you, Severus, but if you go on like this, you’ll drive him insane in less than ten minutes. There are many other spells, and it won’t be difficult to heal him when you’re done.”

Snape took the advice seriously.

“True enough. Are you going to speak, Pettigrew? No? Lacarnum inflamarae.”

The image dissipated, then formed itself again. A few hours seemed to have passed. Peter was lying on his face; only his shallow, erratic breathing showed he was still alive. Severus was pacing up and down the room under Malfoy’s indolent gaze.

“I’m sick of this idiot, Lucius. I’m switching back to Cruciatus.”

He approached the prisoner and turned him over with a kick. “Wake up. We’re starting from the beginning.”

Peter moved his lips, but could only give a rasp of pain. The veins on his face were bulged, and he had large burn marks on his skin. “Please…”

“You know what I want.”

His eyelids shivered and half-opened. He had to hawk to formulate his words. “Swear that you won’t harm James and Lily.”

“Harm them?” Snape bent over him, his eyes blazing, his voice low and gleeful. “I swear I will. I have invented a nice curse for Potter and Black to show them what happens with those who like to break the rules. As to Lily, she is my reward for revealing the prophecy. I’ll fuck her every single day and night, in all the existing positions. And she will love it. There is a subtle – and quite inoffensive – potion which will make her very responsive to my touch. She will forget Potter before the year is over. Right, Lucius?”

“Right, but I’m afraid you just ruined your chance to get it over with.”

“Don’t overestimate Pettigrew. A true Gryffindor wouldn’t join the Death Eaters. You have been jealous of your friends, haven’t you, Wormtail? Come, just a couple more curses.”

Peter closed his eyes in a helpless resignation.

The scene changed once more. The pale light of the dawn was penetrating through the dark curtains. The prisoner was limp on the floor, his hair lank with sweat and blood, which were also trickling down his face.

Snape and Malfoy were buttoning their cloaks.

“When the affair is over, you should find yourself a decent house,” the blond wizard was saying. “I’m sure the Dark Lord will give you any residence you wish. How about—“

The vision was abruptly interrupted: Peter had heard a noise outside the office and had jumped on his feet. He looked at Lily with panic and took out a piece of parchment, which he put on the desk.

“Please, give him this; it’s a message from the Dark Lord. He wanted me to deliver it personally – he knew Snape couldn’t resist torturing me again. I wonder when they will get bored and… Please, Lily, try to understand that I never wanted to give you away.”

He was gone. Lily hid her face in her hands.

She did not want to think, to feel, to exist any more. She just wanted to disappear from the surface of Earth. At once.

“What happened?”

She winced as Severus’ voice hit her ears – the voice she had just heard throw the Torture Curse so casually.

“What happened?!”

He seized her hands and drew her up to him, his eyes drilling into hers. As she saw his look darken with rage, she felt an unbearable pain in her womb.

***

“The bleeding has stopped, Headmaster. There will be no complications.”

The caring hands of Madam Pomfrey stroked Lily’s sweaty face.

“You have a wonderful little boy, my dear. Don’t worry, you are both safe.”

Whatever, Lily thought painfully, pulling herself away before she lost consciousness.

***

“When do you want to do it?”

“In six days.”

“You mean, before the…”

“Yes. I’m telling you, Lucius, I’ll break all his bones and I’ll bathe my son in his blood. He will curse the day when he saw Potter and Black die in that bloody cage and didn’t join them.”

“If you don’t mind, I’ll bring Augustus. He said he would like to join us for the next soirée.”

“As you wish.”

Knocking.

“Is it you, Narcissa?”

“Yes. Bella and Rodolphus just arrived. They brought a lovely black present box! You should come quickly!”

“We’ll be there in a moment. Thank you.”

Creaking of the door.

“I wanted to ask you… Does this potion have any impact on the child’s character?”

“No, it affects only his appearance. My son will have black eyes and hair, but his features will be Lily’s.”

“Why hers?”

“She will love him more if he has her face. She ignored her pregnancy as much as she could. She never talked about his birth, never made any plans.”

“I see. Is it difficult to brew?”

“It was difficult to perfect, but the preparation itself is quite simple. It’s made on the basis of Polyjuice Potion, except for the Bicorn horn, which has to be replaced with a powdered scale of a Portuguese Long-Snout. You also have to mix a dose of Venus and Mars with hair of both parents in proportion with the degree of resemblance you are looking for. Add a handful of wartizome with five crushed shrivelfigs, grill the concoction in Ptolemy and pour some Horklump juice over it. Once you have dissolved a sack of Octopus Powder in Re’em blood, add three Runespoor eggs, three Dandelion roots and a dozen lacewing flies soaked with werewolf’s urine. Then you have to make the whole potion boil for eleven hours at 185.75°C. When it’s ready, leave it to ripen in a pewter vessel greased with Nux Myristica oil. It’s administered three times a week. You see, very easy.”

“Uh-uh, uh-uh… Very easy indeed. Does it have any side effects?”

“No. What do you think the Dandelion roots are for?”

“Oh, of course! I was just wondering… Now that Draco is two years old, Narcissa and I were thinking of having a daughter. I would like her to have her mother’s features. Would it be possible?”

“Certainly.”

“Then I’ll have to speak with her. She said she wanted the girl to have my eyes, but I’m sure I can bring her round.”

Silence.

“By the way, do you still give your pet the Lust Potion?”

“It’s not a Lust Potion, Lucius, it’s a brew that stimulates…”

“Yes, yes, I know. Does she still have to drink it?”

“Still. She is so incredibly stubborn. But it is time I tried to limit its use.”

“Sometimes I think we killed Potter too soon. He didn’t see the best of it. You never even raped her in front of him.”

“I preferred to show him everything through Legilimency.”

“You did?! Everything?”

“Hmmm.”

“And you never told me? I would have paid to see his expression!”

“I’ll show you in the Pensieve.”

Lily slowly opened her eyes. Her body was weary and sore, but she did not care. She tried to rise into sitting position, her dazed eyes fixed on the two vague silhouettes standing by the cradle on the other side of the room. SEVERUS…

Her voice was raspy. “You… you…”

“Obliviate!”

Blankness.

“You know, Severus, you are a brilliant wizard, but there are two things you know absolutely nothing about: teaching and seduction.”

“You can’t understand, Lucius. You’ve never loved a Gryffindor.”

***

The baby looked peaceful and innocent in his little wizarding jumpsuit, his small fists clenched on either side of his head. Lily gazed at him, surprised by the disconcerting feeling of emptiness in her chest. Despite her best efforts, all she could think about was the education his father and his “colleagues” were going to provide him. And what kind of a person he would grow up to be in such a company.

She saw him move a little and crumple his face as he started to cry. After a long moment of stillness, as though she had woken up from a dream, she bent over the cradle. She took the baby into her arms, baring one of her breasts. As she cuddled him, he began to suckle gratefully, and she could not repress a reluctant quiver of tenderness.

Those black eyes. She could feel them boring into her back. Severus approached them silently and sat at her side. He watched her breastfeed the baby until the latter fell asleep. With a smile, he extended his arm to stroke her cheek.

“I love you, Lily. Both of you.”

She lowered her eyes at the child. She still could not think of him as her child.

“What will his name be?” she asked.

“You can choose any name you like, my love. Almost any name.” His hand slid over her bare shoulder to caress it too. “When he is one week old, he will be submitted to a specific ritual, which will make him enter the elite community. It is a custom of the Death Eaters.”

Lily felt her blood freeze in her veins. Instinctively, she pulled the baby closer to her chest. “A ritual?”

“It has nothing to do with the Dark Mark,” he assured. “It consists in the purification of the child by the blood of a mammal, after which the Dark Lord gives him his blessing. Then he officially receives his name.”

He smiled at her frown of disapproval and disgust. “Don’t worry, love. I would never let my son be hurt.”

He came closer to embrace her.

“You know,” he whispered into her hair, “I believe that one day, we will also have a little girl. And she will have beautiful green eyes and wavy black hair.”

“How can you know this?”

“Just an intuition.”

His arms were strong and gave her an impression of safety. Almost against her will, she relaxed in his clasp.

***

At the sunrise of the seventh day after the birth, Snape led Lily out of the castle with the baby in her arms. They were going to Disapparate to Black Manor, where the ritual was to be performed. She was not going to attend it, though.

As they passed through the massive portal, Lily saw Malfoy and Rookwood waiting downstairs with atypically satisfied expressions. Behind them, a house-elf was holding a voluminous vessel. The blood of a mammal?

Then she sighted a strange pillar erected next to the entrance staircase. It was so high that she had to tilt her head back to see its top. An enormous wheel had been secured to it. Instead of spokes, it was decorated with wriggling snakes, either real or magical. And something was intertwined into them. It looked almost like a body, but its members were too loose, as if all its bones had been broken. A doll, no doubt. She even glimpsed a mop of curly brown hair.

Severus wrapped an arm around her waist. “Are you feeling all right, my sweet?”

She turned back and smiled shyly. “Yes.”

With Malfoy and Rookwood at their heels, they stepped down the path. The sunrise was red.
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The Redemption