Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Darkshines	By : anewname Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4601 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or these characters. I do not make any money off of this writing.

Chapter List
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“I've no regrets, just a need for change

With my head in the clouds

I promised not to come down”

TIN CUP PROPHETTE, “THE LIAR AND THE THIEF”
i
Harry spent most of the day sitting at a table in the kitchen of Grimmauld draining and refilling a glass of Firewhiskey as he thought over what he and Severus got up to the night before. Severus was not coming to see him; Harry had no delusions on that front. He knew very well he’d sit at that table until he could no longer stay awake, finally falling out on the couch (no energy or coordination left to climb the stairs), asleep until the middle of the following afternoon when he’d wake with deep shame and a pounding headache, wondering how he would talk himself out of dinner with Remus and Severus that night. It was a standard weekly engagement, proposed by Remus, established to keep Harry socialized while Ginny was away. Ron and Hermione being occupied with their own lives, Harry had grown apart from his friends somewhat. They still saw one another several times a month, but somehow Harry had allowed himself to drift away from everyone slightly since - much to Harry’s frustration - Ginny uprooted her whole life. He felt terrible that he was using her departure as an excuse, but it was at least a catalyst. Certainly anyone could accept that.
He looked around the room and briefly recalled the Order meetings . . . Sirius, Tonks, Dumbledore. His body tightened and Harry bemoaned his possession of the memory of Dumbledore’s murder. However well he understood why it happened, he still couldn’t think of it without going back to that place in his soul, back to that precise second that he’d never trust another person’s motives again. Back, even, to the moment he understood what it was for, why Severus did that terrible thing, yet still broken-hearted and untrusting. As he aged, he grew to desire closeness to Severus that felt more like a need to face his fears, and he was beginning to think that was the case. What they’d gotten themselves into just hours before required some degree of trust (or it had for Harry). Trust would be integral to the resolution to their debacle.
He cleared his throat and poured another glass of Firewhiskey. ‘. . . the resolution to their debacle.’
‘What might that be?’ Harry wondered. He pondered the possibilities, the obvious options: explore what’s beyond the door they opened or put a full stop to everything. If he was willing to even speak to Harry about it, Severus would prefer the latter. Harry, on the other hand . . ..
“Selfish,” he told himself aloud. “Selfish, childish. Irresponsible.”
On the wall hung pictures of happiness; his wedding to Ginny, her pregnancies, the children playing, going off to Hogwarts for the first time. Ron and Hermione, any and every Weasley known to man, Remus and Severus. “How much of that are you willing to destroy?” he mumbled to himself, annoyed.
He drained another glass of Firewhiskey and grabbed the bottle, pouring liberally.
“Thirsty?”
Harry looked up quickly from the glass. “Severus? Shit!” he mumbled as he glass ran over. He put the bottle down and locked eyes with Severus. “Have a seat,” Harry suggested, gesturing to the chair beside him. Severus chose to sit at the other end of the table. “Drink?”
“No.”
Harry summoned the marijuana, placing it in front of Severus. “Whatever you have to say, I think you can’t say it sober.”
Silently they sat for more than a few moments. Finally, Severus caved in and smoked. The silence continued for quite some time as Harry watched Severus gather his thoughts and breathe himself to confidence. Harry understood the desire to speak with a heart that isn’t racing. It was easier to be genuine.
It was more than half an hour before Severus spoke. “I don’t know what to say.” Harry took another swig of Firewhiskey, drinking slowing down considerably. “You’ve really had quite enough of that.” Harry stared into Severus’s eyes as he calmly recapped the bottle and slid his glass away. He chuckled when Harry held his hand out for the pipe. Severus handed it over and sighed. “Any idea why we can’t communicate like adults?”
“Because we never had an opportunity to be children.”
Severus laughed heartily. “Oh, believe me, you found plenty of time to behave like a child.” Harry chose to ignore the comment and instead study the lines of Severus’s face, the depth of thought in his eyes. Their evening was weighing heavily on him. “Well, regardless of why we can’t talk sober, we’re wasted now. . ..”
“‘Wasted?’” Harry asked. The word hardly worked with the rest of Severus’s vocabulary.
“Well and truly. So we’re in the best shape I suppose we will ever be in to discuss . . . what happened.”
Harry licked his lips and cleared his throat. “Before you have a chance to say anything horrible, I just want to tell you that I really enjoyed last night. And not simply for how lonely I am - and yes, I’m lonely. I’m miserably lonely, but I could find anyone to fool around with. I have no desire to, however. Which leads me to suspect that what I need isn’t merely sexual. Which then leads me to believe last night meant more to me than you can possibly imagine.”
Harry watched Severus’s Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed hard, betraying the lack of emotion his face portrayed. “Tell me what it meant to you.”
He hadn’t expected Severus to be willing to do more than tell him to forget anything had ever happened. Now he was worried the man might be on a mission to embarrass him, to make him ashamed of himself or his desires. But what difference did it make, he wondered? To no one else had he embarrassed himself as many times as Severus. What was once more in the name of heart? Harry frowned, unwilling to suffer just yet. “I thought about Dumbledore earlier.” The humor seemed to drain from Severus’s face. He summoned the pipe. “I’ve never been angrier with anyone, and I’ve had a lot of justifiable anger.”
“Haven’t we all?” Severus drawled.
Harry nodded. “How many have you killed?”
Severus sighed and answered quickly. “Thirteen.” Harry cringed and wondered how high Voldemort’s body count was. “I know. It’s completely disgusting and I wish I’d been left for dead.”
“People make mistakes.”
“These were no mistakes. This was one extremely grotesque error in judgment that led to the murders of thirteen people, to make no mention of the hundreds of murders my accomplishments enabled. And they weren’t just murders, my thirteen. Two simple murders, Dumbledore was one. The rest were slaughters, Potter. The things I was ordered to do to people . . . the apathy with which I approached each one . . .. I could torture without feeling a thing.”
“That’s your past. Everyone has forgiven you for the things you did. They don’t matter.”
“On the contrary, it matters more than anything. I swore off torture in my new life, and what happened last night was cruel and unusual punishment of our significant others.” Harry nodded his understanding. Severus shook his head. “This isn’t what you’re thinking. My swearing-off decision freed me from neither the willingness (obviously) or ease with which I perform.”
Harry stared at him, confused. “Meaning?”
“That I want to continue what we’ve begun.” Apparently, the alcohol hadn’t been strong enough to numb his to Severus’s words. At least not when it came to Severus wanting the same thing. That could only mean .. .. “So much.” Severus smoked. “You must’ve thought of Ginerva at some point,” Severus began, exhaling. “What conclusion did you come to regarding her?”
“I’d planned to carry on with you and hide it from her. Like anyone else would if they had the experience I had with you. But I understand that you want us to stop. And I understand why.”
“You can’t understand what it’s like to torture, kill or maim people without even a feeling of joy to accompany it. Nor do you know what it’s like to use those actions more or less to bed people who are extremely out of your league.”
Harry cocked his head in confusion. “It had to be more than that, Severus. In fact, I know it was.”
“And at the end of the day, I destroyed enough that I can never make up for it. Motivations (before and after) make no difference.” Severus sighed. “I didn’t come here to recall my actions as a Death Eater.”
“Then why are you talking about it?” Harry responded, a bit annoyed, but too intoxicated to really express it. Life is easier for a man who can be drunk and calm. Sober, he was too impassioned in such situations. Sober, he’d have Severus naked against a wall, one hand down the front of those crisp black slacks, the other, ripping buttons from Severus’s shirt.
“Because you need somehow to understand. It’s of vital importance that I make the changes I swore I’d make.”
Harry rolled his eyes hopelessly. “Even the most conservative of thinkers wouldn’t liken adultery to murder.”
“Those thinkers didn’t use their love to rescue someone who was standing on a cliff ready to end it all because he had nothing left to lose.”
Again, silence reigned as Harry considered that last remark. Remus was pondering suicide when he and Severus fell in love. This was highly out-of-character. But not unbelievable, considering Remus’s circumstances. “So you gave him something to lose.”
Severus nodded.
“And you’d like not to be the one who drives him back to the edge.”
“Yes,” Severus sighed. “This is tenuous, Potter. You can see how our shallow, selfish desires might not be better off fulfilled.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. You never do.”
Harry sank down into the chair feeling quite small, indeed.
“I must get home. Remus will wake soon. Someone will need to be there to remind him that someone will always be there.” Severus stood tiredly. Harry could feel Severus studying him as he walked over. His body tensed as Severus’s hand settled on his shoulder. He leaned down and kissed Harry too briefly, then laid his forehead against Harry’s, sighing again. “Until tomorrow . . ..”
Embarrassed, Harry couldn’t watch as Severus Flooed home.
ii

Dinner the following evening was painless. Remus didn’t bring up the subject to the evening before, perhaps a direct result of their conversation earlier that day.
“How was your evening?” Remus asked soon after he woke.
“It was a good time. I’m not terribly inclined to repeat it.”
“Why not? If you had fun, you two should spend more time together.”
“I didn’t say I had fun, I said it was a good time. Two hands are insufficient to count the number of good times I’ve had that were no fun at all.” Remus dropped the subject completely. He was, however, determined to manipulate the situation in whatever way he could. He made this clear before he departed early for bed.
“Tomorrow is my make-up day,” Remus said, stifling a yawn. “Fourteen hours and only ten hours until it begins. Unfortunately, I’ll have to call it an evening.”
“We’ve barely had any time to talk,” Harry complained. “I was hoping to . . ..” Harry trailed off and looked over at Severus. “Well, I really wanted to spend some time with you. Have a real conversation, one like we haven’t had in awhile.”
As Severus stared daggers at Harry, Remus assumed a smile of warm heart. “Harry . . ..” Remus began softly. “It isn’t as though we won’t see one other again soon.”
Harry nodded. “Right. It can wait. Of course.” He licked his lips. “I suppose I’ll head back to the house, then.”
“Nonsense,” Remus said quickly. “You haven’t anything to do until three tomorrow afternoon.”
“How in the world do you know my schedule?” Harry asked.
“Magic,” Remus replied with a grin. Harry chuckled. “Hermione mentioned it to me earlier. Don’t spend the evening alone on account of me. You don’t mind, do you, Severus?”
Severus was unimpressed with Remus’s successful manipulation of his behavior. Extremely unimpressed. He parted his pursed lips and released his tight jaw. “That would be fine. If that’s what Mr. Potter would like.” Severus turned his head to Harry, every inch of his face warning him against agreeing. Remus’s insistence apparently trumped Severus’s threat.
“I’ll stay for awhile, then.”
Remus smiled and went to Harry. He kissed him on the head. “Wonderful. Severus?” Remus said, walking toward him. Severus remained seated in his chair. Remus leaned down and kissed him. “Just enjoy yourself,” he whispered. “You have so much in common now. Just give him a chance.”
Severus wanted to ask Remus what the hell he was talking about. Yes, Potter had read a few books over the past year or so and could comprehend and discuss them. Yes, his intellectuality had improved considerably in recent years. This was no reason for Remus to suddenly want to force a bloody friendship on him! He wanted to push Remus back, to stand up and demand he stop his goading and mind his own business, but he knew he had only himself to blame for this. Remus had been pushing him for months to get out of the house. “I’m not even asking you to spend time with people. I just want you to go outside.”
He sighed. He should’ve just gone on a fucking picnic or something.
“Fine.”
Remus stood back up and ran his hand across Severus’s cheek. “I love you,” he said softly.
“You, too,” Severus replied uncomfortably. Remus knew he’d get nothing more in the presence of another.
“Goodnight, Harry.”
“Goodnight, Remus.”
Severus and Harry both watched Remus leave and kept an eye on the hallway for just a few moments after. Severus looked back to Harry, whose eyes followed close behind. “Severus, we have to talk about this,” Harry said desperately.
Severus brought his finger to his mouth quickly. “I won, Potter, fair and square,” he said loud enough that his voice would carry. “If you’d like, I can follow you to Grimmauld and teach you the rules of chess. Perhaps that would put an end to this?”
“Um, yes?” Harry replied. Severus rolled his eyes. “No.” Severus’s face fell to his palm. “I mean - how about a rematch?”
‘Eureka!’ Severus mouthed, throwing his hands up in celebration. Harry frowned. “Fine. A rematch. You may not appreciate this as a learning experience, but I certainly will be enjoying the teaching moment.”
“Twice in one week?!” Severus shouted at Harry as he walked from the Floo.
Harry threw his hands up innocently. “You’re the one who brought me back here!”
“I’m talking about dinner, you dimwit.”
“Really? ‘Dimwit?’” Harry asked. “What did you want me to do? It was just bloody dinner.”
“You don’t have dinner with a man whose partner you’ve just gotten off with. It’s poor form.”
“Define just for me, please.”
Severus was becoming truly annoyed. “Let us instead find separate rooms -- or better yet, you can go home -- and I’ll sleep while you do . . . whatever the hell it is that you do.”
Harry folded his arms over his chest. “You know what? No. I refuse to be kicked off of my own property.”
“I’ve attempted to kick you nowhere, Potter, that was merely a suggestion. You’ll recall I also suggested you pick a room. I don’t begrudge you the space.”
“I want to talk to you,” Harry insisted.
“Why?” Severus groaned. “I mean it when I tell you we’ve had all the conversation we’re going to on this matter.”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Then what do you want to talk about?”
“You.” Severus stared at Harry, who summoned his pipe.
“Potter . . ..”
“You don’t have to partake. This is just to keep me from drinking.” He waited patiently while Harry smoked. When he was done, he offered the pipe to Severus, who held up his hand. “Suit yourself. Keep in mind we’re going to be here for awhile. And keep in mind I wasn’t the one who brought up bloody chess as an excuse.” He snatched the pipe from Harry and sat heavily down on the sofa. Harry followed. He took a long hit of the pipe, somehow as surprised and pleased by Neville’s product as he was the last time he smoked.
“You’re a terrible bloody influence,” Severus said. “A trait inherited from your father, I’m sure.”
Harry chuckled. “I have a feeling my father wouldn’t be smoking this.”
“You had no trouble believing Remus smokes,” Severus reminded him.
“Sirius’s influence, I imagine. I’m not convinced Sirius could’ve convinced my dad.”
Harry was spot-on; Sirius’s influence was everything to do with Remus’s willingness to do such things. Sirius merely had no qualms with the practice (as was always the case for Severus), but Remus had his reservations. And as Remus told the story, James never did cave. “Sirius was responsible for so much that is ridiculous about Remus.”
Harry laughed. “Ridiculous?”
Severus’s eyebrows raised. “Extremely ridiculous.” Severus smoked more before he handed the pipe back to Harry.
“Is Remus the only other man you’ve been with?”
Severus couldn’t help but look at Harry as though he were insane. “Why is that a question I should want to answer for you?”
“I suppose it isn’t, really. It’s just one I’m interested to have answered.”
Harry’s question was . . . definitely interesting. He’d only ever discussed the topic with Remus, and then it was only a brief exchange. Remus tolerated Severus’s unwillingness to give up certain pieces of information quite well. Somehow he managed to grant Severus a profound degree of privacy which few significant others would be willing to consider. That was trust. Severus knew he didn’t deserve trust anymore. He wasn’t sure he ever did. But he did trust Remus. And, having to keep a secret like the one he had to keep with Harry, he reckoned he could trust him, too. “No. He missed that by a considerable distance.”
Harry was visibly surprised at that response. “I think you just called yourself a slut.”
“A slut for awhile, but a commodity, mostly.” Harry adjusted uncomfortably. “Relax, Potter, I’m over it. What about you? You certainly seemed to have an idea of what you like.”
“Toys.” Severus raised an eyebrow. “I’m alone a lot.” Severus nodded his understanding. “So who was your first?”
“Lucius Malfoy.”
“I’m not surprised by that,” Harry shot back quickly.
“Aren’t you?”
“Not at all. I’ll bet it went on a long time, too.”
“It did. Years.” Severus was quite surprised by Harry’s observations.
“That confirms the rumors.”
Severus laughed. Harry was proving cleverer by the moment. “Something’s telling me I don’t have to worry about you confirming that one.”
Harry shrugged. “I suppose I could use it to blackmail you for sex.”
“Very funny,” Severus said, looking away, humor still generally unaffected. “I expect you’ve only ever been with Ginerva?” Harry nodded, breath held. “Hm.” It was hard to imagine what making it past thirty with only one sexual partner might be like. He certainly wasn’t going to ask. Such an inquiry could open doors to any number of unnecessary questions. He did have one bit of curiosity he couldn’t help but entertain. “So, do you prefer men or women?”
Harry smiled. “I prefer you to Ginny.”
“That isn’t the question I asked.”
“It’s the question you wanted to ask. Obviously.”
Severus sighed. Perhaps it was obvious. “I’ll admit, I’m curious . . .. What do you prefer about men?”
Harry’s grin turned evil for the briefest of moments as he stood. “I like the way your breath smells.”
“Potter,” Severus warned.
Harry began walking toward him. “I like the way your hair feels between my fingers. I like the way your cock feels in my hand.” Severus bit his lip. Harry leaned down beside his ear. “I like the way your sweat smells when it’s mixed with mine. I like the way our bodies slide together in the heat. I like the way you taste.” Severus shuddered. “There you go,” Harry whispered breathlessly in Severus’s ear.
Severus turned to Harry and pulled him close, their mouths crashing together. The kiss was deep - deeper than any Severus had ever known. He wrapped his arms tightly around Harry, who pulled him up from the chair and tucked his fingers into Severus’s hair. Harry moaned and broke apart their kiss. “So soft,” he whispered as he took Severus’s bottom lip between his own. He ran his tongue along it gently as they parted.
Severus stared at Harry for a few seconds, a million thoughts rushing around at the edges of his mind, but not one making it to the forefront. All he knew was that he would arrive home tomorrow feeling very, very guilty.
That resolved, he began unbuttoning his shirt. Harry followed shortly thereafter, throwing his clothes in a pile on the floor as Severus draped his own over a chair. Their bodies were flush together, Severus’s palm resting on Harry’s cheek as he owned Harry’s mouth. Erect penises bounced together. Severus grasped them in his hand and stroked them together while Harry’s hand traveled up to his nipple and tweaked. Severus moaned and Harry smiled into their kiss.
He spun Harry around and pushed him up against the table. Harry jumped up onto it, allowing Severus to steer him onto his side. He parted his legs and Severus spit into his hand and lubed up his cock. He held Harry’s legs apart as he pushed past the tight hole. Harry groaned and dug his fingernails into Severus’s side. Severus thrust into him completely, garnering a sharp yelp followed by a long, relieved moan. His hips made circles as he stretched Harry’s hole. “Fuck me Severus,” Harry demanded. Severus saw no need to deny him such a request.
In and out he thrust, Harry’s cock bouncing in time with each thrust. He ran the palm of his hand down Harry’s chest, barely realizing that he was slowing down. Tips of his fingers brushing Harry’s thighs, Severus closed his eyes and ground his hips slowly against Harry. Harry whined as he ran his fingers over Severus’s thighs. Harry opened his legs wider and rested a foot on Severus’s shoulder. His eyes were still closed as Harry’s leg brushed against his cheek. He opened them directly onto Harry’s. He might as well have fallen into them. He reached up and pulled Harry closer to hm. “I want to see your face,” he said as he placed his hands on either side of Harry’s head. Harry whimpered as Severus grinded against him slowly. “You are a beautiful man,” Severus whispered. “Your black hair, your green eyes. These strong arms,” he said, running his fingers gently up and down them. “This sculpted chest.” He put his palm flat on Harry’s chest. “The heart that beats beneath it. So much to give.” Never before had he spoken so candidly, so honestly, to anyone. “I want to be in there,” Severus said, his hand over Harry’s heart.
“You are, Severus,” Harry moaned. “No one’s ever filled it so fully.”
Severus leaned closer and Harry wrapped his arms around him. Harry’s whimpers continued as they stared at one another, Severus inexplicably on the verge of tears. He leaned down and pulled Harry to him, kissing him deeply. In the moment, he somehow noticed he’d never been this physically close to anyone before. They just couldn’t get close enough. Harry was bent in half, body tight against Severus and clinging desperately. They rocked together as Severus savored every bit of Harry’s tongue. They both had handfuls of sweaty hair, both lightheaded for lack of oxygen.
Severus sat up and threw Harry’s leg over to the other side. Harry wrapped them tightly around him as Severus assumed his position deep within Harry. As the tip of his cock tapped against Harry’s prostate, the legs around him tightened and Harry grabbed the skin on Severus’s shoulders, squeezing, toes tightly curled. “Stay there,” Harry begged breathlessly. Severus obliged, hips rolling in circles as Harry kneaded his arms and shoulders. Harry’s whimpers turned to whines. “Mm, yes . . .,” he called out, “Oh, Merlin, yes, Severus. Yes,” Harry moaned with more appreciation than Severus imagined the man was capable.
Harry’s breath caught twice in his throat and his hips bucked as he ejaculated onto his chest. Severus threw his head back and spend up again, fucking Harry harder and finding he wasn’t ready to go yet. “Can you come for me, Severus?”
Severus moaned. “More,” he groaned.
“More,” Harry whispered back. “Mmmore,” he said again, pulling Severus tightly against him again. His cock was already stiffening. Severus grinned proudly and began grinding against Harry’s prostate again. “I love the way your cock feels inside of me.” Severus’s teeth ground together. “I love it when you fuck me deep.”
“Harry,” Severus called out. “More, Harry.”
“I’ve wanted this for so long. Mmm, yes. That cock of yours. So thick. I thought about it last night. I wanked over it last night.”
“Oh, yes . . ..”
“More than once.” Severus whimpered. “I thought about the way it felt, stretching my hole. And I - “ Harry gasped as Severus’s cock began making constant contact with his prostate. “I got out my toys. And stretched my hole.” Severus was nearly there. “I used two of my butt plugs at once stretching it out.” Severus reached down and took Harry’s cock in his hand, wanking him quickly as he fucked Harry. He looked down onto Harry’s face and bit his lip as he thrust fast and deep into him. As Harry’s ejaculate sprayed over Severus’s hands, Severus groaned. He brought the hand to his mouth and licked some it clean, Harry moaning as he watched him.
“Ohhh, yes, Harry!” Severus ground out as he came inside of him. He continued thrusting as he spurted, milking himself dry, wanting and needing to stay inside of Harry as long as possible. Finally, he collapsed on Harry’s chest.
Harry chuckled as he ran his fingertips up and down Severus’s back. Severus panted, exhausted.
Harry sighed after a few moments. “You know, this is just going to keep happening if we --”
“That’s the idea.”
Severus could imagine the questions that must have been brewing before Harry spoke again. “So we’re . . . this thing . . . it’s on?” he asked hopefully.
Severus took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to think of Remus but finding he kept coming back to the feel of Harry’s arms wrapped around him. “It is, indeed, ‘on,’” Severus confirmed. Harry grinned. “Now come. I need a shower and you’re . . . pretty dirty yourself.”
Harry followed Severus eagerly into the bathroom and turned on the water, running his hands up and down Severus’s chest as they waited on the water to heat up. In the shower, they kissed, made love, then cleaned up and settled down for the night in the master bedroom.
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Darkshines