Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I just wanted to ask	By : evil-minded Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 31281 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 11
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character from it, Rowling does … I do not make any money out of Harry Potter either, again – Rowling does … I however do own Herbaceous VanHarkins – but I don’t make money of him also … :D …

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
Author's Notes:

Uhm … ok … I have to admit … English is not my language by birth … so … please do not kill me while reading … neither for the bad English I use, nor for what I am writing …

And yes, I really would appreciate it, if you would honor my work with a short review as I always will honor your comments with an answer … answers to reviews you have given or the chance to discuss the story you can find here: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/34437-review-replies-for-i-just-wanted-to-ask/

Warning:

Story contains references to child abuse:

Child abuse is a really serious thing, it is an evil thing and there are a lot of children in our world that really would need help without being helped, and closing our eyes and pretending it does not exist – is no solution … handle people, children as well as adults, which are showing any signs – whichever – of once being abused … with understanding and with help …

what does not mean I am not as evil as I pretend to be … ^.~ … believe me – I am …

Story contains adult stuff:

Especially sex between two men … as there is Harry Potter – a male – having sex with Severus Snape – another male … what means those gay things … not to mention that the relationship between the two of them is one based on BDSM …

Don't like it, don't read it …

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Previously in I just wanted to ask

Gritting his teeth in frustration he grabbed his bath bag and went towards the showers. He would go to bed and he would sleep. Tomorrow he would feel better. And then he could sort out whatever he felt. He just was stupid, nothing more.

I just wanted to ask

Chapter three

Sex in general

The next day came much too quickly for Harry, and he felt quite ill. He had gotten a complete idiot out of himself the evening before. How could he have been so stupid as to ask Snape about this in the first place? And why in Merlin's name had Snape agreed to this? It just wasn't quite like Snape to do such a thing!

He had gotten from pale to red-faced like a tomato and then back to pale – or the other way round, it wasn't really important which color his face had been in the first place.

He had stuttered and he had stammered, and he hadn't been able to utter a complete coherent sentence.

Thus – he really felt quite ill the entire day at the thought of a continuation of this all and it got worse by every hour that went by.

During breakfast he wasn't even able to cast just one glance at the head table, knowing that Snape sat there, knowing that the man would be sneering at him, or that he would get a loathing gaze and he was quite glad that he never ate anything during breakfast. He wouldn't have been able to stomach anything. He felt quite ill.

During his morning lessons he wasn't able to really concentrate onto his work and he accidentally had transfigured Professor McGonagall's robes into a curtain. Well, he had been lucky and he hadn't gotten himself into detention. But Professor McGonagall nevertheless had not been pleased with him.

Lunch he had skipped completely – well, ok, that was normal. He mostly spent his time in the library during lunch, searching for anything that would help him pass time. He just didn't want to sit in the great hall, knowing that Ron and Hermione were there, bickering, annoyed at each other and using him as an excuse for not having to talk to each other.

And during his afternoon lessons he wasn't able to concentrate at all, causing Hermione to look at him curiously every few minutes and causing Ron to make inquisitive comment after inquisitive comment. He just was glad that it was defense they had this afternoon. He surely would have messed up with a more difficult lesson – like potions for example.

Well – and from there on it only got worse by each hour that passed until his stomach cramped painfully.

Soon it would be time. Soon it would be eight. Soon he would have to go down to the dungeons. Soon he would have to face Snape for … uargh …

Snape had said something about fear and he shuddered, not for the first time today.

He really had quite enough fear in his life. He didn't need the fear of a partner, or a relationship, or whatever added to what he had to deal with normally.

But he really wasn't interested in girls at all.

So, what to do? Could he really dare to ask Snape? To ask him if he had been serious? To ask him what kind of relationship he had meant?

Could he ask him what fear had to do with sex? And why anyone would want to feel fear during sex in the first place? What exactly Snape could have meant with that? And why Snape was so sure that a boy was the right choice for him? And why Snape was so sure that he needed someone who was a few years older than him?

Of course he knew that a boy his own age was not that what he needed, not what he wanted, that he would not be happy with a boy his age, that he was far ahead of his classmates. He would need someone who was older than him. But why thought Snape that someone his own age wouldn't fit? That he would end up with someone a few years older?

Shuffling his way along towards the dungeons he felt his insides squirm. He really didn't want to continue this conversation. On the other hand, he really wanted to know more. He really wanted to have answers to his questions that ran through his mind. Nevertheless he nearly trembled when he knocked at the door to Snape's office.

The immediate "enter" coming from the inside didn't really help him either. On the contrary. It made him just the more nervous and he felt his insides squirm and cramp even more. Snape really was there, present. For a moment he had hoped that the Potions Master wouldn't be there. Yet – it would have been the first time. If Snape placed an appointment, never mind if it was detention or a lesson, then he was present at the required time.

So – Harry entered the office with a feeling of dread and yet – anticipation.

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"Good evening, Mr. Potter." Snape greeted when Potter entered. Yet – the boy just inclined his head in what seemed to be meant as a greeting, and he seemed to be as nervous as he had been the evenings before. If not even more nervous he thought. "Sit." He said, noticing that Potter hadn't taken the seat that was empty across the table. Well, he had transfigured the chair that normally stood there into a comfortable armchair. As he had done with his own chair. He also had transfigured the desk into a coffee-table and all in all the strange look of his office might have startled Potter.

"I thought this might be a bit more comfortable for the direction our conversation might take tonight." He explained. "Did you think about what I explained yesterday, Mr. Potter?"

"Uhm …" The boy made, as eloquent as the night before and Snape already began to get annoyed.

"In words I actually might detect as human language, if you please." He drawled.

"Well, yes." Potter finally answered. "I have … thought about it, sir. And I guess … well I do not want to have … well, a relationship with another boy."

"Why might that be, if I may ask?" Snape inquired, quite confused. Potter had sounded sure about it the evening before. He had been sure.

"Well, you mentioned … something … like … fear, sir." Potter answered. "But … I don't want to feel … fear. I mean, where is the point in … why should anyone want to feel fear?"

"You might have a point, Mr. Potter." Snape answered, grinning inwardly while he kept his cold mask outwardly. He had to admit he enjoyed it, seeing the teenager squirm. That exactly it was, what he had meant, and somehow he knew that Potter would learn it soon. He just pitied the one who would teach the boy. On the other hand – if watching the boy squirming, maybe the one who would teach him were more lucky than he thought now. "Yet, you have to know that there is a difference between fear and fear, Mr. Potter."

"I am sorry, sir." Potter said and he really looked apologetic. "But I do not believe this. Sorry sir."

Snape nodded. Of course Potter didn't believe it. No one who never had felt this kind of fear, of anticipation, of whatever you would call it – no one would ever be able to believe it.

"Let me ask you a question, Mr. Potter." He finally said, his dark eyes fixing the boy in front of him. "Yesterday evening, you fled this office. Did you really want to come back tonight?"

"No, not really." Potter answered after a few seconds of hesitation.

"Why not?" Snape asked, quite glad that this time Potter at least partook in the conversation.

"Don't know. Sir." Potter mumbled and Snape lifted his left eyebrow.

"Then think about it, Mr. Potter. What exactly could have been the reason so that did you not want to come back tonight?" He asked.

There was no answer to his question and Snape again lifted his eyebrow. Of course he knew the answer. But he wanted Potter to give it to him. He wanted Potter to speak it out aloud. If he was right, then Potter would have to get used to speaking about such.

"An answer if you please, Potter." He said and his voice left no space for sidestepping this. He made clear that he demanded an answer.

"Because … I … I feared this conversation." Potter mumbled after a few more moments.

"I knew you feared this conversation." Snape nodded. "Yet, I also knew that you would come back. What you quite did. Why?"

Again there was a pause during which Potter's gaze wandered towards the ground.

"An answer, if you please, Mr. Potter. And you might look at me during a conversation too. If you do wish to speak towards the floor, then you might do this in your common room, but not in my presence."

Potter really looked up at him – for nearly three seconds before he flushed and his gaze went back towards the floor.

"Because I wanted to finish this conversation." He finally answered. "Because I wanted to know more."

"So, you wanted to know more and thus you came back. Even if you feared a continuation of this conversation. What kind of fear was it? Was it a really unpleasant fear? Or was it acceptable?"

"I don't know, sir." Potter mumbled.

"Then think about it, Mr. Potter." Snape said, his voice soft and gentle and Harry looked up at him, nearly startled. Snape sounding gentle, that surely meant danger. The man just wasn't able to speak gently.

"I really don't know, sir. I'm not really sure about it. But I guess, it was not really too unpleasant."

"I guessed as much." Snape answered, again with this soft and gentle voice. "Do you see what exactly I mean, Mr. Potter?"

"I guess." Potter mumbled – again towards the floor.

"You might address me, Mr. Potter, instead of the floor." Snape repeated in a growl and he waited until Potter looked back at him before he continued. "This anticipation, this kind of 'fear' you felt, this it is what I meant. No one forced you to. It had been your own free will, your own choice, your own decision. You have this kind of 'fear' in your own hands."

"But why?" Potter asked. "Why this kind of 'fear'? I don't understand what this kind of 'fear' has to do with a relationship. Or – well – you know."

"I know what, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked, lifting his eyebrow.

"Uhm … well …" Potter made, and Snape soon noticed that it had been a mistake trying to force the teen using the word 'sex' - it just was fruitless and he got nothing more out of Potter. Just as the night before and he sighed.

"You shouldn't throw the idea of a relationship with the same gender away, just because you fear – feeling." Snape explained, fixing the teenager with a stern gaze of his dark eyes. "And nothing more it is, Mr. Potter. You might have feelings, as every human being has. But you actually have to allow yourself to feel them. And you, no one else but you alone, have them in your own hand. You can live a life that is easy and calm, feeling slight fear here and feeling slight joy every now and then. But on the other hand you can live a life that is passionate. And then those feelings will not only be slightly present. Then you will feel them with such a power, they will wash over you until you are about to drown in them. But for those occasions you have your partner who cares for you and who will keep you at the surface. That it is, what I mentioned yesterday, Mr. Potter. Such kind of a relationship you cannot have with any person. You need to find the right one. Let me try to explain some differences to you."

He drew his wand and with a flick of it he had a tray with tea placed on the small table between them which he had ordered earlier from the kitchens. Pouring tea into both cups and reaching one towards Potter. He then leaned back, his cup in his hands as if to warm them. Potter did the same with his cup, he noticed.

"You may know that there are different ways to practice sex." Snape finally said, noticing the blush on Potter's face deepening. "Some might tend to light sex, 'vanilla sex' as the muggles call it. What means nothing more than a bit contact of skin here and there, kissing, maybe even nibbling at an ear or the partner's neck – and then the actual sexual act. It is nothing more than actually lovemaking. This definitely can fill an entire night. And it definitely can be very sensual. But it isn't the right thing for everyone. It is – just light. There is no fun in it, no change of settings, no real excitement, and no anticipation, no passion. There is nothing than – just sex."

Wouldn't he be Severus Snape who never laughed, then he would have laughed at Potter just now. The boy would have tried to hide somewhere underneath the floor, if he just would have been able to and he shook his head.

"Well, do you want further explanation on this special subject?" He asked.

Potter shook his head after a second or two, casting a short glance at him and he lifted his eyebrow. He had thought as much.

"So, what exactly do you want to know? You said you wanted to know more. What exactly do you want me to explain, Mr. Potter?"

There was a long pause in which the boy didn't answer, actually, one minute ran into the next one and then into a third. But Snape didn't step back to give the boy a chance of escaping. He waited. Even if he was no patient man in general, he sometimes could be very patient. And this was one of those sometimes. He could be a very, very patient man when it came to sex, Lily even had cursed him sometimes for this and for a moment his eyes softened at the thought of Lily.

"About … about what you mentioned … yesterday." Potter finally said and Snape had to suppress an amused grin. It was their third conversation now and still the boy was uncomfortable with the situation to no end.

"Actually I did mention a lot of things yesterday, Mr. Potter. What exactly do you refer to?" Snape asked, his voice still firm, not allowing a sidestep, but gentle with the afterglow of thoughts about the only woman he ever had loved.

Again there was no answer for at least two or three minutes and Snape again waited patiently. He snorted inwardly. He! Being patient with Potter! That was quite a first one.

"Well … about … well, you said … I surely would end up … well, with … you know …" Potter finally mumbled, not finishing his sentence, but Snape did not take the hint. Of course he knew what Potter meant, but he just lifted his eyebrow at him, questioningly, enjoying the uncomfortable squirming the teenager displayed.

"I know what?" He asked when it was clear that Potter wouldn't go on with his question.

"Well, you said … I would end up … with someone the same … gender." Potter finally managed to finish his sentence. "And someone older than me. Why?"

"As you are not the type to dominate your partner, even if this partner would be a girl, and as you – I take it from the hesitation you displayed yesterday – would not be comfortable being dominated by a girl either, there is only one possibility left. Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Potter?"

"I guess." Potter murmured, just before he ran his hand over his face. "Just another thing that makes me weak." He added in a whisper that was not meant for Snape to hear. He did nevertheless, and he frowned.

"Being the submissive part in a BDSM relationship doesn't make you weak, Mr. Potter." He said and he would have been amused by the startled look Potter gave him, would the subject not have been a serious one. "On the contrary, sometimes it is the submissive Partner that might be even stronger than the dominant while at the same time being the dominant part in this relationship on the other hand doesn't make your partner strong either. Nor does it place your partner above you. Both partners, never mind which role they overtake during their interactions, are equals. Neither is above the other. Answer me a question, Mr. Potter. Would you think an auror to be weak?"

"Well, there are quite a few idiots amongst them." Potter answered and this time Snape really had to suppress a laugh. The boy had quite a point.

"Indeed." He answered. "You are quite right. Nevertheless, even the idiots amongst them surely are not weak. Otherwise they would not have managed to absolve the auror program. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I don't know, sir. I do not know the auror program, but, I guess you might be right."

"I do know the program. And thus I know that they cannot be weak if they are capable of absolving it. Nevertheless I know of at least one auror who actually is overtaking the submissive part in a BDSM relationship. What is displayed by you and your partner during sexual interactions, has nothing to do with your all day life. Even a cretin like Wormtail would be able to be a dominant part in such if he had the wit to learn it – and if anyone would have him."

For a moment Potter actually tried to smile. Yet, it rather came out as a grimace and again Snape frowned.

"What is it, Potter?" He asked. But no answer came beside of the fact that again Potter averted his eyes and it downed on him. "You are Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. You surely could have everyone."

This time Potter really laughed. But it was an angry laugh. "Of course. Every one wants to have the famous Harry Potter. Even Hermione and Ron. They wouldn't be befriending me if I were just Harry. But that is not what I want. But I cannot have what I want, because no one would want just Harry." He said in an angry voice and got to his feet, ready to storm out of the office.

"Sit!" Snape commanded, his voice sharp. Something had just made 'click' in his head, he just couldn't put a name to it.

The boy cast an angry gaze at him before he sighed, defeated, and then sat back into the armchair.

"Sorry." He mumbled and Snape sighed. For a moment he had seen something in the boy that was the real Potter. Not James Potter, surely not. But Harry Potter. Or – Harry. For a moment he had voiced what exactly he wanted. And for a moment he had gotten angry. Well, before he had gone back to this masked Harry Potter who didn't allow himself to feel. Or to display his feelings.

Yes, something had been quite familiar. He knew it. He just couldn't name it.

"If you want to be just Harry, and not the famous Harry Potter, then maybe you should say so to your friends." He said. That it was. Part of it at least.

So, Potter didn't want the fame. Yet – he should have known it. He didn't act like his father had. And his father hadn't been famous to begin with. This boy was a rather calm and silent young man. He got into quite a lot of trouble, yes, but somehow, if he was honest with himself, he had to admit that mostly trouble found Potter and not the other way round.

"As if they would listen to this. And besides, it wouldn't change anything anyway." Potter said.

"No, it wouldn't change anything. You still would be the same person. You could stand in front of the great hall tomorrow evening during dinner and tell the entire student body that you are not the famous Harry Potter but just Harry and it wouldn't change anything. You are who you are. You would not be able to change what they see in you. But you can change what others display towards you if you tell them that you do not like it, if you tell them what you want."

"They already know. Hermione and Ron at least. And nevertheless they act as if they were the best friends of the greatest hero on earth. They do not care about me, just about the Boy Who Lived." Potter answered with a sneer Snape would have been proud of if they would get along better than they actually did.

"I see." The Potions Master nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Well, then there is no other way than to either confront them, or to ignore it."

The boy didn't give him an answer to this and he watched him for a while. The angry expression on his face had changed into a defeated one and he wondered why. Any other teenager would have thrown a fit, would have ranted at the best. But Potter didn't do so and he wondered why.

The boy capitulated quite too quickly.

"What do you fear would happen if you confronted Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley?" He asked, lifting his eyebrow in curiosity.

"Well, nothing would happen, sir." The boy answered after a few moments in which he actually seemed to think about the situation. "They would apologize, I would accept it, and then they would go back to their normal behavior."

"I see." Snape said, a thoughtful look on his face. So, Granger and Weasley were just abusing the friendship with Potter. They were his friends, but just because he was famous. Even if he hated this little fact. And there was nothing Potter actually could do against it. Well, in some way the boy might have been quite right, last year. It just wasn't fair. Yet, he knew that life never was fair. And he guessed that Potter knew this by himself.

"Maybe you could show them your disappointment with actions, Mr. Potter?" He asked.

"With actions?" The boy looked at him thoughtfully, but then he shook his head the moment he understood what Snape meant. "No, sir." He then answered. "No. I don't want to loose them. They are the only friends I have. Every other one thinks I'm a freak, because I can speak to snakes. Some of them even still think I would be the hair of Slytherin. And some think I killed Cederic. And others think it was my fault that Voldie is back."

For a few moments Snape coughed at the sip of tea he had taken and he tried to get back his composure. Then he cast a shocked look towards Potter.

"I beg your pardon?" He asked.

"Well … uhm …" Potter made, blinking in confusion. "Well, I said, that I would not want to loose …"

"No, Mr. Potter." Snape lifted his eyebrow at the teenager. "I mean the part about the Dark Lord. What exactly did you call him?"

"Well … uhm … Voldie?" Potter answered, but it sounded more like a question.

"You better do not call him this if you ever should have the misfortune of standing in front of him, Mr. Potter." Snape said and his voice was calm again with a hint of seriousness and he pierced Potter with his dark eyes. "He would not be pleased."

"Well, I guess I will have the misfortune of standing in front of him one day, as it seems." Potter growled darkly. "And I guess he surely will not be pleased then, never mind what I do or call him then, sir."

"You might be quite right, Mr. Potter." Snape shook his head, not knowing if he should be amused or worried. "Yet, when this will happen, then you better keep him as pleased as possible and as long as you can in order to play for time. The more assured he feels, the more likely he will make a mistake. He is just too confident in himself. The more so if he is pleased. That is his weak spot and you should use this weakness of him to your opportunity."

For a moment he wondered how they had come from talking about sex to talking about the bastard that was the Dark Lord. But then another thought hit him. He actually had a civil conversation with Potter. And what was even more remarkable, he enjoyed this conversation. He actually enjoyed a conversation with Harry Bloody Potter. That was …

How had he managed this?

"May I ask a question, sir?" Harry asked, his tone of voice quite carefully and even his eyes were watching him warily. Snape narrowed his eyes at the teen.

"You already did ask one. But yes, you may ask your question." He said, slightly impressed that Potter was able to difference between the words 'can' that three quarter of the student body used and 'may' that he taught his Slytherins to use when asking a question in which this word actually was required.

"Do you know how we managed to … well … have a civil conversation?" The boy asked, still watching him warily and for a moment Snape even could catch something like fear in those green eyes. He sighed.

"Actually, no, Mr. Potter. I do not have an explanation for this impressive occurrence." He answered. "However, I guess there was something else on your mind which you wanted to know earlier, before we - somehow - changed the subject and - managed to have a civil conversation." He then added, eliciting a frustrated groan from the boy.

"Uhm … well … yes …" Potter made and Snape nearly sighed. So, they were back to stammering. He had hoped that the boy would have overcome his shyness after a conversation in which he partook. Apparently he had not.

"You did not want to know any more about common sexual practices." He helped out. "So I guess you wanted to know more about …?"

"Uhm … well … about … well … this BDSM thing … I guess." Potter mumbled and for a moment the Potions Master was tempted to ask him to repeat his answer clearly. Yet, the teen had answered his question and he didn't want to push too much – so he let it slip, for now.

"I guessed as much." He said, pausing a moment to consider how to proceed. "However, we would not be able to cover this subject tonight anyway, but I wanted to come back to our original conversation to give you a few things to think about until tomorrow evening." This time Potter didn't look so startled and horrified at the thought that he actually had to come back to continue this conversation as he had been yesterday evening.

"I already told you that there were those who preferred common sexual practices. And that they definitely might be pleasant as well, in their own way. But those common sexual practices are not the right thing for everyone. Some might want a bit more than just – sex. And those people are practicing SM, or BDSM."

Well, they really seemed to be back to where they had been earlier as there was no answer from Potter besides of a nod. Yet – from the nearly startled look he gave him, he didn't really know much about it. Maybe just a few things he had heard and he wondered about how much Potter had heard, how much he knew and how much of what he had heard actually was true.

"You might be startled at this now. And you might be right in some way, Mr. Potter." He continued. "Be warned. With the wrong person it can be something very dangerous and surely will end disastrous, mind this words and never forget them. It is important if you want to consider this kind of a relationship. But with the right person on the other hand it is something very special and something very intimate. Even if it is not easy to find someone trustworthy with whom you actually could play really safely."

He looked at Potter with his dark eyes, fixing him with his piercing gaze until he had a nod from the boy. He nodded himself before he continued. "Well, if you try such, then remember. There are two lines. The first line is about trust, honesty and communication. And the second line is about sane, safe and consensual. Those lines are the poles of the construction that is called BDSM. I want you to think about this until tomorrow evening. Eight o'clock, this office."

Potter nodded before he got to his feet and he even managed a murmured "Good night, Professor". Snape was quite impressed at that fact and he inclined his head towards the teen.

"Good night, Mr. Potter." He answered, watching the boy leaving his office and he frowned. Not for the first time this evening. He wondered if – yet again – the teenager would be afraid of a continuation of this conversation.

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Well, Potter really was shy beyond limits when it came to the subject of sexuality and his stuttering and murmuring was unnerving. But otherwise … it still was better than the giggling the girls he sometimes had sitting in his office for giving them 'the talk' gave away, and it still was better than the stupid grin the boys displayed. Even if 'the talk' he normally gave his students never went into this direction. And – he had quite learned a few new sides on the boy.

Potter did not only hate the fact that he was famous, for example. On the contrary to his father who would have loved it. But he also had quite a sense of humor. Calling the bastard Voldie. Again Snape shook his head and now that he was alone in his office he allowed himself to chuckle at the nickname Potter had given the madman. He better never allowed himself a slip of his tongue when he was in the bastard's presence. Again he chuckled. Maybe it would be worth it, just to see his face then.

But well, no. He really wasn't suicidal.

Well, Potter at least had a nerve, he had to admit this.

But he didn't like the unsure behavior the boy displayed. And he could tell that Harry was not just unsure concerning sex, nor concerning himself, that he was not only unaware of his body and his appearance.

No, the boy did fear something. He just didn't know what it was.

Well, he feared to loose his friends. And that was quite understandable. But his friends just abused this friendship. And thus they were not worth this friendship. He never would tell him this little fact. He had to find it out by himself. But somehow he didn't like the fact that they hurt the boy.

And yes, the boy seemed to fear – Voldie. But that was understandable as well. He, Snape, was a grown man and he feared the bastard, knowing what the Dark Lord was capable of, and knowing that he never would hesitate to kill him if he displeased him somehow. Of course Harry feared this madman. He would be stupid if he wouldn't.

And Harry feared he wouldn't get a partner, at least that had been the impression he had gotten earlier during the conversation. But then – a lot of teenagers had the same fear. What actually was the reason they changed their partners so often. They took the next best one they thought they were in love with, just to be with someone, then they learned that this one wasn't the right one and they parted. And he – Snape – as a head of house, he had to deal with the lovesick students afterwards.

Yet – there was something else the boy feared and he didn't know what it was.

Shaking his head and closing his eyes he wondered since when he cared about Harry. And since when Potter had become Harry in the first place. Yet – somehow he couldn't bring himself to mind.

Somehow he had become to know a different Potter. The boy hadn't been disrespectful during their conversations the past evenings either. Well, maybe because he had made an effort to be civil. He hadn't called him Potter, but Mr. Potter. Mostly at least. And he hadn't tried to throw humiliating comments at him either.

Maybe Harry had just reacted to his actions. What had led to the fact that they had managed to have a – civil conversation. And one that he had quite enjoyed.

And well, if he liked to admit it or not, the boy did look good. And he didn't even know it. And, yes, if he liked to admit it or not, he was just the more desirable in his inability of self-awareness.

Sighing heavily again he wondered where this might lead to, where this might end. Well, he better did not think about this right now. But nevertheless he couldn't help but feeling some kind of satisfaction over the fact that they had gotten along well. And nevertheless he couldn't help but looking forwards to the next evening, when the teen would be back.

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"Hey, where have you been mate?" Ron asked as soon as Harry entered the Gryffindor common room, jumping up from the sofa where he had been sitting beside a grumpy looking Hermione and Harry sighed. They had fought again. And again Ron took him as an excuse to get away from his upset girlfriend.

"I was outside a bit." He said. "And I wanted to be on my own." He added when Ron opened his mouth to ask him why he had not invited him.

"You're out quite often, Harry." Hermione meant, frowning at him. "Are you trying to avoid us?"

"Let me just say, your constant bickering is getting on my nerves … why can't you two just get along? You two have been friends at some point, you know?"

And with those words he stormed out of the common room, up the stairs to his dormitory and threw himself onto his bed.

What was wrong with him?

Whenever he saw Ron and Hermione quarreling, he got agitated.

And whenever he saw them, he had the feeling that he should leave them alone and go.

And whenever he was alone then – then his thoughts wandered to Snape.

And whenever he thought of Snape, then he just wanted to go down into the dungeons and talk to him some more.

And whenever he wanted to go down into the dungeons, then he felt this kind of – well …

He began to understand what exactly Snape had meant.

He feared going down there and back to Snape. And he knew that it was some kind of fear. But at the same time he wanted to go to the Potions Master nevertheless. And it really was not that unpleasant. On the contrary. Just now, in this moment, it was – nearly pleasant.

So – yes – to come back to his original question – what the hell was wrong with him?

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

To be continued

Next time in I just wanted to ask

Going deeper into the subject … and closing the eyes …

Added author's note

thank you for reading - and yes, I would appreciate it if you took the time to review this chapter, thank you …
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I just wanted to ask