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A Marauder’s Christmas Carol	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 1235 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or setting of Harry Potter, I make no profit from the writing of this fic.

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A Marauder’s Christmas Carol: Part Three

When Remus opened his eyes he found himself gazing around his own fastidiously neat bedroom, he looked over his shoulder and saw Lily smiling at him with deep sadness. “Is it…is it over?” He whispered.

Lily gazed out the window and sighed softly. “Not yet, you still have two more visitors but my time here is done now.”

Remus’ face screwed up in pain as light surrounded his friend, her eyes sparkled and her hair shone. “No! No please don’t go! Don’t leave me again.”

“I’m sorry Remus, I have to go now. Farewell and remember what I showed you…” Her image flickered, the light became blinding and Remus threw up his arms to shield his eyes.

“Lily!” He cried and blinked the white from his vision, when it had cleared she was gone and the room was emptier without her. He fell onto his bed and lay there on top of the covers, his eyes on the ceiling as silent tears rolled down his cheeks. He had never felt more alone.

He must have fallen asleep again as he opened his eyes again, there was weight on his bed and he groaned. Slowly he forced his eyes open to reveal a figure sitting at his side, a figure with a face he could never forget. The sight of it made him sit bolt upright, his eyes widened in his face and he fell off of his bed. A familiar, heart shattering chuckle reached his ears as he peeked over his bed and stared at the apparition. “It can’t be!” He said, fury filling his voice and heart, it pounded through his veins and before he considered what he was doing he had leapt up and flown at his visitor. He ended up hitting the floor on the opposite side of the bed blinking stupidly, his elbow was bruised from where he had hit the wooden flooring and he turned his head to see the figure now sitting on his desk. Dark hair fell elegantly into silver-grey eyes, his manner was all at once arrogant and graceful, his face was beautiful with perfect white skin, high, defined cheek bones and dark lashes. His lips were curled into an almost mocking smile as he surveyed Remus through his pitch black fringe.

“Is that any way to greet an old friend, Remus?” Sirius paused and cocked his head to one side slightly, as if he was thinking. “But of course, I’m in Azkaban…I suppose that would be very confusing.”

“Exactly!” Remus said, standing up and backing away rapidly, he lifted an accusing finger and pointed it at Sirius. “You shouldn’t be here! It’s impossible!”

Sirius shrugged. “Christmas lends it’s self to the impossible, Moony. Call it a miracle if you want.” He slid from the desk and stood on the floor with his arms folded across his chest, he wore a very familiar leather jacket and dark jeans that seemed uncomfortably tight, his chest was covered by a white t-shirt and he had leather wrist bracers around both wrists. Around his throat was a necklace, a necklace of pure silver and white moon stone. Remus recognised the necklace as one he himself had brought him when they had been lovers, before he had…before Sirius had shown his true colours. Sirius lifted the trinket and smiled at it fondly. “They didn’t let me keep this when they sent me to that hell hole…don’t know what became of it. I suppose I’m wearing it now because that’s how you remember me…” He frowned slightly looking put out before lifting his head and letting his eyes devour Remus hungrily. “Merlin…you don’t know how much I miss you.”

“Shut up! Just…just shut up right now!” Remus snarled furiously, he took a menacing step closer to his ex boyfriend. “Whatever you’re here for get on with it, I don’t want to spend any more time with you than I have to.”

Sirius’ eyes softened and he closed them, he tipped his head back and sighed. “I…I understand…” he breathed and seemed to physically pull himself together again, when he looked back at Remus his silver eyes were full of agony but he managed a smile. “You have to take my hand, you should know the deal by now.”

Remus eyed that hand warily, it was all at once familiar and strange. He could see the thick silver ring on his middle finger, a ring given to him by James on one of his birthdays. Remus closed his eyes and took the proffered hand, he turned his face away from Sirius and felt a familiar jolt in his stomach. Sirius’ fingers squeezed his once and he yanked his hand away, they were surrounded by noise, excited chatter and laughter. “Open your eyes, R-Lupin.” Sirius whispered and Remus did, he noted the use of his surname and although there was pain in that it also made him feel a savage pleasure. The air was cold, filled with the mist of people’s breaths, they were surrounded by people.

“Where are we?” Remus asked turning to his companion.

Sirius squinted down the street, through the gathered bodies. “I think we’re in Muggle London…Camden maybe?”

Remus gaped around, stalls sold their wares surrounded by Christmas lights, trees and happy, smiling faces. The place was full of life and joy, children begged their parents to let them have a freshly baked mince pie while lovers walked hand in hand admiring the decorations. Remus’ eyes lit up, he couldn’t help but absorb the happiness permeating the air, he moved forwards through the crowds, affecting nothing as he passed. He could smell freshly baked Doughnuts, sticky sweets, hot chocolate, coffee and somewhere music was playing. “This is how Muggle’s celebrate?” he gasped and turned sparkling eyes on his guide.

Sirius smiled and nodded. “This is what they do, gather in huge numbers to watch light shows and listen to carols…They gather and even if they don’t know each other they are friendly.” Sirius gazed wistfully at a stall full of hand-made wooden toys. “It’s all so simple…no magic except that of Christmas. Yet they get on alright really, don’t they? It’s…nice.” Remus hated the sad look on Sirius’ face, he frowned. “It’s a time of forgiveness…”

“Forgiveness?!” Remus spat, his face twisting angrily, Sirius simply stared at him. “You will never gain my forgiveness! Don’t you dare even try to ask for it…what you did…what you took from me…from the world…I…I can never…ever forgive you!”

Sirius closed his eyes and lowered his head, dark hair covered his face momentarily before he lifted it again. “It’s a good job I’m not really here then, isn’t it?” His smile was a crooked, demented thing and Remus had a brief flash of something behind the full, healthy young man he had known…something that was little more than bones and insanity…he shuddered and turned away. “Let’s go then.” Sirius reached out and took Remus’ hand, the world melted and they found themselves in a street full of boring square houses. Sirius stared at the one before them, his eyes softening as he turned to stare at Remus. “Why don’t you ever visit them?” He asked.

Remus recognised the street and shook his head. “Because…because I’m a burden. Why did you bring me here?”

Sirius smiled. “Come see.” He pulled Remus gently towards the house and they passed through the wall straight into the living room, a group of aged people stood around chatting merrily and laughing. Glasses clinked, food was eaten from worn plates and there were smiles all around. A fire burned in the hearth and Remus’ eyes landed on a familiar woman with streaks of grey in her brown hair. “They always did know how to enjoy themselves, no matter what.” Sirius said and nabbed a mince pie from a plate someone was carrying, he bit into it. “Ah, Mrs. Lupin…an excellent cook as always.” He said through his mouthful.

Remus gaped at him. “How on earth did you do that?”

Sirius shrugged. “I’m not like you…I’m special, for the moment anyway.” He grinned and gazed around the room. “Looks like your dad’s going to start playing in a minute.”

Remus turned to see his father at the piano, his wrinkled hands touching the keys as he bit down on the pipe between his teeth. The room was suddenly silenced as John began to play, ‘Silent Night’ filled the room and people began to sing along. It took Remus a long time to realise he was smiling, it had been years since he had visited his parents on Christmas and he missed his father’s piano. He saw his mother stand and move to her husband, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rested her chin on his head. The gesture was so loving and natural that it made Remus’ eyes sting, no matter what had happened they had always stood strong by each other and by his side. They had spent the best years of their life looking after him, ensuring he had everything they could give him, they had spent years searching uselessly for a cure for his affliction. Remus sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. “They all look so happy…” He breathed.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Sirius muttered, now peeling a Satsuma, he kept his eyes downcast as he peeled the skin off methodically. “Look over there.” He jerked his head towards the fireplace, Remus turned to see his own face gazing back at him. It was a photograph. His parents had decorated it with holly and red berries, he had been seventeen when that had been taken and he looked slightly miffed at being forced to stand still. He smiled but it soon fell when he realised it had been placed so that the picture could watch the festivities, almost as if they were including him even if he wasn’t there in person. Guilt filled his chest and he felt a nervous hand on his shoulder. “I’d think that at least a few people miss you, Remus…”

Remus took a shuddery breath before yanking himself away from Sirius’ touch, ghost or not it repulsed him. “Yes, perhaps they do…but most of these people…” He waved his hand around the room. “Would rather I didn’t turn up. It’s better if I don’t…better for my parents…better for the whole world!” Tears stung his eyes as he tore his eyes away from those pity-filled silver ones. “They all hate me. They all wish I’d die…why should I give them the pleasure of taunting me to my face?!”

Sirius sighed softly before lobbing the skin of Satsuma onto an ancient old man’s head, he took Remus’ hand. “Come on then. Let’s see something that might change your mind…”

They found themselves stood on the driveway of a large, boring square house. The car sat outside was so muggle it was tragic, Remus raised an eyebrow as he turned to Sirius. Sirius smiled and pointed towards the house, Remus found himself staring at a door with a Christmas wreath on it, beneath that was a large golden number Four. His eyes widened and he turned back to his guide, Sirius nodded and pushed him through the door. He found himself in a hall way, the sound of laughter carried to him and the noise of a television playing ‘The Snowman’. He walked into the living room to find a large, fat blond boy sitting before the television with a bowl of crisps in his lap. He dipped pudgy fingers into it regularly as he stuffed his face, Remus pulled a face. “Sirius…are we…is this where…?”

“This is the current residence of one Harry James Potter, yes.” Sirius replied gazing in open fascination at the large, square box. “This is fantastic! These Muggle’s have come so far since I last saw a Tele-Tele-whatsit.”

Remus frowned as he turned to see a large, square man sitting in a sofa that looked as if it was going to give way at any second and a small, horsey woman at his side. “This must be his aunt and uncle…”

Sirius nodded, seating himself on top of a dresser that housed pictures of the fat boy. “Yeah, Petunia and Vernon Dursley…Petunia looks absolutely nothing like Lily…” Sirius pulled a disgusted face. “She looks like a horse that’s sucked on a lemon…” Remus let out a sudden snort of laughter before becoming angry with himself, he frowned and began searching the room for the boy he wanted to see.

“Where is he?”

Sirius looked up from inspecting a muggle pen. He shook his head slowly and turned towards the kitchen.

“BOY!” The one called Vernon suddenly shouted, Remus jumped and felt a frown on his face. “BOY! GET IN HERE!”

“Yes?” A small, skinny little boy of about eight came to the living room door from the kitchen, he wore a pair of round glasses that were taped in the centre. Remus’ mouth fell open as he saw his best friend in the boy, it was like being hit in the chest with a bludger.

“Go get your cousin some more snacks…and if you take any for yourself you know what will happen.”

“Yes uncle.” The boy gazed briefly at the television, an almost hungry longing coming into painfully thin face before he turned and walked away. Remus almost ran after him, he found himself in an unnaturally clean kitchen and saw the boy filling a bowl full of snacks. “Merry Christmas Harry…It’s so wonderful to have you home for the Holidays, now we can spoil you rotten. Let’s watch a movie together and talk about nothing for ages…” The boy muttered to himself and smiled slightly as he picked up the bowl, he walked past Remus who turned and watched him with wide eyes.

“I-Is this…is this true?! Sirius…tell me it isn’t…?”

Sirius nodded. “His Aunt and Uncle don’t really like him that much, you heard about Petunia from Lily…she hates Magic and everything that is associated with it.” He sighed sadly and beckoned Remus, together they went into the living room and spotted Harry sitting by the window. He gazed up towards the star strewn sky and as they drew close enough they heard him muttering again, Remus realised he was wishing…

“I wish that tomorrow someone will come and rescue me, it’ll be my mum and dad and it turns out they’re not dead at all. They’ll be some kind of secret agents who had to send me here to protect me from the big bad guys…I wish that they’re nice and kind people, gentle and that they love me very much…I wish that…” Harry paused and sighed heavily. “I wish that I wasn’t alone.”

Remus’ heart twisted painfully in his chest and he stepped backwards. “Oh Merlin…James’ son…his legacy…treated like-like some kind of…slave?! Sirius…he’s miserable!”

Sirius was staring at Harry with glistening eyes. “Yeah…but you see, things have to happen like this. There’s…deeper reasons than we perceive on the surface. There’s things happening, currents of fate that we can’t fiddle with…for now, Harry’ll have to cope on his own…There’s no other way.”

Remus stared at Sirius for a long, hard moment. “What are you saying? He’s eight years old! He should be with people who love and care for him! Not this…not surrounded by hatred…he’s a bloody hero!”

Sirius turned large, silver eyes to him and smiled. “It has to be like this…everything happens for a reason Remus, and remember he’s loved. He always will be.” Sirius took a few steps closer to the boy and wrapped him in his arms, Harry didn’t move but a tiny smile curled his lips as he submerged himself in his imagination. “He’ll always be surrounded by it.” Sirius smiled and placed a kiss atop the child’s messy hair before moving away again. “Ready to move on?”

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat before nodding, he reached and took hold of Sirius’ hand. He gripped it tightly as the world faded, he was left with a perfect image of Harry Potter sitting in the chair and smiling up at the stars with hope-filled green eyes. They reappeared in Remus’ room and he turned to gaze at his guide, those familiar silver eyes, that wonderful half smile so full of affection and love…but…it was all a lie. It had all been lies. Remus pulled himself away and turned his back on the man he had loved, and still did love. “Did you ever feel anything for me?” He whispered softly.

Sirius turned his head so he gazed out of the window. “Look at me.” He whispered and Remus did, he turned and found himself gazing at a wasted thing. A man he did not recognise, he took a step backwards with a gasp.

“Wh-What is this? What are you?”

“I’m Sirius Black…but I’m also the Ghost of Christmas Presant which means I’m dying. I’ll be reborn anew tomorrow…and on and on it goes…” He sighed, his hair was long and lank, it reached his elbows. His face was emaciated, his ribs poking through his skin in horrible angles. His clothes hung from his frame in rags, his jacket torn, the necklace around his throat was slowly dissolving. “I suppose that one day I’ll look like this in my real body…I’m already pretty messed up…” He smiled bitterly. “Merlin Remus…I always loved you…I always will…I’ll die loving you.”

“It’s lies!” Remus snapped suddenly, eyes flashing with grief stricken fury. “It has to be! Do you know how much I hurt?! Do you know how every day I am tortured by the words you said to me, by your betrayal of not only my trust but those of your best friends?! Merlin, Sirius! You’re a murderer! You killed your best friends! You ripped my heart out and killed those I loved! You’re a monster!” Tears slid down Remus’ white face as he gazed at his ex-lover, he saw Sirius’ face twist in agony. His silver eyes filled with perfectly clear tears and they slid down his cheeks.

“Oh god, Moony, if only you even knew…if you only understood…I-I’m so sorry…I’ll never f-forgive myself…I-I swear…I always loved you…” Slowly his voice took on a far away quality, even as Remus watched he faded into nothing, only his words lingering like the chiming of a distant bell… “I’ll love you until I die!”
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A Marauder’s Christmas Carol