Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Harry's True Self	By : yaoiboydaisuke Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 42735 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
AN: I edited chapter 2 because of a good point a reviewer made. Also the way I wrote Harry's True Parents was years ago, I suggest reading it as a summary of Voldemort and Sirius' relationship, and I won't be rewriting it so it will have spelling and worse grammar than this story will o.o; I intend to go to college for writing some day to learn grammar and things that I lack lol

Everyone sat in the kitchen, they were confused why Harry and Sirius had suddenly ran from the room. Harry was following his mother as he ran into a bathroom, he stood beside him as he began to vomit, all of his memories of the years with Voldemort, all the years that he was in love with him and even had a child with him. Sirius had spent the last fourteen years hating his lover, wanting the man really dead for being an evil man, and wanting to kill him for killing his best friends. But what really was hurting was the thought that James was his friend, that he really did like James, but he was a spy in the order and if James had known. Sirius closed his eyes tightly, he didn't want to think about how James would have treated him if he knew his real alliance. He felt sick again, he began to think about Remus hating him if he found out, and how he'd loose his last true friend from childhood. He glanced at Harry, the boy was his child, and he worried how he knew how to give him back his memories, and was he aware he was technically his real mother.

Sirius was starting to notice the changes in Harry's appearance, in a way only mental deterioration would change someone. He knew it all to well from his changes in Azkaban, but what would make Harry so stressed. Sirius was cursing himself that he didn't notice it at all, that he wasn't able to talk to Harry about his problems, all because the Order didn't want him accidentally telling Harry about his aunt and uncle or about things involving the trail at the Ministry. “Sod it all...” he grabbed Harry holding his son close and tightly. “Tell me what is going on...how did you know the code word.” Harry pushed his face into Sirius' chest crying. “What is going on to make you so fragile, you aren't the boy I remember from the last two years...” Sirius ran his fingers through Harry's hair.

“...you know they are probably listening to us somehow....we can't talk here.” Harry whispered, his tears falling onto Sirius' shirt. Even though he'd told Severus about the rape, he knew that all the adults were in a meeting, and that the others were trying to over hear the meeting. He wasn't about to risk anyone finding out about his real parents or about his conflicting thoughts on switching sides, he didn't feel safe with the Order talking about him and keeping secrets. He had also had time to think about events that had happened the years before, why was he friends with Ron and Hermione? Yes they had been together and through so much over the last four years. Yeah they had helped him out in school, Ron's family had saved him part of some summers. But why had neither of them fought Dumbledore, made him let Harry live with them, and with how the order was able to hide the Black house from Death Eaters, why couldn't they have done that with him in the first place. It always came back to the same trail of thought for him, always back to why they didn't help him, he couldn't get it out of his mind.

Ron and Hermione were his friends, but he knew he couldn't talk to them about his real parents, they wouldn't understand; hell he didn't understand. He still hated Voldemort, the man had killed a woman he always thought was his mother and in her letter she seemed to genuinely love him. While he had given Sirius back his memories, he wasn't sure how to tell the man that he was conflicted on what he should do about Voldemort, Sirius had been in love with him for some reason right? Harry's mental state was dissolving, to much was happening all at once, he also regretted kissing Severus without any judgment on what he was doing, but the man had also kissed him back. Harry grabbed his head, everything was wrong, he just wanted to go back to before he found anything out. Ron and Hermione had not even asked him what was wrong, they hadn't come to find him in the library, they hadn't sat down with him and asked him what the Dursley's had done that summer.

Sirius continued to hold his son as he began to cry again, Harry was a mess, he didn't know what had happened, but he was going to get it out of him as soon as it was safe to talk. Harry's hormones,stress,anger,jealousy, and feeling of being alone with his issues had been the main reason he'd kissed Severus, the man was the only one of the whole group to listen to him, talk to him, and comfort him after a week of bottling up everything. Once he let the emotional flood gates open up to the man, who had been showing him a whole new side of himself in a kind manner, he couldn't stop himself. Severus was disgusted with himself, he'd kissed a child,a student, and the child of his ex-best friend and only love. The boy looked like the man that had stolen Lily, but had her beautiful green eyes, he was now at his home and pacing in thought of his actions.

The trial date had come, Harry and Sirius had not talked about what they knew, and Harry was pretending to be back to normal. When they had both gone back to the kitchen, they explained that Sirius had ate something that didn't agree with him earlier and he had felt sick. Harry was still pale and looked sick from lack of sleep, but he had been talking to his friends, they still seemed to be hiding something but he wasn't sure what. The whole trial was hell, this Umbridge woman was making Harry want to stab her or hex her with something, and why was Dumbledore treating him so coldly? First it was giving Ron of all people the Prefect position, now he wasn't even looking at him kindly or talking to him. He wouldn't answer any of his questions and just walked away, did he know about his real parents like Lily had feared?

Once he got back to the Order's hide out, he was already annoyed with the whole day, and seeing Ron and Hermione arguing over stupid things made him snap. “Why don't you two just snog and get it over with! You both are so annoying!” he balled his fist at his side. “There are so many other things going on and all you two do is dance around your feelings, then when the other thinks you don't like them you both get so jealous you fight even more. I've had it, Ron, Hermione wanted you to ask her to the dance last year because she likes you, but you are so dense you can't see what everyone in the whole school and even your family can see!” he looked at Hermione. “And you! You know how stupid he is, you don't need to get so upset with him for not noticing your feelings, that whole scene was embarrassing and you are smart enough to know you should have been the one to confess first!” he breathed heavily, throwing his arms into the air, and stormed back to the room he'd been sleeping in.

Ron and Hermione, as well as everyone in the house, stood in shock. Harry had never blown up like that to either of his friends before, they had never seen him get so angry. “...I guess the trial wasn't that great huh?” Ron glanced at Hermione, the girl just glared at him and walked off. “What?” Fred and George snickered at Ron for completely missing the whole point Harry had been trying to make. Harry buried his face into his pillow and screamed, why did everything always happen to him, why did that woman seem to want him to be expelled from Hogwarts, and why had Dumbledore been so cold to him.

Harry's scar began to burn, he cried out in pain, and curled into a ball on the bed. He was given an image of Dudley, he was in some type of cell, he looked terrified, and was screaming. The boy was bleeding from his nose, he looked like he'd been beaten to an inch of his life, and his clothes were covered in blood. Just as fast as it had come into his mind, the image was gone again, and his scar had stopped hurting. “...What..what was that....” he sat up. Why had he just seen what looked like his evil bastard of a fake cousin being tortured? That made him sick to his stomach was that he actually was enjoying watching the fatass scream, what was wrong with him. He started to fall asleep, his thoughts on what Sirius would do to the Dursley's if he found out about the rape. Had he known the vision was real or what had actually happened to the Dursley's, he would have told Sirius what he'd seen.

It was in the muggle news papers, after the ministry of magic had added a few things to the scene, the papers said that the Dursley's son had been severely disturbed and started to make homemade explosives. As far as the muggles were concerned, Dudley had accidentally blew up his parents with the homemade bombs, the news paper said that the Dursley's nephew Harry Potter and their son Dudley were missing and both were suspects in the deaths of the adults of the family. The recent news was neighbors reported that Harry was always causing trouble for Petunia and Vernon and that Dudley had been a known bully around the neighborhood and school, that they'd often hear them fighting, but that the Potter boy had already left for school before the incident, leaving only Dudley Dursley the sole suspect in his parents deaths.

While everyone else was reading these news paper articles, they instantly hid them from Harry, Sirius had wanted to tell his son what was going on, and he wanted to talk to him about what was bothering him. Harry seemed to go back to normal after a few days of being with the order, he didn't even try to talk to Sirius about the rape or anything related to his relationship with the dark lord. But every now and then, Sirius would see the mask of normality slip, he'd see the expression of a young boy who had learned to much for his brain to take in. Harry tried to pretend to be happy, he tried to ignore his issues and his mental health problems, and he tried to ignore that Snape hadn't looked at him at all since their kiss. At least it didn't seem the man had told anyone else about the rape, it was probably to save his own ass for what he'd done. Even though the kiss was from Harry wanting to have physical comfort and was part of a break down, it hurt to be ignored completely by the only person who knew what had happened to him and that he could possibly talk to; Severus couldn't bring himself to look Harry in the face, he felt like he'd betrayed Lily again and Harry's eyes haunted him.

Remus had noticed the change in Sirius since the day he and Harry had left the kitchen, he'd questioned his friend about what had happened, but Sirius had waved it off every time he asked with it being a stomach ache. Remus wasn't buying that excuse and had been keeping an eye on his old friend, he was worried about him and Harry. He was having his own issues with Tonks not taking no as an answer, that he was to old for her, which luckily for Harry and Sirius would distract him for awhile and make him forget some things. Ron and Hermione had started to date, Harry hadn't realized exactly how he'd feel about it when it happened. They had both tried to not make him feel like a third wheel, but when they started to flirt or snog, Harry would excuse himself from the room.

Harry had come across another little problem, because he finally got Ron and Hermione together, Ginny had started to be a little more forward with him. She started to wear makeup, would make little comments to flirt with him, smile at him. Now, had she done that the year before, he might have asked her out. But after having his first kiss with Snape, even if it wasn't meant like he fancied him, it wasn't bad or gross to him, and he was now confused if he actually liked blokes; more so with the fact that she was now creeping him out and he didn't find her attractive at all. Fred and George weren't helping the issue at all, they were giving poor Ginny horrible tips on how to get Harry's attention. Molly was furious when Ginny came down to breakfast wearing a short skirt and a tank top with bright red lipstick,red eye shadow, and a load of blush on her cheeks, the girl looked like a fourteen year old crack hooker; the twins were rolling in laughter before being punished by their mother.

Harry felt like an outsider, his best friends who had ignored him because of Dumbledore all summer, were now ignoring him because of him telling them to get together. Ginny after finally getting the hint he didn't want her threw a tantrum at the twins for what they'd done to her and she now couldn't even look at Harry without crying or storming off angry. He started to hang out with Sirius more, playing card games, talking about happier things, and how he wished he could stay with Sirius every summer. Sirius found himself getting mushy and hugging his son when he'd talk about how awesome it would be to live together, that he wouldn't have to go back to the Dursley's; it was taking a lot for Sirius not to just blurt out that since the Dursley's were dead, Harry could possibly live with him now.

The day everyone was ready to head to Hogwarts, Sirius took Harry off to be alone with him as Padfoot, they were finally out of the house together and he knew there were no listening spells. He changed back into a human, naked, but human and wasn't shy about sitting on the floor in front of his son that way. “Alright, we should talk about whats going on, before I send you off for another year of school. I want to talk to you...I am sure you have a lot of questions about why I had a relationship with such a dark wizard...” he took a deep breath and began to tell Harry about his time with the dark lord and how being raised in a dark wizard family while also being a smart ass, how even though he actually believed in most of the things his parents raised him to believe, he wanted to torment them by acting like he had no interest in the dark arts at all. He told Harry how the dark lord had been invited to his home by his family, that the man had come to the house for years to train Sirius and his cousin Bellatrix to be good death eaters. Sirius admitted that he was a bit of a masochist and even though the dark lord had treated him cruelly, he ended up falling for him, and it was a mix of if Bellatrix ever caught them together he would enjoy seeing the look on her face as she was in love with the dark lord from the moment she saw his hansom face; this made Harry imagine the young Tom Riddle from the diary and not the snake faced mad man he'd become.

As Harry listened to Sirius' story, well the parts he caught with how fast Sirius was talking or would say he'd skip some parts to save time, he was wondering how Sirius had even become friends with James Potter and Remus. When the story was done, it had been ten minutes already, Harry was glad they'd left the house early. “Will you try to go back to him?” Sirius didn't know how to answer that question so he pressed his lips together and stayed silent for a moment, before asking Harry what exactly had happened during the summer. Harry felt like his heart has stopped and his body felt numb, it was going to be the first time he talked about it to another person since he told Snape. “....Not just this summer....every summer besides my 3^rd year when I was able to threaten them with my murderer godfather....” he took a deep breath. “They weren't good people, they hated wizards, I don't know why Dumbledore couldn't have found a better home for me...you know about the room they use to make me sleep in under the stairs...” he looked down. “But you don't know about everything, if I burned the food by mistake, Petunia would burn my arm on the stove or beat me with a wooden spoon. They let their fatass son beat me up whenever he wanted, he's broken my nose I don't know how many times and they'd say I'm just clumsy and fell.” tears started to fill his eyes. “But...but this summer.” he swallowed. “It was the worst thing ever.....” he cried as he started to tell how his fake uncle and cousin had beat him before Vernon had raped him.

Sirius' face turned red from his anger, he pulled his son to him and hugged him tightly. “If those muggle bastards weren't already dead thanks to your father some how finding where they lived, I would have crucio'd them to oblivion, then put them over a large fire to burn them before sending them to their muggle hell.” he would have yelled that had he not been trying to keep his voice down from the others. Harry's eyes were wide when he heard him say 'If they weren't already dead' he looked up at Sirius. “....Well technically they only found the horse woman and the pig, that boy of theirs wasn't found dead or alive in the house. Some how Tom had found them and went a little over kill, he made them explode into bloody messes, the ministry had to cover it up.”

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing, Vernon and Petunia were dead, and Dudley was missing. His vision finally made sense, Dudley was still alive and being tortured by his father, and it didn't make him sick this time that he was happy it was real. Harry would have talked more, but the small alarm spell Sirius had put next to the door went off, it let the both of them know that someone was about to open the door. Sirius quickly turned back into Padfoot, he nuzzled Harry, and Harry wiped the tears from his eyes. He had to go to school, it was his fifth year, and he wanted to know why Dumbledore was ignoring him, he figured he could talk to him better in school if he went directly to his office. “....I think you should go back to him...if you still love him...” he said low and they both walked out of the building.

Harry got onto the train with the other Hogwarts students, Draco shoved him out of his way as he made his way down the cars to his usual compartment with his friends. A thought came into Harry's head, had he actually been raised by his blood parents, would he and Draco have become friends? He knew he'd have not asked the hat to not put him in Slytherin. Would Snape have treated him better or would he have ignored him like he did most students? Or if he was in Slytherin would Snape have treated him like he did Draco? Then the last thoughts were...since he was the son of Voldemort, would everyone be scared of him or would they all worship him. Harry didn't want to be worshiped or have people jealous of him, its why he hated being known as the golden boy, the hero of the wizarding world. He just wanted a normal life, a normal family, and friends that didn't make him feel like ripping his hair out. Harry sighed and sat in a compartment with Ron and Hermione, while they were dating now, it brought a whole new row of things for them to fight about....like Ron just glancing at another girl or Hermione looking at another boy, even if neither was actually looking at the opposite sex but something in that direction.

The shock of the news about the Dursley's had started to wear off, he hadn't reacted completely to the news because they'd been interrupted. He suddenly burst into laughter and tears, tears of happiness from finally being free of them, from never having to see them again, and never have them touch him again sexually or harmfully. Ron and Hermione stopped fighting, watching as Harry had another mini break down into madness. They couldn't understand why he was laughing and crying at the same time, they had just been fighting and took it that he was making fun of them. By the time he had regained control of himself, Ron and Hermione had left the compartment, and his heart was beating hard in his chest, his breathing was fast. He wondered if the freedom he'd given Dobby had felt as good as he felt at this moment about being free from the Dursley's forever, it felt like he could be happy now, he didn't know that once he got to school that refreshed feeling would disappear.

TBC
- 2
- 3
- 4
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Harry's True Self