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Vices	By : BurningNebula Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 8682 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any related characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story

Chapter List
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A/N: Thanks to reviewers. I had to chop this chapter apart twice, before I liked it. Let me know what you think. It is un-beta'd, and I don't plan on searching for one, but if anyone would like to offer, my email is burningnebula@yahoo.com

  Slowly Severus calmed himself by doing the only thing that had helped him during times when he was going through withdrawals hard that he’d had to lock himself in his apartment: He recited all the poisonous flowering plants in Europe he could possibly think of, mostly in alphabetical order but he couldn’t be bothered to care if they were slightly misplaced on the list. He couldn’t figure out what this was. He knew that he considered Harry to be an attractive person, but he’d never been attracted to him. And he felt incredibly childish and silly to be having that thought at all, because it had sprung up out of nowhere. Besides his rash treatment of his own body over the last few years, Severus Snape did not do things which were illogical or impulsive. Any desire that came unbidden into his mind for Harry was exactly that. Illogical.
                But perhaps not so illogical, he thought as his stomach began to twist into knots. Perhaps it was the natural reaction anyone could have after having been done a great service by someone with whom they had a long history. Harry had saved his life after all. Harry seemed to want to know Severus. He knew he had heard the name of a condition where people tended to develop feelings for people who had saved them, like with Healers and such, but he couldn’t recall the name of it. Perhaps this was a justifiable development?
                Or perhaps, he was making a big deal out of nothing and he needed to be a man about it. Maybe it was a small attraction, but certainly nothing to become distressed over. This thought made him feel much more himself, and his fear of losing control dissipated. Straightening his robes, Severus exited the bathroom, determined not to be undone by Potter’s presence. Harry was standing at his desk reading a scroll of parchment intently. Severus cleared his throat, Harry looking up after half a second, a tiny smile pulling at one corner of his mouth.
                “That potion should be about ready,” Harry informed him. “Want to hop on it?”
                Severus shivered inwardly at the phrasing of the question. However, he managed to bat the unwanted thought from his mind as he nodded assent.
                They moved back to the workroom, and Severus was pleased to see that the potion was simmering at what they had deduced would be the correct temperature, and its colour had turned to a deep, fiery orange.
                “I’m a bit unsure about my calculations of the shelf life on this part,” Harry said as they both studied the contents of the cauldron. “I was sure it would be in excess of four weeks, no greater than six, which would give us ample time to create the next potion… but I keep second guessing it.” Severus looked sidelong at Harry who was looking uncertain and troubled.
                “I’m fairly sure that the only ingredient that would cause a faster spoilage would be the goat eyes, but only if we’d added them before waiting the exact eighteen minutes before that stage,” Severus said, not quite understanding why Harry was so concerned. “I’m certain we did that correctly.”
                “Yes, but… but what if something goes wrong?” Harry sighed and ran both hands through his hair.
                “Potter, you have to stop worrying,” Snape said, feeling uncomfortable trying to console someone. “We’ve only been at this a day. Failures are to be expected.”
                “Yes, we’ve only been at this a day. I however,” Harry said, looking at Severus in misery, “have been working on this for… much longer. I feel my time is running short.”
                Severus didn’t know what to make of this statement as it hung in the air, and eventually Harry sighed and began slicing Dragonlily roots.
                “What exactly has you in such a state?” Severus asked quietly, wondering what on earth could cause Harry anxiety like this, having never been a witness to this kind of behavior in him. Harry swallowed, thickly, and he glanced up briefly before continuing his slicing. Severus was startled to see tears sparkling in the corners of his eyes.
                It seemed for a moment that Harry couldn’t speak. Severus watched as the tears in Harry’s eyes spilled over and Harry had to back away from the table to avoid contaminating the roots with them, cutting the first finger of his left hand in the process. Harry gasped and threw the knife at the table in frustration. He spun towards the cabinet and threw the door open, snatching a bottle out of it and dripping a few drops of the contents onto the cut.
                “I’m sorry, Snape,” Harry muttered as he rummaged for a cloth in a drawer, wiping the majority of the blood off his hand, the cut now seemingly healed. “I just really can’t talk about it right now.”
                Severus reached for the knife after a moment, and cast a Scourgify on it. He continued the task of slicing where Harry had left off. Harry remained quiet as he watched Snape finish and slide the roots into the cauldron. The concoction steamed and darkened slightly, and Severus lowered the temperature of the fire beneath it. He looked up to Harry who was still silent and watching the cauldron sadly. Severus studied him for a moment before pouring a cup of the tea Harry had made earlier and pushed it into Harry’s frozen and still slightly bloodied hands.
                “There’s no need to be sorry,” Severus said, and Harry lowered his gaze to the floor. “Truly. If you’d like to speak about it, then I shall listen for you. By no means feel sorry.” He watched Harry nod, his eyes still staring at the stone floor.
                “If you don’t mind terribly,” Harry said softly, an infinite depth of sadness in his voice, “I think I’m going to put a Stasis charm on this and turn in.”
                “Of course. Just let me know when you wish to continue.” Harry nodded again and accompanied Severus to the door, watching mutely as Severus ascended the stairs. At the street-level, he turned back, and like before, met Harry’s eyes, though Harry was far from smiling. Severus inwardly lamented, before he swept away down the shadowy street, pulling his hood up as he went.
***
                As it turned out, he didn’t have to wait long for Harry to contact him.
Severus spent the next two and a half days wandering through his darkened apartment, the only light in the place coming from the fire and a few candles in the study. He tried to spend the time writing notes on the next phase of the project. He found it difficult to concentrate with his mind full of curiosity about Potter’s outburst. He’d also realized he hadn’t told Harry where he lived, but expected Harry would just owl him.
What he did not expect, was a knocking on his door on Monday evening. Wondering what it was about he peered through the enchanted peephole, which looked like the bare wood of the door from the outside, only to see Potter standing outside and peering steadily down the street.
As Severus opened the door, Harry swayed a little and blinked at him, his brow slightly furrowed. Severus noted with an air of caution that Harry clutched in one hand a bottle obscured by a brown bag.
“Potter,” Snape said slowly, “How did you know where I live?”
Wordlessly, Harry pulled a leather journal from the pocket of what Snape now realized were dark denims, accompanied by a black, long-sleeved thermal and trainers, all of his leather attire abandoned. He flipped open the cover of what Snape now recognized as his own work journal, holding it up for Snape to see his address written in his neat, thin writing. Harry closed it and held it out to Snape.
“Ah, I was wondering where that got to,” He muttered as he stepped aside to let Harry in.
Harry moved through the doorway with only a slight stumble. Looking around at the darkened apartment, he reached up and removed his glasses, hanging them on the collar of his shirt.
“Something tells me you’re not here about work,” Snape said sighing, as he flicked his wand at the oil lamps on the tables near the couch to illuminate the room. Harry wandered to an armchair and fell into it, taking a long pull off the bottle he held. Severus sighed inside his head. That was “his” chair.
“No,” Harry said just above a whisper. Severus moved to sit on the couch nearest to him and looked at him questioningly. “You said we could talk.”
“What are you drinking?” Snape asked.
“Cheap-arse gin,” Harry replied with a breathy chuckle. Severus sighed and took the bottle from Harry, Summoning a bottle of Scotch and some glasses. Handing Harry a glass, he smiled, trying to seem joking and not condescending about Harry’s poor choice in liquor. Harry looked slightly disappointed.
“But this is for sipping, not proper drinking,” Harry said, sniffing the glass.
“Exactly,” Snape muttered. “If we’re going to speak, I’d like you to be coherent.” Harry stared at him steadily.
“Says the man who was just a tad past coherent when he first came to my house,” Harry said, raising an eyebrow. Snape’s face fell and he looked at Harry icily. Harry had the grace to look away sheepishly. “Sorry, that was uncalled for.”
“It’s all right,” Snape bit out. “Perhaps I deserved that.”
They stared at each other for a moment before a question entered Severus’mind.
“I thought you couldn’t see without your glasses?”
“I can’t see right now anyway,” Harry returned with a smile. Severus let out a single deep laugh at the statement, making Harry’s smile grow wider.
“Indeed,” Severus said. “So, what is on your mind?”
“It’s Teddy,” Harry whispered, darkness shuttering over his face in an instant. “He…” Harry seemed to choke up and he shook his head somewhat violently. He looked at Severus from beneath his eyelashes, a sight that would’ve been incredibly sexy to Severus if not for the tears at the corners of Harry’s eyes. His heart, which had been cold and shadowy for so long, ached at the despair he saw in those eyes.
“I’m making this potion for him,” Harry whispered, his eyes full of meaning. Severus sat back in surprise. Teddy was a werewolf? Judging from Harry’s miserable nod, he knew Severus understood.
“How?” Severus said, also whispering now. “How did that happen?”
“A werewolf with a grudge against Remus,” Harry said with a deep drink from his glass, apparently abandoning his intention to sip it. “An old follower of Greyback. Teddy was only four.” Harry barely got the words out before he released a strangled sound from the depth of his chest. He set his glass down and buried his face in his hands. Leaning back in the chair, Harry looked at Severus from between his hands.
“I can’t watch him be in pain anymore. That’s where I was, you know,” Harry said. “Those two days. I took him from Andromeda to a house in the country where we go for his transformation. With the Wolfsbane, it’s not too bad on the whole, but the initial transformation and the change back are almost too painful for me to witness; I can’t imagine what it must be like for him…” Harry trailed off, his gaze distant.
Severus was in shock. He had absolutely no idea what to say. He looked down and realized his glass was shaking in his trembling hands. He took a steadying sip.
“I didn’t want to sell drugs, you know,” Harry said, still staring off into another world. “It was the fastest way to make money with the knowledge I had. Money I needed quite a lot of to work on this bloody potion.”
After several moments of silence, Severus reached out and placed his hand on Harry’s arm, drawing Harry’s eyes to meet his own.
“We can do this,” Snape said. “I promise.”
“You promise?” Harry repeated, a small light of hope sparking in the depths of his eyes.
“Yes. Whatever I can do, I shall, no matter what it takes.”
Harry stared at Severus for a very long moment, to the point where Snape considered waving a hand before his face. Then, so quickly Severus hadn’t any time to react, Harry launched himself forward and threw his arms around Severus’ shoulders, hugging him tightly and burying his face in Severus’ neck. Severus was so surprised that his arms hung suspended in the air, halfway between wrapping his arms around Harry in return and not knowing if he should. Deciding to the former, Severus gently placed his arms around Harry’s ribs.
Feeling quite guilty considering the seriousness of this situation, Severus turned his head slightly and breathed in the smell of Harry. It was better than he’d thought it would be. He thought it’d be pleasant, but instead it was just this side of transcendent. His hair smelled like rosemary and mint, and was softer than silk against Severus’ cheek. He allowed himself a moment of this, before regaining his senses, and his shame, and released Harry, who held on for a moment more before dislodging himself and settling on the seat next to Severus on the couch. Looking at Severus with watery eyes, Harry smiled and Severus wondered what he must look like, staring at Harry with his mouth slightly open and his eyelids falling halfway closed.
“Thank you,” Harry said softly, and Severus could only nod, closing his mouth but unable to manage the look in his eyes. Harry looked at him with a face full of amusement but a little puzzled as well.
“You’re awfully red,” Harry commented. “I didn’t make you uncomfortable did I?” Severus shook his head gently.
“Not at all,” Severus reassured him quietly. Harry smiled, though his eyes stayed sad.
“I apologise for laying all of this on you, I know you must be dealing with a lot of your own right now,” Harry began, hesitantly as though he was still deciding what to say next. “But if we get this right, I know it’ll benefit both of us. We actually can sell it on a mass scale. I can get away from Knockturn Alley and selling. You can do something bright and new and give yourself the purpose you need. The direction that we both need. We can have that.”
Snape was floored by this speech. Partly because it was given by a man so inebriated, and partly because he had longed for so many nights, weeks, years to hear someone care enough to say these things to him. Because he had longed to hear someone want for him just as well as they wanted for their own lives. He never thought the words would come from Potter.
“Harry…?” Snape said, feeling a little lightheaded.
“I think we can help each other find brightness in this world again, and loosen the hold of our respective vices. Don’t you?” Harry asked, his voice lowering to a whisper at the end. Severus could only gaze into Harry’s eyes, which were as deep as summer sunshine in the trees.
“Of course,” Severus responded numbly, his brain still trying to catch up with the beautiful man sitting in front of him and telling him heartfelt things. Harry smiled and it was like rays of light to Severus, as Harry leaned in and embraced him again, briefly this time. Feeling not quite as shocked as last time, Severus brought his arms up to rest in the middle of Harry’s back, feeling his shoulder blades shifting under muscle.
Moving away, Harry threw Severus a small smile before standing up on surprisingly steady feet.
“Would you like to come over tomorrow to continue?” Harry asked. “I’ve been sorely tempted to try a few things on my own, but I’ve held off so you could be there to give your input. The Stasis charm has worked perfectly.” Severus smiled at the warm, encouraging spiritual pull he felt towards Harry. He stood to walk Harry to the door.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Severus replied. “I’ll be around near four, then?” Harry’s grin made Severus’ insides melt.
“That sounds excellent!” Harry beamed as he let himself, backwards, out of the front door, never looking away from Snape’s eyes. It was now Snape’s turn to watch Harry retreat, as Harry spoke his parting words, “You and me, we can do this!” He said as he spun around and Apparated away from Snape in a whirl of leaves and energy.
Severus basked in the afterglow of Potter’s presence, readying his notes for tomorrow. His mind was full of urgent concern for Teddy, but somehow, he had a hunch that possibly, just maybe, Potter might present a glorious new future for himself. Severus felt selfish thinking it, but remembered Harry’s earlier words: “It’ll benefit both of us…” Severus knew that Harry wanted it as much as he did.
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