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Harry\'s Shadow	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Sirius Views: 41818 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 16
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make not a knut off this strange work of fanfiction.

Chapter List
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- 3
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Beta'd by the most wonderful, amazing and stupendous Tenchi. Woman, you are the best and love you for all you do for me!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity, laying out this complicated mess to make it work and other issues.

Also, to Tash who spent several long hours working with me to make sure this would come across right.

Chapter 3

Holding the sleeping Harry close like he always did anymore, Sirius was thinking. It was just a tad over a week since Harry's eighth birthday. Though much had changed in the prior year, his godson's birthday had gone unnoticed once more. That he didn't like, but he knew of no way to improve that situation. Nothing he could think of would work to make Petunia or Dudley treat Harry like most caring families would. As there was no one else in his godson's life, save him, that seemed to really care about him, he didn't know what he could manage to improve it.
Sighing softly as Harry's energy flowed into him, he gave the sleeping child a kiss on the top of the head. Harry's power was amazing and helped plenty. However, that darkness that was in his godson, though not part of him, was helping more. Over the last year, he managed to tap more into that and draw from it. He was sure, at some point, there would be consequences for doing that, he just wasn't certain what they might be. It was his hope that they would end up diluted because of the amount of energy that he drew from Harry. Like most children, Harry's magic was very light. That should take whatever damage the darkness could do back to a neutral point. With what he was and how it took very dark magic to do it, it helped what he needed to do tremendously. Another part was that whatever that darkness happened to be was shrinking because of his use of it. He was sure that would help Harry in the long run. He just couldn't figure out so much at this point when it came to what it was. Oh well, it was something he would worry about later.
Lying there, watching out the window as a summer thunderstorm whipped the trees back and forth, he thought of what he still wanted to accomplish. There were other bits, of course. Most, though, he couldn't yet. Harry was too young. For now, he had to focus on protecting and helping his godson.
Shaking his head, he thought about all that he didn't think was right. Some he couldn't change, much to his disgust. He wanted Harry taken to see his parents' graves. That he couldn't manage. He wanted his godson to know so much about them, more than he could tell him. Then he wanted Harry to know more bits about their world and for him to see parts of it as most that were half-bloods would. That he couldn't do either. To accomplish that he would need help. No one was around that could manage it. Arabella Figg was about, but she was just a squib. There was no way to nudge her in that direction. As it was, she was playing like she was a Muggle. The only reason Harry knew about her was him. No one else around here was from their world.
The only name his mind circled around to was someone he was irate with; Remus. As far as he knew, if he couldn't take Harry, Remus was supposed to. He didn't. That had him furious. He knew Remus had issues with money and what he was, but there was no excuse for this. Lily and James would have provided something for Remus to help him raise Harry. Remus—oh, yes, that was something he was going to attend to, soon. He just didn't know how yet. He would come up with something suitable then get the answers he wanted.
Sighing softly, he looked down at the little boy curled up to him and smiled. He adored Harry, that's all there was to it. His godson was great. Though Harry had hardships, he seemed fine with so much. There were bits that still bothered Sirius, like how so many treated Harry, but he was dealing with it. Harry didn't seem to mind that no one talked to him much, other than to get him to do something, and was content to just talk to him. He wanted his godson to have friends, of course, like anyone would, but Harry seemed fine with the fact that he didn't have anyone but him. It was just something that would have to wait until Harry got to Hogwarts for, nothing more.
Shutting his eyes, he began to think of what he could do about Remus. Revenge was needed. He would tend to that as well, making him pay for so much and the suffering Harry had to go through because the werewolf didn't take on the responsibility that he promised James and Lily. It was just a matter of figuring out how. That he would manage, it was just finding the means.

Nursing a beer as he sat in the well worn chair in his living room, Remus was melancholy. It was Halloween, the anniversary of James and Lily's deaths. As would be expected, he visited the graves earlier to pay his respects. Then, for the first time since that awful night so long ago, he stopped at the house where they were killed. That had hurt. There wasn't much there, other than the sign that commemorated what it was, but he could easily visualize what happened in that house. Of all of it, that was the worst. He had spent time just staring at the house, his heart aching. After he came home he wrote another of those letters to Harry. As with all of them, he stored it away, though knew there was no reason to as he would never give it to Harry.
Shaking his head, he downed more of the beer, trying not to think of all he had lost or how alone he was in the world now. That helped nothing and he knew it. There were other problems he had to worry about more, such as getting work, money, other bits. Those should take more of his focus rather than his self pity. He just couldn't manage to focus there, though. When it came to those, he soothed himself that after a few days, when the anniversary passed, he could focus again. Of course, he did that every year and seemed to manage, at least partially.
Picking at the label on the beer bottle, he wondered what to do now. Normally, he sat in front of the fire and read, but he didn't think he could focus to do that tonight. He just needed to find something to distract himself, nothing more. That wasn't as easy as it sounded as so much around here reminded him of his old friends, all of them. Like the beer. Sirius adored his beer. Even drinking one brought back memories of his old friend and the fun times they had together. That didn't help.
Finishing the beer and vanishing the bottle, he then looked up, brow furrowed. There was the sound of a dog howling. Though that was common, even as far away as he was from the Muggles around, this was different. Not only was the 'voice' one that triggered memories of Padfoot, it sounded eerie, like a ghostly howl he had heard before from other areas. Honing in on it, he tried to pinpoint where it was, but couldn't manage. Shaking his head, he sighed. It was probably nothing.
After standing and planning to go find something to do to occupy his mind, he stopped cold, the hair on the back of his neck rising. He heard it again, though it sounded closer this time. Head whipping around in the direction he heard it from, his heart was hammering quickly. That did sound like Padfoot. Though dogs tended to sound the same, if you were around them enough you could tell which one was making what noise. That was the same when it came to Padfoot. He knew that 'voice' as he had heard it plenty of times.
Another howl, one that sounded like it was right outside his door, had him turning and staring at it, goose flesh rising all over his body. That was Padfoot's howl. He knew it! What in Merlin's name was going on? Sirius was long gone, dead and buried. The ghost of him hadn't shown up either. Staring, he waited to see what was coming, fingering his wand. Then his eyes widened and he started to stammer as what looked like an apparition of Padfoot came through the door. Like all of them in their world, he knew what a ghost looked like. Padfoot resembled that somewhat, but he was more real looking, like a detailed ghost that was colored with a more black shimmer to him. Shaking his head, he backed away, wanting to know what was going on before he figured out what he had to do. In an uneven voice, he asked, tone hushed, “Sirius? Is that you?”

Advancing on Remus, liking what he was seeing, Sirius concentrated on what he had to do. This would be tricky as Remus was so good at defense and what to do with creatures. Ghosts were something he could easily handle once he got over his shock. Sirius needed to convince him quickly that he wasn't a ghost, but a revenant, something that had come back for vengeance. There was little you could do to expel a revenant and the Ministry would end up involved if you were that tormented by one. He didn't plan for this to get that far, but he was going to teach his old friend a few lessons. Reminding himself that this had to be quick as it was a long way back to Surrey from Yorkshire, he got on with it.
Moving closer as Remus backed up, Sirius snarled at him then shifted to his human form. This would be better anyway, as the power that Harry had allowed him to have a human form that was better than ghosts now, though darker, as he was still a Shadow Person. He just didn't need Remus figuring that out. Glaring at Remus, he asked, “Where's Harry, Remus?”
Stammering, eyes wide, Remus wasn't sure what to say. This wasn't a ghost as it appeared different, but the life-like dark image of Sirius unnerved him greatly. Shaking his head, he told what he was sure was, in some way, his old friend, “He's not here, Sirius.”
“You were supposed to take him, Remus! You promised James and Lily you would if the worst happened! Why isn't he here, Remus?” Sirius asked. That was, really, his whole purpose for this visit; to find out why. Once he did, he would know better what he had to do. Because he planned to make damned sure that Remus knew he was pissed as hell at him. It wouldn't be all the time, but he would turn up to drive that home once in a while.
“I couldn't, Sirius,” Remus told this—whatever it was with a shake of his head. “You know my situation. Albus thought it best that Harry go to Lily's sister. There is a protection there for him he wouldn't get with me. It was for the best, Sirius, I swear.” Stopping, as he was now against the wall by the fireplace, he panted heavily, shaking madly.
“No, it's not!” Sirius snarled at him, advancing more. “You broke your word, Remus! There is a little boy somewhere that you are supposed to be taking care of. Like always, you are a follower and a sheep. We all should have known better than to trust you with something so precious. Do you even do so much as check on him, Remus? Write to him? Be in his life in some way?” He knew the answers to those, of course, as Harry hadn't ever heard of Remus, but he wanted to drive the first point home.
Stuttering, not sure what to do, wand hand trembling as he clutched it tightly, though he didn't make a move to raise it, Remus managed to get out, “Albus thought it best that I didn't, Sirius. Harry's fine, from what he said. He's with the last of his family.”
“You haven't!” Sirius bellowed, advancing closer, pleased with what he was seeing. “You should be ashamed of yourself, Remus! There is a little boy that deserves to have you in his life, despite the fact that you're a sheep that will allow others to dictate whatever. It was you James and Lily trusted. They shouldn't have and James should have known better.”
Stammering out a denial, Remus shook his head, wondering what to do to get rid of this spirit of some kind. He didn't want to hear what Sirius had to say, that's for sure, as it hit too close to home. “Sirius, don't. This was for the best. He's protected.”
“How do you know?” Sirius asked, voice a low snarl. “How do you know he's protected, safe, cared for, all those things you promised to do? You haven't seen him, have you? You haven't talked to him? Looked out for him? You couldn't even do so much as send him a letter, could you?” Hearing Remus sputter out excuses, he ignored them, pressing on, “Coward! That's what you are! A coward that couldn't do what his friend asked with the most precious thing in his life.” Stopping, Sirius shook his head then snapped, “Like always, you let someone else tell you what to do and you can't do so much as think for yourself when they decide to tell you what's 'right'. All you do is assume they know best and go with it. How do you sleep at night, Remus?”
“Sirius, stop,” Remus told him, lifting his wand and pointing it at the apparition, though it shook and he didn't know what spell to use to drive it off. Nothing he knew would work on a ghost, or whatever this was. “You're the one that killed them! Don't come in here blaming me for doing what I thought was best! You took James and Lily from Harry. It was your fault.”
“I did not,” Sirius shouted. “I would have died before I allowed them to get hurt! You should know that, or you used to anyway. James was like a brother to me. I would have protected him with everything I had. It was Peter that was the Secret Keeper. James switched because I thought it was for the best and would throw everyone off. Peter is alive, Remus. Very much alive. He vanished into the sewer after blowing up the street. Just like the rat that he is. Peter betrayed them. Now you did by being a coward.”
Heart hammering so fast it felt like it would burst, Remus didn't know what to say. The information was something he would have to think over then look into, if he could. “Sirius--,” he started, but was cut off.
As this was all he wanted to do, Sirius knew it was time to go. He needed to get back to Harry before he woke. “Don't 'Sirius' me, Remus! I know better. Remember who you're talking to. I know just what you were like. That's continued, it appears. Fine. For now, we're done. For. Now. I'll be back, Remus, that I promise. You're going to regret breaking that promise.” Before Remus could do more than sputter, Sirius shifted back to Padfoot then dashed out the door. As it was night, there were many shadows he could use to travel. That was good as this was a long trip. Thankfully, he could do it faster than any human.

Standing there, still shaking madly after Sirius left, Remus didn't know what to do. What was said stung, badly, and made him feel guilty. That was shoved aside by the fear. That wasn't a ghost, he knew it. He knew how ghosts acted and they didn't that way. That meant he needed to figure out what it was so he could protect himself. Some spirits that remained on this plane were dangerous. With Sirius' threat to return still circling in his mind, he knew that he had to figure it out.
Letting out a shuddering breath, he managed to walk over to his favorite chair and flop into it. Shaking his head, he tried to think of what to do. There had to be something as he didn't want another visit like this one. No, he didn't think he could handle that.
Looking around the small cottage, he wondered if Sirius was right about his innocence or if it was something else. That he was curious about.
Trying not to think about the accusations, and how true they were, he focused on the other two parts. Those he wanted to deal with and look into. Maybe it was time to talk to Albus about checking on Harry as well.

At eight years old, Harry was content with his life. Oh, it wasn't perfect, he knew that, but he liked it. Sirius was the main reason for that. He now had a constant friend that would always talk to him about anything. It didn't matter what. If it was something that confused him, Sirius would explain it. When he was upset, Sirius calmed him down. Sirius was everything he could want in a companion. Though it was odd at first, he couldn't fall asleep now without Sirius holding him. Since Sirius now looked and felt realer, though he still was dark like a shade and could pretend to be his shadow, it was even better. That made it more like having a real person around all the time.
Things weren't perfect, of course. Aunt Petunia and Dudley ignored him for the most part. That was fine as it was normal. It was far better than how it used to be, that's for sure! Kids in school ignored him, something far better than being picked on all the time. All that stuff meant he could spend all the time in the world with Sirius doing what he wanted. Good.
Since Uncle Vernon died, plenty had changed in the house. Aunt Petunia worked more often, though she was there in the mornings and when they came home from school. Because of that, she was tired a lot. Dudley didn't like it because they couldn't go out and do things like they used to because of her being tired or they didn't have the money. For Harry, it didn't mean much. Sirius was the one that handled things like getting him up, helping him with whatever and all that. The only thing he didn't assist with was feeding him. Aunt Petunia did that. Then there was the fact that Dudley now actually had chores to do. He didn't like that, but he did them. They were small things, like picking up after himself or the like, but it was things Aunt Petunia used to do. Since she was working, he had to help. Though Dudley threw a major fit over that, one of the biggest Harry had ever seen, he ended up doing it in the end because Aunt Petunia actually put her foot down. Though that was strange to see for Harry, he understood why and did a little more to help than he usually did. Sirius didn't mind that as he knew why. Aunt Petunia didn't say anything to him, but the looks he got told him she was relieved to get a little help.
School was now great as far as Harry was concerned. Though he still had to duck Dudley at times because he was still mad about so much, he didn't worry about the other kids anymore. With Sirius helping him with his studies, he was doing far better. In fact, he was about the top of his class in most subjects. His teachers didn't ignore him so much and were willing to help. He also found he enjoyed learning because he wasn't so frustrated any longer. Sirius' help with his homework was the reason for that. From what he was told by Sirius, Hogwarts didn't cover these kinds of subjects, so he needed to learn all he could before he got there. That was fine by Harry as he now liked it since he could understand it better.
Dudley was the only real big problem in his life anymore. His cousin was still in that angry mode that started when Uncle Vernon died. Sirius had told him he would eventually get over it, but even Sirius admitted that this was going on for far longer than he thought it would. His cousin was now actually a really scary person to Harry. While Harry avoided him at all costs, as he wasn't sure what Dudley would do, others weren't like that. Dudley was getting in real trouble at school for some of what he did. There was even a two day suspension for shoving a younger kid who accidentally bumped into him in front of a car in the parking lot right after school. Thankfully, the kid wasn't hurt as the driver stopped in time. Getting suspended actually made Dudley's temper worse, or so it seemed to Harry.
Most of Dudley's friends had abandoned him. Piers and the rest seemed like they were scared of Dudley now from what Harry could tell and didn't want to be around him. That just infuriated Dudley all the more from Harry's perspective. Of course, like always, that meant Dudley just got new friends. This time they were a couple of years older and the kind that Aunt Petunia didn't like. Harry heard plenty about them around school. They were the sort that liked to sneak off and smoke, nick things from stores, cut classes and stuff like that. No, they weren't the older teens that were the kind that the police looked at, but they were emulating them. Aunt Petunia tried to keep him away from that sort, but Dudley wasn't listening to her.
While most of the junk that went on before Sirius came around stopped, Dudley would still try to pick on him at times when there wasn't anyone else. Sirius made those small accidents happen again, but even those weren't stopping Dudley now. The only advice Sirius could give him on it was to get away and stay away while he distracted Dudley. That's what was working, so Harry went with it. It at least stopped it and Dudley usually found another victim.
This was his life, for the most part, until just before spring break. Then something awful happened.
Unlike what happened with Aunt Marge and Uncle Vernon, Harry was there when the accident with Dudley happened and he knew what caused it. And that wasn't Sirius.
It had been a normal day, one of the really nice ones. On the walk home, Dudley had started on him again to impress his older friends. Sirius had told him to keep going while he untied Dudley's shoe laces. One of Dudley's friends noticed that his shoes were untied and said something. After taking a swing at him, something Harry was able to duck and scurry away from, Dudley knelt down to tie his laces. While he did that, a kid older than Dudley's friends said something to his cousin about not picking on kids smaller than he was. That set Dudley off.
Unlike most people, Dudley wasn't scared to start a fight with someone bigger and older than he was. Not liking someone telling him to leave someone alone, as most wouldn’t dare do that to Dudley anyway, he forgot all about his shoes and stood up, taking a swing at the older kid. Then the fight was on. Oddly, Dudley was actually losing for once.
Harry, though he kept on walking, was watching over his shoulder until Sirius insisted he not. He was now thankful for that as he didn't see what happened. All he heard was the other kids yelling for Dudley to look out and not to shove the other boy into the road as a car was coming. The next thing Harry heard was the squeal of tires then a loud thump before lots of horror-struck shouting. Harry wanted to look, as he was wondering what went on, but Sirius stood behind him, as his shadow of course so no one saw him, and was quite firm in his insistence that he not look. Then Harry understood why.
People were shouting that Dudley got hit. Neighbors rushed out of their houses while someone summoned the ambulance. Harry listened to Sirius and refused to look back, but stopped, wondering what to do. Then Mrs. Figg grabbed him and all but dragged him to her house, making sure he didn't look back, while someone else went to get Aunt Petunia. Looking back now, Harry was thankful for that as he heard it was bad.
Harry stayed at Mrs. Figg's for hours, wondering what was going on and if Dudley was alright. It wasn't until well after dark that he learned from a sobbing Aunt Petunia when she came to pick him up that Dudley had died. As anyone would expect, he was horrified, sick and sad at his cousin's death. Talking that night to Sirius, who sat and held him, he tried to sort out what he felt as he didn't understand it. Sirius seemed to actually get what was wrong and talked him through it.
Unlike what happened with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Marge, this time Harry was taken out of school for the normal time to attend the visitations, funeral and wake. It was strange as something odd began to take place; Aunt Petunia was clinging to him. As expected, she was upset and crying over Dudley, but she held him close all the time then wouldn't let him out of her sight anymore. Sirius explained that she was terribly upset, naturally, and needed someone to cling to as she didn't have family anymore. He was all that was left of that. Harry thought he understood most of it, but didn't get all of it. So, he let her. It actually helped him as well since he was quite upset by his cousin's death.
After Dudley was buried, that clinging didn't stop, though. Aunt Petunia was keeping him close at all times, except when he was at school. It seemed that for the first time she started to care about him. At least that's what it looked like. Harry didn't think that was it and said that to Sirius. Sirius agreed with him, telling him that he thought it was more like Aunt Petunia just needed someone and he was it because he and Dudley were about the same age. As Harry felt bad for his aunt, he let her, though he grew uncomfortable with it very quickly.
He learned that he didn't like her insisting on taking him everywhere, staying close to him and all the other things she did. By this point in his life, he was used to being alone all the time and doing what he wanted. Having Aunt Petunia deciding he finally needed looking after rubbed him wrong, especially since he didn't think it was because she cared about him. He told that last bit to Sirius, who sighed heavily then agreed it probably wasn't.
It didn't stop after she got better, either. In fact, what came afterwards made Harry more uncomfortable. Not only did it seem to him like she was trying to make up for everything since he was left on the doorstep, but trying to turn him into Dudley in some ways. He got all kinds of new clothes, toys, the sort Dudley liked, and all the other bits his cousin adored. She tried overfeeding him the way she had Dudley, giving him everything under the sun, a huge allowance, all the things Dudley had always gotten. Harry did not like that and was trying to stay away from her, especially after she called him Dudders a few times. Talking to Sirius about it, he admitted he hated it and didn't want to be around her. Sirius told him to give it some time, that she was still grieving. After all, she had lost both her son and her husband in just two years time. Harry agreed, but wanted to stay away from her. What he also wanted was for her to allow him to do all the things he used to do alone. That wasn't happening either as she insisted that she take him everywhere and stay with him.
Since that started, Harry spent plenty of time in his room, just talking with Sirius. Since he loved doing that, it wasn't a big deal. They talked about everything under the sun and he always felt good to be alone with Sirius. Sirius—he was unlike anyone else in the world and just wanted to be with him more than he did anything else. Oh, he liked getting out and wandering on his own, but even then Sirius was with him. By now, he couldn't remember what life was like without Sirius and didn't want to ever be without him again. When he told that to Sirius, he smiled, clapped him on the shoulder then said they would always be together. That in the future there would be a way to get his body back, it would just have to wait until Harry hit a certain age. Harry couldn't wait for that. He really couldn't.
As school let out, Harry wondered how much more would change in the next year. He was worried about that by now as the last couple had been so big when it came to turning his world upside down. All he hoped was that it wasn't as bad. He would get through it, though, as Sirius was with him. As Sirius could do more and more each day, looking very real by now, he figured he'd be fine. After all, Sirius would always protect him.
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Harry\'s Shadow