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Falling Inside the Black	By : Pseudonymous_Entity Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 4838 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: If you recognize it from Harry Potter it isn't mine! I do not profit from this work, it is intended for entertainment only.

Chapter List
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Harry shot up, chest heaving and promptly cursed. Quietly though. Not because he didn't want to wake up the bastards around him still sleeping but because he'd delighted in Hermione's disdainful and somewhat demeaning conversations with Ron over his language. If Harry hit him over the head with a book he'd get hit back but Hermione could do it all she liked. The virtues of being a female he supposed. Though he had noticed apart from the physical lifting and moving around of his person Ron had taken a liking to there had been no attempts to engage him in any manner of rough housing this year, by anyone. In fact everyone stared at him from the corners of their eyes like they expected him to just fall to pieces any moment. Maybe it was because there was an escaped mass-murderer supposedly after him. If that was the case they were far more concerned about than he was as he forgot about it most of the time until someone brought it up. In all honesty he might send the bloke a present for Christmas for getting him a get out of jail free card in regards to his blown up aunt Marge.
When his heart finally began slowing down Harry pulled back the covers and decided to get ready for the day. He paused to see Hermione's rather large and ugly cat glaring up at him with a puffed up tail. Harry suppressed a grin and wondered if it had been sleeping on his chest again and subsequently catapulted off his chest when he woke up this morning. He couldn't remember. Harry wished he did though because it would have been hilarious.
All in all it was an interesting week of making Seamus blush, getting snacks and odd searching looks from Malfoy, and being constantly manhandled by Ron. Throughout it all Neville surprisingly was the most observant and sympathetic towards his plight. Of course the boy was often amused by his situation as well and while it was incredibly annoying and confusing it was a relief to have someone who saw what was going on, if only as proof Harry wasn't going insane. Whether or not Hermione knew was up for debate as she rarely left the library and when she did she had her face buried in a book. He did recall, in a blurry hadn't quite been interested enough to pay attention at the time sort of way, that she was taking far more classes this year than anyone needed to and more than likely was attempting to keep up in them all to assert herself as the cleverest among them. And of course to keep her pride unbruised. It would no about take a bit of a face plant if she couldn't keep it up.
Harry found himself breaking his routine today. Getting dragged around by Ron didn't sound appealing this morning. Or at least it sounded even less so than any other morning thus far. Instead he wandered about the lower halls waiting for class to start. It was free period before Defense today, their first Defense class of the year, so there wasn't anyone around to bother him. Everyone else was outside enjoying the warmer weather while it lasted. When his strap started digging into his shoulder Harry wished he'd gone by the great hall before everyone left to enjoy their free period. He was reasonably certain he could have gotten Seamus to carry some of his books for him. Pouting Harry kicked at the wall and sighed.
"What did that wall ever do to you?"
He spun around, nearly over balancing with the weight of his bookbag. Harry scowled. "Good morning Malfoy."
The Slytherin tilted his head. "You didn't come to breakfast."
Harry felt a rush of guilt. Had he saved him some food again today? He hadn't even thought about that, he'd been in to much of a panicked hurry to get out of the tower before Ron found him. This had become sort of routine at this point. He sat at the table. Found nothing on it appetizing. Sulked or spaced out for a bit. Then Malfoy was there beside him filling his plate and demanding he ate, slipping away without anyone ever noticing. Slytherins must take classes in ninja Harry decided.
"Er...no I didn't." Harry admitted.
Malfoy nodded thoughtfully. Reaching into a pocket he brought out an apple and held it up.
Harry grinned. "Brilliant."
When he reached for it though Malfoy lifted it into the air where Harry couldn't reach it, grinning.
"Aw come on!" Harry whined.
"I don't know if I should." said Malfoy, "You didn't even notice me when you came into this hall. You walked right by me and then gave a wall more attention than I got. I'm offended."
Harry felt his lips curling upward. "Oh did I hurt your feelings?"
Malfoy gave a nod, putting on a puppy face. "I think my heart might even be broken."
Concealing a grin Harry took a step forward bringing himself much closer to Malfoy than normal. He had done this to Seamus just yesterday, quite by accident, and the effect had been marvelous. Who better to use for a social experiment than a handy Slytherin? Harry looked down at his shoes first then took another small step closer to the taller boy, tilting his head up too look him through his lashes. "Please?" He whispered.
The reaction was immediate. Malfoy's face tinted pink, his eyes glazed over and he sort of froze. Delighted Harry snatched the apple and stepped back quickly, biting into it with glee.
Silver eyes blinked then widened. The pale face flushed further. Malfoy smiled then. "Well done."
Harry took another bite and gave a bow. "Thank you."
Feeling far more positive about his day Harry twirled around to head off down the hall. Or he would have if he his bag didn't cause him to over balance and fall to the floor with a squeak. He heard Malfoy laugh quietly. With a despondent sigh Harry covered his face with his arm. "I'm just staying here." He declared.
Malfoy snorted. A foot nudged his side making him squirm.
"Get up golden boy, or you'll be trampled when class lets out."
Harry lifted his arm to see Malfoy standing there, Harry's bag slung around his shoulder, eyebrow raised.
"There is that." Harry agreed. He held out his hand and gave a pitiful moan.
The Slytherin tried and failed to withhold a smile. A pale hand lifted him to his feet.
"Come on then. We'll have our first defense class soon."
"Alright."
They made their way to the defense room and ended up being the first in line waiting for the door to open. Their new professor had excellent timing as he opened the door seconds before Ron was about to lose his shit over Harry and Malfoy standing by each other. Harry darted into the room and then stood awkwardly. Everything was pushed to the side with only a trunk in the middle of the room that boomed and shook and growled ominously.
"Who can tell me what a Bogart is?"
Professor Lupin the proceeded to inform them that he was forcing them to face their greatest fears in front of each other because what was life without a little fear mixed with humiliation? After terrifying several thirteen and fourteen year olds, and by the happy music playing in the background and the delighted smile on his face, enjoying himself immensely, their new defense teacher gave them a break before continuing with the rest of the class.
He was taller and thinner then most adults but not as thin as Snape with dark blonde hair and amber eyes and scars along his face and a soft voice, his manner that of one ever patient and darkly amused by most things. Harry quite liked him. Even if his clothing belonged to someone sleeping on the street rather than a teacher at a prestigious school. Still it wasn't as if Harry could rightfully judge. His clothing choices until now were a toss up between too large with holes and too large with stains. At least Lupin's seemed to fit.
The man gave the room of shivering and wide-eyed children a small, sincerely pleased smile. Harry wondered how many Hufflepuffs had passed out in their mixed class with Ravenclaw. He'd have to remember to ask, he thought it might be a lot.
"What makes the Bogart fascinating is it's ability to know what truly frightens us, rather than simply what we'd find frightening. Does anyone know the difference? And does anyone by chance know the levels of fear?"
Hermione's hand shot into the air though Harry didn't know why she gave the pretense of asking for permission to speak when her mouth opened and her thoughts spurted out of it regardless of whether or not permission was given.
"There are primal fears, fears which to an extent can frighten everyone. There are perceived fears, which are as the name suggests subject to your perception. Then there is the third fear. It has no name."
Lupin made a humming sound. "I was looking for some thing a little more specific. Perhaps we can come back to that. Who can answer my first question? Harry?"
Harry blinked once, twice. No one ever asked him his opinion. He thought for a moment, the world slowing to a stop around him. How to answer. Several options sprang to mind, all of which he would have chosen last year, mostly consisting of 'er...I'm not sure sir...' That was a bit depressing. He was cleverer than that wasn't he? Harry gave himself a nod and the world sped up. "Most people would become frightened if they suddenly found themselves locked in a room with inferi or bent over at the guillotine. The things that truly frighten us do so for personal individual reasons. For instance, Ron's spider. While most of us would be frightened, or at least frightened of coming to harm, should we come across a spider of that size without warning, it only came up for Ron. No one else had a giant spider Bogart. This is because Ron is not frightened of the spider."
When Ron made to object that yes he was very much afraid of spiders Lupin raised a hand to silence him.
"Go ahead Harry."
Feeling a bit more confidant and quite unable to stop himself now that his mind was set on the question Harry continued without a single qualm that he was airing a classmates and in this instance his best mate's dirty laundry. So to speak. "Ron is frightened of becoming entangled in the spider's web. In his family there is a large number of talented individuals. A dragon tamer, a curse breaker for the goblins, a scholar, spellcrafters... All the best at what they do. It is not that he feels inferior to them it is that he resents them. Ron feels pressured to be like them, to settle for being very good at something just non-regular enough to be noteworthy. You see, none of them are famous or wealthy. They haven't got any status. And that is what Ron desires most, he wants everyone to acknowledge him as better than them. Not better skilled, though he would love to be so just to spite them, but better as a human being. He wants status. He wants people below him on the food chain. As a poor, blood traitor family the Weasleys have no status. They never will. He resents his family for their choices even as he spouts their beliefs in the halls. The spider and its many legs and its poison and its web represent his single greatest fear and single greatest desire. The piece of himself he hates."
Several students turned to look at one another analyzing each other's fears. Most of them were Slytherins which surprised no one.
"Five points Harry." Said Lupin. If Harry wasn't already used to people staring at him oddly he might have felt uncomfortable with the way the man seemed to be trying to divine answers from looking at him far longer than strictly necessary. "Perhaps you can give us your definitions of the levels of fear?"
Harry took three slow steps forward. "May I try the Bogart first please?"
"Of course Harry. Give it a go." Said Lupin after a long pause where Harry had wondered if he would be denied.
The flicker of anger at the thought was new. He usually wouldn't care. In fact he'd have probably been annoyed a most and then forgotten about it if it wasn't brought up. This seemed to be a year of things that didn't usually happen. Considering the last two years had life-size death-chess and a basilisk...that was saying something.
Harry gave him a smile of his own and stepped in front of the trunk, waiting for him to release the Bogart.
"On three. One...two...three!"
A swirling of colour came from the trunk, morphing through different potential fears before settling on the fear of the person closet to it. Harry. A Dementor precisely his size. Rather than leer toward him or attempting to suck out his soul it only stood there, still as death.
Harry shrugged. As long as it didn't try anything he didn't much care. Even the screaming from the train was muted now...as if he were under water.
How odd.
"Primal Fear is a severed head tumbling down the stairs or a body torn apart with a nasty curse. It's when the lights go out and something wet and coppery splatters your arm." He looked to Lupin who only gave a nod for him to continue. " Perceived Fear is a a vampire with blood dripping from its fangs or a praying mantis the size of one of the carriages we take from Hogsmead to get to the school each September. It's when the lights go out and something with claws grabs you by the arm."
Harry gave another pause when the Dementor, which had taken a single step forward, lowered its hood. This was frightening for any number of reasons, mostly because when a real Dementor lowered its hood it was preparing to administer a Kiss. At this precise moment what made it alarming was the pair of identical eyes glimmering in an identical face beneath the hood. Ironically, or maybe even more alarmingly, Harry was the only one unaffected. He couldn't be bothered to care just then. He was having too much fun scaring everyone.
"The third fear," Harry continued as if nothing was out of the ordinary, "is the look in the vampire's eyes. That of a predator examining prey...in the eyes of a regular person, no fangs or aversions to sunlight. It is when the lights are still on and you know something is just behind you, you can feel its breath against your ear, and when you turn around there's nothing there..."
He trailed off, touching his Demetnor-self lightly by the chin and tilting its head. "It is this fear that I am subject to. You see, sometimes there are things people ought to be afraid of...but they are not." And then he realized what his Bogart represented.
"...I fear myself." Harry had to fight the urge to giggle madly.
Silent. Utterly silent. A room full of teenagers and not a sound. Then...
"Why isn't he casting the spell?" Someone whispered.
"Should it be changing to another form? He obviously isn't all that frightened by this one."
"How can he not be frightened? I'm frightened and it's not even my Bogart!"
Harry swallowed his laughter and closed his eyes briefly, unnerved by himself, and he did not need to psychoanalyze that just then thank you very much. He turned to Professor Lupin, who himself was quite pale. His amber eyes were still amused, Harry noted. My Lupin was turning out to be a sadistic bastard. He knew he was going to like him.
"Would you like to answer this one sir?" He asked, turning away from his Bogart to look at him properly.
Lupin cleared his throat. "It is because he already finds it funny."
No one had any more questions after that.
"Does anyone know what all of the Bogarts have in common?" Alright maybe the professor had a few.
When no one else raised their hands Harry raised his, ignoring the slight wince some of the students gave when he did so. It wasn't like he actually had the power to suck out souls, that was his Bogart. Honestly. Children these days.
"They're externalized representations of things about ourselves we fear. Our inability to protect those we care about, our inferiority complexes, our darker guilt ridden desires. Our Bogarts are pieces of ourselves. Of course mine took that to a bit of an extreme." He did get a few half hearted smiles at that.
"Well said. Another five points Harry. Now pleased read up to chapter three if you've not done so already. While we will be discussing theory as we have today there will be many practical only lessons as well so do come to class prepared. Dismissed."
No one moved. Harry rolled his eyes and flicked his hands in front of him at the class. "Shoo!"
Hermione and Ron hung back, which wasn't altogether surprising, but Malfoy hanging back as well was new. Harry cocked his head at his book dependent friend.
"Yes?"
"It just doesn't make since to me. Not your analyses of Ron, honestly who didn't see that coming?, but of yours for your own Bogart. I don't see any reason for it to be so...obviously you."
No doubt the lack of proper terminology was painful for her.
"Our fears, like our nightmares, exist outside of logic and there's little to be had in explanation outside of a personal analysis. It just isn't how they work."
"But there must be some sort of proper explanation. I mean, well yes I understand that our dreams can hardly be called the most scientific of things-"
"Then stop trying to throw logic at nightmares. Sometimes the monsters are realer than we'd like Hermione. Sometimes they're real and the only way to defeat them is to become the bigger monster."
Bushy brown hair puffed forward when she lowered her head. "But...is that why your Bogart is yourself? I'm just curious. Ron's told me you've been having nightmares each night since we've gotten back and I just want you to know you can talk to me if you-"
She was interrupted again, this time by Professor Lupin whom she'd quite forgotten was still in the room, as she jumped rather spectacularly when he began to speak.
"Every man has at least one nightmare he'd like to keep to himself." Said Lupin. "Don't you have anything you'd prefer to keep to yourself Miss Granger?"
Her cheeks flushed then and she gave a nod, allowing Ron to drag her off to lunch. Harry let them leave without him. While frightening the class had been entertaining he was still shaken by his own revelations even if he did seem calm on the outside and he didn't want to go sit at the Gryffindor table and have Hermione staring at him and attempting to psychoanalyze him the entire time. First off, he could do that on his own. and secondly he really didn't think anyone needed to know his innermost secrets. It was enough to be a freak at home, he didn't need to be one here.
More than he already was.
Another apple was suddenly in his view. Malfoy stood holding it out for him with a smirk. He would really have to figure out where on earth Malfoy got them. Did he walk around with an expansion charm and a cooling spell on his pockets all day?
He made to grab it and once again the blonde lifted it out of reach.
"No tricks this time." said Malfoy.
Harry pouted.
"Not good enough."
"I want that apple Malfoy." Said Harry, stomping his foot for good measure.
Lupin snorted behind them. Harry looked over his shoulder to see him leaning against the wall watching them out of the corner of his eye.
Malfoy cleared his throat. Harry turned back to him.
"Give us a kiss then." Said the Slytherin.
Harry blinked. Was that all? He'd done that for Seamus when he needed an extra quill in charms their first day back. Of course Ron had promptly tackled the Irish boy and the both of them got a detention.
With a shrug Harry grasped Malfoys shoulder, raised onto his toes and gave him a quick kiss to his cheek.
Malfoy tinted pink, eyes shocked. He hadn't thought he'd do it then. Well that showed him didn't it?
Harry held out his hand. "Apple?"
Professor Lupin's laughter followed them out of the class.
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Falling Inside the Black