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Feeling Numb	By : Elocin_the_elven_princess Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 6432 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own HP or any likeness to the characters, they belong to JK Rowling. I also make no money from any of my stories. Rated to be safe for future installments.

Chapter List
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CH. 3

His lips grazed her neck as it trailed soft kisses from her mouth. His hands framing her face as he hovered above her. His grey eyes staring into hers with a look of adoration or love. She would have laughed if her heart wasn’t soaring and her breathing uneven with desire.
His hands stroked her cheeks and neck as his head dipped even lower to rain kisses down her chest. Her fingers ran through his silky blonde strands. She felt an ache deep within her belly and between her legs. Her knickers were wet with her need. His lips made their way back up to her own and she opened to his questing tongue.
“Merlin Draco!” She moaned at his kisses. She felt desire like she’d never felt before and his kisses left her breathless and dizzy.
“Hermione, I want you.” He said staring in her eyes. She moaned in pleasure against his lips once more as he kissed her again. He lowered his body against hers and she felt the weight for the first time. She moaned and arched into him, their clothes creating a barrier between the two. She moaned again and begged him with her eyes to give her what she needed.
“Please Draco!”

Hermione woke to her hand between her legs. She’d not touched herself since she’s been in Hogwarts. No…..there had been that one time when Ron had left her and Harry had been on watch outside the tent, but that barely counted. She was a bit disturbed that she’d had a dream about Malfoy.
Why did he affect her in that way? Was it because he’d been the most recent body she’d made contact with. His scent had intoxicated her mind and made her think naughty thoughts. Oh, but she wanted to be so naughty with him. Her cheeks burned red at the thought.
She groaned in aggravation at her traitorous thought. She’d not thought about anyone in a sexual way or felt desire in over 2 years. Closer to three. Not since her time in the Malfoy Manor. She didn’t understand her body’s behavior in regards to the man who’d seen her abuse firsthand. It didn’t make sense.
She went into the bathroom and took a shower. It was early in the morning and she figured Harry was still sleeping with James. She looked around and saw she’d forgotten clean clothes in her room. She mentally kicked herself.
Wrapping the towel around her body she walked back to her room, only to come face to face with Ginny Weasley Potter who looked stunned before her face became as red as her hair and Hermione knew she was about to explode, much like her brother.
Ginny had been home for about 20 minutes before making her way up the stairs. She paused seeing the room she’d once shared with Hermione opened. Her heart pounded. She then saw the brunette in question leaving the bathroom starkers, well wrapped in a towel but really!?!
Ginny wanted to think this was an innocent encounter, but after her night out with Blasé Zabini she immediately came to the conclusion that Harry bought his once friend home for the action he wasn’t getting from his wife. She felt a little guilt at that, but then outrage burned bright.
“Just what in the bloody hell do you think you’re doing here in my home Hermione?” Ginny screeched, whipping her wand out. Hermione’s eyes went wide. Ginny was off her rocker! Hermione had nothing really she could say that wouldn’t sound awful to the angry witch in front of her.
“Ginny, calm yourself. I was staying over. I’m going to be visiting Teddy today and Harry said I could stop in and stay here before we go. Would you care to join us?” Hermione tried to think. To appease the temperamental redhead. Ginny regarded her angrily.
“HARRY POTTER!” She screamed. Within moments they heard the cry of a child and muffled mumblings and stomping. Harry came down quickly, still in ruffled clothes from last night, his face even more harrowed than before. Carrying a distraught infant.
“Blimey Gin, I only got James to sleep about an hour or so ago. What’s wrong?” He hadn’t noticed the woman backed against the wall in her towel and a wand in her face. Ginny glared at him. He pulled his glasses from a pocket and placed them on his face. His eyes widened slightly as he surveyed the scene warily.
“What is she doing here naked Harry Potter?” Ginny spat at him. Harry rubbed his temples in exhaustion. He’d not expected Ginny to be jealous of Hermione. She was nothing more than a friend. What was her deal lately?
“I’m assuming she took a shower Gin. She came over because we had plans today to visit Teddy. We figured we’d catch up a bit last night, and she brought a teething toy for James as she’s never met him.” Harry explained.
“You’re sleeping with her!” Ginny accused. “It’s why you’re tired, you were up all night shagging her senseless in our marriage bed!” Hermione saw red at that.
“Excuse me Genevra Molly Potter! But I’ve never shagged anyone in my whole life, let alone Harry! He’s married, to you might I add!” Hermione didn’t feel bad admitting she was still a virgin, these two were still her friends.
“Gin, you also know that I’ve been up most every night this week with James because you’ve been late coming in from your post-baby training to get back to the Harpies. Can’t let Alicia keep your chaser spot can we? James was up for about five hours last night, refusing to go back to bed. You know bloody well he’s been fussy this week.” Harry added not raising his voice the way Hermione had. Ginny played for the Holyhead Harpies and Alicia Spinnet had been subbing for her in her absence.
Ginny seemed to consider their words and her face began returning to its normal color. She lowered her wand.
“You could have at least sent me an owl to tell me we’d have company. I would have loved to have joined you.” She smiled. Hermione frowned a bit at Ginny’s sickly sweet tone, like she wasn’t really wanting to believe them.
“Sorry Gin, it was a last minute thing. I’ll try to remember next time friends stop in.” Harry said and took the cranky James down to the first floor kitchens to make breakfast. Ginny glared once more at Hermione before stalking off to their bedroom.
“What in the bloody hell just happened?” Hermione muttered to no one and went back into her room. She opened her purse and unshrank her vodka. She drank a few gulps before capping it, shrinking it and putting it back in her purse. She then pulled her parchment and a pen out to write why she drank.
One: Irate Redheads who accuse you of things you haven’t done.
Two: Naughty dreams that you really don’t want to ponder.
After a second she thought about it and then she crossed the second one out and quickly got dressed.

XXXXXXXXX
Ron and Viktor clasped hands for the front cover of the Bulgarian Times. He had been a Keeper for the Bulgaria Quiddich team for about a year, since Lev Zograf had gone out on leave due to injury. Ron had been drafted from the Chudley Cannon’s. He had been ecstatic to finally achieve success outside of Harry and Hermione’s shadows.
They went out to celebrate their victory over Romania. After a few hours at the bar they walked towards the hotel arm in arm Ron humming a rendition of “Weasley is Our King.”
“So Ronald, do you still hear from Hermyowninny?” Viktor asked randomly. They’d avoided talking about her for the last eleven months, preferring safer topics, or just drinking and celebrating with women. Ron scowled for a second then brushed it off.
“Nah, haven’t talked to her in years. She went all barmy mate.” Ron giggled into his alcohol. Viktor was surprised at this.
“She seemed pretty together ven last I saw her, vat vas it, four or five years ago?” His thick brow furrowing in memory.
“The war changed people mate, she wasn’t the same afterwards.” Ron explained, and for the first time saw with clarity that he’d been in the wrong about the situation between the two of him. How had it taken him two years to figure it out? He had tried to put her back into her Pre-war box.
Pretending she was the same. That she wasn’t somehow effected by what all had been done and what all she had seen in the war. He wasn’t even sure what all she had been made to endure, being apart from her for some time during the Horcrux hunt, and then separated in Malfoy Manor where he had heard her screams but couldn’t be sure what exactly happened with her. She really hadn’t been the same.
“How many games do we have left before leave?” Ron asked suddenly, he was in desperate need to speak to her, to apologize. She was his first love, even if she wasn’t his “first” that he’d been with. That part of him had gone to Lavender. She’d been attacked in the final battle at Hogwarts and had barely survived her injuries from Fenrir Greyback.
She was now a bitten Werewolf. Her and Bill sometimes ran together, though Bill’s mate was Fleur, not Lavender. Ron still saw Lav sometimes, he even slept with her on occasion when home on leave or when she visited. They were exclusive, more like friends with benefits.
“About 6, another two months’ vorth. Practices are going to be doubling over the next few veeks because season is ending.” Ron frowned at Viktor’s words. Blimey, another two months. He supposed he could write an owl….maybe Harry could go and talk to her, but Harry wasn’t talking much to him either and Gin had been busy with the baby.
Ron decided to write to Gin and see if she’d put in a good word for him so Hermione might start thinking of taking him back before he came home. Smiling again at his plans he clapped Viktor on the back again and together they went into the hotel for some much needed rest.

XXXXXXXXXX

Hermione sat at her desk again on Monday and sighed. The new Centaur land dispute was going to be a pain. She’d have to go out to the property line and figure out the boundaries as well as talk to the two herd leaders….if she could even figure out who they were.
Centaur’s were not known for giving real answers nor were they good with communicating to others outside their species. For this dispute to have been brought to the Ministry’s attention someone was definitely breaking from the Centaur’s traditions.
She felt exhausted. After the whole fiasco with Ginny, Hermione had gone to breakfast alone, where she’d spiked her tea with a small shot bottle. She met Harry later in the day to go see Teddy. Ginny had come along but hadn’t really wanted anything to do with James or Teddy.
Ginny kept holding on to Harry’s arm and making sure Hermione noticed. Hermione was very puzzled at her behavior. She’d known Gin most of her life and had never acted possessive over Harry. Hermione almost thought she was overdoing it a bit. Andromeda had been very polite, and the four had enjoyed a lovely afternoon. Afterwards Hermione said her goodbyes, kissing both Teddy and James.
Hermione then spent all of Saturday and Sunday in her flat drinking heavily. She honestly didn’t remember what day it was until her alarm went off signaling for her to get up and ready for work. She pulled out her parchment since she obviously wasn’t going to get any work done on the land dispute case until she left to visit the property. She added a few things.

One: Irate Redheads who accuse you of things you haven’t done.
Two: Naughty dreams that you really don’t want to ponder. –Crossed out.
Two: Breakfasting alone because of someone’s serious trust issues
Three: Being glared at and made to feel uncomfortable for visiting with friends, their children, and godchild.
Four: Bored, nothing to do around the house
Five: Lonely, should really try to see what Nev and Hannah wanted a few weeks ago.
Six: Guilty of harming the most important people in my life.
Seven: Depressed over the hopelessness of everything.
Eight: Crazy naughty dreams again….. –Crossed out
Eight: Angry, no one to vent to, might as well have a drink.
Nine: Feeling pain for being stupid about messing up lives again
Ten: Might as well say that I drank all bloody Sunday….who cares, it’s my day off and no one was visiting anyways.
Hermione was happy with her list. This was the hardest and most honest she had ever been, but she still couldn’t write about what she’d done to her parent’s. She wasn’t the best at discussing her failures and that one was a colossal one. The one good thing was that she’d sent out an owl to Neville after she arrived to work to see when she could meet with him and Hannah to discuss whatever he had wanted to say last week in the café.
The first half of the week went well, she’d made it out to the property and found two herds living not-quite-so compatibly together. Each giving very good and valid reasons for their land being their herds. One had historical history, the other had familial history.
Hermione would have to do some digging to see what she could come up with on the actual land itself. It had taken her most of Monday, all day Tuesday and Wednesday to get the information from the centaur leaders. Vague lot that they were. Wednesday night she had to meet Neville at St. Mungo’s.
They were to meet in the Janus Thickey Conference Room # 2 at 7:30pm. It was almost 7 when Hermione made her way to the abandoned department store front and went into the hospital. She made her way to the correct floor and stopped in at the reception desk/mediwitch station. She signed herself in and made her way to the conference room.
Hermione met Hannah and Neville in the room both had been smiling and joking about a coworker before noticing Hermione. Both stood with smiled still on their faces and hugged the slight witch. Hermione smiled back and sat down at the table.
“We’d like to discuss with you and have you sign for alternative treatment to your parents’. Before you say no Hermione, this is working. It’s not completely permanent yet but it reverses spell damage temporarily and Hannah and I are making strives to improve the longevity of the time to stabilize the reversal into a more permanent state. We talk to Mum and Dad daily. They are improving Hermione!” Neville was so excited he could scarcely contain himself.
Hermione’s breath caught. They were trying to undo the damage she’d caused to her parents’? Improving with Alice and Frank Longbottom who’s been in the Janus Thickey Ward since the first Wizarding War over 21 years earlier.
“Hermione, can we give them the therapy potions and treatments?” Hannah asked gently. Hermione blinked realizing tears were falling down her cheeks. She nodded unable to say anything.
Hannah pushed a parchment over to her and handed her a quill. Hermione signed without even looking at it. If her friends could help her mum and dad she was all for it. The fact that they’d been experimenting with Neville’s parents’ and wanted to help hers was the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. She couldn’t believe that Neville and Hannah had done something so selfless for the greater good.
Hermione felt the familiar ache of being worthless again and smiled to her former classmates.
“I can’t tell you how much this means to me Nev, Hannah. Thank you. You can start whenever you’re ready. I’ve.” She took a tear filled shaky breath and continued. “I’ve got to go. Thanks again.” She gave them hugs and with tears in her eyes she made her way unseeing out of the hospital. She found her way to a muggle pub and went in.
She ordered a bottle of bourbon and a glass, placing the money on the counter. She drank it straight and loved the feeling of the whiskey as it went down her throat smooth. She drank half the bottle over the course of two hours and was a little unsteady on her feet. She took the bottle with her to the loo where she shrank it, tossed it in her purse and left out the door.
Hermione wasn’t sure where she was going but she couldn’t shake the feeling of worthlessness. She shook her head, clearing the haze again and thought of the one place that might not be so lonely and she could talk. She sobbed again and made her way down an alley, hiding in an entranceway Hermione apparated away with a pop.

XXXXXXX

Draco had been sitting at his office desk in the Manor going over some paperwork on the Nott domestic dispute. Apparently Theo and Pansy had more issues to work out than either let known to the public. Pansy had thrown a vase in a fit of rage at not getting her way or something like that and it had shattered against the side of poor Theo’s head. Theo had then brought her to counseling because of it.
Draco shook his head, he was very glad to have dodged that hex. Or if he’s been a muggle he would have used the word “Bullet”. He smirked at the muggle’s use of a weapon called guns. Who needed guns when you had magic that could send a hex or curse in less time then it took for a bullet to make impact. And the likelihood of a hex missing its intended target wasn’t as great as that of a bullet.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, he was getting a headache. The pop of apparation had Draco jumping up and pointing his wand in a menacing manner, until he saw a very distraught Hermione crumpled on the floor. She was sobbing her heart out and smelled very strongly of bourbon. A high quality one too Draco smiled, then realized that it wasn’t the time or place to be a snob.
Going over to her but not touching her, though his fingers twitched to help her from the floor he bent down.
“What happened?” He asked.
She just sobbed harder and thrust the parchment at him. It was her list. He read it.

Sat:
One: Irate Redheads who accuse you of things you haven’t done.
Two: Naughty dreams that you really don’t want to ponder. –Crossed out.
Two: Breakfasting alone because of someone’s serious trust issues
Three: Being glared at and made to feel uncomfortable for visiting with friends, their children, and godchild.
Four: Bored, nothing to do around the house
Five: Lonely, should really try to see what Nev and Hannah wanted a few weeks ago.
Six: Guilty of harming the most important people in my life.
Seven: Depressed over the hopelessness of everything.
Eight: Crazy naughty dreams again….. –Crossed out
Sunday
Eight: Angry, no one to vent to, might as well have a drink.
Nine: Feeling pain for being stupid about messing up lives again
Ten: Might as well say that I drank all bloody Sunday….who cares, it’s my day off and no one was visiting anyways.
Monday
Eleven: Miss my cat, friends, and family
Twelve: Disturbing dreams during the war
Tuesday
Thirteen: Anxious about meeting tomorrow night
Fourteen: Naughty dreams –crossed out
Fourteen: Weird dream that was very disturbing about the war
Wednesday
Fifteen: Anxious about meeting tonight
Sixteen: Meeting tonight-anxious, sad
Seventeen: Feeling horrible, worthless, incompetent, meeting finally over.

He didn’t even know what to say. She’d made progress but really had a low opinion of herself. It looked as if something had happened at Potter’s. He made her stand and sit on his couch. He sat at her side waiting for her to calm enough to talk about what happened. It was about nine thirty at night and he was exhausted.
It had been his day to sleep in and he’d had the whole Pansy-Theo thing happen at 7 this morning. She’d shown up in his bedroom flipping out on him about her husband. Theo had followed her right into his room still bleeding and they got into a row with him still half naked under his covers. He finally yelled for them to get the fuck out and let him dress.
Merlin, this really was a day from hell he thought for the thousandth time today.
After that fiasco with the Nott idiots he had finally had breakfast at ten. Went into the office in Diagon Alley and Potter had come to him with a case. A few hours working it he decided to lunch and his mother had yet again set him up with a lunch date. This time it was some woman named Jacqueline, but please call her Jacqui.
Horrible lunch followed by another case, this time from Dean Thomas, who was also an Auror. That case had taken a few more hours. He had dinner followed by another round with the two idiot Notts. Now this. He really did not want to be dealing with this. He had a headache and was too tired to be of any use to her right now.
“Granger, do you want to talk about any of these things? And why have you crossed three items out if they made you drink?” He asked as her sobs subsided a little. Hermione felt her heart sink lower in her chest. He would bring up the only thing she would never want to talk about.
“I hate myself.” She sobbed. “I did something t-terrible to my mum and dad.” His eyebrows raised in surprise, this was new. She’d not talked about them yet. He knew under the Dark Lord’s regime the Death Eater’s had been tasked with looking for them and disposing of them, but they’d failed in that task.
“Go on.” He cautiously prodded. She kept her face in her hands.
“I obliviated them during my time on the run and sent them away in hiding so they wouldn’t be killed. Afterwards when I went to reverse the spell, I ended up damaging them. They were driven mad. I did to them what B-Bellatrix had done to Nev’s parents’ without even throwing an unforgivable. Even though Obliviate should be an unforgivable…how could I have done that and then failed to reverse it.
“I’m worthless. I did not even try to figure out how to reverse the damage, I just took my failure and accepted it. Now someone might be able to reverse it and I feel even worse. They will hate me for making them lose going on 5 years of their life, if they are even able to live in some resemblance of their former manner.” She continued, her sobbing now ceased but her head still hanging in her hands.
“You did what you had to do Granger. They would be dead if you hadn’t sent them away.” Draco informed her gently.
“They’re no better than if they were dead right now Malfoy. They have no quality of life. Just sit in a room and stare. Can’t even talk to one another. I don’t even know if they are able to understand what is going on because of the damage to their mind. You’re a mind healer, you should be able to understand traumatic brain injuries and the like.” She said with an impassionate wave of her hand.
“I do know about spell damage and effects. But you said that Longbottom found a way to reverse the damages that were done to your parents’?” He asked and she nodded.
“And you feel that because he became a healer along with his wife to work towards reversing spell damages done to all residents in the JT Ward you are a failure?” Draco asked raising a brow hoping she’d see how ridiculous that sounded. She grinned for the first time that night.
“I suppose when you put it that way they just went into a different field than myself. Oh I am so stupid.” She groaned outing her head back in her hands.
The smartest witch of our generation and she thinks she’s stupid? Draco shook his head.
“Now, about your list. Want to talk about anything on it?” He asked.
“I wrote why I drank. Even wrote a few things about how I felt that led me to drink. It makes me sleep without dreams.” She said. Draco nodded looking at the list again. He really needed to sleep.
“I want you to delve into ways to handle the smaller things, without drinking. I get that you need to sleep throughout the night without nightmares or strange dreams, but try to find another way before drinking if you’re able. I would like you to start a new list. Work on that for the remainder of the week. Friday night we will go over the both of them.” Draco said confident that she was ok now to go home and not dwell on her guilt and self-worth.
He would start a confidence boosting assignment next week. He just couldn’t think straight to do it tonight. Hermione stood and nodded then without saying goodbye she apparated back to her home.
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