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Leaving His Love	By : Lissa Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 4668 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potty does not belong to me. I write for fun. No financial gains are ever made from my writings about the Wider Wizarding World. JKR owns it all.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
So for some unknown reason, this story is pretty quickly moving right along. I'm about 1/3 of the way done with chapter four, but I will need to spend some time on chapters 22 and 23 of WNF as Snow and I have a HUGE following of readers waiting for more over there, as well. I'll work on this around WNF as I can. Now that I know exactly where it's going, I can't imagine I won't have it finished within the next couple of weeks. Give Snow love, she's an amazing co-writer even if she's only acting BETA on this piece. xxxx ~Lissa
Chapter Three
BETA love: Snowblind12
Severus blinked once before standing aside and gesturing for her to enter. It was all he could do to contain the flood of emotions at the sight of her. He felt a flush of warmth creep up is neck and his breath quickened. He hadn’t seen this woman in just over twelve years. It was shocking that all these years later the mere sight of her shook him to his core. She had aged like a fine wine. Her frame was leaner, her face more angular, and her hair was longer and more tamed. She looked incredible. Beyond incredible.
And bollocks if he wasn’t still irrevocably in love with her.
He closed the door carefully, trying to hide the way he was reacting to her presence. It was too much – much too much. His mind was still shattered from the discovery of a fact that he was now sure of – as evidenced by Hermione’s presence. This appearance of the woman who had haunted his every dream for over a decade only added to the confusion and emotion of the day.
He shook his head minutely, trying to clear his thoughts, before he turned to her. “Would you like to sit down, Missus…?” He trailed off. It was underhanded of him, but he had to know if she was married. Perhaps Kyrie had her maiden name because she wasn’t her husband’s child.
Hermione paused before taking the seat he indicated. “I never married, Severus,” she said quietly. “It’s still Miss Granger. Although, if you’d like to get technical, you could call me Healer Granger.”
That caused his brows to rise as he retook his seat. “Congratulations,” he said softly. “When?”
“I started my residency in 2005,” she answered. “I finished it in 2009.”
“With a child? You maintained that schedule with a child?” His stomach dropped, he couldn’t imagine how difficult her life had been since he left her.
Since he left her to save her – and instead saddled her with an unexpected pregnancy.
Since he broke both of their hearts.
Hermione’s gaze stayed steadfastly focused on the fire crackling in the hearth they sat before. Her body language screamed her discomfort. Her fingers clenched on her knees so tightly her knuckles were white, and her shoulders were hunched. “I had a lot of help,” she murmured finally.
Of course, she had help. Her parents, the Weasleys, Potter. None of them would have ever let her down. Not like he had.
The silence stretched again, and Snape poured his fourth glass of firewhiskey to the brim before raising it and taking several deep gulps. He silently summoned another glass and poured a couple inches of the amber liquid into the bottom of it before handing it over to her. He watched her small hand reach out for it tentatively, despairing at the way she purposefully didn’t let their fingers meet.
Snape knew he wouldn’t insult her by asking why she hadn’t told him about their daughter. With what he had done to her – no matter how false it had been – he would have never told him, either. “What is she like?”
“Brilliant. Resourceful. Moody. Hot tempered. Brave…cunning.” For the first time since arriving at his door, her shoulders relaxed, and a small smirk crossed her face. She still hadn’t met his eyes, though. “She’s a Slytherin through and through. I had no doubt she would be Sorted into your House.”
A deep swell of pride filled Snape’s chest and he hastily brought his glass to his lips to help wash away the lump in his throat.
Hermione started again after a long pause, “I know –” she broke herself off. “I know that I should have told you, but I just…I couldn’t. I couldn’t see you again. Not –” She stopped abruptly before a brittle laugh left her. “Not after you broke my heart the way you did.”
Her voice was hard, and he couldn’t stop the wince. If only she knew how shattered his own heart was – would she forgive him? He had regretted what he had done from the moment it had happened. That feeling had intensified tenfold since the sudden and unexpected appearance of his daughter. His daughter. The daughter that was kept from him for twelve years. He felt anger rise in him like the waves upon the sand. He had no right to be angry, though, did he?
He wanted to scream his upset at her.
He wanted to break into tears.
More than anything, though, more than anything…he wanted to turn back the clock.
He wanted to go back to that night and take it all back.
Tell her the truth.
To not leave her in that hysterical heap on his bedroom floor.
She had been pregnant.
With his daughter!
He had a daughter.
Calmly he replied, “I understand.”
She looked at him then, and amber eyes met black for the first time in twelve years. “Do you?” she whispered.
No, but I will try to. “Yes.”
“Oh.” She ripped her eyes away from him and he realized she was sinking back in time just as he was….
It had been a week, and Severus had barely slept. He hadn’t realized how he had come to depend upon her warmth and comfort in his bed. He missed her…fiercely. He wondered what she was doing; he wondered if she was okay. Neither of her dunderheaded friends had contacted him, which he found odd. He had expected them to break his door down. Threaten him with castration and death. The fact that they hadn’t turned up yet was puzzling.
She knew she had terrified her friends. They had found her in a limp mess of hysterics when they had come for her. She had barely taken in their words. Snape had sent for them – he had asked them to come. This niggled something in the back of her mind, something she couldn’t quite grasp. She was utterly destroyed. He had shattered her into a million pieces.
Days later, and the boys were still trying to coax her out of bed at all hours of the day. She knew she was being silly, life had to go on, but she was so heartbroken she was positively sick with it. The emotional sickness had turned into physical sickness.

Almost two weeks later, they found her in her en suite bathroom of her room at Grimmauld Place, vomiting spectacularly into the toilet. When she had told them she was pregnant – they were furious. They called Snape every horrible name under the sun and threatened to find him and murder him. She had forced them to take wand oaths never to reveal her condition.
Snape couldn’t believe almost a year had passed. It felt like only yesterday he had left her. He missed her more with every day. He had tried so many times to move on. He had had a couple of dates, of which ended with the witch screaming obscenities at him for being a total arse. He had tried for a couple of one-night stands, hoping that meeting his physical needs would help him forget her. He couldn’t even get it up – nothing aroused him…
…until her. The dainty little thing with long, unruly brunette hair. They had met in a Muggle pub. It was obvious she was as broken as he. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend it was her. He did for a time. Allowed her to take him to her flat. Allowed her to undress him, to bring him to full attention. To wrap her lips around his cock…
But when black eyes met brilliant blue instead of wide doe-like orbs, he had jerked away from her, sputtering his apologies. Telling her he couldn’t do this – that she wasn’t the one he wanted. She had watched him go silently. He tried to forget it had ever happened.
Ronald was down on one knee in front of her, holding out a box that had a small, solitaire diamond on a white gold band. Had she heard him correctly? She was holding a seven-month-old Kyrie in her arms, there was milk spit-up in her hair, and she hadn’t showered for three days as finals had just ended for the term. He couldn’t be serious, could he?
Hermione looked at her sweet, well-meaning best friend for a solid minute before bursting into tears.
“Hermione…oh, Hermione!” Ron let the ring box fall from his hand as he leapt to his feet to wrap her and her daughter into his long, strong arms. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. Are you alright?”
She clung to him and sobbed all the harder, which caused her daughter to start crying, as well. Hermione pulled away from Ron to sooth Kyrie. Once the little girl had stopped crying and Hermione was able to distract the child with some toys upon the floor, she returned to him and cupped his face in both of her hands.
“Thank you,” she whispered with utter sincerity. “I love you for what you’re trying to do, but Ron, I want you to be happy and in love with your wife. I want you to have a family all of your own. I’m so broken, Ron, we’d never be happy. Not the way you deserve to be.”
Ron covered her hands with his own before he laced their fingers together and brought them to his lips and to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. “I don’t know about that,” he murmured before touching his forehead to hers. “You’re already my family. It might not be terribly romantic, what we have, but it’s a foundation built on years of amazing friendship.” The words were sweet and caused more tears to slide down Hermione’s cheeks. At the same time, she felt a bit of a rising panic in her chest. He was serious; he had thought about this. It wasn’t some rash offer done out of pity for her. Before she could speak, he continued.
“I would do anything to see you happy, Mia.” Ron pressed another kiss to her forehead. Her anxiety only increased as he made to kiss her lips. She turned her head, causing the buss to fall onto her cheek. She leaned into him to lessen the rejection, but she knew that he knew what it meant. His voice was softer and more understanding when he spoke again. “I would do my best to be a good husband to you, Hermione, and a good father to Kiki.”
Hermione wrapped her arms tightly around one of her best friends in the world and clung on silently. She breathed a slow, controlled sigh of relief when his arms pulled her closer to his chest. “You have…absolutely no idea how much your words mean to me, Ron,” she whispered after a time. “And you’re right, you would be an amazing father and a wonderful husband…just not for me.” She pulled away and felt awful to find a small frown on his face and confusion in his eyes.
“I love you, Ron. I love you so much, but I’m in love with him. I am not over him…even after all these months. I don’t know if I will ever be over him. That would never, ever be fair to you.” She took a deep breath and cut him off when he made to protest. “I want you to find a love you can’t live without. I want you to have a family all of your own. I will always be your family, Ron, but you and I both know that I am not the witch you’re supposed to marry.”
Her heart lightened when understanding lit in his eyes. The look of relief on his face almost made her cry again, but she was so grateful that he understood what she was saying and wasn’t offended that she was able to continue with no tears. “It’s because I love you and I want you to be happy that I have to tell you no, I cannot marry you.”
“You’re right,” Ron murmured and gave her a rueful smile. “But you already know that you’re right, you brilliant witch.” She nodded and laughed gently along with him before allowing him to pull her into another tight embrace.
She had the most amazing friends.
He resigned himself to never getting over her. In the beginning he had thought that he would. Hell, he had gotten over Lily – right?

He had been so wrong.
Instead he threw himself into his Potions research. If he wasn’t teaching or grading or fulfilling his duties as a Hogwarts professor, he was researching. He had published dozens upon dozens of articles. He had patented twenty new potions in the last seven years. Anything to keep his mind off of her. Anything to fill the hole in his heart.
Hermione Granger had truly ruined him. He couldn’t even have meaningless sex anymore.
And it was all his fault.
She vowed she wouldn’t date anymore as she glanced up at Charlie to find him watching her sadly. They had been dating for almost six months. He wanted to move things to the next level and she just…couldn’t. Every time she had tried to sleep with a man in the last ten years, it had gone bad. She was tired of hurting good men. Snape had ruined her. It appeared he would be her one and only.
“Take care of yourself, Hermione,” Charlie told her gently.
“You too, Charlie,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shh,” he murmured before kissing her forehead. “I just wish you could be happy, Hermione. It’s not like I hadn’t been warned. You told me yourself that you didn’t think this was a good idea.”
“I care about you so much,” Hermione answered brokenly. “I just…can’t.”
“Kyrie’s dad did a number on you, I get it.” Charlie’s voice was sad. He knew who her daughter’s father was but was unable to say his name. Seeing him so hurt, Hermione found herself grateful that she never allowed the men she tried to date access to her daughter as a surrogate father-figure. How many times would she have broken Kyrie’s heart the same way she had hurt Charlie…? Lee Jordan…? Theo Nott…?
Charlie Weasley had been the worst of the three, though. He had fallen in love with her, had left a long-term girlfriend for her, even though she had told him not to. However, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and she had finally decided to try. He should have been perfect; he had made her feel so warm and alive again. He already loved Kyrie as a surrogate niece; he would have made a wonderful father for the girl. When it had come down to it, however; when it had been time to take that next step – Hermione had been unable to be intimate with Charlie. Only Severus was Kyrie’s father. Only Severus was her lover. Only him. Forever him.
Severus Snape had truly broken her beyond repair.
When they came back to themselves, they both glanced at each other in embarrassment. It was Severus who broke the silence. “Does she know?”
“She does.”
“What must she think of me?” he murmured, almost to himself. Snape wanted to scream at her but kept his voice calm. If he she had just told him…he would have...
What?
What would you have done?
Crawled back to her?
She would never have had you back.
“She knows the truth, Severus,” Hermione said softly. He whipped his face to hers, glaring alarmingly.
Hermione gulped and understood his upset quickly. “No. Not that truth. She knows that we had a bad break and that I chose to not tell you of her existence. That’s the truth she knows. It’s up to you what you tell her now.”
There was a moment of silence as he calmed, his expression taking on a guilty look. “Well, if that’s all, then.” He stood, but Hermione remained resolutely planted in her chair.
“There’s one more thing,” she stated firmly, her tone caused him to retake his seat.
“And what is that?” he was finding his old snark and cool attitude as the shock of the evening faded. It rose defensively at the harsh look on her face, she was going to scold him or threaten him. He was right.
“If you hurt her – I will kill you.” It was a statement of fact.
He couldn’t stop his anger. He bolted to his feet in an achingly nostalgic billow of robes as a wave of rage crashed around him. “How dare you imply that I would hurt her! She’s my daughter for Merlin’s sake! I love her, and I don’t even know her! You’ve kept her from me for almost twelve years!”
“Do you love her like you loved me?!” Hermione wasn’t able to stop her own tumultuous feelings from breaking through. “Like you l-loved m-e?!” she repeated and hated the way her voice broke over the words the second time. “I kept her from you because I couldn’t let you do to her what you did to me! If I could keep you from her still, I would! I would – because you destroyed me! And if you do it to her, if you destroy her like you did me, I will kill you!”
Severus took a step back in horror. He felt the tears that careened down her face like icicles piercing through his heart. He had been so very wrong. The guilt he had lived with for years intensified beyond his ability to cope with it. He drew the flat of his palm down his face as he spun away from her and held it covering his mouth as he tried to stifle his own pain. She hadn’t moved on either, had she? She was bitter and cold and the tears on her cheeks told him that she wasn’t lying to him. He had destroyed her.
How could he ever forgive himself? She had been his everything – he had thought he was doing the right thing. He had lived with the ache of his love for her every day for twelve miserable years. Believing that she had moved on, found love, and was happy had been the only thing that had kept him going. He couldn’t have been more delusional, apparently.
Finding out that she had done none of those things – but instead had raised his daughter in a lonely, solitary existence – crushed his already broken heart. He steeled himself and tried to regather some calm indifference. She would never believe him if he told her what was going through his mind. If he broke down and told her the truth, she would laugh at him and call him a liar. She would never, ever trust him again. He knew this because if their roles were reversed, he would never be able to believe her either.
He decided quickly that he wouldn’t even try. He would, however, endeavor to be the best father to that little girl that he could be. He would try to make up for the years he missed. He could do this for Hermione, he could do this for Kyrie, and he could do this for himself.
“I will not hurt her, Miss Granger,” he said in a cool tone. “I will get to know her. I will be her teacher and I will do my best to be a good father to her.”
He turned back to her to find her skeptical expression and had to hold back a sneer of frustrated hurt. “I would have done the same thing all those years ago, if you had just told me.”
He didn’t blame her for the confusion that flickered across her features. She had lived the last decade plus thinking he had never cared for her. She had believed him when he had told her he never loved her. Merlin…if she only knew. They could have been so very, very happy. They could have raised their daughter together. Maybe they would have married. Maybe they would have had more children.
He had ruined everything.
He deserved the pain that was filling his chest.
“I am going to retire. I have a long week ahead of me. Let me see you out.”
Her dumfounded expression did not change, and it seemed she was unable to speak because she followed him blindly across the room. He told her goodnight and she answered in turn. Her bewildered eyes were still searching his face as he closed the door. The look she left him with was branded into his mind for the rest of the night as, for the first time since his childhood, Severus cried himself to sleep.
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Leaving His Love