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Learning Life Over	By : Meander Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 69712 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 29
- 30
- 31
Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! I know it
was somewhat of a cruel cliffhanger, but hopefully this chapter makes up for
it.

Chapter 30- The Duel

�� Harry
landed in dimness, and half-stumbled to one knee. His free hand, the one not
clutching the Portkey, shot out to brace him, even as his brain went to work
and he realized what had happened.

�� Malfoy
tricked me. The goddamn bastard!

�� The walls
around him trembled, and Harry became aware that he could break out whenever he
liked, despite being surrounded with strong wards. He bared his teeth in a
fierce snarl, and set to work dashing his wandless magic against the wards,
even as he drew his wand and shot a Finite Incantatem at the door.

�� The spells
held up better than he expected for a long while. Harry supposed the room was
meant to be a refuge for the Malfoys in a time of danger. There was no other
reason to have one room in the whole Manor so heavily protected.

�� He didn�t
care, though. He had broken into Dark wizards� strongholds that were just as
fortified. He would win free, and then go back to the Ministry. If he
absolutely had to, he could ask Madam Bones to provide him with protective
custody from Malfoy, or file those abduction charges he�d been wanting to hold
off on. For God�s sake, Malfoy just didn�t know when to stop-

�� And then
the door opened. Harry surged backward, his wand pointing directly at it, all
his senses singing. He thought a house-elf might have stood there, but instead
if was Draco- Malfoy- staring at him with an expression somewhere between
bemusement and anticipation.

�� You don�t
give up easily, do you, Harry?� he asked.

�� Just let
me the fuck out of here,� Harry said, as evenly as he could while adrenaline
was running through his veins and his magic snapped around him like banners in
a high wind. �I�ve caused you more trouble than I can possibly have been worth.
You can still save yourself legal action- �

�� Malfoy�s
answer was to lift his wand and fire a Body-Bind at him.

�� Bastard!
Harry snarled and rolled out of the way, nearly colliding with the bed that
stood in one corner of the room. His Auror instincts warned him in time,
though, and he drew his legs up close to his chest and focused on throwing
Malfoy out the door with wandless magic.

�� Draco
turned his helpless slide into a roll, so that he bounced off the edge of the
doorway and came back in. His eyes shone, and his hair flapped, and altogether
he was enjoying himself too much for Harry�s taste, which just inspired the
rage in Harry�s chest to new heights of frenzy.

�� You don�t
have a clue what it�s like, to watch the man you almost love trying to commit
suicide,� Draco whispered. �You�ve frozen yourself since the Weasleys died. But
you know what, Harry? I�m going to make sure you know every single one
of those emotions. You�re so afraid of feeling them, the best test is to make
you face them. I�ll- �

�� With an
inarticulate cry, Harry swept his hand away from his body and moved it in front
of him. Draco fell, hard, gasping as the tumble smacked the air out of his lungs.
Harry moved in a leap, like a leopard, and then he sat on Draco�s chest, trying
to wrest his wand away from him and pin his arms behind his back at the same
time.

�� Draco
locked his legs around Harry�s waist and threw him up and forward. Harry�s head
collided with the wooden floor, and his muscles went limp for an instant. Then
Draco�s wand dug into his throat.

�� If you�d
just listen, Harry,� Draco said evenly, �the way that you were before we went
back, and you decided it was easier to break your promises and back away from
your decisions- �

�� Shut the
fuck up,� Harry said, and glared at him. Draco might have him in what was
essentially a helpless position, but he didn�t have the advantage of Harry�s
wandless magic. And Harry was more than angry enough right now to use it.

�� He
concentrated, and Draco went flying away from him as if blasted. He staggered
to a stop near the bed, his hand ripping furrows in the blankets. Harry flipped
to his feet and aimed his own wand again.

�� Caeco,�
he snapped.

�� Protego,�
Draco said at the same time, and Harry�s Blinding Curse bounced off the shimmer
of the Shield Charm and back at him, which made Harry duck and roll beneath it.
His mind was working cleanly and clearly now, though, through the repertoire of
spells that he always used when he wanted to bring a suspect in alive.

�� Incarcerous,�
he intoned, but Draco had already moved, scrambling across the bed and plunging
down on the far side, so the ropes shot around and coiled uselessly on nothing.
Harry snarled.

�� The bed
rose, whirled into the air by his magic, and shattered against the far wall.
Harry ducked flying splinters and chunks of wood and cloth, his eyes on Draco,
who appeared to be chanting an incantation much too long for battle under his
breath.

�� Stupefy,�
Harry said, but Draco threw himself completely flat to avoid the red beam of
the Stunner, and in a second was on his feet, his wand flicking at Harry.
Either the incantation was nonverbal, or the spell he�d been preparing before
was this one, and all that remained was the wand movement.

�� Harry felt
an odd shifting sensation in his head, and then a barrier of some sort came
down. He stiffened, wondering if Draco knew Legilimency, or a spell that could
mimic it, and had just delved into his mind.

�� Draco
breathed a quick word, touching his wand to his own chest, and then Harry was
flooded with emotions that weren�t his own. He knew they were probably Draco�s,
but they were all focused on him, and that made it quite different from
just feeling Draco�s irritation at a stain on his robes.

�� Exasperation.
Fondness. Determination. A wavering combination of lust and infatuation that
might tip over the edge into love any moment now. A fascination that wasn�t
anything like the momentary attractions that he�d had to other lovers. Pity-

�� That
emotion was the one that made Harry shake his head furiously, trying to break
the connection, and toss his arm out, palm flat towards Draco. Another enormous
force seized him and slammed him backwards, this time into the wall. Harry
definitely heard a dull crack.

�� And then
Draco moaned, and slid limply down the wall to the floor.

�� Harry
shook. He stood where he was, with eyes fixed on Draco and a sick feeling
growing in his chest, especially when Draco didn�t stand, but just lay where he
was, head occasionally moving sideways an inch or two.

�� Three
moments later, Harry cursed helplessly and sped across the room to him. He
dropped to one knee beside him, supporting Draco�s shoulders gently with one
hand and using the fingers of the other to feel the back of his head. No lump
that he could find, luckily, and no blood that he could see, which probably
meant that he�d snapped something else. A limb? A rib?

�� The
sickness grew, and he clenched his teeth against vomiting. God, this was
just the kind of thing Theresa had warned him against, when she�d said that he
might turn into a Dark Lord. Did he want to hurt innocent people? Did he
enjoy it?

�� And no, he
didn�t, but he thought that anyone standing in the room for the last few
minutes would have good reason to believe otherwise.

�� Draco, I�m
sorry,� he said frantically, easing Draco down so that he rested in his lap and
feeling his left arm with careful fingers. Draco arched his neck and moaned
when Harry reached the elbow, and Harry winced. He�d had a broken elbow
himself, and they hurt like mad. �I�m so sorry,� he whispered, and stroked
Draco�s hair. Then he raised his voice. �Trippy!�

�� The
house-elf appeared with a pop, and gave him a stern look. Harry ignored it. All
he really wanted was a potion to help Draco; she could give him a lecture
later. �Bring a potion to heal a broken arm,� he said tightly. �An elbow,
specifically.� He let his fingers hover over the wound, not sure he should
touch it again. Even the slightest jolt on his own had sent arrows of pain
arcing through him.

�� Trippy said
in a stiff voice, �Trippy is helping Master Draco,� and vanished. Harry put his
head back until he leaned against the wall, and murmured an immobilizing spell
on Draco�s arm, so that he couldn�t move it accidentally in his half-daze and
do himself an injury.

�� And over
and over, the thought repeated in his head. God, what am I doing? What am I
becoming? And for what? For the sake of winning an argument?

�� He wondered
if Draco would hate him after this. Not that Harry would blame him if he did,
but then he would have to know it had come about through his own stupidity,
rather than just through his determined attempts to drive Draco away from him
and make up him take up some other hobby than Harry-baiting.

�� And then
Draco tried to move.

�� Draco?�
Harry bent over him at once. �Don�t do that. You�ve broken your elbow. Trippy�s
coming back with a potion. Just hold still now.� He heard his voice descend
into the soft croon that he used with victims injured by Dark wizards but still
alive when the Aurors got there. �I promise, it�ll be all right. And God, I�m
sorry. I don�t know what got into me.� He ran his fingers over Draco�s
forehead.

�� You know
exactly what got into you, his conscience retorted. The desire to have
your own life instead of sharing it.

�� Harry
swallowed. The best he could hope for from this, he realized, was that Draco
would know how fundamentally unstable he was and give up trying to help him. It
was better for Draco�s health that Harry went back to the Ministry. Not all the
apologies in the world could make up for this.

*

�� Draco
hadn�t broken his elbow.

�� He knew
that if he had, he would be in a world of pain by now. He had banged it
rather badly, enough that little frissons of pain ran down his arm when he
tried to move it, but there was no fracture there.

�� He would
pretend there was, though, because it was the best tactic- if one he hadn�t
anticipated using- to get Harry to do what he wanted him to. Oh, yes.

�� Draco
admitted now that the idea of simply testing his magical strength against Harry
and doing his best to confine him was stupid. Harry was always going to win in
a one-on-one battle, unless he was drunk or had one hand tied behind his back,
because he was simply stronger. So Draco would have to do something else if he
wanted Harry to stay in the Manor and take up his promises again.

�� Guilt was
an excellent motivator. Draco hadn�t wanted to use it, but, on the other hand,
Harry was being irrational right now. So Draco groaned pitifully, waited until
he heard the pop that meant Trippy was back in the room, and then whispered,
�Did she come back with the potion yet?�

�� Trippy is
here!�

�� The
house-elf bustled up and tried to remove him from Harry�s arms as she fed him the
potion, though Harry clung to him and seemed reluctant to let him actually go.
Draco sighed as he felt the pain in his elbow fade entirely. The potion would
normally take some hours to work with a broken bone, which was only more proof
that he wasn�t as badly hurt as Harry thought he was.

�� Not that he
was about to let on, of course. He let his right hand clasp his elbow, and
winced. Harry flinched in sympathy, and then murmured, �Do you want me to take
you to your room, Draco?�

�� Yes,
please,� Draco whispered, striving for the tone he�d used when he was doing his
best to convince his mother he was sick as a child.

�� Luckily,
Harry had never known Draco then, and didn�t have Narcissa�s finely-tuned ears
for a lie. He nodded fervently and levitated Draco with Mobilicorpus,
steering him tenderly around the edge of the door and out into the hallway. He
paused then, not having a clue where to go, but Draco directed him in a small
voice, now and then breaking off to utter pained whimpers. By the time they did
reach his bedroom, Harry was practically sweating with anxiety. He lowered
Draco to rest against his pillows as if he were a kitten with a broken leg, and
then arranged the blankets around him slowly, gently.

�� I�m so
sorry,� he said, when that was done, and he stood by the bed twisting his
hands. �You must hate me now.�

�� Draco
bravely lifted his head and met Harry eye-to-eye. �I don�t hate you,� he said.
�But- I don�t know if I can trust you, Harry.� He sighed as he spoke.

�� Harry
glanced miserably away from him. �I know,� he said. �I haven�t ever injured
someone like that in all the time I�ve been an Auror, Draco. That just shows
that I shouldn�t be here. I�ll hurt you again. I appreciate all you tried to do
for me. When I go back to the Ministry, I- �

�� Harry,�
Draco said quietly.

�� The tone of
his voice made Harry stop babbling, though he was still staring at the door of
the room instead of Draco.

�� Look at
me.�

�� Reluctantly,
Harry turned his head back. Draco remembered just in time to use his right arm
instead of the �broken� left one, and tenderly cupped Harry�s cheek with his
hand.

�� I want you
to start living up to your promises,� he said. �That will help me, and you,
more than any futile protests about not using your wandless magic again. If Theresa�s
right, this is just the first of many outbursts that will get steadily worse.
You need to heal, to make sure that this doesn�t happen again, either to
me or to someone you could wind up killing.�

�� Harry sat
down on the edge of the bed as if all the strength had left his legs. �I don�t
see how I can,� he whispered.

�� You were
making progress before we went to the Ministry,� Draco reminded him, running
one finger along the edge of Harry�s lower lip. �You were listening to me, and
Theresa. What changed, Harry?�

�� Harry
closed his eyes. �The Ministry,� he said. �I just- I have to work,
Draco. I have to save other people. How can I just relax when I know that there
are people out there I can help?�

�� Draco
followed his hand with his mouth, despite Harry�s anxious murmurs about his
left elbow, kissing the side of Harry�s face, and then pulling him around for a
deeper kiss on the lips. Harry succumbed without protest, and Draco made it
gentle, pulling back after a few moments.

�� Other
Aurors can help them, Harry,� he whispered. �You�re not the only one in the
Ministry.�

�� Madam
Bones said I�m the best one.�

�� Draco
suffered a surge of rage, but he did his best to keep his voice level. �Even if
you are, that shouldn�t mean they want you worked to death and so exhausted
that your magic lashes out at all and sundry. They�re using you, Harry,
can�t you see that? Playing on your guilt complex to make you do what they
want.�

�� So are
you, his mind told him.

�� Yes, but
I�m doing it to better Harry�s life, Draco pointed out. They�re just
doing it for their own glory.

�� The little
voice fell silent. It didn�t take that much to salve Draco�s conscience,
really.

�� They don�t
think of it like that,� Harry whispered.

�� Draco
paused. At least Harry was thinking about the way the Ministry used him, then,
which was a mark of progress he hadn�t expected. �How do they think of it,
then, Harry? Or how do you think they think of it?�

�� Harry�s
eyes opened, staring earnestly into his. �Someone has to get the work done,� he
said. �I�m the one who can. I�m good at that, Draco, and I don�t mind
sacrifices of my time. And, with my name- well, I could be a real liability if
I chose to be. I could be one of those spoilt brats who throws a fit every time
something in the office isn�t exactly to his liking. It pays for me to keep my
head down, really. It spares them headaches while they try to decide what to do
with me.�

�� He
hesitated, one hand playing with the blankets. Draco let go of his face to take
the hand and stroke it. �And?�

�� Harry met
his gaze again. �And everyone else has a family, or close friends,� he said.
�Well. Nearly everyone. They just- they need to go home, Draco, and
spend time with them.� He tried a smile, which collapsed and died in the face
of Draco�s unrelenting stare. �And I don�t,� he finished, more quietly. �So I
can work more, because there�s no one to mourn if something happens to me.�

�� Draco had
to work hard to draw a breath through his fury. �You�re making it sound as if
your life is less important than theirs, Harry,� he pointed out.

�� It is,�
Harry said, with a blink. �Surely you can see that?�

�� No, I can�t
fucking see that,� Draco bit out, deciding some anger was safe. Harry would
probably attribute part of it to his �injury.�

�� It is,�
Harry said, face turning adamant. �I told you, Draco. No one to mourn. A name
that�s an inconvenience as much as it�s a convenience. A life that hasn�t been
spent doing anything noteworthy or useful but catching Dark wizards. I can only
do what I�m good at. Without that, why am I alive?�

��

�� God, Draco
wanted to kill them, though who the �them� were- the Dursleys, who were
probably responsible for making Harry feel like this in the first place, or the
Ministry- he didn�t know.

�� But that
wasn�t productive right now. Instead, he smothered the need for vengeance and
leaned forward until his face rested against Harry�s. Harry accepted the
gesture, though he looked confused.

�� Harry,�
Draco whispered. �You do have someone who cares about you now. You matter to me-
I can�t even say how much, but that spell let you feel it.� He could swear he
actually felt Harry�s cheek become cooler beneath his own, as he turned pale.
�If you treat your life like it�s a piece of shit, you affect not only
yourself, but also me. That�s why I want you to stay here, and try to recover.
Of course your life matters even if you can�t catch a Dark wizard. Can
you see yourself as the victim you have to save this time? Or me?�

�� Harry
closed his eyes and shivered. When Draco pulled back, he could see Harry swallowing
rapidly, again and again.

�� It�s just-
� Harry murmured.

�� Yes?�
Draco encouraged, never taking his right hand from Harry�s hair, where it had
migrated to stroke and soothe.

�� I�m not good
at anything else.�

�� You don�t
need to be,� Draco said. �I promise. Stay here, Harry, and we�ll try to unlearn
whatever it was you learned that convinced you of that horrid idea.�

�� The
Ministry won�t like it.�

�� The
Ministry can suck my cock.�

�� Harry gave
a watery laugh, and glanced again at Draco�s left elbow. �I should go,� he
said. �Let you rest.�

�� Draco kept
his hand in place. �Will you promise me to stay?�

�� He could
practically feel the battle raging in Harry, as all the old ideas and instincts
clashed with the new one that said his life actually mattered to someone beyond
himself, Auror or not. And then Harry licked his lips, and nodded.

�� Draco
closed his eyes in relief, and tried to hide it with a yawn. �Good,� he said,
and snuggled down against the pillows as Harry quietly departed the room.

�� He knew
they still had a distance to walk. He truly believed, now, that Harry would
have killed himself if some accident had happened that rendered him useless to
the Ministry. He had been completely and profoundly alone.

�� But every
small victory they could achieve made it likelier they would achieve another
one. And Draco counted getting Harry to rebel against his ingrained instincts
as a major victory, not a small one.

�� Even if
I did have to use guilt.

*********

�� SLQ: It was
chance that brought Harry to the Ministry, but once he was there, he did pretty
much slip straight back into his addiction. He didn�t believe he could go back
and then leave; he didn�t think that far ahead at all. He wants to be
there. He�s absolutely addicted to his work, and he has additional reasons for
wanting it, as you saw in this chapter.

�� Fallangelsquill:
Well, that would have caused an interesting expression on Madam Bones�s face,
at least!

�� Addy: Not
entirely sure what you mean (though I suppose this chapter might partially count).
At this point, Draco is very much in control of himself and the situation, and
wouldn�t want to hand Harry the additional guilt of a breakdown. I suppose he
might have one later. As I literally don�t know what the chapter will do before
I write it, I don�t know if that�s in the future or not.

�� Obsidian
Phoenix: Part of the answer is in this chapter: No one is close enough to Harry
to realize what a fa�ade he puts on. He has no friends, his partners always
move on after a few months working with him, and not even Madam Bones sees him
all that often, because he doesn�t screw up and get dragged into the office on
a regular basis. His act was good enough to fool most people, and no one poked
or prodded enough, until Draco, to realize it was an act. Harry wanted
to be useful, and they were happy enough to make him useful.

�� Madlodger:
The Ministry is not going to be pleased, I assure you.

�� Rhiannon
Uerch Llewelyn: Er, sorry about that? But this chapter, as a bonus, has no
cliffhanger.
- 29
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Learning Life Over