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Darkness Within The Light	By : crimson96 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 8759 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 29
- 30
- 31
Author's Notes: Hello everyone! First Eris and I would like to wish everyone here a Happy 4th of July holiday weekend. Well, here is chapter 30! Quite a fascinating chapter. So we are sure that everyone will enjoy it very much. Again, as always, our thanks to you, the readers, who take the time to sit down and read our story. We always welcome comments, and reviews. Or if you want to drop an e-mail simply saying hello, we welcome that as well.

WARNING!

One last note before you get to reading the chapter. This chapter does contain scenes of homosexual sexuality. If you don't like this, or find this act to be offensive, then we recommend that you skip the scenes.

Other than the one warning, we say have fun, and enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 30 : Broken

A loud crash jolted Harry from some dark, tangled dream. His heart raced, adrenaline purging all traces of sleep from his body. He registered the sight of Draco sprawled on the floor, scrambling to get to his hands and knees. Janus stood silhouetted in the doorway for a brief moment before slamming the door closed.

Avoiding the broken glass, Harry fumbled for the light switch as Draco struggled to his feet. The light snapped on to show Draco pulling a shard from his cheek. His eyes shone with the beginnings of tears, and his hands bled from innumerable tiny cuts. He made a motion to dust off his robe and winced as even more shards dug into his hands.

"Are you still going to defend him?" Draco displayed his bleeding palms.

"That depends. What did you do?"

"Nothing! I was only... exploring. Janus didn't like that I found his secret dungeon, and then the bloody cat made me break all of the glassware, and then- what exactly is it you find funny?" Draco lunged for Harry but stopped to howl in pain as a piece of mirror cut into his foot.

Harry forced his face into a neutral expression. "Secret dungeons and sinister cats. Are you sure you didn't break into Janus' stash of firewhiskey?"

"He doesn't drink firewhiskey. That would be too bloody normal for Janus!" Draco balanced on his left foot as he pulled a shard from the sole of his right. "He drinks... something vile. I know the smell of it from Snape's room, but I can't quite place it. He has bottles and bottles, er had bottles and bottles of it. He's been brewing it in a cellar.

"And he lied to us about his name! There were pictures in a trunk. Pictures of him with the name James Ward. That's when the bloody cat startled me, and then he came home..." Draco shuddered. All the usual contempt had gone out of his voice. "I don't know who he is... I don't know what he is, but we have to get out of here."

"When he put you in here, he didn't know the mirror was broken." Harry said gently. "He might have been afraid you would hurt yourself-"

"You're not listening! He's insane, and his eyes, they change... He's stronger than he looks, stronger than he should be! He hauled me up the stairs like I was a child, and he said..." Draco frowned, and his voice dropped with his next words, which were spoken in an imitation of Janus' accent. "'One way or another, Malfoy, after what you done this time, I'm through with you.'"

Harry turned the words over in his mind, imagining them coming from Janus as the man's eyes grew preternaturally dark. Even in his mind, the effect was chilling. "I won't let him hurt you," Harry promised. "He'd have to go through me first, and he wouldn't-"

"You don't know that! And in case you hadn't noticed, I'm already hurt!"

"I noticed." Harry sighed. He considered using magic to clean up the glass and heal Draco's cuts, but that would only make Janus angrier. Instead, he picked up Draco's dirty clothes from the corner and laid them over the broken glass. "Walk on this," he instructed. "Get away from the glass."

"Like I need to be told..." Draco muttered, taking a step forward.

"Wait! You have bits of glass in your clothes, too." Harry pointed to the glittery dusting that peppered Draco's robe.

"Bloody stupid Janus and his damned cat!" Draco groaned angrily, lifted his robe over his head, and threw it down. "I'll bet you love this, Potter." After stepping away from the glass, he turned in a slow circle, wearing only a pair of dark green satin shorts. "It's what you've been wanting, isn't it?"

Harry sighed, raised his hand to his face, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose a few times, trying to dispel the nearly-constant headache that had been with him since Draco had shown up on his doorstep. When he opened his eyes again, Draco had stepped closer to him, almost as close as they had been in the store washroom.

"Do that again," Harry said. "Turn around."

"Why? Didn't get a good enough look at my arse the first time?"

"I- no! I mean, yes, er-" Harry flushed. "You have a piece of glass stuck in the back of your neck." Since Draco remained fixed in place, Harry rested his forearms on Draco's shoulders and fumbled for the piece of glass with his fingers. When Harry pulled the shard free, Draco's muscles tensed, and he swore under his breath.

"See?" Harry stepped back and held up the shard.

Draco snatched it out of his hand and threw it onto the floor with the rest. He didn't watch the shard skitter across the floor but instead kept his eyes fixed on Harry, who was suddenly aware of the fact that, like Draco, he wore only a pair of boxer shorts. Draco's face was twisted with some unreadable emotion. His lips curled into something like his usual sneer, but his eyebrows were drawn together, and his eyes locked with Harry's.

"I thought you were sleeping out there-" Harry began, waving a hand toward the door. "Or I would have worn something else-"

Draco snorted. "Don't. I've seen you staring at me, Potter. I can practically feel your filthy eyes burning through my bloody clothes, so fine- here's what you've been wanting!" He stepped out of the shorts, raised his arms and let them fall back to his sides.

"Draco..." Harry began, not sure what he was expected to say or do. In spite of Draco's angry sarcasm, he appeared to enjoy showing himself to Harry.

"I can't stand it anymore!" Draco continued, taking a step closer so that they were nearly toe-to-toe. "I can't stand the way you have to be close to me all the time, the way you 'accidently' brush against me, the way you look at me, the dirty way you say my bloody name, I can't stand it! That's the worst part of it all, Potter. Not Janus, not his damned cat, not Moreaux, and not even the fact that I might be going to Azkaban. It's you- things you make me- the thoughts you put in my head! You're the worst thing, Potter, and I can't bloody stand it any more!"

Harry opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Draco's face crashed into his, their lips smashed together like the bumpers of two unfortunate cars. The pain of the collision left him reeling, but it quickly faded, and when Draco put his hands on Harry's hips, it was forgotten. Draco's mouth began to move against his, and he tasted blood, hot and metallic. He wondered if it was his or Draco's, and the intimacy of that thought excited him. Draco's hands moved up his sides and onto the back of his head, and Draco's lips slid across his cheek until they brushed his ear.

"Is this what you want?" Draco hissed.

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's waist and squeezed. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."

"Then let's bloody get it over with!" Draco growled.

The next few minutes flew by in a blur. Draco freed himself from Harry by shaking like an animal, took Harry by the shoulders, spun him around, and used a foot to sweep Harry's feet from under him, forcing Harry to catch himself by throwing his hands in front of him. He landed with his palms on the floor and his legs stretched awkwardly behind him. One of the pieces of mirror dug into his hand, and he bit his lip to keep from screaming. Any noise would bring Janus, and Harry couldn't let that happen, couldn't let Janus see him like this. Draco was on him, and it was nothing like any of Harry's daydreams. The actual act was nasty, brutish, and short, and when he had finished, Draco ran out of the room, leaving Harry to pull up his shorts and stumble to his feet, dazed.

Skirting the glass, Harry left the room, not sure where he would go, but unable to stay in the bedroom a moment longer. From the bathroom, Harry heard the unmistakable, but puzzling, sound of sobbing followed by the roar of the shower. The sussurance of the water continued for several minutes. As if Draco's recent actions hadn't been humiliating enough, he had to add insult to injury by using up all of the available heated water. Harry sat up in the edge of the couch, rested his elbows on his knees, and placed his chin on his fists. His mind raced in circles, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened and why.

Before he found a satisfactory answer to that question, Draco emerged from the bathroom, his skin scalded red all over and bleeding in places as if he had scrubbed himself with his fingernails. He had wrapped a towel around his waist, and he walked with his shoulders hunched. With violent, jerky motions, he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Harry couldn't tell if Draco was plagued by tears or residual water from his shower, but he guessed the former.

"Are you going to explain that?" Harry demanded, rising from the couch.

"Explain what?" Draco snapped. Without looking at Harry, he went back into the bedroom, where he dug in the trunk, fished out a clean pair of black shorts, and pulled them on under his towel, careful not to show any of the skin the towel had been covering. When he had pulled on a clean shirt, he let the towel fall to the floor and spun to face Harry. He pointed his index finger at Harry's chest and looked him in the eyes. "That never happened. And it can never happen again!" He lowered his finger and then dabbed at his eyes with the back of his hand again. "You don't understand! I'm not like you!"

"Not. Like. Me" Harry repeated flatly, saying the words slowly, pondering the meaning of each word individually and then trying to puzzle out what they signified when strung together. When he figured out what he thought Draco was trying to imply, he wasn't sure whether to punch him in the face or to laugh at the irony. He heard himself laugh, but decided that didn't rule out violence later. "Not like me? You're the one who bloody attacked me, Draco, not the other way around. I can keep my damn hands to myself!"

Draco sneered and shook his head in disgust. "That's not what I meant! Don't be stupid." He slouched against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. "What I meant was your parents are dead! Your godfather is dead, too. Even your precious teacher and mentor, Dumbledore, is dead!"

"Yeah, thanks for the reminder. That's a perfect ending to a perfect day for me-"

"Let me finish!" Draco shouted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he crossed the room and stood next to Harry, so close that they were almost touching. His eyes met Harry's, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft and high, as if forced through a lump in his throat. "They're all dead, and so you have no one to disappoint. You can do what you want. You can be with who you want. I can't. I have my parents to think about."

"I see," Harry muttered, not sure how he felt. He would be an idiot or a masochist or both to want a repeat of tonight, but as he looked at Draco's face, he didn't want this to be the end. Slowly, afraid that any sudden movement would cause Draco to bolt, Harry reached for one of the Slytherin's hands and squeezed it gently. "We-" he stumbled as he said that word, liking the sound of it too much. "We wouldn't have to tell them we're together."

"They'd find out!" Draco sobbed.

"And what does that matter? Your mother doesn't care-"

"She will! She'll care when she walks into a room and her friends all stop talking, when she can't go out without people pointing and whispering behind her back, not just about Andromeda and Tonks, but about her son. About me." Draco tapped his own chest forcefully.

Harry felt his hands tremble, and he took a step back, afraid that he might hit Draco. He wanted to scream, but instead he made his voice cold and cruel. "Yeah, like your mother couldn't handle something hard. Not like she's been beaten or tortured or locked in a dungeon by her own husband-"

"My father-"

"Your father knows, too! You told him when you were trying to goad him into killing us both, remember?"

"That's different!" Draco shook his head. "He knows- he thinks things happened, but it's not the same as having the whole world know. If you were anyone else, maybe we could keep it a secret, but you're the bloody Boy Who Lived. People would find out, and he would curse you for ruining his name. He'd kill me, Potter. He'd kill you, too, and I cant-" Draco's voice caught, and he swiped at his eyes again.

"Draco," Harry crooned, leaning forward and placing his free hand on Draco's shoulder. "He'll be in Azkaban! What can he do?"

"Send someone after us, break out and kill us. Don't underestimate him, Potter!"

"Even if he could- and he can't! - I wouldn't let him." Harry cupped Draco's face with his injured hand, ignoring the sting from the cut.

"You couldn't stop him!" Draco snorted and knocked Harry's hands away. "Maybe you don't understand the risk, but I do." He straightened and ran his eyes over Harry, his mouth curling in contempt. "I know the cost, and now I know exactly what I'm giving up. It's not- you're not worth the price." Hastily, he slipped into his shoes and out the front door, slamming it behind him.

"Fine." Harry started toward the bedroom, remembered the glass, and turned back into the living room. His hands shook. He wanted to go after Draco, but he wasn't sure what he would do if he caught up with him- maybe grab him and scream in his face about how he was being an idiot, making up reasons for them to be apart. "Just tell the damned truth, Malfoy!" Harry muttered to himself. "If you hate me, say it! That, I could understand. In fact-"

"Lovers' quarrel?"

Harry spun to see Janus standing in the hallway that lead to the kitchen. "No. We're not-"

Janus laughed. "Yeah, right. I heard the door slam. Among other things." His expression darkened as he stepped toward Harry. He reached out slowly, as if Harry were a wounded animal, and traced Harry's mouth with a finger, which came away smeared with blood. "Did Malfoy hit you?"

Harry shook his head and kept his eyes fixed on the floor, studying the swirling, fingerprint-like patterns of the hardwood. He raised his own hand and probed at his lips, which felt tender and swollen. Still unable to look at Janus, he said, "We kissed."

"I'm pretty sure you're doing it wrong."

"It doesn't matter!" Harry spun and faced away from Janus. "It was the last- it was the only time. And I hated it! I hate him!"

"Harry-"

"No! Don't tell me I'm over-reacting or I'll feel differently when I've had to time to think or... Just don't."

"I was going to say your hand is cut, too." Janus caught Harry's wrist and pulled until Harry was forced to turn and face him. "How'd this happen?"

Harry pointed to the floor on the other side of the open bedroom door. His face burned, pulsating with a mixture of shame and anger as he relived being thrown to that floor, the bite of the glass in his hand, the heat of Draco's body, the reflection of his own face in the shards of broken glass, the pain...

"More broken glass." Janus swore and then muttered, "There's an optimist/pessimist joke in there somewhere. You know, the optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says it's half empty. Neither one of them has met Malfoy, or he wouldn't have a glass." When Harry didn't respond, he sighed. "Right. I won't quit my day job."

"I broke the mirror," Harry said flatly.

"Don't worry about it. I'll get it later." He walked toward the kitchen, still holding Harry's wrist and pulling him along.

In the kitchen, Janus pulled out one of the chairs for Harry and then began rummaging in a cabinet. Harry steeled himself for the inevitable burn of hydrogen peroxide and was surprised to see Janus take out a small amber vial instead of the large plastic bottle.

"Essence of dittany," Janus explained as he unscrewed the top of the vial.

"From your secret potions dungeon?" Harry asked, holding out his hand for Janus to treat.

"Yep." Janus applied a few drops to the cut, and Harry watched in fascination as the flesh began to knit before his eyes. After wetting the tip of his right index finger with the brown liquid, Janus lightly touched the sore place on Harry's lip. His left hand went to the back of Harry's head, stroking his hair as if he were a small child.

"Janus-"

The sound of his name seemed to startle him, and he backed away, raising his hands in the air. "Sorry."

"It's alright."

"It's not." Janus picked the vial up from the table and held it out toward Harry. "In case you need it for anything else."

Harry closed his hand around the vial and nodded his thanks, looking down at the floor. "This is rare. You should save it for emergencies."

"I can make more." Janus waved a hand. "And we'll make sure there are no more emergencies around here, at least none involving you. You can take my room tonight. Lock the door behind you if you want. I'll be up. There's glass to sweep, blood stains to scrub out, and a word to have with Malfoy if he comes back." A tremor passed through Janus, and as Draco had described, his eyes turned dark and frightening.

"You wouldn't really turn him into a rat, would you?" Harry asked.

Janus smiled, reverting to his usual self. "Do you want me to?"

"Is that an offer?" Harry asked sourly.

"Is that a request?" Janus was grinning broadly now.

"No." Harry shook his head. "I don't want that, I just want him gone. I don't mean dead!" Harry glanced up at Janus, half-afraid that his words would be misinterpreted.

"I knew what you meant." Janus knelt down and riffled under the sink until he pulled out a dustpan with a tiny broom attached. As he exited the kitchen, Harry stood, crossed the room, and caught him by the shoulder.

"James." Harry said the name clearly, so that it came out sounding like a challenge.

When Janus turned around, Harry half expected him to be twitching and dark-eyed again, but he only looked sad. "I haven't used that name in a very long time, Harry. And it hasn't felt right since I- well, in an even longer time. It's 'Janus'."

"What else aren't you telling me?"

"A lot of things. My social security number, my e-mail address, the name of the goldfish I had when I was five..."

"I want to trust you." Harry squeezed his eyes closed. Involuntarily, his hand tightened on Janus's shoulder.

Gingerly, Janus used his thumb and forefinger to take Harry's wrist and move his hand away. "Then do."

The first sensation to enter Draco's consciousness was a sharp pain in the right side of his face. He sat up, blinking his eyes and swiping at his cheek, dislodging pieces of twig and leaf. The smell of earth and dew filled his nostrils. He flexed his stiff, bruised hands, and the flood of memories from last night came rushing back.

He hadn't dared return to the house, not with Janus "through with him" and Harry- He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched his left hand with his right, preferring the concrete, physical pain to the anguish of contemplating his own actions. After last night, Harry had no reason to help him at the trial. He would go to Azkaban with his father, just like he deserved.

As he made his way toward the house, he tried to imagine the life he would be missing. He could have finished school, taken over his father's estates, and lived out his days in Malfoy Manor. He could have honed his magic, could have become powerful enough to restore his name, gained the respect of the wizarding world on his own merit, not because of a bloody scar! He could have gotten even with Janus, not with simple brutality, but with something truly humiliating, something that would have taken him years to concoct.

He tried to feel some spark of anger, some twinge of regret, but in truth, his imagined life held no more appeal than the stone walls of a cell. Without Harry, that life was as empty and soulless as a dementor's victim. That, he decided, was the worst thing that Potter, or anyone else, had ever done to him. By allowing him to imagine, even for a moment, that there could be something more, that for once, he could have what he wanted, Harry had ruined everything else.

The heavy scent of bacon and coffee wafted from the open kitchen window, making his stomach growl, reminding Draco that he was still alive and capable of feeling something other than pain. He put his hand on the knob and turned, half-expecting Janus to fly at him as soon as the door opened.

When the door swung open without event, Draco stepped inside to see Janus standing in front of the stove, whistling an unfamiliar tune while he fussed over a pair of skillets, one filled with bacon and the other with white blobs of batter.

"Blueberries?" Janus put down his spatula and lifted a carton from the countertop.

"Blueberries?" Draco repeated, unable to articulate a better question.

"In your pancakes," Janus said slowly, shaking the carton again.

Draco shook his head. "No! I don't want any stupid berries."

"Suit yourself." Janus poured berries into half the skillet before turning the pancakes. A moment of surreal silence followed, broken only by the sizzle of the bacon in the pan. With a flick of the spatula, Janus loaded the food onto a large plate and set it on the table before refilling the two pans with batter and bacon.

"After last night, you're just- You're just going to pretend nothing happened?" Draco asked, blinking in confusion as he looked from the neatly set breakfast table to Janus and back. The spatula clattered to the stovetop, and Janus whirled, drawing his wand from the pocket of his shorts. One long stride carried him across the kitchen where he grabbed a fistful of Draco's hair and put the tip of his wand to Draco's temple.

Stunned to silence, Draco closed his eyes in anticipation of the curse that would make all of his worries about the trial moot. His senses heightened. He could feel a separate pain from each strand of hair. His nostrils screamed with the stench of coffee, bacon, and pancakes, all mingled with the scent of Janus' soap and the faintest traces of that horrible, acrid potion.

"If you ever- look me in the eyes, damn it!" Janus jerked on Draco's hair, and he complied. "If you ever damage my property or threaten my cat again, then mark my words, I will make you homesick for your daddy. And if you even think about laying a hand on Harry again, I'll be inspired to think of something even worse." Releasing Draco's hair and pocketing his wand, he broke into a grin. "There. Better? More what you were expecting?"

Draco ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it into place. "You're mental, you know that?" He watched as Janus returned to his cooking and resumed whistling the same tune. "And you don't scare me anymore. I have nothing left to lose, which makes me-" Draco spun at the sound of a door closing.

Harry emerged from Janus' bedroom wearing a borrowed bathrobe. Seeing Draco, he smiled as he sauntered over to the table, sat down, and helped himself to breakfast.

"Morning, Harry." Janus finished his work at the stove and brought another plate of food to the table before sitting down. "Did you get some sleep?"

Harry nodded while chewing a bite of blueberry pancake.

Draco looked from the open bedroom door, to Harry, to Janus, and back. His brain boiled with the idea of Harry stretched out atop the tiger blanket, welcoming Janus into bed as the painted cats looked on with their flat yellow eyes. Would Harry have been frozen and stoic for Janus, as he had been for Draco, or would he have responded, moving underneath him and crying out in pain or pleasure? If Draco had his wand, he would put them both under the Imperious curse and force them to confess.

As if feeling the weight of Draco's stare, Janus looked up from his plate and shook his head. "What you're thinking... no."

"You have no idea what I'm thinking," Draco snarled. He jerked one of the chairs out, sat down, and loaded the plate in front of him with bacon and one of the blueberry pancakes, just in case Janus had slipped something into the berryless ones.

While he ate, he tried to keep his eyes on the food, the table, or the wall- anything but Harry. Still, he kept glancing at Harry's face, noting that unlike his own lips, Harry's were their normal shape and free from cuts. Harry's hands were clean and whole, too, while Draco's had dirt from the ground caked on top of the scabs from the pieces of mirror. Whatever else Janus had done to Harry, he had healed him, in spite of his vaunted "no magic" rule.

Without speaking to either Janus or Draco, Harry stood after he had finished his breakfast, carried his plate to the sink, and left the kitchen, leaving Draco alone with Janus, who studied him over the rim of his coffee mug.

Draco looked over his shoulder to be sure Harry was out of the room before forcing himself to look at Janus with a neutral expression. "I suppose you know how to do a decent memory charm? You would have to, if you live with Muggles all the time."

Janus nodded. "First thing I learned, once I arrived in the States. Pretty handy for covering your tracks."

"Then you can make it so last night never happened!" Draco leaned forward, his hand still clutching his fork. His fist tightened so that the metal handle dug into his palm.

Janus put down his coffee mug and tilted his head. "Now why exactly would I want to do that?"

"Because you swore on Lupin's grave to protect Harry. You can make it so he doesn't remember what we- what I- You can fix it for him."

"So you can wait until after he bails you out at the trial before you show your true colors? No. If I do what you want today, how long will it be until 'last night' happens again?"

Draco dropped his fork and gripped the edge of the table with both hands, squeezing in frustration. "It wouldn't happen again! It should never have happened. That's the point!"

"A snake doesn't change his scales."

"You want to watch me rot in prison!" Draco sneered. "Whatever else you are, James Ward, you're a petty, vindictive bastard. If you won't help Harry, the least you can do is give me back my wand so I can. Or are you too afraid of what I'd do to you? Not sure your pathetic American-style magic would be a match for a real wizard?" He held his hand out flat and raised an eyebrow as he looked from Janus to his empty palm.

Janus clapped his hands several times, leaving long pauses between each clap. "Nice. Very infuriating. And making me choose between giving you back your wand and admitting I'm afraid of you? Smart, in a Slytherin sort of way."

"Accio, wand!" Draco shouted. When his hand remained empty, he repeated the spell.

"You didn't really expect that to work." Janus' tone made it clear that his words formed a statement, not a question. "Give it up, Malfoy. You reap what you sow."

"You stupid, arrogant-"

The doorbell rang, and Janus rose from his seat with a knowing little smirk on his face.

"So much for your precious wards keeping everyone out. I knew they were only to keep us in!" Draco grumbled as he followed Janus out of the kitchen and to the front door.

Harry had already opened the door and stood talking with a dark-haired woman in wizards' robes.

"Andromeda," Draco said flatly. "What are you doing here? Is Mother alright?"

"She's worried." Andromeda turned to face Janus. "Your owl gave us both a fright scratching on the windows! The note said it was urgent that I come. I half-expected..." She waved a hand. "Never mind that. Narcissa will be relieved to hear that Draco is unharmed. Now, what is it you need?"

"He can't stay here any more." Janus jerked his thumb in Draco's direction. "I thought about casting a paralyzing spell and sticking him in a box until the trial, but, well, by then I had already sent Arty with the note for you."

"I see." Andromeda pursed her lips and frowned at Draco. "Very well. Cissy will prefer this arrangement anyway. Harry is welcome to come, too, if-"

"I'll stay with Janus," Harry said softly.

Draco felt a near-electric jolt of rage. Harry had dressed himself by now, but the image of him walking out of Janus' bedroom in that puffy bathrobe was still stuck in Draco's mind. What you're thinking... no. He mentally re-played Janus' denial, convincing himself that it was sincere. Harry wouldn't, not with Janus, anyway.

"We'll be in touch," Janus promised. "And one more thing. I might need Draco's help during the next few days. If I come for him, he needs to come with me, no questions asked."

Andromeda shrugged. "Take that up with Narcissa when the time comes."

"Right." Janus rubbed at his chin for a moment. "Well, she can come with him, then. That'll work just as well."

"What is all of this about?" Andromeda asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Just... trust me." Janus flashed the same grin that always seemed to turn Harry into a simpering idiot.

"Why?" Andromeda folded her arms across her chest.

The stupid grin faded. "Arthur put the boys in my care, and Remus-"

"Didn't trust you, or he would have made you Teddy's godfather, not Harry. You're expelling my nephew from your home, and you won't tell me why. That doesn't instill confidence, Janus."

Draco moved to stand beside his aunt. He smiled, having enjoyed the look on Janus' face when Andromeda made the jibe about Harry being Teddy's godfather. The words had hit Janus almost like a physical blow, and he had crumpled slightly before stiffening and tilting his chin up. Draco had seen the same posture from every sniveling little Gryffindor and Hufflepuff he had ever insulted, and he hadn't realized until this moment just how much he had missed it.

"Well-" Janus began.

"Janus isn't kicking Draco out," Harry said. "I am. I'm the one who said I wanted him gone."

"Is this true?" Andromeda asked, looking at Janus.

He nodded. "Look, I just wanted this to be simple."

"Then it will be." Andromeda looped her arm through Draco's. "You can sleep in the den."

"Thanks," Janus said.

Andromeda didn't reply. The last thing Draco saw before apparition was Harry's smirking, self-satisfied face.

The smirk vanished from Harry's face as Janus closed the front door. Harry turned toward the bedroom and found he couldn't make himself go through it. Janus had cleaned up the glass but not the memories of what had happened inside.

Harry felt a light touch on his shoulder. "Harry, are you alright?"

He shrugged away the hand and glanced out of the corner of his eyes to Janus. "Yeah, I'll be alright," Harry flatly said.

The corners of Janus lips twitched upward. "You're free. It's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was."

"Well, then why the long face? You look as if someone just killed your dog."

"I don't know," Harry muttered as his feet finally found their ability to move once again. "I just thought that I would feel different than this." He took a few steps forward.

"Nobody ever said that breaking up was easy, but I think a small celebration is in order. How about a drink?" Janus said, clapping his hands together and rubbing them briskly.

"What?" Harry asked as he rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall of the hallway.

Harry could see a different light in Janus' eyes, one that reminded him of the first year students as they entered the Great Hall for the very first time at Hogwarts. The man was excited at the prospect of having Draco gone.

Harry sighed deeply as he brought his focus away from his memories of Hogwarts and back to his present depressed thoughts. "Yeah, fine, Janus. Whatever you want. Right now I just need a bit of time alone, if you don't mind."

"Of course. Just try to take your mind off it, if you can. The best way to do that is to find a good book."

"Yeah, sure, it's your answer for everything." Harry muttered as he slumped around the corner and into the bedroom, allowing the door to close slowly.

"It's not supposed to be this way!" Harry whispered as he slammed the book shut and tossed it onto the floor. He scooted up against the headboard of the bed and tilted his neck back so that the back of his head rested against it.

"Nice…going…Potter…," Harry whispered to himself as he banged the back of his head against the headboard with every word. "I really know how to mess everything up!" He gritted his teeth and his head smacked the board even harder. "First Cho, then Ginny, and now Draco!" Harry finished by banging his head too hard as he said "Draco", causing his vision to blur for a moment.

"Face it," he continued to whisper to himself as he slid down into the bed, resting his aching head on the soft pillows. "Every time I try to have a relationship with someone, it always ends up broken." Harry rolled over and screamed into the pillow, while thrusting his fist into the mattress repeatedly. After exhausting his rage, Harry lay on his back as he looked up at the ceiling fan, watching its smooth, circular motion as it showered his face with cool air. His nostrils could still detect the sweet scent of Draco in the room as his eyes became heavy. He wriggled out of his jeans and tossed them to the floor, along with his shirt. Now, the cool air could flow over his body, drying the light coat of summer sweat. Moments later, Harry drifted into a deep, relaxing sleep.

Harry's eyelids fluttered as the light of the day came in through the window. Groaning at being awakened, he closed his eyes and turned over onto his side as the soft, white sheet hugged his body. He did not register that another presence was in the bed with him until his hand brushed against something.

"Socrates, go away," Harry muttered as he allowed the strands of hair to slip between his fingers. "Come on, cat, go…" Harry stopped as his eyes opened fully and a gasp escaped his throat.

"Draco…what are you doing here?" Harry rasped as he released the fine, blond strands of hair. Harry's eyes traveled from Draco's face down to his sleek, toned chest, where he observed Draco's pink nipples. His gaze continued as his fingers lightly traced the tight muscles of the Slytherin's abdomen, and he allowed his hand to linger on the light honey-colored "happy trail" that extended from Draco's naval and continued on below the white bed sheet.

Harry began to ask the question again, but stopped as a long, perfect finger touched his lips. "I could never stay angry at you, Harry." Draco grinned. "I'm here to fix a mistake." Draco reached out, taking Harry's hand that was touching his stomach, and he led it down toward his growing heat and hardness. "As a matter of fact, Harry, I want to make things right this time." Draco emphasized his words by softly kissing Harry's parted lips and squeezing Harry's hand around his own hardened member.

"Draco I..I…" Harry began to ask how Draco got into the house, but was silenced by the Slytheirin's lips pressing firmly onto his. Their mouths parted as Draco's tongue lightly brushed the tip of Harry's. Draco's hand slowly stretched under the sheet and traced the outline of Harry's own hardened state through the boxers before slipping inside them, and allowed his finger to encircle the head.

Harry moaned as Draco deepened his kiss and continued to pleasure Harry with his hand. Finally, Draco broke away as pale blue eyes met Harry's. "This time, my love, I want you to have me. Take me and make me your rock."

Harry's mind was full of so many thoughts and emotions that he could not answer Draco, but only nodded. Draco smirked as he rolled Harry onto his back before moving down and gently pulling Harry's underwear off, letting his lips and tongue caress Harry's hardness as he did this.

Harry watched as Draco's mouth ceased its action while the Slytherin repositioned himself, straddling Harry's waist. Draco reached down, holding Harry's hardness, and slowly lowered himself down onto it. Harry closed his eyes as he felt incredible warmth as he slid deeper, inch by inch, inside of Draco. The sensation drove Harry to a new height, and he sharply inhaled followed by a deep intake of breath from Draco. He opened his eyes and could see the sunlight mixing with the glistening sweat that had formed on the Slytherin's pale, beautiful naked body while Draco gently balanced and began to rock himself on top of Harry.

"Oh, Draco!" Harry gasped as he lifted his hips, allowing himself to penetrate Draco even further. "Please don't stop!" Harry groaned as his hips began to gently rock in rhythm with Draco's body and the guttural sounds that he made.

Harry could feel a burning heat around him now as their tempo increased, their bodies moving as one, words of endearment escaping their lips. Harry grasped Draco's hips while he began to thrust harder and deeper into the warmth. Draco placed his soft, sweaty hands on Harry's chest, and he groaned and leaned forward to whisper naughty pleasures into Harry's ear.

A low animal-like growl came from Harry. He closed his eyes and thrashed his head, all the while keeping the frantic pace of their lovemaking going. "I…lov…love...you…Draco," Harry whispered. His hips bucked upward, spilling his seed inside of his love, his mind soaring through the boundaries of the sky. He gasped as he flung his eyes open, locking onto the pale blue eyes of Draco Malfoy. Every ounce of energy rocked his body while he continued on the skyward journey. Draco closed his eyes as he moaned and tossed his head in orgasmic heaven, squeezing every muscle in his body, and then splashing his hot seed onto Harry's chest and abdomen.

Their breath caught at the same time. Their journey through the clouds ended, and they descended, gliding softly back down to earth. Being careful not to hurt Draco, Harry slid out from under him and eased his love down onto the pillow next to him. Draco's eyes sparkled as the ecstasy of their lovemaking began to fade. He softly kissed Harry, allowing the Gryffindor's tongue to fully explore the far reaches of his own mouth. Slowly, their kiss ended when Draco stroked Harry's nose with the side of his finger. "And I love you, Harry…James…Potter."

Their lips met, and their tongues entwined with one another again. Harry wrapped his fingers into the golden locks of Draco's hair; the movement of Draco's tongue upon his own was too much for Harry to bear. He closed his eyes and let his body and natural instincts take over. Harry was mesmerized by the intoxicating scent of Draco's body, and he wished that the scent would never go away, that it would always be there with him day and night.

Their lips parted as Harry opened his eyes again. Harry gasped as he startled and pushed himself away from the dark hazel eyes. "Harry…"

"Harry, Harry," the voice called to him through the milky veil of the departing dream.

Harry awoke from his nap as the last remnants of the dream hit him. He shouted when he saw Janus' face close to his, and he slid out of the bed backwards, bumping his head on the hardwood floor. Embarrassed by his near nakedness, Harry tightly wrapped the bed sheet around him, covering up any exposed skin and trying to hide the evidence of the dream.

"What the…?" Janus began to ask before stopping and answering his own question, as he looked down at Harry, who lay flat on his back, the cool hardwood sending shivers down his spine. Janus raised an eyebrow, and the left corner of his mouth turned up. "I see. I'm sorry, Harry; guess I interrupted you at an awkward moment."

"Yeah. Sorry about screaming in your face, but it was just a crazy dream. I wasn't expecting you when I woke up," Harry said as his eyes roamed over the white sheet, scanning for any remaining evidence from the dream.

"We all have dreams like that. Here, let me help you up." Before Harry could protest, Janus gripped him by his elbow, standing him up, and allowing Harry to untangle his feet from the sheet. "Now, are you alright? I heard what sounded like low screams coming from in here."

"What?" Harry mused as he shook his head clear from the remaining cobwebs delivered by the fall to the floor. "Yeah, yeah, I'm alright. Just a crazy dream is all." Harry glanced into Janus' concerned face, then turned away, unable to look him in the eye.

"Well, at least you're alright," he said, letting go of Harry's arm and walking to the bedroom door. "I figured that after last night, you probably needed a bit more rest." He flashed his glowing smile at Harry. "When you're ready, that drink is in the kitchen. Also, there are some sandwiches waiting for you in the fridge."

"Thanks. I'll be there in a minute," he nodded as Janus exited the room.

Harry walked toward the door, passing the bed, before he looked at the place in the bed where the dream Draco had been. "Why did it all have to be a dream?" Harry whispered. He sighed as the memory of their fight came back to Harry like an unstoppable wave. "Why can't things be different?" He sighed again as he dropped his hands toward his boxers and felt cold, wet stickiness.

Harry walked into the kitchen as the kettle on the stove whistled loudly. Janus glanced over his right shoulder while he removed the kettle and poured two mugs of hot water, which instantly turned a dark shade of brown.

"Freshened up?" Janus asked, stirring the brown liquid in both mugs.

"Huh?" Harry asked.

"I asked are you freshened up? You've been asleep for most of the day, and I heard you in the shower a few minutes ago." Janus smiled as he finished stirring the brown liquid.

"Oh, yeah," Harry blurted. His memory raced to the stained boxer shorts that he had changed out of.

"Good," Janus replied, handing Harry the hot mug. "Drink this. Careful, it's very hot, but it's your celebration drink. Cheers, Harry!" Janus softly blew into the mug before sipping the dark liquid. Harry followed as the hot liquid stung his lips and tongue.

"Hot chocolate?" Harry asked, as Janus walked into the living room, Harry in tow.

"Yep!" Janus replied. He sat the mug on the table next to the sofa and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "It's a recipe that my grandmother taught me when I was a little kid. Hot chocolate, mixed with a dash of sugar and nutmeg. Hits the sweet tooth every time."

Harry made his way into the living room and sat down on the opposite end of the couch, twisting so that he half-faced Janus. "But I thought hot chocolate was supposed to be served when it's cold out, not in the middle of summer?"

Janus relaxed into the cushions and laced his fingers behind his head. "Well, it's just like ice cream. The best time to eat ice cream is when it's cold outside, not hot."

Harry smiled as he took another sip of the soothing drink.

"Harry..." Janus said the name with a sigh. His next words came out quickly, as if he were forcing himself to say them and wanted to get them over with. "If there's anything you need to talk about, I mean about Draco, about last night-"

"Talk about what?" Harry asked as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. The chocolate suddenly tasted cloying in his mouth, and he put the mug down on the coffee table. "There's nothing to say."

Janus sighed again as his finger traced the handle of his mug. "Right. Look, you don't have to do that, not with me. I said I wanted us to be friends, and I meant it." He put the mug down again and turned toward Harry. For a moment, their eyes met, and the end of Harry's dream flashed through his brain.

"You know what happened between Draco and me last night. We're finished! I wanted him gone, and I…"

"Yeah. I know what you told me, but you don't kick someone out of your life just because you get mad at him, or because he was a bit…rough with you."

"You heard?" Harry asked, his face turning a deep red. He had been so careful not to scream, had bitten his tongue until it bled; how could Janus have heard?

Janus' eyes narrowed slightly. "I…guessed. Look, if I had known he was going to hurt you, I would have-"

"It's not your job to protect me," Harry snapped.

"Actually, it pretty much is." Janus put his mug down again and edged toward Harry. He stretched out his hand, almost placing it on Harry's shoulder before jerking it back and letting it fall onto the cushion between them. "One thing I have to know, and I'm sorry for asking, but did he... did he have your permission, or..."

Janus let his words trail off as he tilted his head, trying to read Harry's downward gaze. A silence followed, in which the only sound in the room was that of the grandfather clock ticking away each painful second. Socrates jumped on the arm of the chair and settled down; the Siamese cat's eyes seemed to bore through Harry's brain.

Janus broke the silence. "Do you remember that you said that you wanted to be able to trust me? And I told you that you could."

Harry closed his eyes, seeing Draco in his mind, reliving the thrill of anticipation when Draco had whispered into his ear. "He asked if it was what I wanted. It was."

"Fair enough." Janus swallowed the rest of his drink before firing his next question at Harry. "What you said last night, about hating him, did you mean it?"

"What do you care? What does anyone care? I'm done holding the fate of the world in my hands. What I do, what I feel- none of it matters to anyone but me." Harry pounded a fist on his thigh, startling Socrates, who retreated under the coffee table, raised a hind leg in the air, and began cleaning himself.

"I care because in five days, you've got a decision to make, assuming nothing happens in the mean time. Are you going to speak up for Malfoy, or are you going to let the Wizengamot make their decision without you? Besides," Janus grinned, "I can't have you sulking around my house all unresolved-like."

Harry shifted on the couch as the answer came to his mind. "It doesn't matter how horrible he is, or how much he enjoys hurting me, or even how jealous he can be. None of that matters, because I've seen the good within him, and I know he's not a murderer."

Janus leaned back against the armrest and motioned for Harry to continue on.

"With Draco, I- I feel alive when I'm with him. I feel like I can fly above the clouds when I look into his eyes and see them glow with their blue radiance. I've never felt this way with anyone else before. Not with Cho, or Ginny, and-" he flushed and took a drink of his hot chocolate, needing an excuse to look away. "It sounds stupid when I say it out loud, doesn't it?"

"Nah, not stupid. Just...young. I get it. I've been there before. You think Draco is your soul mate."

"Yes, I think, er, I thought so, before..." Harry tilted back his cup and drank, wishing it were filled with firewhiskey to wash away the memory of Draco's words, or at least dull the pain.

Janus smiled. "Well, it doesn't take a genius to see that you two are polar opposites, but sometimes those opposites do attract, and when they do, it can be the greatest feeling ever. For a while."

"Yeah, I know."

"But also, Harry, they can reject one another. If that occurs, it may take a lifetime to get over. Sometimes you never do get over it, no matter who else you're with." Silence followed once again. "Let me ask this, Harry. Does Draco feel as strongly for you as you do for him?"

"He- he's never said- but I know-" Harry stammered, mentally replaying the events of last night. Irrationally, he wanted to hit Janus for having asked the question

"I see. You mentioned earlier that you've seen the good within Draco."

"Yes! It's when he's with Teddy, and there was that night, after we rescued his mother. I woke up and saw him, felt him in bed with me, holding me. I thought it was a dream, but Narcissa told me she found us that way." Realizing the mental picture he had just painted for Janus, he added, "We had our clothes on!"

Janus laughed. "Probably good for Narcissa's sake. Still can't say I like the idea of Malfoy in the same room with my little brother, though."

"You're wrong there!" Harry shook his head. "You'd have to see it to believe me. Draco's a totally different person. He's kind, caring, sweet, and very affectionate towards him. I think that he would defend Teddy to his dying breath, if he had to."

Janus lightly stroked his chin for a moment before shaking his own head. "I think you're right. I'd have to see it to believe it. Let's assume you're right and he has a soft spot for Teddy. However, I still am going to say this: I'm not going to tell you to stay away from Draco. I won't tell you that getting him out of here was the best decision you ever made in your life. I know that you wouldn't listen, so all I'm going to say is 'be careful. Be very careful with Draco Malfoy.'"

"Why? I trust Draco with my life!" Harry shouted as he stood up from the couch. He had said the words without thinking, but as he stood glaring at Janus, he realized they were absolutely true. Draco hadn't ended their relationship just to save his own skin. He had wanted to protect Harry, too.

Janus motioned for Harry to sit down. "That's very noble Harry, but Draco had better trust you with his life. Because now you have a major decision to make regarding him, and based upon the events of last night and this morning, that is going to take a lot of thinking on your part."

"What's there to think about?" Harry asked. "I'm not going to let him go to Azkaban just because we're not together. It was never like that." Harry sat back down, and Socrates jumped onto the cushion between Harry and Janus, his blue eyes staring at Harry.

"There's plenty to think about, Harry. It's not like you and Malfoy are the only two pieces on the board. Draco Malfoy, Harry, is an enigma. Personally, I am glad that he's gone right now, but I see you're not. Look, there's light and darkness in you, me, everyone. Now you said that you've seen the good within Draco, and I believe you, but can you honestly say that you've seen the darkness within him? And I don't mean some Hogwarts bullying thing. I'm speaking about Voldemort-type darkness and worse."

"No!" Harry defended. "I mean, yeah, he can be a real prat sometimes, but I don't think he's capable of doing something like that. He was too scared of Voldemort to be like him."

"For your sake, Harry, I hope you're right. However, each man has that darkness within his soul. It can lay there and be hidden and dormant for many years, when it's surrounded by the good within someone. But all it takes is one slip, an accident, a stupid mistake, and-"

"Look, Janus, I know..." Harry began before being interrupted.

"Please, Harry, don't shoot the messenger here, just listen to me! Having said that, things can also work the other way too."

"What? You mean someone can be surrounded by dark and evil, but still have a single shred of good buried somewhere deep within them? Like Narcissa- is that what you mean?"

"Exactly, Harry. Now it's up to you to find out which one Draco really, truly is. And once you know the answer, then no matter how hard it is, no matter how it makes you feel, you know the right thing to do."

The room fell silent once more, except for Socrates who nudged and meowed for Harry to pet him. Janus rose from the couch and looked at the Siamese and Harry. "He wants you to scratch behind his ears."

Harry nodded as Janus walked past and into the kitchen. "Janus?" Harry asked as he sat on the sofa, lost in a myriad of thoughts and questions. Janus' words from the afternoon on the patio came back to him.

It's never just that. It's always something more, something you see that no one else can, some hidden redeeming quality, some inner pain-

"Yeah?" Janus voice came from around the corner.

Harry waited until Janus had returned to the room so that he could watch the man's face as he said, "You knew someone like Draco." When Janus flinched, Harry continued relentlessly. "You loved someone like him, and you hate the way that it turned out."

"It doesn't matter!" Janus growled.

"It does if you're going to lecture me."

Janus pivoted and strode down the hallway. After a moment, he called, "You coming?"

Harry hastily caught up with Janus and followed him down the hall and through his bedroom door. "I don't understand-" Harry began.

Janus opened the closet door and reached inside. Harry heard a latch click, and hinges creaking, followed by the sound of footsteps and the shriek of wooden steps. He followed Janus into the closet, through the door in the rear wall, and down the stairs, into a cool, dim room with a concrete floor.

Janus walked over to a trunk and began to riffle through it. After a moment, he stood up, brandishing a framed moving picture that showed a younger version of himself with his arms draped around two other teenagers- a grinning blonde girl and a dark-haired boy who looked as if he were trying not to smile. As the moving picture replayed itself, the girl would reach across Janus and poke the boy in the ribs, making him squirm and laugh for a moment. He would then shake his hair out of his eyes and glare at the girl, mouthing something that Harry thought might be an obscenity.

"Gabriel-"Janus pointed to the boy "-and Anna." He tapped the picture of the girl. "Now you've seen my first love. Happy?"

"Your first..." Harry frowned in confusion, trying to imagine Anna as a dark witch. Her cheeks still had their childish plumpness, and there was a dimple at the right corner of her mouth. "Which?" he asked. "Which is your first love, I mean, Gabriel or Anna?"

"Both," Janus said softly.

"Oh." Harry glanced at the picture again, noting that Gabriel's hand cupped Janus' thigh above the knee. When Anna reached to tickle Gabriel, Janus leaned forward so that her chest pressed against his instead of merely brushing it. The image took on an entirely different meaning following Janus' revelation, and Harry looked away from it, embarrassed to be thinking of Janus in the middle of... whatever had come after the picture was taken. "You don't mean..."

"I do mean." Janus ran his hand through his hair, and inhaled deeply before continuing. "It wasn't like over here, Harry. We went to a regular Muggle school, and were the only three wizards in town, at least, the only ones our age. We took lessons in magic together, and we couldn't leave each other alone outside of that. Gabriel, Anna, and I became inseparable. We were three hearts beating as one. There was no shame with us, as we done everything together. We shared each other's love, and at that time I could not have asked for anything more perfect in life than those two."

"What happened?" Harry asked.

Janus continued to stare at the picture, his eyes unfocused. "Gabriel looked a lot like you, but the resemblance ends there. He was more like Draco. There was a cruelty there, a lust for power, a contempt of anyone he saw as beneath him. If he thought he could hurt someone without being caught, he would. He-" Janus sat the picture down and ran his hand through his hair, pacing. "He, uh, learned something from me, but he didn't want to learn how to control it. You can guess what happened."

"No, I can't." As Harry stared at Janus, waiting for him to continue his story, Draco's accusation came back to him.

The way you hang on his every word...

Janus stopped his pacing and met Harry's eyes. A dim incandescent bulb hung above his head, making strange shadows on his face, accentuating his high cheekbones and narrow nose so that he looked almost vulpine. "He had to be stopped."

"You mean, you killed him?"

Janus nodded almost imperceptibly. "Having to kill someone you shared your life, your heart, and your soul with is…well it's cold-blooded, but it had to be done. And I was the only one that could do it."

"Janus…I-I'm so sorry. If I had known then I-"

"You didn't." Janus waved a hand and stepped out of the pool of light, lowering his face so that Harry could no longer read his expression.

"What about Anna?" Harry asked, glancing back at the picture.

"Dead." Janus bent, retrieved the photo, and put it back in the bottom of the trunk.

"Sorry."

"I know." Janus sat down on the trunk and took Harry's hand, pulling down until Harry bent his knees and joined Janus on the lid. The trunk was just wide enough for the two of them to sit without touching each other. "You're the second person I've ever told. Remus was the first, which means-"

"I'm the only one who knows," Harry finished. Knowing such an intimate secret made him feel important and awkward at the same time. "You don't have to worry about me telling anyone."

"I'm not. Worried, I mean." Janus stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused.

"So, this is what Draco found? Your secret potions dungeon?" Harry asked, looking around at the bookshelves and the slate bench, wooden table, and cauldron. The bench top had several amber vials like the one Janus had given Harry, along with an array of larger bottles. The room had a strange smell, sickly sweet and rotten at the same time, like decaying flowers. Whatever damage Draco had done, it had been cleaned up.

Janus smiled, looking relieved to change the subject. "Yes, Harry, it is. You see, while I attended Hogwarts, I found that I had a special talent for making potions. I usually received top marks in my class. Everyday, Professor Slughorn would compliment me on my work."

"Really? That's funny, because if he liked you so much then how come he never mentioned you to any of us? How come you weren't in his Slug Club?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Oh, please, Harry!" Janus chuckled. "I may have been a top student in Potions, but I couldn't stand "Sluggie". There's nothing that the man could have done to get me to join his little club. I wasn't about to kiss his ass!"

Harry smirked. "Besides," Janus continued, "Slughorn wanted everyone to follow the rules of potion making, but me, I liked to experiment, invent, and optimize."

"Exactly like Snape!" Harry snorted. "I bet you wrote down little shortcuts and things like that in your textbook?"

"Severus Snape? What makes you say that? Yeah, I wrote down a few notes for me to remember, but I wasn't consumed by it all. From what I understand, Severus Snape was working both sides, but in the end, it all caught up to him. I'm not sure what you think, Harry, but I'm not like that. Magic was never my obsession; it's a tool, a means to an end. Every spell that can be conjured, and every potion that can be brewed has its counter. That's what I wanted to master. Knowing the countermeasures of how to create certain potions has saved my life and those of people around me on more than one occasion."

"You didn't know Snape," Harry began, then shook his head, not wanting to relive the man's memories by telling them to Janus. Like Janus, Snape had entrusted Harry with heavy secrets, things he tried to bury along with his own problems.

"Not well," Janus agreed.

Harry rose from the trunk lid and backed toward the stairs, torn between wanting to get as far away as possible and wanting to comfort Janus, who still seemed lost in a black haze of nostalgia. When Janus ignored him, he turned and climbed the stairs.

Night had fallen outside as Harry continued to read through the chapters of his book. He had expected to see Janus come out of the bedroom some time ago, but decided against knocking on the bedroom door. Harry looked outside at the pale moon as the warm summer's breeze floated in through the open window. Finding a good place to stop reading, Harry yawned and stretched, and placed the book on the kitchen table beside his empty sandwich plate.

Harry returned to his bedroom, where he glanced down at the indentation Janus had left on the bed. Janus' words echoed in Harry's memory.

Gabriel looked a lot like you….

"He's attracted to me." Harry whispered into the empty room, feeling his face heat as he remembered the picture with Gabriel's hand squeezing Janus' thigh.

Harry smoothed out the bed, trying to push away the thoughts that had been creeping into his brain all afternoon. It had felt good to lay in Janus' bed last night and to put on his robe this morning. He had thought that feeling had nothing to do with Janus and everything to do with making Draco squirm, but now he wasn't sure. Then there was the dream, Janus' hazel eyes. Harry took a half step toward the door of his bedroom and then a full step back toward the bed, debating whether he wanted to check on Janus, see whether he wanted to be left alone, or...

A loud thump came from the other bedroom, and Harry started toward the hallway.

"Janus?" Harry asked as he stopped in front of the bedroom door. He placed his ear against the door, straining to hear any sounds coming from within.

"Janus?" Harry called. "Are you alright? I heard a loud noise."

Silence.

Harry placed his hand on the knob and began to turn, but was interrupted by Janus' voice coming from the other side of the door. "Harry? Oh, it's nothing to worry about. Go on back to what you were doing. I'm fine."

Harry listened as Janus' breathing became louder and raspier. "Janus, come on, now. Let me in. You don't sound right!"

"No, Harry! Really I'm fine, I just need... a little breathing room." Another loud thud came from the other side of the door.

Harry twisted the knob, only to feel the latch catch. "Janus!" Harry banged on the door with his fist.

"No!" Janus howled as the sound of breaking glass came from the room.

"Janus!"

"Don't…come…in…here! Stay…away…from…me!" Janus screamed. "No! Get away! Go back! Ahh!"

Harry ran to his bedroom and grabbed his wand from the nightstand beside the bed.

"Fuck the rules!" Harry shouted to himself as he neared Janus' bedroom door. "Bombardia!"

The bedroom door exploded inward, scattering the bedroom with pieces of wood. Harry ran into the room, wand at the ready to curse whoever was harming Janus or stop whatever Janus was doing to himself. He glanced around at the empty room.

"Janus?"

He reached and flipped the light switch. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the bright light.

"No!" Harry gasped and ran to the window, where he studied the droplets of blood that stained the broken pieces of glass.

Outside the window, a dark shape moved in the trees and then disappeared. Harry bent to pick up one of the shards of glass, careful not to touch the bloody edge. "Everything ends up broken," he murmured.
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Darkness Within The Light