Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Victim of the Fall	By : PrettyDesdemona Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 32726 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe or any of its characters. I do not make any money off this story. Only love!

Chapter List
- 29
- 30
- 31
CHAPTER 30

SWAN DIVE

"They can call me crazy if I fail, all the chance that I need is one-in-a-million. And they can call me brilliant if I succeed, gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound. I'm just going to get my feet wet until I drown."

Hermione's hand shook as she grasped the quill.

Saturday, January 18th, 1999.

She wanted to remember the date, didn't ever want it to fall away from her memory. She wanted to remember every moment, every sensation that Draco had pulled from her. She seized the tiny glass phial she'd conjured and her wand found her temple. She concentrated, drawing the thin blue and white strand from her head. It fell gracefully into the tiny vessel.

Hermione stuck the piece of parchment that bore the words January 18th, 1999 onto the side of the phial and pressed the bottle into the lining of her beaded bag where it would remain, always.

Afterwards, she stood and tiptoed, naked, through her dark and quiet living room and into her bedroom where Draco lay sleeping. She got into bed with him, pressed herself up against his chest and drifted away instantly, feeling a kind of happiness she'd given up on a long time ago.

Hermione awoke on Monday morning feeling disorientated and dazed. She could hear clattering in the kitchen and rolled over to find that she was alone in bed. Draco must have risen before her. She was vaguely familiar with the sensation now, that confused and overwhelmed feeling she got. The sense of unreality had made its presence known on Sunday morning too. It was as if her mind just couldn't grasp onto what her life was doing around her, like she couldn't comprehend it. It was odd to feel so good.

She pulled herself out of bed, heartily wishing she could remain there, and entered the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Judging by Draco's lazy grin when she joined him in the kitchen minutes later, he felt the same way as her. Their whole weekend had been almost too good to be true. The jovial night with the tovarasi, the sexual encounter they'd shared afterwards, and not to mention the sexual encounters they'd continued to have all of Sunday. She might not be able to say she was completely rested and together but the least she could say was that she was thoroughly sated. He was a willing and enthusiastic student.

"Hey." she said, coming up behind Draco and resting her head between his shoulder blades as he prepared tea, closing her eyes. Even though they'd shared a bed only minutes earlier, it still felt like too long without his scent fogging up her brain. She breathed deeply.

"Hi. Ready to go back today?" he asked conversationally, his voice husky from sleep.

Hermione groaned. "Do I have to?"

He laughed, "It won't be that bad. Aren't you supposed to love school? Isn't that your thing?"

She swatted his arm. "Shut up! I do, but I love being here with you more." she responded with an uncharacteristically sentimental air.

He raised his eyebrows at her as he handed her a steaming mug of tea. The look told her that he was just as taken aback as her by her sappiness. She really had no idea where it was coming from either and so chose to ignore it. The two of them had spent far too long being exactly the opposite and trying to uphold that cold distance all the time was exhausting.

Hermione wandered back into the lounge room and collapsed onto the couch with a huff. Her tea sat nuzzled in her hands and she sighed into its warmth. She allowed herself a few minutes to sit with her legs curled under her and her eyes closed, trying to pretend that she wasn't falling back to sleep before she forced herself to get up again and have a shower.

In the bathroom, she stared into the mirror at herself for a few moments while the water heated up.

Her hair was brutally short, the longest parts only two or so inches in length, sticking up in odd sorts of peaks and angles. Of course, over the last two weeks it had lost that weird just-been-cut look but she still hated it. It had been alright when she was at home and she didn't have to see anyone much, she could cope with that, but the idea of going back to Hogwarts while she looked like that made her stomach churn. She'd never considered herself an overly pretty girl but her hair had always been her one vanity and she'd loved it. Losing it was like losing an old friend.

She tried running her hands through it a few times, trying to make it sit better but to no effect. It still looked like it had been hacked off by a mad man.

As she stepped into the shower, Hermione heard a knock on her front door but ignored it, figuring Draco could deal with whoever it was.

She realised as she began to wash herself, that everything with Harry was beginning to feel like something that had happened a long time ago. It was like a distant memory. The Aurors were still looking for him and they still stood guard outside of Flourish and Blotts but no one had heard anything. Hermione knew this should have made her nervous and she was naturally sick with worry about her former friend, but she secretly felt glad that it was all out of her hands, that she didn't have to worry about it. She felt obligated to go out and find him, to stop him hurting anyone else, or hurting himself but if she was honestly with herself, she didn't have the energy. And deep down, she didn't want to leave behind what she'd spent the past six months building. For once, she felt sort of normal. She had a boyfriend and a nice flat and a group of friends… If she squinted a little and pretended that everything that had happened in the past, the war and Harry's madness, were just figments of a bad movie she'd seen, she could almost think her life was just perfect. And sometimes it felt that way.

After a longer shower than necessary, Hermione toweled herself off and had her brush in her hand, ready to tangled out the knots of her stubborn curls when she realised she didn't need to do that anymore. Instead she did her best to muss up her short hair in an effort to make it look stylishly disheveled. It didn't work.

She dressed herself quickly in her Hogwarts robes, feeling increasingly insecure, before entering the lounge room to find Isobel and Draco sitting on the couch, sharing tea. Isobel looked radiant and Hermione was struck with a pang of jealousy as she watched the other girl's shining golden mane flowing like warm honey over her shoulders. She also found herself wondering, again, with an intense curiosity over who her friend's mystery person was. Whoever they were, they appeared to be making Isobel very happy and Hermione hoped that, one day, she'd have the opportunity to thank them for it.

"Hey Hermione!" said Isobel, far too brightly for that time of morning.

"Hi…" Hermione responded somewhat glumly.

"What's wrong?" asked her friend, concerned.

Hermione lifted her arms to show her school robes and looked down at herself, "I look like a prepubescent boy."

Draco snorted, "Yeah you do. But it's ok. I'm into it."

"Draco!" Isobel cried, laughing and swatting his arm.

"What?! I can't help that I find him, I mean, her attractive! Can't fight chemistry…" he sipped his tea casually while Isobel and Hermione laughed.

"I can see why you're feeling insecure living with this…" Draco raised his eyebrows at her, "Charming young man." Isobel laughed. After downing the remainder of her tea, she stood up and walked over to Hermione. "It's alright anyway. I've actually come to help with that."

"What do you mean?" asked Hermione suspiciously as Isobel pulled out her wand.

"I've been doing some reading. I think I can fix your hair."

"Really?! Can you grow it back?!" Hermione said hopefully.

Isobel shook her head, smiling sympathetically. "No, I'm sorry. But I can make it look a little more… Stylish. Come with me."

Hermione followed her friend into the bedroom, closing the door so that she might be able to talk to Isobel in private. She'd been hoping to corner the girl at some point during the course of the day but it now seemed that she would be spared the stress. She sat down on the bed and the Isobel knelt behind her.

"So, been on any holidays recently?" asked Isobel in a cockney accent. Hermione laughed.

"No, but I have something to tell you." she took a deep breath, turning around to face her friend and whispered, "Draco and I had sex."

"WHAT!?" Isobel shrieked, "Oh my god! When?!"

Hermione giggled and gestured wildly for Isobel to keep her voice down, "Shh! On Saturday night… And again on Sunday morning. And Sunday afternoon. And Sunday night… Oh and at one o'clock this morning." she whispered, unable to stop herself smiling wickedly.

Isobel stared off into the distance and sighed, smiling wistfully, "Ah… I remember my first time… Pressed up into a rose bush. He was so small I barely felt it. I hope your first time was a little better! And perhaps a little more appealingly sized… Anyway. Was it good?"

"Yes and no. It hurt but… It was still… Fucking awesome." The last words came out in a reflective huff before her eyes snapped back to Isobel once she'd realised what her friend had said. "Wait, you're not a virgin?"

Isobel raised her eyebrows and grinned, "Hermione, have you met me?"

Hermione laughed, "I should have known… When did you do it? And with whom?"

"When I was fifteen. With Theo Nott after the Yule Ball."

"Oh." Hermione knew him to be in Azkaban and felt instantly guilty for making her friend talk about it, "Sorry."

Isobel shrugged and turned Hermione around again so that she could fix her hair. "It's alright. He was a dickhead but it wasn't all that bad really. He could be nice when he wanted to get in your pants. Most purebloods are like that. All suave and winning in the bedroom, sadistic murderers outside it! Now let me concentrate for a sec…"

Hermione obeyed and remained silent as Isobel began whispering incantations and the roots of her hair started to tingle pleasantly.

Isobel was another one that surprised Hermione every time she talked about having some sort of life before they'd become friends. For some reason, she always found it hard to picture any of the Slytherins as being normal teenagers before the war started but when she thought about it she supposed that they must have gone through much the same things as she had. They must have fought with their parents about silly things and had crushes on their classmates and played truth or dare in their dormitories at night. Just because they were on the opposite side of the war to her did not exempt them from being human.

After a few minutes spent with Isobel hovering over her, waving her wands and occasionally standing back to admire her handiwork with a critical eye, she pronounced Hermione finished and directed her to the bathroom so that she could see the effect.

Hermione leapt off the bed and raced into the bathroom eagerly.

She felt herself blushing the moment she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her hair was still short but Isobel had evened it all out and the result was quite pretty. She still missed her long hair but the style her friend had ordered it into made her look sort of graceful, feminine and a little bit dangerous. It was sexy and made her want to wear red lipstick. And never once in her life had she felt properly sexy. It was a strange sensation.

"Thank you! Oh, I love it!" she said, a trace of awe in her voice. "I feel like I should be doing cabaret." she giggled, turning this way and that so as to view her new style from every angle.

Eventually, Hermione dragged her eyes away from her reflection. She turned around and hugged Isobel, trying to pour all of her gratitude and love for the girl into the hug.

"That's ok. Consider it an act of charity, because you really did look like a prepubescent boy." said Isobel, chuckling.

Hermione laughed and raced into the lounge room to show Draco. He looked at her for a long time, his eye brows raised in shock before he pronounced it acceptable and told her it made her look like a 'vixen'.

She pulled on her cloak and scarf while the others did the same and the three of them left the flat to go to Hogwarts for breakfast with the rest of the tovarasi.

All the way into school, Hermione could not stop herself grinning.

The week passed relatively drama free. Of course, Hermione had gotten many confused glances from her fellow students, curious about her change of look and her three week long absence but with the tovarasi and Teodora's ongoing love and support, she was less affected by it than she thought she'd be. It felt nice to laugh in class again, to study in the library while having whispered conversations with her friends, to eat together in the great hall and watch the boys flicks bit of food at each other across the table. It was almost like how it used to be, but now she had more people around her, more people to love. Sometimes, it almost felt better than before.

The only thing that weighed on her mind, that had crept into her headspace the previous week and just did not seem to want to fall away, was whether or not she was going to tell Draco about his father. She'd been thinking about it for a while and though she tried to ignore it, she couldn't avoid the fact that she was the only person with the information that Draco desperately wanted. And it had been over three weeks since Harry had told her the truth. Granted she'd been kidnapped for four days and catatonic for another seven but since she'd gone back to Hogwarts, she'd begun to feel she was running out of excuses. He deserved to know and there didn't seem to be any way around her telling him.

All through that week, she thought about how best to broach the subject with him but she couldn't envision a situation wherein the results would be any more favourable than any other. She'd never been good at that sort of thing and when dealing with delicate subjects, tact was not one of her strong suits. She couldn't begin to imagine how he might react and found herself scared by the possibilities. What if he got angry? What if he broke down? What if he didn't believe her? Hermione didn't know if she was equipped to deal with any of that. Unfortunately none of her anxieties exempt her from the responsibility of telling him.

In the end, Hermione trusted that she would know when the right time would arise and left it at that.

On Friday evening, her and Draco shared dinner with the tovarasi at Hogwarts before returning to her flat together. They held hands as they wandered down Diagon Alley, the street lamps lighting their way. People stared but Hermione did not care.

Once inside Draco made tea, as he always did when they got home from school and the two of them sat down on the couch.

"Not sure what I think about this new assignment Teodora's given us." he was saying as he rummaged through his school bag to retrieve a quill and roll of parchment so that he could begin his transfiguration essay, "I mean… It seems a bit much, don't you think?"

"Well, she only told us to think about it. It didn't sound like it was definite…" said Hermione vaguely as she fetched her own essay from her bag.

"Yeah, but still… I mean, I can understand where she's coming from really. It's just the same old line of facing our demons and all that, isn't it? But I don't want you guys to have to come to Malfoy manor and I don't really feel like paying a visit to the Weasleys." Hermione shot him a scathing look and he rolled his eyes, "Not like that. I know it would be painful for you, that's all. And I can tell Ginny didn't like the idea."

"Yeah, well, she doesn't talk about it much but things aren't really great at the Burrow. Her mum wasn't quite right after the war and I don't think she'd like everyone to see the damage to her family first hand…" said Hermione with a sigh. The glazed look she remembered seeing in Mrs Weasley's eyes still haunted her sometimes.

"And I can tell you, Blaise hates his mother."

"Really?" said Hermione, surprised. She was so used to purebloods being coddled by their families, she couldn't imagine them hating any of their parents. Even Draco had a sort of twisted respect for his father.

"Oh yeah." he responded, nodding, "I think he blames her for his stance during the war. And she's not really the nicest of women."

"Have you met her?" Hermione asked.

"A couple of times. She used to come to the manor to see my mother. I could tell they didn't really like one another but, you know… All in the name of good appearances." he replied, his tone somewhat bitter.

Hermione sighed and shrugged. "Honestly, I don't think any of us really fancy returning to our family homes." she said, thinking of what it would be like to visit her parent's home in Cotswolds with the tovarasi. The idea made her feel sick in the stomach.

They worked in silence for a little while, quills scratching in the quiet room. Hermione was beginning to find it increasingly harder and harder to concentrate as the minutes passed.

After a while, Draco put down his quill and stretched. "Do you want me to put a record on?" he asked.

"Sure." Hermione responded but she wasn't really listening. She could feel the words sitting on the tip of her tongue, begging to be said. It felt like the right time. She wanted to tell Draco the truth but as soon as she felt resolved to do it, she looked at him and found herself overcome with anxiety. It wasn't that he looked happy, it was that he was relaxed, comfortable. And she desperately did not want to take that away from him.

He stood and made his way over to the record player, beginning to leaf through her collection. "What do you think?" he asked, totally unaware of her feelings. "Vivaldi or Nirvana? I can't decide what mood I'm…"

"Draco?" Hermione cut him off. It may not have been the best time, and she may be feeling uncomfortable doing it but to keep it from him any longer would have been disloyal. If she was honest with herself, she might have chosen that moment simply because she wanted to get the weight of the information she held off her chest, wanted to get it over with.

"Mmm?" he responded, still looking between the two records in his hands.

"I… I have to tell you something." she said, shifting uncomfortably.

He put down the records and looked at her, clearly concerned.

Hermione took a deep, steadying breath and pushed her hands under her legs so they would not shake. "Before Harry did what he did, we talked for a bit. And… He told me a few things. About your mother."

Draco's demeanor changed instantly. His hands balled into fists and his body tensed. "What about her?" he asked far too calmly, his face pale.

"He told me who gave the anonymous testimony." she said quietly.

"I'll fucking kill him." Draco snarled, obviously drawing the wrong conclusion.

Hermione threw up her hands in supplication and said urgently, "No! No, it wasn't him! He said… Well apparently the Wizengamot contacted him in the hopes that he would back the testimony given by… by this person. But he said no." she took a deep breath, "They told him that it was… that it was Lucius. Lucius gave the testimony in one last attempt to keep himself out of Azkaban."

For a moment, Draco did not react at all and simply stared at her, his mouth hanging open a little. Then, it morphed into a mask of hatred. He visibly recoiled from her and backed away. "You're lying!"

"What?! No!" said Hermione, shocked.

"Why would you say that?! Why would you tell me?!" he shouted, his voice cracking. She could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. It made her heart clench painfully.

"Because you deserved to know!" she cried, jumping to her feet and walking towards him, her hands held out, pleading.

"You're just trying to protect Potter, aren't you?!"

"No! Draco! How could you think I would do something like that?!" her voice was thickening with suppressed anger as she tried to grasp his hands in hers.

He threw her off, pushing her away from him so that she stumbled backwards, "Don't touch me!"

"Draco, please! Just listen to me!" she shouted, anger finally getting the better of her, stung that he'd pushed her away, that he could look at her like that. How could he be saying those things? Accusing her like that? Didn't he know her at all? "I'm not lying! I know this is hard to hear but…"

He cut her off. "Don't you dare try and counsel me! Don't you fucking dare!"

"I am not trying to counsel you, Draco! I'm trying to help!"

"Help?! I don't want your help!What does this look like to you?! You think you can understand this?!" he snarled, and swiped at the tears that had begun falling down his cheeks with his sleeve.

"No! I don't think I can understand it! I'm not trying to pretend I fucking understand it! But you and I both know that your father is capable of doing something like this! So don't blame me just because you can't handle the truth, Draco!" she yelled, pointing her finger in his face.

"What the fuck would you know about my father, Granger?!" he bit back, pushing his chest into her finger.

"I know that he would rather cow at the feet of a madman than be there for his family! I know that he gave you up to that madman like you were his to sell! I know that he tortured and killed people and did his very best to teach you to do the same! I know that Lucius Malfoy is a vile, evil human being who deserves the sentence that he got, doubly so because he threw his own wife under the bus just to keep himself from having to pay for his crimes!" she shouted, her voice grating against her throat. With almost every word she jabbed Draco in the chest with her finger again.

He threw his arms up over his ears and shook his head violently, "Shut up! Just shut up!"

"No, Malfoy! I will not!" she yelled, "You don't get to blame me for any of this! Do you understand?! I am not your scapegoat! Do you remember what Harry said to Voldemort right at the end? Remember? Try for some remorse, Tom. Well he never did, and he died, didn't he?! Your father didn't show remorse either and he never will! That's why he's in Azkaban and that's why he deserves to be there!Remorse is what makes us human! Your father may not have acted like he loved you, but I do! And I won't let you push me away!"

The room rung with silence when she finished shouting, her last words almost visibly hanging in the air between them. The space felt strangely empty without both their voices clattering off the walls jarringly. Draco slowly moved his arms away from his head and looked at Hermione with what seemed at first to be unadulterated shock. But there was something else in the look. Desperation, hope and pain. She couldn't understand it.

"You love me?" he said quietly.

Hermione clapped her hands over her mouth, realizing then what she had said. Draco grasped her shoulders and shook her violently.

"You love me?!" he shouted, a manic, desperate look on his face.

"Draco, you're hurting me!" she cried, panicking a little at his use of force.

"DO YOU LOVE ME?!" he insisted urgently, his voice gratingly loud in her ears.

"Alright! Yes!" she yelled, trying to push him away.

"Say it!" he demanded, his fingers digging into her skin painfully. "Say it, Hermione!"

Hermione yanked herself out of his grip and stepped away from him, breathing hard. He stared at her, his eyes pleading, the tears now pouring freely down his face.

"Please." he begged.

Could she say it? Could she say those three words to Draco Malfoy? This little boy in front of her, broken, all his jagged pieces sticking into her skin, into her life. Was it worth it? After everything he'd said to her, all of those horrible, horrible things… But then what about the things he'd done? Saving her that day she forgot to take the Rusine? Pulling her from the lake? She realised then that exactly what he'd told her so long ago was true. What Teodora had said was true. Back then, she'd been the one to be claiming that she was a good person, but Draco had been showing it. And ever since, he'd been showing her that he loved her. Now, he needed her to show that she loved him too. He needed to hear her say it. And, she realised, she need to hear her say it too…

"I love you."

And there it was. One word. One breath.

His hand moved to press over his heart as a wretched sob was wrenched from his mouth. He staggered sideways and leant heavily against the wall. Hermione watched as he pressed his face against the plaster as if he was trying to hide from her, his hand splayed on the wall. His face was cracked, crumpled in pain. He slowly sank down to the floor, his sobs becoming increasingly louder until she really thought he couldn't breathe. He was gasping and choking like he was drowning but the expression on his face was that of a man on fire.

She moved towards him slowly, in awe of what she was witnessing. She'd seen people like this, she'd even been there herself. She saw broken people all the time, all around her. But not broken like Draco was then. She had no idea he was hurting so much before that moment.

Hermione sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He pushed off the wall and leant into her chest where his tears soaked her shirt and his hand clutched onto her leg like a lifeline. She ran her hand over his hair soothingly.

"Shh. It's alright." she whispered, "You are beautiful and kind and clever and you will be ok. You are beautiful and kind and clever and you will be ok."

He cried for a long time into her chest and all the while Hermione did not move. She knew that it was years of hurt and abandonment and anguish that was doing this to him, that was coming out of him. She wouldn't try and stop it but she would be there for him while he wept. She would show him she loved him.

They sat together on the floor, intertwined, as she repeated the affirmation to him over and over again in a soft voice, always stroking his hair. She meant every single word. He was more beautiful than her words could express even like this, even crying and gasping and choking. He was kinder than anyone she'd ever met and it was all the more meaningful because he hadn't been taught that kindness, he'd grown into it. He was far more intelligent than he gave himself credit for and almost too intelligent for his own good. And finally, of all the people she knew who were broken, she was sure that Draco would be ok. He'd make it. Because he was stronger than even the strongest of them.

All of this, Hermione knew beyond a shadow of a doubt and felt deep in her heart.

After some time, she became aware of something that made her soul kneel down inside her mind. That made her give in totally to her love for the man crying in her arms. The whole time she had been comforting Draco, telling him that he was worth something, that he was vital to her, she had been crying too.

She had been crying too.

kit - Thanks for the review! Trust me, no one anticipated that chapter more than I lol. It was really hard not to start writing it earlier but I restrained myself!

chickenscratch07 - Haha to be honest I added it because I do exactly the same thing (when the sex is good enough to merit it of course lol). Thanks for the love! I hope you keep reviewing!!

aranel - I have to admit I do understand where you're coming from regarding Ginny. I could see where JK was going while writing her but I don't think she put much effort into it. It sort of felt a bit like BAM and there's a perfect girl for Harry, you know what I mean? I'm glad you liked the chapter! Lol Draco's cum face would certainly be a beautiful thing to behold hehe.

DB1 - Thanks! I hope you liked this one too :)

Kain - I also kind of agree with what you're saying here too. My viewpoint sort of stand that, while I would not call Ginny a Mary Sue necessarily, I still don't like her much and I didn't really like that Harry ended up with the 'popular girl' either. Felt a bit cheap. So in essence, I think I'm agreeing with you. xx

anaidra - Hehe oh god the wait was far too long... I hated it! But I'm glad you liked the chapter :D

lisha - Don't worry! I won't be stopping any time soon!! Please don't hunt me down lol xx

Cat - Yes! The high five! My favourite part :D xx

The quote at the beginning of this chapter is from Ani Difranco's song Swan Dive. Her music has served as a huge inspiration for this piece. I own nothing. Thanks Ani!
- 29
- 30
- 31
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Victim of the Fall