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The Long Road	By : SinisterMe Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 63598 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 18
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
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Remus looked at the arms that were directing his weightless form into the bathroom, aware that such contact was not necessary to move him. Also, he couldn’t help but see the way that the bandages across Severus’ shoulder were starting to bleed through. Snape went to set him in the water, but he placed a hand lightly on his chest.
“Stop, please sir,” he asked.
Severus paused in his motions immediately. “What?” he inquired, uncertainty clear on his features.
“Your bandages – they need to be seen to,” Remus said, his fingers hovering above what had earlier been white linen.
“Don’t worry, I’ll look after them later,” Severus tried to brush off his concern, not even looking down at his shoulder.
“If you’d let me, I’d like to look after them now,” Remus offered again meekly.
Severus rested him on the wide ledge of the tub and looked him straight in the face. “You’d care for my injury? Remus tonight I- …I just raped you,” Severus said, voice very subdued.
Remus tilted his head to the side. “That isn’t how I see it, sir.” The casual statement was meant as a line of forgiveness; he hoped Snape interpreted it as such.
“I appreciate what you are trying to do, but my actions are inexcusable.”
“I’m sorry to contradict you for a second time sir,” Remus said, “but I have excused them some minutes ago.” Severus’ face took on a more vulnerable expression than Remus had ever seen there in his life. “So if you don’t mind, sir; I’d like to take a look at that shoulder of yours,” Remus said, more strongly then he felt.
Snape’s arms hung limply at his sides, he stood still a moment longer before moving to retrieve a fresh roll of linen and the healing cream. He sat beside Remus and began to remove the soiled bandage from around his arm, his head downturned as if to look at what he was doing, face obscured in a thick curtain of hair.
Remus remembered this well from when they were in school. Severus had used to walk around like that, head down, shoulders slumped, his entire visage hidden behind a wall of lanky hair. He had recognized it even then as a barrier the other boy could erect at whim to hide himself from the eyes of everyone around him. He was in a position now to do something he’d always wanted to do, even back then.
He reached out his hand, pulling some of Severus’ hair away from his face and tucking it behind his ear, allowing his fingers to graze his master’s cheek as he did so.
Snape briefly glanced up from what he was doing without stopping the motions of his hands. He peered back down at his shoulder wordlessly, pulling fiercely at a length that appeared to have healed into the burn.
Remus reached out and gently stopped Severus in his motions; his master clearly hadn’t understood what he’d meant by that simple gesture. “Here, let me,” he offered, taking the material out of Snape’s hands, working it out of the newly starting scab with much caution.
When he had removed the cloth completely, he held out his hands. “Would you please sterilize them for me? This is all pointless if I give you an infection, sir.”
Snape cast the charm. His face and body were angled away from what was happening as much as possible. His body language said very clearly that uncomfortable was a grand understatement of what he was feeling right now.
Remus applied the cream liberally to the affected area, noting how Snape seemed totally unresponsive to what must have been a rather uncomfortable treatment. The edges of the burn were bright red and inflamed, the wound itself didn’t appear to be healing all that quickly. Remus reminded himself that not everyone had the benefit of advanced regeneration like he and his son did. All the same, he touched the shoulder as carefully as he was able, directing Severus to raise his arm a bit so he could bandage it up again.
He was done, the cap already screwed back onto the cream, everything set aside as it had been when they’d entered the room. Severus still wasn’t looking at him; though he did roll his shoulder and say “Thank you,” to what Remus assumed was the doorway, since that was what he was resolutely staring at. Lupin placed a hand on his knee, peering at him until Snape turned his head to look him straight in the eyes.
Their gazes locked for a second before Snape broke contact again, standing. “You should get in the water; it isn’t as warm as it could be in here.” He cast the levitation spell again, guiding Remus into the hot water with ease before climbing in directly beside him.
Severus poured a few measures from three different bottles into the water, moving his arm to curl around Remus’ back, his hand caressing the other man’s side under the slowly rising water.
Remus turned towards his master, feeling more than reassured that he was still being affectionate even though he had done what was needed, gotten what he’d wanted; whatever a person could call it. He slid his own arm over Severus’ chest, resting his head on one of his broad shoulders, loving the way that all Snape did was to tighten his arm around him in response.
They lay there, reclined in the hot water for a while without saying a word. Severus wondered if Remus was processing everything that had happened or if he was just afraid to speak his mind. He hoped that the other man didn’t object to their close proximity to each other, but he felt that they would do well to face the bond together. He hoped that it felt nothing like his own dark mark taking hold, either for him or for Remus. He had no desire for the lycanthrope to endure that kind of a crushing sensation and had even less desire, if possible, to know what Riddle had felt, even for a split second, while he was bonding his chattel to him.
He looked down at Remus, who didn’t appear to be having the same qualms as he did. The lycanthrope’s cheek was resting on his shoulder, his arm flung across his chest. If Severus didn’t know any better, he would think Remus a man who had just been satiated and was now basking in the afterglow. Though he wasn’t concerned that Remus had enjoyed himself tonight, or at least his body had, he knew that the fact that the other man had achieved orgasm didn’t mean anything. He knew first hand that a person’s body could be tricked into responding even though the mind that it housed found the goings on to be completely abhorrent. The fact that the body experienced pleasure did nothing for the lack of control a person underwent.
Severus finally had to ask, as Remus didn’t seem about to start a conversation any time soon. “How are you doing, Remus? Is there anything you need?” He had finally gotten over the lump that had risen in his throat when Lupin had said he’d pardoned his actions and again when the man had taken the bandages from his hands. He’d barely been able to look at him during the entire procedure he’d been so ashamed of himself and his actions.
“Hmm?” Remus asked, lifting his head a little. “No; this is wonderful, sir.” He felt like a boneless lump, glad that Severus was there to lean against. Maybe he was getting old or was affected by his healing body, but tonight’s events had really taken it out of him. He rested his cheek back where it had been.
The water stopped filling, the tub having reached its capacity.
“Wonderful?” Severus repeated. That definitely wouldn’t have been the first word he’d have guessed would come out of Remus’ mouth in description of the evening. He felt Remus nod against his healed shoulder.
“You’ve been very good to me, sir; thank you.”
Snape didn’t go with his first reaction, which would have been to grab hold of Lupin’s shoulders and attempting to shake some sense into the man. He took a deep breath and said as calmly as he could, “I’m not looking for you to placate me, Remus.”
Remus did lift his head this time, turning so he was facing Severus. “I am being honest with you, sir.” He placed his hand in the middle of Snape’s chest. “Maybe it isn’t possible to understand it, if you’ve never been through it before. I can’t compare our… encounter tonight with any of the times Macnair had me because there isn’t anything to compare. After a while, I didn’t have to tell myself that it was you and not him touching me, even without my sight – because he had never once been so careful with me. He would never lay a hand on me for something as useless as my pleasure.”
Taking in everything he’d said and slowly nodding his head, Severus came to a quick conclusion. He was about to do something highly unusual for him, which shouldn’t surprise him as he’d been doing uncharacteristic things since Remus and Teddy first came to his house. He would give something up for Remus; tell him something he’d never willingly told another person. The bond was still forming, he hadn’t felt it grip his soul yet; it was something he was sure he’d be unable to miss. While it was still stewing, he would give Lupin a small measure of power over him; he would submit, if only a little.
“I wouldn’t say that I am unfamiliar with what you are referring to,” he said slowly, wondering even as he did if this wasn’t a terrible idea.
Remus stilled. “Sir?” he asked in an unsure voice.
“One of the most notable of these experiences was just after the return of Voldemort. The first time I was summoned after the incident at the Triwizard Tournament I answered and went, not knowing what I would be arriving to. The entire inner circle was gathered, three figures already prostrate at Riddle’s feet. I was ushered forward as well, kneeling where I was told. I didn’t leave that place for eight days, which in all reality could have been worse; one of us didn’t leave at all.” Severus swallowed, wondering again if it would pay off to tell this story and just what he was hoping to accomplish with it.
Remus lay back against Severus’ side so the other man wouldn’t have to look him in the face as he said what he needed to say. Snape had always kept everything so close; he wondered why such a private person would choose to share such a personal story with him of all people.
“Riddle left; his physical form didn’t have much endurance at that point and he needed to rest often. The four of us were left with the other nine. There were eight men and Bella; all prominent members of the circle, their faithfulness was not in question; ours was. We were to prove it or die.”
“How were you to do that, sir? Why didn’t he just look into your minds?” Remus asked, even though he figured he shouldn’t interrupt this monologue.
“We were to do it by suffering; he didn’t look into our minds because he was too weak at that point in time; though he did look later before we were permitted to leave, once we were more broken down and pliant. That way we would have very few defenses, or so he perceived.” Severus took a deep breath and settled further into the water, finding himself chill despite the heat. Luckily for him (and the Order) he tended to rely on his Occlumency very heavily if he was in physical or emotional pain or stress.
“They stripped and beat me, to get things started. One of them hauled me off the ground and tied me over a narrow table. I don’t know what they did with the others; they separated us and would work us over alone or in pairs. Every one of them wanted a chance to see me put in my place for one reason or another. They took turns with me, tied to that table; though I’m sure it was no different for the other three. I was set up so that two of them could be on me at once, one at either end of my body. It was such a brutal cycle, it must have gone on for days; I thought they would never tire of it.” He felt Remus’ arms ensnaring his middle, holding him close.
“But eventually they did, or most of them anyway; I think it was Lucius who decided to take the hammer to my hand, but I don’t have any proof. My eyes were blindfolded most of the time, or else they were wearing their masks. I knew who they all were, but after the question would be: who had done what. They gave me a dose of something out my own lab that would keep me awake; they fed me so much of it I didn’t sleep for almost twelve days. Even after I was returned to Hogwarts I couldn’t lose consciousness. I had to watch Poppy cut off and regrow my left hand – it had been too badly damaged to be healed and still function.
“Somewhere in the first two days someone had smashed my knee; I’d stood on it the entire time I was tied down; it was that or hang by my wrists and with that pulverized hand that wasn’t really an option. I received several broken ribs and a hip fracture from them pounding me into the edge of that table. That was just the beginning really; with that many people in power they could sleep in shifts so someone was always with me.
“I don’t know how long Bella had me under the Cruciatus while I was kept there, but I had no control over my muscles whatsoever. One thing I can say about that bitch is that she wasn’t creative but she was very determined. She could hold a Crucio longer than anyone I’ve ever met; she’d twist my broken fingers while she did it, singing into my ear all the while… If she really wanted a kick shed cast it while one of them was taking me from behind. Leave it to that woman to invent ways to make either of those experiences more excruciating.
"Needless to say, I was an absolute mess when they were done with me. Someone dropped me off in the Forbidden Forest when it was over, I can’t remember who; probably Lucius again. He would have been the only one with enough regard for me to go that far out of his way and into enemy territory for me. I was unable to walk; Hagrid found me some hours later and got me the help I needed from the castle.”
“How long did it take you to recover, sir?” Remus asked. His stomach turned at the thought of one person enduring so much in such a short period of time. Also at the thought that these people were supposed to be Snape’s friends, at one point anyway. They had gone to school with him and known him since he was a boy and yet were willing to do all of that to him on someone’s mere request. He spoke of Lucius as a friend; he was the godfather of his son. He suddenly felt very lucky to have had James and Sirius as his friends and brothers; even for the short time they had had each other.
“I left the hospital wing after two weeks; there is a reason I’m so proficient at getting you and that armchair around, you know. I basically levitated myself back to my quarters in the dungeons and licked my wounds until the Headmaster and Poppy conspired to agree I was well enough to resume teaching.”
Remus found a pain in his heart at the thought of Snape, holed up and completely alone in his dungeon quarters, trying to deal with the enormity of what had happened to him. His first thought was that the man probably hadn’t taken care of himself whatsoever. His second thought was that it was not like Albus to allow someone to despair alone during such hardship, though maybe he had made an exception for his prickly Potion’s Master, knowing that sharing would not help him as it would most other people.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Remus said. He omitted the ‘sir’ because he was not saying this as a slave vying for his master’s favor, but as one person to another.
Severus shrugged, making a face. “That isn’t the reason I told you all of that.”
“Why did you tell me, sir?” Remus asked; his voice so small it was almost like he was willing it not to be heard at all.
“I told you because I have been inside of your mind; I’ve seen one of your most hated memories. I’m in absolute control of your son, your life; I just invaded your body and am likely to have to do so again – I wanted, however briefly or inconsequentially, to submit to and make myself vulnerable to you. I needed you to know that I never wanted to do to you what those people did to me, and I’m sorry that in the end I was required to.”
“Look at me, sir,” Remus requested. “I’m not torn or bleeding; I’ve no broken bones or black eyes; here I sit with you, together in a medicated bath that will take any minor aches I feel away. I still don’t see how you can compare what you- what we- did tonight with the actions of those people.” Remus placed a kiss on Severus’ chest, close to where his cheek had been resting. “I certainly don’t; and the fact that you are concerned about it in the way you are says volumes to support me. You’re one of the most logical people I know, sir; surely you can see where I’m coming from.”
“I will have to take your word on it,” Severus said quietly.
“Good,” Remus said, thinking that was probably the best he could hope for tonight. “We should get on with this bath before the water cools, don’t you think?”
Snape nodded mutely, finding a washcloth, wetting it and pouring some soap over it.
“Here; let me,” Remus offered, taking the cloth from Snape. He began to run it along the length of the other man’s body. He was thorough with his motions, attending to every area of his master’s body, wanting to show him that he would willingly care for his needs, any of them, all of them.
When he was done, Snape took back the cloth, repeating the process and washing Remus’ body much the same as he had when they were in their first bath together. When he was done they lay there a while longer before Severus sat up, careful to help Remus up with him as the other man was still lying against him.
He got himself out of the bath and cast a quick drying spell on himself and levitated Remus out of the tub, hitting him with the same spell and helping him into a robe and a loose pair of sleeping trousers, settling him back in the chair. He dressed himself in much the same fashion and took Remus through the doorway and back into the bedroom.
On the nightstand beside the bed there had appeared a steaming goblet, probably curtesy of Fred. The uncanny little bugger must have known they were going to turn in soon.
He set Remus by the bed, helping him to drink his Wolfsbane and taking a second to straighten the sheets and blankets on the bed before moving him over to the mattress and helping him to cover up. Glancing across the room, he decided to take care of the dishes in the morning and climbed in next to Remus, moving beside the other man so their elbows were touching. He said the closing lines of the invocation slowly and clearly, finding himself glad it was completely over. He turned on his side so he was facing Remus.
Remus shifted to face that way also, not to turn his back on his master, but to be able to push himself nearer. Severus lifted his arm awkwardly before settling it down over his middle. It was odd how up until tonight, Snape had pushed them forward and now, after the ceremony, it seemed on some level that he was the one urging them to keep up the pace. After everything that had transpired this evening, Remus thought that he would be hard pressed to name somewhere he would rather be than dozing here with Severus.
Snape snuck his other arm under Lupin’s pillow so it wouldn’t be crushed between them and fall asleep on him during the night. He sighed, feeling guilty for the contentment he was taking from Remus’ body, but too weak willed to remove himself from the other man’s side.
Remus lay in the soft, warm bed; his master’s arms enfolding him. His eyes were drifting closed, though he was fighting to keep them open, when suddenly the bond made itself known. He heard Severus gasp behind him; so he was feeling it also.
His heart was pounding, his breath increased; this was so completely different from last time that he second guessed it was the bond at all for a moment. A strong emotion welling up inside of him that could only be described as love; he felt that there was a small strong sun burning inside of his chest and that his body was the rest of the solar system, warmed, illuminated. His mouth opened but he didn’t make a sound. As the crescendo diminished he was left with peace like he wasn’t sure if he’d ever known; his breathing evened and he wasn’t positive that he could move. Severus’ arms around his body tethered him to reality as his soul awoke and briefly danced. His body was tingling all the way down to his toes.
Severus knew that Remus was feeling it as well; he could tell by the way the man’s body tightened in his arms. All he could do was to pray it wasn’t branding itself on his soul and that the other man was feeling just a fraction of what he himself was experiencing. It felt like forgiveness and surprisingly it felt like love; or what Severus Snape considered to be love. He’d never claimed to be an expert on the subject, having only experienced it once or twice in his life, and even then it had never been certain. His mother had loved him once, in her own way, and he had lover her. He had loved Lily and later Albus; each in their own way. Funny, how in one fashion or another he had caused all three of their deaths. The feeling held some trepidation alongside its mysterious bliss.
“Sir,” Remus said, “this doesn’t feel at all like the last time.”
“How is it different?” Snape asked out of curiosity.
“I thought that the despair I endured the night after my bonding with Macnair was because of what he had done to me and my son; but now I’m not so sure,” Remus said.
“Why is that?” Severus asked, alarmed.
“Because now I feel… awake, alive; I don’t know – somehow I feel… peaceful. I think what I was feeling that night was the bond settling over me.”
“I am experiencing a similar sensation,” Severus admitted. Those may not have been the exact words he would have used to sum up what was going on inside of him, but the sentiment was the same.
“I think that’s the bond,” Remus said.
Snape found himself praying that the other man was correct. It would mean that he had done something right for a change. It would mean that he had accomplished his goal and created a spell that would permit fairness and the comfort of a routine. He was trying not to jump to conclusions, for he would know nothing until he read the extra rules as laid out by the spell. The rules would write themselves onto a piece of parchment he had closed in the book containing the ritual. They would be definite and unchangeable, though if one was clever, ways could be found around their wording. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that; that the bond would lay out an easy road to tread for both of them, but he would know more in the morning and not before.
As the surging feeling subsided, he touched his lips to Remus’ shoulder. They both lay there in silence for a time, each lost in their own thoughts before Remus’ voice broke the tranquility.
“Sir,” he asked, trying to get what he wanted to say straight before he spoke, “was the way you went about things tonight based off of what you wanted the bonding magic to see or your own preferences?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that the next time we are physical together, is what went on tonight the sort of interaction you would wish to have again?”
“Yes; most definitely. Though the next time your hands will not be bound and your eyes will not be blindfolded.”
“What did the parameters for the ritual say about my… orgasm?” Remus felt himself blush as he asked the question. “Was that something that you felt needed to be achieved for some purpose?” Remus couldn’t believe he was actually voicing these thoughts out loud, but so far his master didn’t seem to find them aggravating.
“The only concrete thing laid out was that I was to orgasm twice during the ritual; other than that the rest was up to us. I have no idea how it will affect the outcome of the bond. I made love to you in the way that I chose; I would change nothing.”
“But… why, sir?”
“The bond can require me to force a physical relationship with you, but it cannot make me do it in a humiliating or unbearable way.”
“But sir, if the bond requires you to do something and you refuse to do it; it will punish you the same as it would me.”
“It can punish me all it wants; I’ll not brutalize you or your boy. Let’s hope it does not come to that. We can begin to plan our way forward once we’ve seen the full outline of the bond.”
“How will we know what it wants us to do?” Remus asked.
“We will read what the magic has written. We will be able to do it first thing in the morning; I wouldn’t recommend looking before that point, as it may be unfinished.”
“I see; so how do we know we won’t be breaking a rule in between then and now, sir?” Remus really didn’t want to incur the wrath of the bond; in his experience with Macnair it was worse even than having his master punish him. The bond had no mercy and no limit to how far it would go if pushed enough. He had had to learn the rules the hard way with Walden, as he had never been permitted to see what was expected of him.
“I suppose we don’t; though it is safe to say that we should have a hard time breaking one if we are sleeping, or at least in the safety of the blankets. I would think, anyway,” Severus said.
“Sir, will you show me the requirements of the bond?” Remus asked, unable to keep the question to himself.
“Of course; we will go over them together. How else will you know what to do to keep yourself from being punished by the bond?”
“I wouldn’t, sir,” Remus answered.
“Well then there you have it, we will take our time and make sure we both understand what the magic expects of us. I am sorry if the results are unfavorable; I cannot control what the magic sees in my soul.”
Remus heard the melancholy in Severus’ voice. He placed his hand on Snape’s forearm where it crossed his torso, curling his legs so they would nudge against his legs. He thought that unless the magic saw something completely different in his master than the picture that was being slowly made clear to him, they might be just fine. He lacked the courage to say so, however. As well as the fact that his eyes were drifting shut and his mind was slowly going blank.
Now that everything was done; Severus felt himself beginning to flag. Remus was going limp in his arms, relaxing completely as he fell into a slumber. Severus wasn’t that far behind him, trying to stay awake a moment longer to savor the nearness of this other person who would quite possibly stay with him forever.
It was several hours later when Severus heard the sound of a fist knocking hesitantly against the door of his rooms. He sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes as the door swung open silently, glad that he and Remus had taken the time to put on sleeping attire before turning in.
Teddy padded up to the side of the bed, dragon grasped at his side. “Sir?” he whispered softly.
“Hello, Teddy,” Severus said, propping himself up on an elbow and speaking in hushed tones so as not to wake Remus.
The boy jumped. “I’m sorry I had to wake you, sir!” he lamented.
Severus sat up, rubbing his hands over his face two times before looking down at the little boy who appeared only slightly less frightened than the last time he’d come in here in the middle of the night to wake him up.
“I’m not; you should come get me when you have a problem, even in the middle of the night, Teddy. That is one of the reasons I am here. What happened; are you okay?”
Teddy nodded, beginning to cry again. “I wet the bed again, sir. And I was supposed to stay out of your way tonight but I had to come get you anyway. Please don’t be angry, sir!”
“Do I seem like I’m angry?” Severus asked. He could tell that the child was overly tired, more than likely partly to blame for the strong emotions and large tears pouring down his face. He hadn’t had a very good sleep the last couple of nights and it had probably contributed to the wetting of the bed tonight.
Teddy sniffled. “No, sir.”
“You changed into fresh sleeping clothes?” Severus asked.
“Yes sir,” Teddy said, taking a deep gulp of air, his breath was still shuddering from his tears. The child was positively shaking. “I’m sorry I’m so bad!” he exclaimed.
Snape swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Come here, Teddy,” he instructed the boy in a calm voice.
Teddy sobbed again, but did as he was told, closing the gap between him and Severus. Shape lifted him off the floor and sat him on the bed, turning and climbing off of it so that he was kneeling in front of Teddy at the same level he was.
“You have yet to do anything here that I would consider bad. We all make mistakes and accidents happen to everyone, in one way or another. That does not make you a bad person, Teddy; that makes you human.” He wondered if this conversation was getting too heavy to have with a little boy at this ungodly hour of the morning.
Teddy wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. “You think so, sir?”
“Oh yes, in fact, I know it to be true.” From the light in the hall Snape could see that Teddy’s toes were a little red. He closed both of his hands around one of the small feet. “My, your feet are cold,” he noted, blowing warm air into his cupped hands before moving to the other foot and doing the same.
Teddy giggled as the breath tickled his feet.
“See, it can’t be all that terrible if you can still laugh,” Severus pointed out.
Teddy yawned. “I guess not, sir.”
“I’m going to go change your sheets. How about you climb in with your father and get warm while I do that?” Snape suggested.
Teddy nodded, moving to hop off of the bed. Severus stopped him. “He’s sleeping just over there,” he nodded with his head.
The boy swiveled around to see the form of his father stretched out under the blankets, looking back at Snape with wide eyes.
“He’s fine, only sleeping,” Severus assured him immediately.
“He isn’t… hurt?” Teddy asked, unsure.
Severus shook his head. “No; he isn’t hurt, just very tired.”
“Okay,” Teddy agreed.
Snape helped him slide his feet under the covers, pulling them back up over him. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Yes, sir,” Teddy said.
Snape stood and went into Teddy’s room, turning on the light and dimming the nightlight that was shining on the night stand. He stripped the bed, tossing the soiled sheets into the laundry before charming the mattress clean and putting new linens on. He made the bed again, fluffing the pillow and turning down the blankets so Teddy would be able to get in easier.
He padded back into his bedroom and up to the side of the bed. He found Teddy to be snoring softly beside his father, whose amber eyes were glinting at him through the dark. Severus paused for a moment, circling the bed and sitting down on Lupin’s side of it. He wondered how long the man had been awake and if he had witnessed his initial interaction with Teddy.
“Should I put him back in his own bed; or do you think that would wake him up again?” Severus asked quietly.
Remus gave him that look again. “You changed his sheets?”
Snape looked affronted. “Yes; I’d not put him back in a wet bed.”
“You got up and changed his sheets,” Remus repeated.
“Yes, that is what I just said,” Severus explained slowly, wondering if Remus was still half asleep or had a head wound he knew nothing about.
“That won’t affect the bonding?” Remus asked.
“No; not at all. What would you have me do? He can sleep where he is or I can move him back to his own bed.”
Remus realized that Severus was looking at him for an answer. “You’d let him sleep in here with us?”
Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. Remus was certainly full of questions this morning. “It wouldn’t bother me; you’re his father. We just made love in this bed, if you felt it was not appropriate I would take him to his room.” Snape was about go and lay down until Remus made up his mind if this took much longer.
“Maybe it would be best if he did go back to his own room. That way he can get up as normal and we can look into the rules laid out by the bond.”
“Alright then; that is what I will do. Go back to sleep.” Severus stood and went back over to his side of the mattress, pulling the covers back and very carefully scooping Teddy out of the bed and into his arms. He leant the slumbering boy’s head against his shoulder and held him securely in his arms, going back for the dragon and tucking him into his arms beside the child.
Remus noted how Severus handled Teddy as if he was a glass ornament instead of a little boy; also the way his son’s small arms curled around the taller man’s neck when he shifted him to get better purchase.
Severus walked from the room in slow, measured strides.
Back in Teddy’s room, he laid the boy back into his fresh bed, covering him and pulling the blankets up to his chin. He tucked the dragon in as well, somewhere the child would be sure to find it if he woke up again. He watched for a moment to make sure the boy wouldn’t wake up before dimming the nightlight even more and returning to the hall, leaving the door halfway open behind him.
He entered his own room feeling like he might as well just stay up. Looking at the clock it was almost four thirty in the morning. He considered donning a robe and heading down to his lab for some much needed research, but caught Remus looking at him as he neared the bed.
“Are you coming back to bed, sir?” Remus asked.
Severus almost said he was going to stay up, but decided against it. “Yes,” he answered, making the slight adjustment needed in his course to end up at his side of the bed. He climbed in and covered himself with the blanket.
Remus sidled up to him right away, clearly not having fallen back to sleep either. He felt instantly that he had made the correct decision in coming back to bed as soon as he felt Remus’ arm sliding lightly across his chest and resting there, the other man’s body pressed against his side.
“Thank you,” Remus said, leaning in to place a kiss on his cheek.
“It isn’t the first time I’ve gotten him back into a changed bed,” Severus said, feeling uncomfortable with the gratitude.
“I suppose not,” Remus said pensively. “Were you that nice last time too?”
“Nice?” Severus said, almost spitting the word out of his mouth. “I was being a reasonable adult, Remus; nice had nothing to do with it.”
Remus saw this as the Severus he used to think he knew speaking. Only now he saw it a little more clearly as a defense than as direct rudeness. Had Severus done this his entire life? That acidic, off putting way of saying things may have hung between him and other people like a second curtain of hair, only one that was harder to put your finger on, more difficult to move out of the way. Or maybe he was just very tired.
“Oh yes; all reasonable adults tickle little boy’s feet. That was a very sensible of you, sir.” He barely thought about his sarcastic response this time, hoping Snape would accept it for what it was.
Severus let out a snort of laughter. “Alright; you win again. I’m not all iron fist you know; I did supervise an entire House of children for quite a few years.”
“And you loved every minute of it,” Remus said, grinning. Thinking back to Severus in those days was like thinking back to another lifetime in which they had both been very different people.
“I definitely wouldn’t go that far,” Severus said. “But for most of the year, I was the only person completely, one hundred per cent on their side. Even the Headmaster didn’t have their best interests at heart all of the time, especially during the time the second was getting started. Many of their parents wanted to give them to Voldemort to protect their families and interests. The rest of the school looked on them in fear and hatred because of their house and the actions of some of their families. It was difficult to keep them on track with all of that going on.” He hadn’t spoken so much in his entire life as in these last few days. Something about Lupin made him feel the need to speak; this was not necessarily a good thing.
“I didn’t mean to imply you didn’t care about them, sir. That much was always obvious in one way or another. I know you did the best you could by them.”
“Not good enough in many cases, I’m afraid. I lost so many of them to him, Remus. They just signed their lives away, gave him the deed to their very souls. I tried to stop them, to make them think; but if I said too much my life was forfeit – and then there would be no one to protect them from him.”
Remus had never thought about it that way. The fine line Severus had walked while he taught at Hogwarts was something very unique, with spies everywhere; anyone could report his actions at any time. “You did the best you could sir. I’m certain there are young adults now who remained free of all of that because of you. It is impossible to save everyone, in a war like that.”
“That may be true, but it remains a small consolation compared to what we lost,” Severus said. He himself had lost everything to the war; but he hadn’t much to begin with. Others had lost much more than he had ever had or hoped to have.
Remus peered at Snape in the dim light, seeing him fairly accurately with his enhanced vision. His eyes were closed as he spoke, lines Remus had never noticed clearly visible on his face; he looked tired as he talked about losing those children. Was this supposed to be some sort of coded reply to his statement about being nice to his son, or about his time teaching; both perhaps? Knowing Severus, this was highly possible; the latter most likely. It was too early in the morning to have a full on discussion with a Slytherin.
He tightened his arm around Severus; mirroring the position his master seemed to enjoy taking and sliding his squished arm under Snape’s pillow. “Well I heard a wise man say recently that mistakes and accidents happen to everyone and end up making us human. Or something like that.”
“You certainly are feisty first thing in the morning,” Severus said, smiling with his eyes still closed.
“Just trying to keep up, sir.”
Remus felt a small ripple of laughter go through Snape’s chest. He couldn’t believe it; Severus thought it was funny when he spoke to him like that. Expect the unexpected, sure; but Macnair would have pounded his nose through the back of his skull if he’d been even half as snappy with him.
He wouldn’t say so aloud yet, but he thought that if things continued on like this for much longer without taking a drastic one hundred and eighty degree turn, then he would tell Severus that he would stay here with him. He had already basically decided, but fear still held him back. Surely this was too good to be true?
Severus turned his head, the echo of his smile not completely wiped off his face. He leant forward and touched their lips together lightly. He suddenly felt like he could sleep again; not knowing if anyone he had ever been with had wrapped their arms around him like this and been content to lie there. He’d had many sexual experiences but few lovers in his life, and even then the term was kind of stretching it really; it was more like one night stands that had come back for seconds or possibly thirds. Or Lucius; but he was really more like a huge pain in his arse than anything else, in every sense of the phrase.
His eyes drifted shut. Perhaps it was the knowledge that Remus couldn’t kill him in his sleep even if he wanted to, but he’d found it easy to drift off in the lycanthrope’s presence right from the start. That was not a normal occurrence with most other people; any other people really, save for Albus if he were still alive and possibly Poppy Pomfrey if he was doped up on enough potions.
Remus stayed awake a little longer, watching as Severus begrudgingly fell asleep. He pressed a kiss against his master’s shoulder and thought about everything that had led him here. After a while, Snape’s even breathing became infectious and his eyes began to get heavy as well.
A/N: Thank you for the wonderful response to the last chapter; glad to see most of you liked it! Here’s the next installment, hope you enjoy this one too. Let me know what you think; I love hearing it! I have no idea if this is the direction I should have gone or not; if you have an opinion on it, let me know!
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The Long Road