Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I Understand	By : LMG67 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Author Notes
- 2-Revelation
- 3-Grief
- 4-Horror
- 5-Thoughts
- 6-Anger
- 7-Training
- 8-Explanation
- 9-Expressions
- 10-Thinking
- 11-Tower
- 12-Pain
- 13-Seperate
- 14-Questions
- 15-Tears
- 16-In their own words
- 17-Tantrum
- 18-Sorrow
- 19-Darkness
- 20-Light
- 21-Passion
- 22-Breath
- 23-Suspicions
- 24-Iggy
- 25-Fear
- 26-Decisions
- 27-Understanding
- 28-Draco
- 29-Harry
- 30-Fallout
- 31-Accidents...
- 30
- 31
ACCIDENTS...

“I don’t want your hand this time Potter.” Draco sneered into the tense shocked silence. He glared
hatefully at the hand extended to him.

He felt like he was drowning in his fear; the fear that Harry did not want this, the fear that his father
would find out and kill Harry, and most of all the fear that this was all just a big joke on him.

“You won’t break me again Potter.” He snarled so softly that only the shaking of Harry’s hand
showed he had heard, as he refused to look into Harry’s eyes. Harry’s eyes, when he let them, were
doors into his soul and one thing Draco did not need to do right now was look into his soul mates’
soul. If he did he would not have the strength to walk out that door. He closed off all of ED’s
screams and stormed from the room slamming the door behind his quickly retreating form, leaving
behind a shocked silence that lasted for minutes.

What have you done boy!

What I needed to do.

And what of our talk earlier?

You think that should have changed what I had to do? I love him, yes, but he will not get me that
easily. I went as far as getting him that sappy nickname, that is as far as I will go, I am still a
Malfoy. You do not know me well enough if you thought that I would be any different than I was
before.

You stupid boy!

I may get a manicure and a pedicure every now and then, and I may always be immaculately
dressed, and I may fix my hair until every strand is in its place, and I may EVEN be gay, but that
in no way, shape, or form MAKES ME A GIRL!

I...OH I see. **chuckle** How very...Slytherin of you.

Yes, it was wasn’t it? Considering the whole I AM A SLYTHERIN thing. **smugly**

So what now?

Now he ‘comes’ to me.

As he walked down the hall Draco and ED shared a typical evil laugh and across Draco’s face was a
typical Malfoy smirk. Harry would come for him soon. His Gryffindor stupidity would make sure of
that. He was so caught up in his ‘getting one over Potter’ thoughts that he failed to see the hulking
form of a certain girl follow him down the hallway and out the door to the Quidditch pitch.

~`*`~

The shocked silence lasted many minutes and no one wanted to be the first to say anything to break
it either. One look at Harry’s face and no one would have uttered a word, even if Voldemort himself
walked in and started throwing curses around.

Harry’s eyes were flashing his anger and by the square of his jaw it was apparent the grinding that
was heard, quite loudly, was coming from him. He would have to go see Hermione’s parents soon if
he kept that up. Everyone was watching him warily, not sure what he was going to do.

A voice came from the back of the room and everyone watched as Harry’s lithe body seem to tense
even more and his eyes went from flashing anger to the familiar cold emerald shards they had been
seeing less of lately.

“Now you know what he felt like all those years ago when you refused his hand and continued to
refuse him time and time again.” Madam Pomfrey said quietly.

“I just thought...I didn’t mean...” Harry said shakily obviously fighting for control.

“Of course you didn’t, Harry. But you...” Pansy started off softly, “it won’t be that easy,” but
finished harshly.

Ron turned her around and hugged her tightly. “Harry?” He asked his best friend.

Harry turned and once again cold dead eyes landed on Ron. Ron flinched when he saw Harry’s face.

“No.” Harry said all emotion gone from his face. His voice was void of emotion once again and
everyone in the room flinched at its coldness, it‘s utter emptiness.

“I told you, you would know when to let the mask slip Mr. Potter. I never said it would be easy.”
The newcomer bluntly said. “If you put it back now it may never come off.”

“I don’t care.” Harry ground out harshly. Looking around he noticed the accusing glances sent his
way. He knew he had messed up royally but what did he do about it now? He walked away from the
others going to stand at the same window he had stood at one week before.

Remus was watching Harry very closely and his werewolf senses could pick up on Harry’s
confusion easily. He glanced quickly at Sirius but could tell that the other man was at a loss as to
what to say. Looking around he saw that most of the occupants of the room were at a loss as to what
to say to the furious boy before them. Remus did not want to clean the training room up again so
soon but knew that this was an opportunity that they could not pass up to force Harry to talk to them
once again. He noticed the Slytherin girl’s, Pansy he thought her name was, eyes flash dangerously
and took this chance at pushing Harry.

“Why Harry? Why don’t you care? What do you want?” Remus bluntly said.

“I just want...” Harry stopped before he could say anything more.

“What Harry? What does the Great Harry Potter want?“ Pansy demanded to know not able to stand
it anymore.

“Pansy...” Greg said softly trying unsuccessfully to head her off.

“No! I am tired of all this. I am bloody sick and tired of standing here listening to the petty wants of
a seventeen-year-old baby. He is not the only one in this, yet we tip toe around him.” Pansy ground
out her hands flying about to emphasize her harsh words. She shook off Ron’s arms as he attempted
to calm her down. She went on relentlessly, hammering Harry with her words. Each one made the
black haired boy flinch but he stood silently withstanding her wrath.

“By Merlin‘s Beard! When will he grow up? When will you stop treating him as if he was made of
china? If he breaks, he breaks, but at least getting there may knock some sense into his stupid,
hardheaded, Gryffindorish sensibilities!”

“You are a fool Harry if you thought Draco would take your hand like that.” Her voice softened as
she continued, “this morning, he would have. I could have guaranteed you that, but not now? Now,
Harry, if you want Draco you will have to work for him. And after what I heard earlier you better
come up with some kind of plan and quick because he does not have much time left.”

“Don’t be a stupid Gryffindor boy. Go after him.” Snapped Snape, into the silence Pansy’s tirade
had left, reluctantly giving his permission to the bond that he had been fighting against for days.

“How did you know?” Harry asked the room softly minutes later not turning to look at any of them.

“We told them.” Hermione whispered uncomfortably, waiting for Harry to blow.

Harry’s shoulders slumped as the weight of the last two weeks settled even more on his young, tired
shoulders.

Are you done taking steps backwards, Mr. Potter?

I don’t know if I can do this.

Only one way to find out Harry. Trust them to be there for you.

I...I don’t know how...if I can.

I know son, but you either take the next step to finish this or Draco will have a life worse than
death.

What!

You are his soul mate Harry. What do you think it will do to him if he has to be Moldies love
slave?

Oh God! Harry gasped as panic started to rise in him.

You have already hurt him Harry. Yes, he hurt you too, but there is only so much coldness a
person can take before they break, especially if it is from the one that they love.

Love? He...he loves me?

Of course he does Harry. Did you think he didn’t? You did. You thought he didn’t love you.
Oh Harry...you...I am sorry son.

I...don’t think I can do this ED. It...it hurts so much.

If you do not tell him it will make things worse. Trust him to see WHY you did what you did,
not just that you did it.

You...you didn’t tell him did you?

No. I didn’t but you need to tell him and soon. He needs to know everything, no matter how
much it hurts him.

How can I?

By putting the mask in place Harry but not shutting them out. Or scaring them. You worry
them; accept it, deal with it, and move on.

I’ll try. Harry felt the panic from earlier die down though it did not go away fully.

He will understand Harry.

I don’t think he will.

I know he will.

ED....thank you.

It is what I am here for Harry.

He ran his hand tiredly through his hair and flinched when it shot pains up his arm. He stared at his
bloodied knuckles absently for several minutes before he squared his shoulders and turned to face
the room. His mask was back on his face but there was a slight difference, his eyes had lost the cold,
dead look that had become so commonplace these last months, to be replaced with a fierce look of
determination. A look that made each and every person in the room give a silent sigh of thanks to
see.

“Good show, Mr. Potter.” Came the approving voice of Fowl.

Harry lifted a corner of his mouth in response but did not acknowledge the approval in any other
way. He turned his attention to the Headmaster and with an incline of his head towards the door
requested a meeting. Dumbledore knew what Harry wanted to talk about so he also inclined his
head towards the door in agreement. Dumbledore ushered the adults out, leaving Harry and his
friends alone in the training room.

“They needed to know, Harry.” Hermione’s tense voice broke the silence after the last adult left the
room.

“I know Mione, I just wish we could have come up with something before they had to find out.”
Harry insisted.

“I know you did but keeping it from them...they needed to know Har.” Neville retorted. Neville
ignored the looks he could feel coming his way from the two Slytherin boys in the room as he went
to gather Harry in his arms.

Harry smiled wanly at Neville trying not to stiffen as Neville hugged him, “Yeah Nev, I know.”

Neville leaned down to whisper in Harry’s ear before hugging him one last time tightly and stepping
back. “No games Harry?”

Harry smiled at Neville, the look of determination not leaving his eyes but his face lit up with humor
at their private joke, one he was sure only the two of them knew about. Harry and Neville had found
out their preference together after a game of truth and dare at the end of last year. Since that night
whenever they had needed to say something to each other that they could not say in front of the
others they used that code. Both of them knew that it meant that they would always be there for each
other, no matter what, and that though they did not work out as a couple, they did still love each
other. But mostly it meant that the other was taking something to seriously and they needed to
lighten up.

Harry knew that Neville was pointing towards the last reason and he just grinned at him and said
softly back, “Not a one Nev.”

Neville nodded once and turned to the others saying, “we all know everything now so what are we
going to do about it?”

“Well,” Hermione said obviously relieved that Harry was going to let their lapse in secret keeping
pass, “I need to get that new shipment of books from London and go through them.”

“We need to go over the letter from Fletcher.” Ron said quickly pulling Pansy towards their table.

“Hold it right there!” Harry snapped in mock anger. “Running off are we?”

“Now Harry...” Ron said placating, holding his hands up in front of him like a shield and pushing
Pansy behind him, his now pale face clashing horrible with his red hair. He ignored her confused
look and concentrated on Harry. He saw Neville step in front of Hermione and shot him a glance
that clearly said ’oh shit!’

He grimaced at the smirk he saw on the other boy’s face. Damn it, those Slytherins were rubbing off
on Neville in a very bad way.

“You told me you wouldn’t tell.” Harry said calmly.

“We needed to know.” Vin said as he watched the confusing actions of the other Gryffindors. What
was going on? Surely Harry wouldn’t hurt his friends, would he?

“Did you?” Harry questioned in a deliberate tone just barely covering his anger.

“Yes.” Pansy said in the same tone. “So does Draco.”

Greg walked over to stand with Vin so that Harry was faced with a wall of male bodies protecting
the females. Greg didn’t know what was going on but he wasn’t going to stand there and let the
others get hurt. Hermione said nothing just watched Harry with a look that was slowly starting to
worry Harry.

“Does he? Do you know what it will do to him when he finds out?” Harry asked quietly a small
frown on his face.

“He is stronger than he looks Harry. Give him the benefit of a doubt.” Greg replied as the others
nodded in agreement.

“I know he is but this is different.” Harry snapped back knowing that they didn’t understand why he
was so angry.

Hermione spoke for the first time in minutes, everyone had their backs to her but Harry so they
could not see the calculating look in her eyes, but Harry could. As soon as she opened her mouth he
was reminded why she was the smartest witch to grace Hogwarts in decades.

“You...to stop him.” She sputtered but then exclaimed, “Harry that’s great! Two birds with one
stone so to speak.”

The others turned to her with varying degrees of confused looks. It was Pansy, with her many
contacts in the non-pureblood areas of the Wizard World, that caught on first and she whirled back
to Harry with a grin on her face to match the one starting to grow on Ron’s face, as he too finally
understood. It wasn’t until Harry spoke that the others started to get a faint glimmer of
understanding.

“Well yes, Hermione,” Harry sneered lightly, very Malfoy-like. “So to speak.”

“I’m sorry did I miss something?” Neville asked still very confused.

“The ‘act’,” Ron started with a chuckle, “will start their bond and also make it so the Voldemort
can’t get his scaly mitts on Draco.”

“Oh.” Was all Neville could come out with. Harry could feel his face blush deep red as his friends
grinned at him.

“I...well yes...that is the plan,” he stammered, “but, I won’t force him. He will be told. It will be his
decision.” Harry said forcefully wanting Draco’s friends to understand that if Draco said no the plan
would have to change.

“I don’t think you’ll have to force him Harry,” Vin said dryly, “you might have to run...fast...but
never force.” They all laughed as Harry’s face flamed again.

“I’ll bet he already has a plan in place to seduce you Harry.” Pansy giggled at Harry’s very good
impression of a fish out of water, his bugged eyes and gapping mouth actually cute.

“What...” he stammered again, face so red now it felt like it was on fire.

“Oh Merlin Harry!” Ron got out between laughing, “your face!”

“It’s not funny Ron!” Harry cried out.

“Sorry mate,” Greg giggled, “but it so it.”

“You guys!” Harry cried out in frustration sending them into even more gales of laughter.

“Stop it!” He whined but when that only sent them to laughing more he knew it was time to retreat.

“Fine!” He snapped and stomped, red faced, to the door. He stopped before he left and turned to face
his friends as they rolled on the floor laughing so hard some of them were beginning to cry helpless
tears of mirth, at his expense. Those bastards.

You going let them get away with that?

Of course not!

So what are you going to do?

Let them see how funny it is.

By?

What do you suggest?

Taste of their own medicine.

**chuckle** I see.

I thought you would.

Where is he?

Why do you care?

I need to talk to him.

Should have done that in the first place. Don’t you have to talk to the Headmaster first?

He already knows.

When did you tell him?

Last week. We just have some plans to finalize.

So you are going to go through with it?

If I have too?

You will have to Harry, just be careful.

Always.

Yeah right!

So...where is he?

I can’t tell you that.

Why not?

My job is not as a homing pigeon. Find him yourself.

Fine I will.

You’re cute when you pout.

Harry felt himself fall into Parseltongue and quietly he whispered a truth charm directing it to not
one, but all, in the room. Laughter stopped immediately as the ones who were on the floor realized
he had just cast a spell on them.

“Harry! What did you do?” Hermione demanded from her place on the floor where she lay next to
Neville.

Harry smirked and crossing his arms across his chest surveyed his so-called friends who had seconds
ago been laughing.

Loudly. Long. Hard.

At his expense.

“Just a small truth charm.” He said innocently, “might help you remember when you promise to
keep things to yourself.”

He watched as they threw frantic looks at each other and he was the one laughing now. “It will last
one hour.” Harry waved cheerfully at them then walked from the room throwing back a smirking
“see you in an hour guys” as he walked from the room on his way to the Headmasters office. He
would talk to Draco after he was done with Order business.

Harry?

Yes?

Word of advice; watch your back after that one.

Harry grunted and gave a small laugh. I know but even you could tell there was tension in the
room. I sure wish I could be a fly on the wall for that hour.

Why would you want to do that?

So I can listen in, dummy.

Oohh...I get it!

**worried tone** You don’t think they were right do you?

**evil chuckle** Let me just say, Harry my boy, that they are not the only ones you need to
watch your ‘back’ against.

Harry’s face flamed red again as he made his way to the Headmaster’s office. He ignored the mental
laughing and tried to think of the plan. The plan that would save everything he held dear and
hopefully get him some.

~`*`~

“Oh he’s going to die!” Pansy shrieked as she jumped up to run after Harry.

“Pansy wait!” Ron cried out.

Pansy stopped and turned to glare at her boyfriend. “Why should I? I am going to kill that stupid
Gryffindor!”

“Because Pansy dear,” Hermione said in a tone that did not bode well for one of her best friends,
“we have to have him alive to get him back.” The two girls shared a ‘look’ and an evil smile before
turning back to face the boys.

Neville said nothing he just stood quickly and turned towards the door to leave. He was stopped by a
firm yet gentle hand on his arm.

“Running away again?” Greg asked quietly.

“Yes.” Neville whispered keeping his head down.

“Why?” Greg whispered back, “tell me.”

“No.” Neville was able to answer, as the question was not a direct one, more of a command.

Greg searched his face for minutes, willing the other to look at him, before Neville could take it no
more and he stepped back. Greg tightened his hand on his arm as Neville finally looked at him. He
was surprised by the fleeting look of longing he saw in Neville’s eyes before he sent a sad glance at
Vin before turning his gaze back to Greg.

“Don’t.” Neville whispered pleadingly as he took another step away from him.

“I...” Greg was at a loss for words not sure how to respond at the desperation he saw there in that
loving face. His hand stayed where it was for a few more seconds before he let it fall to his side.

“Neville?” Hermione asked, her sharp eyes taking in the situation, thinking it through, and
obviously coming up with the right answer.

“Now is not the time for this.” Vin growled at everyone. His fears of the last week were now
confirmed, the softhearted Gryffindor had taken his man. Oh, not all the way but if Vince wasn’t
careful he would lose Greg.

But Vin could not be mad at Neville because it was obvious that he felt something but did not want
to come between Vince and Greg. He respected him for that but that did not mean he would give
Greg up, not without a fight. But Harry’s trick on them was not the time to open this wound.

“I agree.” Ron said in the silence. No one wanted to talk; too afraid they would ask something that
would offend the others.

“I still think we should go with the original plan.” Hermione said in an effort to change the subject.

“But I thought that the Headmaster said no?” Neville asked as he once again took another step away
from Greg.

“And we always follow the old bat’s orders, do we?” Pansy sarcastically said but with a huge grin
on her face.

Vin groaned, “let me just point out right now how against this plan I am.”

They all laughed at his dejected look and that laughter broke the tension in the room, though Neville
could tell by the glint in his friends eyes that a session of twenty questions would be held later. He
ignored Pansy’s knowing look as they got down to the planning of getting Harry hexed, injured, and
into the infirmary tomorrow at practice.

The afternoon was spent laughing and joking. When it came time for dinner was when they had to
step back into their rolls of ‘I am a pureblood’ Slytherin and ‘I am a brave’ Gryffindor. Pansy and
Ron shared a quick kiss before she left with Vince and Greg. Both of them ignored the knowing
looks on the faces of the others as they said their goodbyes. They knew that they would see each
other tomorrow, and tomorrow would come soon.

~`*`~

Draco was in such a good mood he was whistling as he flew laps around the pitch. Him, Draco
Malfoy, was happy....and he was whistling.

Happy.

Whistling.

Malfoy.

Scary huh?

But he was in a good mood for the first time in a long while. Everything was falling into place, he
could just feel it. Harry had seemed different just now, more open. Oh, Draco had no doubt that
Harry had thought that offering him his hand would work. And it would have if Draco hadn’t
wanted to at least put some of his plan of seduction to use. That first glimpse of him smiling, with
his eyes twinkling al la Dumbledore like, had almost made Draco give up the BED HARRY plan
that he and his Godmother had spent hours on. As it was it had taken him repeating his mantra in his
head, loudly, to give him the strength to do what he needed to do.

He had had to use every bit of his upbringing to snap at him and walk away. He meant every word
he had said to ED, too. This would not make him into a girl. He didn’t want Harry to think him
weak. Reliving the flash of pain his own words had caused in himself, Draco forgot he was flying
and just hovered in the air. He let the pain ebb and flow through him using it as a reminder of how
much it hurt him to hurt Harry.

The possibility of him changing into some simpering man-girl was slim to none. He would go back
to his father, crawling on his hands and knees cleaning the floor with his tongue, before he would
become the girl in this relationship. Now, that didn’t mean he didn’t want Harry buried balls deep
inside him but he would not be some whining, crying, nagging girl.

He was a Malfoy, for Merlin’s Sake!

He ignored a flash of ...something... as he flew around the pitch. He did not want his good mood
ruined by this itching he was feeling in the back of his mind. He was able to ignore it for a few
minutes before the slight itching became a pulse of frantic worry. He wondered if this feeling of
disquiet was his own or something else altogether. Something was ...off.

ED?

Draco waited minutes but when he got no response he decided to head back to the castle and his nice
bed for a nap that he knew he needed. He flew down to the ground and dismounted, running a tired
hand through his hair and debating showering here or waiting until he reached his room. The slight
sticky feeling of his earlier ‘fun’ decided for him and he made his way over to the showers. As he
stepped into the locker room he felt that sense of disquiet once again but added to it now was the
feeling you get when someone is looking at you. He looked around but seeing nothing he resumed
his ablutions.

~`*`~

Harry left the Headmaster's office with his mind trying to wrap itself around the newest information
that they had received from their contact in Voldemort’s forces. Dumbledore had refused to tell him
who that person was but he had a feeling that Draco severely underestimated his mother.

His stomach rumbled again so he decided to go eat. He might as well go and face the wrath of his
friends for his little stunt earlier. As he walked through the doors into the Great Hall, his eyes
flickered to the table to his left searching for Draco. When he did not see him a slight frown graced
his features before it was quickly smoothed out as his eyes met those of the now smirking Pansy
Parkinson.

With a lifted eyebrow she conveyed her amusement at Harry's look for his soul mate. With the
barest of movement of his head he acknowledged her amusement and turned to go to his seat
followed by her laugher. Meddling Slytherin, he wasn’t sure who was worse her or Hermione, with
all the knowing damn looks.

He sat in the seat by Ron that he had sat in for the last six years and smiled at his friends sheepishly.
He wondered if they would ignore him, actually, he expected it, so he was pleasantly surprised when
Hermione smiled back at him and continued her conversation with Neville. He returned Neville’s
nod and turned to face Ron, his very best friend and one he had hexed not to long ago.

“Ron...” Harry said as a hello.

Ron knew his role in this little plan of theirs and he wanted to play it out, really he did, but he could
not miss the flinch he felt deep inside when he met Harry's eyes. Oh, he really did not want to do
this!

Ron somehow, somewhere, pulled a very good impression of Malfoy's smirk and threw it at Harry.
He saw Harry's eyes widen but neither boy said anything else as Ron turned from him and started
talking to Dean about Seamus’ newest escapade. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Harry's
shoulders slump in defeat and it was only Hermione’s kick on the shin that stopped him from turning
back to his best friend and making everything all right again. Harry deserved this but... Ron sighed
as he continued to talk to Dean, his back to his best friend.

Harry ate in record time and then fled the Great Hall to find Draco. He followed the pull to the pitch
but did not find him there. He walked towards the locker room and as he reached to open the door
the pull was almost painful so he knew Draco was in there. He hesitated only a second before he
opened the door and walked resolutely inside. He couldn’t mess this up more than he already had.
Could he?

He turned the corner and came fully into the locker room to come face to face with Draco. Well,
face to back that is. And what a wonderfully, beautiful back it was. Draco was standing shirtless in
front of his locker with his arms raised above his head just about to pull his black oxford shirt on.

Harry’s chin hit the floor and his mouth began to water. OH...was he not just the most beautiful
thing he had ever seen. Harry stared at the slim back and could not contain a small shiver as he saw
what was on the silver haired boy’s back.

Draco had a tattoo.

A phoenix tattoo.

An emerald green phoenix tattoo.

With bright, shining green eyes.

It stretched from one shoulder to the other with its head nesting right on his neck and its splayed
claws disappearing into the waistband of his black slacks. It moved as Draco moved his arms. And
Harry caught his breath in wonder. It looked exactly like his, except his was a silver dragon, with
silver-blue eyes.

It’s bright emerald scales glittered across his soul mates back and Harry had to force himself not to
reach out and touch those glistening wings. The wings of the phoenix fluttered and wrapped around
to the front of Draco’s chest. It’s golden beak opened in a silent cry as Harry swore one of its
emerald eyes raked across him.

He must have made a sound, probably a breathless whimper, because Draco whirled around to stare
at Harry with surprise.

“Umm...hi.” Harry said as his face began to redden. He watched in fascination as the wingtips of the
green phoenix came together just above Draco’s bellybutton. Harry wondered, as he drooled, if his
tattoo did that.

For his part Draco was thrown off by the absolutely hungry look on Harry's face as he stared at him.
He was afraid to move, afraid to break this moment. But it was cold and he could not stand here any
longer. Very, very slowly, not taking his eyes from Harry's, he raised his arms above his head and
slipped his shirt on. Slower still he smoothed the shirt into place by running a hand down his chest
and watching as Harry’s eyes darkened into blackness with desire. He hooked his thumb into the
waist of his pants as he stared hungrily at his soul mate.

“Can I help you Potter?” Draco smirked at Harry. Oh, the power! Screw the seduction plan, Harry
was already his, and if Draco had anything to say about it he would have him right now.

Harry was so caught up in what he was seeing that he didn’t hear him at first and Draco’s smirk
deepened as Harry's face flushed again when it registered. “I...”

“As I said earlier Potter, eloquence was never your strong suit.” Draco sneered.

Harry smiled gently at him knowing it would throw him off and sure enough he saw Draco’s eyes
widen just slightly so he knew he had hit his mark.

“Never was.” He agreed with a nod and a grin.

“Whatever Potter. I ask again, can I help you?”

He didn’t have the upper hand but it was close, so, he decided a little Slytherin side popping out
right now was just what he needed to get this party started. He stepped closer to Draco, so close in
fact that they were sharing each other’s body heat, and said softly, “help me? Yes, you can help me a
great deal.”

Draco could not stop the shiver that coursed through him at Harry’s tone. Damn him! He was
supposed to be the one seducing him not the other way around.

Harry leaned into Draco, letting his body drape onto his. He breathed in deeply, overcome with
Draco’s scent. Each could feel the shiver that ran through the other teen and could see the effect their
closeness was having on the him by the desire darkening in his eyes. Harry drew in a shaky breath as
he tried to gather his thoughts.

Harry leaned down to gently take the other boys lips in a soft kiss. All thought fled from both of
them as they stood inches apart with their lips barely touching. Both hearts pounded out of time with
everything but the others‘ heart. Lips brushed and breath mingled as Harry tried to deepen the kiss.

Each could feel the other’s heart pounding in their chest. Draco reached up and wrapped one hand
around Harry’s neck to pull him in so that he could now be the one to deepen the kiss. Harry gasped
as a wave of pleasure shot from his lips straight to his groin. Draco slipped his tongue into Harry’s
open mouth and drug it across the roof of his souls mates mouth. His breath quickened even more as
Harry’s whimper and shiver sent his heartbeat to pounding even faster. Harry felt Draco shiver
violently as he gently took him in his arms. Neither boy had ever experienced pleasure like this.

The pleasure was so intense it was painful for Harry, he had never ever felt anything like this. Draco
put a hand back as Harry leaned more heavily into him and his searching hand came into contact
with the cold stone wall behind him. The coldness of the stone cleared away some of the desire and
Draco faltered in his domination of Harry’s mouth.

Oh Merlin! Not here please, this isn’t...I can’t....not here...

Draco stepped back quickly and Harry barely had time to catch himself from falling. He could not
do this; he had more respect for Harry than to have their first time in a dirty sweaty locker room. He
squashed the desire raging through his body and reining in his libido he said in a remarkably calm
voice, “No.”

Harry was in shock. How? Was he made of steel? How could he walk away from this? Harry could
not get his desire under control and Draco was standing there calm as could be. Maybe Draco did
not want him and Harry was reading the signs wrong.

“I...I’m sorry, God.” A hand wiped at his face, then raked through his messy hair. And here he
thought he wasn’t going to mess things up more than he already had.

“I didn’t...” He gave a shaky snort, “I thought...” Rubbing his face again, he shook his head.
“Dumb, really dumb.”

Draco wanted to put him out of his misery but he couldn’t. He had spent way to long working on his
plan and By Merlin he was going to have his chance to put it into action. “Yes, well, we already
know that, Potter.”

“I...” Harry had nothing to say.

Draco said nothing either. What could he say? He had told him no. And Harry was such a
Gryffindor that he would not push him into something he did not want to do. Draco had no qualms
about that, but the ball was in Harry's court now.

Wrapping his arms around his waist as if to hold himself together Harry nodded. He was trying very
hard not to break down in front of his soul mate. “It’s okay, “ he whispered, “really, I understand.”
He stepped away from Draco towards the door.

Draco’s voice stopped him before he could leave. He gave a strained laugh, “you understand, do
you? Maybe someday you can explain it to me.”

Harry turned to gaze at him for a silent moment. Their eyes locked together, each asking questions
neither could answer. He sighed and running a shaking hand through his hair again, he turned to
leave the room. “I’ll do that.”

“How come I never realized you were such an insensitive bastard?” Draco asked softly.

Harry stopped at the door. “I don’t know.” He whispered but Draco heard him. He was fighting the
tears and not having an easy time of it. His heart was hurting so badly that he just could not force the
tears down any longer and once he let the first one fall he could not stop them.

“Seems there is a lot that the Great Harry Potter does not know.” He sneered at the stiff back
presented to him.

“Yes, there is.” Harry said softly as he turned to face Draco. Draco stared in shock at the tears Harry
had on his face.

“Malfoy, I...” Harry pleaded with his voice and his eyes.

“Don’t Potter.” Draco said harshly. “I don’t need your understanding.” His heart was pounding in
his chest and he knew he had to get Harry to understand that he was in this heart and soul but that
did not mean that everything was fine between them.

“Then what do you need?” Harry asked softly. He kept his face down now not wanting Draco to see
the anguish he could no longer hide. Harry was lost without his mask. All he wanted to do was let
the coldness fall over him and the mask slip into place. But Fowl was right, if he did not fight it; it
would take over his life.

“That depends.” Draco ground out as he stepped closer to Harry. All thoughts of seduction gone
from his mind, now, he just wanted to be close to him.

“On?” Was barely heard from the visibly shaking boy in front of him.

I’m sorry I have to do this Harry, Draco thought to himself.

“On if you can give me what I need. Frankly, Potter, I don’t think you can.” Draco said bitterly.

Harry flinched at the cold tone of the other boy‘s voice. “Me neither.” He agreed when he had
gained control over his own voice.

“Giving up so soon?” Draco breathed into Harry's ear. He was standing so close to Harry now that
he could feel his breath on his cheek.

“No.” Harry growled out but still refused to look up to meet Draco’s eyes.

“Then stop playing games.” Draco whispered harshly.

Harry flinched but said steadily, “ I do not play games. This is not a game to me.”

“Could have fooled me, Potter.” Draco said silkily, trailing a hand down Harry's trembling arm.
Harry was putting so much effort into keeping his mask off that he had no more energy to fight
Draco off as well.

“Don’t do this.” Harry pleaded softly.

“Then tell me.” Draco whispered insistently into his ear as he ran both hands up and down Harry's
arms.

“It’s not about...” Harry began but stopped when he could go no further.

“Not about what?” Draco demanded, his grip tightening on Harry arms. “Hate? Fear? Loathing?
Love? Or is it about all of those things Potter? Are you filled with NOT?” Draco hissed at him.

“What’s not to hate?” Harry said flatly, coldly. “Or fear? Or loath?”

“Nothing.” Draco asked softly, dangerously. “And love?”

“What’s not to love?” Harry said abruptly as he stepped away from Draco.

Fear rushed through Draco’s now cold body from head to toe. “Are you trying... not to... love me?”
He asked in disbelief.

There was a long moment of absolute silence before Harry sighed deeply.

“Oh yeah,” he said in a guttural growl. “I am fighting as hard as I know how.” He kept his eyes
away so he would not get lost in those silver pools. “And losing.”

The tense silence lasted minutes as Harry refuse to look at Draco, instead he kept his eyes on the
locker door beside his head. Harry tensed as Draco took a step towards him and pushed him roughly
into the wall behind him. Harry still refused to lift his eyes to meet his, as he knew if he did he would
not have the strength to tell him no. Draco leaned heavily on him and dipping his face took Harry’s
lips in a punishing kiss.

He didn’t let up on the kiss until he felt the first stirring of movement from Harry’s now bruised lips.
Draco smirked to himself as he heard the whimper that he knew Harry was trying not to let go. He
ripped his lips away and stood staring at the dazed expression on Harry’s face.

Finally, Draco spoke in a calm, cold, but shaky voice that should have told Harry everything he
needed to know but all he heard was the coldness in it.

“Good.” Draco whispered derisively. “It’s about time you lost at something, Potter.”

Harry's body shook as Draco stomped past him and out the door. Minutes later he was running
frantically towards the castle. His tear filled eyes missed seeing the boy watching him from the side
of the building.

Harry fled to the Astronomy Tower where he spent the night, shivering in the cold, staring out at the
stars. He had ignored ED’s attempts to talk to him, simply snarling that he wanted to be alone. He
watched as the sun came up letting its warmness and brightness burn away his anger and fear. He
vowed to himself that today was a new day and things were going to change.

He just didn’t know how right he was.

~`*`~

The training room was silent as Vin walked in for his daily training with Harry. He had come early
hoping to gather strength for what he was about to do from the room he was about to do it in.

It wasn’t working.

He really, really, did not want to do this. The hex they had decided on was not life threatening, in the
least, but Harry would be hurt. Draco was going to kill him, he just knew it!

He sighed as his thoughts turned to the situation between him, Neville, and Greg. He just did not
know what to do. He did not want to lose Greg. And what was there between Neville and Harry? He
didn’t think there was anything now or Draco would have sensed it and Neville would be in either
the infirmary or St. Mungo’s. Draco Malfoy did not share his possessions very well. He sighed
again, lost in his thoughts, as he waited for the others to arrive.

~`*`~

He barely made it to the training room on time. His one night of good sleep, Friday night if he could
remember correctly, this week was finally beginning to wear him down. He was tired, irritable,
lonely, and frustrated, and not necessarily in that order. He had fought all night with this nagging
feeling of ...something... in the back of his head and he could not figure out what it was. He had gone
over everything that had happened in the last two weeks and though he could not pinpoint anything
he really was amazed at the progress between Draco and himself.

Oh, he freely admitted that he had messed up yesterday, royally, twice even. When Draco had
walked into the room, all Harry had wanted to do, felt compelled to do, was take him in his arms
and never let him go. But, he didn’t know how, so, he thought he would mimic the first year thing
and it blew up majestically in his face. And in the locker room, he had practically told Draco he
loved him and he had walked out on him.

Harry had no clue what to do now to fix this, though the others seem to think that Draco already had
a ‘plan’ in the works. Well, he was a Slytherin; maybe Harry should just stand back and let the
Master work his magic. Yeah, he was going to do that. His mind made up about that, he entered the
training room and greeted the others already there.

“Morning.” He said uncertainly, not knowing how they would receive him. Sirius and Vin grinned
at him saying morning back, Moody just grunted but he never said anything anyways, the fourth
person in the room just studied Harry silently before nodding his head in greeting.

“What are you doing here Fowl?” Harry asked eyeing the man who knew so much about him but
Harry knew nothing about. He had been at the meeting last night, so, he was a member of the Order
but for the life of him Harry couldn’t get why he was here. And why, all of a sudden, he was such an
integral part of their plans.

“Just come to observe young man. I won’t be in the way.” Fowl said cheerfully as he sat on a stool
by the map smoking an awful smelling cigar.

“I see.” Harry said, unconsciously using one of the Headmaster's phrases.

“Shall we start? Or are we going to lolly gag around some more?” Moody growled as he glared at
Fowl, the dislike for the man showing clearly. His magical eye never left Harry as he turned to walk
to his place on the mat.

“I am ready.” Harry said quietly. He missed the look shared between the three men and the agitated
look on Vin’s face. He sighed, he had had such great expectations for today but it seemed like an
ordinary Sunday to him.

~`*`~

He had gotten up that morning, after finally making it to his bed, with all intentions to never think
about what happened last night in the locker room ever again. So far he had succeeded, barely.
Every time he caught himself thinking about all they had said he would say his stupid mantra, block
out ED’s silly baying, and then bang his head into the wall...repeatedly. Only the last part was
helping.

He was now sitting with Pansy in the Slytherin Common Room, this Sunday afternoon, trying to get
a handle on the situation they had neglected this past week. Draco could tell by the quick glances
and the slight tension in the room that their absence had been noted and questioned. He hoped that
their time spent here today would ease the fears of the other Slytherins. He had to show he was still
in control or those he knew he could help would go to the Dark Lord because they had no better
offer.

He had just spent the last hour complaining about Dumbledore and his Great Plan. They had moved
on to talking about something infinitely more pleasant, Quidditch, when Bulstrode and her cronies
walked in. Draco had not liked hearing that she had tried to take over in his absence. Time to nip
that, he thought as he stared coldly at her.

He felt Pansy reach out and squeeze his arm a few times letting him know that she had noted who
was with her before she got up and withdrew to the other side of the common room to watch the
reactions of the students as Draco played his game.

“Malfoy.” The overgrown ox said coolly.

“Bulstrode.” Draco replied coldly. He could tell that the attention had focused on them and he knew
he had to be careful here. This was a delicate situation, one he couldn’t let get out of hand.

“We haven’t seen you in a while.” She stressed.

“I have been busy, as you well know.” He replied with a sharp nod of his head.

“Doing?” She questioned.

Draco paused as he raised a slim eyebrow at her. “Since when have you known me to keep you
informed of my comings and goings?”

“Just wondering Malfoy.” She said airily, brushing off his remark with a wave of her hand.

“Well Bulstrode, you have my permission to stop wondering.” Draco said wryly.

He watched as her cheeks flushed and she tensed up but that was all, before, she would have already
broke and started slinging insults. Someone was a good teacher. He could sense his fathers hand in
this and he was worried. He let none of that show on his face as he continued to spar with her.

“You can’t order me around Malfoy. You’re not the boss of me.” She ground out as she threw
triumphant looks around the room.

“Yes, yes...” he drawled lazily as he was now the one to wave his hand in the air mocking her. “And
I can’t top you either.” He smirked widely at her now red face.

“You bastard!” She breathed angrily.

“Actually no, but I am sure it is none of your business.” Draco said sweetly. Aha! Finally she was
cracking. He still had it!

“I will find out what you have been doing Malfoy.” She snarled at him so fiercely she spit on him.

Draco eyed her with just the right amount of disdain as he spoke, “You know something Bulstrode,
it amazes me that you have gotten this far without your brain just stopping. I am doing the exact
same thing that all of you are doing. I don’t like it. But I do it because HE wants me too.” Draco put
plenty of emphasis on the ‘he’ so that the others knew who he was talking about.

He leaned back in his favorite chair, the one right in front of the fireplace, and casually flicked a
non-existent piece of lint off his clothes.

“We must all make sacrifices this month. Now...if you have nothing new could you scurry along and
pester someone else? You are butting into my ‘alone’ time.” Draco said as he glanced at the full
common room. Every single Slytherin was here, except Crabbe and Goyle, and they were watching
avidly. He smiled sweetly at some fifth year girl and watched as she giggled, blushed, and hung her
head.

Forgive me Harry, he thought to himself as he slowly got up, stretching sexily. He could feel the
eyes of the whole room on him as he winked at the blushing girl. He turned to Bulstrode and giving
her a classic Malfoy glare stepped around her.

“Round three to me, I do believe.” He watched as she fought for control and was impressed when
she attained it. He knew from the questioning looks of the others that she was going to have some
explaining to do. He smirked at her and deliberately turned his back to her. He heard the slight gasp
from behind him and he chuckled to himself. Oh yes, he still had it!

He ignored Pansy’s astonished glare as he walked towards his room, knowing full well that the girl
he had singled out would be there minutes after he had closed the door. Oh God! He couldn’t do
this! But he knew he had too.

He tried to reason with himself as he went to sit stiffly on the bed, this was what he had to do and it
meant nothing. He could no longer control the shivering his body had decided was a good way to
start off this lovely panic attack he was having. Damn, was it cold in here?

He struggled to get his breathing under control but the panic and fear he felt was just too great. He
was beginning to see spots in front of his eyes and in a way he welcomed the unconsciousness that
threatened. If he was unconscious he couldn’t betray Harry. Merlin Harry! He couldn’t do this to
him. He had to but....he...he just....

Merlin’s Beard! He did not want to do this.

Don’t do this.

...I have too.

No, you don’t.

They are suspicious.

This will not, in any way, allay their fears Draco.

I...

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. He flinched then slowly, shaking violently, made his
way to the door to open it and let in the girl he had chosen to bed.

Think of Harry

He gathered all his training to him as he took a deep breath, fighting for control. He paused with his
hand on the doorknob, “I am,” he whispered brokenly as he opened the door with a now composed
face.

************************************************************

ENJOY!

LMG
- 30
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I Understand