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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After	By : ElizabethStump Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 90306 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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"And They Didn't Live Happily Ever After"

Chapter Thirty-One
“Thou Art Fishified”

Disclaimer: I really don't think Miss Jo thought we would take her characters and do what we do with them in our stories. So, I thank her from the bottom of my heart for letting us use her characters and concepts.

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Severus woke to more doubts flooding his mind, doubts that he had a sincere growing affection for the young witch who had visited him every Thursday night for the past five weeks. As the days passed, Hermione occupied more and more of his spare thoughts. First with dreams of her as a source for the Polyjuice Potion and his freedom, and now as a woman who he wanted to hold in his arms… and more.

It didn't help that most mornings, as of late, he awoke to find an almost painfully hard erection that could only be relieved with thoughts of Hermione. He had gone to bed the previous night after masturbating to fresh memories of earlier that evening; Hermione on her back laughing, smiling up at him, followed by a look of unrestrained desire. While recollecting the sensation of her body pressed closed to his as they danced, he imagined the feel of her body pinned beneath his as he stroked his own flesh.

Once relieved of his urgent physical needs, Severus rose and performed his ablutions. As he was drying off, his memory of Albus decided to visit him at that moment.

'Last night went well,' the vision of the elder wizard commented.

Severus grimaced and began toweling his hair dry. "And I was in such a good mood this morning," he grumbled into the extra plush terry towel.

'Don't tell me that after last night you don't feel a thing for Hermione,' the transparent Albus asked.

"You know, hate, disgust and indifference are emotions," Severus retorted.

'Yes, but you feel none of those towards her. Quite the opposite, in fact. If I was there to watch, and in a way I was, I would say you looked like a young man falling in love.' The Headmaster ran a ghostly finger right through the empty toilet paper tube, dismayed he could not play with it, making it spin around and around on its spindle. It was the simple pleasures in life one missed when one was incorporeal, even if he was just a figment of Severus' imagination.

"As I've said before, it doesn't matter. She will recant her feelings when she realizes it is me, 'the terror of the dungeons,' and I will go back to living this life alone until set free." Covered in only a towel wrapped about his waist, Severus began shaving; he lifted his chin up as he scraped away the hair growth on his neck. Talking through clenched teeth as he jutted his chin to keep the skin taut, he added, "I don't know why I should get my hopes up when they have been crushed with such regularity that the Department of Mysteries could set their Time Turners to it."

'It is the pessimist in you I always found so exasperating, Severus,' Albus sighed wearily as he peered over his glasses, a manner he used to stress his sentences. 'Surely the Fates wouldn't have planned a life for you without any joy? What of Voldemort's final fall? Was there no reward in that?'

"Barely," Severus muttered, craning his neck sideways and pulling his mouth to the side as he shaved his left cheek. "I went from Death Eater spy serving two masters – one current and one former – only to wind up a condemned man with no job prospects and less respect than when I was a professor."

'But what of Hermione? Surely she brings you joy.' Before Severus could protest, the vision held up a hand to urge the younger wizard to remain silent. 'You deny and refute, but I know what lies in your heart, Severus. She brings you the happiness I wish I could have seen you experience while I was still alive. You don't have to pretend with Minerva and me. You are not the same boy you were when you sat under the Sorting Hat, nor are you the same wizard as when you took the Dark Mark, or the same man as at the end of the war. The world changes, Severus, and so have you. Accept that you have changed, and that you do not have to play the same role with the same black moods that you have had for most of your life. Accept the fact you can feel happiness, hope and love, for those feelings are in you as they have always been. It is only that you have never permitted yourself to experience those positive feelings until now. Embrace them. To fight them will only be to deny what already exists.'

Severus liked to think that just before his mentor passed away, a tiny portion of the great wizard possessed Severus' mind; and that tiny essence of Albus now sat in residence in his head, guiding and helping him. That may very well have been the case, as Albus Dumbledore was the greatest wizard to live within the past several hundred years, possibly since Merlin himself. But the raven-haired wizard doubted that a portion of Albus was actually living on in the Potions master's mind. If he was, Severus knew he'd feel strong inclinations towards consuming large quantities of cloyingly sweet confections and have some perverse affinity with socks. Severus never wanted to know what the Headmaster did with all the socks he received. Still, he knew he had to accept that perhaps he was feeling something akin to friendship with Hermione. And though he had never been in love, he suspected he might be in the process of falling in love against his own will.

Wiping the dregs of the shaving foam off his face, Severus slumped against the tile counter. "She does have a certain charm about her," he reluctantly admitted aloud.

He closed his eyes and remembered the heady sensation of spinning about the floor with Hermione. There had been an exhilarating feeling that one can only find when two bodies move in perfect synchronicity in time to the music, their movements seeming instinctual.

'Admitting it is the first step.'

"First step to what?"

'That is something you'll have to discover for yourself,' the hallucination of the Headmaster said before dissolving away into nothingness.

Severus hated the fact his memories of Albus were just as cryptic as the old man himself had been in real life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus wasn't aware of it, but there was a spring in his step. Draco noticed it, though.

They had just picked up their habitual baked goods to eat on the way to their Friday morning appointment with Shacklebolt at the Ministry of Magic. Severus noticed the odd smirk on Draco's face that morning, when the blond wizard answered the door and joined him on their walk to the bakery before Flooing to their parole meeting.

Since Draco was not about to start the morning conversation, Severus confronted him with a terse, "Well, out with it."

There was no immediate answer from Draco, as their boots clacked and thumped on the cobblestones.

"Well?" the older wizard prompted him once more.

Draco stopped and turned to look at the cloaked man next to him. With a cool, measured tone, he began to quote, "Here comes Romeo. Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh, how thou art fishified."

Severus snarled, "And just what do you imply with that statement."

"Just what it means," Draco threw back, matching Severus sneer for sneer. "I thought you weren't going to shag Hermione, or at least not until you revealed yourself to her. And since I doubt you did inform her of your true identity, I can only assume you've done something foolish and ruined our chance for escape."

Before the words finished issuing from Draco's lips, Severus had bodily grabbed the younger wizard and slammed him up against a wall, the younger wizard's body making a sickly thump as it make contact with the solid stone. The hoods of their cloaks fell away with the sudden movements.

"Be careful of what you accuse me of, Mr. Malfoy. One should be very careful about making claims that aren’t true," the older and quicker wizard snapped, over-enunciating each word with a hiss.

"What is one left to think," Draco retorted with distaste and icy calm, still shoved up against the slightly damp wall. "Last night, Mrs. Weasley left your flat with her face pink and flushed, her hair slightly askew, grinning like an a fool, waltzing down the hall and singing about dancing all night and begging for more. If that doesn't sound like a woman who has been properly shagged, I don't know what does."

Severus immediately let go of the front of Draco's cloak and stepped back, taken aback at the other wizard's description of Hermione on her way home last night. Had he not been under Draco's close scrutiny that moment, he would have smiled to himself, knowing that he had made her feel so elated.

"Explain that, Mr. Snape." He dared Severus to refute it.

Before Severus could react, Draco had advanced and bodily pinned him up against the opposite wall in the same fashion.

"How could you do this to us? Our first chance for escape, and you have to let your hormones run rampant like some damn teenager at a May Day dance," Draco growled with derision.

"I DIDN'T FUCK HER!" Severus shoved Draco away from him. Smoothing down the front of his cloak, he confessed with reserve, "I gave her dancing lessons last night." He ducked his head down, if only to make sure the cloak’s material wasn't ruined, and not for the fact he could not meet Draco's eye, as he had almost done what he was just accused of.

"What?" The other wizard stood there looking stunned.

"You heard me." Severus pulled his hood back up and continued his walk toward the Leaky Cauldron, his morning brioche now lying in a puddle, coated in street grime and forgotten.

Draco rushed to catch up, pulling his own hood back up. "What? Just last night she asked for dance lessons out of the blue?"

"No, she made arrangements with Miss Brown earlier this week to schedule it," Severus answered clinically.

"And you failed to mention this to Ginny and me yesterday because…" Draco left the sentence hanging, eyebrows raised in expectation, waiting for an answer to complete his statement.

Stopping in his tracks once more, the older wizard turned and said, "Because I don’t need you looking at me the way you do whenever the topic of Mrs. Hermione Weasley comes up. Don't give me your raised eyebrow and smug grins. Say it or don't bother me with your vainglorious emoting. Your father did that, and it was an irritation to endure all those years."

"Fine, I'll say it. You're falling for her." Draco crossed his arms across his chest waiting for Severus to deny it.

Severus turned and continued walking once more. Instead of rebuffing Draco's statement directly, he merely replied sardonically, "I think you and Ginny have read 'Romeo and Juliet' one too many times together; Your head is filled with too many romantic notions for your own good."

Just before they reached the Leaky Cauldron, Severus added, "And I don't appreciate your girlfriend dropping hints, under your guidance, that Hermione sounds just like me when complaining about her co-worker."

Draco threw Severus’ statement in back his face, "Be careful of what you accuse me of. One should be very careful about making claims that aren’t true."

"You didn’t urge her?" Severus questioned.

"No, and I know Ginny would not do anything unless Mrs. Weasley really was complaining exactly like you. This is just as important to Ginny as it is to us," Draco assured his mentor.

Draco's claim eased Severus' fear that his plan would be undermined out of haste. However, he still prayed Hermione would not realize his identity too soon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As she rolled over onto her back in bed, Hermione grinned to herself. She could still envision Calleo lying on his side, hovering above her just after they had fallen down the night before.

After stretching like a cat with her arms above her head and her back arched, she continued to lie in bed, staring unfocused at the ceiling. The witch still remembered how close she had been to grabbing Calleo and pulling him on top of her at that moment. The moment never came, as Calleo rose to his feet before she could act.

Her reverie over last night was broken when Ron snorted and smacked his lips before settling back into sleep.

The reason why she didn't just shag Calleo was lying next to her; the moment of indulgence was ruined.

Hermione rolled out of bed and padded into the kitchen for some tea and breakfast. Once she had eaten, she made herself a large lunch to take with her to work, so she could cut down the time away from the lab for her lunch break. If she was going to be leaving two nights a week at a decent hour, she was going to have to find a way to get the same amount of work done with less time. Since the Ministry was not in the habit of passing out Time Turners without what was deemed 'a very good cause,' Mrs. Weasley had to find other ways to find time to finish her work. One way was to bring her own lunch and eat it at the lab. At most, it would take ten minutes out of her workday, versus the minimum thirty required to leave the Ministry, buy lunch, eat and come back.

'First it was because of money, and now it's because of time. You can never have both,' Hermione thought gloomily as she made her lunch, remembering why she had started doing it in the first place. 'Calleo.' She let herself indulge in one more dreamy smile.

She had been willing to give up her lunches out to be able to afford to visit him. Now she was making her own lunches again to afford the time to not only see a counselor to fix her marriage, but to see Calleo even more.

Stepping into the bathroom, she saw the note stuck to the bathroom mirror.

-------

Hermione,

Thought I'd warn you ahead of time. Quidditch Weekly wants to do a story on me. Wanted to tell you in case you need to get anything ready or washed. Make sure you wear your nicest robes, as they might want to take your picture too.

The twins and their families are coming to the game tomorrow too.

Ron

-------

'At least he warned me,' she mused before getting ready for work.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once the owl took wing from Severus' office window, he walked over to the lab to supervise the bottling of the male stamina potion. It had been stewing for three days. The Potions master would test the two-day sample tonight by himself, and use the sample that stewed for three days for Miss Anne's visit on Saturday. When he could not find Miss Brown in the lab, he headed to her office.

He knocked on her door and was bid to enter.

Severus opened the door to find his employer standing at her desk, looking at the Thursday edition of the Daily Prophet.

"I forgot to show this to you yesterday, Severus. I just never tire of looking at good ad work," she spoke in a trance-like state.

Walking up to her desk, he peered down to the double full-page ad spread splashed across the center page of the newspaper. A witch with long flowing tresses was rubbing a large phallic shaped bottle of cologne between her breasts and along her neck and cheek while barely clothed in thin scraps of silk. A dream cloud hovered over her head featuring a classically handsome man with a Greek god physique, his shirt completely unbuttoned, the fabric flapping in some unseen wind. He kept reaching for the luscious witch who was just out of reach, trapped in the dream cloud.

The ad copy read, "Haunt. The scent of you will haunt her. Have a unique scent all your own with the new cologne from Valiant Wizard. Available now at finer apothecaries and haberdasheries."

"That is positively pornographic! I can't believe Draco picked a bottle that looks like that to sell my cologne. And that ad leaves nothing to the imagination," Severus complained with ill-concealed disgust.

"No, it doesn't, does it?" Lavender said absentmindedly with a far away smile.

He snorted.

"Severus," the blond witch began, still admiring the ad, "if you paid the least bit attention to our customer surveys in the monthly reports, more and more of our customers are either Muggle-borns or customers with one Muggle parent. These people still live with one foot in the Muggle world, and so we must compete not only with other wizarding companies, but Muggle ones too. Part of what we sell is an image. If you want to see ads that leave less to the imagination, go down to Piccadilly Circus where you can see pictures of naked women fifty feet high selling toothpaste or tights. We must use some of the advertising finesse of the Muggle world while remaining true to our wizarding roots. I did not hire you for your marketing skills but for your Potions expertise." Lifting her head from the paper, she added, "Now what did you want to see me about?"

"I think I may have a solution regarding the brewing of the male enhancement potion," he announced crisply.

Lavender's eyebrows went up into her hairline, and a broader grin spread across her face. "Really? Please, have a seat. Shall I call for tea?" she asked while folding up the Daily Prophet.

"Yes, please." Severus seated himself in one of Lavender's overstuffed chairs decorated with pink picotte cabbage roses and violets, and a ruffled skirt. He hated sitting in something so frilly and feminine, but they were rather comfortable and reminded him of Albus' chairs in the Headmaster's office.

Once tea arrived and was served, Lavender asked, "So? What sort of solution did you have in mind?"

"Are you familiar with how Muggles make beer?" he asked before sipping his tea.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They were in a little London shop called Plains of Buffalo. Hermione kept checking the time, as Ginny was looking over a shelf of Native American headdresses and bead work. So far they had been to the Old West antique store on Portobello Road and a store that sold American food items. There, Ginny had purchased several large bottles of every type of chili, salsa and barbecue sauce available, including one called "five-alarm firehouse special." The label on the "five-alarm" bottle showed flames coming out of a cartoon mouth; Hermione assured Ginny that it was merely an exaggeration of the sauce’s effects. There was no need for Ginny to fireproof the backyard.

As Mrs. Weasley wandered the aisles, briefly thinking of what a dusting nightmare it would be to own a shop like this, she pondered Ginny's enthusiasm over throwing Harry's birthday party this year versus previous years. Was it because of Ginny's guilt over cheating on Harry, or could it be that counseling was really helping her marriage and Mrs. Potter was becoming closer to her husband? A third option popped into Hermione's mind, but she dismissed it quickly, though the thought would not go away.

'No, she wouldn't. Couldn't be.'

The idea that this was some sort of last farewell for Ginny before she left Harry would not go away no matter how hard Hermione tried to avoid thinking about it. Hermione remembered Ginny mentioning that if Draco found a way out of the country, she would go with him, family, friends and Harry be damned. Knowing that she would ruin another lovely outing with her friend if she confronted the redhead, Hermione locked the question away in the back of her mind and made a silent promise to keep her mouth shut regarding all things related to Malfoy.

"Do you think I could get Harry to wear something like this for the party?" Ginny asked, bringing Hermione back to the present.

"Hmm?" She looked at the items in Ginny's hands, uncertain of what the question was.

"I said, do you think Harry would wear this as a costume for his birthday party?" Ginny clarified.

Scrutinizing the items her friend held, Hermione looked first at the white-and-brown feathered headdress; the tag hanging from it said, "Sioux War Bonnet". The tan fringed suede pants in Ginny's other hand looked rather plain, but typical of what she remembered from the few Western movies she remembered as a child.

"What about a shirt?" Hermione asked.

"I thought Harry could go shirtless. Give it a more authentic look, like the illustrations I saw in some of my books."

"And when those cool London nights descend on the back yard? What if it rains?" the brunette witch prompted.

"Oh, you could be right. I'll see if they have any suede tunics to go with the pants," Ginny said just before she started ducking down another aisle.

Hermione went back to browsing the many items on sale, even eyeing a lovely silver and turquoise squash blossom necklace that would go well with the turquoise earrings her parents had given her. When she glanced at the price tag, she balked. The necklace was lovely, but not that lovely. She certainly hoped the price her parents paid for her earrings was less than the store’s prices, which were hopefully based on high rents in fashionable London.

While standing next to Ginny as the clerk rang up the pile of purchases, Hermione glanced at the clock once more.

"I'd better get going soon, or I won't make it to Ron's game," Hermione announced.

"All right then. I'll see you on Wednesday for lunch," Ginny said with a smile. "Oh, and if your parents do have any books of interest to loan me, you can just Floo them over whenever you have a chance. I still have some shopping to do. Is that bookstore we went to last week about two blocks over from here?"

Mentally pulling up a map in her head, Hermione confirmed Ginny's guess before giving her a hug and heading off to the Leaky Cauldron.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Every good experiment of two or more variations of a potion needs to be conducted with similar conditions. The previous night Severus had taken the male enhancement potion after ejaculating from masturbation once. Though the two-day version potion gave him the energy and stamina to orgasm once more, it did not have the potency that he and Miss Brown were striving for. Their hope was that the potion would give a man unlimited sexual power to keep going and going for at least two to four hours, no matter how many orgasms he reached.

Before Miss Anne arrived, Severus had already climaxed once through masturbation. Now that his client was undressed and tied down to his bed in a manner befitting a masochistic contortionist, he eyed the vial of three-day stewed potion, placed on the tray next to the rather large array of vegetables Marf had picked up at the farmers' market that morning.

Downing the potion, he felt the cool heat spread quickly to his limbs and loins. The reaction was instantaneous. Severus didn't expect his cock to grow so hard so suddenly, and found it to be almost painful. After making a mental note to reduce the simmering stage by a few hours, he plunged himself into Miss Anne's wet heat. After he allowed himself to orgasm before Miss Anne could, the gigolo pulled out, wondering how long it would be before he would be hard again. It only took a few minutes before he was erect once more, and Miss Anne's cries of displeasure over his quick release were silenced when she saw him harden once more.

As he grabbed a bulky cucumber from the tray, he also picked up an impressively large courgette. Once he coated the vegetables in lubricant, he made Miss Anne beg to be stuffed like a turkey. Severus charmed the vegetables to slide in and out of her while he straddled her chest and fucked her mouth, to silence her mewling cries that were beginning to irritate him. He came in her mouth with a growl, gritting his teeth to prevent another verbal slip like the previous week.

Though he had orgasmed three times, Severus was hard again in a matter of a few minutes. However, the allure of Miss Anne in the midst of a multiple orgasm was beginning to wane for him. She howled with pleasure as the charmed vegetables continued to violate her. Sitting on the bed, Severus considered leaving her to the devices of the animated produce so that he could take a shower, masturbating to thoughts of Hermione instead of the reality of the wanton witch tied down to his bed. Instead, he rose to his knees and jerked off, spraying cum all over Miss Anne's breasts and stomach before retiring to the settee to have a glass of brandy and observe Miss Anne in the throes of being seduced by a salacious salad.
============

A/N: Lizardqueen was gracious enough, back in 2005, to draw an illustration to go with this chapter and is available for viewing at this fic's TUMBLR page, since the artist's original URL is now gone:
http://atdlhea-betz.tumblr.com/post/130955052375/art-by-lizardqueen-and-they-didnt-live-happily
Quote from “Romeo and Juliet,” Act 2, Scene 4: "Here comes Romeo. Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh, how thou art fishified."
And I am so pissed Baz Lurhman cut out that one set of lines from his version of "Romeo and Juliet," as I think it is some of the funniest and dirtiest lines Shakespeare ever wrote.
I have no idea if there is a shop called Plains of Buffalo, but it sounded like trendy shop name.
Thanks to June for helping me with a title for this chapter. And three cheers for my wonderful betas: Horserider, Siren and JuneW.
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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After