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I Give You a Wondrous Mirror	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 17806 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter Thirty-Two�A
Matter of Strength

�� Draco found
Harry sitting in the gardens sometime after Granger left, his hands on his
knees, his eyes blank. He stirred when he heard Draco coming, and managed to
turn and give him a bland smile. �The boys still with Twibby?�

�� Yes. And
my mother�s fussing over Lily, because she had to let Granger�s daughter go.�
Draco sat down next to him. He didn�t like the look in Harry�s eyes right now.
It was a mixture of resignation and desperate unhappiness. Perhaps that was
better than having him think he had
to secure the joy of every person around him, but a restless, helpless Harry
wasn�t good news, either. �What happened?�

�� Hermione
gave me a letter,� Harry whispered. �From Ginny.�

�� Draco held
himself tightly under control. He knew
he should have listened at the door as his instincts had told him to do, no
matter how much fun he�d had making faces at Lily and thinking wistfully that
she might look up to him as a father someday, if she wanted. �And?� he asked.
�Did she accuse you of not working hard enough to keep your marriage alive
again?�

�� Harry
closed his eyes. �No,� he said. �She sounds�shattered, Draco.� And though Draco
hadn�t asked, he fished the letter out of a robe pocket and handed it over.

�� Draco
opened the letter warily. It wasn�t as though it could carry germs from
Weasley, of course, but he still wasn�t sure that he wanted to read a letter
that could make Harry look like that.

�� It was hard to read. It was absolutely rambling
and incoherent, for one thing.

�� Dearest Harry:

�� I�ve done what I could. I tried to keep the
realizations at bay, but you were right. You were right, and I was wrong, and
there�s nothing I can do to change that. I can barely live with it. We both had
our share of fault, but I can�t lay all the blame on you. I should have worked
harder. I should have told you what was wrong.

�� But it�s no good, don�t you see, our blaming
each other and trying to live apart? It may take us years to live together
peacefully again, but we must try. For the children, Harry, because they need
their mother and because they love me and because I love them. It�s true that I
didn�t want Lily at the time, but I�ve learned to love her since. Isn�t a
mistake forgivable? I find myself more forgiving now, so I hope you are, too.

�� And the life-debts aren�t as strong as the
marriage bonds. I asked Hermione to research them for me. She was reluctant,
but she did. The case of the most life-debts she could find was ten, between a single
man and a woman who was married with the kind of vows that we have. And they
wanted to give themselves to each other, this man and this woman, but they
couldn�t. Because the marriage vows were still stronger.

�� I don�t know how many you and Malfoy owe
each other. Six? Seven? But it doesn�t matter, because the marriage vows are
still stronger. It�s a matter of strength, Harry. It�s the strength of the
vows, and it�s the strength to forgive each other and come back together again.
It would be easy for me to hide in my parents� house for the rest of my life,
and it would be easier for you to stay with Malfoy. But that�s the kind of
thing that only happens in stories. Living together and learning to accept one
another�s faults is real life.

�� Take as long as you need. But we have to
live together, in the end. It�s the only way, and it will mean more to so many
other people besides us.

�� Love,

�� Ginny.

�� Draco
folded the letter neatly, making sure the creases made a slitting sound when he
smoothed along them. Then he handed the letter back to Harry and spoke the
first words that came into his head. �You can�t be seriously thinking of going
back to her.�

�� Harry shook
his head, toying with the parchment. �No. That was the end. I don�t think she
realizes it, but I couldn�t bring myself to live with her again, or have sex
with her.� He shuddered a little, then bowed his head.

�� But,�
Draco said, while his hands clenched on the bench beside him.

�� I was
wondering,� Harry said quietly, �what my children would want. Whether they
would be happier with their parents living together than apart after all, even
if they knew that we didn�t like each other much.�

�� Draco
ground his teeth and looked away. He had thought that Harry was resolved in his
choice, and now it appeared that he hadn�t been.

�� Or�

�� Beside him,
Harry gasped and moved his arm. Draco turned back to see him smoothing down his
right flank, where Draco knew the scar from the sixth life-debt lay, his face
bewildered.

�� Draco
relaxed. Harry was falling back into old, bad habits, or trying. That was all.
Draco supposed he couldn�t demand miracles. Harry could think of his own
happiness when confronted with good revelations, like that of Draco�s love for
him, or with sudden explosions like his wife�s poisoning of him. But when another
one came along�his wife�s letter, in this case�he would begin to doubt his
former choices.

�� A good
thing that I made you swear that promise to consider your own happiness, isn�t
it?� he murmured. �There�s a difference between feeling sorry for her and
giving your children a choice as to where to live, Harry, and letting those
feelings and choices dictate your
life. I would do almost anything for Scorpius. But I wouldn�t give up being who
I am, because I know in the end it would make me a poorer father to him.�

�� Harry
managed to smile. �I still have a lot to learn about happiness, I think,� he
said.

�� Draco
kissed him. �Give it time. You�ve safeguarded other people at your own expense
for ten years, at least, and probably longer than that.� He paused. �Did you
want to come in to an early dinner, or sit out here for a while longer?�

�� I need
some time to think,� Harry said.

�� Draco
nodded, placed a hand on his shoulder, and then stood up and reentered the
Manor. Tutela passed him on the way out, swooping directly towards Harry. Draco
glanced back to see her settle on Harry�s shoulder and give a commanding hoot.

�� He nodded
to her. Harry needed time to think, but he shouldn�t be alone.

�� Draco was
only glad that they had survived their first potential crisis so well.

*

�� Harry
didn�t know how long he sat there, staring, only becoming aware of Tutela when
she flapped her wings in his face and demanded that he look at her. Really, it
wasn�t as if he were trying to avoid her. He knew that she was there, and he
wasn�t neglecting his own happiness that
badly.

�� He was
simply coming face-to-face, for the first time, with one of the consequences of
seeking his own happiness.

�� He couldn�t
help Ginny. He couldn�t reverse his decision. It would never be the same; even
if he managed to preserve a polite front with her for the children�s sake, he
would always be wondering when she would resort to something desperate and
childish like poisoning him with Dreamless Sleep again. And the mere thought of
touching her made his skin crawl.

�� In truth,
their intimacy had started to fade months, maybe years, before Harry had met
Draco again. But meeting Draco had thrown it into sharp relief, since before
then Harry had only felt nebulous dissatisfaction. He hadn�t wanted anyone specific other than Ginny,
just something�more.

�� And some of
that was his fault.

�� And now, he
couldn�t save her.

�� Tutela
ducked her head until her beak was resting beside his ear, and held it there.
Harry reached up to scratch the feathers of her nape, which ruffled with
pleasure. He tried to take some comfort from the breathing warmth of her, so
close.

�� He couldn�t
save everyone. He had thought he knew
that; it was certainly something one became accustomed to after years of working
for the Blood Reparations Department.

�� But being a
hero was the only thing he knew how to do. And now he couldn�t be one for his
wife, and it saddened him.

�� It was all
right to feel sorry for her, wasn�t it? That was hardly a betrayal of what he
had chosen, of Draco or his life with Draco.

�� But giving in to her would be.

�� Harry.�

�� Harry was
turning around before he realized the voice wasn�t Draco�s. He had thought it
must be because one of his children would have used �Dad,� and one of the
house-elves �Master Potter.� But it was Narcissa Malfoy who stood there in the
darkening garden, her hands folded in front of her and her sharp eyes on his
face.

�� Hello,
Mrs. Malfoy,� Harry said, starting to stand. �Are you looking for Draco? I
think he might be with the children��

�� Call me
Narcissa, please,� said Narcissa, and picked her way towards him. Even though
she wore pale blue robes that were no more confining than his or Draco�s, Harry
thought she moved as if she were used to heavy gowns. �And no. You�re the one I
came to talk with.�

�� Harry
swallowed several times, and then managed to get out, �Oh.� He had assumed that
if Draco�s mother had any strenuous objection to their living in the same
house, she had kept them diplomatically to herself, waiting to see what
happened and how much Harry really
meant to her son. Now he wondered if he had been judged and found wanting, or
if Narcissa was about to tell him something he had done to hurt Draco. His
heart pounded so fast that Tutela hooted in distress and leaned more firmly against
his cheek.

�� Why don�t
we sit down again?� Narcissa patted the bench, so Harry sat. She sat next to
him, and turned around to study him coolly. Harry remembered the first
impression he�d had of her, when he saw her at the Quidditch World Cup, as if she
had a smell of dung beneath her nostrils. Now, she looked as if she were seeing
straight into the back of his skull, and reading all his thoughts as though
they were printed on parchment. Harry remembered Snape�s use of Legilimency,
and shifted uneasily.

�� And then
Narcissa smiled.

�� Harry
stared. He had always thought that Draco looked more like his father, but his
smile was Narcissa�s. It filled her pale blue eyes with something that looked
like genuine delight, and irradiated the corners of her face with pure light.

�� What did I
do, to deserve that?� Harry asked in
wonder, and then promptly flushed again, conscious that he�d probably sounded
stupid.

�� Narcissa
took his hand. �You gave Draco his life back again,� she said softly. �You
protected him, and rescued him, and gave him an interest beyond the walls of
the Manor. He loves his son, but it�s not right that he live solely for
Scorpius. And he�s happy with you,
happier than I�ve ever seen him. I�m not sure what factor was strongest, the
combination of circumstances or the life-debts or the fact that you�re so
obviously in love with him yourself, but it worked. He wasn�t even this joyful
when he was a child; Lucius got his claws into him too early.� There was a
complicated flicker of emotions in her eyes, making Harry wonder how much she
missed her imprisoned husband. �So, thank you for that. And I wanted to say, if
you doubted your decisions or worried that I disapproved, you should lay those
fears to rest. I could only disapprove if you hurt him. He is full of fire now,
and you are the source of it.�

�� Harry
nodded slowly. He still couldn�t quite
believe that she was as happy with the sudden changes as she pretended, but�

�� The scar
sent its minty, buzzing tingle into his mind, and Tutela placed one talon
gently on his shoulder, with the suggestion that she could put more weight behind it, were she so inclined. Think of his
own happiness, their message was, and trust Narcissa. If she were unhappy, she
would have to tell him about it. That was the mistake Ginny had made, assuming he
could read her mind. Reasonable people wouldn�t act like that.

�� Harry
relaxed as much as he could, and said, �Then you don�t mind the children coming
with me to take up residence in the Manor?�

�� Narcissa
laughed, and her face softened in a way that even that semi-alarming smile hadn�t
managed to make it do. �Of course not! The house-elves can help take care of
them. And I have wished that Draco and Marian remained together long enough to
have a daughter, or several, in order to end the Malfoy tradition of only one
child a generation. Your sons and little girl�� Harry didn�t miss how her tone
gentled at the mention of Lily ��are welcome here for as long as you choose to
stay.�

�� And her
gaze grew piercing again. �How long do
you plan to stay, Harry?�

�� For as
long as both Draco and I want me to,� said Harry.

�� He hadn�t
planned the response beforehand, but maybe that was better. Narcissa reached out
and caught his other hand.

�� Thank you
for my son�s happiness,� she said simply. By the time Harry recovered from the
wonder of her saying that to him, she had risen from the bench and was pacing
back across the garden, picking up her robes as if to remove them from the mud.
There wasn�t much mud, of course. The elves had groomed and tended the gardens
to within an inch of the flowers� lives, and stray mud would be much too distracting
a sight for wealthy pure-blood wizards, Harry suspected.

�� As far as I�m concerned, though, Narcissa
can have all the odd little mannerisms she wants.

*

�� So it�s
true that you left your wife?�

�� Harry
looked up in startlement. He�d been playing with Teddy out in the Tonks
gardens, but his godson had run back into the house to fetch a practice wand
that he wanted Harry to see. He hadn�t realized Andromeda had come out of the
house and was poised on the doorstep, her face soft and wistful as she looked
at him. Harry wondered if she was thinking of her own marriage�also severed,
though not willfully on the part of either participant.

�� He nodded. �I
don�t think that we were meant to be married anymore,� he said.

�� But you still
are.� Andromeda�s brow wrinkled for a moment. �I thought the vows you took were
the strongest type.�

�� They are.�
Harry heard the bitterness in his own voice, and did his best to drain it out.
He wouldn�t bad-mouth Ginny to anyone,
because someday it might get back to his children. �So they still hold. But
couples with these vows have lived separately in the past. That�s what we�re
doing.�

�� Ah.�
Andromeda folded her arms and looked down at her feet, and Harry wondered for a
moment if she would tell him that she didn�t want him visiting Teddy anymore.
It was a long shot, but Andromeda still didn�t have many fond feelings for the
Malfoys, and she had lost her husband and daughter and son-in-law to people who
believed as they did.

�� Instead,
she looked up at him and said, �I have struggled against certain aspects of my
reality for too long to believe they can be changed. I hope you will find things
different.�

�� Harry
impulsively stepped forwards and clasped her hands. They were warm and slightly
damp in his, as if she were far more strained than she let on. Andromeda
shivered and started to pull back from him, but Harry closed his fingers on
hers, keeping her still. �If you ever wanted to talk to me about Ted or Tonks,�
he said softly, �I�d be happy to hear about them.�

�� Andromeda
closed her eyes. Her words emerged in short jerks. �There was no�there was no
chance for me to change what happened.
If I could have hunted down Bellatrix�if I could have made her pay for killing my daughter�then I think
I would have peace. But the war ended so soon.� She took several sharp, quick breaths,
then added, �Not that I blame you for ending it. It is good that it did, so no
one else had to die. But there is no chance for revenge on the people who
caused the most harm. Do you understand?�

�� I think I
do,� said Harry. He hesitated. �To be honest, I wondered if you would hate the
Malfoys, because they represented the side that caused you so much pain.�

�� Andromeda
looked beyond weary. �I can�t hate my sister and her nephew, though I don�t
want to associate with them until they can admit that I didn�t make the wrong
choice by marrying Ted, and that Dora didn�t throw her life away on Remus. Maybe
there can be reconciliation in the end. But it seems unlikely at the moment.�

�� I�m sorry,�
Harry said.

�� Grandmum?
Harry?�

�� Harry
dropped Andromeda�s hands and turned around. Teddy was standing in the doorway
of the drawing room, his eyes wide and darting back and forth between them. He
had his practice wand in his hand, colored bubbles emerging from the tip, but he
seemed to have forgotten why he wanted to fetch it in the first place.

�� Teddy,�
Andromeda said, and went to him, bending down to kiss his forehead for a
moment. Then she gave Harry a slight nod and walked into the house. Harry
studied her back. It was proud and firm. No one would ever reckon that so much
grief was still devouring her from the inside.

�� Did she
tell you about Mum?� Teddy asked.

�� Harry snapped
his attention back to his godson. �Only that she still misses her,� he replied.
�Why? Was there something else I should know?�

�� She misses
her so much.� Teddy turned his hair
black. �It even comforts her that I�m a Metamorphmagus, because that�s one of
the ways I�m like Mum.� He moodily floated his bubbles around the backyard. �Sometimes
I think she wishes she were dead, too. And other times I catch her crying, and
it�s always Mum she�s talking about, and sometimes Granddad. Almost never Dad.�
He gave Harry a pointed look.

�� Harry
wondered for a moment why he seemed to have a talent for becoming entangled in
family drama that wasn�t his own. But if he couldn�t explain exactly what was
going on in Andromeda�s head to Teddy, maybe he could make it more understandable.
�She didn�t have much chance to get to know your dad before he died,� he said. �Just
a few months. She knew your mum her whole life, and she was married to your granddad.�

�� So it
doesn�t have anything to do with Dad being a werewolf?� Teddy�s eyes searched
his for reassurance.

�� I don�t
know that for certain,� Harry said, after a moment of internal debate. As much
as Teddy probably would have liked to hear that his family had been completely
harmonious when his parents were alive, he hated being lied to more. �If you
feel that you really need to know,
then ask her. But bear in mind that if her grief is still this strong, she
might not be comfortable telling you.�

�� I know that.� Teddy�s hair turned bright red,
then black again, and he banished the bubbles altogether. �No one wants to talk
to me about my parents. Grandmum still grieves about them too much, and they
have no friends that I�ve ever met, and you didn�t know them for long enough,
you said.�

�� Harry knelt
down in front of his godson. �I didn�t know much about them compared to some
other people who, yes, are dead or grieving,� he said softly. �But I didn�t
mean that I wouldn�t tell you about them at all. Just that the information
wouldn�t be complete.�

�� Please.�
Teddy gave him a yearning look. �I just feel like I don�t know them, not really.�

�� Harry
swallowed memories of another ten-year-old boy who hadn�t known his parents at
all, and couldn�t have picked their faces out of a crowd. He began to tell Teddy
of the lessons that Remus had given him in conjuring a Patronus, and of the
night that Tonks had come as part of the Advance Guard to the Dursleys� house
and tripped over things continually.

�� By the time
he left, Teddy�s face was a little more peaceful, and he waved cheerfully as
Harry Apparated back to the Manor.

*

�� Harry
jerked sharply out of sleep. Draco was shaking his shoulder, and by the look of
his face, he wasn�t any more pleased about waking from one of their shared
dreams than Harry was.

�� Whazzit?�
Harry muttered. His tongue was tied up with his teeth, and he rubbed crusted
sleep from the corners of his eyes.

�� Granger�s
in the fireplace,� Draco said. �She wouldn�t tell me what had happened, just that
I should get you immediately.� He stepped back so Harry could climb out of the
bed, but added, �If it�s something like the dragons, then I�m coming with you
whether she likes it or not.�

�� Harry
nodded, finished buttoning up the pyjama top that had been hanging around his
shoulders, and padded past Draco and down a few corridors to the fireplace
where Hermione�s head hovered in the flames. One look, and he found it hard to
continue standing. Draco didn�t know Hermione well, so he had probably taken
her fierce expression for a sign that she was angry. Harry could see her
trembling lower lip, and the gathering wetness at the corners of her eyes that
could easily become tears.

�� Hermione,�
he said. �What�s happened?�

�� Harry,�
Hermione whispered. �You needed to hear this from me.� She didn�t seem to
notice as Draco took up a protective stance at Harry�s shoulder; at least, she
didn�t object. �There was�another attack. The Masked Lady was planning, but she
didn�t move in the direction we were all expecting. We had the supremacist
groups under watch, but she made use�Harry, I�m so sorry, I swear it wasn�t my fault��

�� Harry took
a deep breath, absorbing the reminder of the fact that they were at war. Draco�s
hand clenched one shoulder; Tutela came winging through the doorway to settle
on the other. �Tell me what happened, Hermione.�

�� Hermione
nodded, eyes huge, and managed to speak the words without breaking into a sob
in the middle of them. It was better than Harry could have done.

�� She used
dragons, Harry. On the Tonks house. It�s�completely gone, and there�s no sign
of Andromeda or Teddy. We think they were burned to death.��

*

�� Thrnbrooke:
Was the letter as bad as you expected?

�� JMB: Not in
this case. Ron in this story is rather different, and can make up his own mind
about the Malfoys.

�� Mephistedes:
As you can see, Harry is rather manipulated by not just his children, but the
thought of his children. James will find it harder to manipulate Draco and
Narcissa, though, or be annoying around them.

�� Mangacat: I
don�t know that there will be a meeting of full families, just individual
members.

�� Myra: Thank
you for reviewing!

�� Kalaway:
Pure-bloods and Muggleborns are working together to tip the balance; they�d
rather work together temporarily so that, in the end, there�s more bloodshed
for all.
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I Give You a Wondrous Mirror