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Practicing Liars	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 63257 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

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Chapter Thirty-Two�Scenes
of Strength

�� Draco eyed
Harry�s back suspiciously. He was Slytherin enough to recognize a plan when he
saw one. Harry had told Draco to meet him in the old classroom where they and
Harry�s friends had met several times to talk about the Horcruxes, but he and
Harry had been here alone for almost twenty minutes now, and Weasley and
Granger hadn�t shown up.

�� Harry cast
a Tempus Charm and sighed
theatrically. Then he turned towards Draco. �I don�t think Ron and Hermione are
going to come,� he said. �They probably had a snogging
session or something.�

�� Draco
shuddered, as he knew Harry would expect him to, but inwardly he was thinking, Lucky bastards. Wish I could imitate them.

�� So that
means that you and I can talk about things that we couldn�t talk about with
them around,� Harry said, and sat down on the floor in front of Draco. Draco
blinked, thinking something was strange about that, and then realized that
Harry usually stood between him and the Terrible Two, as if anxious to show
that he liked them both equally. It was new to have him so close.

�� And it made
Draco�s heart begin to beat faster. He just hoped that stupid, stupid blush
wasn�t mounting to his cheeks.

�� Snape is
working on the Entwining Potion,� Harry continued. �He told me that today. I
think he means to have it done even sooner than the fortnight he promised me,
if he can.� He worked his fingers back and forth through each other, and the
expression on his face was distracted.

�� Draco
cleared his throat and tried to concentrate on the subject at hand. �Well, he
might be able to. Professor Snape really is a genius at Potions, you know,� he
added, a little reproachfully, because he thought Harry didn�t appreciate the
way Professor Snape could brew because he knew nothing about potions. �On the
other hand, he�ll be careful to maintain the efficacy of the potion, and he
won�t brew it fast if he can�t do that.�

�� I know,�
Harry said. �I just�I wish this was over, you know?�

�� Of course.�
Draco leaned nearer to him, just for the pleasure of breathing in the scent of
his sweat and having a natural excuse to touch him on the shoulder. Harry
seemed more thoughtful lately, not as talkative, but Draco didn�t mind. If
anything, that made him even more attractive, because it made Draco want to
know what he was thinking about. �I wish you were just an ordinary person, too,
without being a Horcrux. Then you could think about other things.�

�� Harry
lifted his head and stared at him. �That was just what I was going to say,� he
whispered. �That I could think about other things.�

�� Draco
swallowed and told himself not to gape at Harry like a child. He had to look as
mature and calm and composed as possible, or he thought that Harry probably
wouldn�t want to be with him. �Like talking with your friends,� he said, �and
living for yourself, and renewing your relationship with your father.�

�� And other
relationships,� Harry said then, his voice so deep that Draco thought he could
feel it vibrate in the floor under their feet, and leaned forwards.

�� Draco
didn�t have time to catch his breath before Harry was kissing him�delicately,
as if he didn�t know if the taste of a boy�s mouth would appeal to him, his
hand locked behind Draco�s neck, his fingers rubbing gently up and down the
skin there. His other hand cupped Draco�s jaw, then slid up to his cheek and
into his hair.

�� Draco made
a muffled sound, but let his eyes fall closed a moment later, and kissed back
nearly hard enough to knock Harry from his vulnerable perch on his heels.

�� Harry
rocked, but gave a little push of his own, and then Draco was lying on his back
with Harry crouched over him. Draco froze. Harry continued kissing him, eyes
still shut, pressing closer and running his tongue over Draco�s lips now in a
motion that was far less tentative than the ones he�d begun with.

�� What could
Draco do but open his mouth in response? He didn�t think there was anyone who
could have blamed him for that.

�� This time,
it was Harry�s turn to freeze. With his hands on Harry�s face, Draco could feel
him gulp as well as hear it. But the next moment, he was kissing Draco hard and
furiously, his tongue curling around Draco�s as if he wanted to make up for
lost time with speed.

�� Draco
gasped and writhed and spread his legs wide, not because he was thinking of
anything distinctly�his head was spinning too much for that�but because it
seemed right. Harry fell down between them, and finally lost the balance that
had kept him poised above Draco for so long. He tried to brace himself with one
hand, and couldn�t, and ended up resting on Draco�s chest, still kissing.

�� Draco
ignored the pressure to breathe as long as he could, but finally he had no
choice. He gently caught Harry�s chin and forced his face backwards, gulping in
one deep breath of air. It wasn�t as deep as it should have been, because
Harry�s weight was forcing his chest flat. But on the other hand, Draco
couldn�t imagine a better reason to have difficulty breathing than that.

�� Harry
resisted when Draco tried to draw him back into the kiss, and Draco shut his
eyes in nervousness. But then he realized Harry wasn�t standing and pushing him
back and declaring this had been a mistake, either. He curled up with his head
on Draco�s chest instead and, when Draco looked, had shut his own eyes, with an
expression of deep peace on his face.

�� What
brought that on?� Draco asked finally, when he thought he had enough breath
back to do it. He was glad, at least, that his voice was so soft there was no
way Harry could have mistaken it for a bark of indignation. He stroked Harry�s
hair just to drive home the point that he was pleased, and not angry.

�� I was
thinking,� Harry began.

�� That�s
always dangerous,� Draco couldn�t resist saying, and got an elbow in the ribs
and an annoyed glance for his trouble. After that, he decided that he should
lie still and listen instead of interrupt.

�� I�ve
always thought of myself, from the moment I learned about Voldemort, as not
living a very long life,� Harry said. �I thought I would either die fighting
him or because someone who wanted to get his favor or was afraid of me would kill me.�

�� Afraid of
you?� Draco repeated, truly baffled. �What do you mean?�

�� Harry gave
him a dark glance. �Don�t tell me you�ve forgotten last year, when everyone
thought I was crazy, or four years ago, when everyone thought I was the Heir of
Slytherin. I really thought someone might kill me because they were worried
about their little Savior going evil.�

�� Draco shook
his head, not able to say anything. He thought Harry�s fear of the Death Eaters
was real, but he couldn�t possibly think that any of the Hogwarts students had
hated him enough to kill him, could he?

�� Then he
thought of what he suspected about Harry�s life with his Muggle family, and the
fact that he had almost died when he was a baby and then again in several years
since, and what Dumbledore had been prepared to do. He winced, and was silent.

�� Anyway,�
Harry went on, �I thought I had to concentrate on fighting because of that. If
I was going to die, then at least I had to be the best at Defense spells I
possibly could, so I would take some of my enemies with me when I fell. And
then I was going to have to kill Voldemort, too. I got more and more convinced
of that, and I couldn�t do it the way I did when I was a baby. So I had to
learn more spells, and I had to deal with things that came up along the way
like the Triwizard Tournament, and I had to do the
best I could, all the time. If I thought about living, then something always
came along and reminded me how easily I could die.�

�� He
shivered, and Draco wished he knew what those specific memories were, so that
he could soothe them away. He did the best he could by trailing his hands up
and down Harry�s shoulders and spine, and listening.

�� And I had
to do the best in other things,� Harry whispered. �I had to not think all the time, because that
would mean thinking about things that didn�t have anything to do with being a
hero. I couldn�t think too much about Slytherins and whether I could ever possibly
like them. I couldn�t think about whether other people suffered from things other than Voldemort, things I could
have done something about. I was being a hero; wasn�t that enough? I got in
petty fights with my friends because I wasn�t thinking about them all the time.
I couldn�t, because that would mean not thinking about the people trying to
kill me. All these thoughts, all these deeds,
Draco, they were just about being a hero, just about doing one thing. I made a
list the other night of all the things I�d ignored and all the questions I
hadn�t asked, and the only thing they all had in common was that they were off
the path people told me I had to walk when I came into the wizarding world, so
I didn�t seek them out or ask them.�

�� Draco found
his tongue at last. �I think you�re being too hard on yourself,� he said. �Did
anyone from Slytherin approach you, either? Did anyone ever ask your help with
something specific you could have done that wasn�t fighting Voldemort? I can�t
blame you for not being friendly to everyone in the world. I wasn�t exactly
going around making friends out of Gryffindors, either.�

�� He could
feel Harry smile against his cheek. �Yeah,� Harry said. �I figured that was
part of it. I can see more clearly now how I was ignoring Snape and how easily
I could have ignored you and left you to suffer through the task Voldemort
assigned you, and that makes me see the things I used to do in a different,
harsher light.�

�� Draco
patted his back in relief.

�� But, on
the other hand,� Harry went on, lifting himself on his elbows and looking
solemnly down at Draco, �you weren�t
the one who was setting yourself up as a hero and saying you were the epitome
of all good, Draco. I was. Or at least I was being told that I could be, and I
believed it. But I ignored lots of things. I didn�t do lots of things that a
real hero would. I didn�t even work hard at other subjects that probably could
have given me spells to fight Voldemort, and I didn�t do as well as I could
have in Defense.�

�� Well, be
fair,� Draco said. �Most of our Defense professors were bloody awful.�

�� Harry
smiled, but didn�t laugh. �And last night,� he said, �I started thinking. If
all that was wrong, if I couldn�t be the shining hero they wanted me to be anyway and I�d never been, why shouldn�t
I start living better? Doing things I wanted to, not because they would make me
into a better fighter? And one of those things was figuring out what I felt for
you.�

�� Draco shut
his eyes. He didn�t think life held anything better than the way Harry bent
over him a moment later and kissed him again.

�� No, he was sure it didn�t.

*

�� Sir? Can I
speak to you a moment?�

�� Severus
looked up. He had been so deep in the haze of brewing the Entwining Potion that
he hoped would remove the Horcrux from Harry�s soul that he hadn�t heard the
knock that must have come, or the permission he had given to enter. The echo of
the words lingered in his mouth, or he would have been at a loss to know why
his son was standing there in his office.

�� Of
course,� Severus said at last, when the haze receded. He automatically corked
the vial of ingredients he held and cast a Stasis Spell on the liquid in the
cauldron. �What is it?�

�� Harry stood
by the door, with eyes so large that Severus at once wondered if he had had another
encounter with Albus, or if one of his friends had wounded him. Then Harry
shook his head, looking irritated with himself, and came closer. He actually
came up beside Severus, which he had never done before�it had not escaped
Severus�s notice that he always kept enough distance between them that Severus
couldn�t easily touch him�and propped his chin up on the edge of the desk,
folding his arms beneath it. His eyes were large and serious and something else
that Severus could not immediately define, but which made him think of Lily.

�� What�s��
Harry said, and then paused and chewed his lip so hard that Severus wondered
whether there would be any more words at all that night. An impatient impulse
stirred in him; if Harry would say nothing, then he might as well go back to
his brewing. It was not his way to waste time.

�� But he had
the impression, or the silent impulse, that that would be one of the worst
things he could say right now. So he kept his arms folded in his sleeves, and
Harry finally nodded and burst out with the question that must have been
bubbling inside him for days.

�� What�s our
family like?�

�� Severus
delicately put one hand on the desk so that it would seem as if he was merely
shifting his weight to the side. He would not let Harry see that he needed the
support. Harry�s question opened a new prospect, but Severus knew that his son
did not regard weakness well, most of the time, and had a particular shyness of
the way that Severus might approach this subject. In fact, he had already jumped
and looked half-sorry that he had spoken.

�� The
Princes, you mean?� Severus said at last, when he was in a new position that
would allow him to speak calmly and rationally.

�� Harry
shrugged uneasily. �Yeah. And the Snapes, if you know
anything about them. And I want to know what you and my mum were like as
friends,� he added rapidly, because he seemed to decide that, having spoken
about one touchy subject, he should speak about all of them at once.

�� Severus�s
immediate impulse was to say that he would not reveal such things unless Harry
would tell him about his Muggle family.

�� Then he
looked into Harry�s face, and saw the half-nervous, half-defiant look he was
getting, and knew that such a request would be worse than useless. This was not
a matter on which he could bargain, unless he wanted to drive his son away. For
Harry, the question was the concession he was making. In fact, admitting that
he was curious about his family in the first place, that Severus�s family
instead of the Potter line was part of his inheritance, meant that he had come
further than he perhaps intended.

�� His face
was clouding now, and he cast an uneasy glance over his shoulder at the door.
�I�m sorry I came like this, sir,� he said. �I mean, you were busy. I mean, I
could go�� He started easing backwards.

�� No,�
Severus said, and so accepted that courage was needed in this matter rather
than cunning. He stood up straighter. �I will tell you about the Princes, and
about your mother. About the parts of your heritage that we both have to be
proud of.� He was sure Harry would not fail to notice that he had omitted the Snapes, but from the slow, considering look he got, he was
also sure Harry would not ask about that, not right now.

�� Harry
nodded and settled back, further away than he had been. Severus tried not to
mind that, and wondered that he should have to make an effort not to do so.

�� My mother
was proud of her family,� Severus said quietly. �They are very old, and they
had, once, as great a fortune as the Malfoys do now. Their boast was that they
had never married someone with the slightest trace of Muggle blood.�

�� Harry
stared at him, started to say something, and choked it back down. Severus
narrowed his eyes. �Speak.�

�� I
mean�well, I don�t think that�s something to be proud of,� Harry said.

�� I know,�
Severus said. �But those were the stories she told me, and she made their homes
sound wonderful, decorated with marble and onyx. Always marble and onyx. White
and black were the only proper colors for the Prince family. Their seal used to
be a black swan, wings spread, in the middle of a field of purest white.�

�� Harry was
relaxing now, regarding him with something of the same expression Severus was
sure he had worn when he sat at his mother�s feet. �And someone cursed them with
the bloodline curse?� he asked.

�� Severus
nodded. Of course that part of the story
would be important to him. �Like other pure-blood families, they were
involved in the petty little wars that once plagued our kind, when we were
numerous enough not to have to hide from the Muggles. And they cast their share
of curses in their time, as well.�

�� Harry
licked his lips. �I don�t know what to say about that.�

�� But Severus
understood his emotions better than he did himself, simply from reading his
countenance. Fascinated, but repelled. This would be different from what he had
grown up with, the way it had been different from the shabby little house
Severus had grown up in and the constant noise of Muggles, and that would be
enough to partially recommend it. But to hear that one�s ancestors had been
involved in war and Dark magic would hardly fit the ideas Harry had acquired
since coming into the wizarding world.

�� My mother
was different from the other members of her family,� Severus went on. He could
see her face as well as if he were looking at it now. She had bent above him so
many times, whispering stories of magic and murder to him as she sewed or
cooked or did some other mundane chore. �She was prouder. She wanted their
heritage, but she also wanted to distinguish herself, to mark herself out as
different somehow. She was a champion Gobstones
player, but that was a schoolgirl triumph, not the magnificent one she wanted.�

�� She wanted
to make people pay more attention,� Harry whispered. �Sometimes it wouldn�t
matter what kind of attention, as long as she got it.�

�� Severus
stared at him. �That is correct,� he said slowly. �How did you know?�

�� Because
I�ve felt that way, sometimes.� Harry wrapped his arms around himself and
closed his eyes. �And then I came into the wizarding world and had all the
attention I could ever want, and discovered that it wasn�t all that it was
meant to be. I think that cured me of wanting to stand out forever.�

�� Severus
continued speaking after a few minutes, during which his son stood there
silently and didn�t seem disposed to reveal anything else, whether startling or
not. �She grew wilder and wilder when she left Hogwarts, and was impatient and
angry when she figured out that her world was full of young pure-bloods, all
striving to stand out, and still there was no one to notice her. She didn�t
have beauty. She didn�t have money anymore; the Princes had lost their fortune.
She didn�t have a talent that mattered at anything except Gobstones.
She wasn�t powerful with magic, or that clever, except when it came to seizing
her own advantage. There seemed to be no road open for her, and she despaired
and chose the hardest one possible.�

�� Harry
blinked at him. �It�s strange to hear you talk that way about your mother,� he
said. �I mean, after what you said about blood the other day.�

��

�Because I would have done anything
for her did not prevent me from seeing her faults,� Severus said. �I learned
them early, so that no one else�not my father, not those who might have known
her family, if I ever encountered them�could use them to sting me.�

�� Harry
stared up at him again, and then nodded. Severus went on.

�� She
married a Muggle. Of course that was a means to punish herself as well as her
family. And it was a Muggle who gave her no reason to be proud.� That was the
closest Severus could bring himself to come to talking about his father today.
�And then she had me, and she spent all her time telling me about the glory
that she fled from.

�� When I met
your mother, my mother was horrified. She protested that I had a responsibility
to the Prince blood to choose my friends from among those who had no trace of
the Muggle taint. I said there were no other wizards or witches in town, and
she told me that I had better stay home with her, then.

�� I
disobeyed.�

�� Harry
nodded again. �And you were friends?� he asked.

�� Until the
time that you have seen in my Pensieve,� Severus said, and hurried past the
memory that darkened both their faces to a happier one. �I explained what
Lily�s magic was to her first, and about Hogwarts. Her sister Petunia was
jealous, but she hardly cared. Petunia had always needed her more than the
other way around, and this was a new world. I taught her basic spells. I taught
her what she knew about Potions before she came to Hogwarts. Even when we were
placed in separate Houses, she maintained the friendship, and you know how hard
that is to do in a place like this.�

�� Harry
closed his eyes and stood there as if he could see the images that haunted
Severus�s mind from those few words alone. Severus hoped he could. His throat
had closed, and he could talk no more that day. He turned and stared down into
the cauldron until thoughts of the future had come to replace those of the
past.

�� Sir?�

�� Severus
glanced over his shoulder. �Yes?�

�� Harry stood
very straight, the way he usually did if condemned to detention. He cleared his
throat several times before he could speak. Severus was familiar with that. It
was the way he had spoken, or not-spoken, to Lily after the day when their friendship
had cracked.

�� When I
came here,� Harry said, �I still wanted to have a lot of attention and make
something of myself. I was starting to think that it wouldn�t be as great as I
used to think, and I�d met Ron on the train, and he was the first friend I ever
had, and I didn�t want to be separated from him. But I still partially wanted
people to notice me and smile at me.�

�� Yes?�
Severus asked blankly, not sure where this story was going.

�� The
Sorting Hat sensed that,� Harry said quietly. �It offered to put me in
Slytherin. It probably would have except that I begged for Gryffindor, because
I wanted to be with Ron, and I�d met Draco and he was horrible�at the time,� he
added quickly, as if his own thoughts of the future had intruded. �But Slytherin
was an option.�

�� He
hesitated some more. Severus, too stunned to move, stared at him, and then
Harry said, in a rush so great Severus had trouble separating the words, �We�re
not that different, you know.�

�� He left
immediately. Severus sat down behind his desk and shut his eyes.

�� There were
too many emotions whirling through his head, too many. It shouldn�t be possible
to feel this much.

*

�� Harry,
leaning against the wall beside the door of Snape�s office, found himself
breathing like a long-distance runner.

�� But he�d
survived talking to both Snape and Draco, and he knew he�d been right to do it.

�� He�d wanted
to.

*

�� k lave
demo: Well, Harry will try to include Ron and Hermione more in the future, but
first he�ll have to tell them all the secrets that he was keeping form them.

�� anciie: We�re definitely closer to the ending, but I don�t
know yet when that ending will come.

�� SP777: I
hope this chapter satisfied you! Harry is trying to take control of his
relationships now, and acknowledge that he wants more from Snape to other
people besides himself.

�� DTDY: Thank
you!

�� Sneakyfox: It will take more effort to get there
completely, but yeah, they�re close.

�� Thrnbrooke: Thank you!

�� MewMew2:
Thank you!

�� HeartStar: I�m sure things would have been different if
Harry had grown up with parents.
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Practicing Liars