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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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LOST AND DAMNED

The Eyes That Are Just Begging Me For More

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"AHEM!"

"Oh! Oh, oh, sorry, Mrs. We-Harry…HARRY! Wake up!"

Harry grunted as he felt something shoving against him and he blinked open his eyes. Hermione was scrambling off of his bed, muttering under her breath and Mrs. Weasley stood in the doorway, looking horrified. "Young men and women should not be sharing beds…It is…highly inappropriate!" Mrs. Weasley was saying, her voice oddly high pitched. "I…I suppose I understand that you're both upset, but really-"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Weasley…Harry and I stayed up all night talking…I didn't mean to fall asleep here!" Hermione was exclaiming, voice sounding just as high as Mrs. Weasley's.

"Yes, well, don't let it happen again!" Mrs. Weasley was saying. Harry was too tired to catch up on everything fast enough and just sat in confusion at the exchange. "You can stay, dear, I just wanted to let you know that breakfast is ready and you have a…well, Harry, you have a visitor."

Harry yawned before asking, "Who?"

Mrs. Weasley seemed unsure of herself before standing aside and ushering someone in. Hermione gasped sharply and Harry blinked a few moments before he realized that Draco Malfoy was standing in the doorway. When he did realize it, his eyes grew wide. "Draco! What are you doing here?"

Mrs. Weasley stepped out and Draco stepped in, followed closely by Ginny who glared at his back as she walked over to stand near Hermione. Draco just smirked and walked closer to Harry. "Mother is allowing me to stay the remainder of the summer with Severus. They're having an Order meeting soon and I asked if I could come along…Really don't feel like being in that house alone. It's a dump…No offense to him or anything, but it is."

Harry hated the way his heart leaped at the mention of Snape and the longing he felt to see the man, knowing he was here. There was even a surge of jealousy that Draco was getting to stay with the man and see him every day. Harry cleared his throat and forced a smile. "Well, um, that's great. How's your summer been?"

"Interesting," Draco replied immediately, glancing up at the girls.

"Come on down and eat, you lot," Mrs. Weasley called out. "Feel free to join us, uh…Draco."

Draco gave a polite bow in her direction. "Thank you, ma'am."

Mrs. Weasley blushed a bit and smiled before continuing to tell people to go eat breakfast. Hermione and Ginny gaped at him, causing Draco to smirk and Harry couldn't help but laugh. "C'mon, then, I'm starving," Harry said, sliding out of bed and looking around for his trunk. Hermione and Ginny walked swiftly from the room and Harry quickly dressed before heading downstairs with Draco. His heart was in his throat and he tried to keep himself from grinning like a mad fool. He bit the inside of his mouth hard and could barely focus on where he was going due to the hard throbbing of his heart in his chest. Snape was here. Snape was here and Harry might be able to see him and say something to him…Maybe, he told himself, not wanting to get his hopes up.

On the first floor he saw Snape and Kingsley Shackelbolt walking past them, talking quietly. Harry forgot to breathe the moment he saw the man, his heart swelling so much he felt it might burst. He was just as Harry remembered him…Tall and pale with those beautiful, intense, black eyes. Harry loved him so much and wanted to tell him so, but he kept his mouth shut. He was only grateful for that one fleeting glance Snape shot in his direction, their gazes only meeting for a brief moment before Snape turned away from him. Harry didn't know what to make of that look in his eyes, but he didn't care.

"Watch out, Potter," Draco muttered and Harry stopped and gasped just a second before he could run into Ginny. She and Hermione were waiting there, whispering to one another. Hermione shot him a knowing, encouraging little smile before glancing up in the direction Snape had disappeared to. Ginny just giggled and patted his arm. "You okay, Harry?"

"Yeah, just a bit tired. Didn't get much sleep last night," he admitted, immediately feeling his face heat up when her bright brown eyes turned to Hermione. Hermione blushed bright red. "No, Ginny!" Hermione exclaimed. "How could you think that?" she demanded, slapping her friend playfully on the arm.

"Not quite his type, is she?" Draco said quietly enough that no one but Harry overheard and he sent his friend a sharp glance before the group moved to the dining room. Mrs. Weasley was using her wand to move bowls and plates from the kitchen to the dining room table. Sirius, Remus, and Tonks were already seated. Sirius was laughing and Remus was forcing himself to laugh while Tonks just sat alone and looked miserable.

"They relaly should eat something," Mrs. Weasley was saying. "Can't very well have a meeting on an empty stomach! Especially so early!"

"Don't worry, I'll eat enough for them," Sirius assured her with a laugh.

"Ron certainly would, if he were still here," Mrs. Weasley said fondly and sadly.

Everyone froze and fell silent and Mrs. Weasley's eyes suddenly became wide. "Oh…I…"

"Umm…Breakfast smells wonderful, Molly," Sirius said.

"You really outdo yourself," Remus assured her.

Harry instinctively stepped forward, in between Hermione and Ginny and took their hands. Both looked pale, their eyes still wide, and their tense bodies relaxed under Harry's touch as he led them to the table.

"So…the headmaster was saying last night your OWL results should be coming in today," Mrs. Weasley said, a bowl she was floating in was shaking horribly so that a bit of oatmeal sloshed over the sides.

"Here, Molly," Sirius said, standing up and taking the bowl to set it on the table for her.

"Yeah, I remember he said something about it to me, too," Harry said.

"TODAY?" Hermione squealed, her hand tightening around Harry's. "Harry James Potter, why didn't you tell me?" Hermione demanded in a panic.

"I wasn't thinking about it!" Harry defended, trying not to laugh at Draco's bewildered look. "Look, you're going to scare off Draco if you keep this up," he teased and Draco just rolled his eyes and sat on the other side of Hermione uncertainly.

Hermione didn't seem to notice anything. "Oh no, oh no, oh no! I know I messed up in Ancient Runes! Oh…oh…Mrs. Weasley, have any owls come?"

"No, dear," Mrs. Weasley said soothingly.

"Oh, I better go check!" Hermione exclaimed, jumping to her feet.

"No, you sit and eat!" Mrs. Weasley demanded. "I'll go take a look."

Hermione looked reluctant, but Harry grabbed her arm and tugged her back down into her chair. It was hard, though…Calming Hermione down. Not when her panic felt so contagious. He didn't see how Draco was sitting so calmly and confidently. His stomach churned a bit as he thought about the exams that had taken place not that long ago.

"You don't think they'll send his, do you?" Ginny asked quietly.

Harry wasn't sure what she meant at first.

"I…I'm really not sure," Sirius said. "I…they might think your parents will want his results or they might think it insensitive…Though…as sad as it is, I'm sure they'd want to know…"

Ginny nodded and Harry frowned. He didn't feel very hungry anymore.

"Oh!" came a surprised voice from the kitchen. "Here we are!"

Four owls flew into the room, landing gracefully on the table in front of the teenagers, avoiding the food placed around them. Each stuck out a leg and Harry reached forward to grab the envelope with his name on it. Hermione was shaking so much that Harry had to reach over and do it for her. Only Draco opened his with ease and looked over his results. It took Harry a moment to realize there was another bird. Ginny reached over after a moment to take the one with Ron's name and handed it to her tearful, sniffling mother.

Taking a deep breath he opened his own and looked at his results. An A in Astronomy. An E in Care of Magical Creatures. An E in Charms. An O in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Harry grinned at that one. A P in Divination (Harry was honestly surprised he hadn't gotten a D or a T on that one). An E in Herbology. A D in History of Magic. An O in Potions, to his shocked pleasure. And an E in Transfiguration. Harry read over it several times, relaxing more and more by the second. He had gotten two Os! He had done pretty good and he didn't care much for the classes he did badly in. He had even managed an O in Potions! Snape had been tutoring him a bit right up until that time. Harry smiled a bit more, thinking he at least had a reason to talk to Snape now. He could show off his O and thank him for his help.

"Oh…Oh my sweet Ronnie! He…He did so good!" Mrs. Weasley sniffled proudly. "Seven OWLs! That's more than Fred and George got together!"

Ginny stood up to go hug her mother and Harry just sat there uncomfortably until Sirius asked to see his results and he stood up to hand them over to Sirius. He and Remus leaned close to read them over together. Mrs. Weasley went to go join them after a moment, still dabbing her eyes.

"Good job, Harry!" Sirius said proudly. "An O in Potions, too? Ha! Well, you should rub that one in Snape's greasy nose-"

"Sirius," Remus admonished.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Well, you should be proud, at any rate."

"Good to see that O in Defense, too," Remus said with a grin.

Harry smiled back. "Got all the grades I need to take classes to be an Auror."

"That's fantastic!" Sirius said, raising a goblet. "To Harry and his wonderful grades!" he announced, gulping some down.

"Sirius, it's a bit early," Mrs. Weasely warned.

"Hermione," Ginny said tentatively. "How did you do?"

Harry turned to his best friend who was still staring at her results, completely still. "I-Not bad," she said in a small voice. Ginny walked up behind her and Harry leaned over to look at her results. Ten Os and one E in Defense.

"Not bad?" Harry asked incredulously. "You did bloody amazing!"

"To Hermione, and her bloody amazing grades!" Sirius announced, raising his goblet again with a smirk and Mrs. Weasley just shook her head.

"How bout you, Draco?" Harry asked, looking over at his other friend.

"Better than you, I bet," Draco said with a smile.

Harry laughed and took his results back from Sirius to trade with Draco. He hadn't done bad at all…Harry didn't see any Ps, Ds, or Ts in his results. "You know, Malfoy, you're smarter than you look."

"I was just about to say the same thing."

The boys laughed for a moment before realizing the surprised looks on everyone else's faces and Draco cleared his throat and gave Harry his results back.

"And you two are friends?" Sirius asked, a bit bewildered as he drank more of his wine.

"Yes," Harry said a bit defensively, body tensing a bit. But Sirius said nothing more and Harry relaxed a bit.

"Well…You better eat up now," Mrs. Weasley told them and Harry wasted no time grabbing a sausage. Sirius and Remus launched into a story about their own OWL results and Harry found it hard not to think of the memory Snape had shown him of their day taking their Defense OWL. Luckily the old friends had a fun time reminiscing, no mention of Snape, and Harry found himself enjoying the stories of the good times the Marauders had enjoyed and hearing more positive and pleasant things about his father.

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Severus had committed a great number of sins in his life, and it seemed that whatever higher power existed was determined to make him pay for them. Severus cursed every deity he could name for it in his mind as he walked into the meeting for the Order of the Phoenix, allowing himself to get lost in the news and the plans they were all making. He couldn't tell them everything; he had been given direct orders from Albus not to discuss the curse in his hand, his impending death, or the Dark Lord's plans for Draco Malfoy. Severus focused on everyone in the meeting, and yet he could still see those green eyes in his mind, a brief meeting of eyes in the hallway.

Of course Harry bloody Potter would be here. He deserved this torture, he supposed. He had been the one who destroyed the friendship with one of the only true friends he had. He had been responsible for the death of the only woman he ever loved. He was the reason Harry was in danger now. And he had had the horrible luck of falling in love with the boy! Yes, he deserved this pain.

But it wasn't enough, apparently. As he waited by the front door for Molly Weasley to go retrieve Draco, the little brat waltzed right up to him. His face was very serious, but the boy could hardly disguise that wonderful joy dancing in his brilliant green eyes, such a look that threatened to break down every wall he had carefully constructed this past month away from the boy. His heart leaped childishly as the boy neared him and all Severus could do was glare, and even that felt halfhearted. "Potter," he said coldly.

"Hi, Professor Snape," the boy said nervously. He cleared his throat and waved around a piece of parchment. "I did pretty good on my OWLs. Got an O in Potions."

Severus raised an eyebrow in surprise. He hadn't been sure how much his tutelage had helped the boy, but he figured any improvement in his grades would be small. Certainly not O-worthy. "Well, well, well, Potter. You save your idiocy for my class, do you?"

"Nah. The you're just a bit distracting, s'all," Harry admitted quietly. "The…ah…instructor wasn't all that attractive. Easier to pay attention."

Ah, the boldness of the Gryffindors. Potter was trying to flirt with him right here in his godfather's house. Severus smirked. "I suspect you'll do better this year."

Potter didn't seem to get it. He just smiled and looked him up and down in a way that took Severus a few moments to realize the brat was checking him out. And so blatantly, too! "Doubt it," he mumbled, licking his lips. Severus found his dark eyes drawn to that mouth. Any thoughts of his new position as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher long forgotten as his mind drew back memories of kissing that mouth. Of holding that strong, smaller body against his. Oh how he longed to reach over to pull him closer now. The boy had grown a bit in the month they had been apart. A bit taller, a light trace of facial hair, somehow looking older. Or maybe Severus was only hoping to see a bit of growth…Hoping for some bit of maturing, so that he wouldn't feel so awful about his desires.

Harry Potter surely was desirable, wasn't he?

"See to it that you do," Severus said after a moment. "It would be a shame to put such improvement to waste."

"I'll try," Harry promised. He then shifted a bit awkwardly and took a deep breath before hesitantly moving closer. Severus didn't dare let this push him back, standing his ground firmly, though he had a bad feeling about doing so. "So…umm…"

The boy just trailed off, his eyes flickering down to Severus's mouth. Severus swallowed and pressed his lips together firmly. The boy still wished to kiss him? If only he knew how badly Severus wanted just that and how much more he craved from his delectable young body. "Yes?" Severus pressed after a moment.

Harry said nothing, only moving closer still. Severus could feel the heat radiating from the boy's body. He was close enough to touch…Severus could even feel that hot breath brushing against the exposed skin of his neck. Severus could feel his body responding, but he stood tall and resisted his body's screaming at him to touch the boy. He didn't have to do much, it seemed. Gryffindor bravery apparently demanded that the boy reach out, placing his hands on Severus's hips and stepping slightly closer still, pressing himself up so that his lips just barely brushed over Severus's. No one could ever understand what strength it took, what pain it caused, to pull himself just out of reach, denying his body the powerful temptation presented. "You need to learn how to listen, Potter," Severus sneered. "I do not want you. Now cease humiliating yourself, before your dogfather walks in and accuses me of molesting you."

"Wouldn't mind that so much," Harry murmured, stepping back. "The molesting part, I mean."

Severus's eyes hardened and he glared at the boy who flinched and realized his mistake. "Er…I didn't mean…I just…I want you. Still," the boy admitted.

"And, as I said, I do not want you," Severus lied. "I should have you expelled, you insolent little brat. Throwing yourself at a grown man…It can never lead to good things, Potter."

"Can't know until we try, can we?" Potter said, shrugging.

"You are a foolish child," Severus grumbled, stepping back a few steps. If he remained too close for too long, he wasn't sure what might happen.

"And you're a stubborn old man," Harry said with a shrug. "Still love you."

Severus snorted. "You're too young to understand what love is."

"No, I'm not," Harry said. "But I don't think you really know what love is…S'probably why you say things like that and why you're acting the way you are. I think it scares you."

He was probably right on that one, Severus had to admit to himself. But he rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You still have much to learn."

"And so do you," Harry replied smoothly. "But I'll be more than willing to teach you."

"Stop, Potter. I'm tired of playing your ridiculous game," Severus said, growing uncomfortable. "Run along before your dogfather sees you near me willingly."

"I don't care who sees," Harry said challengingly. "I'm not ashamed of how I feel. Not anymore."

Severus didn't dare look into those green eyes, burning with passion and boldness and determination that made Severus desperately want to give into him and forget all about his principles and concerns. "You're embarrassing yourself…I almost feel humiliated for you. Now go play with boys your own age, Potter."

"I don't wa-" Harry began.

"There you are!" Draco called out, walking over to them, Mrs. Weasley eying them in the distance. He smiled at Harry and sent Severus an odd look. "Maybe we can meet up in Diagon Alley sometime."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds great," Harry said, sounding a bit disappointed. "So…I guess I'll see you later."

"Sure. Owl me if you get bored…Sure it can't take much," Draco said, glancing around the place. It wasn't that bad, Severus thought. The Black household…It was far better than Severus's little home on Spinner's End, but it still had nothing on Malfoy Manor. The boy would forever be comparing everyone's homes to his own.

"Same goes for you," Harry said rolling his eyes. "Well…Bye, Draco. Bye, Professor."

The boy didn't walk away, though. He waited while Severus walked outside with Draco and was still there, watching, when he shut the door.

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"You know, Malfoy's not a complete prat when he's away from his posse," Ginny said later that afternoon. "Still a prat, but less of one."

Harry chuckled. "Just gotta give people a chance."

"He's more capable of holding an intelligent discussion than I assumed," Hermione agreed.

Harry laughed. "So it won't be totally weird if I start hanging out with Draco more when school starts back?"

Harry was laying on his bed, the girls on either side of him. He glanced from one to the other, watching them look at each other and grin slightly. "Maybe a little weird," Ginny said.

"But not as horrible as it was last year," Hermione agreed.

"Good," Harry laughed. It had been nice being able to hang out with Draco for a few hours. Ginny and Hermione hadn't joined in for a bit and when they had it had been a bit uncomfortable, but Harry felt that, towards the end, things were starting to look up.

"He did manage to stop himself from saying Mudblood and blood traitor several times," Hermione added.

"He has shown some improvement," Ginny said.

"Maybe he just likes Harry," Hermione teased.

Ginny's eyes grew wide. "Is Malfoy gay?"

Harry's immediately started laughing. He tried to ignore the heat filling his face and neck as he recalled the kiss he shared with Draco on Valentine's Day, an experiment that assured Harry of his gayness and Draco of his straightness. "No…Definitely not," Harry laughed, then quickly coughed at their stunned looks. "I've…erm…heard a lot about his…adventures with the Slytherin girls."

"Oh. Of course, he'd be a man whore," Ginny giggled. "Though maybe it's a cover up."

Harry just rolled his eyes. "Does it matter if he is?"

Ginny shrugged. "Ammo against him if he messes up and betrays you or insults us or anything."

"That's not nice, Ginny," Hermione said, trying to keep her tone light.

"Yeah, well, he's never been nice so it would serve him right," Ginny said, sitting up. "Anyway, I promised Dean I'd write. I'll see you later."

Ginny turned, her fiery red hair swinging around her as she walked. She really was pretty, Harry reminded himself, but not necessarily attractive to him. He turned his eyes to Hermione as she immediately snuggled closer to him. "Hmmm," she said with a smile and glanced up at him with those wide, chocolate brown eyes of hers before shifting around until she was on top of him.

"Mione?" he asked, the last half of her name becoming muffled as she pressed her lips against his. She kissed him deeply, pressing her body down against his, and for a moment, Harry responded. He kissed her back and put his hands on her hips, falling into the same pattern of old times. She had taken him by surprise and it was hard to think the way she was kissing him…Then her hips began to grind into his and Harry gasped, his cock rousing to attention at the friction. That action, though, snapped Harry out of it and he grabbed Hermione's arms and pulled her away gently and he pulled back the best he could from where he was laying.

"Mione, no…We stopped this…We can't," Harry whispered quietly, apologetically.

"Oh God," Hermione groaned, closing her eyes and letting her head fall to his chest. "God…I'm so sorry, Harry," she whispered, snuggling close to him. Harry frowned when he felt a few tears wetting his shirt and leaking through to his chest. She wasn't sobbing or anything, but she had to have quite a bit of tears coming. "I don't know what I was thinking," she muttered. "I just…Oh I'm so stupid."

"You are not stupid, Mione," Harry said gently. "You got ten Os, remember?"

Hermione snorted. "I'm academically smart, but the rest of me is stupid," she muttered. "Oh, I'm sorry, Harry. It's just…With everything…and I was just remembering how…this was where it all started, remember? Last summer," she said quietly. "And I just…I hoped it would make things better, but…It just makes me feel worse. Like I'm betraying Ron."

"It's alright, Mione," Harry whispered, stroking his hands down her back soothingly. "Just…We don't need it anymore. We're stronger than that, the both of us."

"That, and you're in love," Hermione teased him, giggling a bit through her tears. "And gay."

Harry grinned. "That, too."

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Author's Note: Chapter title lyrics from "Intensity in Ten Cities" by Chiodos.
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Lost and Damned