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In His Place	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Sirius Views: 72876 -:- Recommendations : 16 -:- Currently Reading : 16
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, so sad for me, and make no money off this story, even sadder for me.

Chapter List
- 31
- 32
- 33
Beta’d by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you’re the best!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity and other issues.

Just a reminder of what’s on my profile: reviews complaining or whinging about the lack ’o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 32

While Lucius was off working with Draco on Potions and Harry was with Narcissa tending to trying to control what he could do, Sirius took the time to talk with Remus alone. It was a couple days after the discussion with Harry about them being gay, so he thought it was time to clear the air with Remus about his leanings. It was his thought that if Harry had a rough time and needed to talk, Remus would work. Draco was fine, of course, but Remus had a tad more life experience to pull from. Besides, it was years past time he cleared the air on this topic.
They settled in one of the small rooms way in the back on the bottom floor then put up a privacy ward so they wouldn’t end up overheard. Like usual, they covered the standard dealing with what was going on and anything they thought they needed to discuss or watch out for. This was normal by now, helping them sort out what they might need to do or how to go about whatever.
As the current topics waned and they sorted them the best they could, Remus leaned back with a contented sigh and sipped his tea. “While this is plenty bad, I can’t complain about having a job. Aberforth is good about all of it, working out the schedule around the full moon and everything else. I think he’s pleased to have some help, actually. We know the pub can be a handful.”
“Just be careful,” Sirius coached. “We know how bad it can get there. And you don’t want anyone figuring out who you are. It’ll put you in plenty of danger.”
“We’re making sure,” Remus assured him with a nod.
After shifting around to get comfortable, Remus softened his voice then asked, “Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about? My feeling is there’s something, Sirius.”
“There is,” Sirius admitted. After scrubbing his hands through his hair, he was trying to find the best way to approach the topic, something not as easy as it sounded. While Remus might suspect his leanings, it was a whole other matter to finally admit to it. Realistically, he knew his friend wouldn’t abandon him since being a werewolf was far more stigmatized, but the fear was still there. It was hard to overcome, to verbalize it after all this time. Part of him was still that scared kid afraid of losing his friends over something he couldn’t change or do anything about.
“Just say it, Sirius,” Remus told him gently, wondering what he had to say. The look on his friend’s face, something which showed a tinge of fear, had him worried. Sirius was improving since escaping from Azkaban, but the old habit he used to protect himself and show no emotion was still there, making him hard to read at times.
“It’s—not easy,” he grumbled, shaking his head. With a shaky breath, he admitted, “I’ve hidden it since I was young.”
“What’s the topic, if I may ask?” Remus pressed him. The expression was still there, not to mention how tense his oldest friend was, something which made him worry just a little over the topic.
With a groan, Sirius let his head drop completely forward then mumbled, figuring it was best to get it out in one go, “I’m gay.” That’s where he left it, waiting to see the reaction and any fallout.
“That’s all?” Remus snorted, looking amused. “I’ve known since school, Sirius. James did as well. We didn’t talk about it as you had so many issues to deal with, but we knew. Not sure about Peter, mind you, as he was a tad thick on so many matters, but we figured it out. Most never did, honestly, assuming you were just being cool in ignoring the ladies who took an interest in you.”
Highly relieved, body relaxing, Sirius glanced at him, but didn’t fully raise his head. “You knew?”
“I did,” Remus nodded with a smile. “We were close, Sirius, the three of us. Took me time, but I figured it out. Wasn’t ever discussed, of course, as it was your secret and not our right to expose it.” Lowering his voice, he added, “It’s doubtful you would have handled it well if we had said something, what with all you were dealing with when it came to home and so much else. It was best we just left it alone.”
“True,” Sirius nodded, remembering how bad it was back then with his family and so much else. “I wouldn’t have admitted it anyway then would have denied everything. After that, I would have made sure to go out with several beautiful women to prove you wrong and keep my denial going.”
“I figured that as well,” Remus told him with an amused snort. “You needed your time to come to terms with it. We gave you that.”
“Is there a reason why you’re bringing it up now?” He then asked, curious.
“What I say can go no further and you have to act like I never told you,” Sirius imparted, relieved the burden he carried for so long, and the fear that went along with it, had vanished. He felt like a weight had been lifted off him, one which had weighed him down for so long. It was almost like he could fully be himself for the first time in his life, something which felt amazing.
“Of course,” Remus agreed with a nod. “What is it dealing with? Not sure how your sexuality can affect anything now, Sirius. I don’t see where it truly matters, honestly.”
“It’s not about me,” Sirius shook his head. He then quietly said, “It’s about Harry.”
“What about him?” Remus asked, highly curious where this was going.
“I overheard him talking with Draco a couple days ago,” Sirius started then laid out what was said. He then covered the talk he had with Harry. When he finished and Remus was nodding, he explained, “I just don’t want him suffering like I did. Don’t say anything to him, of course, but what I wanted was to tell him it didn’t matter to most, like you, so he doesn’t think everyone would turn their back on him. He’s dealing with so much, I didn’t want this making it worse.” Lowering his voice, he admitted, “That’s what I felt for so long. He has it hard enough as it is, he doesn’t need worse.”
Now understanding the reasoning, Remus gave a determined nod. “You can assure him it won’t matter one whit to me. It doesn’t for you and certainly won’t for him. I definitely won’t walk off or turn my nose up.”
“I will,” Sirius nodded. “Won’t say I told you, but will admit I outed myself on the matter. It should help him. We’ve not talked about the topic since then as I wanted to give him some space, but will mention it.”
“He did fine with Draco?” Remus asked, wanting to make doubly certain there.
“Draco...” Sirius started, not sure how to word it, but smiling as he did. When he figured it out, he pressed on, “He didn’t make a big deal out of it and just continued on, saying it didn’t matter. It’s what Harry needed there. I’m sure he told Lucius and Narcissa, but that’s expected. He’s not changed at all since then with Harry.”
“What Harry needed, good,” Remus smiled. “At least he can be himself with Draco. Won’t matter to most of us, honestly, but the ones who do take exception tend to end up very vocal about it. Those close—it won’t matter.” Then he added gently, smiling, “Like it won’t with you.”
“I knew it realistically, but you know home some react,” Sirius admitted, shaking his head. “You just tend to think of the vocal opposition and what they’re like. Everyone has a prejudice of some sort and this one tends to end up a popular one. It’s something you can’t shake because you feel so different anyway.”
“And what you just said is something you should impart to Harry,” Remus told him, nodding as he did. “It can help. With how his family was—well, you know. He probably needs a few more reassurances than most on the topic. You’re perfect for giving those to him.”
“I plan on it. All I wanted was to give him some space before I moved on to talking about it more. As we press on, I’ll do it a little at a time so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed. He has so much of a burden to carry around anyway, he doesn’t need to feel like I’m bombarding him with it.” Sirius explained.
“Very true,” Remus nodded. “Go with what you think is best. If you need help, I’ll do all I can in the form of advice until Harry feels comfortable enough to tell me himself or allow you to do so. Then I’ll take a more active role.”
“I’ll let him know,” Sirius smiled. Yes, this was good. Not only for Harry, but himself. It did make him feel better.
“Now,” Remus smiled, changing topics, “let’s see what we can suss out when it comes to some of the truly bothersome areas we’re dealing with. Albus, and proving Harry isn’t a Horcrux, is the big issue here. We need to do something, Sirius, as the war is growing worse. If we can prove it, he might change tracks. We need him to. I doubt Rufus will ever fully trust him, but he can use all the help he can get.”
“Unless you have some idea, somewhere, how to do this, I don’t know,” Sirius told him honestly, shaking his head. “The Parselmouth is the key. I think I need to see if Harry still is one. If he isn’t, this is the way to go. Let me see what I can manage tonight. If he isn’t, we’ll come up with something. This idiocy needs to stop and him to focus in the right direction.” Then he began tossing some ideas out to see if the two could figure out something to manage this.

While Harry well and truly hated this ‘gift’ he was cursed with, he was finding he liked meditation. It was a tad of a trial to pick up at first, but once he did, he liked the feeling which came with it. The reaction was calm and peaceful, something which seemed to help with plenty, like easing the frustration he was dealing with over so much. That alone was a huge help for him. He could also tune out what was going on and find his peaceful place, something which helped deal with the mess going on. What he was also plenty sure of was the meditation was the only reason he hadn’t blown up more than he had over so much. Yeah, it was great and he liked it. By now, he was even finding other uses for it, such as at night with the nightmares. Any little bit would help with the mess he was dealing with and this tool was one he would keep on using.
As he slipped into his peaceful place, everything around him tuning out including Narcissa giving instructions, Harry planned to just enjoy the time here. Oh, he knew he was supposed to work on sliding into the in between place like they discussed, but planned to mostly just enjoy the peace. He would work on it a tad, but not much. Even the working on it just a little was new and motivated by what Regulus told him. He was rather interested in talking to some people who had passed on. The peaceful place was more interesting, though.
When he was in place and just relaxing, he happened to notice a door he hadn’t seen before. Though he learned his lesson about curiosity in a painful way, he couldn’t resist this. Of all the adventures he had gone on since learning he was a Wizard, this was the safest. He was in a place of his own making and could control whatever, so he thought it was fine to go ahead.
A grin on his face, curiosity piqued, he strode over to the door then opened it. He stepped inside, though he made sure to leave the door open. After stepping inside, he immediately recognized where he was; the in between place. A glance over his shoulder told him the door was still open, so he wasn’t too concerned as he could easily step back through. It appeared, without realizing it, he had managed to do what Narcissa wanted. Easily too. That was a first.
After a quick look around, he nodded then planned to leave as he could feel the nudges already and see the shadowy outlines of the people who were doing so. Since he wasn’t yanked here, it wasn’t like there was something he had to impart, so no reason to stay. Besides, this place made him uncomfortable, so he didn’t want to stay. Just as he was about to go, he was stopped by a familiar voice. With a grin, he turned around and faced his mum.
“You did it,” Lily smiled, holding her arms open for her son.
Harry threw himself into his mum’s arms and hugged her. Though it didn’t feel like a real person, it was close enough for him. Holding her close, he muttered, “I did. Not sure how I managed, but I did it.”
“You just needed the right motivation,” Lily told her son, holding him close and rocking him a little. “You found it. This is good, Harry, what you need. I know you don’t like what you can do, but it’ll help you in plenty of ways.”
“As long as I can visit you, dad, Regulus and the like, I can handle it,” Harry muttered, adoring how it felt to have his mum hold him.
“All you like,” Lily assured him with a smile. “We won’t mind a bit, any of us. My word.”
“Good,” Harry smiled. “Just want to stay like this for a while.” He then added, voice muffled slightly as he held onto his mum tightly.
“We can,” Lily agreed with a nod. “Won’t for too long as I’m sure it will completely panic Narcissa if she can’t get through to you and it will really tire you out, but we can for a time. I’ll just hold you, nothing more. There won’t be anything stressful today and you can ignore all the nudges.”
Harry nodded, but said nothing, just enjoying how it felt to be held by his mum. Yeah, this was good and worth it, that’s for sure.

Narcissa looked up when the door opened and nodded to Lucius when he came in, then went back to gazing at Harry. She was a tad worried by now, honestly. Everything was going normally when it came to the lesson with Harry able to start meditating like he had been. Unlike normal, though, he wasn’t responding to her when she talked to him. She spoke softly to him, like always, and just expected the small gestures they worked on as a signal. This time he didn’t. It was like he was in a deeper trance than normal. Now she wasn’t sure what to do.
“All is going well?” Lucius asked as he took a seat by his wife with a soft groan. As he normally came in when he was done, even if his wife was working with Harry, this wasn’t odd.
“I don’t know,” she told him, keeping her voice down. Then she explained the issue. When she finished, she said, “I’m not sure if he’s in a deeper trance than normal, accomplished something or what might be going on.”
Lucius gazed at Harry, brow furrowed. There was a very peaceful expression on his face with a tiny smile on his lips. He didn’t appear at all troubled and just in the normal state he managed to achieve when doing this. The only odd part was the smile. “I would say give it a little more time before you try something else. Let’s see what’s going on with him. Is there anything about this in the books you’ve been using?” She was now going by the books Rufus sent over, ones suggested by people in the Department of Mysteries.
“Some,” she sighed, shaking her head. “He might be managing, partially, what we were hoping for. There is a trigger spell to bring him back out, but I’m reluctant to use it in case he is managing. There are also signs to watch for which indicate trouble. He’s not exhibiting any of those. This isn’t like a deep state or something which he can’t pull out of, just a meditative one.”
“Then give him time,” Lucius suggested. “Let’s see what happens. If in say another fifteen minutes he doesn’t pull himself out of it, we’ll try something else. Not drastic, but something. You said he’s doing well with the meditation and it’s helping in plenty of areas. This might just be an extension of it.”
“I do hope so,” Narcissa sighed, worried. Once Harry was out of the state, she could figure out what was going on then judge from there. The not knowing is what was bothering her to no end, especially since the normal wasn’t working.
“I doubt it’s anything to worry about,” Lucius soothed, putting a hand on his wife’s clenched fist, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Even in the other state, he can pull himself out, to an extent, now.”
“True,” Narcissa nodded, eyes still locked on Harry, fretting.

Just before the time Lucius had set for them doing something, Narcissa stiffened then slumped in relief as Harry began to come around. “Thank Merlin,” she muttered as he opened his eyes then slumped, looking tired. “What happened, Harry? Can you tell me? You weren’t reacting to the normal cues I use.”
“I managed to get into the in between place,” he told her after asking for something to drink. “Mum was there and I was talking to her.”
“Oh,” Narcissa uttered, straightening up, eyes widening. “This is good! Can you explain how you managed?” She inquired, taking the juice from an elf when the creature popped in then handing it over to him.
After a sip of the drink, Harry nodded then walked her through everything, including the door which was there. When he finished, he added, “I think you need to be louder or something with the cues to bring me out. I might, maybe, have heard something, but I’m not sure. It wasn’t like I was in danger, but time seems like it’s different there, at least in a way.”
“Yes, we’ll work on something else,” she nodded, pleased it had worked and that he managed, not to mention the suggestion.
“Perhaps setting an alarm to where you know when to come out?” Lucius suggested, intrigued by what he explained and pleased with him managing.
“That would work,” Harry nodded. “Just so it’s loud, I think.”
“We’ll set up something loud enough,” Narcissa assured him. Normally, Harry looked plenty relaxed when he came out of the meditative state, but this time he looked tired. “Are you tired? You look like you are. If you are, can you explain why?”
“I am,” Harry admitted. Then he talked her through what happened and what his mum said about it. When he finished, he told her, “I think it’s just new. Once I get used to doing so, it shouldn’t bug me as much. Not nearly as tired as after—you know, but just a bit. It’s the sort which a short nap takes care of.”
“A nap is fine,” she told him. Then she looked at Lucius and asked him to fetch Sirius. “Lay down for a while and we’ll talk more later. I want to hear every detail of how you managed so I can judge what we’re doing. Then I’ll look up more and see if there is anything else we need to work on.”
“That’s fine,” Harry nodded. “If there isn’t?”
“Then we’ll just continue on as we are until you have some sort of control over more, nothing else,” she told him with a smile. “You’ve done very well, Harry. It’s taken time, but you’ve managed quite a lot. You won’t be able to control the predictions, but you’ve managed to control enough to give us, and yourself, the time we need to get you to a safe place to allow them to come. More than anything, we need that part.”
“Understood,” Harry nodded, though he smiled at the praise. “Just taking a bit of work.”
“A lot of work,” Narcissa corrected with a smile. “You’ve done very well, though. I’m quite happy with your progress.”
“Thanks,” he said. Then he chuckled and grinned before adding, “Too bad we can’t include this in a grade for school!”
“I think we can,” she told him as Sirius and Lucius came in. With a smile, she added, “We’ll call this Divination and you get top marks for it.”
“Far better than the magical mystical show in the castle,” Sirius told his godson with a laugh, picking up on the topic. “We won’t have a problem adding it to your sheet for homeschooling either. Snape can easily sign off on it.” Then he helped Harry to his feet. Lucius had explained what happened, so he wasn’t concerned about Harry being tired this time. When they were alone and after Harry had some rest, he’d have him explain what he experienced so he knew. However, he was pleased as hell Harry was managing. This was great.
“True!” Harry laughed, grabbing his cane and steadying himself for the walk upstairs. “I don’t even dress in funny clothes and do the whole drama thing.”
“If you start doing so, Harry, we’re stepping in,” Lucius told him, smirking in an amused way as he trailed along. “We don’t want to put up with such side-shows in the house, not with all the real drama we have to deal with.”
“I understand,” Harry chuckled as he made his way slowly towards the stairs. While tired, he felt good. There was a sense of accomplishment over what he had managed, of course, but most of it came from the time he spent with his mum. Just being with her and talking made him feel wonderful. Yeah, this was worth all the bad crap which came with the other parts. He’d deal with it” as long as he could spend time with her and his dad. Might not be the same as if they were alive, but it was something he never had. And he adored it, more than he would care to admit.
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In His Place