Forgive Those Who Trespass | By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 20650 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Thank you for all the reviews! This is the second-to-last chapter of Forgive Those Who Trespass. An epilogue,
Chapter 34, will go up later today, and that will complete the story.
Thanks for coming along!
Chapter Thirty-Three—Steps
on the Road Out of Hell
Harry woke
screaming this time. He didn’t remember this dream nearly as well as he
remembered the one the other day that had involved Richard; he just knew he’d
been dangling above a pit meant to collect and drain his blood, whilst Draco
skinned him lovingly with a dull knife and a blank face.
Harry
blinked up at the lights for a moment. Were there supposed to be lights on in
the middle of the night? And then he turned over and realized he had fallen asleep
with Draco on the bed in Draco’s room.
And Draco
was propping himself up on an elbow, his brow wrinkling. Harry flinched, a
little, as he met his eyes. Draco noticed, but he just frowned harder.
“You told
me you weren’t having nightmares,” he said.
Harry
looked down, picking at the sheets. Then he swallowed. There was no excuse he
could offer—no excuse that would be good enough for lying to Draco. He’d done
it because he thought Draco should be spared worry, but that motivation wasn’t
worth the hurt and gathering fury in Draco’s face now. “I’m sorry,” he
whispered. “I don’t—it was wrong.”
That seemed
to defuse the fury. Draco sighed and wrapped his arms around Harry, dipping his
head to rest on his shoulder. “How much sleep are you missing?” he whispered. “Are
they coming every night?”
“Every
other night,” Harry admitted. He’d already talked about the nightmares to
Agarwal, so he couldn’t figure out why it felt so good to tell the truth to
Draco. Maybe because he had faith that Draco listened to him like no one else
in the world. He turned to the side and slung an arm over Draco’s waist. “The
mediwitches have said there are some spells that might help, but they’d make me
unable to wake up from the dreams. I don’t—want that. I want to know that I’ll
always be able to rip myself away if it gets especially bad.”
Draco was
quiet for a moment, stroking his back. Then he said, “Talking about the
nightmares might help, too.”
“I have—“
“With me.”
Draco’s voice was both exasperated and tender, which Harry thought might be his
favorite combination of emotions in the world right now. “In detail.”
Harry
lifted his head and scanned Draco’s face closely for a moment. It was pale and
exhausted; Harry didn’t think he’d seen Draco looking completely happy, or rested, since the maze. But that
was to be expected.
This is the kind of life you’ve let yourself
in for.
Then Draco
smiled at him sweetly, and Harry remembered that that life also included joy
and the right to be protected and cared for. They might be fleeting compared to
the weight and oppressiveness of the struggle, but when they came, they made
the struggle completely worthwhile.
“All right,”
he whispered.
Draco’s
kiss was slow and unhurried. A moment later, he settled back in the same way to
listen, as Harry stumblingly told him the nightmare.
*
Harry
roamed around his room restlessly. Every now and then, he got the temptation to
go to his door and down the corridor, but then he’d pull himself up with a
sharp reminder that Draco was visiting the Manor this weekend, so Harry couldn’t
see him. And that was right, that he
was visiting. He needed to get accustomed to his mother and to people outside
hospital again.
But it
created a hollow, unsatisfied craving in the middle of his chest.
To think
Harry had thought it was Draco who
obsessed over their relationship.
He roamed
pathetically around the room twice more, to the point where his heart started
seizing in his chest and he was forced to remember Odd Robert’s warnings,
before he stopped, clasped his hands behind his head, and let out a deep,
hissing breath. So he couldn’t see Draco. Draco was all right. He was with
Narcissa, the person who would come nearest to Harry’s fierce protectiveness. She
wouldn’t let anyone stalk him, or hurt him for his perceived crimes in the
maze, or drive him to tears.
Maybe Harry
could just Floo the Manor, really
quickly—
Then he
sighed as he remembered the instructions Draco had given him just before
departing St. Mumgo’s. There was to be no contact between them this weekend. It
was a test to make sure they could actually separate and begin leading
(cautiously) independent lives. Draco had been stern when he asked Harry for
that favor, and Harry had agreed, a little subdued by the strength in his
partner’s gray eyes.
He’d
agreed.
Besides, he
had friends, didn’t he? Friends who would probably be delighted to spend the
day with him.
So he
Flooed Ron and Hermione from one of St. Mungo’s private fireplaces, and they
came through the flames at once, eager to spend the day telling him how the
Ministry was handling the Department of Mysteries fiasco—badly—how they had
done on the latest set of trainee Auror exams—well for Hermione, not so badly
for Ron—and how the Weasleys were eagerly waiting for Harry to be well enough
to stand a little excitement, so they could take him to a Quidditch match.
Harry
laughed with them, and listened to them, and laughed loudest of all when Ron
made a casual reference to their wedding, something he never would have done
before the maze, when he’d still been trying to pretend he was absolutely independent
of Hermione and in love with her at the same time. Ron flushed, then smiled
goofily and kissed Hermione on the cheek.
It seemed Draco
wasn’t the only one who had changed when Harry spent three months as a
building.
And if their
presence never quite satisfied him like Draco’s presence did, it satisfied in a
different way. And Harry felt a hole in
his heart he hadn’t known he possessed quietly filled in.
*
“We’ve been
working together for a month now,” Harry said abruptly to Odd Robert a few days
later. “Tell me the truth. Do you think I’ll ever have the coordination that I
had before the maze?”
The
Mind-Healer paused, his wand extended in front of him. Then he cleared his
throat and lowered the wand. He examined Harry with keen eyes from behind his
glasses, and said, “Why that question, lad? You know as well as I do that we
can’t actually judge how good your coordination will be until you’ve made more
of a trial at it.”
“But you’re
an expert.” Harry stared blindly down at his hands. More and more magic was
coming back to him now, but his body remained shaky. He still couldn’t run
faster than a swift jog, and his hands faltered when he tried to write for
longer than ten minutes or catch anything flying through the air. He could grip
a broom, he suspected, but with nothing like his usual grace. Sex with Draco
was likely athletic enough to push his boundaries, though because Harry always
rested afterwards it didn’t seem like it. “You’ve handled a lot of cases
before. Tell me.”
Odd Robert
sighed gustily, then said, “No, lad, you’ll never be as good as new. Never be
at the level of physical strength and speed you were when you went into the
maze.” He paused, then added, “I’ve suspected this for some time now, and was
figuring out how to tell you. Though there are some parts of your body it didn’t
affect—for example, your skin is still as elastic as it was—becoming the maze aged you. You’re lacking some of your
coordination and so on because your muscles are those of a forty-year-old
wizard, not a twenty-one-year-old. We’ve got some of your flexibility back; you
were more like a sixty-year-old when you started training with me. But you can’t
improve much more.” He glanced up at Harry. “We can get you to the point where
you don’t have a heart attack when you want to hurry around hospital, yes. But
we’ll never make you into someone who can jump off a cliff again, as you tell
me you did to enter the Department of Mysteries, even with a Lightening Charm.
Your hands will have some stiffness. Your eyes’ll be faster than your limbs.
You’ll ache more if you take a tumble or break a bone. I’m sorry, Harry.”
Harry
closed his eyes and nodded slowly. “Will this shorten my life?”
“Now that?
I really don’t know.” Odd Robert’s voice was thoughtful. “The age damage to
your organs will be the answer to that, and I think many of your organs escaped
more than minimal damage because they were the most thoroughly transformed.” He
hesitated.
“Tell me,”
Harry commanded again, not daring to open his eyes just yet. He didn’t want to
weep.
“Your
heart,” Odd Robert whispered. “You’ll have to be careful for the rest of your
life, I think. It won’t be easy to strain, but you can always strain it.”
Harry
licked his lips twice. He could hear Agarwal’s voice in his head, telling him
that neither he nor Draco would pass out of the maze unscarred.
But his
voice was steady, and his eyes were dry when he forced them open. “Thank you
for telling me.”
*
“Draco.”
He stood no
chance of fooling someone who knew him as well as Draco, of course. Draco
turned around and arched an eyebrow, putting down the letter he’d been writing—to
one of his friends, Harry devoutly hoped. He’d told Harry casually that he’d
met a few of “his old crowd” at the Manor, and some, like Pansy Parkinson, had
encouraged him to write. “What is it?” he asked, pushing a hand through his
hair with a simple gesture that Harry had to stop himself from drooling over.
“They
caught the bastard who sold our secrets to Skeeter,” said Harry simply.
It was all
he needed to say. Draco was out of the chair in moments, crossing the distance
between them and snatching Harry’s hand. “Well?” he asked, craning his neck
back when Harry remained still. “Let’s go look at him before they take him
away.”
Harry, who
had really remained in one place just to see Draco stretch his neck like that,
agreed absently, and followed his partner for a short distance down the
corridor before taking the lead. Draco’s hand clamped on his arm, casually
making sure they couldn’t be separated. That delighted Harry. So many things
about Draco delighted him, and putting them into words would still sound sappy,
so he didn’t try.
They
reached the circle of mediwitches and Healers gathered around a wiry young man,
who stared at the ground without looking up. The mediwitches and Healers all
wore disgusted expressions.
Harry
couldn’t blame them. Toby Bannering looked
like what he was: a thin, weedy, contemptible snitch who would sell out anyone
for a few Sickles. His hands clenched at his sides as he listened to the people
asking him angry questions, and he didn’t respond to any of those questions. Harry
clamped his lips down on the urge to spit, so strongly was he reminded of Peter
Pettigrew.
Draco had
no such restraints. He forced himself through the crowd, who fell back to let him
come, and spat right in Bannering’s face. Bannering started back with a gasp,
as if he couldn’t comprehend why someone would want to do that, and appealed to
the watchers. “Did you see what he did?”
No one
appeared ready to sympathize.
A Healer
Harry didn’t know very well, though he remembered she was the Head of the Spell
Damage ward where he and Draco stayed, caught Harry’s eye and bowed stiffly to
him. “Mr. Bannering violated every confidentiality procedure St. Mungo’s has,”
she said. “He will be sacked, but we’ll make quite a thorough example of him
before then, you can be certain.”
Harry smiled
brightly, even as he received Draco’s hand back again. Draco was trembling, and
Harry knew it would be best to get him out of sight before he could break down.
“I’m sure it will be a painful example.” After all, Healers knew so many little spells that affected the
body.
The Healer’s
smile widened into a smirk. “Quite.”
And then
Harry took Draco out of sight, and in his room Draco broke down crying and
swearing, in anger and in wonder that he had been able to express that anger, and that no one had punished him for it. Harry
held him close, and rubbed his back.
*
“Harry.”
Agarwal’s
voice was a reminder that she was waiting, and probably wouldn’t be content to
wait much longer, for an explanation. Harry sighed and dragged his fingers
through his hair. “I shouldn’t have left St. Mungo’s yesterday,” he muttered.
“You should
have,” Agarwal corrected him sharply. “You need to get used to moving about in
public again.” She paused. “What you should
have done is come back to hospital the moment you realized it was getting
to be too much for you.”
“The
Weasleys were having so much fun,” Harry defended himself weakly. “It’s not
often they all get together to go shopping in Diagon Alley, and Ginny and Bill
and Mrs. Weasley hadn’t seen me for more than a few minutes at a time since I
came out of the maze. I didn’t want to spoil their trip.”
“And you
think your explosion into violence at the end of it didn’t do that for them?”
Harry
scowled at his hands.
“Harry.”
“He was
insulting Draco!” Harry hissed, bringing his head up. “He had to know I would
hear. There’s no reason to randomly start talking about Draco Malfoy when Harry
Potter and the Weasleys walk by. All that nonsense about how Draco isn’t good enough
for me even if I am gay, how Draco
just needed a proper term in Azkaban and then he’d stop pretending to be a
sniveling do-gooder—“
“Being
angry about what he said is perfectly fine,” Agarwal said. “You know as well as
I that casting the spell you used is not.”
Harry
stared at his hands again and shrugged his shoulders. How could he say that he would
have done it all over again if he had heard the man’s voice saying those words
a second time? The voice had been a penetrating whinge, announcing every word, in
perfect confidence that everyone who went by would agree with him. It made
Harry furious to know that some
people regarded Draco that way.
“Have they
managed to get the boils off yet?” he mumbled.
“No,”
Agarwal said severely. “Nor have they managed to repair his nose, which you
turned inside out.”
“I’d do it
again,” Harry said, and it was very easy after all to speak the words.
“Defending
your partner does not require violence—“
“Yes, it
does,” Harry said, looking up in surprise. “Sometimes, it does. There are still
people who hate Draco just for his name, never mind what he did in the maze.
Sometimes we get rumors that people associated with the Death Eaters are
hunting him.”
Agarwal’s
nostrils flared. “Then what you must do is learn to distinguish between
acceptable and unacceptable responses. In the long run, striking out against
everyone who threatens him will do his reputation no good.”
“Yes, but
it would make me feel better,” Harry muttered.
“Harry.”
He sighed,
and set himself to learning better like a good little patient.
*
“Mr.
Potter. I’m pleased to meet you.”
Given the
shadows in Narcissa’s face, Harry wasn’t sure that was entirely true, but he also knew Narcissa understood the anxious,
proud shine in Draco’s eyes as well as he did. Draco wanted them to get along,
and making Draco happy was important to both of them. Therefore, they would get
along.
Her hand
was smooth and cold in his. Not quite like marble, Harry thought, bending over
to kiss it. She was alive, and to be sure of that he only had to watch the
minute changes in her cool expression whenever her gaze shifted to her son.
“Thank you
for welcoming me here, Mrs. Malfoy,” he said, straightening. “You have a lovely
home.” And if that wasn’t quite true,
if he would never see Malfoy Manor free of the shadow of Dobby’s death or
Hermione’s torture, he could still say it in an unwavering voice, and Narcissa
could accept it as the truth.
“Thank you,”
Narcissa said, with a fraction more grace this time, and gathered up her dress
robes. “Shall we?”
And then
there was a magnificent dinner that would have made Hermione have a fit, since
it was entirely prepared and served by house-elves, and then a parlor filled
with so much expensive furniture Harry was reluctant to sit on it, but he had
to because Draco wanted him nearby to cuddle with. And Narcissa’s mouth twisted
only a little at their cuddling, before she hid the expression behind a tall
glass of wine.
Draco and
his mother talked about things Harry didn’t understand more than one word in
three of, apparently acquaintances of theirs and magical theories that Narcissa
made a habit of studying. Harry made little assenting noises whenever they
wanted him to, and cheerfully put up with Draco’s snorts and increasingly
drunken corrections when Harry made a noise of assent to the wrong thing.
And Draco’s
head dipped more and more, his eyelids fluttering softly, until at last his
head rested on Harry’s shoulder and his snores filled the room. Harry drank in
the sight of Draco resting, really resting;
he had known his nightmares were getting fewer, but there was a difference
between the knowledge and the sight. He ran a hand through Draco’s hair. The light,
unexpected touch didn’t make Draco shout and struggle to get away; instead, he
pressed closer, some sleepy, contented mumble escaping his lips.
“You really
are good for him.”
Harry
glanced up, startled but careful not to disturb Draco. Narcissa was watching
her son with the wistful expression Harry had seen Mrs. Weasley wear when Bill
married.
She met his
eyes in the next moment, and all resemblance to Mrs. Weasley vanished when she
said causally, “If you hurt him, I will twine your guts around a pole and arrange
for them to pull themselves out of your body and put themselves back forever,
giving you a never-ending gut wound. You cannot imagine the pain.”
“I can,
actually,” Harry said. “That was the spell Draco used on Richard. He was in the
maze for three months like that.”
An
expression of deep pride passed over Narcissa’s face. “Good,” she said, and
Harry wasn’t sure whether she was talking about Draco’s use of the spell or
Harry’s experience with it. She sipped her wine again.
Draco
pressed his face into Harry’s shoulder, and snuffled.
*
“We can’t
convince you to come back then, Harry?” Kingsley’s eyes were wistful but also
watchful. Harry couldn’t really blame him, not when he’d blackmailed the Minister
into keeping the press quiet. At least that had worked. There had been no more threats from Skeeter.
Of course,
Skeeter was reportedly abroad, seeking cures for rare diseases in other
countries, so perhaps Harry’s threat had more to do with that.
“No,” Harry
said. Carefully, he placed his resignation on Kingsley’s desk. “The maze left
me with permanent effects. I won’t be able to sustain the sheer physical
fitness required of an Auror anymore. And I have to be available to take care
of Draco. An Auror works such long hours that it wouldn’t be feasible.”
“So what will you do?” Kingsley leaned forwards across
the desk to express that the matter was of no small interest to him.
“For now?”
Harry met his eyes calmly, steadily. He suspected he knew what was coming, and
he wasn’t about to let himself be pressured back into the Ministry. “Get a flat
in Morgana’s Yard. A little village in Wales,” he added, when Kingsley crinkled
his eyes in puzzlement. “Mixed Muggle and wizarding. Far enough away not to be
hounded by the press or reminded every single day of what happened. Close
enough by Floo and Apparition to reach St. Mungo’s in an instant and visit
friends.”
“You’re
really going to retire, then? At twenty-one?” Kingsley was disapproving.
“Not retire,” Harry said, irritated. Ron had
expressed much the same doubts when Harry talked about their plans. “Just—rest for
a while. Get our lives in order. I may eventually become a Quidditch coach. I’ve
had a few offers like that already. Not all coaches have to fly all the time.
Or Hermione’s offered to teach me Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, which could
help me get a few jobs I’m not qualified for yet. Draco—he has plenty of
skills, but he doesn’t know how to apply them yet.”
“I see,”
Kingsley said.
Here it comes. Harry braced himself.
“I had
hoped—well.” Kingsley made a throwaway gesture, but he still spoke softly,
intently, his eyes never leaving Harry’s. “I had hoped you would come back to
the Ministry. If not as an Auror, there are Departments that we would still be
thrilled to have you take a place in. You know that.”
Harry shook
his head. “The Ministry was what hurt Draco,” he said. “And hurt me. Even
though most of the time you didn’t know all the details about the Department of
Mysteries and Richard’s work, I’d never be able to forget that.”
Kingsley
sighed. “It just seems such a shame that the maze destroyed the life you were
going to have.”
Harry
blinked. “Of course it’s not,” he said, wondering why he was the only one in
the whole world—other than maybe Agarwal—who seemed to understand this. “I have
Draco.”
*
Harry
gasped and threw his head back. Draco was using his lips on Harry’s nipples,
and oh, this was much better than
Harry had ever thought it would be. He backed up a step and smashed into the
locked door of his room. With some support at last, he hooked a leg around
Draco’s thighs and dragged him in, pulling his mouth away from Harry’s chest to
kiss him ferociously.
Draco
kissed back, his eyes wide and shining, and his hand slipped down Harry’s body.
Harry anticipated the touch of it on his cock, but instead it detoured, sliding
around his hip and settling on his arse. Harry tensed a little, but another of
those wonderful kisses started, and he could lose himself to that—
Until Draco’s
finger pressed suggestively against the crease of his buttocks, and then he
tensed and barked, “Stop.”
Draco
pulled his hand away at once. He wore a look of understanding on his face, but
also a look of disappointment. Harry knew how he would have liked to go all the
way, get his fingers into Harry’s body.
At the
moment, he wished he didn’t have the
skill to read Draco’s face so well.
Harry
staggered over to the bed and sat down. Shuddering, he buried his head in his
hands. He knew the mood was utterly broken, and now he felt just slightly
ridiculous with his shirt off and his softening erection in his pants. But he
couldn’t help it; he still panicked at the notion of something going inside
him, or, for that matter, putting his cock up Draco’s arse. It was so—ugh. The
anus was the hole you shit out of,
for God’s sake.
And it was
still more than that. Harry was absolutely sure he wouldn’t be able to hold
back if he did bring himself to surrender to such a touch. It wasn’t the
pleasure he thought would overwhelm him, but the intimacy of it. He could hurt
Draco, pounding away like that. And though he didn’t believe Draco would hurt
him, he was sure Draco would be gently merciless if Harry let him inside his
body, and it—
He just
wasn’t sure he could bear it. What if he dissolved and cracked into pieces, and
never came back together again?
“Hey.”
Draco sat
down beside him, and put a hand on his shoulder, and there was no blame in his
touch. Harry leaned into it, releasing a shuddering sigh.
“I can
wait,” Draco whispered into his hair.
And Harry
tensed, then relaxed once more. Because the response was perfect. Draco was acknowledging that they had time, that he didn’t
expect miracles from Harry right away. But he wasn’t letting it go, either. He wanted
that much from Harry, so he would gently push him until they reached the goal.
And then
there would be a new goal to reach, and another new one beyond that. Because
they would never exactly heal, they would never exactly be well, but they could
get a little better and a little better and a little better.
Harry
leaned up and kissed Draco.
There are many victories still to come. And
I love him. God, how I love him.
And how he loves me.
I can believe in that, now.
*
Dezra: Not
a coincidence at all. He’s not stressed as much anymore, so he can concentrate
better on the magic.
Thrnbrooke:
Thanks for reviewing!
Hi-chan:
Aw, that’s cute. Thanks for telling me!
WeasleyWench:
Thank you! And yes, relations between Harry and Draco have definitely altered.
They’re not quite there yet, but then, they’ve accepted there’s not really a “there”
to get to.
GreenEyedCat:
Oh, Harry didn’t faint. He just came close to it. ;)
SoftObsidian74:
Thanks! I hope you like the way Harry handled Agarwal in this chapter, too.
LarienMiriel:
Thanks!
TimeFlys:
Well, Harry scaring Skeeter was probably better than resorting to violence, as
he did in this chapter.
Lilith:
Thanks! And, well, it was meant to be cute.
Mangacat:
Thank you!
Off_the_deep_end:
This is the second-to-last chapter. There will be an epilogue, and then the
story finishes.
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