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Nights of Gethsemane	By : starcrossedkayla Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 53273 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Luie, you'll just have to wait and see!

Lioncourt - thanks and here you go!

xAmbeh - emailed you. Let me know if you didn't get it!

I realise this is a bit of a cliffy itself and I hope to have the next one soon. This chapter might be upsetting to some people so please read it with care!

Harry opened his eyes slowly. He wasn�t sure what had awakened him, but he had been sleeping so peacefully. He stared up at the ceiling as he waited for his body to wake up. He felt a bit fuzzy, as if he had been deep asleep when he had been awakened. Finally, he had recovered himself enough to sit up. He did so slowly, blinking sleepily at Snape, who was sitting in Harry�s chair, watching Harry with an inscrutable expression on his face.

Snape stood and tapped the table with his wand. A breakfast feast appeared for Harry. It smelled so good and Harry wanted to immediately slide off the bed and gulp it down, but something wasn�t right.

�How�what�.?� Harry frowned as he struggled to remember how he ended up in his bed. �What happened?�

�Lucius tested you last night,� answered Snape evenly, standing by the side of the bed as still as a statue.

�And? Did I pass?� Harry couldn�t figure out why he had no memory of the night before. Was it so horrible that he had blocked it out?

�You did. Just barely,� Snape confirmed.

�Why don�t I remember it?� Harry asked, panic growing. Oh god, what had happened that was so horrible he couldn�t remember anything? Why was Snape in his cell, waiting for him to wake up? The Death Eater�s expression was completely neutral which made Harry�s heart leap up into his throat. He quickly checked himself over and found himself without a scratch. All his limbs worked perfectly. �Oh god, what did he do?�

�I took away your memory,� stated Snape as if he were reciting the weather forecast. �I will return it to you before the Dark Lord comes back here.�

�You took-� Harry stared at him, completely flabbergasted. �Give it back!�

�No,� said Snape firmly. �You need to focus on training and you will not be able to do so with that memory. Train for two days and then I will return it to you.�

�No! It�s my memory! You had no right to take it in the first place! Give it to me now!� Harry began to climb off the bed towards Snape.

Snape flicked his wand and a chain appeared between Harry�s right cuff and the bedpost nearest to him. �Calm down. You won�t train properly if you are-�

�LET ME GO!� Harry tugged ineffectually on his chain, using all his force to try and free himself. �You have no right!�

�You will do as I-�

�YOU�RE EVIL!� spat Harry as he violently yanked on his chain. Anger flowed hotly through him and he wanted to attack Snape. �WHAT OTHER MEMORIES HAVE YOU TAKEN? WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU DONE?!�

�Immobulus!� Snape stepped over.

Harry growled at him, helpless to do anything else. That bastard was always using his magic against him. He hated it.

�Listen to me,� Snape implored as if Harry had a choice. �I did this, because it was needed. You may not agree with it, but what I did was right. Once your memory is returned to you, you will concur with what I did.� Snape released him from Immobulus.

�Then return it to me now!� Harry insisted, glaring at him. �What else have you taken? Why don�t I remember being captured?�

�That memory was gone before you were brought to me,� Snape claimed. �You had been tortured for some time before I was informed that you had been caught. This was necessary-�

�No, it wasn�t!� Harry insisted. �You always say that as long as I have my mind I have control, but how can my mind be my own if you are fucking with it? How I can feel I have control when you do things like this!�

�I cannot have you broken. I will give you your memory back, but only when I am sure you are ready for it,� Snape said coolly.

�It�s not up to you to decide! They are my memories! THEY BELONG TO ME!� Harry shouted in frustration.

�Not until you are ready for them,� Snape insisted firmly, his eyes narrowed.

�NO! I am not doing anything until you return them to me!�

�If you wish to hinder your progress then I will not stand in your way. You will only be hurting your-�

�IF YOU ARE EVIL!� Harry launched himself at Snape who hit him in the chest with another Immobulus, knocking him back on the bed.

�CALM DOWN!� ordered Snape. �You will injure yourself and call the Dark Lord�s attention here. How will I explain it? Do you wish to be put through that again?� He released Harry.

�I don�t even know what �that� was!� Harry yelled back, angry with his helplessness to do anything against Snape. �I don�t trust you! How do I know you aren�t working for him? You�ve always-�

�I�ve always done exactly what needed to be done,� Snape interrupted. �What possible motive could I have for aligning myself with you other than the destruction of the Dark Lord? What do you have that I can�t just take?�

Harry knew it was true, but Snape�s words shredded him like razors. Snape was keeping him alive solely for his ability to destroy Voldemort. The Death Eater had no other reason to help him and he was helpless to stop Snape from using magic or potions to take his body, knowledge, or magic. He couldn�t even keep Snape from messing with his mind, even though he had mastered Occlumency. Harry fell back against the covers, the fight draining out of him as he felt more alone than ever.

�You needed me to do this,� Snape repeated in a calmer tone.

�Perhaps,� Harry finally acknowledged. �But you should�ve left that choice to me.�

�And how do you know that I didn�t?� Snape asked.

�Because I wouldn�t!�

�You don�t know-�

�I know!� Harry insisted stubbornly. �I wouldn�t have asked my memory to be taken away! I hate that! I hate that you did it!� He almost added, �I hate you,� but he couldn�t.

�I have no need for your approval.� Snape turned and strode through the bars. �I will return to train you after you have finished your breakfast.� He unchained Harry as he stepped through the library door.

Harry lay against the covers. A heavy weight pressed down on his chest that made it hard for him to breathe. He didn�t understand why he felt so hurt by Snape�s actions rather than just angry. It wasn�t as if Snape had pretended to be friendly towards him, or ever gave him any indication he was after anything but his own goals�.

Harry tried to pick through his muddled feelings. He had lately come to feel sort of� safe with Snape. He knew that Snape would hurt him, as was required of the Death Eater at times, but Harry also had come to trust him to be helpful, even gentle when he could. While he didn�t like it when Snape cast curses at him or insulted him, he had never feared him then, even when Snape blindfolded him and shot Avada Kedavras at his back.

After the incident with Avery, Snape had treated Harry more like an equal and Harry had believed that he had become one in Snape�s eyes. After all, if Snape was telling the truth and did intend to train Harry to defeat Voldemort, then Snape needed Harry just as much as Harry needed Snape. However, Snape had just shown that he didn�t think of Harry as an equal. He had used his magic against Harry, and it wasn�t the first time either. Harry thought back to when Snape had pointed his wand at him after the blowjob. He had known then what Snape was going to do although he couldn�t explain why. How long had Snape been taking his memories away? What else had he hidden from Harry? Harry just couldn�t believe him anymore. He couldn�t trust him. He had always known that Snape had been using him but his chest ached as he thought of how coolly Snape had dismissed him moments before.

The owl, the delicious foods, the friendly banter during training sessions, the books, the nights in the cupboard, the hugs after sex� Were they all just manipulations that Snape used in order to pacify Harry? When Snape was being nice, he was usually stiff as if it were painful or difficult for him to be kind to Harry. Harry had always assumed his awkwardness was due to his lack of practice, but maybe Snape hated it. Did he think of it the same way as sex? Was being kind something he despised doing but felt compelled to do by fate and circumstance?

Harry looked over at the dishes on the table but he didn�t feel hungry. For a short while, he had been fooled into believing that he was something more than a tool. Wasn�t that what Snape had warned him of, long ago? He had said, �you will be a tool to be used and abused� and it had happened. Harry had known it. He had expected it all along. So why did it hurt so much? Why did his chest ache as if he had been training all day?

He had been so stupid to think he could be anything more. To Snape, he was just another pawn in a giant chess game. Harry had never felt so thoroughly powerless and he hated it. What do you have that I can�t just take? And it was true. As much as Harry hated to admit it, he had nothing left that was his own. Snape had already taken Harry�s body, used runes to remove his magic, and manipulated his mind. There was nothing he could do against Snape other than try to take his life and he had been denied even that. From the very beginning, Snape had been careful never to let anything sharp or otherwise dangerous near Harry.

He was so alone. He thought of Strix, and how she had looked at him with kindness. The pain in his chest grew sharp as if he had been stabbed and his lungs ached when he breathed. The first person he had seen in months who didn�t hate him and she had been a bloody owl. He missed Hermione. He missed Ron. He missed Ginny. He thought of all those he loved and of all those he had lost. Sirius would�ve told him to stay far away from Snape, to never trust him, and Sirius would�ve been right. Harry hoped Sirius couldn�t see him now. He would be so ashamed. And his parents. What would his parents think? It was too abhorrent to think about and Harry quickly pushed it away.

Snape had his revenge, didn�t he? The only child of his most hated enemy completely under his control. Did he think of James when he tortured Harry? Was that what he thought of when he went into �Death Eater mode� and had hands and a voice full of ice and hatred? He must enjoy it on some level. He had always been quick to compare Harry to James, and Harry had the feeling that Snape saw Harry as a young James. He had never denied that he enjoyed watching Harry suffer after all. He had only pointed out that he had good reasons for trying to make Harry�s life less miserable.

Snape strode back in. �You need to eat. Refusing to eat or train will do you no good.�

�Then force me,� Harry told him, not moving from his spot on the bed. �That�s what you�ll do anyway, isn�t it? Why pretend I have a choice in the matter?�

�You do,� Snape insisted. �I cannot force you to kill the Dark Lord. That is something you must choose freely.�

�Then stop controlling me! Stop destroying everything I have! Everyone I love! Stop being� stop playing these games with me. I know you hate me. I know you hate being nice to me. I know you want to kill me. I bet you�re happy now. Now that you have revenge against my father-�

Snape opened his mouth to speak but Harry cut him off. �Don�t try to deny it! I know how much you hate him!�

�Of course I hate him!� Snape broke in. �I hate him more than you can possibly know! However, I am not so foolish as to let my dislike for him overwhelm me and dictate my actions now. This is not about the past. This is about the future.� He stepped through the bars and approached Harry. �Listen to me. You passed. You passed but you were so� I wasn't sure if he had succeeded or not. You seem to think that I did it to be cruel or to take revenge but I did this to help you. You needed me to do this."

�Then let me see. Let me see and decide for myself if it was what I needed. I need to know. I won�t train. I won�t eat. I won�t do anything until you give me back my memories,� Harry resolutely declared.

Snape�s dark eyes remained fixed on Harry�s. After a pause, he agreed, �fine then.�

�And, so you don�t cheat,� Harry glowered at him, �if I do want the memory removed again, which I won�t, but if I do, then you must leave me my memory of agreeing to have it removed again.�

�Very well.� Snape removed his wand from his robes and pointed it between Harry�s eyes. He placed his other hand on Harry�s forehead and Harry felt his magic push inside his brain. It was a strange feeling, completely different from when Snape penetrated him physically. It hurt a bit, like a highly concentrated headache.

�Ah!� He grabbed Snape�s wrist as the pain became sharper. It felt as though Snape had stuck a red hot poker in his brain. �It hurts!� Snape�s fingers were digging into his scalp and he was chanting but the pain was so blinding Harry couldn�t focus on anything but how much he hurt. He screamed and just when he was about to tell Snape that he had changed his mind and that he didn�t want to remember anymore, there was the peculiar sensation of something breaking inside of his head.

And then, just like that, he remembered.

�Remember,� said Snape, his intense dark eyes meeting Harry�s. �No matter what happens in there; you must play your part. Promise me that.�

�No matter what happens.� Harry nodded in agreement and got on his hands and knees.

�Promise me,� Snape insisted.

�I promise.�

Snape opened the door and Harry followed him into the throne room. He crawled carefully across the marble floor, keeping his head down. He did not dare to look up and see who had decided to come to watch the show. Snape�s footsteps fell in measured treads beside him, not pausing when they reached the centre of the room where Harry was to remain. Harry pressed his head to the floor and placed his hands out in front of him, the right over the left. He remained there while he heard the main doors open and several people enter the room. He kept his eyes closed, but he somehow knew it was Malfoy.

�Such obedience already? It is far more interesting when they fight,� said a voice Harry did not recognise.

�He will no longer fight after today,� Malfoy promised, his voice making Harry�s heart fall to his stomach.

�I have already broken him.� Snape�s cold voice carried across the room.

�We shall see about that, Severus,� Malfoy challenged. �I rather think you spoil the brat.�

�Shall I give you a demonstration of his loyalty to me?� Snape answered back.

�That won�t be necessary now,� Voldemort�s high voice firmly quieted their argument. �Begin, Lucius.�

�Raise your head, slave.� Malfoy strode across the room towards him.

Harry raised his eyes and saw Malfoy standing before him with a cruel grin on his face. To his left behind him, a Death Eater Harry had never seen before clutched the arm of a trembling individual who wore a black bag over their head, a red jumper, and jeans. He was vaguely aware of the other Death Eaters in the room, at least twenty of them, but he couldn�t tear his eyes away from Malfoy and his captive.

Malfoy motioned with his fingers and the Death Eater approached, dragging the struggling individual by the arm. As they both came closer, Harry saw that the Muggle-dressed individual was a girl and she was barefoot with her hands bound behind her back. Her jeans were dirty and undone, almost falling off her hips. Her jumper had been sliced open from her left collarbone to her right sleeve, exposing a bare shoulder with a bright red gash. She was breathing hard, sobbing softly.

Malfoy�s smile curved higher. �I don�t suppose you�ve ever killed before, have you?�

Harry�s breath caught in his throat and his eyes flickered to the girl.

�Mastigo!� A searing line of pain tore across Harry�s back. �I asked you a question, slave!�

�N-no, sir,� Harry gasped out, quickly lowering his head to the floor.

�Mastigo! Look at me!�

Harry instantly lifted his head.

Malfoy carefully removed a long, thin, curved dagger from his robes. He tossed it towards Harry and it skittered across the floor, landing a short distance away from him.

�Pick it up!� Malfoy ordered and Harry immediately curved his fingers around the ivory handle, his eyes on Malfoy and the trembling girl.

�Let us see you kill, slave.� Malfoy�s smile turned even crueller than Harry had ever thought possible, and the girl gave a whimpering gasp.

No, he couldn�t do it. He couldn�t.

�Come here,� Malfoy ordered as he pushed the girl to her knees.

Not knowing what else to do, not knowing what he could do, Harry slowly crawled across the floor to her. He had promised Snape that he would play the perfect slave no matter what happened, but he couldn�t. He couldn�t kill an innocent person. �Then Voldemort will never die,� said a voice somewhere inside his head. �You must kill her.� He had to do this in order to convince the Death Eaters that he was completely cowed, but he just couldn�t. Even if Snape ordered him to kill her, he couldn�t. He paused when he was in striking distance, not knowing what to do.

Malfoy smiled at him and then ripped off the girl�s hood. The tear-filled eyes of Hermione stared back at him. Her lower lip was bloody and swollen and her neck was covered with bruises. Her hair was dishevelled and blood-soaked from a wound on her scalp above her right eyebrow.

Hermione. It was as if he had been thrown into the Artic Sea. He couldn�t breathe, he couldn�t think, he couldn�t do anything but stare at her, his best friend.

She tried to speak but something, Langlock perhaps, made her words gibberish. Her eyes darted to the knife and back to Harry�s face as tears poured down her cheeks. She tried to speak again and the noises she made were more like wails. Her cries mixed with another horrible sound that some part of Harry�s frozen brain recognised as Death Eater laughter.

�Make him rape her too,� someone suggested.

�And give him the chance to be a man?� another voice criticised. �Forget it.�

�Kill her.� Malfoy�s voice stabbed through Harry. He couldn�t think. He couldn�t do anything but watch Hermione cry.

�Kill her! Mastigo!�

The sharp stab of pain in his back unfroze him. �PLEASE!� Harry threw the knife to the side and himself at Malfoy�s feet. �I CAN�T! I�LL DO ANYTHING! ANYTHING! PLEASE DON�T HURT HER, PLEASE!�

Malfoy knelt and tenderly ran his fingers through Harry�s hair. They caressed his cheek as they slid down to curl under his chin and lift his head. �You�ll do anything?� he asked in a tender voice. For a moment, Harry had hope.

�Please?� Harry gasped, shaking as he begged. �I will. I�ll do anything you want. Anything you desire. I will. Please. Please.�

Malfoy�s smile was the most horrific thing Harry had ever seen. �And you will, my boy. Do anything.� His grip tightened on Harry�s chin so hard it hurt. �Anything I want you to, including this.� He released Harry and stood. �Now kill her.�

Harry lay on the floor and sobbed. He couldn�t. He couldn�t do this. He couldn�t kill Hermione. He�d die before he hurt her.

�Pathetic,� Macnair sneered.

�And to think they thought he could save them,� another one laughed. �Some saviour of the world!�

�Aww, look at poor baby Potter,� Bellatrix crooned. �Does he love his widdle Mudblood friend? So helpless, he is. Do you think tears will save her?�

�Go,� ordered Lucius. �Pick up the knife! Mastigo!�

�I can�t! I can�t!� He couldn�t kill her. He had to save her. How? A flash of inspiration hit him. He would pick up the knife and cut off his left hand. With his magic restored he�d be able to do something. What he�d do, he didn�t know but he had to try to save her. He didn�t care about himself or his own body but he had to save Hermione. Malfoy was still whipping him and he struggled to pull himself onto his knees to crawl across the room towards the knife.

�You said you would not physically hurt him, Lucius.� The whipping stopped as Snape stepped over, putting his boot on the blade of the knife. �If you can�t control him without violence then you can�t control him at all.�

Snape would help him. Snape would put a stop to this. Snape would help him save Hermione.

�You have him kill the girl then, Severus,� Malfoy drawled. �If you are so clever.�

Harry threw himself before Snape. �I can�t do this. I can�t. Please� I want to obey you. I want to do what you want. I really do. I�m trying. But I can�t. Not this. Give me something else to do and I will. I swear to you that I will-� He moved his fingers to grab the knife handle when Snape kicked his hand away.

�Shut up, you stupid boy. I did not give you permission to speak.� Langlock bound Harry�s tongue.

�Let him beg, Severus,� Bellatrix hissed. �Do you want to deny us all our fun? Do what you want with him on your own time. We want to watch him cry like a little baby.�

Snape ignored her. His foot remained firmly on the knife as he turned to Voldemort. �I thought you wanted him broken, not made into a killer. I have made him weak and helpless. See how desperately he wishes to serve us. If I had known you wished for him to have the strength to kill then you should have told me, and I would not have made him so spineless. If you wish for another Death Eater, then I can make you one, but he won�t be made like this.�

Harry clutched Snape�s robes, not daring to breathe or glance at Hermione who was still sobbing. Snape would help him save Hermione.

�No, that will be fine,� Voldemort answered. �I prefer him weak and helpless.�

�He has the strength to disobey our orders,� Malfoy challenged. �He is not broken.�

�He begs because he can not. Not because he will not,� Snape said firmly. �Did you not hear his words?�

�I agree with Severus,� a Death Eater chipped in. �He is broken.�

�Kill the girl, and let us go,� Voldemort ordered, sounding bored.

Harry tried to save Hermione, to protect her, but something bound him and held him firmly in place. He tried to grab Snape�s robes and raise his head to meet Snape�s eyes to tell him to stop them from killing her but he couldn�t move at all. He tried to scream at them to stop but Langlock still bound his tongue, and he was helpless to do anything but watch as Malfoy raised his wand. Hermione was sobbing too hard to even notice, tears pouring down her cheeks as her eyes darted among the Death Eaters on the dais.

�Yes!� Bellatrix cackled. �Kill her! Kill her for him, so he can see what we will do to all his mudblood and blood traitor friends! Oh, if only we could bring them all here so he could watch them die with nothing but tears to try to save them.�

Harry wanted to tear his eyes away but he couldn�t. He couldn�t do anything at all but stare at Hermione, who flickered her gaze onto Harry�s face, her eyes shining wet with tears. She opened her mouth to try to speak to Harry.

�Avada Kedavra!� Malfoy cast with a sneer, the green jet of light striking Hermione straight in the chest. Her eyes widened and then she fell to the side, her head hitting the marble of the throne room floor with a dull thud.

Hermione. Hermione. She lay without moving, her eyes open as if she were staring at some point beyond him.

�Oooh, poor Potter,� Bellatrix�s words were like needles in his skin. �Better luck next time, eh? Who will we have for next week? Maybe we will we have the time to torture them in front of you first. It�s a shame you weren�t there when we had our fun with her.�

Harry could do nothing but shake as he stared at Hermione�s body. Bored with the lack of response, Bellatrix walked off.

He had been helpless to save her. He should�ve been quicker. He should�ve cut off his arm as soon as he had the knife. He could�ve saved her life, but he didn�t. He let her die. Let his best friend die right in front of him. They were right. How could he be the saviour of the world when he couldn�t even save his best friend?

Why hadn�t Snape stopped them? Why hadn�t he allowed Harry to take back his magic? Snape released him from Langlock and when Harry opened his mouth to scream at him, Snape poured a vial down his throat and covered his mouth with his hand. Harry bit his fingers as hard as he could.

�Sleep now,� Snape ordered in an even voice, his face expressionless. Harry didn�t want to sleep. He wanted revenge. He wanted to tear off his arm and let his magic explode out of him and destroy everyone in the room. He wanted to kill. Kill them all. But he couldn�t. As he slid away into unconsciousness, Snape raised his wand and pointed it between Harry�s eyes. �Obliviate!�

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Nights of Gethsemane