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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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LOST AND DAMNED

When There's Reason to Resist

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They all remained confined to Grimmauld Place for the next few weeks. It was too dangerous to be out these days, everyone said. But Harry stayed entertained with his friends and his godfather and the visiting Order members. They were too busy to offer many lessons, but now and then Harry found himself being taken to Hogwarts to practice a few things when there was time. It was these renewed lessons that made Harry think of renewing lessons with Snape and he had to wonder why he hadn't considered it before.

His birthday was no grand affair, but Harry didn't mind much. There was much talk of recent deaths and how Florean Fortescue and Ollivander were gone. They had tea and cake and Harry opened a few good presents, including an owl from Draco with a bag full of Galleons and a note reading For whatever the bloody hell you want. I'll see what I can do about the thing you want the most. Harry just snorted at that and while he was hopeful that Draco could talk some sense into Snape, he highly doubted he would be getting that birthday wish (though he kept Snape in mind when he blew out his candles). The next day they got their booklists and Harry got the surprise of learning he had been made the Quidditch Captain of the Gryffindor team. That, at least, managed to brighten his somewhat gloomy mood.

That Saturday they were due to go shopping in Diagon Alley for the new school year. Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Sirius, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley piled up inside of a car sent by the Ministry that was roomier inside than it looked from the outside. As grateful as Harry was to be spending time with the people he cared about, it was sort of nice to get out of the house. Harry and Sirius were in great moods, though it became apparent midway through the trip that the smiles and laughter of the rest of their company was strained, either by reluctance to show happiness or guilt of being happy or even just sadness that Ron wasn't here with him, as he should be. It was enough to kill Harry's mood, though he and Sirius kept up their joking and talking, more for the sake of cheering everyone else up than anything else.

When they stopped outside of the Leaky Cauldron, Harry was pleasantly surprised to find Hagrid there, waiting to be their guard when Harry had been expecting a group of Aurors. Hagrid was much better company and he certainly felt more comfortable around the Hogwarts gamekeeper than he would anyone else. The group walked into the Leaky Cauldron and to Harry's surprise found the place completely empty, only with Tom the barman wiping down the bar. He looked up hopefully when they entered, but before he could speak, Hagrid said, "Jus' passin' through today, Tom, sure yeh understand, Hogwarts business, yeh know."

Tom nodded gloomily and Harry frowned, looking around the place again as they walked through the bar and out of the back, taking the entrance to Diagon Alley. The place Harry remembered from previous years was not much different than the Leaky Cauldron had been. The colorful, magical area that had awed Harry at the age of eleven was lost among many, large Ministry posters. Most of them were the security advice that Harry remembered from the Ministry pamphlets he had received earlier in the summer. Others held moving black and white photographs of Death Eaters known to be on the loose. A few windows were boarded up, particularly the shops of those men Harry recalled Bill and Mr. Weasley saying had gone missing or had been killed. There weren't many people in the streets and those who were were huddled in small groups and anxiously moving along. A group of harried looking girls moved past them, eying them suspiciously and one girl jumped when she accidentally bumped into Mr. Weasley, immediately bursting into tears. Her friends hugged her close and hurried along more quickly.

"I'd heard it was bad, but wow," Harry whispered, glancing at Hermione who nodded.

"Molly, it doesn't make sense for all of us to go to Madam Malkin's," Mr. Weasley was saying. "Why don't they go with Hagrid and we can go to Flourish and Blotts and get everyone's schoolbooks?"

"I don't know," Mrs. Weasley was saying. "Hagrid, do you think-"

"Don't fret, they'll be fine with me, Molly," Hagrid said soothingly. Mrs. Weasley didn't look too sure, but she eventually nodded. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Sirius scurried off to Flourish and Blotts while Harry, Hermione, and Ginny set off with Hagrid to Madam Malkin's. Hermione reached out to take his hand after walking for a few minutes and Harry gave it a gentle squeeze and sent her a small smile. Hagrid was too big to go in and agreed to stay guard outside. Almost immediately Harry found the two other people in the store…Draco Malfoy stood with Madam Malkin, muttering under his breath as he tried on a nice set of robes. Severus Snape stood a few feet away looking as bored as ever, though Harry could see a slightly visible change in the man's posture when those black eyes found him.

"Oh great," mumbled Ginny, seeming to notice them both.

"Let's try to be nice, Ginny…For Harry," Hermione encouraged. Harry shifted uncomfortably when he remembered he was holding Hermione's hand, mainly due to the way Snape's dark eyes trailed down to where they were joined. Hermione seemed to notice a moment later and she cleared her throat and pulled her hand away. Ginny shot them an odd look and Harry cleared his throat, as well.

"Ah, look who it is," Draco said loudly with a grin. "Not stalking me, are you?"

"Nah. You'd like the attention too much," Harry replied with a grin of his own. His pulse was speeding up a bit and Harry knew he had his opportunity. "You two can go look at robes. I need to go talk to Snape about something real quick," Harry said, moving away before Ginny could ask questions. Hermione just sent him a knowing and encouraging smile that Snape noticed and glowered at.

"Hey…Professor," Harry said, trying to hide away his nervousness.

"Potter," Snape said stiffly.

"H-" Harry began, but Snape quickly cut him off.

"Public, Potter? A bit risky, even for you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm not here to seduce you or anything. I just wanted to ask if we could continue my lessons this year."

"So you can plan your next seduction, no doubt," Snape said dryly.

"No, not really," Harry said with a frown. Snape was right, in some aspect. Harry did want to use these lessons to get closer to Snape and hopefully his constant presence would be enough to break through to the man. However, Harry had understood towards the end of last year the importance of his lessons, especially when Voldemort had gotten into his mind and planted a false vision that lead him and his friends to the Department of Mysteries and ultimately to Ron's death. The more Harry had considered the idea of renewing his lessons for personal reasons, the more he remembered why they had been so important in the first place. Part of him couldn't help imagining naughty things taking place in said lessons…He was still a teenager. And he was still in love with a man whose morals dictated that they could never work out. And while Harry would use any opportunity he could get to change things, there were some things, he realized, that had to be more important than everything else.

"Finally realizing just how disastrous your recklessness is? How your addiction to adventure can endanger others?" Snape said quietly, smoothly, voice both dangerous and seductive. Harry shivered, not sure what that voice was making him feel only knowing a painful sting at having the events at the Ministry thrown back into his face.

"Sort of," Harry admitted quietly. "Mostly just know that…that I need to try harder. Do better. You're the only one who can help me, sir. I was getting better towards the end, wasn't I?"

Snape was silent a moment, considering him with those dark eyes that seemed so mysterious at the moment. "You had shown some mild improvement."

Harry nodded. "Then it's not a total waste, then? I can still learn, can't I?"

"Regardless of your abilities to learn, Potter, you still seem to harbor your silly little crush…I really thought it would have gone away by now. Nevertheless-"

"I'm sure a crush would have gone away, but it's more than just a crush that I'm dealing with," Harry snapped through gritted teeth. "I love you, whether you believe it or not. But this isn't about that-" it was only partially a lie "Will you help me or not?"

"I was told the headmaster would be giving you lessons this year, Potter," Snape pointed out.

"I don't know what he's teaching me and it doesn't matter. I need all of the extra help I can get," Harry said, growing irritated easily. He knew Snape wasn't going to make anything easy on him, but that didn't make dealing with him any less aggravating.

Snape smirked. "We are at an agreement there, Potter."

Harry rolled his eyes and snorted. "Of course, always insulting my intelligence."

"Well deserved, I assure you," Snape replied. He just looked at Harry for a moment and with great hesitance said, "I shall consider your request, Potter."

"Thanks, sir," Harry said, almost surprised the man had agreed to think about it. Harry honestly wouldn't have put it past the man to make him beg and bother him throughout the first few weeks of school before giving any sort of agreement.

"You really should stop flirting with my godfather, Potter," Draco said, walking up behind him. Harry immediately felt his face heat up and he turned to glare at his friend. "I'm the one who need sit."

Harry snorted. "Your ego does not need more boosting, Draco."

"Sure it does," Draco replied, throwing out the charming smile he gave most of his Slytherin lady friends. "Even incredibly attractive specimen such as myself can become lonely and insecure without the right attention."

"And you thought I was an arrogant attention-seeker," Harry snorted to Snape and for a moment Harry could have sworn the man smiled in amusement.

"Yes, well, it works better on a Malfoy," Draco replied.

"Is that what they tell you?"

"Well it seemed to work on you. You kissed me, remember, Potter? Did I ever tell you that, Severus?"

Draco smiled innocently though the glimmer in his silvery eyes was mischievous. Harry tried to bite back a grin when he realized what Draco was doing. Snape seemed to know it, too, for her glared dangerously at Draco. "Are you done?"

"Not yet," Draco replied, as though nothing was wrong. "Perhaps I can spend some time with Harry and his girlfriends."

"I do not think that would be wise, Draco."

"Just a little bit won't hurt," Draco argued.

Snape turned his glare to Harry, as though he had something to do with it. Harry sent Draco a sharp look, feeling a bit panicked. It wasn't as though he had actually done anything and he definitely did not want Snape thinking so. Draco's eyes grew wide a bit and he chuckled. "Oh stop being so dramatic, Severus. It is perfectly normal for young men my age to enjoy the company of their peers."

Snape eyed him a while longer before straightening a bit. "Very well. You are to meet me at the bookstore in an hour and a half. Do not make me come looking for you, Draco," Snape warned, turning around and sweeping out of the store. Harry watched him go and frowned slightly, feeling a bit disappointed that Snape wasn't going to come with them. That seemed to have been Draco's intention, for he was frowning, too.

"Oh well…Maybe I will make him come looking for us," Draco considered with a chuckle, folding his robes over his arm.

They spent a half hour in Madam Malkin's for the others to get their robes. Harry didn't take too long getting his, but Hermione and Ginny were taking forever picking out their new ones, especially since Hermione was looking for dress robes. Harry stood back and talked with Draco, carefully avoiding sensitive topics for them both and instead focusing on Quidditch and Harry mentioning the new Defense teacher, Horace Slughorn. Draco seemed to know something about him, but he refused to tell and only said, "You'll see…It's a surprise."

Once they had their robes, they went outside to meet up with Hagrid and the returned Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Sirius, holding bags of their required books.

"Everyone all right?" said Mrs. Weasley. "Got your robes? Right then, we can just pop into the Apothecary and Eeylops on the way to Fred and George's-stick close now…Oh hello, Draco! I didn't see…Who are you here with?"

"My godfather's out tending to business so I thought I might accompany you while I wait for him," Draco replied.

Mr. Weasley and Sirius didn't seem too pleased about it and Mrs. Weasley and Hagrid looked mildly uncomfortable, but they allowed Draco to come without a word of it. Even Ginny seemed kinder and more relaxed around Draco than their chaperons. If Draco noticed, he paid it no mind, strutting around as easily and arrogantly as ever. They didn't take long in the Apothecary and Harry just grabbed some owl treats for Hedwig and Mrs. Weasley looked close to tears again as she picked up some for Ron's owl, Pig, that they had given to Ginny.

Draco still had about forty five minutes with them the time they headed to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, the joke shop run by Fred and George, and probably the part of this outing everyone had been looking forward to the most.

"We haven't really got too long," Mrs. Weasley said. "So we'll just have a quick look around and then back to the car. We must be close, that's number ninety-two…ninety-four…"

"Wow!" Ginny exclaimed, brown eyes growing wide and she stopped in her tracks.

In the midst of the dull and mostly deserted street was the twins' shop, hitting their eyes like a firework and easily attracting the attention of anyone nearby it. Even those normally anxious groups on the streets slowed down or completely stopped to stare at the windows. One of the windows was full of different things, brightly colored and all revolving or popping or flashing or bouncing or shrieking and Harry's eyes watered just looking at it. The window beside it was advertising something called U-NO-POO.

"They'll be murdered in their beds!" Mrs. Weasley whispered, horrified.

"This is brilliant," Harry said as he laughed, reading the sign.

"I think anyone wanting to kill them would be too distracted to do so," Draco offered as a solace, grinning as he looked over it all himself.

Harry and Draco led the way into the shop. It was so packed with customers, Harry could hardly see anything and could hardly think of a way of getting through the crowd. He stared around, looking up at what he could see of the boxes piled high to the ceiling. He noticed the Skiving Snackboxes that the twins had perfected during their last, unfinished year at Hogwarts. There were bins full of trick wands and boxes of quills that did various things.

"Merlin…I had no idea any Weasleys had such a flair for business," Draco muttered and Harry sent him a sharp look of warning and quickly looked back to the Weasleys. Only Ginny was giving him an odd look, but since she wasn't snapping at him or hexing him or anything, Harry didn't figure she had really heard what he had said exactly.

"Maybe not a good thing to say around Weasleys," Harry pointed out, not sure if he should be upset with Draco for his comment. The Weasleys were like family, but Harry had gotten so used to Draco's teasing ways, he wasn't sure if he had actually meant anything mean by it. At least Draco seemed truly impressed by the place and wasn't trying to pretend it was below him or anything.

"Probably," Draco agreed. "Maybe they'll forgive me if I spend enough Galleons."

"Looks like they're doing alright on that end," Harry commented. With this many customers, they would be pretty well off.

"One can never have too many Galleons," Draco said with a shrug.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley called out for the twins and went in search of their son while Hermione and Ginny linked arms and went one way. Draco and Harry pushed through the crowd in another direction, playing with the trick wands for a moment and play dueled with fake swords to see whose would turn into random objects first. The first Harry grabbed turned into a feather after a few minutes, allowing Draco to stick his sword under his arm, almost immediately turning into a rubber chicken. Draco immediately pulled the chicken back and gently slapped Harry across the face with it.

"Hey!"

"Oh don't be such a pussy, Potter. It's just a chicken," Draco said with a grin. He tossed the chicken back into the box and Harry tossed the feather back in, too, watching them turn back into swords after a few seconds. "So, what are your plans, Potter?"

"For?"

"Oh don't be dense," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "Severus, of course."

"Oh," Harry said, glancing around nervously. No one was paying them much attention, but Harry still felt a bit odd talking about matters like this in public. "Erm…I dunno, really. I asked him to resume my lessons, so maybe my forced presence might do something…Other than that, I haven't really figured much out…"

"Just don't' give up. Keep trying to snog him every chance you get…He's a man, I doubt he has that much self control, no matter how good he is," Draco suggested. "He'll give in eventually."

"Or he'll throw me out, hex me, take me out of his class, and refuse to see me ever again," Harry replied, even if the thought of basically throwing himself at Snape at every opportunity left a pleasant tingle trailing through his body.

"I'm sure you'll find ways to manage," Draco said with a grin. "Doesn't hurt to try, does it? You know you want to snog him senseless."

Harry tried to ignore the heat in his face. He wasn't really sure what to say to that. "Maybe," he mumbled, clearing his throat.

"No shame in that," Draco said. "Just remember, the naughtier you are, the harder it is to resist you."

"Not too sure that'll work on him, though…Will it?" Harry asked. The things he admired most about the man were probably the things that would make being with him the most impossible. He was strong and moral and stubborn…He wasn't a successful spy for no reason. He could hide things. Surely it wasn't that hard to resist a sixteen year old boy. Though…There had been those times last year…

"Well, it won't be as easy as it might with any normal man, but I have every faith in you, Potter," Draco assured him. "I mean, you got the man to fall in love with you…The hardest part is over with! At least, I assume that's the hardest part…"

They pushed through the crowds a bit longer before running into Ginny and Hermione near the front, looking at Pygmy Puffs. Hermione was cupping a pale purple ball of fluff in her hand while Ginny held one of a shocking pink color. It was mostly girls surrounding the cage, oohing and ahhing over their cuteness.

"You know…I don't think I ever gave them enough credit," Hermione said, turning and looking pointedly around the store. "A lot of this stuff is really quite brilliant."

Hermione told Harry all about some interesting things she and Ginny had found. Daydream charms, love potions, beauty products, robes that turned invisible when you wore it (and your clothes, leaving only your underwear visible) and some that even made the underwear disappear. When he could get a word in he discussed his dueling with Draco and the various products they had come across.

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed a voice a few minutes later and everyone whipped around to the middle aged man wearing the Invisibility Robe…Luckily this one at least left his underwear showing, though it was still not a pleasant view. He wore saggy, dirty boxers and had a very hairy chest that looked strange compared to hairless arms and legs. The man began trying to rip off the robes while scandalized mothers covered the eyes of their children and teenagers roared with laughter. The man's wife tried to bite back her giggles when she tried to help him out of it.

Harry was so overcome with laughter he hardly noticed anything for a minute, but finally as his laughter started to subside, he saw a familiar face pass by the window the man stood near. Harry raised his eyebrows and looked around. When had Draco left? "Hey, did Draco say anything about leaving?"

"What?" Hermione asked, looking horrified for the poor man, instead of amused. "Oh…No. I didn't even see him move," she said, looking around.

Curious, Harry moved through the crowd and stepped outside. He watched Draco head in a familiar direction alone, head ducked down, shoving right by people. Was he okay? Where was he eve going? Why hadn't he said anything? Feeling that something was very, very wrong, Harry began jogging after him. He slowed down a bit when he saw Draco turn onto Knockturn Alley, eyebrows furrowed together. Why would he be going there? He had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had to figure out what was wrong.

As he made to turn into the street, he was suddenly slammed into the wall of a building beside him, his face pressed hard into the bricks. "Where do you think you're going, Potter?"

Harry relaxed a bit when he heard Snape's voice and turned his head a bit to look at the man. "I was worried about Draco and I saw him come down this way," Harry replied honestly, struggling a bit to turn himself around to face Snape. "Why does it matter to you?"

"This is not a place for children," Snape replied, glancing warily down the alley.

"You better go get Draco then," Harry snapped, narrowing his eyes at the man. He hated when Snape called him a child…He knew why Snape was doing it, too. To remind Harry of how young he was, one of many reasons it could never work between them, and whatever else there was.

"Better go find your dogfather," Snape said, letting go of him and stepping back.

Glaring at him, Harry turned to move back down Knockturn Alley, only to be shoved into the wall again. Frustration and concern were clear in his black eyes. "Must you always be such a stubborn brat?"

"Yes…But that's only because you're such a stubborn git," Harry replied.

"You will need to learn to respect your elders, Potter. Especially if you want me to resume your lessons. I will not be doing you any favors or spending any unnecessary time with you if you continue your insolence," Snape snarled.

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but reluctantly forced himself to shut it after a moment. He did need his lessons to resume and didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. Swallowing hard, Harry glanced down Knockturn Alley again, wondering if he could spot Draco. Harry pulled away from Snape and tried to head down that direction again. "No offense, sir, but we're not in school yet. You're not my guardian. I-" he began, but found himself shoved into the wall again, this time held paralyzed by the feel of warm lips pressed against his.

Snape was kissing him!

Thin, dry, warm lips moved slowly against his, kissing him deeply as the strong man held him against the wall. Harry couldn't think…Couldn't do much of anything at all for a moment before he finally made his lips move to kiss him back. He pulled his arms out of Snape's grasp and wrapped them around the man, holding him close and kissing him back desperately. His heart felt swollen and strange, thudding hard and fast and uncomfortable within his chest. Liquid heat pooled into his stomach, spreading out and warming the rest of his body.

The rest of the world disappeared. He wasn't aware of anyone or anything other than himself and Snape and it was a wonderful moment. After a while, Snape's mouth moved to his neck, using his tongue and mouth skillfully, trailing licks and kisses and nips along his skin in a way that had him gripping the man tightly for support and moaning quietly. "Think of this…" the man whispered against his skin, "as your first lesson of the year." His hands were moving now, too, over his chest and his inner thighs, cupping the area around his erection and Harry's knees gave out entirely at the feeling. He wanted to say something, to beg the man to touch him, but all he could do was moan as Snape went on. "Never…ever…let…yourself…become…distracted," he murmured, punctuating each word with a new lick or kiss, ending it by slowly trailing his tongue along Harry's ear…

And then he was gone.

Harry blinked rapidly and had to hold onto the wall as he nearly fell down onto his bum. It took several seconds to register what had just happened and another few to think of what Snape had meant. Harry frowned and glared in the direction Snape had disappeared off to. Just trying to distract him, huh? Harry felt sick as he thought about what had happened and hit his head back against the brick wall. He felt a bit embarrassed for how easy he had been for Snape to manipulate like that, how easily he gave in to the man's touch…

"HARRY!"

There wasn't much time to think about it when he heard Sirius and Hermione calling his name. Clearing his throat and straightening his clothes, Harry walked back out onto the street.

"Harry! Where have you been? We've been worried!" Hermione exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

"Erm…Sorry, Draco left something in the shop so I went to go give it to him," Harry lied.

"Try to let one of us know where you're going next time, alright, Harry?" Sirius said gently.

"Of course. Sorry," Harry replied, glancing back over his shoulder towards Knockturn Alley as Sirius and Hermione led him back towards the group.

More important than Snape being an arse, was what it all meant. Snape was helping Draco hide something and Draco had a secret on Knockturn Alley. It disturbed him and Harry knew that it was something he was going to have to figure out sooner or later…Hopefully sooner rather than later.

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Author's Note:

Chapter title lyrics from "Snow" by Kamelot
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Lost and Damned