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Snape's Story	By : tbird1965 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 33391 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 9
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. Complete. Het, solo, oral.

Chapter List
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I am so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I've had laptop issues and car issues galore. Plus this story has decided to take an unexpected turn on me. It's throwing me for a loop, but who am I to argue with the muse? So here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think.

Horrified screams filled his head as he leaned retching and choking over the toilet.

"Please don't hurt me. Please, oh God, I'll do anything you want, just please don't hurt me. Oh Gooooood! Noooooo!"

He became vaguely aware of firm hands touching his back, helping to ease him to the floor, his back pressed against the wall. From a distance he could hear a voice ordering him to drink and the taste of a potion filled his mouth. Swallowing reflexively, he felt the familiar feeling as the calming drought hit his stomach, bringing him back to the present. The desperate screaming faded, but the memory remained behind, making his chest ache and his stomach clench with nausea. Covering his face with his hands, he struggled to hold back the sobs that wracked his body. Gentle fingers touched his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face and a soft voice whispered in his ear. "Shhhh. Shhhh. I've got you. I'm so sorry." He buried his face against her neck and cried; hot tears streaming down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking with each gasping sob. He could feel her hands, stroking his hair and his back, and he wanted to tell her to 'Stop. Go away. Don't look at me like this.' But he couldn't. Instead he clung to her, unable to stop weeping.

She had found him in her bathroom, his already pale face white as he dry heaved over the toilet. She'd been confused, at first, when he had bolted from the room, leaving her gripping the ladder, but then realization dawned on her and she cursed herself for her naivete and her short sightedness. Grabbing a bottle of calming drought, she hurried to his side and dropped to her knees beside him. Rubbing his back, she gently pulled him away from the toilet and eased him into a sitting position. His eyes were wide and frightened as he leaned back against the bathroom wall, but he allowed her to pour the potion into his mouth. Her heart broke as tears welled up in his eyes and he covered his face, loud sobs shaking his whole body. Pulling his hands from his face, she wrapped her arms around him and held him to her as he cried.

Her knees throbbed painfully on the cold tile floor, but still he wept, clinging to her as if his life depended on it. Whispering softly into his hair, she did her best to comfort him and ease his torment. Her feet had gone completely numb when he took a hitching breath and relaxed heavily against her. She continued to stroke his hair and rub his back, until he released his hold against her and sagged back against the wall, swiping a hand across his wet face.

"Do you think you can stand?" She whispered, moving her legs and wiggling her feet, wincing as they prickled painfully. He nodded and pushed himself slowly to his feet, moving to lean heavily on the sink. Ignoring the 'asleep' feeling in her own limbs, Hermione rose and reached around him, turning on the cold water and handing him a flannel. She rubbed small circles on his back as he washed his face and reached out a shaky hand for his toothbrush. She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a dreamless sleep potion while he brushed his teeth.

"Come on." She said, taking his hand and leading him down the hall to her bedroom. He undressed silently and pulled back the covers on her bed. He accepted the vial of dreamless sleep from her and swallowed it down in one drink, setting the empty bottle on her nightstand before pulling the covers up over his chest. His eyelids were already growing heavy when she joined him in the bed, resting her head on his chest.

"I am so sorry Severus." She whispered into his chest. "I didn't mean..."

"I know." He said, hugging her tightly to him, his voice sounding sluggish. His breathing deepened and grew heavy as he drifted off to sleep.

Light streamed through Hermione's sheer bedroom curtains when Severus opened his eyes the next morning. She was still asleep, curled into a ball next to him, her bum pressed warmly against his side. He stretched his arms over his head, marveling at how well rested he felt. There had been no nightmares to pull him from his sleep. He frowned. When had the last time been that he'd sleep all the way through the night, nightmare free? Two months? Since he and Hermione had started seeing each other. Since he'd stopped drinking. The memory of the last evening's events came crashing down on him. The horrible feeling when his cock pierced the thin barrier of flesh and was surrounded with the hot wetness of blood. Virgin blood. He shivered and ran his hand down his face. He had lost it. Lost it and cried in front of her. And not just a few tears; huge, gut wrenching sobs, clinging to her like a baby still in his nappy. So bad she had given him a dreamless sleep potion. Waves of humiliation flooded through him. He had to leave, get away. Glancing down at the sleeping Witch next him he tossed back the duvet and moved to rise.

"Where are you going?" She mumbled sleepily. "You're not trying to sneak out are you?" She turned her sleep tossed head to gaze up at him.

"No." He whispered, clearing his throat. "Just going to the loo."

"Hurry back." She muttered, letting her head fall back onto the pillow.

He nodded his head and padded across the floor to the bathroom. When he had finished using the toilet, he stood silently at the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. 'I shouldn't be here.' He thought, shaking his head ruefully. 'I shouldn't be here with her, not after the horrible things I've done. It's not right. Not right at all.'

"Severus?" Her voice called out from the other room, breaking into his thoughts, making his heart ache with longing for her. "Are you all right?" She asked as he stepped from the bathroom. He paused in the doorway and let his eyes drink in the sight of her sitting there naked in bed, the sheet bunched around her waist, her hair sticking up on one side, her naked breasts beckoning to him.

"Mmm hmm." He grunted, nodding his head.

"Then come back to bed."

Sighing, he closed the distance and lowered himself into still warm bed. She threw her arm across his chest and pressed her face against his neck. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, her lips brushing against his flesh. "I only thought...I was just...I just thought we both had such bad first time experiences and I was visiting with George and Luna and he had the Virgin Again thing and I thought maybe it would be fun and exciting...I didn't think. I wanted to surprise you. I never meant to upset you."

"I know." He muttered, running his fingertips along her spine. "It's not your fault. It's me. It's all me." He released a heavy sigh. "You shouldn't be with me. You deserve better." He felt her whole body tense as she slowly raised her head to stare up at him, her eyes were wide and filled with fear.

"So is that it then?" She asked, her voice tight. "Are you dumping me?"

"What? No." His said, his eyebrows raising high on his forehead. "What I'm saying is you should dump me. I'm no good for you. I'm too damaged, too broken to be any good for anyone. You deserve so much better then me. You deserve someone whole, someone without so many secrets."

"They are only secrets because you won't tell me."

"I can't tell you." He groaned.

"Won't." She glared down at him. "You are only as sick as your secrets. Really Severus, don't you trust me?"

"I can't." He growled, his eyes flashing with sudden anger. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"But Severus..."

"No." He roared, twisting his body away from her and sitting up on the edge of the bed. "I said I don't want to talk about it. Stop pressuring me." He stood and grabbed for this clothing on her bedroom floor.

"Severus." Her voice soft and pleading called out to him, he froze, his back still to her. "I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about anything, just please don't go."

The panic in her chest eased as he dropped his clothes back to the floor and turned back towards the bed. Lifting up the covers, she watched as he slowly lowered himself onto the bed and turned towards her, his expression wary. Wiggling towards him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face to his warm chest. Relief coursed through her when he hugged her back, his fingertips running up the bare skin of her back. "I am sorry." She said, looking up into his eyes. "Will you ever want to make love to me again."

"Of course I will." He whispered, pressing a tender lips to her up turned lips. "Just...no more surprises. Please."

"No more surprises." She agreed, pressing her lips firmly to his. "I promise."
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