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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 32
- 33
- 34
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

With help from Lynn who works with me when it comes to flow, continuity and other issues.

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 33:

And You Thought The Ferrets Were Bad!

On the trip out of the house the following day, Sirius learned that he was getting used to dealing with Malfoy. In fact, some bits were rather hilarious. While all of them had been apprehensive about this foray, it wasn't so bad. They had gone out to a nice lunch then Harry had picked playing laser tag for them to do. Of course, they were dubious about that as none of them knew what it was, but it had been a riot. Even Snape had seemed to like the idea of 'killing' them.
They had actually spent a couple hours doing that. By the time they were done, they were tired, but in a decent mood. Even Snape was not as dour as usual, though Sirius was sure that had to do with the fact that he won most of the games. His ability at dueling had come into play there, thus making him plenty accurate. It was funny as Malfoy seemed as though he was the main target, probably as revenge for some of what had gone on. Well, that and it was hilarious when he died as he got all huffy. Either way, it was fun.
After the game, they were plenty tired so they were just going to stop at a pet store in the Alley and get Lucius a cat, as promised. As Lucius went towards the back where the cats were, he and Harry were up by the front where they had some costume type things for pets. Harry had seen a pair of bat wings he thought would look great on Vlad. Looking them over, he had to chuckle as he felt the same way. So, they were going to get those as well.
Snape and Remus were just wandering around, looking. That had him chuckling as Snape, despite his intelligence, seemed to have bought into Lucius' deranged theory about the Lethifold infestation, so he was looking for something to help, as the creatures weren't common anywhere but the tropics. Remus, of course, was trying to reason with him, explaining just what went on and the why behind the blankets going 'rabid', but Snape seemed as though he was taking the better safe than sorry stance on it. Since he found that to be a complete riot, he was going to let Remus sort it accordingly and deal from there.
After paying for the bat wings and a little tux for Vlad, something he thought would go great with the cape the Puffskein had, they were now just waiting on Lucius. He was also trying not to chuckle at the look of complete exasperation on Remus' face. It appeared that the Lethifold hunt would continue when they got home.
“Well, at least Lucius is getting something normal this time,” Remus said softly, glancing at the back of the store where the man was trying to find just the right cat. “No more ferrets is a good thing, though!”
“We're far better shut of those rodents,” Severus admitted, folding his arms over his chest, shaking his head. However, he was pleased that they didn't have to deal with anymore shenanigans from the damned duo. That could only improve life as far as he was concerned. Well, that and lessen the insanity factor in the house.
Tucking the small bag he had in his pocket, Harry's brow furrowed at that. Quietly, he said, “Out of the house is good, of course, which means we don't have to deal with them there. You two, though—I mean with the bond and how you're tied to the one that you gave them to, doesn't that mean you'll have to put up with them again?”
At that, as he hadn't thought of it either, and the look of dawning horror on Remus and Snape's faces, Sirius about died laughing. Shoulders shaking, he muttered, voice uneven, “I don't think any of us thought of that, Harry, but it's true.”
Stammering, eyes wide at what he and Severus had invoked on themselves, Remus asked, voice squeaky, “Severus, what are the odds on us getting him to give those creatures up?”
“Slim and none,” Severus deadpanned, pinching the bridge of his nose. Running the mantra of 'find your happy place' repeatedly through his mind to calm himself so he could think, he groused, “Give me time. I'll come up with something.”
“We need to do something, now, before he gets too attached,” Remus stuttered, trying to think, though coming up with nothing at the moment. Oh, bloody hell, what had they done?
“He's already attached,” Severus told him, slumping. “So, we need to go for damage control and hope they don't end up spoiled like that deranged serpent of his!” Think—he needed to think!
Shoulders shaking harder at the panic he was seeing, Sirius shook his head, not sure what to say.
Glaring at Black, and his amusement over the situation, Severus was about to snarl when he heard what could only be termed a vicious tiger-like growl from the back of the store then Lucius, who sounded completely smitten, say, “Oh, yes, he's the one I'll take.” Sadistic glee washing over him, he said, tone smooth, “I think Lucius has found his next deranged pet.” This would be wonderful revenge and he would love watching it play out.
Head whipping in the direction of Lucius' voice and the sound of the cat, Sirius felt the hair on the back of his neck go up. Stomach clenching, he grabbed the now moaning Harry and dragged him in that direction. If what he thought was going on was happening, he was putting a stop to it. Oh no, no more strange and psychotic animals were being brought into that house.
Pulling up, Sirius groaned. Oh, Lucius was holding a cat alright and had a face covered in scratches. The beast was huge, bigger than a cocker spaniel, with a mass of grey and silver hair, something like a Persian had. It didn't have the squished in face like Crookshanks, but what was there was a wide-eyed, malevolent glare, the yellow eyes seeming as though they were almost glowing from hatred. This boded nothing good. Hearing the cat growl at him, something that made his hair stand further on end, he glared at the beast, who was glaring back, teeth bared at him. That evil beast was not coming home with them!
“Malfoy, this isn't a good choice,” Sirius told him, eyes locked on that cat that was now giving a deadly hiss, fur puffing up as it started to flail to get loose. He was sure the beast was trying so it could come after him with the intent of disembowelment.
Beaming happily, holding the cat, trying to stroke its fur while it squirmed, Lucius told him, “Beelzebub is fine. He'll calm down once he gets used to us. Nothing to worry about, Black. He'll make a fine addition to our house. Yes, we'll take him. It just might be a while before he calms. You know animals get distressed when upset. Nothing to worry about. I've already paid for him and the elves have everything he needs at home. All we need to do is get him in his carrier, then we can go.”
Hiding behind Sirius, peering over his shoulder at the demon cat, Harry muttered, “He's named after Lucifer himself. This does not inspire good feelings, Sirius. I'm sure that name is very fitting when it comes to his personality.”
“So am I,” Sirius groaned, keeping an eye on the beast as the obviously terrified clerk tried to help get the once more snarling, flailing cat into a carrier for transportation. He thought they should probably use stunning spells himself, but stayed out of it, not wanting to feel those knife-like claws rake into him.
Once the cat was in the carrier, having a fit of some kind, Lucius proudly carried it out front, after healing the slash marks on his face. Glaring at the obviously relieved clerk, Sirius snarled, “That was evil, you know that right?”
Looking smug, the young woman said, “We're now shut of the completely crazy cat and he's your problem. Good luck with that. Oh, and as a suggestion? You might want to bone up on stunning spells if you don't want torn to shreds.” Then she turned on her heel and headed towards the back.
Looking up at the ceiling, groaning, Sirius shook his head. This—he was sure it would end up plenty bad.
“We should have picked the cat out,” Harry moaned, looking over his shoulder at the front of the store where Lucius was cooing to the cat in the carrier, that was acting like the Tasmanian Devil from the Bugs Bunny cartoons, just going completely mental. In fact, Remus and Snape had backed as far away as possible from the shuddering and shaking carrier. “And we better hope that carrier holds up until we get home, or I bet we're all in for a world of hurt.”
“I'll fortify it,” Sirius assured him, heading towards the front of the store, fully planning to leave without that cat, kicking himself for not thinking about just grabbing a cat for the mental Malfoy patriarch. He should have known Lucius wouldn't pick out something normal. Muttering to Harry, who was trailing along, he added, “And we're making a padded room for that insane cat.”
Clutching onto Sirius, trailing along, Harry said, “That cat—it needs to stay here, Sirius. I think I would rather have the ferrets than the cat!”
“It's staying if I have anything to do with it,” Sirius told him, stalking the direction of Malfoy and the demon cat. Now he just had to figure out how in the hell he would manage this one!

Sitting at the table with Harry, who had Vlad with the bat wings on him, perched on his shoulder, Sirius had his head in his hands. Despite everything he tried, the cat had come home with them. The clerk at the counter had pointed to an all sales are final sign on the wall, something he was damned sure they had conjured when it looked like they might be shut of the beast, so they were stuck with the demon cat. He doubted they could have gotten that carrier away from Lucius anyway as he was completely taken with the mental creature.
He had tried everything, he really had. Harry had actually resorted to begging by that point. Nadda. The cat was theirs, much to his horror. So, in an effort to try to cut down on bleeding, he mentioned getting the cat neutered. It turned out the cat already was. From what the desk clerk said, the cat was worse before they did that. Bloody wonderful!
Lifting his head when the door opened, he watched Remus and Snape back in slowly. Both looked like they had been in an all out battle, being scratched up and had bloody splotches all over their clothes. Snape was actually clinging to Remus' back, wand out, but his hand was trembling. Remus had a chair in front of him and had his wand out as well. To his eyes, the two looked like they were some kind of deranged lion tamers who had lost a battle with the one that they were working with.
Eyes locked on the two until they were at the back wall of the kitchen, he asked, tone containing plenty of exasperation, “The cat?”
“Oh yes,” Remus said, eyes locked on the door. “It seems to take exception to everything, even bits like you passing by it with three feet of space between you. That's what brought on the wounds. It yowled like we had stepped on it or something, then went on a full out attack.”
“That cat—it's not normal. I get there is kneazle in it, like most of ours have some, but this goes beyond that. I'm sure there is demon blood in there as well,” Snape told him, the trembling in his wand hand finally lessening. “When it attacks, it's like this furry tornado going all around you, yowling and snarling. That is not normal for any cat I've ever seen.”
“Nothing Malfoy picked was going to be normal,” Sirius groused, eying the door as he could hear the cat going batshite somewhere close by, it's yowling and snarling seeming to increase in volume. “That we all forgot.”
“We did and we're now all going to pay for that lapse,” Snape admitted. Easing out from behind Lupin, he took a seat at the table and summoned some tea. Though he was desperately craving firewhiskey to flavor it, he didn't go there. No, he needed to stay alert with reflexes as honed as he could get them. Unlike the ferrets, who just caused chaos, this involved serious injuries as he was sure the cat was going for painfully killing them.
Putting the chair down, though he kept glancing at the door, Remus took a seat by Severus. After healing both their injuries, he summoned tea for himself and sipped at it, hoping to calm his nerves and the slight tremors in his hands that hadn't dissipated yet. “I do believe we need to find a solution for this, such as somewhere to put the cat where it can calm down when it's stressed.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of an exorcism,” Severus snorted, looking sour, sipping his tea.
“Where is the cat now and what's it doing, do you know?” Sirius asked, glancing at the door again. The sounds were still there and growing louder, but they didn't seem as though they were moving in their direction. However, he was leaning in Snape's direction as a solution.
“Last we saw Lucius was trying to calm it down and reason with it,” Severus sneered, shaking his head. “That was going about as well as talking calmly with a shark in a feeding frenzy and trying to coax it into not eating you would.”
Sighing, not sure what to do about this mess, Sirius was about to ask if they had any more suggestions, when the yowling grew louder then the door to the kitchen flew open. Suddenly, the cat appeared in the chair Lucius always sat in, hissing and snarling at all of them, yellow eyes wide, a deranged tinge to them.
Jumping, then glaring at the demonic beast, Sirius leveled his wand at it, hoping that held the cat off. Looking around, he saw that the others at the table did the same thing. Not sure what to do beyond that, he glared back at the cat and hissed, “Don't even think about it!” He was stopped from having to defend himself by the cat being distracted when the door opened and Lucius come in. Though he shouldn't find it funny, the fact that Malfoy seemed to have visible claw marks over almost every bit of exposed flesh was rather amusing. Shaking his head, he said, “The cat needs put in a room somewhere until it calms down.” He tried not to snort in laughter when Harry muttered, 'like that will ever happen'.
“It's fine, nothing to worry about, Black,” Lucius assured him with a wave of his hand. “Bubby is just a little stressed by the new environment. He'll calm shortly.” Walking over to the cat, he reached out to pet him when the animal turned on him and gave a deadly hiss, glaring at him. Retracting his hand so fast he about slapped himself in the face, Lucius backed away. “Yes, he's stressed. A day or so and he'll calm down.” Looking at his chair then to the cat that was glaring at him, growling, he said, “Yes, well, I think it's best to let him stay there. I'll take a seat at the other end of the table.” Then he swept down to the opposite end and planted himself. The first thing he did was tend to his wounds.
Looking at the cat, seeing it was directing that evil gaze towards Lucius, Sirius shook his head. “Malfoy, we need to find a room for him so he can be alone to calm. Well, calm as much as he can anyway as I'm damned sure he won't fully do that, ever.” Sirius sighed, planning to have Kreacher tend to that and pad it nicely then make it to where the cat couldn't get out. Let it go apeshite alone. As long as they weren't involved, they would be fine.
“No, he needs to get used to all of us,” Lucius told him once he healed everything and took a glass of wine from an elf who was shooting terrified glances at the cat perched at the head of the table.
“Lucius,” Severus said, huffing. “The creature is overly stressed. It needs time to calm down.” While he was sure that factored in, the demonic blood he was dead on certain the cat contained would probably make it to where 'calm' wasn't ever happening.
“It'll be fine,” Lucius told him with a dismissive wave. “I've got a special area set aside for him in my room. I'll take him up there when he settles slightly. Once he's calmed down, I'll put his harness on him then take him outside for a while. The fresh air will do him good.”
“I would pay good money to see Lucius try to get a harness on that cat,” Harry muttered to Sirius. “Well, as long as I get to watch from behind a shield, that is.”
Shoulders shaking, Sirius grinned a bit, lowering his head to where he was looking at the table. “Same here. We just better be prepared to take him to St. Mungos after he gives that a shot. I'm sure what's coming from that is going to need more than simple healing charms to tend to it.”
Watching an obviously petrified elf slide a bowl of kibble in front of the cat then vanish as the cat swatted it off the table, Harry shook his head. “This is—I never thought I'd say it, but I think I want the ferrets back.”
Rubbing a hand over his face as the beast began to howl after it swatted another bowl of food off the table after an elf gave it another go, Sirius sighed then agreed, “So do I. At least they weren't looking to kill you.”
Cooing at the cat at the other end of the table, talking to him softly, Lucius ignored the hissing, snarling and growling coming from the beast. When he finished and the cat was taking a drink from a bowl of fresh cream an elf put in front of it, he looked at Severus and said, “I think I have a spell to detect the Lethifold. So, I say the two of us start at the top of the house and work our way down. If we do this methodically, the beast can't hide from us. We need it out of here, post haste, before one of us falls victim to it.”
Eyes leaving the cat, who was finally occupied with something besides plotting how to gut all of them in their sleep, Severus turned his attention to Lucius. Nodding, he said, voice having a determined thread in it, “We'll do that. We need to check anywhere that old clothes are stored. The attic comes to mind there. The same with where the linens are stored. We should have it eradicated before the day is out.”
Hearing the chuckling Sirius once more try to tell him that it wasn't anything to worry about, Lucius waved a dismissive hand. “Nothing to worry about, Black. Severus and I will handle the Lethifold situation. It's just trying to lull you into a false sense of security by convincing you that it's something else, nothing more than that. Just relax and get to know Bubby.”
Rolling his eyes, figuring there was no dissuading Lucius from this, Sirius just sighed and shook his head. Oh well, it would keep the two of them out of their hair for a while.
“Let's get on it,” Severus said, downing the last of his tea. Standing, he tried sweeping out like he always did, but was stopped by a deadly snarl from the cat at the head of the table. Shooting the cat one of his best death glares, the one he used to reduce students to quivering, blubbering masses, though it had no effect whatsoever on the cat, he then edged around the cat, making sure to stay well beyond the reach of those steak knife-like claws, then left the room, beckoning Lucius to follow.
Finishing the last of his wine, Lucius stood then assured those around the table, “Never fear, the house will be Lethifold free before the day is out!” Following Severus, he stopped at the head of the table and cooed, “Bubby is a good boy, isn't he? Yes he is!” However, he jumped back quickly when the cat growled and took a swipe at him. “A spirited lad, yes he is. Good! The pests around here don't stand a chance.” Then he swept out after Severus, planning to stamp out the budding infestation with a quickness! No, he didn't want to wake up at death's door ever again.
Shaking his head at the two, Sirius looked at Remus, who had an amused expression on his face. “Let them have at it. We aren't going to manage to convince them of anything at this point as they're sure that's what it is.” Glancing at the cat, who was glaring around the table at them, he sighed then said, “I vote we go sit outside. The cat can't get out there, at least we hope not. Let those two handle him for now.”
“Good plan, Sirius,” Remus said, smiling. Standing, he edged his way to the door, making sure to stay out of reach of the cat, who was hissing at him, the fled for the door when he got close.
Waiting for Harry to tuck the sleeping Vlad in his shirt pocket, shaking his head at the Puffskein who was snoring softly and had missed the whole 'show', he had Harry stay behind him then edged towards the door, making sure to keep his wand trained on the crazed beast, who was doing that low growl thing cats managed when they were seriously pissed. Once at the door, he shoved Harry out first then exited himself, making sure it shut firmly behind him. Rolling his eyes that he actually had to go through this in his own house, he guided Harry towards the backyard. Yeah, the three of them were going to come up with some way to calm the cat or get it out of here. Quietly, he wondered if they made anti-psychotics for cats and if they shouldn't try to get their hands on some. Because if today was any indication, they were probably going to need them!

Ya' know, this would be really funny if I wasn't describing my cat...

-Speedy
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"Why Me?"