...After Happily Ever After | By : Lissa & snowblind12 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 25828 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 5 |
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Harry Potter or J.K. Rowling. I make no money off of these stories. This is just fun for me. |
I am sorry this took longer than I wanted. It was a bitch to write. I have never pieced together a chapter like this one. I wrote the beginning and the end first, then attempted to fill in the middle. It was excruciating. I hope the fact that it's nearly twice as long as my normal chapters makes up for the extra long wait! Thank my Beta's - they helped pull me through. SnowBlind12 (check her stories!) and DevilsDaughter13. Lots of love - Lissa
PS: This is a day late bc AFF was acting up yesterday. :o(
Chapter Thirty-Two
"Come again?" Hermione's eyes were large, she couldn't believe that Dr. Jenkins actually wanted her to answer that questions with Severus in the room.
"Do you blame Professor Snape for being abducted?"
"That's…ridiculous." She sputtered indignantly. "He fought with me – for me. Why would I blame him?"
Dr. Jenkins turned his attention to Snape. "Do you blame yourself for Hermione's abduction?"
Hermione's eyes flicked to her fiancé's dear face. No. He couldn't blame himself. Could he? But the doctor's question was met with dead silence and narrowed, glittering malevolently, obsidian eyes. She reached for his hand, but he flinched away from her; his dark eyes flickering to hers. The guilt there left her breathless. "No." She sat up straight and turned her whole body towards him. "How could you possibly believe that?"
More silence. Hermione felt tears war with rage in her center. "Severus," she whispered. "You fought with me. We were outnumbered. You were hit with four stunners! This is not your fault."
His gaze turned away from her and fixed pointedly at the clock above Dr. Jenkins' left shoulder. He sighed deeply when he realized he had another thirty minutes of this utter rubbish.
"Don't." Her voice was flat. "Don't shut down. You've just dragged me out of my desolation. Don't disappear into your own. Talk to us – to me!"
"I will talk to you, when we are home." That brought her up short.
"That doesn't help us here," she insisted. "You've been telling me I have to talk to Dr. Jenkins for weeks. Now I am. He's requested you join me so you can help me work through things. I need you to do this with me."
He glared at her, slowly crossing his arms over his chest and returning his gaze to the mantel clock.
"Severus." He did not like the tone she was taking with him. She had no right to talk to him like that. All patronizing and disappointed.
"I told you I didn't want to do this." He glared accusingly at the doctor who held his gaze without flinching, much to Severus' astonishment.
After a short pause, Jenkins dipped his head. "You did. I disagreed. I think that for you and Hermione to have a successful future, both together and as parents, you need to discuss what happened. I would also like to delve into your pasts – with your large parts in the war and your childhoods."
Severus bristled and stood abruptly. "I will be in the waiting room." He informed them dismissively before taking his leave without a backwards glance. The door clicked softly behind them and Dr. Jenkins met Hermione's tearful gaze with a raised eyebrow.
"You have to realize that his part in the war was exceedingly difficult. If it was not for Severus Snape, there is a real possibility the light would have fallen. He…well. I don't even know where to begin."
"The beginning is always a good place to start…"
So, she spent the following half hour giving Dr. Jenkins a loose briefing on everything she knew Severus Snape had a part of during the first and second Wizarding Wars. Her information was second hand, of course (as he never spoke about the wars with her directly). She barely got everything out before their time was up and Dr. Jenkins stood.
"You've given me much to think about, Hermione. I will see you next week."
She gave him a weak nod and let herself out. Severus was waiting at the fireplace, back ramrod straight, shoulders thrown back – intimidating. He was hiding his discomfort behind a wall of intimidation…with her.
"Don't." She pleaded, stopping a few meters away from him.
His brow furrowed in confusion. "Don't what?" He doesn't even realize he's doing it, it has been second nature to him for so long.
"Don't be Professor Snape with me." His mask of indifference turned wooden in surprise and, with relief, she watched his shoulders fall.
She closed the distance between them then and took his hand, pulling it to her face and pressing a kiss into his palm. "I know how difficult these sessions are. There are horrors in both our lives that are…difficult to discuss. Let's do this for each other – for our daughter. We deserve to give our family the best chance possible. Promise you'll try."
He studied her impassively for a long time. So long, Dr. Jenkins exited his office into the waiting room, keys rattling at he locked up for the night. Severus muttered a quick Notice Me Not charm as the man's head snapped up, looking around wildly. Of course, they were not seen. A few moments later, they were plunged into darkness as Jenkins disappeared out the firm's door.
"I promise to think about trying."
She didn't feel she could ask for more than that.
Saturday March 20th
"Have fun today," Severus encouraged her tenderly, watching her pull on her woolen hat and mittens. Hermione gave him a soft smile before crossing the room to where he was seated behind his desk to press a chaste kiss to his hard mouth.
"I will," she promised, bending her head to kiss him a second time. His hands slid around her hips and he hesitantly deepened the kiss, nibbling the inside of her bottom lip before coaxing her tongue out to play for too brief a moment. When he pulled back, he was wickedly pleased to find her eyes still closed and a dreamy expression on her face. When she blinked her eyes open only a second later, his knowing, heated look made the blood rush to her face. "Stop." She poked his shoulder gently with a half quirk of her pretty pink pout.
"Stop…what…exactly…Miss Granger?" He raised one dark brow, the heated look smoldering as a smirk bloomed across his features. He deliberately let his baritone rumble deep, his speech pattern falling into the one he used to intimidate his classroom students. Her breath came to a complete stop and a laugh rumbled from his chest. He reached up and snatched her chin between his thumb and forefinger with a gruff gentleness, pulling her maw back to his before dominating her with a searing kiss. She moaned against his mouth and let him guide her until she was straddling his lap, her mitten-clad hands gripping his shoulders. "Stop that?" He fought to control his breathlessness as he broke their lip lock, her forehead fell to press into his neck.
"Yesss." She hissed the word, feeling like a pile of gelatin on a summer day – melted and gooey. "Yes, if you keep that up, I'll never meet my friends in ti – "
The rap on the door made her jump and she glanced quickly at his desk clock. "Oh, I'm late!" she exclaimed, glaring as a deep chuckle escaped him. "This is your fault!" she accused. "You can come in! I'm ready. Was just saying good-bye!"
As soon as she had said "You can come in!" the door popped open to reveal Ginny and Lizzie and Susan standing in it. Ginny made a face as she watched Hermione climb off Severus' lap and Lizzie snickered indulgently.
"Have a good day, Professor Snape!" Susan said kindly and he gave the three girls a dismissive wave while watching Hermione's flushed cheeks deepen to a cherry red.
"Be safe, Hermione," he told her sternly. "Please." She reached and gave one shoulder a squeeze.
"I promise."
"He's always so sweet?" Ginny asked once they were on the path between the school and the small wizarding town.
"What?" Hermione felt distracted. She was nervous! She was actually going to be sitting down to tell her ex-boyfriend's mother what she wanted for her wedding to her school teacher. Could life get more odd?
"He's quite sweet with you," Ginny repeated without blinking an eye. "Is he always so?"
"Oh," Hermione gave a secretive smile when she noticed Lizzie and Susan watching her as closely as Ginny. "Yes and no. I mean, he's been extra gentle in his nature as of late, but I know he's becoming frustrated with me. You know his personality, he's very rough around the edges." She paused as her friends nodded. "He's patient with me, though. More patient then he is in class. Before Christmas, I would have told you he can be a total arse and that we butt heads and argue a lot – which we did; and I know we'll continue to do so when things get more back to normal. But…I do love him. He is so good to me – treats me well."
"That's all? He treats you well?" Susan cocked her head. "I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one else is paying attention, Hermione. He adores you. He looks at you like a starving man at a bakery window."
If her cheeks weren't already ruddy with the wet cold of Great Britain's March, she knew she would have blushed.
"There's a serious heat between you," she continued, her eyes twinkling devilishly.
"Hot for teacher!" Lizzie busted out laughing, her giggles echoing off their surroundings. Hermione snorted when the other two looked confused.
"Muggle rock song," she said with a grin and a shrug. "And yes. I'll give it to you. The air quite crackles with electricity when we're alone."
"Even when you're not alone, did you know Draco saw him squeeze your bum at the Yule Ball?"
Hermione's mouth popped open in a surprised O. "I didn't, woops!" Her reply was sheepish, her eyes lowered. Heat fused through her body at the remembrance of what had happened after the Yule Ball.
"Is the sex good?" Ginny's lack of propriety made Hermione halt in her tracks. "I'm sorry!" she rushed on at the stricken look on her friend's face. "Hermione, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."
"It's…it's okay." She realized her friend was mostly likely apologizing about the careless sex quip in light of her currently tragedies – and could she blame her? Didn't teenagers talk about sex? "That's not what I was upset about," she cleared her throat, taking in the three girls. "I'm not upset at all, you just startled me with that question. I know it's normal for girlfriends to talk about their sex lives, but I just…can't. He would be horrified. Suffice it to say I am quite satisfied." Or would be if I could get back on the proverbial saddle.
Ginny gave a quick nod, Lizzie hid a smile behind her hand.
They walked in silence for a bit before Lizzie spoke up. "Well, I don't think Draco would mind if I bragged to my girlfriends." She broke the tension and the other three girls gave her sideways glances and grins. "My sex life is unbelievable." Susan snorted, half amused, half disgusted. She still didn't like Malfoy even though she begrudgingly agreed he was different.
"You had sex with Malfoy?" Hermione's voice was surprised and a little sad. She and Lizzie had spent many hours discussing their crushes and desires when it came to the men in their lives earlier in the school year, but she had been so out of touch with all her friends for so long now. Lizzie had lost her virginity, and she hadn't been there to support her!
Lizzie must have noticed the sadness in her voice because she reached out and took Hermione's hand, giving it a firm squeeze. "Yes, and I'll tell you lot all about it later in greater detail, when we have more time."
"Ron and I aren't there yet," Susan said with a flip of her ginger braid. "I'd like to take it slow, he's been very understanding."
"As he should be." Hermione said softly. "He was never pushy, and he really cares about you, Sue."
"This is my brother we're talking about." Ginny's face was a mask of morbid curiosity and revulsion.
"What about you and Harry?" Lizzie smirked knowingly, throwing her arm over Ginny's shoulder and pulling in. It was a bit of an awkward movement with Ginny being quite a bit taller than her, both girls giggled as they stumbled. Hermione felt a stab of jealousy at how close the two girls had become over the last few months. Susan hesitantly linked her arm with Hermione's and gave the brunette a tentative smile. Warmth flooded Hermione's chest and she returned the smile, squeezing Susan's arm in thanks.
"We are making good progress," Ginny grinned with a laugh. "It's kinda fun figuring this all out together. I ordered a couple books and we've been playing around."
Hermione started to snicker in earnest while Lizzie looked intrigued. "Care to share those books?" she said with a lilting laugh. "I could definitely use some tricks up my sleeve. Draco is a bit more experienced then I am, it'd be fun to surprise him."
Torrents of giggles ensued from all four girls as the crested the hill and made their way onto Hogsmeade's streets. "We're gonna be late, we should move a bit faster," Ginny stated once her chortles were under control.
They hurried the remaining yards to The Three Broomsticks, immediately spotting Molly Weasley in a back-corner booth. "Over here!" The matronly woman cried out with a big smile and wave. "Here, girls!"
Two hours later all was tentatively decided. Hermione would be staying at the Burrow with everyone for the two weeks of break, something to which Severus had tentatively agreed as long as she promised not to venture out alone. The ceremony would be small and intimate. Draco would be Severus' best man and the only people he had requested to invite were the Malfoy's. As much as Hermione loathed Lucius Malfoy, she didn't feel she could deny him this only request. Ginny was going to be Hermione's maid of honor, Harry and Ron were going to give her away – as they were the only family she had left. It would be an outdoor hand-fasting at sunset followed with a picnic dinner and cake and there would be music and dancing. Molly promised to set up a ceremonial site and would have a tent with heating charms for the meal and celebration after.
"Are you sure about the lemon cake, Hermione? That's a bit of an odd choice for a wedding."
Hermione gave Molly a gentle smile, thinking about the cake she had made her fiancé for his birthday. He'd eaten the whole thing within just a few days, Hermione only having a piece that first night. "I'm positive. It's Severus' favorite, and he already has handed this whole thing over to me. I want him to have a few things that make it feel special and about him."
Molly grinned broadly and covered Hermione's hand with her own, giving it a soft squeeze. "You're a thoughtful child."
"Now, mum?" Ginny's tone had changed and Hermione glanced at her friend with a quizzical look.
"Okay, Ginny, now," Molly chortled.
"Now we get to go have some fun!" Ginny stood quickly and pulled Hermione to her feet.
"Fun?" The curly haired brunette was bewildered, but allowed herself to be pushed into her outer-things and pulled out of the bar and down the street, the rest of the party trailing behind them with secretive smirks.
"Ready?" Ginny said, bouncing on the balls of her feet while Susan and Lizzie giggled and Molly grinned tolerantly.
"For wha - ?"
"Dress shopping, of course!" The auburn-haired witch took her friend's shoulders and turned her to face a shop with a beautiful mannequin in the window wearing a pretty, poufy, white, gauzy dress. Hermione's heart almost stopped.
"Everthine's." The name of the shop came out soft and wistful. "I never even though about a dress." She turned to her friends and surrogate mother with wide eyes. "I'm picking out a wedding dress!" It was an elated whisper said with such emotion Molly's eyes filled with tears.
"Yes, dear," she told the young woman with tenderness.
Fifteen minutes later, she was in her first gown. A form fitting silk that clearly showed off the slight swell of her belly. It was vetoed immediately. Next, a princess gown that made Hermione feel like she was drowning in taffeta and ribbons. Molly beamed and encouraged her to put it in the maybe pile, but Hermione was dead set against it and told the attendant to make it disappear.
Fifteen dresses and an hour and a half later, she stood staring at herself in the mirror with all three friends and Molly, none of them had been able to say a word when she had stepped out in this particular dress. The bodice was a bit risky – a nude tulle stitched with rich ivory lace leaving gaps in the fabric to show skin along her rib cage and upper belly. It had a plunging sweetheart neckline and she knew she'd have to perfect the lifting charm her attendant had used to put the girls in just the right spot. The lace trailed past the empire waistline in points down each hip where the material turned to chiffon and flowed to the floor. The right leg had a slit that went up almost entirely to her navel, but modestly was preserved with a lace underlay that peeked through the part. Where the front of the dress was elegantly sexy, the back was downright provocative. The covering over her breasts swept up in cap sleeves that topped each shoulder before spilling down the back sides of her rib cage, leaving her back bare in a low dipped V. More lace trailed over the top of her bum before also turning into chiffon that waterfalled down her legs to a very short train. It was earthy and beautiful and reminded her just slightly of her Yule ball gown that had received such a heated reaction from her wizard. The barely-there evidence of her pregnancy was sheathed in the chiffon and not even remotely noticeable.
"It's not…too sexy?" Hermione asked tentatively, terrified to be told the dress wasn't appropriate.
"Heaven's, no," Lizzie exclaimed, the first to be able to pull her jaw from the floor and answer her bedazzled friend.
"I can see by the look in your eyes this is it, Hermione. The professor will adore it, you look stunning," Susan said with heartfelt sincerity.
"Molly?" Hermione whispered, looking at the woman in question in the mirror. They locked eyes and Hermione was startled to see tears, even more so when her own eyes started to prickle.
"You look like perfection itself, my dear." Molly's smile was watery, and she raised a fist to her mouth to cover her gentle cough of emotion. She had hoped for so long this young woman would be her daughter someday, her emotions were bittersweet. She would keep her in her family no matter what it took.
Once gleaning her mother's approval, Ginny spoke up. "It's not too sexy, 'Mione. It's exactly sexy enough. He's not going to know what hit him."
Monday March 22nd
"I told you during our last session I would not discuss this."
"But you also said you'd discuss it with me privately and you've skirted the issue all damn week, Severus. We need to talk about this! I will not have it hanging over our heads. We are getting married in just over two weeks!"
"Don't be preposterous. This changes nothing. We will marry and we will be perfectly fine!"
"Preposterous!" Hermione's voice was incredulous. "You think I'm being silly!? Nuh-uh. You're the one who thinks my abduction was your fault! How many times have you insisted over and over again that it wasn't my fault? That I was blameless. I believed you – I still believe you, but I will not stand here and let you blame yourself. It was no more your fault than mine. We were surrounded, outnumbered, out-wanded. I thought – " She broke off and sucked in a huge gasp of air, her tummy rolling with nerves and a turmoil of emotions. "I thought they killed you. When you fell at my back. You hit the ground with a thud that was…my heart stopped." She clutched her hand to her chest, fighting back tears, breaths coming in hiccupping heaves of hurt. "I stopped fighting. They asked me to give up my wand, and I did so willingly. I would go through it all again if it meant saving your life, but that does not mean it was my fault. You taught me that. You made me see that. What do I have to do to make you see that the people to blame are the men who took me? The ones who hurt me are the ones we must fight against. We must fight against them, not each other. We cannot let them win!"
She stared at his unmoving profile. His jaw was set with deep tension.
"I will not air my grievances in front of some Muggle quack pot!" He exploded out after a few moments. "I am not talking to him about our personal lives, Hermione! I will not stand for this drivel!" For the second time in as many session, she watched him jerkily stand to his feet and stride out of the office, slamming the door behind him.
Her face colored with embarrassment and she flipped a look at Dr. Jenkins after watching him go with open-mouthed horror. "I'm so sorry. So sorry. I think…I think it's best to cut this one short, yeah?"
The doctor, instead of looking insulted or infuriated simply looked bemused, it made her pause. "I believe that Severus is embarrassed about discussing his past with me. His lack of knowledge of the - Muggle you call it, right? – the Muggle world is probably a bit frightening to him. I am Muggle through and through and therefore am not someone to trust. My science is not exact, and while I know he's an intellectual, I would surmise he is not well versed in the art of psychology."
"That's rubbish," she snapped. "His father was a Muggle. I know it's just his personality. He doesn't trust many, he's a very private person."
"How many years has he been out of connection with the Muggle world, Hermione?"
This gave her pause. "At least…well, at least twenty."
"And many things have changed in the last twenty years, have they not?" he prodded continually.
"I suppose they have, yes."
"I think he is uncomfortable with the situation he finds himself in and I think he blames himself for many, many things. I think it starts back with his friendship to Lily Potter née Evans and the poor choices he made as a young adult and snowballs through the first and second of your wars. He has seen and had to do many terrible things. He gave up happiness and the chance at a life over and over again until it escalated out of control. I do not think he expected to survive the war, my dear." He paused to let his words sink in.
"When it was all over, both his Masters – yes, his Masters, Hermione. Voldemort and Dumbledore were his Masters. He took their direction for years. What they did not control of his life he controlled behind a mask of unfeeling and loathing for self-protection. When it was over, his Masters were dead and you were there. For some reason, he left the mask off and let you in – only you, it seems. He grew more and more comfortable in this role, only putting his disguise on when he felt threatened, am I right?"
Hermione stared at him, dumbfounded. How had she not seen this? "If he would talk to us, I would bet his relationship with his parents was not good. I suspect an abusive home, abuse from his father – if not from both of his parents." Hermione covered her mouth when a saddened gasp was not able to be stifled. "I suspect his friendship with Lily was the first thing that felt pure and good in this world for him. When she fell in love with his enemy, he felt betrayed and fled to his friends who led him to Voldemort. I am just speculating, Hermione, because you do not know these things for sure, and he has not opened up to me. These are my suspicions, though. There is deep seated guilt and self-loathing in that man. He blames himself for many things that were simply out of his control, such as your abduction. Just promise me you will continue to prod him to come. We will continue to work diligently to unravel you both and help you both heal.
"In most cases such as this, I would feel remised not to warn my client that you are marrying someone you do not know and should think long and hard before moving forward." When Hermione's face drained of all color, he cleared his throat. "In most cases, that is. For you and your professor…something tells me no matter where our sessions lead us, the two of you are quite suited and will always find a way to work through your difference and quarrels. You've been through so much already and neither has been willing to walk away. It seems to me that your love for each other is larger than life."
She finished her session with Dr. Jenkins even though she wanted to rush after Severus. She was glad she did, because the rage that had ignited in her belly when he stormed out the second time after promising to try the last time had time to die down. She understood the pain and fear of not wanting to share. Had she not gone through it for weeks and weeks before she was finally able to open up?
She flooed through and, when straightening to her full height in their quarters, found him sitting silent and still as stone in the dark leather wingback chairs. A crystal tumbler of amber liquid in one hand. He didn't meet her eyes as she brushed the soot of her traveling cloak before removing it to hang on the rack. She felt his eyes on her, even if he wasn't moving.
She turned to look at him, and this time he met her eyes. The pain in his almost took her breath away. "Severus," she murmured, taking a step and reaching one hand out to him. He broke their look and flicked his eyes to the fire, watching it consume the logs in the hearth. She crossed to him and, even though he gave a slight protest, climbed into his lap, settling her bum comfortably in the crease between his knees. She took the tumbler of alcohol and set it on the table, all the while holding his guarded gaze. Then she slowly wrapped one arm around his shoulders, using her free arm she guided his head to her breast and held him to her, pressing a kiss to his oily hair.
Severus was confused and bit alarmed at being treated like a small child needing to be held in his mother's arms, but his mental turmoil was such he didn't resist. After a moment, he succumbed to her warmth and buried his face in the valley between her breast as his arms encircled her waist tightly. She said nothing to him, just held his head, gently stroking his hair and occasionally pressing more kisses to the top of his head.
The words started to bloom out of him before he could stop them. "I do not blame myself as much as I am angry with myself. Why I thought that I alone could protect you in the madness of Diagon Alley the day after Christmas, I will never know. We should have never been out. I am livid with myself for not seeing that ahead of time and insisting you stay with me at the castle. I would have taken your resentment willingly, if I could have saved you from what you had to endure.
"I feel guilt at what they took from you and sadness for what you have lost. They smothered your fire, Hermione, and your fire is what brought me back to life. Watching you these weeks has shattered me, and I had only just begun to rebuild, myself. I had only just started to let myself hope for things I never thought I would achieve. A wife, a family, a home…love. These concepts were things I had told myself I would never, ever have even though I wanted them desperately." She said nothing, just held him a little more tightly.
"When I…when I woke in my hospital bed back in June to find you sleeping in the chair next to me, my world tilted on its axis. I couldn't understand what you were doing there, which is why I raged at you – you remember?" She gave a noncommittal grunt in her throat.
"How could you forget?" He smirked into her cleavage and tightened his arms, smoothing his palms down her back. "The nurse that witnessed my rage gave me a right scolding after you fled. She told me that you had sat by my bedside almost every day for a month. She told me you read to me from the paper and that you sang to me, but mostly that you had just sat with me, holding my hand and talking. Tell me what had been happening since the war.
"I couldn't understand why you would do something like that and I admit I was ashamed of the way I had gone off on you. I was positive I would not see you again until we had returned to Hogwarts, but you came back the next day. I think I fell in love with you then, you know? You walked through the door in your skin-tight jeans and that white peasant top. Your hair was wild and bushy, your stance defensive and guarded, but your face." Here he pulled back and cupped her face in her hands. Her eyes were shinning with unshed tears of surprise at his detailed recollection. "Gods, Hermione, your face. Brilliant determination mixed with an emotion I couldn't place. I can place it now – you loved me then, too, didn't you?"
She let out a shuddering breath as a tear slipped down her cheek and nodded. "I'd been infatuated with you for years," she whispered. "I knew you were not what you seemed. I just knew everyone was wrong. It became harder to defend you, though. Especially…well, especially after Dumbledore. I regret that I stopped defending you. I stopped trying to make other people believe you were good." He flinched slightly and she trailed her fingers up his arms and entwined them with his. "It felt wrong, in my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't what it had seemed, but all the proof…well. You know where all the proof pointed." He nodded.
"When I…when Harry told us about your memories. Oh, Severus." A small sob escaped her and she pressed her forehead to his, releasing one of his hands to cup her palm around his face, she pressed a kiss to his lips. "I was devastated. For you, I was devastated for you. You had given up your whole life to protect Harry because you loved his mother. I – I couldn't imagine a love like that. My first instinct was to find you. I was determined to see you get a proper burial – one with the dignity and respect you had deserved. To find you alive…oh my God. I never expected – never dreamed – you could have survived. When I saw you there, my heart stopped. When it restarted I knew then. I had always respected you, I had always admired you. I had never taken your nasty comments and put downs to heart, they just seemed a coping mechanism to me. While some of them were hurtful and demeaning, I worked very hard to not take them personally, to watch you and continue to respect who you were. But when I saw you alive, knowing your whole story, that is when I realized I could love you. I never in a million years dreamed you would let me in, let alone love me back."
"You didn't give me a choice!" He almost laughed. "You wouldn't stay away. When I realized what was happening, I fought it."
"I know you did!" She did laugh. "I told myself you were just not use to being on the receiving end of compassion and was determined to make you accept mine."
"You succeeded, up until that disastrous kiss."
"That kiss was wonderful," she whispered. "We were both too stubborn to see what it really had been. We both thought we had forced ourselves on the other. I had no intention of making a move until I had graduated, you know. I didn't want to come off as some silly little school girl with a crush on her teacher."
"What made you change your mind?"
"You did, when you kissed me again. I wasn't going to tell you no, I could have never told you no. The months that followed were…Severus. They were the best of my life, even with the death of my parents, having you was everything. Everything." He pulled her in closer and pressed his lips to hers gently.
She sighed when they parted and nestled her face into his neck before she continued to speak. "When you fell at my back and I thought you were dead for those agonizing seconds, I was determined to make them kill me. When I felt you breathing at my feet, I was determined to survive as long as they let you survive. And we did, we lived. We are living. Now…now we need to heal.
"We have to let Dr. Jenkins guide us, love. I know you're unfamiliar with this science, but it's helping me. It helped Susan. It will only make us stronger. I need you to be there with me. Pretend he's not there, talk to me, don't talk to him. We have to do this to survive. I need you to survive. To be healthy, to be whole. Will you? For me? Can you? For us?"
She felt the tension and fight drain out of him. "Yes," he breathed finally. "I can. I will."
She pulled back and locked eyes with him. "Do you promise me?"
"I promise you."
He kissed her, fiercely and she felt a molten need for him after their confessions. She wanted to be close to him, wanted him to touch her. Their melding of mouths grew heated and she felt him swell beneath her bum quickly. She buried her fingers in his hair and held on for dear life as her desperation for him swept her up like a riptide. She gasped audibly when his lips left her to seek her neck, massaging the corded tendons and muscles with his tongue. She groaned and felt her body start to tremble with anticipation. There was no fear, for the first time in months, there was no fear.
"Severus," she said desperately. "Gods!" she cried out when he bit her where her neck met her shoulder. "Severus, I want you to put your hands on me," she begged, squirming in his lap fitfully.
"Yes," he agreed fervently. He stood with seemingly no effort and crossed the room to the large four-poster. Reverently he lay her back on the comforter and stretched out on top of her. She welcomed him, opening her arms and legs, sighing as his hips settled into the cradle of her thighs. His weight was deliciously heavy and hot. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth back to hers, desire surging through her. Her hips rolled and he groaned, deepening the kiss, splaying his hands up her rib cage and cupping a breast through her clothing. She arched into him greedily, she was frantic for his touch, all her worries and anxiety seemed to have melted away. Somehow, between the kissing and the lazy touches, they found themselves undressed and, as his fingers dipped into her sopping silt, a shuddering sigh slipped past trembling lips.
His visceral groan as he gently pushed two fingers inside her was almost enough to make her come undone. She felt a deep aching fill her chest as the emotions of being touched by him again and not being afraid crashed over her. Her hips thrust into his hand as she tilted her neck back to seek his eyes. Heated coal burned into warm chocolate and he moved forward slowly to take and seal his mouth to hers again.
"Can I put my mouth on you, love?" He begged quietly when they parted. His thumb was swirling the bundle of nerves under her hood and her little sex noises were driving him mad.
"Only if I can put my mouth on you, too," she answered softly. His grunt of surprise made her lips curl up into a smirk which turned into a little whimper of disappointment when his hand pulled away from her. He rolled onto his back, his erection standing vertically from his body, thick and hot and proud. Her mouth watered at the sight.
They had never done this before and he gave her that breath stealing, devilish smile before calmly saying. "You'll have to sit on my face to make this work."
A nervous giggle left her, but she allowed him to guide her into place. The slight swell of her abdomen pressed into his chest, but it wasn't too uncomfortable, and was immediately forgotten at the contact of his mouth pressed to her clit. "Fuck!" she hissed and his responding chuckle vibrated her folds and only served to make her shudder.
He worked her for a moment, going slowly, letting her get use to the new position and sensations. When a tentative hand reached for and encircled his weeping prick, he let out a grunt that made her gasp. Then she let herself go, engulfing him in her hot orifice, sucking hard and pulling him deep as one hand pumped the base of his cock. His hips jerked and he gave a rumble of need.
He dipped his tongue into her and she keened around him, the vibrations pulling his bollocks up tight and he fought his release, trying to time it with her own. She surprised him by grinding her hips down onto him and he stifled a laugh as his nose grazed her clit. The laugh turned into another hum of pleasure when the sensation made her lips lock down harder and her suction increase. Her tongue was deliciously out of control and his hips bucked lazily, loving everything she was doing. When her legs started to tremble and her lower body froze in delectable anticipation he stopped holding back. Then she was quivering and humming with her release, the suction of her mouth around his cock was almost painful as less than a second later he poured himself into her mouth. He felt her swallowing around his cock, and her jerk and moan of pleasure as he locked on to her clit to drag out her pleasure made him flex his hips again. Her mouth came off him with a wet pop, but her hand was still wrapped firmly around his dick as she trembled and jerked. Her face was press to his hip, nose nuzzling his groin and she audibly gasped and shuddered and tried to catch her breath as he lapped up her creamy, mouthwatering release.
Moments later, she was curled into him, their naked limbs entangled, their arms wrapped passionately together, kissing almost desperately. "You're okay?" He almost begged her, his veins were singing, blood rushed in his ears, his heart pounding with abandoned joy. She was tearful, but assured him they were happy tears.
"I am, I swear. That was wonderful, I've missed you so much." It was said between a dozen soft, chaste kisses and gentle fingertip caresses. "I love you," she whispered against his jaw. "So much, thank you. Thank you."
He just kissed her in reply.
Friday March 26th
"Severus, everyone is staring," she whispered self-consciously. "You're going to ruin your reputation."
"I don't bloody well care at the moment, do I?" he said gruffly into her ear. They were at the Hogsmeade train station where Hermione was going to boarding the Hogwarts Express with her friends momentarily and he had suddenly gotten quite touchy feely with her, one hand on her low back, the other holding her hand as he moved to stand closer to her. Granted, this was going to be the longest they'd been apart since her abduction, but students were not even attempting to hide the fact that they were ogling the duo with interest.
"You're the feared Potions master, however will they continue to be afraid of you if they see you feeling up your child bride?" she teased him with a grin on her face and glint in her eyes.
His eyes narrowed a bit before he leaned his lips to her ear and his silky baritone rumbled into her psyche. "Should we give them something to talk about?" She could have orgasmed on the spot from his voice alone, but then his lips were on hers. She squeaked with surprise, her eyes almost popping out of her head. If they hadn't already been the center of attention, the laugh that poured out of him when she pushed him away in shock solidified the fact that every single eye was on them.
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water for a few seconds before she shook her head with a hasty smile. "You have no idea what I'm going to have to field on the damn train now, you git," she hissed, still teasing him. He gave her a crooked smile and touched his fingers lightly to her cheek bone. She actually heard a gaggle of sixth year Hufflepuffs sigh. She felt a blush bloom through her face and ducked her head, letting a curtain of frizz shield her face from the onlookers.
"I will see you Monday at your therapy session," he said quietly. "Enjoy your time with your friends and ceremony preparations."
"I will miss you, so much." The look of adoration on her face made his chest constrict.
"And I, you, pet. Please. Be safe." It was as close to begging as he would ever get.
"I will go nowhere without asking you to meet me and at least two other people. I swear."
"You best."
"I do. Kiss me good-bye." The train whistle blew just after the words left her mouth. He dropped a chaste, sweet kiss to her lips and brushed her cheek again before taking a step back from her and dropping the hand he had laced through hers.
"I will not watch the train leave," he said softly. "That is entirely too sappy."
She snorted a laugh even though her eyes were damp with moisture at their imminent parting. "I agree." She said primly, tilting her chin up as her eyes glittered with humor.
He ached to pull her into his arms and kiss her like he would never see her again, but their interaction in front of the other students and staff were already making him quite uncomfortable. Instead, he gave her a shallow bow, took her hand placed a gentle kiss to her knuckles, stepped back, and Disapparated.
She stood where she was for a moment before Ginny and Lizzie appeared and linked their arms through hers. "You'll see him in a few days," Lizzie insisted as she guided her friend away. Hermione couldn't help looking back over her shoulder at the spot where he disappeared. She was already on the verge of panicking without him. They had spent at least a portion of every day together for the last three months.
"I know," she whispered, her throat tight. "I'm okay."
Ginny let out a low chortle. "You look like you're going to burst into tears," she countered.
"I'm trying not to."
"Aw, honey." Lizzie wrapped her arm around her shoulders.
"I'll be okay. It's just weird being without him."
"I promise, mum and I are going to keep you so busy, you won't have time to think," Ginny promised.
Wedding Dress
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Yule Ball Gown
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