All That You Leave Behind

OK, we're gonna lay the guilt trip on you now. We've written two chapters today, totalling over 2,500 words. Surely YOU can write, say, 1% of that in a review - 25 words? It's not a lot! Please. *Puppydog eyes*



And, A is making me work hard, and I'm meant to be on holiday! Feel sorry for Q!



Seriously guys - you may think we're obsessed with reviews, and to a certain extent we are, but purely bcause without your support we just wouldn't have the energy to continue what is, without a doubt, the most insanely long story we've ever been involved in!



33



The young man looked up at the imposing structure that housed his new lord. He was hesitant about the news he was bringing, fearing the worst, but knew he had no choice but to face his failure bravely. He waited impatiently until admittance was granted, and warily faced the man he was about to disappoint.



"Well?," came the hard voice, "what have you to tell me?"



"I'm afraid I have failed you, sir)" the young man said, "Ginevra Potter and her baby live." When no reaction was forthcoming, he hastened to add. "It was the Potions Master...Snape. He figured it out and had an antidote. He saved them," the pseudo student mediwizard said, "I couldn't try again. He would have guessed. As it is, Potter will be heading up the Auror investigation. I left before I could be discovered." He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the wrath of the tall man.



"Very well," came the icy reply, "then we shall simply have to attempt again, but with a different angle of attack. Leave me."



The student didn't need to be told twice, and beat a hasty retreat.



When he had gone, the tall man's anger was betrayed in the shattering of the glass of brandy he held in his hand. "Severus Snape" he hissed, an expression of loathing marring his features. He threw the remaining bits of his glass into the fireplace and went to tend to his bleeding hand.



**********************



Little James grew like a weed, like the resentment Severus felt swelling in his heart. He didn't begrudge saving Ginny, he simply wished she weren't an issue.



His already conflicting feelings weren't helped by the fact that she was pathetically grateful to him for saving her and James, and thanked him incessantly. And told everyone she could of his heroism and forethought. The consequence of this was that not only were there crowds of people visiting baby James, there were crowds of people wanting to shake his hand or speak to him as well. He'd taken to hiding in his lab with the door made Imperturbable.



He only felt safe coming out at night, when everyone was gone and Ginny insisted he show his face at the dinner table. She'd apparently taken to channelling her mother in that food seemed to be another way she showed gratitude. She cooked enormous meals for him and insisted he eat, clucking about him like a mother hen, saying he needed to put some meat on his bones.



: He was at once grateful for her concern and yet annoyed beyond reason at her mothering of him. He vastly preferred her to coddle James rather than himself, although he felt couldn't very well refuse. It wasn't that he disliked Ginny herself. He just disliked her as Harry's wife



Harry, for his part, was mad about his infant son and assured him again and again that "Daddy will find the bad man, James. Don't you worry. Nobody harms my boy and Mummy."



Hearing this made Severus both cringe and feel a sort of pride all at once. Harry was a devoted and conscientious father, Severus was proud of him for that considering what his own childhood had been like. It made him cringe, however, to have the proof of what could never be for them thrown persistently in his face.



Severus couldn't help but resent Ginny then, for taking his Harry away from him. If only he hadn't encouraged him to pursue his relationship with the girl, he often thought, and then chastised himself severely telling himself that Harry may love Severus, but not in the way that Severus loved him. It could never be.



That, however, did not stop him seeking out Harry's company in the evenings after James had been put to bed and Ginny, no doubt exhausted from caring for James as well as stuffing Severus full of food, had retired early.



Severus' only consolation at these times was that apparently Harry and Ginny hadn't yet resumed intimate relations, judging by the fact that Harry was keeping Severus company in the evenings rather than in bed with his wife.



Severus' contentment with that came to a shattering end one evening when Harry asked if he could speak to him.



"Certainly," Severus replied, "you know you can speak to me about anything."



He immediately regretted his words when Harry said, "Right, I know, you've been helpful on this subject before, too. Erm.....I was wondering if you knew when......well, you know.....Ginny's just had a baby and she nearly died. She's recovered now, and so I was just wondering if...well.....if it would be too soon to approach her.....you know.....to make love."



Severus stood there stunned beyond words. He felt as if he'd been turned to ice and would shatter any moment with the slightest knock or jar; with the slightest breath.



When he didn't answer, Harry flushed and began stammering, "I...I don't know....I mean....I don't want her to think I'm ...you know...some sort of pig or anything...that I only want sex from her.....but...well....it's been awhile....you know?"



Severus stood there, his stomach roiling around the meal she'd fed him, and tried to get a grip on himself. In his mind's eye he saw himself grasping Harry and shaking him, hard, screaming so he'd understand, "Not her! Not her!! Me! Come to me!! I'll give you what you need!! I'll be the one to make love to you!"



Instead he swallowed the nausea he felt rising, cleared his throat and said, "Perhaps.....if she hasn't approached the subject......you would do better to wait."



He couldn't help it!!! Not this time! She had everything! She didn't need that too! Not yet! his heart cried



Harry frowned, studying Severus face intently and Severus hoped to Merlin his face didn't betray what he felt inside.



Then the beloved face softened, and Harry smiled sheepishly. "Yeah....I…I guess that if she were ready, she would have let me know. I mean......she did just push a baby out of her body......and I know she's tired looking after James all day......he's a handful already......I suppose the only thing on her mind right now is a good night's sleep."



Quelling his guilt, Severus relaxed a bit and let the ghost of a smile cross his face. "Indeed. It is not uncommon for new mothers to feel that way."



Harry's expression of resignation sparked a flame of anger in Severus, which he also quelled, ruthlessly. He resisted again shouting out that he could be the one to satisfy Harry's needs.



"Guess it's back to wanking in the shower," Harry said, and Severus felt a stab of raw lust at the thought.



"Indeed," Severus said in a strained voice. Harry laughed then and said, "What about you, Sev? Don't tell me you don't wank in the shower too. I mean....." Harry looked at Severus wonderingly and the older man knew his cheeks were flushing.



"You do!" Harry chortled.



Just as suddenly he stopped and turned rather pink himself. "Erm....yeah.....I don't think I want to know who you think about when you do," he said uncomfortably.



No! Severus screamed inside, not Lily!!!! You! You!



Again Severus was torn, trying frantically to think of a way to assure Harry it wasn't Lily and suggest who it really was, but still make it ambiguous enough that he wouldn't be embarrassed if Harry didn't want the same - which Severus knew he didn't. Merlin! What a mess!



In the end he decided to avoid the subject altogether and said, "Perhaps we can change the subject now," turning away to pour himself another drink.



"Yeah," Harry said thoughtfully, his green eyes intent on Severus once again.



When he noticed Severus looking back just as intently, he flushed once again and went to pour himself a drink.



The younger man was distracted by something, Severus could tell by the chattering of glass on glass as Harry shakily poured his drink. When he joined Severus on the sofa, Severus couldn't help himself touching the boy, grasping his knee carefully. The contact sated his lust somewhat and enabled him to enquire calmly, "Harry? Was there something else you wished to talk about?"



The green eyes were a bit muddled when they made contact with his own, the cheeks still pink. "N-No...nothing....nothing in particular," Harry said a bit too loudly.



Severus, however, thought he knew what was plaguing the boy. "Harry," he said gently, "I loved Lily, however...."



"Right!" Harry burst out, "I know you did....I know. That's......I don't really want to talk about you and anyone, and certainly not you and my mother. Okay?"



...don't want to talk about you and anyone... Severus' mind latched on to. Without meaning to, he squeezed the knee under his hand.



Folly though it may be for him to think that perhaps Harry could be jealous, he indulged himself anyway.



Harry, confused by a rush of feelings he didn't understand, and acutely aware of the warm hand on his knee, laughed lightly and said, "I would hate to think of some lady coming along and taking you away from me, Sev."



"Never," said Severus seriously; voice one that brooked no arguments. "Never."



Harry couldn't stop the swell of pleasure he felt as he heard the sincerity in Severus' tone. Harry felt his cheeks begin to burn - suddenly very aware of Severus hand resting upon his leg. To his disquietude, Harry had a sudden vision of that hand....in other places, and wondered if it would feel as warm.



And as right.