Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 33
- 34
- 35
LOST AND DAMNED

Where the Soul Conforms to Deeper Needs

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It was their first time boarding the Hogwarts Express without Ron. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Sirius had come along to see them off and Mrs. Weasley had been in tears on and off all morning. She hugged Ginny tightly and didn't seem willing to let her go and repeated the process with Harry and Hermione, needing Mr. Weasley or Sirius to urge her to let them go, telling her they would be fine. Harry felt awful as she held him tightly and sobbed against him, telling him to behave and stay safe.

"Try not to get into too much trouble, Harry," Sirius said with a smile once he got Mrs. Weasley away and hugged Harry himself. "Write as often as you can. If Malfoy starts becoming trouble-"

"I know, I'll be fine," Harry assured him, feeling Ginny take his hand and pull him to the train. Hermione had already gone off to perform her prefect duties with tears in her eyes. She'd be doing it all without Ron by her side.

"Mum really knows how to make things hard, doesn't she?" Ginny mumbled as they moved down, looking for an empty compartment. Her voice was shaky and her own eyes were wet with tears and Harry resisted the urge to stop her and give her a hug.

"Harry! Ginny! Over here!" called out Neville, hanging out of a compartment midway down. Ginny pulled Harry along and they sat inside. It was just Neville and Luna in there for now, Luna reading The Quibbler per usual.

"Oh, hello, Harry and Ginny!" Luna said with a smile, glancing up from her reading. "Are we still doing the D.A. this year?"

"No point now we've got rid of Umbridge, is there?" said Harry.

"I liked the D.A.!" Neville exclaimed, looking disappointed. "I learned loads with you!"

"I enjoyed the meetings, too," said Luna serenely. "It was like having friends."

Harry squirmed where he sat, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He was luckily saved from having to say anything by loud voices outside. Everyone turned to look at the door as voices came closer, the sound of girls arguing before opening the door and a young girl with dark eyes and dark hair strode in.

"Hi, Harry. I'm Romilda Vane," she said loudly and confidently. "Why don't you join us in our compartment? You don't have to sit with them."

"They're friends of mine," Harry said coldly.

"Better company than you, I imagine," Ginny added, glaring at Romilda.

"Oh?" Romilda asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing up at Ginny.

"Thanks for the offer, though," Harry quickly said before Ginny or Romilda could do anything to each other.

"Yeah…No problem," Romilda said, looking surprised. "Later, Harry."

Ginny spent several minutes complaining about how rude Romilda was while Neville and Luna went on about how they weren't cool enough to be around them, which Harry had to reassure them that they were very cool and remind them that they had helped him at the Ministry. They finally moved on to easier conversations about Quidditch, OWL results, and the upcoming school year.

Near lunchtime, Hermione walked in looking agitated. "Malfoy's not even doing prefect duty! He's just sitting in his compartment with his Slytherin friends," she grumbled. "Does anybody take their duties seriously, honestly?"

"What else would you expect from Malfoy?" Neville muttered anxiously.

"Well he usually goes around bullying the younger students, doesn't he?" Ginny pointed out.

"True," Harry said quietly, glancing at the compartment door. Draco hadn't given him much information when Harry wrote to him after the incident in Knockturn Alley. Harry had a feeling that Draco wasn't being entirely truthful. He wanted to figure out what was going on, but Harry had agreed not to be too friendly around Draco with his Slytherin buddies.

Before he could think too much on it, the compartment door slid open and a breathless third year girl stepped inside. "I'm supposed to deliver these to Neville Longbottom and Harry P-P-Potter," she faltered as she looked at Harry and she turned bright red. She held out two scrolls of parchment tied with violet ribbon. Harry and Neville took their scrolls, looking down at them in surprise as the girl stumbled back out of the compartment.

"What is it?" Hermione asked as Harry unrolled his.

"An invitation," Harry replied.

Harry,

I would be delighted if you would join me for a bite of lunch in compartment C.

Sincerely,

Professor H.E.F. Slughorn

"Who's Professor Slughorn?" Neville asked, looking confused and a bit worried by his own invitation.

"New teacher," Harry said. "Well, I suppose we'll have to go now, won't we?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Slughorn was apparently interested in a group of students he thought might be talented or famous or good for something. Harry was reminded of what Dumbledore had told him about Slughorn, liking to collect people. When their little "Slug Cub" meeting was over, Harry left Neville and pulled on the Invisibility Cloak he had brought along with him. Instead of heading back to his friends, he followed Blaise Zabini into a compartment shared by Draco and his friends. He easily managed to walk alongside Zabini and hopped across the compartment before the door could close. He used an empty seat to hoist himself up onto the luggage rack, making sure the Cloak was secure around him before settling down. Goyle and Crabbe sat side by side and Zabini sat on the other side of them. Across from them sat Draco and Pansy Parkinson, Draco's head resting in her lap.

Draco immediately wanted to know what the invitation was about and Zabini went on to explain the lunch and who all had been there. Draco seemed a bit offended about not having been invited and Harry frowned. He shifted around a bit, trying to listen more closely to everything being said. "-Nott didn't get an invitation, did he? I don't think Slughorn's interested in Death Eaters."

"Well, who cares what he's interested in?" Draco said, looking angry. "What is he, when you come down to it? Just some stupid teacher. I mean, I might not even be at Hogwarts next year, what's it matter to me if some fat old has-been likes me or not?"

"What do you mean, you might not be at Hogwarts next year?" Pansy said indignantly.

Harry wanted to know that, too.

"Well, you never know," Draco said with a smirk. "I might have-er-moved on to bigger and better things."

"Do you mean…him?" Pansy asked.

Draco shrugged. "Mother wants me to complete my education, but personally, I don't see it as important these days. I mean, think about it…When the Dark Lord takes over, is he going to care how many OWLs or NEWTs anyone's got? Of course he isn't…It'll all be about the kind of service he's received, the level of devotion shown."

"And you think you'll be able to do something for him?" demanded Zabini scathingly. "Sixteen years old and not even fully qualified yet?"

"I've just said, haven't' I? Maybe he doesn't care if I'm qualified. Maybe the job he wants me to do isn't something that you need to be qualified for," Draco said quietly.

Crabbe and Goyle were both sitting, gaping open mouthed at him. Zabini was muttering under his breath so quietly, Harry didn't understand a word of it. Pansy, meanwhile, was staring down at Draco like he was the most awe-inspiring thing she had ever seen.

"I can see Hogwarts," Draco said after a moment. "We better get our robes on."

Harry moved around a bit, trying to avoid being found while everyone grabbed their trunks. His heart was racing and it was hard to think about everything he had heard when avoiding being discovered. When everyone settled down to start pulling on their robes, Harry stared at Draco. Was he serious? Did Voldemort want him for something? Was he fooling Harry by playing his friend? Or was he in trouble? Harry felt disturbed as he watched them get ready until the train slowed to a stop and Crabbe, Goyle, and Zabini walked out.

"You go on," Draco told Pansy who was waiting for him with her hand held out to him. "I just want to check on something."

Pansy left. Harry and Draco were now alone in the compartment and Harry shifted uneasily where he sat. He could see people filing out through the window. Had Draco noticed him here? His heart pounded harshly in his chest as he watched the blond close the door and sink down into his seat again, burying his face in his hands, tugging at his pale blond hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Draco muttered, hissing to himself and harshly aiming a kick at the wall. Harry cringed and frowned, peering closer at his friend.

"Gotta…get a fucking grip," Draco muttered, taking deep breaths. He looked like he was really panicking. Draco sat up a bit and scratched at his left arm, glaring at it before standing up and pacing around the small area a bit. "Need to…You can do this…I can do this," he mumbled to himself.

"Do what, exactly?" Harry asked, pulling off the Cloak and hopping down to the floor.

Draco jumped, screamed, and spun around, staring at him with wide silvery eyes…filled with horror. "Merlin…Harry! What are you-how long have you-"

"I came in when Zabini came back," Harry admitted. "Draco, what's going on?"

"I…I can't tell you…I…I can't…I…" Draco said, looking close to hyperventilation now. Harry reached out and grabbed his shoulders.

"Calm down, it's okay…I can help you, if you need me," Harry offered. He still wasn't entirely sure about Draco. Maybe Draco had known he was there and was just playing him now. He would have to be careful, but for now Draco was his friend and Harry wanted to help him.

"I have…I have to, Harry. I can't…I have to…have to protect my family…you…you have to understand I…I don't want this," Draco exclaimed, tugging at his hair some more. "Fucking shit."

Draco shook his head vehemently and stood up straight, taking several deep breaths. "I'm fine…I'm fine, we need to…to get to the castle," Draco rasped out, fumbling with the door and walking away quickly.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The welcoming feast was over and Severus could not have been more grateful. He had taken some joy in the shock and horror plastered on the students faces when Albus introduced him as their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It was all fine until he saw the looks coming from Harry and Draco. There was fear there, yes, but it had less to do than fear of him than fear for him. Severus had told Draco when he was given the job, and Draco immediately worried about the curse on the position. Even weeks of having the news, the boy was still upset, worried that something bad was going to happen (especially with the Unbreakable Vow he had given to Narcissa and Draco's task for the Dark Lord). Harry, too, must have been concerned about the position and the curse it had had for so long. A well known curse. Severus himself didn't like to think about it much, didn't care to put too much thought onto what it meant.

Now he was glad to be away from the stares and whispers and certainly away from Harry Potter. Just last week he had kissed the boy. He liked to tell himself it was just to keep the boy distracted, but Severus understood it for what it was. It was just getting harder and harder…There was no way he was going to be able to continue with the boy's lessons. Severus was beginning to doubt if he could even have the boy in his class. Severus was proud of his control and his ability to lie and hide things, but somehow, Potter was making it all entirely impossible. It was becoming a physical and mental struggle to stay away from him and keep himself from going too far with the boy. The temptation was becoming stronger and stronger and Severus honestly doubted his abilities to handle this.

Severus had every intention of telling Albus so in their little meeting. Severus knew very well that Albus would want to talk about the boy. What else would he want to talk about? Albus had given up hope of saving himself…The only person he found more interesting to talk about these days than Potter was Draco Malfoy, and even then Potter somehow always came back into the conversation.

Walking up to the gargoyles, Severus gave the password and began up the moving staircase, pausing only long enough to knock on the door. "Come in, Severus!" Albus called out.

He sighed and stepped in. "You wished to see me, Albus?"

"Sit, my boy, sit," Albus said with a cheery smile.

Severus's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Obediently he sat in the chair in front of Albus's desk, sitting rigidly at the edge.

"Relax, my boy," Albus said with a smile. "You aren't in trouble."

"I should hope not," Severus snorted. "Why am I here?"

"Several reasons," Albus explained, sitting up straight in his seat. "First of all, I would like for you to tell me your feelings for Harry Potter."

Severus froze, staring as blankly as he could manage at his employer. "I do not see-"

"You love him, don't you?" Albus asked with a sad smile.

Severus said nothing, only eying him suspiciously. He did his best to keep himself perfectly calm, breathing deeply and refusing to let anything show. He was not prepared for this. "I do not intend to do anything inappropriate with the boy, Albus."

"I know you very well, Severus…After all of these years. And you must admit, I have a knack for reading people," Albus said kindly. "Feel free to speak openly with me, Severus. I have no intentions of getting you into trouble."

"You have a tendency of being quite annoying, Albus," Severus said blandly.

Albus chuckled. "Ah, of course. But that does not answer my question. Do you love Harry, Severus?"

Taking a deep breath, Severus hesitantly answered. "Yes, I believe I do. Which is why, Albus, I would request to hire Harry a private tutor…I do not think it would be wise to have him in my class or for him to serve detention with me or anything. I do not intend to do anything immoral, but I believe it would be safe to-"

"No, no, Severus," Albus said, holding up his hands. "Forgive me for interrupting, but you have the wrong idea."

Severus raised his eyebrow and Albus just smiled.

"When I first thought of you and Harry having feelings for one another, I must say, I was mildly surprised. I cannot say I was immediately accepting of the idea. Perhaps not for the prejudices our community has faced for thousands of years…I am perfectly accepting of your sexuality. But there was the matter of age, your positions, and the fact that you both seemed to hate one another for a very long time…While I always knew you would both get along if given the chance, I never imagined it would become so…strong.

"I have come to face very important facts since then, Severus. I know that…the ability to love is perhaps Harry's greatest strength. And maybe even the thing you fear most. Do you deny this, Severus?" Albus asked with a reassuring smile and Severus only scowled at him. "Love, my dear boy, is a very powerful thing. And I think that it is something that will do you both a great deal of good…and I am under the firm belief that it is a gift you both well deserve.

"Harry loves you greatly, Severus. I saw that the day you nearly died. I heard it in his voice as he screamed for my help and I saw it in the way he looked at you while we brought you back to the castle. You are not doing yourself much good in denying your feelings…I cannot force you to do anything, Severus, but I must encourage you not to deny him or yourself."

Severus did not squirm in discomfort was he was so tempted to, nor did he interrupt the headmaster's speech, as he was also tempted to. He sat, letting the words wash over him, trying not to feel so uneasy by the very thought of love or doing something about it. He wanted to take it all back and refuse it and call Albus crazy for saying such a thing. It obviously wasn't getting him where he wanted to be.

"I think you should resume Harry's lessons," Albus added.

"You want me to…involve myself…with a student?" Severus demanded, voice cooler and calmer than he felt. "There are laws, Albus, and school rules."

Albus nodded his head slowly. "I am not encouraging you to have sex with the boy, Severus," he said, though he said it in such a manner that Severus assumed there wouldn't be many consequences if he did. Albus, to his credit, didn't seem entirely sure of what he was saying.

"It is wrong, Albus," Severus said, trying to keep the pleading out of his voice.

"Love is never wrong, Severus," Albus said quietly. "Give it a chance, Severus. I think you could both be happy, if you would let love take its course."

Severus snorted, feeling nauseous. At the same time, though, he felt a strange…something in his stomach and in his chest. He almost felt relieved or excited or something pleasant due to Albus's encouragement.

"This is ridiculous," Severus said.

Albus just kept smiling. Severus hated him for it. "At the very least resume the boy's lessons. He really does need them…What lessons I will be having with him aren't…quite everything he will need. And I have every faith in your ability to teach him, Severus," Albus said, an amused twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Of course," Severus said dully, feeling very much like this was his doom. He was just going to have to be better, stronger, he told himself determinedly. He was not going to just fall over and give in to all of this silliness, even if the headmaster was encouraging him to do so. Albus Dumbledore saying something was okay, did not automatically make it right.

He couldn't do that.

"Now, the only thing I have left to say is about Draco Malfoy," Albus said. "Do keep an eye on him, Severus. Help him…And keep me informed of what is happening with him. I am hopeful that his friendship with Harry Potter will keep him from making an awful mistake. He has the uncanny ability to bring out the best or the worst in people…Let us pray it is the former in this situation."

"Is that all, headmaster?" Severus asked.

"Of course. You may leave now, Severus…You have your first Defense lesson to prepare for tomorrow," Albus said with a smile.

Severus nodded and stood up, trying not to look so eager to leave the man's insufferable presence. Really…suggesting he engage in some sort of relationship with Harry Potter! The man was certainly only making the strong temptation the boy posed even stronger. It was almost as if fate was trying to shove them together. Severus scoffed at the thought. Whatever it was was going to have to work a lot harder. Severus Snape was not giving in that easily.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

What was he doing here? Harry shifted nervously on his feet as he walked around the desk in Snape's office. He uncertainly slipped off his Invisibility Cloak and folded it over his arm, raising his fist and hovering it just barely away from the wall. Maybe he should wait and approach the man tomorrow about lessons.

Hearing that Snape had been given the Defense Against the Dark Arts post had honestly worried him. Wasn't it bad enough that Snape had to be a spy? No, he had to be given a cursed position on top of it all. There were…not so dangerous ways for teachers to not return. Maybe he would be given the potions position back…or he could quit or…something. It didn't have to necessarily be anything bad, did it?

Taking a deep breath, Harry knocked on the wall, though perhaps not loud enough. Apparently it didn't matter much, as the door behind him burst open and Harry jumped and spun around. Snape stood in the doorway, frozen, just staring at him for a moment.

"Very well, Potter. We will start your private lessons Wednesday afternoon. You can return to bed now," the man said stiffly.

"Oh…umm…thanks?" Harry said, surprised. Harry looked around for a moment, not sure if someone was Polyjuiced as Snape again or if it was a prank or something.

"I have no intentions of toying with your emotions again, Potter, you may leave now," Snape said, sounding incredibly irritated. Harry blinked in surprise and slowly nodded his head.

"Erm…Right," Harry said, still feeling confused, though he began moving. "Umm…Congrats on the new…job, sir."

"Good night, Potter."

Suddenly he out in the corridor, a door being slammed in his face.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Author's Note:

Chapter title lyrics from "The Edge of Paradise" by Kamelot.
- 33
- 34
- 35
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lost and Damned