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Coming of Age (Female Potter)	By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 11694 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Tension broken, he hugs her again and says, “Thank you, Evie”. She looks up and grins devilishly at him and tells him he owes her one, now – and he raises an eyebrow and replies slowly, “...Is that so?” The look he’s giving her is calling her bluff, in a way – like he’s not only called her bet, but doubled down on the ante as well. Leaving her feeling like whenever she’s ready, he’s willing...and he’ll make sure it’s worth her time, too.
All the sudden, Evie feels like the floor has just dropped out from under her, her grin fading as she looks into his eyes, flushing with the heat of completely unexpected desire. She’s never particularly been attracted to him before now – not that she ever found him particularly unattractive at any point either, but, he was her teacher first, and then Sirius eclipsed everyone else completely for her. He was already together with Tonks when Sirius died, so there was no consideration to be made of him at that point either. And even in the years they've been living under the same roof now, he's just been the same as always to her - a mentor, and a good friend.
But something about his confident masculinity…both this morning, when he knew she’d be finding him naked on the bed (and had a quip ready to put her at ease with), and just now, in rising to her challenge automatically, lobbying her serve right back to her. She’s never really experienced that – she was the persuader, the confident one, with both Sirius and Severus, at least initially. But Remus is completely different…now she feels like the one who is lost at sea, out of her element.
He looks deeply into her eyes for a long moment, as if to make sure of what he’s seeing there, and then nods to himself. He takes her hand and leads her to a seat at the table, and he sits down also. He says, “Evie – we have both suffered great losses, and each of us knows what the other has lost, probably better than anyone else could. We also both understand that our hearts are given to others and always will be. Nobody can replace Severus in your heart; nobody can replace Tonks in mine.”
She nods, and he continues, “But, neither of us has stopped living, nor can we. We sometimes might feel like we want to stop living, but we won’t; if for no other reason than we know our children need us too much.” At this, she has a quick flash of Severus having said much the same to her, when she decided to return back to the living; and tears start in her eyes but she nods at Remus to keep going, she’s okay.
“Because we have chosen to live, we’re also still subject to the same things the living always are; and that is going to include desire. It’s going to happen to us, it’s just part of life. What we do with it is entirely up to us and our own personal comfort levels. We can take care of it ourselves, we can seek meaningless liaisons, or we can seek more permanent or meaningful ones.”
“However, the biggest care that you and I have to take, if we do ever seek out something with another person when it isn’t already understood upfront by both to be completely meaningless, is that we don’t mislead the other person in any way, as to where our real loyalties lie and always will lie. It would be extremely cruel to lead someone else into believing that they can have all of our hearts, when we already know that they cannot.”
He pauses for a bit to let her digest this, and then goes on when she nods. “Now – you are a desirable, attractive woman, Evie. I’d be a fool if I didn’t notice; I said as much to Sirius the day I laid him out in the living room. But, I don’t know what your comfort level is, in fact I’m not sure you’ve even tried to define it for yourself yet. I do however know where you stand already, as you know where I do; we could not mislead one another that way.”
She hadn’t really thought about it that way, but realizes he’s right – there are very few men out there who she could explain that kind of thing to in a way they’d understand, to the same degree that he does. And anyone who hadn’t ever lost someone would really never understand, they’d probably always have some idea that eventually she’d ‘get over it’ and be fully theirs. And would be disappointed or hurt when she didn’t.
He waits until she looks up at him again and says, “Last night, you satisfied my desire, even when I didn’t ask you to, because you couldn’t just leave me in that state; and you said just now that I’d likely have done the same for you, were the roles reversed. And actually, you’re more right than you know; you don’t have to change into a beast to still have that kind of need at some point too."
She blushes a bit and he gives her a half-smile and goes on, "But, you need to decide for yourself first what you’re comfortable with. If being with someone else, no matter who it was, would feel like a betrayal to you, then you should not do it because it will leave you feeling worse instead of better. And there is absolutely no universally wrong or right answer for what that comfort level is or should be, it’s a completely individual thing.”
Touching her face, he finishes, “I am here for you if you need me, Evie. To whatever degree that you need me; and I’m satisfied with whatever level it settles out on as well. I have a sort of outlet that you don’t have; and while I certainly wouldn’t recommend that anyone get themselves infected with lycanthropy to be able to have that themselves, still it is at least one benefit that I have, that you don’t. My mind may not be able to recall it afterwards, but my body still does. I’m willing to give you any help you want or need; the same way you were willing to for me, and probably for much the same reason.”
“Now, as I know I’ve given you some things to think about that are better digested on one’s own, I think I’ll go outside and join the children.” He smiles as he says this, and she smiles back – and is somewhat amused that even now, he’s still her ‘teacher’. He hasn’t actually had any more time to process all of this himself than she has, as Tonks and Severus were killed within hours of one another; but it’s clear that he has thought it out for himself already, while she has barely begun to. Of course, he’s also older too, more life-experience; even if he’s never experienced this kind of loss before, still he’d have other experiences to draw on that she wouldn’t.
She putters about the house for the rest of the day, mulling over what he’s said. She decides that she doesn’t actually have to decide right now anyway, he basically said as much himself; it’s just something to think about. In the late afternoon, Ron and Hermione show up, to give the news that they’re expecting; and Evie insists that they stay for dinner.
The four of them have quite a convivial evening, one of the best she’s had in some time. When they go, she settles with Remus on the couch; he has his arm up on the back of it and she decides to sit right next to him. He drapes his arm around her, and they sit in comfortable silence; and finally she tells him that she doesn’t think she’s ready for anything more just yet, but that she’s glad he’s there. He squeezes her and tells her that it’s okay if she never wants anything more than she does right now; he just wanted her to know that it was also okay if she did.
He puts his hand under her chin to bring her around to look him in the eye, and says, “There is one more thing – while we both know our hearts belong to others, that does not also mean there can’t be room in each of our hearts for others in time, too. You still loved Sirius, for example; you just didn’t love him as deeply as you loved Severus, nor will you ever. But he still occupied a place in your heart all the same and also always will, even if it’s not the biggest part.”
She thinks about this for a moment and nods, she understands exactly what he’s saying. He goes on to say that there’s no telling what the future will bring to either of them; they could grow closer, they could remain the same, they could each find other people somewhere down the road. But, no matter what, he will always care about her; because he always did care about her, even back when he was only her teacher. She smiles at him and he hugs her, and she settles back against him comfortably.
Talk then turns to Ron and Hermione’s news, and then to some of their respective exploits while at Hogwarts; and by the time they’re both ready for bed, they’ve been laughing so much that it’s not at all uncomfortable or awkward to still be going their separate ways at the end of the hallway.
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Coming of Age (Female Potter)