All That You Leave Behind

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It seemed, to Harry's suddenly hyper sensitive mind, that Severus was everywhere. Ok, they lived in the same house, but even so, Severus had his own suite, so why was Harry seeing so much of the older man? His mind was filled with thoughts of Severus, and his skin tingled at the idea of touching Severus, and his cock throbbed at the notion of being touched by Severus...


God! This has got to stop! Harry told himself firmly. I'm married. Happily married. It's just obsession, just lust cos I'm not able to be with Ginny. It's nothing else.


But still, he always knew when Severus came into a room, and he noticed the huffs of annoyance the other man would make as he read the Daily Prophet, and he identified the little ways Severus showed his approval and pleasure - the slight lilt at the corner of his mouth, the erasing of the scowl; and he saw just how happy Severus was - in his quiet way - to be living with them.


But better, far better, was when Severus sat beside him and would happen to brush against Harry. Harry liked the feeling, liked it very much, but wasn't sure what it meant. He knew he loved Severus, as a friend, as a confidante, as a ... what? He enjoyed being touched by the ex-teacher, and tried to justify it that he had been starved of touches as a child, and had always liked being touched as an adult. He justified it by thinking that he hadn't slept with Ginny for a long time, and that was making him overly sensitive to touching.


Having justified it, Harry relaxed on the sofa.


Severus had been aware of some subtle change in Harry over the past few days, and rather liked it. His ‘accidental’ brushes against Harry’s body were always met with an involuntary move closer, and a slight, very slight, reaction of pleasure. Severus was a master at spotting small gestures, and he spotted just how often Harry began to lean in when Severus stroked an arm or leg, or ran his fingers across Harry's shoulders, brushing unruly hair aside.


The tiny shiver at that last action made Severus heart (and prick!) lurch. Harry was so sensitive to touches. Harry didn't seem to realise just how dependant he was upon them. As, now, when he sat down, just four days after this weird thing had begun, Harry shuffled until he was resting against Severus' side, and he had done so without realising what it was he had done.


Silence fell between them. Harry was lost in an internal struggle, trying not to notice the incredible shininess of Sev’s raven black hair; or the stark contrast provided by the white streak; or the way that Sev’s hair had blue and almost purple tints to it; or the creases in the worn face, especially the one that slid around Severus’ mouth; or the deep blackness of the onyx eyes…


Severus snorted and brought the paper close to Harry's face. "Read that!" he growled.


Harry did, only too aware of the long fingers curled delicately around the paper, holding it steady for him; aware too of the surprisingly soft brush of the white streak against his cheek as Severus leaned close. He could hear the other breathing; could feel his chest moving up and down. He was very aware of the press of Severus’ thigh against his own; the heat that came from the other man...he mentally shook himself - he was meant to be reading the article!


The words on the page made no kind of sense to him, so he shook his head in mock outrage after pretending to have understood it.


Luckily, Severus made no comment, and settled back onto his own part of the couch, leaving Harry with a vague feeling of loneliness.


He noticed the older man looking at him thoughtfully, and felt his face heat up. He felt so hot pressed against Severus, but couldn’t seem to make himself move away.


The low rumble of Severus chuckling reached his ears, and he looked up, a little unnerved at how close the other’s lips were to him; feeling as if those endless black eyes were looking straight through him, seeing his secret.


"Your mind seems to be elsewhere," that chocolate rich voice murmured.


Harry had been focusing on the shapes the mouth made, and it took him a moment or two to process the words. When he did he felt his cheeks burn hotter.


The faint note of amusement in the man’s tone only enhanced the feeling of being caught out in his little fantasies. He gulped audibly and said shakily, "N-No…I just ...I..."


The man laughed softly again and said almost teasingly, "You used to dither like that in school when you'd been caught doing something you shouldn't have, Harry. Have you been doing something you … shouldn't?"


Again Harry gulped, jolts of panic shooting through him. He couldn't possibly know! He wouldn't...he wouldn't use Legilimency on me...he wouldn't....and I'd feel it if he did! He doesn't know! He can't! Harry's mind spat feverishly. "No...I've been a good boy," he said, looking anywhere but at the eyes (and that sinful mouth!) that he could now feel boring into him. Stop it! He admonished himself.


Then Sev's hand was on his, clasping it warmly as he said gently, "I know you, Harry. You're hiding something. You can tell me, you know. It'll be our secret."


Secret, Harry thought, it would definitely have to be that!


Wait! What am I thinking?! I'm married. And a man. A married man! Oh Merlin, this is so wrong!


"Harry," Severus said, slipping an arm around Harry's shoulders nudging him out of his own betraying thoughts, "when you keep things inside, they tend to swell until what was once perhaps…small… grows to become monstrous, straining to be released, desperate for attention. Something like that can drive you mad, you know."


Harry felt his mouth grow dry listening to the man's words. Oh Merlin...it was straining alright!


"Ex-excuse me, S-Sev," Harry stammered, "...loo....I need...the loo!"


He bolted from the sofa, rushing to his destination and slamming the door behind him. He leaned against the door, closing his eyes and panting heavily.


Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh FUCK! he thought, bewildered, How did this happen?! When did Sev...his Sev, go from being his mentor and friend to being the object of forbidden lust?! When did he become so....sexy!? What is wrong with me??!?


At that moment there was nothing he wanted more than to take out his straining cock and wank himself raw to the image of those black eyes and that mouth and the sound of that voice!


He caught his own hand inching lower and wrenched it back, guilt flooding him instantly. No! You can't do this! You're married! You love your wife! She's just given you a son and this is what you're thinking of?!


Harry's hand clenched into a fist and he thumped a wall dejectedly. What the hell is wrong with me? he thought, tears pricking at the back of his eyes. What is wrong with me?!


You love Ginny! And James! And this is wrong, so wrong! So just stop it! It's...it's just because you want Ginny so much!


It's been so long and you're just frustrated. That's all. You'd hump anything you could right now! And Sev...he doesn’t want you! What are you thinking?!


Harry made his shaky way to the sink and ran the water until it was freezing, splashing his face, trying to cool the heat in his cheeks and the guilt in his heart.


He suddenly jerked upright, splashing water all about, at the soft knock at the door.


"Harry?" came the voice he both loved and, at that moment, dreaded to hear. "Are you alright?"


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Btw....Smut alert next chapter!