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Harry Potter and the Expert Potions Master	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 21308 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 34 - Peace Cottage

Despite finally expressing what had been true for a long time, their relationship didn't outwardly change. It was their physical relations that altered as Snape became so careful of Harry that the Auror sometimes wanted to scream in frustration and beg for a good pounding, but he knew his partner regretted the weeks he had let his passion over-rule him, and was making amends.

Severus still kept himself quiet, holding his emotions firmly in check, and Harry was still as passionate and impulsive as ever. Being Severus, encouraging communication from him about his emotions or hidden thoughts was still problematic. However, both men tried to communicate more openly, and a number of discussions were begun in which their future offspring were discussed, where they would live, and how they would go about bringing up their children. Most of the discussions degenerated into tender sex as they got aroused at the thought of jointly creating life, but in between, a new relationship was tentatively developing. Well, so each man hoped.

Snape had also spent time preparing Harry for the visit from Hemlock Polonium, and this had increased when the letter had come requesting an appointment on July 20th, at 10am at Harry's home.

The two men had gone back to Twelve, Grimmauld Place and worked hard in one of the spare rooms to create a better laboratory than the one Harry had temporarily set up all that time ago. Severus had tidied one of the small cupboards and spent a small fortune stocking it with, as he put it, “a few basics”. Harry, when he had seen the small room filled from floor to ceiling with jars, boxes and hanging items, had merely gaped.

“A few basics?!” he had choked. “This must have cost you thousands!”

Snape had closed in behind Harry, crowding them both into the store cupboard. “This has been my choice, Evans. But if you feel so undeserving, I'm sure I can find an acceptable payment.”

It was the first time Severus had shown some slight aggression since they had visited the two witches, and it made Harry yearn for a good quick fuck rather than the careful exploration that Severus had recently been making of his body. He had dropped his trousers and clung onto a shelf as Severus had quickly freed his cock and plunged it into the channel he always ached to possess.

Now, July 20^th was here and Harry, ass aching a little in that way he enjoyed, was waiting for the arrival of the tester. Severus had not accompanied him, making him feel rather lonely and vulnerable, but, as the older man had said, “I recommended you, it would seem a little odd if I were here to watch over the proceedings. Plus, my doing so would be very out of character, and neither of us wants to do anything that draws attention to our relationship.”

So, Harry waited alone, nervously twisting his hands into his plain white shirt. He would have been happy in t-shirt and jeans, but Severus had insisted he dress more formally. He had lost that argument (and thoroughly enjoyed paying the penalty on his knees sucking Severus to climax) and was now wearing a simple white shirt, open at the neck, which was supposedly tucked into black trousers. His fiddling with it had pulled it free, and he shoved it back into his waist band as he heard the clock chime ten.

There was a 'pop' and the man testing Harry appeared on the street. Not sure what spells still protected the house, he had stepped into the road and greeted the wizard.

Potion Master Polonium was slender and shrivelled, rather like a dried dragon's heart. His face was waxy looking, but his eyes were fiercely intelligent. They never settled for long anywhere, Harry noted, as they flicked along the street before eyeing the door, and then glanced at Harry himself.

“Mr Potter,” Polonium's voice was like a rusty gate, wheezing and screeching. He waved a hand to indicate Harry should lead the way inside, and the test began.

Severus tried not to worry about Harry. The younger man was certainly capable of proving he deserved the accolade Snape had suggested, so long as he kept his head. Now that Harry had completed qualifications, and passed Auror training, Severus knew that his idiotic partner could cope with high stress situations.

He told himself over and over that Harry would be fine. He certainly didn't need Snape there holding his hand. After all, what good had Severus been recently? He had come close to sexually abusing Harry and it scared him that he could hold such dark passions inside and let them out; he had thought his control better than that. In the end, fighting down the urge to pace endlessly up and down the carpet, he had gone to Peace Cottage – the beautiful house Yolanda and Beth had gone to after being released from hospital with their children.

Peace Cottage was glorious, and hidden from casual visitors by layer upon layer of magic. Severus had, of course, been granted access to their hideaway, and now went there, primarily to distract himself, but also to check that the new family were well.

Beth opened the door, Jamie in her arms. She smiled warmly at the older man and jerked her head in the direction of the living room, where Yolanda sat on the floor, changing Harmony's nappy.

“Severus,” Yolanda's greeting was warm, far warmer than he was used to from her, and he could only think that having a child had mellowed her.

“You are all well?” he asked, settling on a chair (after having first piled the various essentials of parenthood covering the cushion onto the small side table). The room showed that two young children lived there all too clearly. Surfaces were piled high with nappies and bowls, corners had been magically rounded, a messy heap of baby clothes sat on one chair, waiting to be sorted, when one of the new mothers somehow found the time to do it.

The two women gave matching serene smiles. Even though their eyes showed exhaustion, and their home was in chaos, it was clear how very much they were loving being parents. Severus felt his heart clench. He wanted this for Harry so much. For himself too, but he certainly did not deserve it. However, he admitted wryly to himself, he could live without the mess.

After examining the babies and finding them both completely fine, he had sunk back into the chair, mind churning once again with his desire for Harry to do well and his own darkly spiralling feelings of self-loathing.

“What's got your wand in a knot?” Yolanda asked, picking up a fretting Jamie and rocking him.

Severus shook his head, unable to express his thoughts to these two; he had barely developed the ability to confide in Harry!

Beth had settled on the floor and was gently rocking Harmony. She spoke now in a soothing voice, designed to lull the children to sleep, “Have you and Harry talked any more about children?”

Snape found the quiet tone calming. The worry churning in him stilled. “It's all we talk about,” he confessed, “Harry wants children so very much.”

“Do you?” Yolanda spoke quickly, but her voice was also pitched low.

He nodded. “I have never given much thought to offspring, having always assumed that I would never have any, but I find myself rather desperate to have children with Harry.” He blushed, knowing he was revealing far more of himself than he would have wished.

“We've been talking,” Beth said, still low voiced, “and we would like two more children, perhaps in about eighteen months time. After that, we both think our bodies would value a break from being pregnant, so perhaps a year or so after that would be suitable? If you can wait so long?”

Severus felt an odd mixture of pain and yearning as he saw the long stretch of time ahead of him and Harry before they could become parents. But he knew that he was deeply grateful to these women for offering their wombs to allow him and Harry to even contemplate creating new life. It hurt, the thought of such a prolonged wait, but perhaps it would be for the best – both he and Harry had so far to go before they stopped trying to keep secrets, and Harry would want a chance to settle into his career before he had to worry about raising youngsters. And it would be best for him too: he couldn't be a father while these dark thoughts coloured his mind.

“It's – It's a long time. Longer than we had considered. But I think it will be for the best in the end.”

Yolanda looked hard at him. “You know,” she said, pulling Jamie close and smelling him, adoration in her eyes, “you and Harry could marry.”

Severus frowned at her, and she held up a finger which sported a wedding band. Beth did the same.

“Not official,” Beth explained, “we've made vows to one another and promised to spend the rest of our lives together. So what if no-one else knows. You shouldn't marry for other people, but for you and your partner.”

Once, during an argument, Severus had said something similar to Harry. Neither had brought it up since. Even knowing the younger man loved him – or professed to do so – he felt hesitant at suggesting something like that. Yolanda and Beth had the luxury of not being famous. If Harry suddenly began wearing a wedding ring, everyone would want to know who the 'lucky witch' was. And that was assuming Harry wasn't, even now, thinking of reasons to leave him, for what did he have to offer? Soon Harry would be a Potions Master, and he was an Auror. When would he realise that he had outgrown Snape?

“Maybe,” he said, thinking it unlikely.

Sighing, Yolanda glowered at him. “You have told Harry how you feel, haven't you?!”

He nodded.

“And Harry loves you?” Beth asked, already knowing, after only seeing the two together for a few minutes, that this was true.

He nodded again.

“And you intend to spend your life with him?”

Another nod. He was less sure of that one. He wanted to, very much, but when was Harry going to come to his senses and realise he could do so much better than a man twice his age who couldn't even touch his partner without wanting to possess him. Sometimes longing to hurt and tame the fierce spirited man.

“So why not make the commitment?” Yolanda demanded.

How to explain that he and Harry were not like that? That their relationship was one where so much was left unsaid, purely because he couldn't force the words out. And Harry seemed content not to push or probe at tender subjects. But was it contentment, fear or kindness that kept Harry from asking awkward questions? Was he, even now, still afraid that Severus would leave him? Or worse, did he see how very unsuitable Severus was? How bad Severus was for him?

Standing, Severus quickly took his leave.

Amused and bemused, the two women shared a smile, “I think we gave him plenty of food for thought!”

Harmony began grizzling.

“And speaking of food...”

Severus returned to his house, knowing Harry would join him there once the test was over. This endless waiting made him consider things he'd taken for granted. Harry always came to his house; Snape was curiously reluctant to visit Grimmauld Place and spend time in Harry's home. Was he, even now, unwilling to make the effort to fit in? Harry had adapted to his life easily enough, sharing his bed happily despite pain, and working with him in close confines in the laboratory. But surely they should have been able to fit into one another's lives, not have Harry constantly have to make adjustments.

They'd never, for example, even discussed if Harry wanted to enter Severus. Snape was forever grateful that Harry so enjoyed being taken, but what would he have done had Harry wanted a different dynamic to their sex life? Could he have freely offered himself as easily as Harry did, knowing how vulnerable it made you, how very much you were at another man's mercy, how it changed the dynamic of more than just their physical intimacy, but of their very relationship – he always saw himself as the leader, and Harry the one who fell in with his wishes. Was that a role he wanted Harry to play? Did he simply demand submission from his partner?

Hating himself for all the times he'd simply assumed Harry would agree with his wishes, Severus slumped in a chair, head in his hands. He had to do something to stop the younger man always doing as he wished. The only way he could see was to end things so that Harry would be free to find himself a far better partner – one who shared with him, trusted Harry, and made an effort to fit into Harry's life. Someone, in fact, who would do all the things Snape hadn't. Even after Harry reassuring him that he wasn't a disappointment, he still felt those same emotions – he was a failure as a human being. Harry thought they were fine together but Severus kept all his fear and self-loathing locked away.

“Severus!” Harry's voice was loud and, because the house was so small, gave Snape almost no time to pull his mask back into place.

Harry crashed into the room, smiling broadly. His smile faltered when he saw the older man. “Severus?! What the hell's happened?!” He dropped to his knees before his partner and stared into conflicted black eyes.

“Don't,” Severus said, tugging on Harry's arm, trying to get him to stand up, “don't kneel before me. You're not my servant.”
“I never thought I was,” Harry retorted, confused, but stood up and paced away, putting space between himself and this infuriating man. “What is it? What's got you in a snit?”

Severus sneered. “I do not get in 'snits'! I have been doing some thinking whilst you have been busy. I know thinking is something you rarely do, but others of us find it helpful!” He wanted to hurt Harry, to make this man see him for what he truly was, and it was working. Pain filled the green eyes before being replaced by anger.

“And what has that great brain of yours decided?” he snarled, voice full of sarcasm and hurt.

“We don't work.”

Harry stared in horror at Severus. “W – we don't work?” he gasped, “What do you mean?”

“I would have thought it perfectly obvious,” Snape snapped, hardening his heart, “you and I, Potter, will never be a true partnership. You will always acquiesce to my demands, and always spread your legs like a cheap whore, letting me do as I wish to you, and you will never, ever, know the true me.”

Confusion and anger warred inside Harry. “Is that what you think of me?” he asked, rage throbbing in every syllable, “A cheap whore who is good enough to fuck but not share your life with?”

Severus saw the despair and distress in Harry's expression and longed to ease the pain, but he had to drive this young man away before he wasted years on Snape and learnt to resent the time wasted.

Harry spoke quickly, “What the hell has brought this on? You were interested in getting me nominated as a Potions Master a few hours ago! You've done nothing but talk about our children for the past few weeks, and now you say we've got nothing real?”

“What about all the secrets I kept for months, Harry? What about the secrets you kept? And the desire I have to punish you? You can't think we're a functional couple!”

Taking a deep breath, Harry fought for control. He had done a lot of growing up over the past two years and knew continuing the argument would lead nowhere. He knew the doubts that assailed Severus, the regret the older man felt at his use of Harry. Long years of experience of being verbally abused by this man had taught him a thing or two. So he tried a different tack. “Okay,” he began, “if you want me to go. Really really want me to go, then just say the words.” There was a pause, “All you've got to do,” he challenged, “is tell me you want me to go. That's it. Go on, do it.”

Severus opened his mouth, but his throat was dry and his face wet. Crying. He was crying. He never cried. Hugging himself, he shook his head at the thought of losing Harry. It would be so simple to do – just say a few words, tell one more lie in a life filled with them, and watch as everything that made his life worth living walked away.

His arms were pushed open, and a strong young body pressed against him, pulling his head down onto a bony shoulder as he shuddered at the thought of loneliness. Of not having Harry.

“We'll talk about this later,” Harry promised, his voice still angry, “I'm still pissed at you.”

But he held onto the older man, wondering what the hell had changed to make Snape try to push him away. Even amongst his anger and pain, he knew that Severus didn't want them to part, but for some reason, Snape thought they should. Probably, some stupid noble reason like it being 'best for me'.

Harry clung onto Severus, unwilling to loosen his hold with the other man so clearly having lost the plot. He stroked the black hair and spoke seriously, “You try something like that again and I'll kick your arse from here to Hogwarts and back, and I still won't leave you.”
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Harry Potter and the Expert Potions Master