Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Endurance	By : WinterRaven Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 29171 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of Harry Potter universe. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-One
- 2-Two
- 3-Three
- 4-Four
- 5-Five
- 6-Six
- 7-Seven
- 8-Eight
- 9-Nine
- 10-Ten
- 11-Eleven
- 12-Twelve
- 13-Thirteen
- 14-Fourteen
- 15-Fifteen
- 16-Sixteen
- 17-Seventeen
- 18-Eighteen
- 19-Nineteen
- 20-Twenty
- 21-Twenty-One
- 22-Twenty-Two
- 23-Twenty-Three
- 24-Twenty-Four
- 25-Twenty-Five
- 26-Twenty-Six
- 27-Twenty-Seven
- 28-Twenty-Eight
- 29-Twenty-Nine
- 30-Thirty
- 31-Thirty-One
- 32-Thirty-Two
- 33-Thirty-Three
- 34-Thirty-Four
- 35-Thirty-Five
- 36-Thirty-Six
- 37-Thirty-Seven
- 38-Thirty-Eight
- 35
- 36
- 37
A/N: Thank you to all my lovely readers for sticking with my story! Special thanks to Sincerely and delia cerrano for reviews/comments.

Sincerely – You made me feel great about my writing. I appreciate your comment! I thought I was losing my touch and it made me lose my confidence, but now I feel a lot better. : )

Delia – I promise, your questions/concerns will be answered. Harry’s seeming obsession/connection with Elisha stems from his past losses. He’s never truly had a blood connection with someone, but as we know from the canon and this story, that’s all Harry’s ever wanted. I’m going to try my best to wrap everything up nicely. Thanks again for reading! Enjoy the chapter.

Thirty-Six

How can we win?

The thought crossed Harry’s mind countless times as he was informed on the events happening in the Wizarding world. He felt sick to his stomach, imbibing the knowledge of the countless deaths, the danger the world had fallen into so quickly while he sulked away in a bedroom. He felt twinges of guilt, growing ever more persistent, but he tried to hold on to a shred of hope, of perseverance.

Still, as Dumbledore finished relaying the details, plans of attack to him and to the rest of the crowd, Harry’s thoughts drifted… How can we win?

“The spell Elisha performed on you is incredibly rare and powerful,” Dumbledore boomed, looking directly into Harry’s eyes. Harry’s attention immediately snapped back into focus. The entire room was silent, waiting, it seemed, with bated breath for more details, but Dumbledore was vague: “The only way to harness the gift she left you is to look within. The answers lie at your fingertips, Harry, but only you will know how to fetch them.”

I have to look within?

Harry closed his eyes, ignoring the countless others that were staring straight at him. He stopped being self-conscious in that moment and took a deep breath, allowing the oxygen to enter and nourish his lungs, to fill his abdomen, to push clean blood through his body. His heart pumped a little quicker but he harnessed nervousness before it could overcome him. He had to remain aware, in control.

Elisha, what did you want me to find? What did you need me to do?

He was tired of being weak, of being a slave to his emotions. He was tired of succumbing to his fears. Harry was tired of allowing himself to break. In that moment, where he stood among the awed crowd, he made a choice: to accept his fears and worries, to accept all of Elisha’s, but to move away from them. He wouldn’t let himself be dominated or defined by those negative forces anymore.

Stay positive.

Was that what Elisha wanted Harry to have, a positive outlook? Would that suffice? Did Harry’s strength come from his belief in himself? Would he be able to access the powers she gave him if he cleared his mind and allowed himself to move forward?

Harry opened his eyes again. He breathed out a long, low sigh.

“You’re right,” he whispered up at Dumbledore. “I do have to look within… and when I find what I am seeking, we can win this battle. I can get truly involved.”

Dumbledore nodded, his white beard gleaming. He seemed proud that Harry decided to master himself, to push aside his demons to help the greater good.

“We have already begun executing our plans,” the old man said, his voice echoing throughout the room. There was a soft murmur of assent. “We have gathered a good amount of intelligence on Voldemort’s whereabouts. We do have our suspicions, however, that he will try to capture an Order member, to possibly torture and kill. We must be careful, we must be vigilant, but we cannot stop fighting.”

The room fell silent again. Harry also said nothing.

“It seems as if the Dark side is becoming more desperate by the day,” Dumbledore continued. “The amount of senseless killing has increased but there is no pattern to the madness. Perhaps, Voldemort does not have a plan himself. Elisha truly caused a tremor within Voldemort and we must be grateful to her for buying us time.”

Many in the room nodded.

“Most of you here did not know Elisha Snape,” Dumbledore said, his light eyes roaming the room filled to the brim with rapt listeners. “Most of you did not even know that Severus Snape had a child. But it is because of this girl that we have the advantage. It is because of her sacrifice that we can meet in this house, in secret, and in safety. She was a good soul.” Dumbledore paused and said in a smaller voice, “There has been incredible destruction in the past weeks. We’ve witnessed our world crumbling before our very eyes. We’ve witnessed families torn apart, unnecessary deaths of wizards and witches and Muggles alike. We’ve witnessed the terror that Voldemort wants to inflict upon us… but we have also witnessed great courage, from countless people in this room who have taken a stand to fight, from Elisha Snape for sacrificing her life, and for Harry Potter, who, despite his own trepiditons, has agreed to join us.”

The cheers erupted again. Harry bowed his head in humility.

“Remember,” Dumbledore said. “Remember all we have lost so far, but more importantly, remember all we have gained. Perhaps this was the greatest lesson Elisha left us. She was young, yes, but she was wise beyond her years. Remember, the night is darkest before the dawn… and our dawn is soon approaching.”

The room broke into applause and shouts and Harry retreated back into his mind. He felt, almost distantly, Draco grab and squeeze his hand… But Harry did not focus on him. He couldn’t.

He remembered her, Elisha.

Her gift, her life, her power, her pain, her joy. They were his now. They were truly and utterly connected.

How can we win? Harry thought again but this time he was reassured, with a voice that wasn’t entirely his, the same ethereal voice that had woken him from his coma over the summer, the same voice that had guided him through his pain. He felt Elisha’s strength emerge and become his own.

How will we win?

With faith.

*

The meeting was adjourned as quickly as it began but Harry didn’t have a moment to himself. Before he could blink back into reality, before he could turn to speak to anyone, turn to Dumbledore, he felt a strong hand grip his wrist and yank him. Harry glanced up in surprise to find Snape tugging him through the crowd, squeezing onto the boy’s arm.

“Come,” the man whispered, looking sullen and sick and pale. People were glancing over at them, confused. Harry was too. He caught a glimpse of a worried Draco, a worried Lucius, Remus Lupin’s suspicious eyes—

“What’s up?” Harry asked Snape as they finally escaped from the crowded kitchen, into the sanctuary of the silent hallway. Snape let go of him, his arms falling to the side almost listlessly.

“Did you understand the instructions Dumbledore relayed to you?” Snape asked, his voice low. He swooped down so that he and Harry were on eye level. Harry couldn’t help but look away quickly; Snape’s stare was too earnest, too intense.

Too much like Elisha.

“Harry,” Snape repeated urgently. “Did you understand?”

Harry sighed.

“I think I do,” the boy said slowly. “The only way I can access Elisha’s powers is to… release my fears—”

“That’s only part of it,” Snape murmured, glancing around the hall, as if worried someone would overhear them. “I think I understand what Dumbledore was saying. It all clicked in my mind a few minutes ago.”

“What?” Harry said. He felt his heart starting to beat a little quicker.

“You’re correct in saying that only way to truly ‘look within’ is to open your mind… But there’s more… The only way to open your mind is to reverse Occulmency, to break down the barriers put forward, to re-release the memories held inside,” Snape whispered.

“Reverse Occulmency? You mean my own—?” Harry started but he jolted to a stop when Snape held up his hand.

“No,” the man said, shaking his head. There was a sudden glimmer in his dark eyes. Harry felt a pull of pity, of pain. “You’re not going to reverse your Occulmency… You’re going to break Elisha’s.”

*

The two had stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Snape’s statement rang in Harry’s ears. He didn’t know how, but he found himself back upstairs in his bedroom, sitting on a spare chair, while Snape paced the room, like some sort of caged, frenzied beast.

Breaking into Elisha’s mind… a daunting task, but it made horrible, gruesome, almost ironic sense. If she left Harry her powers and her emotions, she would leave him parts of her mind too, her memories, her hopes and dreams and fears. The thought of breaking into those memories, however, made Harry feel squeamish, almost as if he were violating her in some way.

Elisha was always so private, so determined to close herself off from Harry, to sever their connection… and now, Harry had to break it.

Snape seemed to feel similarly. He looked agitated, out of control. Harry remembered Snape over the summer— the man always had a slight level of stress about him, but he was put together, his emotions kept raveled tight. Now… he was spilling.

“How are we going to do this?” Harry finally asked. He was tired of the quiet and wondered where everyone else was in the house, why no one had bothered to try to find where he and Snape had snuck off to. Harry almost felt as if he and Snape were doing something wrong, being holed up like this. In secret.

“How?” Snape repeated. He turned on his heel and paced some more, wringing his hands. “Well, we know how, don’t we? I have to use Legilimency to break into your head until you see something that can help our cause.”

A long pause.

“Why… why do you have to do it?” Harry finally whispered.

Snape froze, his back to Harry.

A thrum of nervousness filled the room, incredible tension that was thick, suffocating. Harry felt paralyzed at his question, knowing it probably would invoke a bad reaction in Snape.

The man turned around with agonizing slowness. Their eyes locked again. Snape was not holding back his tears now.

“She—she was my daughter,” he choked. “I deserve to know what was going on in her mind.”

Harry took a deep breath. Something in him was saying no, telling him to speak up, to stop this.

“With all due respect… are you sure that’s what Elisha would have wanted?” the boy whispered, his hands clenched in fists. “For you to be the one to help uncover her memories?”

Snape looked as if he had been punched.

“Are you telling me that I didn’t understand my daughter? Are you saying she wanted to hide something from me?” Snape snarled, advancing forward.

Harry stood quickly from his seat, almost jumping. He scanned the room quickly; neither he nor Snape had wands, so if they fought, it couldn’t get too deadly—

“I didn’t say such a thing,” Harry replied, trying to keep his voice even. “All I’m saying is that we need to examine what your daughter wanted, not what you wanted—”

“Potter—!”

“She gave me the memories, Snape!” Harry barked, suddenly filled with a rage that was not his own. “Me! Did you forget that?”

Snape laughed harshly, his eyes wide.

“She gave them to you out of necessity,” the man slammed back.

Harry moved forward, so he and Snape were toe-to-toe. The boy was now filled with a newfound daring, recklessness. They were his own emotions, but also not his…

“Be that as it may,” Harry snarled, Elisha’s rage still carrying him, “if she wanted you to see what was in her head, she would have been a little more open with you when she was alive, don’t you think?”

“You fucking brat!” Snape screamed. He pushed Harry backward so the boy tumbled over the chair he had been sitting on, but Harry threw himself back upright just as fast as he fell. “Did you forget everything I did for you, Potter? Did you forget it was me who rescued you from your inevitable death? Me who housed you, who cared for you—”

“I didn’t forget, Snape! I never will forget but you’re the one provoking me!” Harry snarled. The boy cracked his neck, suddenly ready for the situation to escalate. “I know what you want,” the boy whispered. “I know what’s driving you right now. You want to fight with me, Snape?” Harry spat, throwing the chair aside into a wall with a kick. “C’mon.”

This was the second time he had seen Snape lose control, the second time the man attacked him, but this time, there was no one to intervene, no Lupin to break into the room in time. They were alone. They could do as they pleased, and there was too much tension to simply let go.

It seemed as though Elisha was controlling his words, his thoughts, his every move. Had she harbored this kind of anger against her father? Could she have held so much love and hate within her at the same time?

Snape seemed thunderstruck.

“Potter, I’m not going to fight with you.”

“Yet you’re the one who pushed me. Did you forget?” Harry laughed.

Snape looked on the verge on madness, his eyes popping, his face flushed and teeth bared.

“Harry,” Snape whispered. “I’m losing my mind.”

The boy felt softened at the break in Snape’s voice. He sighed… it was almost as if their roles from the summer were reversed. Snape had comforted Harry, and now it was Harry’s turn to return the favor, despite the rage and emotions thrumming through him. The boy willed the rage within him to subside…

Calm down, Elisha. Calm down.

Snape’s quiet sob brought Harry back quickly. He wanted to move, put an arm around Snape, say something worthwhile, but no words came forth. He could only give Snape his eyes, his look; he could only try to communicate in silence.

The two stared at each other for a long while, with barely any blinks. The wild passions within them were buried once again.

“I don’t think you should be the one to break the memories,” Harry whispered cautiously.

Snape looked away from him, down to the floor.

“I have to do it on my own,” Harry continued. “It’s something Elisha wanted me to do, I’m sure of it… and the memories she did leave over, the ones in the Pensieve… those are the ones she chose for you.”

Snape said nothing.

“Sometimes we need to keep our privacy,” Harry said, unsure if the words were coming from his own mind or Elisha’s, “Sometimes that’s all we have.”

“I... I just want to right my wrongs by understanding her... I’ve made so many mistakes,” Snape choked.

“I’m sure Elisha did too,” Harry said softly. “I know I have. We all have… it’s the human condition. We aren’t infallible, no matter how much we want to be. Perhaps Elisha wants to be remembered by you as a strong, willful girl. You should respect that.”

Snape remained silent and woeful, glancing at Harry with watery eyes.

“Honestly speaking,” the boy whispered, inching forward to Snape, “something is telling me not to show you these memories. Something is telling me that… in order for me to harness the power she left me, I need to see her memories on my own.”

“If you’re certain then… by all means. Do this alone,” Snape responded, wiping the remaining wetness from his sallow face.

Harry nodded.

“I’m sure,” he said.

Yes, it had to be alone… because that was the rule of life, that was what his mind urged him to do, what Elisha's mind urged him to do. Snape could not help him. Draco could not help him. No one could give Harry answers but himself. He had to uncover the truth by his own means. As Dumbledore said, he had to look within… to relinquish fear, to accept whatever truth or power came his way.

Harry felt his heart skip.

Then why was this so difficult?

Elisha, Harry thought, desperately staring into the eyes of her distraught father. What were you hiding?

TBC
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Endurance