Lost and Damned | By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this. |
LOST AND DAMNED
We Must Succumb to the Feelings We Can Never Face
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"I love you so much, Harry."
Green eyes lit up excitedly and a broad, silly grin formed on the boy's full lips. Severus slowly smiled in return and traced the other's smile gently with his index finger. That emerald gaze softened into that look of absolute love that tugged at his heart and told him that there was nowhere else he would rather be, nothing else he would rather be doing, and no one else in the world he would rather be with. This was destiny. Meant to be. How could he have ever thought otherwise?
"I love you, too, Severus," Harry whispered quietly, kissing the tip of the finger that moved across his mouth.
Gods, the boy was gorgeous. Severus shifted closer on the bed, pulling the other's body closer to his. Never had he had such a beautiful and responsive lover. Harry reacted easily to every touch, even every word Severus spoke. It was just the two of them, wrapped up in their utterly perfect world. Strong arms were wrapped comfortably around Severus's body and never had the touch of another made him feel so safe and cared for. It was almost frightening, that feeling. Still, he remained relaxed as he leisurely trailed his fingertips down the boy's spine while the other dropped from his mouth and moved down the side of his slender body.
They held gazes for the longest time and Severus had never felt more content in anything in his life. Harry seemed to feel the same way. Oh, he had the most beautiful green eyes. They weren't Lily's eyes anymore. They were Harry's. So alive and full of passion and excitement and love. If Severus never believed his words, the boy's eyes left no doubts within him whatsoever. It was almost as if those eyes were reaching out and touching the very depths of his soul, forcing him to feel the truth of his feelings and his love. It was exhilarating.
"I feel like I'm drowning in you," the boy whispered, voice shaky from some overwhelming emotion, but Severus didn't worry. He knew it was nothing bad. Nothing bad could touch them here.
"I feel the same," Severus assured him, slowly leaning in. Their lips brushed softly against one another, slowly deepening, feeling as though they were sinking under the surface of a large, beautiful ocean, drowning in each other…Every glance, every touch and they were melting into each other, falling into one another. Breathing, thinking, anything but feeling seemed impossible and unwanted. Severus reveled in the taste of those warm, full lips beneath his, his tongue gently probing into Harry's mouth, gently exploring the wet cavern and that strong, sweet taste of all of the sugary toppings they had enjoyed off of one another only an hour earlier. Harry emitted a quiet groan that made him kiss the boy deeper, hold him impossibly closer and tighter.
"Oh my God!"
The female voice barely registered with either man, too caught up in one another to dare stop. It took sharp nails in his arm and a tight grip around him, pulling him away for him to pay attention. Severus growled and glared up at the woman beside the bed, his eyes suddenly widening as he sat up quickly in bed.
"Lily," Severus whispered in horror.
"Mum?" Harry asked in nervous surprise.
Lily stood, looking as furious as Severus had ever seen her. She was young…Forever frozen at the age of twenty. Her skin was as pale and white as the petals of her namesake, her blazing eyes as brightly emerald green as her son's, and her hair seemed to be whipping around her by wind Severus didn't feel, like angry, dark red flames. Her hands were resting on her hips, glowering at Severus like he was the scum of the earth.
"How dare you touch my son?" she hissed. "How could you? He is a boy, Severus! Young enough to be your son! He's my son! My son, Severus! What is this? You nearly got him killed, Severus! He was only a baby! And me…and my husband…are dead! Suffered because of your…your evil! And now you come here and taint my son? My son? My perfect, beautiful baby boy. What have you done to him? You couldn't have me, so you'll take him. Will you break his heart because I broke yours?"
"No…No, Lily, I would never-" Severus began.
"SHUT UP!" Lily shrieked. "I don't want to hear it! You're a Death Eater! You are nothing but…but evil! You will never…ever be good enough for him! Look at him! You don't deserve him, Severus! He is too good…too noble and beautiful and loving for you! You are the darkness that will put out his light. The bitterness to destroy his sweetness. He is everything you're not and you will do nothing but suck the life right out of him! Get away from him, Severus! Get away! Don't you dare lay a finger on my son!"
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Severus shot up in bed, looking around frantically. He half expected to find a naked Harry by his side or a fuming Lily on the other. He was alone, though, in the darkness, feeling more ashamed of himself than he ever had…and feeling as though his heart had been ripped right out of his chest.
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Snape was sitting in his usual chair in his living quarters, Harry straddling his lap and kissing him frantically. Pale hands gripped his shirt and pulled at it, buttons flying off and hitting the floor. Harry shrugged out of his shirt, though he got stuck and required help of Snape to tug the last of it off. He rubbed his hips eagerly against Snape's, tugging gently at the long black hair.
"Harry?"
"Oh my God!"
"Get off of my son!"
Harry jumped out of Snape's lap in a panic, stumbling over the coffee table and landing half on top of it and half onto the couch he normally occupied. Before him stood four very angry people. His parents, Sirius, and Remus. All four stood staring in absolute shock.
"Snivellus!" James roared. "What the fuck, you pervert! That's my son!"
"Seveurs, how could you?" Lily demanded.
"Harry, are you okay?" Remus asked in concern.
"It's fine! No, you don't understand, I love him!" Harry exclaimed.
Everyone turned to stare at him in shock.
"But he's a man!" Remus said.
"He's Snivellus!" Sirius said.
"Don't call him that!" Harry snapped.
"But…Darling…He's…He's too old for you!" Lily said.
"Are you a fag, Harry?" James asked.
"Don't call me that!" Harry snapped. "So what if I am?"
"Harry, it's wrong," Sirius said.
"My only son!" Lily sobbed.
"And to think, we died for you," scoffed James.
"Should have let Voldy have him and made some normal babies," Sirius said.
"SHUT UP!" Harry screamed, body trembling in his anger and his pain.
"Harry, you need to go find a nice girl," James was saying calmly.
"What about Hermione? Everyone thinks you're with her, anyway," Lily was saying.
"I can't believe my godson is gay!" Sirius was muttering.
"He's my son, Sirius, how do you think I feel?" James was muttering.
"We'll get you help, Harry," Remus was saying. "We'll fix you, I promise."
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"Harry? Harry, wake up!"
"What? Ah…Sto-…Oh…Mione," Harry mumbled, sitting up and wiping the drool from his face. He heard a bit of giggling, but didn't pay it much mind. His head snapped around, looking for his parents and Sirius and Remus, but they were all gone. He was in the Gryffindor common room and Hermione was pink in the face and staring down at him.
"You okay, Harry?" she asked with concern.
"Umm…Yeah…I guess. Just a bad dream," he mumbled, frowning at the spot of drool on his parchment. He had barely gotten anywhere on his essay for Snape.
"Okay, well, you need to get up…You have lessons with Snape in five minutes," Hermione told him.
"Oh…fuck…right," Harry muttered, scrambling up and stuffing his books and quills and parchment into his bag, heart racing still. He could still hear their voices in his head and he felt sick to his stomach. That wouldn't really happen, Harry told himself. Sirius and Remus loved him…His parents loved him. They would accept him for who he was…and even if they didn't approve of Snape, they'd get over it eventually…That dream…it wasn't right. Shaking his head, Harry straightened his uniform and checked the time. "Thanks, Mione!" he said as he hurried to the door.
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When Potter was a minute late, Severus was hopeful that he wouldn't show up. He wasn't so lucky. Just as he stood up, the door opened, and a very breathless Harry Potter walked in. "Hi…sir," he panted, pausing a moment to catch his breath.
"You're late," Snape said. "You wanted these lessons so much, I assumed you would take more care with them."
"Sorry," the boy grumbled.
Clearing his throat, Severus stood straighter and walked around his desk, pulling out his wand. He quickly cast the usual locking and silencing charms, feeling strangely as though doing so were a very bad idea. "Have you practiced at all, Potter?"
"A bit," Potter said. Severus wasn't sure if he was lying or not, but there was an easy way to tell.
"Legilimens!" Severus said, holding up his wand.
Immediately his mind was invaded by Potter's memories. The Granger girl was furious with Harry for doing well in Potions. Then…a bit back…They were leaving his classroom, laughing and discussing Severus. Severus apparently had a sexy voice…Another Gryffindor, Sloper, came up to them and that was when Severus found himself pushed from Harry's mind.
"You can do better," Severus said, wasting no time delving back into Potter's mind. He was laying in bed with the Granger girl and she rolled over and kissed him. Severus felt a flare of fury rise within him, but faded slightly when Potter pushed her away. And just like that, Potter pushed Severus out of his mind. Potter was panting slightly, his cheeks slightly pink.
"It appears Granger can't keep her hands to herself, can she?" Severus snorted, hating how much he wanted to hunt her down and curse her silly.
"Not jealous, are you?" Harry retorted, glaring at him suspiciously.
"Of course not," Severus said coolly. "What is there to be jealous of?"
Harry shrugged his shoulders and shifted where he stood. Before he could be tempted into anything he shouldn't, Severus raised his wand again. "Legilimens!"
Severus saw a flash of the boy's dogfather's face before another scene was pushed into his mind. Severus could tell the boy had brought this up on purpose. It was the night in the woods…Severus had been laying on the ground, bleeding to death.
"I…love…you," he watched himself struggle to say.
"I love you, too," Memory Harry said back, looking like he might cry at any moment.
He watched as the boy grabbed him and shook him, tears rolling down his face as she shouted for Albus's help. The boy even tried to levitate him and failed miserably, only Albus's spell managing to lift him from the ground. He could hardly bear to watch himself floating around, half dead, by Albus's side and pulled out of the boy's mind, heart racing in his chest, the hand holding his wand twitching slightly. "Useless, Potter. Can't even manage the simplest of spells at a serious time."
"I love you," Harry said in return.
Severus was taken aback…That hardly had anything to do with what he had just said and for a few seconds he wondered if he had heard wrong. The boy stood there bravely and confidently, though, his green eyes trying to meet Severus's.
"I really do," Harry said. "I love you…Being away, you being an arse…Nothing has changed that. You can't tell me I don't know how I feel…That I'm too young to understand…I've been through a lot, professor. I've lost a lot. I know what love is and this is it…And I know you love me, too."
Severus just stared at him for a moment, his brain feeling as though it had completely shut down. What on Earth was this brat doing to him? He swallowed hard, willing himself to do something. Order the brat away. Hex him into oblivion. Something. Every harsh word seemed to die on his tongue as he opened his mouth. How could he be so cruel to the boy standing there, so open and so magnificent. He stared into those green eyes, defiant and unsure and so filled with so many things it confused him. But the one thing he could see…could feel was the very thing from his dream. He wanted to tear his eyes away…He didn't think he could bear it if he looked any more. He had to stay strong…and get him out of here…
"I do. I love you," he whispered instead.
For a long minute, they were both silent, just staring at each other. Severus had never felt more exposed in his life. He felt as though he were standing before Harry, completely naked, though he was fully dressed. Part of him just waited for Potter to laugh at him and tell him what a fool he was or something of that nature. Severus had had his heart ripped to shreds before and it was not an experience he wanted to repeat.
Harry was not, cruel, though. Instead he moved forward slowly, the same guarded and hesitant look that Severus wore upon his face. Harry, too, seemed afraid that he would be beaten down at any moment. Recognizing this, Severus moved forward to meet him, reaching out when he was close enough to grab the smaller man, pulling him closer (causing the boy to stumble a bit) and leaning down to press his lips to Harry's. He kissed him deeply, pouring all of his feelings into the kiss…Severus had never really understood the meaning of until he kissed Harry. He could feel all of his emotions bubbling up to the surface, seeming to flood towards those areas of him that were touching Harry. It was overwhelming and the strength of the feeling was almost painful. He held onto Harry firmly, feeling as though he was the only thing keeping him grounded.
The taste of him…the smell of him…the feel of him…Everything about Harry was utterly intoxicating. Severus simply couldn't get enough of him, holding him as close to his body as he could, kissing him deeply and swearing he never wanted this to end. He could never let Harry go…It would surely be the end of him. Never in his life had he ever felt so powerfully…It was scarier than anything he had ever faced, this intense joy and love that consumed him. But he couldn't stop it now.
It took all of his strength to pull away from Harry, but he didn't go far. He cupped the boy's face in his hands, panting slightly against the boy's mouth, his black eyes flickering open, watching as green eyes slowly did the same. They looked up at him apprehensively and confused, but he seemed to relax after a moment. Severus just needed to look into his eyes…Needed to see him…Needed to know that this was real. Bright green eyes held his, barely blinking and never looking away. Harry said nothing…didn't move at all. The look in his eyes hit Severus hard…He could feel it radiating from him…All of his desire and love and happiness, overcoming him more than his own, perhaps.
His hands moved slowly from his face, dropping down to strong shoulders and down the smaller man's chest, enjoying the slight tremble the boy gave. Tenderly, Severus leaned in to kiss him again.
They kissed for a long time. It felt like forever. At some point they sank to their knees together and eventually they ended up laying down, Harry settled on top of Severus. Their hands explored one another's bodies, moving beneath clothes to touch bare skin. Their lips never parted for more than a few moments, never saying anything, only looking deeply into one another's eyes before meeting again. There never seemed much of a need to go farther…They weren't lust-driven tonight, only showing one another how they felt through their actions. It seemed a very romantic and cliché notion to Severus later on, but that was exactly what it was.
"I feel like I'm drowning in you," Harry mumbled against his mouth after what seemed both an eternity and only a few seconds.
"I feel the same," he whispered back, kissing Harry again.
It only took a few seconds for it all to come back to him, hitting him hard, like a powerful punch to the stomach.
"Oh my God!" he heard…almost as if Lily was truly standing in the room with them. Black eyes flew open and fear gripped him. Slowly he pulled away, trying not to appear too alarmed as he sat up. "It's getting late."
"Oh," Harry said, sounding confused for a moment before shaking his head. Finally the boy cleared his throat. "Okay…"
He could feel those eyes on him as he stood up and straightened his robes, but he ignored them the best he could. His hands trembled slightly as he buttoned the few buttons of his robes Potter had managed to undo. What on Earth was he doing? His mind screamed at him.
Albus encouraged it, remember? Another voice reminded him.
"Umm…I'll see you tomorrow then," Harry said quietly. He turned to watch the boy walk past him, though Harry continued watching him. He seemed uncertain. "I love you," he said again.
"I love you, too," Severus whispered, feeling torn about doing so.
Harry relaxed a bit and smiled as he walked to the door. Severus pulled down the silencing and locking charms, wand still held up as Harry opened the door.
"Obliviate."
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Author's Note:
Chapter title lyrics from "Driven Under" by Seether.
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