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Amore et Amicitia	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Sirius/James Views: 6685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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AN: More angst! Surprise, Surprise...why can’t these two boys get it together, eh? Lol. Well, their relationship will never be simple really, but we love them none the less. :)

Chapter Thirty-Six: Magis quam ipsa vita (More than Life itself)

“Sirius, your Hogwarts letters have arrived.” Dorea said standing in the door way of his bedroom. Sirius turned and smiled from where he was lying on his bed and reading a magazine on Motorbike repair.

“Brilliant.” He said and took the fat envelope from her.

“And you received this...It’s an official letter from the Ministry...” She looked worried as she handed it to him.

Sirius gazed down at it with a small frown, he turned the envelope over and looked at the seal, it was stamped with a golden peice of wax with the ‘MoM’ for Ministry of Magic. He opened it and removed the formal letter;

Dear Mr. Black, we regret to inform you of the death of Alphard Black, your Uncle. Your family has been notified and as we are aware of the change in your circumstances we have had to send you this letter separately. We have read and verified your uncle’s will and have discovered that he has left you over half the gold in his Gringotts account, this will be forwarded once the contents has been checked by the Bank. We have included a copy of the will for your verification.

We are sorry for your loss,

Arnold Grumpage, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Sirius’ heart skipped in his chest, with a shaking hand he withdrew a copy of his uncles will and read it with wide eyes.

The Last Will and Testament of Alphard Black,

I, Alphard Black, of sound body and mind, leave half my gold to my nephew Sirius Orion Black the third of his name. The rest, along with my remaining possessions, I give to the charities listed below...

Sirius let the paper fall from his numb fingers, his breathing caught in his throat. He knew his uncle was rich. He knew he had inherited a third of his grandparents fortunes and had been exceedingly careful with money ever since. Half of his gold meant that Sirius was once again rich. He would now be able to afford his own place without ever having to worry about a job when he left school. Had his uncle known he had left home? Had his uncle given him the money specifically for that reason? Sirius had never even considered that he would ever inherit anything after running away. He felt a pang of grief like a knife that sliced right into his soul. “Oncle...” He whispered and hung his head. He wondered how he had died.

That was soon answered when an owl came for him the next day, it was nearly hysterical with anger and grief...

Sirius,

You bastard! You complete, utter bastard! You can’t just leave quietly can you? No! You have to rip everything else away as well! You had to destroy Uncle Alphard too! I let you go that night. I snuck back into the house and opened the door, I gave you back your wand so that you could leave and stop ruining this family! But no...no...you left but you leave mother in a state, you force father to drink and now he takes his anger out on me! I hate you! I hate that you managed to kill Alphard as well! Just leave us alone! Why can’t you leave me alone?! Why do I have to love you still?!

Alphard was found hanging by his tie in his home...mother told me he had left you a note, I included that as well...she was disgusted and grief stricken. You know that since you’ve been gone she’s locked herself in her room and done nothing but cry? She’s stopped even receiving guests. I hate you. I hate you and I hope I never see your face again! I can’t believe that you were disgusting enough to fuck our uncle! You seduced him! At least now I am glad I never succumbed to your vile charms, at least now I’m safe. Everything you touch turns to ash, Sirius...I hope your friends know that.

R.A.B

Sirius could see his own tears marking the parchment as he began reading his uncle’s letter.

Mon moineau,

There is little I can say to make up for what I did to you...I can only apologise and tell you how much I have regretted what I did. I ruined you. I gave in to my baser instincts and destroyed your innocence, I made love to you...I took you and I can no longer live with this guilt. I am forever sorry. I hope that one day, you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me.

Sirius...

Je t'aime, tu sais ce droit?

“Je t’aime, Oncle...Je t’aime...” Sirius crumpled the letters in one fist and took a deep, shaky breath before letting it out and looking up at the ceiling. “I forgive you.”

XXX

The man who had lent Sirius the motorbike entered his small office, he sighed and sat down behind his desk after putting the kettle on. He put both his boots up on the table and sighed heavily, when they connected with the wood he frowned at the odd jingle noise coming from it. He put his feet down and found himself looking at a brown purse full of metal. Slowly he reached out and picked it up, it was surprisingly heavy. He pulled open the string and tipped it upside down. A handful of fat golden coins clattered across his desk, his eyes widened and he gaped at the shining yellow gold. With the coins was a peice of odd feeling paper with a simple note;

Thanks for the bike, I hope this covers the payment. S.O.B

He blinked at it remembering a pretty boy asking to borrow the bike so he could go home, he felt a grin stretching his face as he gathered up the gold. He would take it to a Goldsmiths and see how much he could get for it.

Later he sold his business and used the gold to leave the country. He took his own bike and travelled Europe as he had dreamed of as a child.

XXX

Sirius went to Diagon Alley with his friends, they bought all their school things and went for ice cream before going into Muggle London. Sirius went mad, after exchanging some Wizarding gold for Muggle money he went into the most expensive designer shops and bought as much clothes as he could carry. With Remus’ help he managed to buy everything he needed and had left at Grimmauld Place, including a new wand.

Remus took them to a coffee shop, he was curious to see what they would do in a place surrounded by Muggle’s. James and Sirius gazed around the small shop in fascination, they pointed at things and laughed, asked stupid questions and found the tiniest things hilarious. Sirius almost blew up the cappuccino machine when it began steaming milk with a loud hissing noise, Remus grabbed his arm before he could lift his wand in front of the room full of muggle’s.

When Sirius drank the strange drink he felt the buzz of caffeine, he had had normal coffee before but he didn’t like the bitterness of it. The cappuccino was frothy and mostly made of hot milk which pleased him. When he had finished it he leaned back in his seat with a sigh. “I like this world.” He said quietly and smiled around fondly at the magic-less people. “Muggles are weird but they cope pretty well without magic.”

“They do...and I like this. This tastes nice.” James indicated his own Coffee.

Remus smiled warmly at his friends, he knew that they were technically still grounded for running away but Dorea had softened when they had begged her to let them out long enough to buy their school stuff. After the coffee they did a bit more shopping, Sirius was really excited by the muggle clothing stores as they had fashions that the Wizarding versions never did. He went for tight jeans, t-shirts and leather jackets. He bought himself lots of jewellery for which James teased by telling him he would end up looking like a girl, Sirius had grabbed his hand and pressed it to his cock and asked him if a girl had one of these.

Remus coughed and looked away, people walked past the boys and gaped in horrified fascination. James smirked and squeezed Sirius through his jeans, he got a drawn out moan as his prize and released him.

XXX

That night James woke to the feeling of lips pressed to the back of his neck, he felt hands sliding into his shorts. He moaned softly. “Siri?” He muttered as he blinked sleep from his eyes.

“Jamie...” Sirius whispered, kissing his way down James’ neck and caressing his rapidly hardening penis. “I could hardly keep my hands to myself...I want you...I need you...Inside me, Jamie...”

James turned in his arms and wrapped his arms around him. “I thought we were...?”

“I changed my mind.” Sirius replied and grinned. “I’m going to change the world, Jamie...I’m going to let everyone know...And I’m not going to be afraid anymore.”

“But they’ll be horrible to you...”

“So? I have you, Remus and Peter...what do I need anyone else for? I’m here and I’m queer as the muggle’s say...”

“Where did you learn that?”

Sirius shrugged. “Someone said it to me once...no idea who...Now, kiss me...”

James grinned and did as he was asked, he rolled Sirius onto his back and ran his hands down his chest. “I don’t know what’ll happen to us, Sirius...but I don’t care about the future...right now is all that matters.” He leaned down and plunged his tongue between Sirius’ lips, his fingers pinching Sirius’ nipples and making him moan. Sirius’ hands rested on his hips as he moved, pushing their erections together until the heat and tension was unbearable.

“Fuck me...Hurry...” Sirius whispered, hissing the words through his teeth. “Or I-I’ll cum...”

“Then cum...” James whispered, reaching between them and grasping at Sirius’ erection through his pyjamas. Sirius hitched in a breath, his back arched beneath James who captured his lips and swallowed his gasping breath. He massaged Sirius in the same way they used to when they were younger. It was intense, Sirius’ soft voice, roughened by a desperate desire hissed James’ name into the semi-darkness of the room as he came with a shudder that ripped through his body like lightening.

James watched Sirius’ face intently, he enjoyed making him feel pleasure. He loved watching his face change as he came, he loved feeling his erection twitching beneath his fingers and knowing that he had caused him to cum. He loved knowing Sirius was responding to him and he knew that the resulting sex would be mind blowing because it was Sirius. They were perfect together. There was nothing else like it in the world. He whispered these things as he pulled down his own shorts and Sirius flipped him onto his back, he smiled as he watched his friend move down to take his erection between his lips. “Siri...” James breathed as his hands tangled in his hair. It was like an explosion of intense light right in the pit of his stomach, like fire racing through his veins as he looked into Sirius’ eyes and saw him licking at his cock. He shivered violently.

“Jamie...” Sirius breathed and wrapped his tongue firmly around his prize. “I love you.”

“Hnnng...Siri...Sirius...oh...oh fuck...” James’ hips moved of their own accord, pushing himself deep into that wonderfully accommodating throat. “Nnn...yeah...that’s good...that’s bloody fantastic...keep...keep going...Yes...”

Sirius’ head bobbed as James pushed him down with his hands in his hair, at the same time he lifted his hips and pushed himself further. Sirius had to hum slightly to stop himself from gagging, the vibrations sent shock waves of pleasure through his lover and he came with a loud grunt. Sirius swallowed what he could before being yanked away, James watched as he came onto Sirius’ face before slumping back and smiling.

Sirius licked his lips and shivered happily as he crawled back up James’ body and began kissing his chest, he pushed his fingers into the hair at the base of James’ cock and tugged lightly as he ran a tongue over his nipple. His affectionate nips and licks were almost dog-like but James could feel himself stirring again.

Sirius sat astride James and gentle lowered himself onto his erection, he winced as it breached him but he kept his eyes on James’ face. He licked his lips as James ran his hands over his chest, his hips pushing upwards as he tried to get more of that tight heat. “Jamie...” Sirius whispered as James was finally inside him, he felt the familiar burning sensation but it was good. James could hurt him in any way and it would still feel good to him. He smiled as James took hold of his hips and sat upright, they kissed and James began to move Sirius’ hips. They moaned into each other’s mouths, hungrily sucking, biting and licking at each other. Sirius was in heaven, he wrapped his arms firmly around his lover and began moving himself, he felt James tense and moan softly. “Mmm...” Sirius hummed as James moved his head so he was nipping at his collar bone, his fingers digging into his hips and leaving bruises behind. “T-tell me...tell me you love me...”

“I love you.” James replied as he looked up into those burning eyes. “I love you, Sirius.”

“Love only me...nnn...shit...Love me and me alone and I-I’ll...I’ll give you...everything...” Sirius tipped his head back so his hair cascaded down his back, James pulled it lightly and put his other hand over Sirius’ heart, his nails dug into his flesh and left long bloody scratches behind.

“F-fuck...” James licked away the blood slowly. Sirius trembled beneath his hands, he wanted to touch every part of him, he needed to see every expression he made, he wanted to feel his heart against his own. He had no answer for him though, even though his blood pounded in his ears as Sirius tangled a fist in the hair at the back of his head and pulled his head back so they could kiss. He couldn’t answer because there was always that name in the back of his head, the name of a girl. Lily Evans. She haunted him like spectre, intent on preventing him from being with Sirius body and soul. He saw Sirius register his lack of commitment and the pain in his eyes made him bury his face in Sirius’ hair. “I’m sorry...” He whispered.

Sirius shook his head, his hips continued to move, his muscles bunching and relaxing as they moved together slowly. He ran a tongue up James’ throat, wrapping the fingers of one hand around it and biting his ear playfully. “Then...let me belong to you, James. Let me be yours...forever...”

“Ooooh fuuuuck Sirius...” James groaned heavily as Sirius did something rather pleasant with his muscles. His thrusts sped up until he was panting, Sirius’ fingers tightened on his throat, cutting off his air supply slightly but he didn’t mind. He trusted Sirius with his life. Suddenly he pushed Sirius over onto his back and kissed him harshly, his fingers tangling in his hair as he yanked his head back and bit roughly at his throat. Sirius whined and shuddered, his body shuddering as he pulled James deeper into his body with his legs around his waist.

“Nnng...J-Jamie...W-wait...” Sirius pressed the flat of his palm against James’ chest and halted his hurried thrusts. He kissed him briefly on the lips before pulling away, James groaned as he slid out of that body and watched him turn over onto all fours. Sirius lowered his head so his hair fell around his face. James watched him open his legs slightly and offer himself to him, he took a sharp breath, his animal instincts seeing the move for what it was; submission. He groaned and bent his head to bite harshly at the back of Sirius’ neck, Sirius bucked against him with a sharp cry. His fingers gripped the bed sheets tightly and he pressed himself against James, asking him to fuck him.

“Is this...is this what you want?” James purred as he pushed fingers inside his partner’s body, Sirius shuddered and groaned. “Or do you want my cock?”

“Jamie...” Sirius whined, arching his back. “I want...I want you...your cock...inside...” He gasped, pushing back against his fingers. James smiled softly and bent his head, kissing Sirius’ arse cheek and making him giggle. Without another thought he pushed himself back inside Sirius’ heated body and groaned. He began to set a hard pace and before he knew it Sirius was gasping and swearing, begging him to hurry, to go faster, for more, and more and more...He uttered a choked gasp as his nails dug into Sirius’ skin and drew more blood. He pressed his forehead between Sirius’ shoulders and whispered soft, loving things to him as he began stroking Sirius’ erection. “J-Jamie...!”

“Shh...it’s alright...cum, Sirius. I love you.” He felt the familiar twitching of Sirius’ muscles around him and bit his lip against a moan, it escaped anyway as Sirius stifled his cry in the sweaty sheets. He felt the building of his orgasm and closed his eyes, tipping his head back and swearing softly.

Sirius felt James cum just as his orgasm began defusing he shuddered and groaned, enjoying the feel of James inside him until he collapsed over his back. They fell back onto the mattress and moved so they faced each other. Sirius smiled sleepily, their legs tangled around each other and James left a lingering kiss on Sirius’ lips as they both fell asleep.

XXX

They were woken the next morning by a shocked gasp and a crash. James sat up straight away and gaped at his father, he grabbed the duvet and covered himself and Sirius but he knew it was too late. Sirius groaned and rolled over with a yawn. “Mmm...Don’t wanna get up...” He automatically reached for James and dragged him closer, he snuggled down but James began shaking him.

“Wake up...Sirius!”

Sirius opened his eyes and rubbed them, he smiled when he saw James and kissed him lightly on the lips, he didn’t notice Charlus Potter gaping at them as if they had grown two heads. James went pink. “I...I...Um...Father I...”

After a moment the words registered with Sirius, his eyes widened and he sat up slowly, the sheet falling from his torso and revealing obvious scratch marks and bruises. “Oh.” He said in a tiny voice.

Charlus Potter managed to pull himself together, he closed his eyes and took a breath. “Get dressed, get up. Both of you.” He said in a soft voice.

Sirius hung his head and James chewed his lip as he watched his father retreat. When the door had closed James moved to get out of bed, Sirius stopped him and wrapped his arms around his neck. His lips brushed James’ as he spoke softly. “I’m sorry. I-If you want me to leave after this then I will...Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”

James let Sirius run his tongue across his lips and reached out with his own, slowly he slid a hand into his hair and sighed. “We’ll see what happens...”

Sirius nodded and brushed his head beneath James’ before separating.

XXX

They found James’ parents in the living room sat by the fireplace, Dorea sat in one of the comfy arm chairs with her elegant hands in her lap while her husband leaned against the hearth. “Sit down boys.” Charlus said as Sirius and James entered, they sat down side by side being careful not to touch each other. Slowly Charlus turned around, his eyes held nothing but sadness. “Firstly, I have to ask, James, are you gay?”

James shook his head. “No, dad...I like girls...It’s just that...” He glanced at Sirius before returning his eyes to his father. “Sirius is...different. He’s...special.”

Charlus looked at Sirius, he searched him carefully and in silence. Sirius was a typical Black with the elegance and grace he had come to love in his wife, his thick, shiny black hair was currently tied back from his face but it was his eyes that made a small shiver run down Charlus’ spine. Those eyes knew a grief and pain no child should ever have to know, they were full of an adult knowledge. He sighed. “And you, Sirius?”

Sirius gazed up at him with those mysterious eyes. “I am, sir.” He said quietly. “I’m gay.”

Charlus nodded slowly, he had expected it, deep down he had known. He sighed again and turned to the fire place. “Are you two simply experimenting or is this serious?”

Sirius glanced at James who went slightly pink around the ears. “I don’t know dad...I like it...I...well...I like Sirius...”

Sirius looked away, his hands sliding under his thighs as he hung his head and took a slow breath. Charlus noted the reaction and pity filled his gaze. “I assume it is different for you, Sirius...” Sirius said nothing but Charlus got his answer in the way his shoulders stiffened. “Love makes fools of us all, don’t worry, I’m not angry. Go get some breakfast I wish to speak with my son alone.”

Sirius nodded and stood, he glanced once at James and walked away to let the family talk. Charlus frowned at James who paled under his gaze. Dorea looked at her family and sighed softly. “James, do you understand that Sirius is in love with you?”

James looked away with a frown. “He’s told me.”

“Then what are you doing? Why are you continuing a relationship with him if you don’t feel the same?” Charlus asked feeling a great disappointment.

“B-Because I...because I like him!” James muttered, his cheeks bright red.

“But ‘like’ is not the same as love, James! I thought we had brought you up to know better. You are playing with his heart and one day you will break it. Have you considered what will happen when you decide to pursue a relationship with a woman? Sirius is a loyal friend, he will stay by your side no matter what but it will break him and I think you know it.”

James shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t want to hurt him I...I just...” He sighed and closed his eyes. “...I love him...” He whispered. “I really do...but I also...I also love Lily Evans...I...I’m stuck. I want to marry a girl, I want to grow up and have a family and I can’t do that with Sirius.”

Charlus looked at his son and shook his head. “You have yourself a difficult situation...I think you already know what you should do.”

Dorea nodded slowly. “You need to break it off with him, James. We love you both and we don’t want to see you get hurt. You must understand that in the eyes of the wizarding world Sirius will be vilified. He will be bullied because he likes people of the same sex. He can’t help it, I accept that, but his reputation will stain you as well. You must make a decision or you will both be hurt.”

Sirius leaned against the wall and gazed up at the ceiling as he listened into the conversation. He sighed softly and felt the familiar agony of his heart shattering in his chest, he smiled and clutched at his heart above his t-shirt. He closed his eyes. “I’m still alive.” He breathed and clenched his teeth. “Still alive...” He sighed softly and sank down the wall and rested on his haunches, he pushed hands into his hair and hummed softly to himself.

James nodded slowly, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears. “I-I...I understand...” He said softly. His father nodded slowly.

“If the situation was different, if I knew that you would both be safe and happy together I would give you my blessings. I’m sorry, James. I hate seeing you hurt...i really do.”

“Yes, dad...” James stood on shaking legs and looked at his parents. “C-Can I...Can I go?”

“Of course dear.” Dorea smiled weakly.

XXX

James found Sirius at the bottom of the garden on the little fairy bridge that spanned the sparkling stream he was gazing into the water and humming softly while he smoked and leaned his arms against the railings. The sunlight streamed down through the branches of the willow tree that dangled in the water, James had never seen him look so beautiful and his heart ached with the knowledge of what he had to do. He stepped up to Sirius’ side, neither looked at the other. “Sirius, I’m sorry.” James whispered.

“I know Jamie.” Sirius replied in a rough voice, he smiled and brought out a packet of cigarettes, he offered one to James who took it and put it between his lips. Sirius lit it with his wand before lighting his own. Silence fell as they smoked. Sirius smiled. “It’s a beautiful day.” He muttered.

“I...Siri...I need to talk to you...” James croaked, it was harder than he had first thought. His hand shook as he brought the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag before blowing it out again. He looked up at the sky and squinted at the clouds that rushed past overhead.

Sirius took pity on him. “You’re supposed to say; ‘I’m really sorry Sirius but we can’t be together anymore. I don’t love you as much I should, or have pretended to and I think we should continue to be just friends. I’m in love with Lily Evans and she’s got boobs and a womb, she can give me children and the family I want.’” Sirius broke off as a fish jumped out of the water after the flies that had gathered on the surface. “And then I say; ‘I love you Jamie, I love you with every ounce of my being. I would die for you and I want you like I have never wanted anything in my life. You complete me, you make me whole...but...if that is what you want then I’ll bow gracefully to your decision, I’ll walk away from whatever we once had and let Lily take my place in your arms...’” He paused again and closed his eyes. “Just know...know that I will never stop loving you.”

James reached out and touched his hand gently before pulling away as if he’s been burned. Sirius didn’t open his eyes again until he heard the crunch of James’ trainers against the ground, he turned and gazed at James’ retreating back. He smiled, even through the tears that slid down his cheeks.
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Amore et Amicitia